HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK, 

FROM   THE 


BEGINNING  OF  THE  WORLD  TO   THE   END   OF 
THE  DUTCH  DYNASTY; 


CONTAINING,  AMONG  MANY  SURPRISING  AND  CURIOUS  MATTERS,  THE  UNUTTERABLE 
PONDERINGS  OF  WALTER  THE  DOUBTER,  THE  DISASTROUS  PROJECTS  OF  WILLIAM 
THE  TESTY,  AND  THE  CHIVALRIC  ACHIEVEMENTS  OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG— 
THE  THREE  DUTCH  GOVERNORS  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  \  BEING  THE  ONLY  AUTHEN 
TIC  HISTORY  OF  THE  TIMES  THAT  EVKR  HATH  BEEN  OR  EVER  AVILL  BE  PUBLISHED. 


Knickerbocker. 


2)e  vr>aarf)etb  bte  in  buister  tag, 
"Lie  feint  met  flaarfrcib  aan  ben  baa. 


THE  AUTHOR'S  REVISED  EDITION. 


COMPLETE     IN    ONE     VOLUME. 


NE\V    YORK:    G  E  0  . 

1860. 


P.    PUTNAM. 


1260 


EXTEHED,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1848,  by 

WASHINGTON    IRVING, 

In  the  Clerk's  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  for  the  Southern 
District  of  New  York. 


Printe 

Between  Grnnd  A  Broome,  New  York. 


CONTENTS. 


THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY, 11 

ORIGINAL  ADVERTISEMENTS,      .  15 

ACCOUNT  OP  THE  AUTHOR,      ..." 17 

ADDRESS  TO  THE  PUBLIC,    ..." 29 

BOOK    I. 

CONTAINING  DIVERS  INGENIOUS  THEORIES  AND  PHILOSOPHIC  SPECULATIONS,  CON 
CERNING  THE  CREATION  AND  POPULATION  OF  THE  WORLD,  AS  CONNECTED 
WITH  THE  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

CHAP.  I.— Description  of  the  World  .' 35 

CHAP.  II. — Cosmogony,  or  Creation  of  the  World  ;  with  a  multitude  of 
excellent  theories,  by  which  the  creation  of  a  world  is  shown  to  be 
no  such  difficult  matter  as  common  folk  would  imagine  .  .  .42 

CHAP.  III. — How  that  famous  navigator,  Noah,  was  shamefully  nick 
named  ;  and  how  he  committed  an  unpardonable  oversight  in  not 
having  four  sons.  With  the  great  trouble  of  philosophers  caused 
thereby,  and  the  discovery  of  America 52 

CHAP.  IV. — Showing  the  great  difficulty  Philosophers  have  had  in  peo 
pling  America — and  how  the  Aborigines  came  to  be  begotten  by  ac 
cident — to  the  great  relief  and  satisfaction  of  the  Author  .  .  .59 

CHAP.  V. — In  which  the  Author  puts  a  mighty  question  to  tire  rout,  by 
the  assistance  of  the  Man  in  the  Moon — which  not  only  delivers  thou 
sands  of  people  from  great  embarrassment,  but  likewise  concludes 
this  introductory  book (56 

BOOK  II. 

TREATING  OF  THE  FIRST  SETTLEMENT  OF  THE   PROVINCE   OF   NIETJW-NEDERLANDTS. 

CHAP.  I. — In  which  are  contained  divers  reasons  why  a  man  should  not 
write  in  a  hurry — Also  of  Master  Hendrick  Hudson,  his  discovery  of 
a  strange  country — and  how  he  was  magnificently  rewarded  by  the 
munificence  of  their  High  Mightinesses  ....  .  s". 


264386 


CONTENTS. 


PAG* 

CHAP.  II. — Containing  an  account  of  a  mighty  Ark  which  floated,  under 
the  protection  of  St.  Nicholas,  from  Holland  to  Gibbet  Island— the 
descent  of  the  strange  Animals  therefrom — a  great  victory,  and  a 
description  of  the  ancient  village  of  Communipaw  ...  94 

CHAP.  III. — In  which  is  set  forth  the  true  art  of  making  a  bargain — to 
gether  with  the  miraculous  escape  of  a  great  Metropolis  in  a  fog — 
and  the  biography  of  certain  heroes  of  Communipaw  .  .  .101 

CHAP.  IV. — How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  voyaged  to  Hell-gate,  and 
how  they  were  received  there 109 

CHAP.  V. — How  the  heroes  of  Communipaw  returned  somewhat  wiser 
than  they  went — and  how  the  sage  Oloffe  dreamed  a  dream— and  the 
dream  that  fre  dreamed 121 

CHAP.  VI. — Containing  an  attempt  at  etymology — and  of  the  founding  of 
the  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam  .......  126 

CHAP.  VII. — How  the  people  of  Pavonia  migrated  from  Communipaw  to 
the  island  of  Manna-hata — and  how  Oloffe  the  Dreamer  proved  him 
self  a  great  land  speculator  ........  129 

CHAP.  VIII. — Of  the  founding  and  naming  of  the  new  city — of  the  City 
Arms ;  and  of  the  direful  feud  between  Ten  Breeches  and  Tough 
Breeches 132 

CHAP.  IX.— How  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  waxed  great  under  the 
protection  of  St.  Nicholas  and  the  absence  of  laws  and  statutes — how 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer  begun  to  dream  of  an  extension  of  Empire,  and 
of  the  effect  of  his  dreams 138 

BOOK  III. 

IN*   WHICH   IS   RECOUPED   THE    GOLDEN    REIGN   OP   WOUTER   VAN   TWILLER. 

CHAP.  I. — Of  the  renowned  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  his  unparalleled  virtues 
— as  likewise  his  unutterable  wisdom  in  the  law  case  of  Wandle 
Schoonhoven  and  Barent  Bleecker — and  the  great  admiration  of  the 
public  thereat .  145 

CHAP.  II. — Containing  some  account  of  the  grand  council  of  New  Am 
sterdam,  as  also  divers  especial  good  philosophical  reasons  why  an 
Alderman  should  be  fat — with  other  particulars  touching  the  state 
of  the  province  ...........  154 

CHAP.  III. — How  the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  arose  out  of  mud,  and 
came  to  be  marvellously  polished  and  polite — together  with  a  picture 
of  the  manners  of  our  great-great-grandfathers  ....  164 

CHAP.  IV. — Containing  farther  particulars  of  the  Golden  Age,  and  what 
constituted  a  fine  Lady  and  Gentleman  in  the  days  of  Walter  the 
•  Doubter 172 

CHAP.  V.— Of  the  founding  of  Fort  Aurania— Of  the  mysteries  of  the 
Hudson— Of  the  arrival  of  the  Patroon  Killian  Van  Rensellaer;  his 
lordly  descent  upon  the  earth,  and  his  introduction  of  club  law  .  178 


CONTENTS.  7 

PAGE 

CHAP.  VI. — In  which  the  reader  is  beguiled  into  a  delectable  walk, 

which  ends  very  differently  from  what  it  commenced  .  .  .  182 

CHAP.  VII. — Faithfully  describing  the  ingenious  people  of  Connecticut 
and  thereabouts— showing,  moreover,  the  true  meaning  of  liberty  of 
conscience,  and  a  curious  device  among  these  sturdy  barbarians,  to 
keep  up  a  harmony  of  intercourse,  and  promote  population  .  .  188 

CHAP.  VIII. — How  these  singular  barbarians  turned  out  to  be  notorious 
squatters.  How  they  built  air  castles,  and  attempted  to  initiate  the 
Nederlanders  in  the  mystery  of  bundling 194 

CHAP.  IX. — How  the  Fort  Goed  Hoop  was  fearfully  beleaguered — how 
the  renowned  Wouter  fell  into  a  profound  doubt,  and  how  he  finally 
evaporated 200 


BOOK  IV. 

CONTAINING   THE   CHRONICLES   OF   THE    REIGN   OF   WILLIAM   THE   TESTT. 

CHAP.  I.— Showing  the  nature  of  history  in  general  ;  containing  further 
more  the  universal  acquirements  of  William  the  Testy,  and  how  a 
man  may  learn  so  much  as  to  render  himself  good  for  nothing  .  207 

CHAP.  II. — How  William  the  Testy  undertook  to  conquer  by  proclamation 

— how  he  was  a  great  man  abroad,  but  a  little  man  in  his  own  house,  213 

CHAP.  III. — In  which  are  recorded  the  sage  projects  of  a  ruler  of  univer 
sal  genius — The  art  of  fighting  by  proclamation — and  how  that  the 
valiant  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  came  to  be  foully  dishonored  at  Fort 
Goed  Hoop 217 

CHAP.  IV. — Containing  the  fearful  wrath  of  William  the  Testy,  and  the 
alarm  of  New  Amsterdam— how  the  Governor  did  strongly  fortify 
the  City  —Of  Antony  the  Trumpeter,  and  the  windy  addition  to  the 
armorial  bearings  of  New  Amsterdam 222 

CHAP.  V.— Of  the  jurisprudence  of  William  the  Testy,  and  his  admirable 

expedients  for  the  suppression  of  poverty 227 

CHAP.  VI.— Projects  of  William  the  Testy  for  increasing  the  currency- 
he  is  outwitted  by  the  Yankees— The  great  Oyster  War  .  .  .  232 

CHAP.  VII. — Growing  discontents  of  New  Amsterdam  under  the  gov 
ernment  of  William  the  Testy 2S7 

CHAP.  VIII.— The  edict  of  William  the  Testy  against  Tobacco— Of  the 

Pipe  Plot,  and  the  rise  of  Feuds  and  Parties 240 

CHAP.  IX.— Of  the  folly  of  being  happy  in  the  time  of  prosperity— Of 
troubles  to  the  South  brought  on  by  annexation— Of  the  secret  expe 
dition  of  Jansen  Alpendam,  and  his  magnificent  reward  .  .  245 

CHAP.  X.— Troublous  times  on  the  Hudson— How  Killian  Van  Rensellaer 
erected  a  feudal  castle,  and  how  he  introduced  club  law  into  the 
province 250 


<-MNTKNTS. 


CHAP.  XI. — Of  the  diplomatic  mission  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter  to  the 
Fortress  of  Reusellaersteiu— and  how  he  was  puzzled  by  a  cabalistic 
reply ....  254 

CHAP.  XII.— Containing  the  rise  of  the  great  Amphictyoiiic  Council  of 
the  Pilgrims,  with  the  decline  and  final  extinction  of  William  the 
Testy 258 

BOOK    V. 

CONTAINING     THE     FIRST     PART     OP    THE    KEIGX    OF    PETER    STUYVESANT,    AND    HIS 
TROUBLES    WITH   THE   AMPH1CTYON1C   COUNCIL. 

CHAP.  I. — In  which  the  death  of  a  great  man  is  shown  to  be  no  very  in 
consolable  matter  of  sorrow — and  how  Peter  Stuyvesant  acquired  a 
great  name  from  the  uncommon  strength  of  his  head  .  .  .  265 

CHAP.  II. — Showing  how  Peter  the  Headstrong  bestirred  himself  among 
the  rats  and  cobwebs  on  entering  into  office  ;  his  interview  with  An 
tony  the  Trumpeter,  and  his  perilous  meddling  with  the  currency  .  273 

CHAP.  III. — How  the  Yankee  League  waxed  more  and  more  potent ;  and 

how  it  outwitted  the  good  Peter  in  treaty-making  ....  278 

CHAP.  IV. — Containing  divers  speculations — showing  that  a  treaty  of 

peace  is  a  great  national  evil 2y4 

CHAP.  V. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  grievously  belied  by  the  great 
council  of  the  League ;  and  how  he  sent  Antony  the  Trumpeter  to 
take  to  the  council  a  piece  of  his  mind  .  .  .  .  .  .  2'Jl 

CHAP.  VI. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  demanded  a  court  of  honor — and  what 

the  court  of  honor  awarded  to  him 2% 

CHAP.  VII. — How  "  Drum  Ecclesiastic"  was  beaten  throughout  Connec 
ticut  for  a  crusade  against  the  New  Netherlands,  and  how  Peter 
Stuyvesant  took  measures  to  fortify  his  Capital  ....  2Ul» 

CHAP.  VIII. — How  the  Yankee  crusade  against  the  New  Netherlands 
was  baffled  by  the  sudden  outbreak  of  witchcraft  among  the  people 
of  the  East 304 

CHAP.  IX. — Which  records  the  rise  and  renown  of  a  Military  Commander, 
showing  that  a  man,  like  a  bladder,  may  be  puffed  up  to  greatness  by 
mere  wind  ;  together  with  the  catastrophe  of  a  veteran  and  his  queue,  310 

BOOK  VI. 

CONTAINING    THE    SECOND    PART    OF    THE    REIGN    OF    PETER    THE    HEADSTRONG,  AND 
HIS    GALLANT    ACHIEVEMENTS    ON    THE    DELAWARE. 

<'n  \p.  I. — In  which  is  exhibited  a  warlike  Portrait  of  the  great  Peter — 
d(  the  windv  contest  of  General  Van  Foffenburgh  and  General  Print/, 
and  of  the  Mosquito  War  on  the  Delaware 310 


CONTENTS. 


CHAP.  II.— Of  Jan  Risingh,  his  giantly  person  and  crafty  deeds ;  and  of 
the  Catastrophe  at  Fort  Casiinir  ...•••••  326 

CHAP.  III. — Showing  how  profound  secrets  are  often  brought  to  light; 
with  the  proceedings  of  Peter  the  Headstrong  when  he  heard  of  the 
misfortunes  of  General  Van  Pofi'enburgh  ......  333 

CHAP.  IV.— Containing  Peter  Stuyvesant's  Voyage  up  the  Hudson,  and 
the  wonders  and  delights  of  that  renowned  river  ....  341 

CHAP.  V. — Describing  the  powerful  Army  that  assembled  at  the  city  of 
New  Amsterdam — together  with  the  interview  between  Peter  the 
Headstrong  and  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  and  Peter's  sentiments 
touching  unfortunate  great  men 349 

CHAP.  VI.— In  which  the  Author  discourses  very  ingeniously  of  himself 
— after  which  is  to  be  found  much  interesting  history  about  Peter 
the  Headstrong  and  his  followers 357 

CHAP.  VII.— Showing  the  great  advantage  that  the  Author  has  over  his 
Reader  in  time  of  Battle — together  with  divers  portentous  move 
ments  ;  which  betoken  that  something  terrible  is  about  to  happen  .  367 

CHAP.  VIII. — Containing  the  most  horrible  battle  ever  recorded  in  poetry 
or  prose ;  with  the  admirable  exploits  of  Peter  the  Headstrong  .  374 

CHAP.  IX. — In  which  the  Author  and  the  Reader,  while  reposing  after 
the  battle,  fall  into  a  very  grave  discourse,  after  which  is  recorded 
the  conduct  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  after  his  victory  .  .  .  .386 

BOOK  VII. 

CONTAINING  THE  THIRD  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG — HIS 
TROUBLES  WITH  THE  BRITISH  NATION,  AND  THE  DECLINE  AND  FALL  OF 
THE  DUTCH  DYNASTY. 

CHAP.  I. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  relieved  the  Sovereign  People  from  the 
burthen  of  taking  care  of  the  nation ;  with  sundry  particulars  of 
his  conduct  in  the  time  of  peace,  and  of  the  rise  of  a  great  Dutch 
aristocracy  ............  396 

CHAP.  II. — How  Peter  Stnyvesant  labored  to  civilize  the  community — 
how  he  was  a  great  promoter  of  holidays— how  he  instituted  kissing 
on  New  Year's  Day — how  he  distributed  fiddles  throughout  the  New- 
Netherlands — how  he  ventured  to  reform  the  Ladies'  petticoats,  and 
how  he  caught  a  Tartar 403 

CHAP.  III. — How  troubles  thicken  on  the  province— how  it  is  threatened 
by  the  Helderbergers — The  Merrylanders,  and  the  Giants  of  the 
Susquehanna  ....,..••••  403 

CHAP.  IV. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  adventured  into  the  East  Country, 

and  how  he  fared  there        .          ........  412 

CHAP.  V. — How  the  Yankees  secretly  sought  the  aid  of  the  British  Cabi 
net  in  their  hostile  schemes  against  the  Manhattoes  ....  420 
1* 


10 


CONTENTS. 


CHAP.  VI. — Of  Peter  Stuyvesant's  expedition  into  the  East  Country, 

showing  that,  though  an  old  bird,  he  did  not  understand  trap  .  423 

CHAP.  VII. — How  the  people  of  New  Amsterdam  were  thrown  into  a 
great  panic,  by  the  news  of  the  threatened  invasion,  and  the  manner 
in  which  they  fortified  themselves  .......  428 

CHAP.  VIII. — How  the  Grand  Council  of  the  New  Netherlands  were 
miraculously  gifted  with  long  tongues  in  the  moment  of  emergency 
— showing  the  value  of  words  in  warfare  ......  432 

CHAP.  IX. — In  which  the  troubles  of  New  Amsterdam  appear  to  thicken — 
showing  the  bravery  in  time  of  peril,  of  a  people  who  defend  them 
selves  by  resolutions  ..........  437 

CHAP.  X. — Containing  a  doleful  disaster  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter — and 
how  Peter  Stuvvesant,  like  a  second  Cromwell,  suddenly  dissolved 
a  Rump  Parliament  ..........  446 

CHAP.  XI. — How  Peter  Stuyvesant  defended  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam 

for  several  days,  by  dint  of  the  strength  of  his  head  .  .  .  452 

CHAP.  XII. — Containing  the  dignified  retirement,  and  mortal  surrender 

of  Peter  the  Headstrong 460 

CHAP.  XIII. — The  Author's  reflections  upon  what  has  been  said      .        .  467 


ILLUSTRATIONS. 


PORTRAIT  OF  THK  AUTHOR,  painted  at  the  time  "  Knicker-  / 

bocker "  was  written  (1809), < 

DUTCH  COURTSHIP, 

DUTCH  COURTSHIP, 

PORTRAIT  OF  DIEDRICH  KNICKERBOCKER,        .... 
KNICKERBOCKER  AND  THE  CRYING   CHILDREN, 

KNICKERBOCKER'S  Bow  TO  THE  PUBLIC, 

KNICKERBOCKER  ENTRENCHED, 

A  SCHEPEN  LAUGHING  AT  A  BURGOMASTER'S  JOKE, 
DUTCH  EXPLORING  EXPEDITION  CAST  AWAY  AT  HURLGATE, 

VAN  CURLET'S  BEARER  OF  DESPATCHES, 

MEETING  OF  THE  TWO  ARMIES, 

PETER  STUYVESANT'S  ARMY, 

GREAT  BATTLE  AT  FORT  CHRISTINA, 

PETER  STUYVESANT  IN  COUNCIL, 


JARVIS,  Front. 

0.  E.  LESLIE,    Title. 


DARLEY, 

DARLEY, 

DARLEY, 

DARLEY, 

HOPPIN, 

"W.  ALLSTON, 

DARLEY, 

DARLEY, 

CRUIKSHANK, 

CRUIKSHANK, 

DARLEY, 

CRUIKSHANK, 


10 

16 

27 

28 

35 

155 

120 

206 

332 

856 

885 

436 


THE  AUTHOR'S  APOLOGY. 

THE  following  work,  in  which,  at  the  outset,  nothing  more  was 
contemplated  than  a  temporary  jeu  d'esprit,  was  commenced  in  com 
pany  with  my  brother,  the  late  Peter  Irving,  Esq.  Our  idea  was, 
to  parody  a  small  hand-book  which  had  recently  appeared,  entitled 
"  A  Picture  of  New  York."  Like  that,  our  work  was  to  begin 
with  an  historical  sketch  ;  to  be  followed  by  notices  of  the  customs, 
manners,  and  institutions  of  the  city ;  written  in  a  serio-comic 
vein,  and  treating  local  errors,  follies,  and  abuses  with  good-hu 
mored  satire. 

To  burlesque  the  pedantic  lore  displayed  in  certain  American 
works,  our  historical  sketch  was  to  commence  with  the  creation  of 
the  world  ;  and  we  laid  all  kinds  of  works  under  contribution  for 
trite  citations,  relevant,  or  irrelevant,  to  give  it  the  proper  air  of 
learned  research.  Before  this  crude  mass  of  mock  erudition  could 
be  digested  into  form,  my  brother  departed  for  Europe,  and  I  was 
left  to  prosecute  the  enterprise  alone. 

I  now  altered  the  plan  of  the  work.  Discarding  all  idea  of  a 
parody  on  the  Picture  of  New  York,  I  determined  that  what  had 
been  originally  intended  as  an  introductory  sketch,  should  comprise 
the  whole  work,  and  form  a  comic  history  of  the  city.  I  accord 
ingly  moulded  the  mass  of  citations  and  disquisitions  into  introduc 
tory  chapters  forming  the  first  book  ;  but  it  soon  became  evident 
to  me  that,  like  Robinson  Crusoe  with  his  boat,  I  had  begun  on  too 
large  a  scale,  and  that,  to  launch  my  history  successfully,  I  must 
reduce  its  proportions.  I  accordingly  resolved  to  confine  it  to  the 


THE  AUTHORS  APOLOGY 


period  of  the  Dutch  domination,  which,  in  its  rise,  progress,  and 
decline,  presented  that  unity  of  subject  required  by  classic  rule.  It 
was  a  period,  also,  at  that  time  almost  a  terra  incognita  in  history. 
In  fact,  I  was  surprised  to  find  how  few  of  my  fellow-citizens  were 
aware  that  New  York  had  ever  been  called  New  Amsterdam,  or 
had  heard  of  the  names  of  its  early  Dutch  governors,  or  cared  a 
straw  about  their  ancient  Dutch  progenitors. 

This,  then,  broke  upon  me  as  the  poetic  age  of  our  city  ;  poetic 
from  its  very  obscurity  ;  and  open,  like  the  early  and  obscure  days 
of  ancient  Rome,  to  all  the  embellishments  of  heroic  fiction.  I 
hailed  my  native  city,  as  fortunate  above  all  other  American  cities, 
in  having  an  antiquity  thus  extending  back  into  the  regions  of 
doubt  and  fable ;  neither  did  I  conceive  I  was  committing  any 
grievous  historical  sin  in  helping  out  the  few  facts  I  could  collect 
in  this  remote  and  forgotten  region  with  figments  of  my  own 
brain,  or  in  giving  characteristic  attributes  to  the  few  names  con 
nected  with  it  which  I  might  dig  up  from  oblivion. 

In  this,  doubtless,  I  reasoned  like  a  young  and  inexperienced 
writer,  besotted  with  his  own  fancies ;  and  my  presumptuous  tres 
passes  into  this  sacred,  though  neglected,  region  of  history,  have 
met  with  deserved  rebuke  from  men  of  soberer  minds.  It  is  too 
late,  however,  to  recall  the  shaft  thus  rashly  launched.  To  any 
one  whose  sense  of  fitness  it  may  wound,  I  can  only  say  with 
Hamlet, 

Let  my  disclaiming  from  a  purposed  evil 
Free  me  so  far  in  your  most  generous  thoughts, 
That  I  have  shot  my  arrow  o'er  the  house, 
And  hurt  my  brother. 

I  will  say  this  in  further  apology  for  my  work :  that  if  it  has 
taken  an  unwarrantable  liberty  with  our  early  provincial  history, 
it  has  at  least  turned  attention  to  that  history  and  provoked  re 
search.  It  is  only  since  this  work  appeared  that  the  forgotten 
archives  of  the  province  have  been  rummaged,  and  the  facts  and 


13 


personages  of  the  olden  time  rescued  from  the  dust  of  oblivion  and 
elevated  into  whatever  importance  they  may  virtually  possess. 

The  main  object  of  my  work,  in  fact,  had  a  bearing  wide  from 
the  sober  aim  of  history ;  but  one  which,  I  trust,  will  meet  with 
some  indulgence  from  poetic  minds.  It  was  to  embody  the  tradi 
tions  of  our  city  in  an  amusing  form  ;  to  illustrate  its  local  humors, 
customs,  and  peculiarities ;  to  clothe  home  scenes  and  places  and 
familiar  names  with  those  imaginative  and  whimsical  associations 
so  seldom  met  with  in  our  new  country,  but  which  live  like  charms 
and  spells  about  the  cities  of  the  old  world,  binding  the  heart  of 
the  native  inhabitant  to  his  home. 

In  this  I  have  reason  to  believe  I  have  in  some  measure  succeed 
ed.  Before  the  appearance  of  my  work  the  popular  traditions  of 
our  city  were  unrecorded  ;  the  peculiar  and  racy  customs  and  usages 
derived  from  our  Dutch  progenitors  were  unnoticed  or  regarded 
with  indifference,  or  adverted  to  with  a  sneer.  ISTow  they  form  a 
convivial  currency,  and  are  brought  forward  on  all  occasions  ;  they 
link  our  whole  community  together  in  good  humor  and  good  fel 
lowship  ;  they  are  the  rallying  points  of  home  feeling ;  the  season 
ing  of  our  civic  festivities ;  the  staple  of  local  tales  and  local 
pleasantries ;  and  are  so  harped  upon  by  our  writers  of  popular 
fiction,  that  I  find  myself  almost  crowded  off  the  legendary  ground 
which  I  was  the  first  to  explore,  by  the  host  who  have  followed  in 
my  footsteps. 

I  dwell  on  this  head  because,  at  the  first  appearance  of  my  work, 
its  aim  and  drift  were  misapprehended  by  some  of  the  descendants 
of  the  Dutch  worthies ;  and  because  I  understand  that  now  and 
then  one  may  still  be  found  to  regard  it  with  a  captious  eye.  The 
far  greater  part,  however,  I  have  reason  to  flatter  myself,  receive 
my  good-humored  picturings  in  the  same  temper  in  which  they 
were  executed ;  and  when  I  find,  after  a  lapse  of  nearly  forty  years, 
this  hap-hazard  production  of  my  youth  still  cherished  among 
them  ;  when  I  find  its  very  name  become  a  "  household  word  "  and 


14  THE  AUTHORS  APOLOGY. 

used  to  give  the  home  stamp  to  every  tiling  recommended  for  pop 
ular  acceptation,  such  as  Knickerbocker  societies ;  Knickerbocker 
insurance  companies ;  Knickerbocker  steamboats  ;  Knickerbocker 
omnibuses;  Knickerbocker  bread,  and  Knickerbocker  ice;  and 
when  I  find  New  Yorkers  of  Dutch  descent  priding  themselves 
upon  being  "  genuine  Knickerbockers,"  I  please  myself  with  the 
persuasion  that  I  have  struck  the  right  chord ;  that  my  dealings 
with  the  good  old  Dutch  times,  and  the  customs  and  usages  de 
rived  from  them,  are  in  harmony  with  the  feelings  and  humors  of 
rny  townsmen  ;  that  I  have  opened  a  vein  of  pleasant  associations 
and  quaint  characteristics  peculiar  to  my  native  place,  and  which 
its  inhabitants  will  not  willingly  suffer  to  pass  away;  and  that 
though  other  histories  of  Kew  York  may  appear  of  higher  claims 
to  learned  acceptation,  and  may  take  their  dignified  and  appropri 
ate  rank  in  the  family  library ;  Knickerbocker's  history  will  still 
be  received  with  good-humored  indulgence,  and  be  thumbed  and 
chuckled  over  by  the  family  fireside.  "W.  I. 

SUNNYSIDE,  1848. 


NOTICES 


WHICH  APPEARED    IX    THE    NEWSPAPERS    PREVIOUS    TO    THE    PUBLICA 
TION    OF    THIS    WORK. 


From  the  Evening  Post  of  October  26,  1809. 
DISTRESSING. 

Left  his  lodgings,  some  time  since,  and  has  not  since  been  heard  of,  a 
small  elderly  gentleman,  dressed  in  an  old  black  coat  and  cocked  hat,  by  the 
name  of  Knickerbocker.  As  there  are  some  reasons  for  believing  he  is  not 
entirely  in  his  right  mind,  and  as  great  anxiety  is  entertained  about  him,  any 
information  concerning  him  left  either  at  the  Columbian  Hotel,  Mulberry 
street,  or  at  the  office  of  this  paper,  will  be  thankfully  received. 

P.  S.  Printers  of  newspapers  would  be  aiding  the  cause  of  humanity  in 
giving  an  insertion  to  the  above. 


From  the  same,  November  6, 1S09. 
To  the  Editor  of  tlie  Even  ing  Post  : 

SIR, — Having  read  in  your  paper  of  the  26th  October  last,  a  paragraph 
respecting  an  old  gentleman  by  the  name  of  Knickerbocker,  who  was  missing 
from  his  lodgings ;  if  it  would  be  any  relief  to  his  friends,  or  furnish  tlu-m 
with  any  clue  to  discover  where  he  is,  you  may  inform  them  that  a  person 
answering  the  description  given,  was  seen  by  the  passengers  of  the  Albany 
stage,  early  in  the  morning,  about  four  or  five  weeks  since,  resting  himself 
by  the  side  of  the  road,  a  little  above  King's  Bridge.  He  had  in  his  hand  a 
small  bundle  tied  in  a  red  bandana  handkerchief:  he  appeared  to  be  travel 
ling  northward,  and  was  very  much  fatigued  and  exhausted. 

A   TRAVELLER. 


16  NOTICES. 

From  the  same,  November  16, 1809. 
To  the  Editor  of  the  Evening  Post : 

SIR, — You  have  been  good  enough  to  publish  in  your  paper  a  paragraph 
about  Mr.  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  who  was  missing  so  strangely  some  time 
since.  Nothing  satisfactory  has  been  heard  of  the  old  gentleman  since ;  but 
a  very  curious  kind  of  a  written  look  has  been  found  in  his  room,  in  his  own 
handwriting.  Now  I  wish  you  to  notice  him,  if  he  is  still  alive,  that  if  he 
does  not  return  and  pay  off  his  bill  for  boarding  and  lodging,  I  shall  have  to 
dispose  of  his  book  to  satisfy  me  for  the  same. 

I  am,  sir,  your  humble  servant, 

SETH  HANDASIDE, 
Landlord  of  the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  Mulberry  street. 


From  the  same,  November  28, 1809. 

LITERARY  NOTICE. 
INSKEEP  &  BRADFORD  have  in  press,  and  will  shortly  publish 

A    HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK, 
In  two  volumes,  duodecimo.     Price  Three  Dollars. 

Containing  an  account  of  its  discovery  and  settlement,  with  its  internal  poli 
cies,  manners,  customs,  wars,  &c.,  &c.,  un'der  the  Dutch  government,  fur 
nishing  many  curious  and  interesting  particulars  never  before  published, 
and  which  are  gathered  from  various  manuscript  and  other  authenticated 
sources,  the  whole  being  interspersed  with  philosophical  speculations  and 
moral  precepts. 

This  work  was  found  in  the  chamber  of  Mr.  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  the 
old  gentleman  whose  sudden  and  mysterious  disappearance  has  been  noticed. 
It  is  published  in  order  to  discharge  certain  debts  he  has  left  behind. 


From  the  American  Citizen,  December  6, 1809. 

Is  this  day  published 

By  INSKEEP  &  BRADFORD,  No.  128  Broadway, 
A   HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK, 

&c.,  &c. 
(Containing  same  as  above.  ] 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

TT  was  some  time,  if  I  recollect  right,  in  the  early  part  of  the 
-*-  autumn  of  1808,  that  a  stranger  applied  for  lodgings  at  the 
Independent  Columbian  Hotel  in  Mulberry  street,  of  which  I 
am  landlord.  He  was  a  small,  brisk-looking  old  gentleman, 
dressed  in  a  rusty  black  coat,  a  pair  of  olive  velvet  breeches, 
and  a  small  cocked  hat.  He  had  a  few  gray  hairs  plaited  and 
clubbed  behind,  and  his  beard  seemed  to  be  of  some  eight-and- 
forty  hours'  growth.  The  only  piece  of  finery  which  he  bore 
about  him,  was  a  bright  pair  of  square  silver  shoebuckles,  and  all 
his  baggage  was  contained  in  a  pair  of  saddle-bags,  which  he  car 
ried  under  his  arm.  His  whole  appearance  was  something  out 
of  the  common  run ;  and  my  wife,  who  is  a  very  shrewd  body, 
at  once  set  him  down  for  some  eminent  country  schoolmaster. 
As  the  Independent  Columbian  Hotel  is  a  very  small  house, 
I  was  a  little  puzzled  at  first  where  to  put  him  ;  but  my  wife, 
who  seemed  taken  with  his  looks,  would  needs  put  him  in  her 
best  chamber,  which  is  genteelly  set  off  with  the  profiles  of 
the  whole  family,  done  in  black,  by  those  two  great  painters, 
Jarvis  and  Wood  ;  and  commands  a  very  pleasant  view  of  the 
new  grounds  on  the  Collect,  together  with  the  rear'  of  the 
Poor  House  and  Bridewell,  and  a  full  front  of  the  Hospital ; 
so  that  it  is  the  cheerfullest  room  in  the  whole  house. 


18  ACCOUNT    OF    THE    AUTHOR. 

During  the  whole  time  that  he  stayed  with  us,  we  found 
him  a  very  worthy  good  sort  of  an  old  gentleman,  though  a 
little  queer  in  his  ways.  He  would  keep  in  his  room  for  days 
together,  and  if  any  of  the  children  cried,  or  made  a  noise 
about  his  door,  he  would  bounce  out  in  a  great  passion,  with 
his  hands  full  of  papers,  and  say  something  about  "  deranging 
his  ideas ; "  which  made  my  wife  believe  sometimes  that  he 
was  not  altogether  compos.  Indeed,  there  was  more  than  one 
reason  to  make  her  think  so,  for  his  room  was  always  covered 
with  scraps  of  paper  and  old  mouldy  books,  laying  about  at 
sixes  and  sevens,  which  he  would  never  let  anybody  touch  ; 
for  he  said  he  had  laid  them  all  away  in  their  proper  places, 
so  that  he  might  know  where  to  find  them ;  though  for  that 
matter,  he  was  half  his  time  worrying  about  the  house  in 
search  of  some  book  or  writing  which  he  had  carefully  put 
out  of  the  wray.  1  shall  never  forget  what  a  pother  he  once 
made,  because  my  wife  cleaned  out  his  room  when  his  back 
was  turned,  and  put  every  thing  to  rights ;  for  he  swore  he 
would  never  be  able  to  get  his  papers  in  order  again  in  a  twelve 
month.  Upon  this  my  wife  ventured  to  ask  him  what  he  did 
with  so  many  books  and  papers ;  and  he  told  her,  that  lu-  was 
"  seeking  for  immortality  ;  "  which  made  her  think  more  than 
ever,  that  the  poor  old  gentleman's  head  was  a  little  cracked. 

lie  was  a  very  inquisitive  body,  and  when  not  in  his  room 
was  continually  poking  about  town,  hearing  all  tlu-  news,  and 
prying  into  every  thing  that  was  going  on  :  tin's  was  particu 
larly  the  case  about  election  time,  when  he  did  nothing  but 
hustle  about  from  poll  to  poll,  attending  all  ward  meetings, 
and  committee  rooms  ;  though  I  could  never  find  that  he  took 
part  with  either  side  of  the  question.  On  the  contrary,  lu- 


ACCOUNT    OF    THE    AUTHOR.  10 

would  come  home  and  rail  at  both  parties  with  great  wrath — 
and  plainly  proved  one  day,  to  the  satisfaction  of  my  wife  and 
three  old  ladies  who  were  drinking  tea  with  her,  that  the  two 
parties  were  like  two  rogues,  each  tugging  at  a  skirt  of  the 
nation  ;  and  that  in  the  end  they  would  tear  the  very  coat  off 
its  back,  and  expose  its  nakedness.  Indeed  he  was  an  oracle 
among  the  neighbors,  who  would  collect  around  him  to  hear 
him  talk  of  an  afternoon,  as  he  smoked  his  pipe  on  the  bench 
before  the  door  ;  and  I  really  believe  he  would  have  brought 
over  the  whole  neighborhood  to  his  own  side  of  the  question, 
if  they  could  ever  have  found  out  what  it  was. 

He  was  very  much  given  to  argue,  or,  as  he  called  it,  phi 
losophize,  about  the  most  trifling  matter ;  and  to  do  him  jus 
tice,  I  never  knew  anybody  that  was  a  match  for  him,  except 
it  was  a  grave-looking  old  gentleman  who  called  now  and  then 
to  see  him,  and  often  posed  him  in  an  argument.  But  this  is 
nothing  surprising,  as  I  have  since  found  out  this  stranger  is 
the  city  librarian  ;  who,  of  course,  must  be  a  man  of  great 
learning  :  and  I  have  my  doubts  if  he  had  not  some  hand  in 
the  following  history. 

As  our  lodger  had  been  a  long  time  with  us,  and  we  had 
never  received  any  pay,  my  wife  began  to  be  somewhat  un 
easy,  and  curious  to  find  out  who  and  what  he  was.  She  ac 
cordingly  made  bold  to  put  the  question  to  his  friend,  the 
librarian,  who  replied  in  his  dry  way  that  he  was  one  of  the 
literati,  which  she  supposed  to  mean  some  new  party  in  pol 
itics.  I  scorn  to  push  a  lodger  for  his  pay  ;  so  I  let  day  after 
day  pass  on  without  dunning  the  old  gentleman  for  a  iarthmg  : 
but  my  wife,  who  always  takes  these  matters  on  herself,  and 
is,  as  T  said,  a  shrewd  kind  of  a  woman,  at  last  got  out  of  pa- 


20  A.CCOUKT    OF    THE    AUTHOR. 

tience,  and  hinted,  that  she  thought  it  high  time  "  some  people 
should  have  a  sight  of  some  people's  money."  To  which,  the 
old  gentleman  replied,  in  a  mighty  touchy  manner,  that  she 
need  not  make  herself  uneasy,  for  that  he  had  a  treasure  there, 
(pointing  to  his  saddlebags,)  worth  her  whole  house  put  to 
gether.  This  was  the  only  answer  we  could  ever  get  from 
him  ;  and  as  my  wife,  by  some  of  those  odd  ways  in  which 
women  find  out  every  thing,  learnt  that  he  was  of  very  great 
connections,  being  related  to  the  Knickerbockers  of  Scaghti- 
koke,  and  cousin-german  to  the  congressman  of  that  name,  she 
did  not  like  to  treat  him  uncivilly.  What  is  more,  she  even 
offered,  merely  by  way  of  making  things  easy,  to  let  him  live 
scot-free,  if  he  would  teach  the  children  their  letters ;  and  to 
try  her  best  and  get  her  neighbors  to  send  their  children  also : 
but  the  old  gentleman  took  it  in  such  dudgeon,  and  seemed  so 
affronted  at  being  taken  for  a  schoolmaster,  that  she  never 
dared  to  speak  on  the  subject  again. 

About  two  months  ago,  he  went  out  of  a  morning,  with  a 
bundle  in  his  hand,  and  has  never  been  heard  of  since.  All 
kinds  of  inquiries  were  made  after  him,  but  in  vain.  I  wrote 
to  his  relations  at  Scaghtikoke,  but  they  sent  for  answer,  that 
he  had  not  been  there  since  the  year  before  last,  when  he  had 
a  great  dispute  with  the  congressman  about  politics,  and  left 
the  place  in  a  huff,  and  they  had  neither  heard  nor  seen  any 
thing  of  him  from  that  time  to  this.  I  must  own  I  felt  very 
much  worried  about  the  poor  old  gentleman,  for  I  thought 
something  bad  must  have  happened  to  him,  that  he  should  be 
missing  so  long,  and  never  return  to  pay  his  bill.  I  therefore 
advertised  him  in  the  newspapers,  and  though  my  melancholy 
advertisement  was  published  by  several  humane  printers,  yet 


ACCOUNT    OF    THE    AUTHOR.  21 

I  have  never  been  able  to  learn  any  thing  satisfactory  about 
him. 

My  wife  now  said  it  was  high  time  to  take  care  of  our 
selves,  and  see  if  he  had  left  any  thing  behind  in  his  room, 
that  would  pay  us  for  his  board  and  lodging.  We  found 
nothing,  however,  but  some  old  books  and  musty  writings,  and 
his  saddle-bags  ;  which,  being  opened  in  the  presence  of  the 
librarian,  contained  only  a  few  articles  of  worn-out  clothes, 
and  a  large  bundle  of  blotted  paper.  On  looking  over  this, 
the  librarian  told  us  he  had  no  doubt  it  was  the  treasure 
which  the  old  gentleman  had  spoken  about ;  as  it  proved  to 
be  a  most  excellent  and  faithful  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK,  which 
he  advised  us  by  all  means  to  publish :  assuring  us  that  it 
would  be  so  eagerly  bought  up  by  a  discerning  public,  that 
he  had  no  doubt  it  would  be  enough  to  pay  our  arrears  ten 
times  over.  Upon  this  we  got  a  very  learned  schoolmaster, 
who  teaches  our  children,  to  prepare  it  for  the  press,  which 
he  accordingly  has  done ;  and  has,  moreover,  added  to  it  a 
number  of  valuable  notes  of  his  own. 

This,  therefore,  is  a  true  statement  of  my  reasons  for  hav 
ing  this  work  printed,  without  waiting  for  the  consent  of  the 
author  :  and  I  here  declare,  that  if  he  ever  returns,  (though  I 
much  fear  some  unhappy  accident  has  befallen  him,)  I  stand 
ready  to  account  with  him  like  a  true  and  honest  man. 
Which  is  all  at  present, 

From  the  public's  humble  servant, 

SETH  HANDASIDE. 
Independent  Columbian  Hotel,  New  York. 

The  foregoing  account  of  the  author  was  prefixed  to  the 


'2'2  ACCOUNT    OF    THE    AUTHOR. 

first  edition  of  this  work.  Shortly  after  its  publication,  a  let 
ter  was  received  from  him,  by  Mr.  Handasidc,  dated  at  a 
small  Dutch  village  011  the  banks  of  the  Hudson,  whither  he 
had  travelled  for  the  purpose  of  inspecting  certain  ancient 
records.  As  this  was  one  of  those  few  and  happy  villages, 
into  which  newspapers  never  find  their  way,  it  is  not  a  matter 
of  surprise  that  Mr.  Knickerbocker  should  never  have  seen 
the  numerous  advertisements  that  were  made  concerning  him  ; 
and  that  he  should  learn  of  the  publication  of  his  history  by 
mere  accident. 

He  expressed  much  concern  at  its  premature  appearance, 
as  thereby  he  was  prevented  from  making  several  important 
corrections  and  alterations :  as  well  as  from  profiting  by 
many  curious  hints  which  he  had  collected  during  his  travels 
along  the  shores  of  the  Tappan  Sea,  and  his  sojourn  at  Haver- 
straw  and  Esopus. 

Finding  that  there  was  no  longer  any  immediate  necessity 
for  his  return  to  New  York,  he  extended  his  journey  up  to  the 
residence  of  his  relations  at  Scaghtikoke.  On  his  way  thither, 
he  stopped  for  some  days  at  Albany,  for  which  city  he  is 
known  to  have  entertained  a  great  partiality.  He  found  it, 
however,  considerably  altered,  and  was  much  concerned  at  the 
inroads  and  improvements  which  the  Yankees  were  making, 
and  the  consequent  decline  of  the  good  old  Dutch  manners. 
Indeed,  he  was  informed  that  these  intruders  were  making  sad 
innovations  in  all  parts  of  the  state;  where  they  had  gi\vn 
great  trouble  and  vexation  to  the  regular  Dutch  settlers,  by 
the  introduction  of  turnpike  gates,  and  country  school-houses. 
It  is  said  also,  that  Mr.  Knickerbocker  shook  his  head  sorrow 
fully  at  noticing  the  gradual  decay  of  the  great  Vandcr  I  Icy- 


ACCOUNT  OF  THE  AUTHOR.  23 

den  palace  ;  but  was  highly  indignant  at  finding  that  the  an 
cient  Dutch  church,  which  stood  in  the  middle  of  the  street, 
had  been  pulled  down,  since  his  last  visit. 

The  fame  of  Mr.  Knickerbocker's  history  having  reached 
even  to  Albany,  he  received  much  flattering  attention  from 
its  worthy  burghers,  some  of  whom,  however,  pointed  out 
two  or  three  very  great  errors  he  had  fallen  into,  particularly 
that  of  suspending  a  lump  of  sugar  over  the  Albany  tea-tables, 
which,  they  assured  him,  had  been  discontinued  for  some 
years  past.  Several  families,  moreover,  were  somewhat 
piqued  that  their  ancestors  had  not  been  mentioned  in  his 
work,  and  showed  great  jealousy  of  their  neighbors  who  had 
thus  been  distinguished ;  while  the  latter,  it  must  be  confessed, 
plumed  themselves  vastly  thereupon ;  considering  these  re 
cordings  in  the  light  of  letters-patent  of  nobility,  establishing 
their  claims  to  ancestry — which,  in  this  republican  country,  is 
a  matter  of  no  little  solicitude  and  vainglory. 

It  is  also  said,  that  he  enjoyed  high  favor  and  countenance 
from  the  governor,  who  once  asked  him  to  dinner,  and  was 
seen  two  or  three  times  to  shake  hands  with  him,  when  they 
met  in  the  streets  ;  which  certainly  was  going  great  lengths, 
considering  that  they  differed  in  politics.  Indeed,  certain  of 
the  governor's  confidential  friends,  to  whom  he  could  venture 
to  speak  his  mind  freely  on  such  matters,  have  assured  us, 
that  he  privately  entertained  a  considerable  good  will  for  our 
author — nay,  he  even  once  went  so  far  as  to  declare,  and  that 
openly  too,  and  at  his  own  table,  just  after  dinner,  that 
"  Knickerbocker  was  a  very  well  meaning  sort  of  an  old  gen 
tleman,  and  no  fool."  From  all  which  many  have  been  led 
to  suppose,  that  had  our  author  been  of  different  politics,  and 


24  ACCOUNT    OF    THE    AUTHOR. 

written  for  the  newspapers  instead  of  wasting  his  talents  on 
histories,  he  might  have  risen  to  some  post  of  honor  and 
profit :  peradventure,  to  be  a  notary  public,  or  even  a  justice 
in  the  ten-pound  court. 

Beside  the  honors  and  civilities  already  mentioned,  he  was 
much  caressed  by  the  literati  of  Albany  ;  particularly  by  Mr. 
John  Cook,  who  entertained  him  very  hospitably  at  his  circu 
lating  library,  and  reading  room,  where  they  used  to  drink 
Spa  water,  and  talk  about  the  ancients.  He  found  Mr.  Cook 
a  man  after  his  own  heart — of  great  literary  research,  and  a 
curious  collector  of  books.  At  parting,  the  latter,  in  testi 
mony  of  friendship,  made  him  a  present  of  the  two  oldest 
works  in  his  collection  ;  which  were  the  earliest  edition  of  the 
Heidelberg  Catechism,  and  Adrian  Vander  Donck's  famous 
account  of  the  New  Netherlands  :  by  the  last  of  which,  Mr. 
Knickerbocker  profited  greatly  in  this  his  second  edition. 

Having  passed  some  time  very  agreeably  at  Albany,  our 
author  proceeded  to  Scaghtikoke  :  where,  it  is  but  justice  to 
say,  he  was  received  with  open  arms,  and  treated  with  won 
derful  loving-kindness.  He  was  much  looked  up  to  by  the 
family,  being  the  first  historian  of  the  name ;  and  was  consid 
ered  almost  as  great  a  man  as  his  cousin  the  congressman — 
with  whom,  by  the  by,  he  became  perfectly  reconciled,  and 
contracted  a  strong  friendship. 

In  spite,  however,  of  the  kindness  of  his  relations,  and  their 
great  attention  to  his  comforts,  the  old  gentleman  soon  be 
came  restless  and  discontented.  His  history  being  published, 
he  had  no  longer  any  business  to  occupy  his  thoughts,  or  any 
scheme  to  excite  his  hopes  and  anticipations.  This,  to  a  busy 
mind  like  his,  was  a  truly  deplorable  situation  ;  and,  had  he 


ACCOUNT   OF   THE   AUTHOR.  25 

not  been  a  man  of  inflexible  morals  and  regular  habits,  there 
would  have  been  great  danger  of  his  taking  to  politics,  or 
drinking — both  which  pernicious  vices  we  daily  see  men 
driven  to,  by  mere  spleen  and  idleness. 

It  is  true,  he  sometimes  employed  himself  in  preparing  a 
second  edition  of  his  history,  wherein  he  endeavored  to  cor 
rect  and  improve  many  passages  with  which  he  was  dissatis 
fied,  and  to  rectify  some  mistakes  that  had  crept  into  it ;  for 
he  was  particularly  anxious  that  his  work  should  be  noted 
for  i'ts  authenticity ;  which,  indeed,  is  the  very  life  and  soul 
of  history.  But  the  glow  of  composition  had  departed — he 
had  to  leave  many  places  untouched,  which  he  would  fain  have 
altered  ;  and  even  where  he  did  make  alterations,  he  seemed 
always  in  doubt  whether  they  were  for  the  better  or  the 
worse. 

After  a  residence  of  some  time  at  Scaghtikoke,  he  began 
to  feel  a  strong  desire  to  return  to  New  York,  which  he  ever 
regarded  with  the  warmest  affection ;  not  merely  because  it 
was  his  native  city?  but  because  he  really  considered  it  the 
very  best  city  in  the  whole  world.  On  his  return,  he  entered 
into  the  full  enjoyment  of  the  advantages  of  a  literary  repu 
tation.  He  was  continually  importuned  to  write  advertise 
ments,  petitions,  handbills,  and  productions  of  similar  import ; 
and,  although  he  never  meddled  with  the  public  papers,  yet 
had  he  the  credit  of  writing  innumerable  essays,  and  smart 
things,  that  appeared  on  all  subjects,  and  all  sides  of  the  ques 
tion  ;  in  all  which  he  was  clearly  detected  "  by  his  style." 

He  contracted,  moreover,  a  considerable  debt  at  the  post- 
office,  in  consequence  of  the  numerous  letters  he  received  from 
authors  and  printers  soliciting  his  subscription,  and  he  was 
2 


26  ACCOUNT   OF   THE   AUTHOE. 

applied  to  by  every  charitable  society  for  yearly  donations, 
which  he  gave  very  cheerfully,  considering  these  applications 
as  so  many  compliments.  He  was  once  invited  to  a  great 
corporation  dinner  ;  and  was  even  twice  summoned  to  attend 
as  a  juryman  at  the  court  of  quarter  sessions.  Indeed,  so 
renowned  did  he  become,  that  he  could  no  longer  pry  about, 
as  formerly,  in  all  holes  and  corners  of  the  city,  according  to 
the  bent  of  his  humor,  unnoticed  and  uninterrupted  ;  but  sev 
eral  times  when  he  has  been  sauntering  the  streets,  on  his 
usual  rambles  of  observation,  equipped  with  his  cane,  and 
cocked  hat,  the  little  boys  at  play  have  been  known  to  cry, 
"  there  goes  Diedrich  !  " — at  which  the  old  gentleman  seemed 
not  a  little  pleased,  looking  upon  these  salutations  in  the  light 
of  the  praise  of  posterity. 

In  a  word,  if  we  take  into  consideration  all  these  various 
honors  and  distinctions,  together  with  an  exuberant  eulogium 
passed  on  him  in  the  Port  Folio — (with  which,  we  are  told, 
the  old  gentleman  was  so  much  overpowered,  that  he  was  sick 
for  two  or  three  days) — it  must  be  confessed,  that  few  authors 
have  ever  lived  to  receive  such  illustrious  rewards,  or  have  so 
completely  enjoyed  in  advance  their  own  immortality. 

After  his  return  from  Scaghtikoke,  Mr.  Knickerbocker 
took  up  his  residence  at  a  little  rural  retreat,  which  the  Stuy- 
vesants  had  granted  him  on  the  family  domain,  in  gratitude 
for  his  honorable  mention  of  their  ancestor.  It  was  pleasantly 
situated  on  the  borders  of  one  of  the  salt  marshes  beyond  Cor- 
lear's  Hook :  subject,  indeed,  to  be  occasionally  overflowed, 
and  much  infested,  in  the  summer  time,  with  mosquitos ; 
but  otherwise  very  agreeable,  producing  abundant  crops  of 
salt  grass  and  bulrushes. 


ACCOUNT   OF   THE   AUTHOR. 


27 


Here,  we  are  sorry  to  say,  the  good  old  gentleman  fell 
dangerously  ill  of  a  fever,  occasioned  by  the  neighboring 
marshes.  When  he  found  his  end  approaching,  he  disposed 
of  his  worldly  affairs,  leaving  the  bulk  of  his  fortune  to  the 
New  York  Historical  Society  :  his  Heidelberg  Catechism,  and 
Vander  Donck's  work  to  the  city  library  ;  and  his  saddle-bags 
to  Mr.  Handaside.  He  forgave  all  his  enemies — that  is  to 
say,  all  who  bore  any  enmity  towards  him ;  for  as  to  himself, 
he  declared  he  died  in  good  will  with  all  the  world.  And, 
after  dictating  several  kind  messages  to  his  relations  at  Scagh- 
tikoke,  as  well  as  to  certain  of  our  most  substantial  Dutch 
citizens,  he  expired  in  the  arms  of  his  friend  the  librarian. 

His  remains  were  interred,  according  to  his  own  request, 
in  St.  Mark's  churchyard,  close  by  the  bones  of  his  favorite 
hero,  Peter  Stuy  vesant :  and  it  is  rumored,  that  the  Historical 
Society  have  it  in  mind  to  erect  a  wooden  monument  to  his 
memory  in  the  Bowling  Green. 


TO  THE  PUBLIC. 

<e  ri^O  rescue  from  oblivion  the  memory  of  former  incidents, 
-*-  and  to  render  a  just  tribute  of  renown  to  the  many  great 
and  wonderful  transactions  of  our  Dutch  progenitors,  Diedrich 
Knickerbocker,  native  of  the  city  of  New  York,  produces  this 
historical  essay."  *  Like  the  great  Father  of  History,  whose 
words  I  have  just  quoted,  I  treat  of  times  long  past,  over 
which  the  twilight  of  uncertainty  had  already  thrown  its  shad 
ows,  and  the  night  of  forgetfulness  was  about  to  descend  for 
ever.  With  great  solicitude  had  I  long  beheld  the  early  his 
tory  of  this  venerable  and  ancient  city  gradually  slipping  from 
our  grasp,  trembling  on  the  lips  of  narrative  old  age,  and  day 
by  day  dropping  piecemeal  into  the  tomb.  In  a  little  wrhile, 
thought  I,  and  those  reverend  Dutch  burghers,  who  serve  as 
the  tottering  monuments  of  good  old  times,  will  be  gathered 
to  their  fathers ;  their  children,  engrossed  by  the  empty  pleas 
ures  or  insignificant  transactions  of  the  present  age,  will  neg 
lect  to  treasure  up  the  recollections  of  the  past,  and  posterity 
will  search  in  vain  for  memorials  of  the  days  of  the  Patri 
archs.  The  origin  of  our  city  will  be  buried  in  eternal 
oblivion,  and  even  the  names  and  achievements  of  Wouter 
Van  Twiller,  William  Kicft,  and  Peter  Stuyvesant,  be  envel- 

*  Beloe's  Herodotus. 


30  TO    THE    PUBLIC. 

oped  in  doubt  and  fiction,  like  those  of  Romulus  and  Remus, 
of  Charlemagne,  King  Arthur,  Rinaldo,  and  Godfrey  of  Bo- 
logne. 

Determined,  therefore,  to  avert  if  possible  this  threatened 
misfortune,  I  industriously  set  myself  to  work,  to  gather 
together  all  the  fragments  of  our  infant  history  which  still 
existed,  and  like  my  reverend  prototype,  Herodotus,  where 
no  written  records  could  be  found,  I  have  endeavored  to  con 
tinue  the  chain  of  history  by  well-authenticated  traditions. 

In  this  arduous  undertaking,  which  has  been  the  whole 
business  of  a  long  and  solitary  life,  it  is  incredible  the  number 
of  learned  authors  I  have  consulted ;  and  all  but  to  little  pur 
pose.  Strange  as  it  may  seem,  though  such  multitudes  of 
excellent  works  have  been  written  about  this  country,  there 
are  none  extant  which  gave  any  full  and  satisfactory  account 
of  the  early  history  of  New  York,  or  of  its  three  first  Dutch 
governors.  I  have,  however,  gained  much  valuable  and 
curious  matter,  from  an  elaborate  manuscript  written  in 
exceeding  pure  and  classic  low  Dutch,  excepting  a  few  errors 
in  orthography,  which  was  found  in  the  archives  of  the  Stuy- 
vesant  family.  Many  legends,  letters,  and  other  documents 
have  I  likewise  gleaned,  in  my  researches  among  the  family 
chests  and  lumber  garrets  of  our  respectable  Dutch  citizens ; 
and  I  have  gathered  a  host  of  well-authenticated  traditions 
from  divers  excellent  old  ladies  of  my  acquaintance,  who  re 
quested  that  their  names  might  not  be  mentioned.  Nor  must 
I  neglect  to  acknowledge  how  greatly  I  have  been  assisted  by 
that  admirable  and  praiseworthy  institution,  the  NEW  YORK 
HISTORICAL  SOCIETY,  to  which  I  here  publicly  return  my  sin 
cere  acknowledgments. 


TO    THE    PUBLIC.  31 

In  the  conduct  of  this  inestimable  work  I  have  adopted  no 
individual  model ;  but  on  the  contrary  have  simply  contented 
myself  with  combining  and  concentrating  the  excellences  of 
the  most  approved  ancient  historians.  Like  Xenophon,  I 
have  maintained  the  utmost  impartiality,  and  the  strictest 
adherence  to  truth  throughout  my  history.  I  have  enriched 
it  after  the  manner  of  Sallust,  with  various  characters  of 
ancient  worthies,  drawn  at  full  length,  and  faithfully  colored. 
I  have  seasoned  it  with  profound  political  speculations  like 
Thucydides,  sweetened  it  with  the  graces  of  sentiment  like 
Tacitus,  and  infused  into  the  whole  the  dignity,  the  grandeur, 
and  magnificence  of  Livy. 

I  am  aware  that  I  shall  incur  the  censure  of  numerous 
very  learned  and  judicious  critics,  for  indulging  too  frequently 
in  the  bold  excursive  manner  of  my  favorite  Herodotus.  And 
to  be  candid,  I  have  found  it  impossible  always  to  resist  the 
allurements  of  those  pleasing  episodes  which,  like  flowery 
banks  and  fragrant  bowers,  beset  the  dusty  road  of  the  his 
torian,  and  entice  him  to  turn  aside,  and  refresh  himself  from 
his  wayfaring.  But  I  trust  it  will  be  found  that  I  have  always 
resumed  my  staff,  and  addressed  myself  to  my  weary  journey 
with  renovated  spirits,  so  that  both  my  readers  and  myself 
have  been  benefited  by  the  relaxation. 

Indeed,  though  it  has  been  my  constant  wish  and  uniform 
endeavor  to  rival  Polybius  himself,  in  observing  the  requisite 
unity  of  History,  yet  the  loose  and  unconnected  manner  in 
which  many  of  the  facts  herein  recorded  have  come  to  hand, 
rendered  such  an  attempt  extremely  difficult.  This  difficulty 
was  likewise  increased,  by  one  of  the  grand  objects  contem 
plated  in  my  work,  which  was  to  trace  the  rise  of  sundry  cus- 


32  TO    THE    PUBLIC. 

toms  and  institutions  in  this  best  of  cities,  and  to  compare 
them,  when  in  the  germ  of  infancy,  with  what  they  are  in  the 
present  old  age  of  knowledge  and  improvement. 

But  the  chief  merit  on  which  I  value  myself,  and  found 
my  hopes  for  future  regard,  is  that  faithful  veracity  with 
which  I  have  compiled  this  invaluable  little  work  ;  carefully 
winnowing  away  the  chaff  of  hypothesis,  and  discarding  the 
tares  of  fable,  which  are  too  apt  to  spring  up  and  choke  the 
seeds  of  truth  and  wholesome  knowledge.  Had  I  been  anx 
ious  to  captivate  the  superficial  throng,  wTho  skim  like  swal 
lows  over  the  surface  of  literature  ;  or  had  I  been  anxious  to 
commend  my  writings  to  the  pampered  palates  of  literary 
epicures,  I  might  have  availed  myself  of  the  obscurity  that 
overshadows  the  infant  years  of  our  city,  to  introduce  a  thou 
sand  pleasing  fictions.  But  I  have  scrupulously  discarded 
many  a  pithy  tale  and  marvellous  adventure,  whereby  the 
drowsy  ear  of  summer  indolence  might  be  enthralled;  jeal 
ously  maintaining  that  fidelity,  gravity,  and  dignity,  which 
should  ever  distinguish  the  historian.  "  For  a  writer  of  this 
class,"  observes  an  elegant  critic,  "  must  sustain  the  character 
of  a  wise  man,  writing  for  the  instruction  of  posterity  ;  one 
who  has  studied  to  inform  himself  well,  who  has  pondered  his 
subject  with  care,  and  addresses  himself  to  our  judgment, 
rather  than  to  our  imagination." 

Thrice  happy,  therefore,  is  this  our  renowned  city  in  hav 
ing  incidents  worthy  of  swelling  the  theme  of  history  ;  and 
doubly  thrice  happy  is  it  in  having  such  an  historian  as  myself 
to  relate  them.  For  after  all,  gentle  reader,  cities  of  them 
selves,  and,  in  fact,  empires  of  themselves,  are  nothing  without 
an  historian.  It  is  the  patient  narrator  who  records  their 


TO   THE    TUBLIC. 

prosperity  as  they  rise — who  blazons  forth  the  splendor  of 
their  noon-tide  meridian — who  props  their  feeble  memorials 
as  they  totter  to  decay — who  gathers  together  their"  scattered 
fragments  as  they  rot — and  who  piously,  at  length,  collects 
their  ashes  into  the  mausoleum  of  his  work  and  rears  a  monu 
ment  that  will  transmit  their  renown  to  all  succeeding  ages. 

What  has  been  the  fate  of  many  fair  cities  of  antiquity, 
whose  nameless  ruins  encumber  the  plains  of  Europe  and 
Asia,  and  awaken  the  fruitless  inquiry  of  the  traveller  ?  They 
have  sunk  into  dust  and  silence — they  have  perished  from 
remembrance  for  want  of  an  historian  !  The  philanthropist 
may  weep  over  their  desolation — the  poet  may  wander  among 
their  mouldering  arches  and  broken  columns,  and  indulge  the 
visionary  flights  of  his  fancy — but  alas  !  alas  !  the  modern 
historian,  whose  pen,  like  my  own,  is  doomed  to  confine  itself 
to  dull  matter  of  fact,  seeks  in  vain  among  their  oblivious 
remains,  for  some  memorial  that  may  tell  the  instructive  tale 
of  their  glory  and  their  ruin. 

"  Wars,  conflagrations,  deluges,"  says  Aristotle,  "  destroy 
nations,  and  with  them  all  their  monuments,  their  discoveries, 
and  their  vanities.  The  torch  of  science  has  more  than  once 
been  extinguished  and  rekindled — a  few  individuals,  who  have 
escaped  by  accident,  reunite  the  thread  of  generations." 

The  same  sad  misfortune  which  has  happened  to  so  many 
ancient  cities  will  happen  again,  and  from  the  same  sad  cause, 
to  nine-tenths  of  those  which  now  flourish  on  the  face  of  the 
globe.  With  most  of  them  the  time  for  recording  their  early 
history  is  gone  by  ;  their  origin,  their  foundation,  together 
with  the  eventful  period  of  their  youth,  are  forever  buried  in 
the  rubbish  of  years  ;  and  the  same  would  have  been  the  case 
2* 


34:  TO   THE   PUBLIC. 

with  this  fair  portion  of  the  earth,  if  I  had  not  snatched  it 
from  obscurity  in  the  very  nick  of  time,  at  the  moment  that 
those  matters  herein  recorded  were  about  entering  into  the 
wide-spread  insatiable  maw  of  oblivion — if  I  had  not  dragged 
them  out,  as  it  were,  by  the  very  locks,  just  as  the  monster's 
adamantine  fangs  were  closing  upon  them  forever !  And 
here  have  I,  as  before  observed,  carefully  collected,  collated, 
and  arranged  them,  scrip  and  scrap,  "punt  en  punt,  gat  en 
gat"  and  commenced  in  this  little  work,  a  history  to  serve  as 
a  foundation,  on  which  other  historians  may  hereafter  raise  a 
noble  superstructure,  swelling  in  process  of  time,  until  Knick 
erbocker's  New  York  may  be  equally  voluminous  with  Gib- 
boil's  Rome,  or  Hume  and  Smollefs  England! 

And  now  indulge  me  for  a  moment,  while  I  lay  down  my 
pen,  skip  to  some  little  eminence  at  the  distance  of  two  or 
three  hundred  years  ahead ;  and,  casting  back  a  bird's-eye 
glance  over  the  waste  of  years  that  is  to  roll  between,  discover 
myself— little  I — at  this  moment  the  progenitor,  prototype, 
and  precursor  of  them  all,  posted  at  the  head  of  this  host  of 
literary  worthies,  with  my  book  under  my  arm,  and  New 
York  on  my  back,  pressing  forward,  like  a  gallant  com 
mander,  to  honor  and  immortality. 

Such  are  the  vainglorious  imaginings  that  will  now  and 
then  enter  into  the  brain  of  the  author — that  irradiate,  as  with 
celestial  light,  his  solitary  chamber,  cheering  his  weary  spirits, 
and  animating  him  to  persevere  in  his  labors.  And  I  have 
freely  given  utterance  to  these  rhapsodies  whenever  they  have 
occurred ;  not,  I  trust,  from  an  unusual  spirit  of  egotism,  but 
merely  that  the  reader  may  for  once  have  an  idea,  how  an 
author  thinks  and  feels  while  he  is  writing — a  kind  of  knowl 
edge  very  rare  and  curious,  and  much  to  be  desired. 


*CS,e,.    J 


BOOK  I. 


CONTAINING  DIVERS  INGENIOUS  THEORIES  AND  PHILOSOPHIC 
SPECULATIONS,  CONCERNING  THE  CREATION  AND  POPULA 
TION  OF  THE  WORLD,  AS  CONNECTED  WITH  THE  HISTORY 
OF  NEW  YORK. 

CIIAPTEE  I. 

DESCRIPTION   OF   THE    WORLD. 

A  CCOEDING  to  the  best  authorities,  the  world  in  which 
-^-  we  dwell  is  a  huge,  opaque,  reflecting,  inanimate  mass,  float 
ing  in  the  vast  ethereal  ocean  of  infinite  space.  It  has  the 
form  of  an  orange,  being  an  oblate  spheroid,  curiously  flattened 
at  opposite  parts,  for  the  insertion  of  two  imaginary  poles, 
which  are  supposed  to  penetrate  and  unite  at  the  centre ;  thus 
forming  an  axis  on  which  the  mighty  orange  turns  with  a 
regular  diurnal  revolution. 

The  transitions  of  light  and  darkness,  whence  proceed  the 
alternations  of  day  and  night,  are  produced  by  this  diurnal 
revolution  successively  presenting  the  different  parts  of  the 
earth  to  the  rays  of  the  sun.  The  latter  is,  according  to  the 
best,  that  is  to  say,  the  latest  accounts,  a  luminous  or  fiery 
body,  of  a  prodigious  magnitude,  from  which  this  world  is 


36  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

driven  by  a  centrifugal  or  repelling  power,  and  to  which  it 
is  drawn  by  a  centripetal  or  attractive  force  ;  otherwise  called 
the  attraction  of  gravitation;  the  combination,  or  rather  the 
counteraction  of  these  two  opposing  impulses  producing  a 
circular  and  annual  revolution.  Hence  result  the  different 
seasons  of  the  year,  viz.,  spring,  summer,  autumn,  and  winter. 

This  I  believe  to  be  the  most  approved  modern  theory  on 
the  subject — though  there  be  many  philosophers  who  have 
entertained  very  different  opinions ;  some,  too,  of  them  enti 
tled  to  much  deference  from  their  great  antiquity  and  illustrious 
character.  Thus  it  was  advanced  by  some  of  the  ancient  sages, 
that  the  earth  was  an  extended  plain,  supported  by  vast  pillars ; 
and  by  others,  that  it  rested  on  the  head  of  a  snake,  or  the  back 
of  a  huge  tortoise — but  as  they  did  not  provide  a  resting  place 
for  either  the  pillars  or  the  tortoise,  the  whole  theory  fell  to 
the  ground,  for  want  of  proper  foundation. 

The  Brahmins  assert,  that  the  heavens  rest  upon  the  earth, 
and  the  sun  and  moon  swim  therein  like  fishes  in  the  water, 
moving  from  east  to  west  by  day,  and  gliding  along  the  edge 
of  the  horizon  to  their  original  stations  during  night ;  *  while, 
according  to  the  Pauranicas  of  India,  it  is  a  vast  plain,  encircled 
by  seven  oceans  of  milk,  nectar,  and  other  delicious  liquids  ; 
that  it  is  studded  with  seven  mountains,  and  ornamented  in  the 
centre  by  a  mountainous  rock  of  burnished  gold  ;  and  that  a 
great  dragon  occasionally  swallows  up  the  moon,  which  ac 
counts  for  the  phenomena  of  lunar  eclipses,  f 

Beside  these,  and  many  other  equally  sage  opinions,  we 
have  the  profound  conjectures  of  ABOUL-HASSAN-ALY,  son  of 

*  Faria  y  Souza.     Mick.  lus.  note  b.  7. 
f  Sir  W.  Jones,  Diss.  Antiq.  Ind.  Zod. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKE.  37 

Al  Khan,  son  of  Aly,  son  of  Abderrahman,  son  of  Abclallah, 
son  of  Masoud-el-Hadhcli  who  is  commonly  called  MASOUDI, 
and  surnamed  Cothbiddin,  but  who  takes  the  humble  title  of 
Laheb-ar-rasoul,  which  means  the  companion  of  the  ambassador 
of  God.  He  has  written  a  universal  history  entitled  "  Mou- 
roudge-ed-dharab,  or  the  Golden  Meadows,  and  the  Mines  of 
Precious  Stones."  *  In  this  valuable  work  he  has  related  the 
history  of  the  world  from  the  creation  down  to  the  moment 
of  writing  ;  which  was  under  the  Khaliphat  of  Mothi  Billah, 
in  the  month  Dgioumadi-el-aoual  of  the  836th  year  of  the 
Ilegira  or  flight  of  the  Prophet.  He  informs  us  that  the  earth 
is  a  huge  bird,  Mecca  and  Medina  constituting  the  head,  Persia 
and  India  the  right  wing,  the  land  of  Gog  the  left  wing,  and 
Africa  the  tail.  He  informs  us,  moreover,  that  an  earth  has  ex 
isted  before  the  present  (which  he  considers  as  a  mere  chicken 
of  7000  years),  that  it  has  undergone  divers  deluges,  and  that, 
according  to  the  opinion  of  some  well-informed  Brahmins  of 
his  acquaintance,  it  will  be  renovated  every  seventy  thousandth 
hazarouam  ;  each  hazarouam  consisting  of  12,000  years. 

These  are  a  few  of  the  many  contradictory  opinions  of 
philosophers  concerning  the  earth,  and  we  find  that  the  learned 
have  had  equal  perplexity  as  to  the  nature  of  the  sun.  Some 
of  the  ancient  philosophers  have  affirmed  that  it  is  a  vast  wrheel 
of  brilliant  fire  jf  others  that  it  is  merely  a  mirror  or  sphere  of 
transparent  crystal  ;J  and  a  third  class,  at  the  head  of  whom 
stands  Anaxagoras,  maintained  that  it  was  nothing  but  a  huge 

*  MSS.  Bibliot.  Roi.  Fr. 

f  Plutarch  de  placitis  Philosoph.  lib.  ii.  cap.  20. 
\  Achill.  Tat.  isag.  cap.  19.     Ap.  Petav.  t.  iii.  p.  81.     Stob.  Eclog. 
Thyg.  lib.  i.  p.  56.     Pint,  de  Plac.  Phi. 


38  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YOKK. 

ignited  mass  of  iron  or  stone — indeed,  he  declared  the  heavens 
to  be  merely  a  vault  of  stone  — and  that  the  stars  were  stones 
whirled  upward  from  the  earth,  and  set  on  fire  by  the  velocity 
of  its  revolutions.*  But  I  give  little  attention  to  the  doctrines 
of  this  philosopher,  the  people  of  Athens  having  fully  refuted 
them,  by  banishing  him  from  their  city  ;  a  concise  mode  of 
answering  unwelcome  doctrines,  much  resorted  to  in  former 
days.  Another  sect  of  philosophers  do  declare,  that  certain 
fiery  particles  exhale  constantly  from  the  earth,  which,  concen 
trating  in  a  single  point  of  the  firmament  by  day,  constitute  the 
sun,  but  being  scattered  and  rambling  about  in  the  dark  at 
night,  collect  in  various  points,  and  form  stars.  These  are 
regularly  burnt  out  and  extinguished,  not  unlike  to  the  lamps 
in  our  streets,  and  require  a  fresh  supply  'of  exhalations  for 
the  next  occasion. f 

It  is  even  recorded,  that  at  certain  remote  and  obscure 
periods,  in  consequence  of  a  great  scarcity  of  fuel,  the  sun  has 
been  completely  burnt  out,  and  sometimes  not  rekindled  for 
a  month  at  a  time.  A  most  melancholy  circumstance,  the 
very  idea  of  which  gave  vast  concern  to  Heraclitus,  that  worthy 
weeping  philosopher  of  antiquity.  In  addition  to  these  various 
speculations,  it  was  the  opinion  of  Herschel,  that  the  sun  is  a 
magnificent,  habitable  abode  ;  the  light  it  furnishes  arising  from 
certain  empyreal,  luminous  or  phosphoric  clouds,  swimming  in 
its  transparent  atmosphere. J 

*  Diogenes  Laertius  in  Anaxag.  1.  ii.  sec.  8.  Plat.  Apol.  t.  i.  p.  26. 
Plut.  de  Plac.  Philo.  Xenoph.  Mem.  1.  iv.  p.  815. 

f  Aristot.  Meteor.  1.  ii.  c.  2.  Idem.  Probl.  sec.  15,  Stob.  Eel.  Phys.  1.  i. 
p.  55.  Bruck.  Hist.  Phil.  t.  i.  p.  1154,  &c. 

\  Philos.  Trans.  1795,  p.  72.  Idem.  1801,  p.  265.  Kich.  Philos.  Journ. 
I.  p.  13. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  39 

But  we  will  not  enter  farther  at  present  into  the  nature 
of  the  sun,  that  being  an  inquiry  not  immediately  necessary 
to  the  development  of  this  history  ;  neither  will  we  embroil 
ourselves  in  any  more  of  the  endless  disputes  of  philosophers 
touching  the  form  of  this  globe,  but  content  ourselves  with  the 
theory  advanced  in  the  beginning  of  this  chapter,  and  will  pro 
ceed  to  illustrate,  by  experiment,  the  complexity  of  motion 
therein  ascribed  to  this  our  rotatory  planet. 

Professor  Von  Poddingcoft  (or  Puddinghead,  as  the  name 
may  be  rendered  into  English)  was  long  celebrated  in  the 
university  of  Leyden,  for  profound  gravity  of  deportment,  and 
a  talent  at  going  to  sleep  in  the  midst  of  examinations,  to  the 
infinite  relief  of  his  hopeful  students,  who  thereby  worked  their 
way  through  college  with  great  ease  and  little  study.  In  the 
course  of  one  of  his  lectures,  the  learned  professor,  seizing  a 
bucket  of  water,  swung  it  around  his  head  at  arm's  length. 
The  impulse  with  which  he  threw  the  vessel  from  him,  being 
a  centrifugal  force,  the  retention  of  his  arm  operating  as  a  cen 
tripetal  power,  and  the  bucket,  which  was  a  substitute  for  the 
earth,  describing  a  circular  orbit  round  about  the  globular 
head  and  ruby  visage  of  Professor  Von  Poddingcoft,  which 
formed  no  bad  representation  of  the  sun.  All  of  these  par 
ticulars  were  duly  explained  to  the  class  of  gaping  students 
around  him.  lie  apprised  them,  moreover,  that  the  same 
principle  of  gravitation,  which  retained  the  water  in  the  bucket, 
restrains  the  ocean  from  flying  from  the  earth  in  its  rapid 
revolutions ;  and  he  farther  informed  them  that  should  the 
motion  of  the  earth  be  suddenly  checked,  it  would  incontinently 
fall  into  the  sun,  through  the  centripetal  force  of  gravita 
tion,  a  most  ruinous  event  to  this  planet,  and  one  which  would 


40  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

also  obscure,  though  it  most  probably  would  not  extinguish, 
the  solar  luminary.  An  unlucky  stripling,  one  of  those 
vagrant  geniuses,  who  seem  sent  into  the  world  merely  to 
annoy  worthy  men  of  the  puddinghead  order,  desirous  of 
ascertaining  the  correctness  of  the  experiment,  suddenly 
arrested  the  arm  of  the  professor,  just  at  the  moment  that  the 
bucket  was  in  its  zenith,  which  immediately  descended  with 
astonishing  precision  upon  the  philosophic  head  of  the  instructor 
of  youth.  A  hollow  sound,  and  a  red-hot  hiss,  attended  the 
contact ;  but  the  theory  was  in  the  amplest  manner  illustrated, 
for  the  unfortunate  bucket  perished  in  the  conflict ;  but  the 
blazing  countenance  of  Professor  Von  Poddingcoft  emerged 
from  amidst  the  waters,  glowing  fiercer  than  ever  with  unut 
terable  indignation,  whereby  the  students  were  marvellously 
edified,  and  departed  considerably  wiser  than  before. 

It  is  a  mortifying  circumstance,  which  greatly  perplexes 
many  a  painstaking  philosopher,  that  nature  often  refuses  to 
second  his  most  profound  and  elaborate  efforts  ;  so  that  after 
having  invented  one  of  the  most  ingenious  and  natural  theories 
imaginable,  she  will  have  the  perverseness  to  act  directly  in 
the  teeth  of  his  system,  and  flatly  contradict  his  most  favorite 
positions.  This  is  a  manifest  and  unmerited  grievance,  since 
it  throws  the  censure  of  the  vulgar  and  unlearned  entirely 
upon  the  philosopher ;  whereas  the  fault  is  not  to  be  ascribed 
to  his  theory,  which  is  unquestionably  correct,  but  to  the 
waywardness  of  dame  nature,  who,  with  the  proverbial  fickle 
ness  of  her  sex,  is  continually  indulging  in  coquetries  and 
caprices,  and  seems  really  to  take  pleasure  in  violating  all 
philosophic  rules,  and  jilting  the  most  learned  and  indefatigable 
of  her  adorers.  Thus  it  happened  with  respect  to  the  fore- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  41 

going  satisfactory  explanation  of  the  motion  of  our  planet ;  it 
appears  that  the  centrifugal  force  has  long  since  ceased  to 
operate,  while  its  antagonist  remains  in  undiminished  potency  : 
the  world,  therefore,  according  to  the  theory  as  it  originally 
stood,  ought  in  strict  propriety  to  tumble  into  the  sun  ;  philos 
ophers  were  convinced  that  it  would  do  so,  and  awaited  in 
anxious  impatience  the  fulfilment  of  their  prognostics.  But 
the  untoward  planet  pertinaciously  continued  her  course,  not 
withstanding  that  she  had  reason,  philosophy,  and  a  whole 
university  of  learned  professors  opposed  to  her  conduct.  The 
philosophers  took  this  in  very  ill  part,  and  it  is  thought  they 
would  never  have  pardoned  the  slight  and  affront  which  they 
conceived  put  upon  them  by  the  world,  had  not  a  good-natured 
professor  kindly  officiated  as  a  mediator  between  the  parties, 
and  effected  a  reconciliation. 

Finding  the  world  would  not  accommodate  itself  to  the 
theory,  he  wisely  determined  to  accommodate  the  theory  to  the 
world  :  he  therefore  informed  his  brother  philosophers,  that 
the  circular  motion  of  the  earth  round  the  sun  was  no  sooner 
engendered  by  the  conflicting  impulses  above  described,  than 
it  became  a  regular  revolution,  independent  of  the  causes 
which  gave  it  origin.  His  learned  brethren  readily  joined  in 
the  opinion,  being  heartily  glad  of  any  explanation  that  would 
decently  extricate  them  from  their  embarrassment — and  ever 
since  that  memorable  era  the  world  has  been  left  to  take  her 
own  course,  and  to  revolve  around  the  sun  in  such  orbit  as  she 
thinks  proper. 


CHAPTEK  II. 

COSMOGONY,  OR  CREATION  OF  THE  WORLD  ;  WITH  A  MULTITUDE  OP  EX 
CELLENT  THEORIES,  BY  WHICH  THE  CREATION  OF  A  WORLD  IS  SHOWN 
TO  BE  NO  SUCH  DIFFICULT  MATTER  AS  COMMON  FOLK  WOULD  IMAGINE. 

TTAVING  thus  briefly  introduced  my  reader  to  the  world? 

L  and  given  him  some  idea  of  its  form  and  situation,  he  will 
naturally  be  curious  to  know  from  whence  it  came,  and  how  it 
was  created.  And,  indeed,  the  clearing  up  of  these  points  is 
absolutely  essential  to  my  history,  inasmuch  as  if  this  world 
had  not  been  formed,  it  is  more  than  probable  that  this 
renowned  island,  on  which  is  situated  the  city  of  New  York, 
\vould  never  have  had  an  existence.  The  regular  course  of  my 
history,  therefore,  requires  that  I  should  proceed  to  notice  the 
cosmogony  or  formation  of  this  our  globe. 

And  now  I  give  my  readers  fair  warning  that  I  am  about 
to  plunge,  for  a  chapter  or  two,  into  as  complete  a  labyrinth 
as  ever  historian  was  perplexed  withal :  therefore,  I  advise 
them  to  take  fast  hold  of  my  skirts,  and  keep  close  at  my 
heels,  venturing  neither  to  the  right  hand  nor  to  the  left,  lest 
they  get  bemired  in  a  slough  of  unintelligible  learning,  or  have 
their  brains  knocked  out  by  some  of  those  hard  Greek  names 
which  will  be  flying  about  in  all  directions.  But  should  any 


HI8TOBY    OF    NEW    YOBK.  4:3 

of  them  be  too  indolent  or  chicken-hearted  to  accompany  me 
in  this  perilous  undertaking,  they  had  better  take  a  short  cut 
round,  and  wait  for  me  at  the  beginning  of  some  smoother 
chapter. 

Of  the  creation  of  the  world,  we  have  a  thousand  contradic 
tory  accounts  ;  and  though  a  very  satisfactory  one  is  furnished 
us  by  divine  revelation,  yet  every  philosopher  feels  himself  in 
honor  bound  to  furnish  us  with  a  better.  As  an  impartial 
historian,  I  consider  it  my  duty  to  notice  their  several  theories, 
by  which  mankind  have  been  so  exceedingly  edified  and 
instructed. 

Thus  it  was  the  opinion  of  certain  ancient  sages,  that  the 
earth  and  the  whole  system  of  the  universe  was  the  Deity 
himself;  *  a  doctrine  most  strenuously  maintained  by  Zeno- 
phanes  and  the  whole  tribe  of  Eleatics,  as  also  by  Strabo  and 
the  sect  of  peripatetic  philosophers.  Pythagoras  likewise  in 
culcated  the  famous  numerical  system  of  the  monad,  dyad,  and 
triad,  and  by  means  of  his  sacred  quaternary  elucidated  the 
formation  of  the  world,  the  arcana  of  nature,  and  the  principles 
both  of  music  and  morals,  j-  Other  sages  adhered  to  the 
mathematical  system  of  squares  and  triangles ;  the  cube,  the 
pyramid,  and  the  sphere  ;  the  tetrahedron,  the  octahedron,  the 
icosahedron,  and  the  dodecahedron. J  While  others  advocated 
the  great  elementary  theory,  which  refers  the  construction 
of  our  globe  and  all  that  it  contains,  to  the  combinations 
of  four  material  elements,  air,  earth,  fire,  and  water ;  with 

*  Aristot.  ap.  Cic.  lib.  i.  cap.  3. 

f  Aristot.  Mctaph.  lib.  i.  c.  5.     Idem,  de  Coelo.  1.  iii.  c.  1.     Rousseau 
Mem.  sur  Musique  ancien.  p.  39.     Plutarch  de  Plac.  Philos.  lib.  i.  cap.  3. 
\  Tim.  Locr.  ap.  Plato,  t,  iii.  p.  90. 


44  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

the  assistance  of  a  fifth,  an  immaterial  and  vivifying  prin 
ciple. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  great  atomic  system 
taught  by  old  Moschus,  before  the  siege  of  Troy  ;  revived  by 
Democritus  of  laughing  memory  ;  improved  by  Epicurus,  that 
king  of  good  fellows,  and  modernized  by  the  fanciful  Descartes. 
But  I  decline  inquiring  whether  the  atoms,  of  which  the  earth 
is  said  to  be  composed,  are  eternal  or  recent ;  whether  they 
are  animate  or  inanimate  ;  whether,  agreeably  to  the  opinion 
of  the  atheists,  they  were  fortuitously  aggregated,  or,  as  the 
theists  maintain,  were  arranged  by  a  supreme  intelligence.* 
Whether,  in  fact,  the  earth  be  an  insensate  clod,  or  whether  it 
be  animated  by  a  soul  ;|  which  opinion  was  strenuously 
maintained  by  a  host  of  philosophers,  at  the  head  of  whom 
stands  the  great  Plato,  that  temperate  sage,  who  threw  the 
cold  water  of  philosophy  on  the  form  of  sexual  intercourse, 
and  inculcated  the  doctrine  of  Platonic  love — an  exquisitely 
refined  intercourse,  but  much  better  adapted  to  the  ideal 
inhabitants  of  his  imaginary  island  of  Atlantis  than  to  the 
sturdy  race,  composed  of  rebellious  flesh  and  blood,  which 
populates  the  little  matter  of  fact  island  we  inhabit. 

Beside  these  systems,  we  have,  moreover,  the  poetical  the- 
ogony  of  old  Ilesiod,  who  generated  the  whole  universe  in  the 
regular  mode  of  procreation,  and  the  plausible  opinion  of 
others,  that  the  earth  was  hatched  from  the  great  egg  of  night, 
which  floated  in  chaos,  and  was  cracked  by  the  horns  of  the 


*  Aristot.  Nat.  Auscult.  1.  ii.  cap.  6.  Aristoph.  Mctaph.  lib.  i.  cap.  3. 
Cic.  dc  Nat.  Deor.  lib.  i.  cap.  10.  Justin  Mart.  orat.  ad  gent.  p.  20. 

f  Mosheim  in  Cudw.  lib.  i.  cap.  4.  Tim.  dc  anim.  mund.  ap.  Plat.  lib. 
iii.  Mem.  de  1'Acad.  dcs  Bclles-Lettr.  t.  xxxii.  p.  19,  et  al. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW   YOKK.  45 

celestial  bull.  To  illustrate  this  last  doctrine,  Burnet  in  his 
theory  of  the  earth,*  has  favored  us  with  an  accurate  drawing 
and  description,  both  of  the  form  and  texture  of  this  mundane 
egg ;  which  is  found  to  bear  a  marvellous  resemblance  to  that 
of  a  goose.  Such  of  my  readers  as  take  a  proper  interest  in 
the  origin  of  this  our  planet,  will  be  pleased  to  learn  that  the 
most  profound  sages  of  antiquity  among  the  Egyptians, 
Chaldeans,  Persians,  Greeks,  and  Latins,  have  alternately  as 
sisted  at  the  hatching  of  this  strange  bird,  and  that  their  cack- 
lings  have  been  caught,  and  continued  in  different  tones  and 
inflections,  from  philosopher  to  philosopher,  unto  the  present 
day. 

But  while  briefly  noticing  long  celebrated  systems  of 
ancient  sages,  let  me  not  pass  over  with  neglect  those  of  other 
philosophers  ;  which,  though  less  universal  and  renowned,  have 
equal  claims  to  attention,  and  equal  chance  for  correctness. 
Thus  it  is  recorded  by  the  Brahmins,  in  the  pages  of  their 
inspired  Shastah,  that  the  angel  Bistnoo,  transforming  himself 
into  a  great  boar,  plunged  into  the  watery  abyss,  and  brought 
up  the  earth  on  his  tusks.  Then  issued  from  him  a  mighty 
tortoise,  and  a  mighty  snake ;  and  Bistnoo  placed  the  snake 
erect  upon  the  back  of  the  tortoise,  and  he  placed  the  earth 
upon  the  head  of  the  snake,  f 

The  negro  philosophers  of  Congo  affirm  that  the  world 
was  made  by  the  hands  of  angels,  excepting  their  own  country, 
which  the  Supreme  Being  constructed  himself,  that  it  might 
be  supremely  excellent.  And  he  took  great  pains  with  the 
inhabitants,  and  made  them  very  black,  and  beautiful ;  and 

*  Book  i.  ch.  5.  f  IIolwcll.  Gent.  Philosophy. 


4:6  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

when  he  had  finished  the  first  man,  he  was  well  pleased  with 
him,  and  smoothed  him  over  the  face,  and  hence  his  nose,  and 
the  nose  of  all  his  descendants,  became  flat. 

The  Mohawk  philosophers  tell  us  that  a  pregnant  woman 
fell  down  from  heaven,  and  that  a  tortoise  took  her  upon  its 
back,  because  every  place  was  covered  with  water ;  and  that 
the  woman,  sitting  upon  the  tortoise,  paddled  with  her  hands 
in  the  water,  and  raked  up  the  earth,  whence  it  finally  happened 
that  the  earth  became  higher  than  the  water.* 

But  I  forbear  to  quote  a  number  more  of  these  ancient  and 
outlandish  philosophers,  whose  deplorable  ignorance,  in  despite 
of  all  their  erudition,  compelled  them  to  write  in  languages 
which  but  few  of  my  readers  can  understand  ;  and  I  shall  pro 
ceed  briefly  to  notice  a  few  more  intelligible  and  fashionable 
theories  of  their  modern  successors. 

And,  first,  I  shall  mention  the  great  Buflbn,  who  conjec 
tures  that  this  globe  was  originally  a  globe  of  liquid  fire, 
scintillated  from  the  body  of  the  sun,  by  the  percussion  of  a 
comet,  as  a  spark  is  generated  by  the  collision  of  flint  and 
steel.  That  at  first  it  was  surrounded  by  gross  vapors,  which, 
cooling  and  condensing  in  process  of  time,  constituted,  accord 
ing  to  their  densities,  earth,  water,  and  air  ;  which  gradually 
arranged  themselves,  according  to  their  respective  gravi 
ties,  round  the  burning  or  vitrified  mass  that  formed  their 
centre. 

Ilutton,  on  the  contrary,  supposes  that  the  waters  at  first 
were  universally  paramount ;  and  he  terrifies  himself  with  the 
idea  that  the  earth  must  be  eventually  washed  away  by  the 

*  Johannes  Megapolensis,  Jun.  Account  of  Maquaas  or  Mohawk 
Indians. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  47 

force  of  rain,  rivers,  and  mountain  torrents,  until  it  is  con 
founded  with  the  ocean,  or,  in  other  words,  absolutely  dis 
solves  into  itself.  Sublime  idea !  far  surpassing  that  of  the 
tender-hearted  damsel  of  antiquity,  who  wept  herself  into  a 
fountain  ;  or  the  good  dame  of  Narbonne  in  France,  who,  for 
a  volubility  of  tongue  unusual  in  her  sex,  was  doomed  to  peel 
five  hundred  thousand  and  thirty-nine  ropes  of  onions,  and 
actually  run  out  at  her  eyes  before  half  the  hideous  task  was 
accomplished. 

Whiston,  the  same  ingenious  philosopher  who  rivalled 
Ditton  in  his  researches  after  the  longitude  (for  which  the 
mischief-loving  Swift  discharged  on  their  heads  a  most  savory 
stanza),  has  distinguished  himself  by  a  very  admirable  theory 
respecting  the  earth.  lie  conjectures  that  it  was  originally  a 
chaotic  comet,  which  being  selected  for  the  abode  of  man,  was 
removed  from  its  eccentric  orbit,  and  whirled  round  the  sun 
in  its  present  regular  motion  ;  by  which  change  of  direction, 
order  succeeded  to  confusion  in  the  arrangement  of  its  com 
ponent  parts.  The  philosopher  adds,  that  the  deluge  was 
produced  by  an  uncourteous  salute  from  the  watery  tail  of 
another  comet ;  doubtless  through  sheer  envy  of  its  improved 
condition  :  thus  furnishing  a  melancholy  proof  that  jealousy 
may  prevail,  even  among  the  heavenly  bodies,  and  discord  in 
terrupt  that  celestial  harmony  of  the  spheres,  so  melodiously 
sung  by  the  poets. 

But  I  pass  over  a  variety  of  excellent  theories,  among 
which  are  those  of  Burnet,  and  Woodward,  and  Whitehurst ; 
regretting  extremely  that  my  time  will  not  suffer  me  to  give 
them  the  notice  they  deserve — and  shall  conclude  with  that  of 
the  renowned  Dr.  Darwin.  This  learned  Theban,  who  is  as 


48  HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK. 

much  distinguished  for  rhyme  as  reason,  and  for  good-natured 
credulity  as  serious  research,  and  who  has  recommended  him 
self  wonderfully  to  the  good  graces  of  the  ladies,  "by  letting 
them  into  all  the  gallantries,  amours,  debaucheries,  and  other 
topics  of  scandal  of  the  court  of  Flora,  has  fallen  upon  a  theory 
worthy  of  his  combustible  imagination.  According  to  his 
opinion,  the  huge  mass  of  chaos  took  a  sudden  occasion  to  ex 
plode,  like  a  barrel  of  gunpowder,  and  in  that  act  exploded  the 
sun — which  in  its  flight,  by  a  similar  convulsion,  exploded  the 
earth,  which  in  like  guise  exploded  the  moon — and  thus  by  a 
concatenation  of  explosions,  the  whole  solar  system  wras  pro 
duced,  and  set  most  systematically  in  motion  !  * 

By  the  great  variety  of  theories  here  alluded  to,  every  one 
of  which,  if  thoroughly  examined,  will  be  found  surprisingly 
consistent  in  all  its  parts,  my  unlearned  readers  will  perhaps 
be  led  to  conclude,  that  the  creation  of  a  world  is  not  so  diffi 
cult  a  task  as  they  at  first  imagined.  I  have  shown  at  least  a 
score  of  ingenious  methods  in  which  a  Avorld  could  be  con 
structed  ;  and  I  have  no  doubt,  that  had  any  of  the  philosophers 
above  quoted  the  use  of  a  good  manageable  comet,  and  the 
philosophical  warehouse  chaos  at  his  command,  he  would 
engage  to  manufacture  a  planet  as  good,  or,  if  you  Avould  take 
his  word  for  it,  better  than  this  we  inhabit. 

And  here  I  cannot  help  noticing  the  kindness  of  Provi 
dence,  in  creating  comets  for  the  great  relief  of  bewildered 
philosophers.  By  their  assistance  more  sudden  evolutions 
and  transitions  are  effected  in  the  system  of  nature  than  are 
wrought  in  a  pantomimic  exhibition,  by  the  wonder-working 

*  Dam.  Bot.  Garden,  Part  I.  Cant.  i.  1.  105. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  49 

sword  of  Harlequin.  Should  one  of  our  modern  sages,  in  his 
theoretical  flights  among  the  stars,  ever  find  himself  lost  in 
the  clouds,  and  in  danger  of  tumbling  into  the  abyss  of  non 
sense  and  absurdity,  he  has  but  to  seize  a  comet  by  the  beard, 
mount  astride  of  his  tail,  and  away  he  gallops  in  triumph,  like 
an  enchanter  on  his  hyppogriff,  or  a  Connecticut  witch  on  her 
broomstick,  "  to  sweep  the  cobwebs  out  of  the  sky." 

It  is  an  old  and  vulgar  saying  about  a  "  beggar  on  horse 
back,"  which  I  would  not  for  the  world  have  applied  to  these 
reverend  philosophers  :  but  I  must  confess,  that  some  of  them, 
when  they  are  mounted  on  one  of  those  fiery  steeds,  are  as 
wild  in  their  curvetings  as  was  Phaeton  of  yore,  when  he 
aspired  to  manage  the  chariot  of  Phoebus.  One  drives  his 
comet  at  full  speed  against  the  sun,  and  knocks  the  world  out 
of  him  with  the  mighty  concussion  ;  another,  more  moderate, 
makes  his  comet  a  kind  of  beast  of  burden,  carrying  the  sun 
a  regular  supply  of  food  and  fagots — a  third,  of  more  combus 
tible  disposition,  threatens  to  throw  his  comet,  like  a  bomb 
shell,  into  the  world,  and  blow  it  up  like  a  powder  magazine ; 
while  a  fourth,  with  no  great  delicacy  to  this  planet  and  its 
inhabitants,  insinuates  that  some  day  or  other,  his  comet— my 
modest  pen  blushes  while  I  write  it — shall  absolutely  turn  tail 
upon  our  world,  and  deluge  it  with  water  ! — Surely,  as  I  have 
already  observed,  comets  were  bountifully  provided  by  Provi 
dence  for  the  benefit  of  philosophers,  to  assist  them  in  manu 
facturing  theories. 

And  now,  having  adduced  several  of  the  most  prominent 

theories  that  occur  to  my  recollection,  I  leave  my  judicious 

readers  at  full  liberty  to  choose  among  them.     They  are  all 

serious  speculations  of  learned  men — all  differ  essentially  from 

3 


50  HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

each  other — and  all  have  the  same  title  to  belief.  It  has  ever 
been  the  task  of  one  race  of  philosophers  to  demolish  the 
works  of  their  predecessors,  and  elevate  more  splendid  fan 
tasies  in  their  stead,  which  in  their  turn  are  demolished  and 
replaced  by  the  air  castles  of  a  succeeding  generation.  Thus 
it  would  seem  that  knowledge  and  genius,  of  which  we  make 
such  great  parade,  consist  but  in  detecting  the  errors  and  ab 
surdities  of  those  who  have  gone  before,  and  devising  now 
errors  and  absurdities,  to  be  detected  by  those  who  are  to 
come  after  us.  Theories  arc  the  inighty  soap-bubbles  with 
which  the  grown  up  children  of  science  amuse  themselves — 
while  the  honest  vulgar  stand  gazing  in  stupid  admiration,  and 
dignify  these  learned  vagaries  with  the  name  of  wisdom  ! — 
Surely  Socrates  was  right  in  his  opinion,  that  philosophers  arc 
but  a  soberer  sort  of  madmen,  busying  themselves  in  things 
totally  incomprehensible,  or  which,  if  they  could  be  comprc 
hended,  would  be  found  not  worthy  the  trouble  of  discovery. 

For  my  own  part,  until  the  learned  have  come  to  an  agree 
ment  among  themselves,  I  shall  content  myself  with  the 
account  handed  down  to  us  by  Moses ;  in  which  I  do  but  fol 
low  the  example  of  our  ingenious  neighbors  of  Connecticut ; 
who  at  their  first  settlement  proclaimed,  that  the  colony 
should  be  governed  by  the  laws  of  God — until  they  had  time 
to  make  better. 

One  thing,  however,  appears  certain — from  the  unanimous 
authority  of  the  before-quoted  philosophers,  supported  by  the 
evidence  of  our  own  senses,  (which,  though  very  apt  to  deceive 
us,  may  be  cautiously  admitted  as  additional  testimony,)  it 
appears,  I  say,  and  I  make  the  assertion  deliberately,  with 
out  fear  of  contradiction,  that  this  globe  really  wag 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YOKK.  51 

and  that  it  is  composed  of  land  and  water.  It  farther  appears 
that  it  is  curiously  divided  and  parcelled  out  into  continents 
and  islands,  among  which  I  boldly  declare  the  renowned 
ISLAND  OF  NEW  YORK  will  be  found  by  any  one  who  seeks  for 
it  in  its  proper  place. 


CIIAPTEE  III. 

HOW  THAT  FAMOUS  NAVIGATOR,  NOAH,  WAS  SHAMEFULLY  NICKNAMED; 
AND  HOW  HE  COMMITTED  AN  UNPARDONABLE  OVERSIGHT  IN  NOT  HAV 
ING  FOUR  SONS  ;  WITH  THE  GREAT  TROUBLE  OF  PHILOSOPHERS  CAUSED 
THEREBY,  AND  THE  DISCOVERY  OF  AMERICA. 

"VTOAII,  who  is  the  first  sea-faring  man  we  read  of,  begat 
•^  three  sons,  Shem,  Ham,  and  Japhet.  Authors,  it  is  true, 
are  not  wanting,  who  affirm  that  the  patriarch  had  a  number 
of  other  children.  Thus  Berosus  makes  him  father  of  the 
gigantic  Titans,  Methodius  gives  him  a  son  called  Jonithus,  or 
Jonicus,  and  others  have  mentioned  a  son,  named  Thuiscon,  from 
whom  descended  the  Teutons  or  Teutonic,  or  in  other  words, 
the  Dutch  nation. 

I  regret  exceedingly,  that  the  nature  of  my  plan  will  not 
permit  me  to  gratify  the  laudable  curiosity  of  my  readers,  by 
investigating  minutely  the  history  of  the  great  Noah.  Indeed, 
such  an  undertaking  would  be  attended  with  more  trouble 
than  many  people  would  imagine ;  for  the  good  old  patriarch 
seems  to  have  been  a  great  traveller  in  his  day,  and  to  have 
passed  under  a  different  name  in  every  country  that  he  visit 
ed.  The  Chaldeans,  for  instance,  give  us  his  story,  merely 
altering  his  name  into  Xisuthrus — a  trivial  alteration,  which, 
to  an  historian,  skilled  in  etymologies,  will  appear  wholly  un 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  53 

important.  It  appears,  likewise,  that  ho  had  exchanged  his  tar 
paulin  and  quadrant  among  the  Chaldeans,  for  the  gorgeous 
insignia  of  royalty,  and  appears  as  a  monarch  in  their  annals. 
The  Egyptians  celebrate  him  under  the  name  of  Osiris ;  the 
Indians  as  Menu  ;  the  Greek  and  Roman  writers  confound  him 
with  Ogyges,  and  the  Theban  with  Deucalion  and  Saturn. 
But  the  Chinese,  who  deservedly  rank  among  the  most  exten 
sive  and  authentic  historians,  inasmuch  as  they  have  known 
the  world  much  longer  than  any  one  else,  declare  that  Noah 
was  no  other  than  Fohi ;  and  what  gives  this  assertion  some  air 
of  credibility  is,  that  it  is  a  fact,  admitted  by  the  most  enlighten 
ed  literati,  that  Noah  travelled  into  China,  at  the  time  of  the 
building  of  the  tower  of  Babel  (probably  to  improve  himself  in 
the  study  of  languages),  and  the  learned  Dr.  Shackford  gives  us 
the  additional  information,  that  the  ark  rested  on  a  mountain 
on  the  frontiers  of  China. 

Fom  this  mass  of  rational  conjectures  and  sage  hypotheses, 
many  satisfactory  deductions  might  be  drawn  ;  but  I  shall  con 
tent  myself  with  the  simple  fact  stated  in  the  Bible,  viz. :  that 
Noah  begat  three  sons,  Shem,  Ham,  and  Japhct.  It  is  aston 
ishing  on  what  remote  and  obscure  contingencies  the  great  affairs 
of  this  world  depend,  and  how  events  the  most  distant,  and  to  the 
common  observer  unconnected,  are  inevitably  consequent  the 
one  to  the  other.  It  remains  to  the  philosopher  to  discover  these 
mysterious  affinities,  and  it  is  the  proudest  triumph  of  his  skill,  to 
detect  and  drag  forth  some  latent  chain  of  causation,  which  at 
first  sight  appears  a  paradox  to  the  inexperienced  observer. 
Thus  many  of  my  readers  will  doubtless  wonder  wrhat  connection 
the  family  of  Noah  can  possibly  have  with  this  history — and 
many  will  stare  when  informed,  that  the  whole  history  of  this 


5-A  IILSTOltY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

quarter  of  the  world  has  taken  its  character  and  course  from  the 
simple  circumstance  of  the  patriarch's  having  but  three  sons 
— but  to  explain  : 

Noah,  we  are  told  by  sundry  very  credible  historians,  be 
coming  sole  surviving  heir  and  proprietor  of  the  earth,  in  fee 
simple,  after  the  deluge,  like  a  good  father,  portioned  out  his 
estate  among  his  children.  To  Shem  he  gave  Asia ;  to  Ham, 
Africa  ;  and  to  Japhet,  Europe.  Now  it  is  a  thousand  times 
to  be  lamented  that  he  had  but  three  sons,  for  had  there  been 
a  fourth,  he  would  doubtless  have  inherited  America  ;  which, 
of  course,  would  have  been  dragged  forth  from  its  obscurity  on 
the  occasion ;  and  thus  many  a  hard-working  historian  and 
philosopher  would  have  been  spared  a  prodigious  mass  of 
weary  conjecture  respecting  the  first  discovery  and  population 
of  this  country.  Noah,  however,  having  provided  for  his 
three  sons,  looked  in  all  probability  upon  our  country  as  a 
mere  wild  unsettled  land,  and  said  nothing  about  it ;  and  to 
this  unpardonable  taciturnity  of  the  patriarch  may  we  ascribe 
the  misfortune,  that  America  did  not  come  into  the  world  as 
early  as  the  other  quarters  of  the  globe. 

It  is  true,  some  writers  have  vindicated  him  from  this  mis 
conduct  towards  posterity,  and  asserted  that  he  really  did 
discover  America.  Thus  it  was  the  opinion  of  Mark  Lescar- 
bot,  a  French  writer,  possessed  of  that  ponderosity  of  thought, 
and  profoundness  of  reflection,  so  peculiar  to  his  nation,  that  the 
immediate  descendants  of  Noah  peopled  this  quarter  of  the 
globe,  and  that  the  old  patriarch  himself  who  still  retained  a 
passion  for  the  sea-faring  life,  superintended  the  transmigra 
tion.  The  pious  and  enlightened  father,  Charlcvoix,  a  French 
Jesuit,  remarkable  for  his  aversion  to  the  marvellous,  com- 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOBK.  OD 

inon  to  all  great  travellers,  is  conclusively  of  the  same  opin 
ion  ;  nay,  he  goes  still  farther,  and  decides  upon  the  manner 
in  which  the  discovery  was  effected,  which  was  by  sea,  and 
under  the  immediate  direction  of  the  great  Noah.  "  I  have 
already  observed,"  exclaims  the  good  father,  in  a  tone  of  be 
coming  indignation,  "that  it  is  an  arbitrary  supposition  that 
the  grandchildren  of  Noah  were  not  able  to  penetrate  into  the 
new  world,  or  that  they  never  thought  of  it.  In  effect,  I  can 
see  no  reason  that  can  justify  such  a  notion.  Who  can  serious 
ly  believe,  that  Noah  and  his  immediate  descendants  knew 
less  than  we  do,  and  that  the  builder  and  pilot  of  the  greatest 
ship  that  ever  was,  a  ship  which  was  formed  to  traverse  an 
unbounded  ocean,  and  had  so  many  shoals  and  quicksands  to 
guard  against,  should  be  ignorant  of,  or  should  not  have  com 
municated  to  his  descendants  the  art  of  sailing  on  the  ocean  ?  " 
Therefore,  they  did  sail  on  the  ocean — therefore,  they  sailed 
to  America — therefore,  America  was  discovered  by  Noah  ! 

Now  all  this  exquisite  chain  of  reasoning,  which  is  so  strik 
ingly  characteristic  of  the  good  father,  being  addressed  to  the 
faith,  rather  than  the  understanding,  is  flatly  opposed  by  Hans 
de  Laet,  who  declares  it  a  real  and  most  ridiculous  paradox, 
to  suppose  that  Noah  ever  entertained  the  thought  of  discov 
ering  America ;  and  as  Hans  is  a  Dutch  writer,  I  am  inclined 
to  believe  he  must  have  been  much  better  acquainted  with 
the  worthy  crew  of  the  ark  than  his  competitors,  and  of  course 
possessed  of  more  accurate  sources  of  information.  It  is  aston 
ishing  how  intimate  historians  do  daily  become  with  the  patri 
archs  and  other  great  men  of  antiquity.  As  intimacy  improves 
with  time,  and  as  the  learned  are  particularly  inquisitive  and 
familiar  in  their  acquaintance  with  the  ancients,  I  should  not  be 


>  1 II  SI  UK  Y    OF    NEW    YORK. 

surprised  if  some  future  writers  should  gravely  give  us  a  pic 
ture  of  men  and  manners  as  they  existed  before  the  flood,  far 
more  copious  and  accurate  than  the  Bible ;  and  that,  in  the 
course  of  another  century,  the  log-book  of  the  good  Noah  should 
be  as  current  among  historians,  as  the  voyages  of  Captain  Cook, 
or  the  renowned  history  of  Robinson  Crusoe. 

I  shall  not  occupy  my  time  by  discussing  the  huge  mass  of 
additional  suppositions,  conjectures,  and  probabilities  respect 
ing  the  first  discovery  of  this  country,  with  which  unhappy  his 
torians  overload  themselves,  in  their  endeavors  to  satisfy  the 
doubts  of  an  incredulous  world.  It  is  painful  to  see  these  la 
borious  wights  panting,  and  toiling,  and  sweating,  under  an 
enormous  burden,  at  the  very  outset  of  their  works,  which,  on 
being  opened,  turns  out  to  be  nothing  but  a  mighty  bundle  of 
straw.  As,  however,  by  unwearied  assiduity,  they  seem  to 
have  established  the  fact,  to  the  satisfaction  of  all  the  world, 
that  this  country  has  been  discovered,  I  shall  avail  myself  of 
their  useful  labors  to  be  extremely  brief  upon  this  point. 

I  shall  not,  therefore,  stop  to  inquire,  whether  America 
was  first  discovered  by  a  wandering  vessel  of  that  celebrated 
Phoenician  fleet,  which,  according  to  Herodotus,  circumnavi 
gated  Africa  ;  or  by  that  Carthaginian  expedition,  which  Pliny, 
the  naturalist,  informs  us,  discovered  the  Canary  Islands  ;  or 
whether  it  was  settled  by  a  temporary  colony  from  Tyre,  as 
hinted  by  Aristotle  and  Seneca.  I  shall  neither  inquire 
whether  it  was  first  discovered  by  the  Chinese,  as  Vossius 
with  great  shrewdness  advances  ;  nor  by  the  Norwegians  in 
1002,  under  Biorn  ;  nor  by  Behem,  the  German  navigator,  as 
Mr.  Otto  has  endeavored  to  prove  to  the  savans  of  the  learn 
ed  city  of  Philadelphia. 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK.  57 

Nor  shall  I  investigate  the  more  modern  claims  of  the 
Welsh,  founded  on  the  voyage  of  Prince  Madoc  in  the  eleventh 
century,  who  having  never  returned,  it  has  since  been  wisely 
concluded  that  he  must  have  gone  to  America  and  that  for  a 
plain  reason — if  he  did  not  go  there,  where  else  could  he  have 
gOne  ? — a  question  which  most  socratically  shuts  out  all  far 
ther  dispute. 

Laying  aside,  therefore,  all  the  conjectures  above  mention 
ed,  with  a  multitude  of  others,  equally  satisfactory,  I  shall  take 
for  granted  the  vulgar  opinion,  that  America  was  discovered 
on  the  12th  of  October,  1492,  by  Christoval  Colon,  a  Genoese, 
who  has  been  clumsily  nicknamed  Columbus,  but  for  what 
reason  I  cannot  discern.  Of  the  voyages  and  adventures  of 
this  Colon,  I  shall  say  nothing,  seeing  that  they  are  already 
sufficiently  known.  Nor  shall  I  undertake  to  prove  that  this 
country  should  have  been  called  Colonia,  after  his  name,  that 
being  notoriously  self-evident. 

Having  thus  happily  got  my  readers  on  this  side  of  the 
Atlantic,  I  picture  them  to  myself  all  impatience  to  enter  upon 
the  enjoyment  of  the  land  of  promise,  and  in  full  expectation 
that  I  will  immediately  deliver  it  into  their  possession.  But 
if  I  do  may  I  ever  forfeit  the  reputation  of  a  regular  bivd 
historian  !  No — no — most  curious  and  thrice  learned  readers, 
(for  thrice  learned  ye  are  if  ye  have  read  all  that  has  gone 
before,  and  nine  times  learned  shall  ye  be  if  ye  read  that  which 
comes  after,)  we  have  yet  a  world  of  work  before  us.  Think 
you  the  first  discoverers  of  this  fair  quarter  of  the  globe  had 
nothing  to  do  but  go  on  shore  and  find  a  country  ready  laid  out 
and  cultivated  like  a  garden,  wherein  they  might  revel  at  their 
ease  ?  No  such  thing — they  had  forests  to  cut  down,  iiiide-r- 
3* 


58  HISTOKY    OF   NEW   YOKK. 

wood  to  grub  up,  marshes  to  drain,  and  savages  to  exter 
minate. 

In  like  manner,  I  have  sundry  doubts  to  clear  away,  ques 
tions  to  resolve,  and  paradoxes  to  explain,  before  I  permit 
you  to  range  at  random ;  but  these  difficulties  once  overcome, 
we  shall  be  enabled  to  jog  on  right  merrily  through  the  rest 
of  our  history.  Thus  my  work  shall,  in  a  manner,  echo  the 
nature  of  the  subject,  in  the  same  manner  as  the  sound  of 
poetry  has  been  found  by  certain  shrewd  critics  to  echo  the 
sense — this  being  an  improvement  in  history  which  I  claim 
the  merit  of  having  invented. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

SHOWING  THE  GREAT  DIFFICULTY  PHILOSOPHERS  HAVE  HAD  IN  PEOPLING 
AMERICA  ;  AND  HOTV  THE  ABORIGINES  CAME  TO  BE  BEGOTTEN  BY  AC 
CIDENT TO  THE  GREAT  RELIEF  AND  SATISFACTION  OF  THE  AUTHOR. 

THE  next  inquiry  at  which  we  arrive  in  the  regular  course  of 
our  history  is  to  ascertain,  if  possible,  how  this  country  was 
originally  peopled — a  point  fruitful  of  incredible  embarrass 
ments  ;  for  unless  we  prove  that  the  Aborigines  did  abso 
lutely  come  from  somewhere,  it  will  be  immediately  asserted, 
in  this  age  of  skepticism,  that  they  did  not  come  at  all ;  and 
if  they  did  not  come  at  all,  then  was  this  country  never  pop 
ulated — a  conclusion  perfectly  agreeable  to  the  rules  of  logic, 
but  wholly  irreconcilable  to  every  feeling  of  humanity,  inas 
much  as  it  must  syllogistically  prove  fatal  to  the  innumerable 
Aborigines  of  this  populous  region. 

To  avert  so  dire  a  sophism,  and  to  rescue  from  logical 
annihilation  so  many  millions  of  fellow-creatures,  how  many 
wings  of  geese  have' been  plundered  !  what  oceans  of  ink  have 
been  benevolently  drained  !  and  how  many  capacious  heads 
of  learned  historians  have  been  addled,  and  forever  confound 
ed  !  I  pause  with  reverential  awe,  when  I  contemplate  the 
ponderous  tomes,  in  different  languages,  with  which  they  have 
endeavored  to  solve  this  question,  so  important  to  the  happi- 


60  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

ness  of  society,  but  so  involved  in  clouds  of  impenetrable 
obscurity.  Historian  after  historian  has  engaged  in  the  end 
less  circle  of  hypothetical  argument,  and  after  leading  us  a 
weary  chase  through  octavos,  quartos,  and  folios,  has  let  us 
out  at  the  end  of  his  work  just  as  wise  as  we  were  at  the  be 
ginning.  It  was  doubtless  some  philosophical  wild-gcose 
chase  of  the  kind  that  made  the  old  poet  Macrobius  rail  in 
such  a  passion  at  curiosity,  which  he  anathematizes  most  heart 
ily,  as  "  an  irksome  agonizing  care,  a  superstitious  industry 
about  unprofitable  things,  an  itching  humor  to  see  what  is  not 
to  be  seen,  and  to  be  doing  what  signifies  nothing  when  it  is 
done."  But  to  proceed  : 

Of  the  claims  of  the  children  of  Noah  to  the  original  pop 
ulation  of  this  country  I  shall  say  nothing,  as  they  have  already 
been  touched  upon  in  my  last  chapter.  The  claimants  next 
in  celebrity,  are  the  descendants  of  Abraham.  Thus  Christo- 
val  Colon  (vulgarly  called  Columbus)  when  he  first  discov 
ered  the  gold  mines  of  Hispaniola,  immediately  concluded, 
with  a  shrewdness  that  would  have  done  honor  to  a  philoso 
pher,  that  he  had  found  the  ancient  Ophir,  from  whence  Sol 
omon  procured  the  gold  for  embellishing  the  temple  at  Jeru 
salem  ;  nay,  Colon  even  imagined  that  he  saw  the  remains  of 
furnaces  of  veritable  Hebraic  construction,  employed  in  refin 
ing  the  precious  ore. 

So  golden  a  conjecture,  tinctured  with  such  fascinating 
extravagance,  was  too  tempting  not  to  be  immediately  snap 
ped  at  by  the  gudgeons  of  learning ;  and  accordingly,  there 
were  divers  profound  writers,  ready  to  swear  to  its  correct 
ness,  and  to  bring  in  their  usual  load  of  authorities,  and  wise 
surmises,  wherewithal  to  prop  it  up.  Vetablus  and  Robertus 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  61 

Stephens  declared  nothing  could  be  more  clear — Arms  Mon- 
tanus,  without  the  least  hesitation,  asserts  that  Mexico  was  the 
true  Ophir,  and  the  Jews  the  early  settlers  of  the  country. 
While  Possevin,  Becan,  and  several  other  sagacious  writers, 
lug  in  a  supposed  prophecy  of  the  fourth  book  of  Esdras, 
which  being  inserted  in  the  mighty  hypothesis,  like  the  key 
stone  of  an  arch,  gives  it,  in  their  opinion,  perpetual  dura 
bility. 

Scarce,  however,  have  they  completed  their  goodly  super 
structure,  than  in  trudges  a  phalanx  of  opposite  authors,  with 
Hans  de  Laet,  the  great  Dutchman,  at  their  head,  and  at  one 
blow  tumbles  the  whole  fabric  about  their  cars.  Hans,  in 
fact,  contradicts  outright  all  the  Israelitish  claims  to  the  first 
settlement  of  this  country,  attributing  all  those  equivocal 
symptoms,  and  traces  of  Christianity  and  Judaism,  which 
have  been  said  to  be  found  in  divers  provinces  of  the  new 
world,  to  the  J)evil,  who  has  always  affected  to  counterfeit  the 
worship  of  the  true  Deity.  "  A  remark,"  says  the  knowing 
old  Padre  d'Acosta,  i:  made  by  all  good  authors  who  have 
spoken  of  the  religion  of  nations  newly  discovered,  and 
founded  besides  on  the  authority  of  the  father 8  of  the  church" 
Some  writers  again,  among  whom  it  is  with  much  regret  I  am 
compelled  to  motion  Lopez  de  Gomara,  and  Juan  de  Leri, 
insinuate  that  the  Canaanites,  being  driven  from  the  land  of 
promise  by  the  Jews,  were  seized  with  such  a  panic  that  they 
fled  without  looking  behind  them,  until  stopping  to  take 
breath,  they  found  themselves  safe  in  America.  As  they 
brought  neither  their  national  language,  manners,  nor  features 
with  them,  it  is  supposed  they  left  them  behind  in  the  hurry 
of  their  flight — I  cannot  give  my  faith  to  this  opinion. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 


I  pass  over  the  supposition  of  the  learned  Grotius,  who 
being  both  an  ambassador  and  a  Dutchman  to  boot,  is  enti 
tled  to  great  respect ;  that  North  America  was  peopled  by  a 
strolling  company  of  Norwegians,  and  that  Peru  was  founded 
by  a  colony  from  China — Manco  or  Mango  Capac,  the  first 
Incas,  being  himself  a  Chinese.  Nor  shall  I  more  than  barely 
mention,  that  father  lurcher  ascribes  the  settlement  of  Amer 
ica  to  the  Egyptians,  Rudbeck  to  the  Scandinavians,  Charron 
to  the  Gauls,  Juffrcdus  Petri  to  a  skating  party  from  Fries- 
land,  Milius  to  the  Celtce,  Marinocus  the  Sicilian  to  the 
Romans,  Le  Compte  to  the  Phoenicians,  Postel  to  the  Moors, 
Martyn  d'Angleria  to  the  Abyssinians,  together  with  the  sage 
surmise  of  De  Laet,  that  England,  Ireland,  and  the  Orcades 
may  contend  for  that  honor. 

Nor  will  I  bestow  any  more  attention  or  credit  to  the  idea 
that  America  is  the  fairy  region  of  Zipangri,  described  by  that 
dreaming  traveller,  Marco  Polo,  the  Venetian  ;  or  that  it  com 
prises  the  visionary  island  of  Atlantis,  described  by  Plato. 
Neither  will  I  stop  to  investigate  the  heathenish  assertion  of 
Paracelsus,  that  each  hemisphere  of  the  globe  was  originally 
furnished  with  an  Adam  and  Eve.  Or  the  more  nattering 
opinion  of  Dr.  Romayne,  supported  by  many  nameless  au 
thorities,  that  Adam  was  of  the  Indian  race— or  the  startling 
conjecture  of  Buffon,  Helvctius,  and  Darwin,  so  highly  hon 
orable  to  mankind,  that  the  whole  human  species  is  accidentally 
descended  from  a  remarkable  family  of  monkeys ! 

This  last  conjecture,  I  must  own,  came  upon  me  very  sud 
denly  and  very  ungraciously.  I  have  often  beheld  the  clown 
in  a  pantomime,  while  gazing  in  stupid  wonder  at  the  extrav 
agant  gambols  of  a  harlequin,  all  at  once  electrified  by  a  si  id- 


HISTOltY    OF    JS'KW    YO11K. 

den  stroke  of  the  wooden  sword  across  his  shoulders.  Little 
did  I  think  at  such  times,  that  it  would  ever  fall  to  my  lot  to 
be  treated  with  equal  discourtesy,  and  that  while  I  was  quietly 
beholding  these  grave  philosophers,  emulating  the  eccentric 
transformations  of  the  hero  of  pantomime,  they  would  on  a 
sudden  turn  upon  me  and  my  readers,  and  with  one  hypothet 
ical  flourish  metamorphose  us  into  beasts  !  I  determined 
from  that  moment  not  to  burn  my  fingers  with  any  more  of 
their  theories,  but  content  myself  with  detailing  the  different 
methods  by  which  they  transported  the  descendants  of  these 
ancient  and  respectable  monkeys  to  this  great  field  of  theo 
retical  warfare. 

This  was  done  either  by  migrations  by  land  or  transmigra 
tions  by  water.  Thus  Padre  Joseph  d'Acosta  enumerates 
three  passages  by  land — first  by  the  north  of  Europe,  secondly 
by  the  north  of  Asia,  and  thirdly  by  regions  southward  of  the 
Straits  of  Magellan.  The  learned  Grotius  marches  his  Nor 
wegians  by  a  pleasant  route  across  frozen  rivers  and  arms  of 
the  sea,  through  Iceland,  Greenland,  Estotiland  and  Narem- 
berga  :  and  various  writers,  among  whom  are  Anglcria,  De 
Tlornn,  and  Buffbn,  anxious  for  the  accommodation  of  these 
travellers,  have  fastened  the  two  continents  together  by  a 
strong  chain  of  deductions — by  which  means  they  could  pass 
over  dry-shod.  But  should  even  this  fail,  Pinkerton,  that  in 
dustrious  old  gentleman,  who  compiles  books,  and  manufac 
tures  Geographies,  lias  constructed  a  natural  bridge  of  ice, 
from  continent  to  continent,  at  the  distance  of  four  or  five 
miles  from  Behring's  Straits — for  which  he  is  entitled  to  the 
.grateful  thanks  of  all  the  wandering  aborigines  who  ever  did 
•.n*  ever  will  pass  over  it. 


64  HISTOKY   OF   NEW   YORK. 

It  is  an  evil  much  to  be  lamented,  that  none  of  the  worthy 
writers  above  quoted  could  ever  commence  his  work,  without 
immediately  declaring  hostilities  against  every  writer  who 
had  treated  of  the  same  subject.  In  this  particular,  authors 
may  be  compared  to  a  certain  sagacious  bird,  which  in  build 
ing  its  nest,  is  sure  to  pull  to  pieces  the  nests  of  all  the  birds 
in  its  neighborhood.  This  unhappy  propensity  tends  griev 
ously  to  impede  the  progress  of  sound  knowledge.  Theories 
are  at  best  but  brittle  productions,  and  when  once  committed 
to  the  stream,  they  should  take  care  that  like  the  notable  pots 
which  wTere  fellow-voyagers,  they  do  not  crack  each  other. 

My  chief  surprise  is,  that  among  the  many  writers  I  have 
noticed,  no  one  has  attempted  to  prove  that  this  country  was 
peopled  from  the  moon — or  that  the  first  inhabitants  floated 
hither  on  islands  of  ice,  as  white  bears  cruise  about  the  north 
ern  oceans — or  that  they  were  conveyed  hither  by  balloons, 
as  modern  aeronauts  pass  from  Dover  to  Calais — or  by  witch 
craft,  as  Simon  Magus  posted  among  the  stars — or  after  the 
manner  of  the  renowned  Scythian  Abaris,  who,  like  the  New 
England  witches  on  full-blooded  broomsticks,  made  most 
unheard-of  journeys  on  the  back  of  a  golden  arrow,  given  him 
by  the  Hyperborean  Apollo. 

But  there  is  still  one  mode  left  by  which  this  country 
could  have  been  peopled,  which  I  have  reserved  for  the  last, 
because  I  consider  it  worth  all  the  rest :  it  is — by  accident ! 
Speaking  of  the  islands  of  Solomon,  New  Guinea,  and  New 
Holland,  the  profound  father  Charlcvoix  observes,  ':  in  fine, 
all  these  countries  are  peopled,  and  it  is  possible  some  have 
been  so  by  accident.  Now  if  it  could  have  happened  in  that 
manner,  why  might  it  not  have  been  at  the  same  time,  and  by 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  (!."> 

the  same  means,  with  /7*e  other  parts  of  the  globe?"  This 
ingenious  mode  of  deducing  certain  conclusions  from  possible 
premises,  is  an  improvement  in  syllogistic  skill,  and  proves 
the  good  father  superior  even  to  Archimedes,  for  he  can  turn 
the  world  without  any  thing  to  rest  his  lever  upon.  It  is  only 
surpassed  by  the  dexterity  with  which  the  sturdy  old  Jesuit, 
in  another  place,  cuts  the  gordian  knot — "  Nothing,"  says  he, 
"  is  more  easy.  The  inhabitants  of  both  hemispheres  are  cer 
tainly  the  descendants  of  the  same  father.  The  common  father 
of  mankind  received  an  express  order  from  Heaven  to  people 
the  world,  and  accordingly  it  has  been  peopled.  To  bring  this 
about,  it  was  necessary  to  overcome  all  difficulties  in  the  way, 
and  they  have  also  been  overcome!"  Pious  logician!  How 
does  he  put  all  the  herd  of  laborious  theorists  to  the  blush, 
by  explaining,  in  five  words,  what  it  has  cost  them  volumes 
to  prove  they  knew  nothing  about ! 

From  all  the  authorities  here  quoted,  and  a  variety  of 
others  which  I  have  consulted,  but  which  are  omitted  through 
fear  of  fatiguing  the  unlearned  reader,  I  can  only  draw  the  fol 
lowing  conclusions,  which  luckily,  however,  are  sufficient  for 
my  purpose.  First  that  this  part  of  the  world  has  actually 
been  peopled,  (Q.  E.  D.)  to  support  which  we  have  living 
proofs  in  the  numerous  tribes  of  Indians  that  inhabit  it.  Sec 
ondly,  that  it  has  been  peopled  in  five  hundred  different  ways, 
as  proved  by  a  cloud  of  authors  who,  from  the  positivencss  of 
their  assertions,  seem  to  have  been  eye-witnesses  to  the  fact. 
Thirdly,  that  the  people  of  this  country  had  a  variety  of  fa 
thers,  which,  as  it  may  not  be  thought  much  to  their  credit  by 
the  common  run  of  readers,  the  less  we  say  on  the  subject  the 
better.  The  question,  therefore,  I  trust,  is  forever  at  rest. 


CHAPTER  V. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  PUTS  A  MIGHTY  QUESTION  TO  THE  ROUT,  BY  THE 
ASSISTANCE  OF  THE  MAN  IN  THE  MOON  — WHICH  NOT  ONLY  DELIVERS 
THOUSANDS  OF  PEOPLE  FROM  GREAT  EMBARRASSMENT,  BUT  LIKEWISE 
CONCLUDES  THIS  INTRODUCTORY  BOOK. 

THE  writer  of  a  history  may,  in  some  respects,  be  likened 
unto  an  adventurous  knight,  who  having  undertaken  a  per 
ilous  enterprise,  by  way  of  establishing  his  fame,  feels  bound, 
in  honor  and  chivalry,  to  turn  back  for  no  difficulty  nor  hard 
ship,  and  never  to  shrink  or  quail,  whatever  enemy  he  may 
encounter.  Under  this  impression,  I  resolutely  draw  my  pen, 
and  fall  to,  with  might  and  main,  at  those  doughty  questions 
and  subtle  paradoxes,  which,  like  fiery  dragons  and  bloody 
giants,  beset  the  entrance  to  my  history,  and  would  fain  re 
pulse  me  from  the  very  threshold.  And  at  this  moment  a 
gigantic  question  has  started  up,  which  I  must  needs  take  by 
thc  beard  and  utterly  subdue,  before  I  can  advance  another 
step  in  my  historic  undertaking  ;  but  I  trust  this  will  bo  the 
last  adversary  I  shall  have  to  contend  with,  and  that  in  the 
next  book  I  shall  be  enabled  to  conduct  my  readers  in 
triumph  into  the  body  of  my  work. 

The  question  which   has  thus  suddenly  arisen,  is,  What 
right  had  the  first  discoverers  of  America  to  land  and  take 


HISTOltY    OF    NEW    YORK.  <»7 

0 

possession  of  a  country,  without  first  gaining  the  consent  of 
its  inhabitants,  or  yielding  them  an  adequate  compensation 
for  their  territory  ? — a  question  which  has  withstood  many 
fierce  assaults,  and  has  given  much  distress  of  mind  to  multi. 
tudes  of  kind-hearted  folk.  And  indeed,  until  it  "be  totally 
vanquished,  and  put  to  rest,  the  worthy  people  of  America 
can  by  no  means  enjoy  the  soil  they  inhabit,  with  clear  right 
and  title,  and  quiet,  unsullied  consciences. 

The  first  source  of  right,  by  which  property  is  acquired  in 
a  country,  is  DISCOVERY.  For  as  all  mankind  have  an  equal 
right  to  any  thing,  which  has  never  before  been  appropriated, 
so  any  nation,  that  discovers  an  uninhabited  country,  and 
takes  possession  thereof,  is  considered  as  enjoying  full  prop 
erty,  and  absolute,  unquestionable  empire  therein.* 

This  proposition  being  admitted,  it  follows  clearly,  that  the 
Europeans  who  first  visited  America,  were  the  real  discover 
ers  of  the  same  ;  nothing  being  necessary  to  the  establish 
ment  of  this  fact,  but  simply  to  prove  that  it  was  totally  un 
inhabited  by  man.  This  would  at  first  appear  to  be  a  point 
of  some  difficulty,  for  it  is  well  known,  that  this  quarter  of 
the  world  abounded  with  certain  animals,  that  walked  erect  on 
two  feet,  had  something  of  the  human  countenance,  uttered 
certain  unintelligible  sounds,  very  much  like  language,  in  short, 
had  a  marvellous  resemblance  to  human  beings.  But  the 
zealous  and  enlightened  fathers,  who  accompanied  the  discov 
erers,  for  the  purpose  of  promoting  the  kingdom  of  heaven, 
by  establishing  fat  monasteries  and  bishoprics  on  earth,  soon 
cleared  up  this  point,  greatly  to  the  satisfaction  of  his  holi 
ness  the  pope,  and  of  all  Christian  voyagers  and  discoverers. 

*  Grotius.     Tuffcndorf,  b.  v.  c.  4.     Vattel,  b.  i.  c.  18,  &c. 


68  IIISTOKV    <)K    IS'KW     YORK. 

They  plainly  proved,  and  as  there  were  no  Indian  -writers 
arose  on  the  other  side,  the  fact  was  considered  as  fully  ad 
mitted  and  established,  that  the  two-legged  race  of  animals 
before  mentioned  were  mere  cannibals,  detestable  monsters, 
and  many  of  then*  giants — which  last  description  of  vagrants 
have,  since  the  times  of  Gog,  Magog,  and  Goliath,  been  con 
sidered  as  outlaws,  and  have  received  no  quarter  in  cither  his 
tory,  chivalry,  or  song.  Indeed,  even  the  philosophic  Bacon 
declared  the  Americans  to  be  people  proscribed  by  the  laws 
of  nature,  inasmuch  as  they  had  a  barbarous  custom  of  sacri 
ficing  men,  and  feeding  upon  man's  flesh. 

Nor  arc  these  all  the  proofs  of  their  utter  barbarism  : 
among  many  other  writers  of  discernment,  Ulloa  tells  us 
"  their  imbecility  is  so  visible,  that  one  can  hardly  form  an 
idea  of  them  different  from  what  one  has  of  the  brutes. 
Nothing  disturbs  the  tranquillity  of  their  souls,  equally  insen 
sible  to  disasters  and  to  prosperity.  Though  half  naked,  they 
are  as  contented  as  a  monarch  in  his  most  splendid  array. 
Fear  makes  no  impression  on  them,  and  respect  as  little."  All 
this  is  furthermore  supported  by  the  authority  of  M.  Bouguer. 
"It  is  not  easy,"  says  he,  "  to  describe  the  degree  of  their 
indifference  for  wealth  and  all  its  advantages.  One  does  not 
well  know  what  motives  to  propose  to  them  when  one  would 
persuade  them  to  any  service.  It  is  vain  to  offer  them  money  ; 
they  answer  they  are  not  hungry."  And  Yanegas  confirms 
the  whole,  assuring  us  that  "  ambition  they  have  none,  and 
are  more  desirous  of  being  thought  strong  than  valiant.  The 
objects  of  ambition  with  us — honor,  fame,  reputation,  riches, 
posts,  and  distinctions,  arc  unknown  among  them.  So  that 
this  powerful  spring  of  action,  the  cause  of  so  much  seeming 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  69 

good  and  real  evil  in  the  world,  has  no  power  over  them.  In 
a  word,  these  unhappy  mortals  may  be  compared  to  children, 
in  whom  the  development  of  reason  is  not  completed." 

Now  all  these  peculiarities,  although  in  the  unenlightened 
states  of  Greece  they  would  have  entitled  their  possessors  to 
immortal  honor,  as  having  reduced  to  practice  those  rigid  and 
abstemious  maxims,  the  mere  talking  about  which  acquired 
certain  old  Greeks  the  reputation  of  sages  and  philosophers  ; 
— yet,  were  they  clearly  proved  in  the  present  instance  to  be 
token  a  most  abject  and  brutified  nature,  totally  beneath  the 
human  character.  But  the  benevolent  fathers,  who  had  un 
dertaken  to  turn  these  unhappy  savages  into  dumb  beasts,  by 
dint  of  argument,  advanced  still  stronger  proofs  ;  for  as  cer 
tain  divines  of  the  sixteenth  century,  and  among  the  rest  Lul- 
lus,  affirm — the  Americans  go  naked,  and  have  no  beards  ! — 
"  They  have  nothing,"  says  Lullus,  "  of  the  reasonable  animal, 
except  the  mask." — And  even  that  mask  was  allowed  to  avail 
them  but  little,  for  it  was  soon  found  that  they  were  of  a 
hideous  copper  complexion — and  being  of  a  copper  complex 
ion,  it  was  all  the  same  as  if  they  were  negroes — and  negroes 
are  black,  "  and  black,"  said  the  pious  fathers,  devoutly  cross 
ing  themselves,  "  is  the  color  of  the  Devil !  "  Therefore,  so 
far  from  being  able  to  own  property,  they  had  no  right  even 
to  personal  freedom — for  liberty  is  too  radiant  a  deity  to  in 
habit  such  gloomy  temples.  All  which  circumstances  plainly 
convinced  the  righteous  followers  of  Cortes  and  Pizarro,  that 
these  miscreants  had  no  title  to  the  soil  that  they  infested — 
that  they  were  a  perverse,  illiterate,  dumb,  beardless,  black- 
seed — mere  wild  beasts  of  the  forests,  and  like  them  should 
either  be  subdued  or  exterminated. 


TO  HISTORY    OF    iN'EW    YOliK. 

From  the  foregoing  arguments,  therefore,  and  a  variety  of 
others  equally  conclusive,  which  I  forbear  to  enumerate,  it  is 
clearly  evident  that  this  fair  quarter  of  the  globe  when  first 
visited  by  Europeans,  was  a  howling  wilderness,  inhabited  by 
nothing  but  wild  beasts  :  and  that  the  transatlantic  visitors 
acquired  an  incontrovertible  property  therein,  by  the  right  of 
discovery. 

This  right  being  fully  established,  we  now  come  to  the 
next,  which  is  the  right  acquired  by  cultivation.  "  The  culti 
vation  of  the  soil,"  we  arc  told,  "  is  an  obligation  imposed  by 
nature  on  mankind.  The  whole  world  is  appointed  for  the 
nourishment  of  its  inhabitants  :  but  it  would  be  incapable  of 
doing  it,  was  it  uncultivated.  Every  nation  is  then  obliged 
by  the  law  of  nature  to  cultivate  the  ground  that  has  fallen  to 
its  share.  Those  people,  like  the  ancient  Germans  and  mod 
ern  Tartars,  who,  having  fertile  countries,  disdain  to  cultivate 
the  earth,  and  choose  to  live  by  rapine,  are  wanting  to  them 
selves,  and  deserve  to  be  exterminated  as  savage  and  pernicious 
beasts.'"* 

Now  it  is  notorious,  that  the  savages  knew  nothing  of 
agriculture,  when  first  discovered  by  the  Europeans,  but  lived 
a  most  vagabond,  disorderly,  unrighteous  life, — rambling  from 
place  to  place,  and  prodigally  rioting  upon  the  spontaneous 
luxuries  of  nature,  without  tasking  her  generosity  to  yield 
them  any  thing  more  ;  whereas  it  has  been  most  unquestion 
ably  shown,  that  Heaven  intended  the  earth  should  be  ploughed 
and  sown,  and  manured,  and  laid  out  into  cities,  and  towns, 
and  farms,  and  country  seats,  and  pleasure  grounds,  and  pub 
lic  gardens,  all  which  the  Indians  knew  nothing  about — therc- 

*  Vattcl,  b.  i.  ch.  17. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  71 

fore,  they  did  not  improve  the  talents  Providence  had  be 
stowed  on  them — therefore,  they  were  careless  stewards — 
therefore,  they  had  no  right  to  the  soil — therefore,  they  de 
served  to  be  exterminated. 

It  is  true,  the  savages  might  plead  that  they  drew  all  the 
benefits  from  the  land  which  their  simple  wants  required — 
they  found  plenty  of  game  to  hunt,  which,  together  with  the 
roots  and  uncultivated  fruits  of  the  earth,  furnished  a  suffi 
cient  variety  for  their  frugal  repasts  ; — and  that  as  Heaven 
merely  designed  the  earth  to  form  the  abode,  and  satisfy  the 
wants  of  man  ;  so  long  as  those  purposes  were  answered,  the 
will  of  Heaven  was  accomplished. — But  this  only  proves  how 
undeserving  they  were  of  the  blessings  around  them — they 
were  so  much  the  more  savages,  for  not  having  more  wants ; 
for  knowledge  is  in  some  degree  an  increase  of  desires,  and  it  is 
this  superiority  both  in  the  number  and  magnitude  of  his  desires, 
that  distinguishes  the  man  from  the  bea'st.  Therefore  the  In 
dians,  in  not  having  more  wants,  were  very  unreasonable  ani 
mals  ;  and  it  was  but  just  that  they  should  make  way  for  the 
Europeans,  who  had  a  thousand  wants  to  their  one,  and,  there 
fore,  would  turn  the  earth  to  more  account,  and  by  cultivating 
it,  more  truly  fulfil  the  will  of  Heaven.  Besides — Grotius  and 
Lauterbach,  and  Puflendorff,  and  Titius,  and  many  wise  men 
beside,  who  have  considered  the  matter  properly,  have  deter 
mined,  that  the  property  of  a  country  cannot  be  acquired  by 
hunting,  cutting  wood,  or  drawing  water  in  it — nothing  but 
precise  demarcation  of  limits,  and  the  intention  of  cultivation, 
can  establish  the  possession.  Now  as  the  savages  (probably 
from  never  having  read  the  authors  above  quoted)  had  never 
complied  with  any  of  these  necessary  forms,  it  plainly  follows 


72  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

that  they  had  no  right  to  the  soil,  but  that  it  was  completely 
at  the  disposal  of  the  first  comers,  who  had  more  knowledge, 
more  wants,  and  more  elegant,  that  is  to  say,  artificial  desires 
than  themselves. 

In  entering  upon  a  newly  discovered,  uncultivated  country, 
therefore,  the  new  comers  were  but  taking  possession  of  what, 
according  to  the  aforesaid  doctrine,  was  their  own  property — 
therefore,  in  opposing  them,  the  savages  were  invading  their 
just  rights,  infringing  the  immutable  laws  of  nature,  and  coun 
teracting  the  will  of  Heaven — therefore,  they  were  guilty  of 
impiety,  burglary,  and  trespass  on  the  case, — therefore,  they 
were  hardened  offenders  against  God  and  man — therefore,  they 
ought  to  be  exterminated. 

But  a  more  irresistible  right  than  either  that  I  have  men 
tioned,  and  one  which  will  be  the  most  readily  admitted  by 
my  reader,  provided  he  be  blessed  with  bowels  of  charity  and 
philanthropy,  is  the  right  acquired  by  civilization.  All  the 
world  knows  the  lamentable  state  in  which  these  poor  savages 
w^re  found.  Not  only  deficient  in  the  comforts  of  life,  but 
what  is  still  worse,  most  piteously  and  unfortunately  blind  to 
the  miseries  of  their  situation.  But  no  sooner  did  the  benevo 
lent  inhabitants  of  Europe  behold  their  sad  condition  than 
they  immediately  went  to  work  to  ameliorate  and  improve  it. 
They  introduced  among  them  rum,  gin,  brandy,  and  the  other 
comforts  of  life — and  it  is  astonishing  to  read  how  soon  the 
poor  savages  learned  to  estimate  those  blessings  ;  they  like 
wise  made  known  to  them  a  thousand  remedies,  by  which  the 
most  inveterate  diseases  arc  alleviated  and  healed ;  and  that 
they  might  comprehend  the  benefits  and  enjoy  tho  comforts 
of  these  medicines,  they  previously  introduced  among  them 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  73 

the  diseases  which  they  were  calculated  to  cure.  By  these 
and  a  variety  of  other  methods  was  the  condition  of  these 
poor  savages  wonderfully  improved  ;  they  acquired  a  thou 
sand  wants,  of  which  they  had  before  been  ignorant ;  and  as 
he  has  most  sources  of  happiness  who  has  most  wants  to 
be  gratified,  they  were  doubtlessly  rendered  a  much  happier 
race  of  beings. 

But  the  most  important  branch  of  civilization,  and  which 
has  most  strenuously  been  extolled  by  the  zealous  and  pious 
fathers  of  the  Romish  Church,  is  the  introduction  of  the 
Christian  faith.  It  was  truly  a  sight  that  might  well  inspire 
horror,  to  behold  these  savages  tumbling  among  the  dark 
mountains  of  paganism,  and  guilty  of  the  most  horrible  igno 
rance  of  religion.  It  is  true,  they  neither  stole  nor  defrauded  ; 
they  were  sober,  frugal,  continent,  and  faithful  to  their  word  ; 
but  though  they  acted  right  habitually,  it  was  all  in  vain,  unless 
they  acted  so  from  precept.  The  new  comers,  therefore,  used 
every  method  to  induce  them  to  embrace  and  practise  the 
true  religion — except  indeed  that  of  setting  them  the  example. 

But  notwithstanding  all  these  complicated  labors  for  their 
good,  such  was  the  unparalleled  obstinacy  of  these  stubborn 
wretches,  that  they  ungratefully  refused  to  acknowledge  the 
strangers  as  their  benefactors,  and  persisted  in  disbelieving 
the  doctrines  they  endeavored  to  inculcate ;  most  insolently 
alleging,  that  from  their  conduct,  the  advocates  of  Christianity 
did  not  seem  to  believe  in  it  themselves.  Was  not  this  too 
much  for  human  patience? — would  not  one  suppose  that  the 
benign  visitants  from  Europe,  provoked  at  their  incredulity, 
and  discouraged  by  their  stiff-necked  obstinacy,  wrould  forever 
have  abandoned  their  shores,  and  consigned  them  to  their 
4 


74  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

original  ignorance  and  misery? — But  no — so  zealous  were 
they  to  effect  the  temporal  comfort  and  eternal  salvation  of 
these  pagan  infidels,  that  they  even  proceeded  from  the  milder 
means  of  persuasion,  to  the  more  painful  and  troublesome  one 
of  persecution — let  loose  among  them  whole  troops  of  fiery 
monks  and  furious  bloodhounds  —  purified  them  by  fire 
and  sword,  by  stake  and  fagot ;  in  consequence  of  which  in 
defatigable  measures  the  cause  of  Christian  love  and  charity 
was  so  rapidly  advanced,  that  in  a  few  years  not  one-fifth  of 
the  number  of  unbelievers  existed  in  South  America  that  were 
found  there  at  the  time  of  its  discovery. 

What  stronger  right  need  the  European  settlers  advance 
to  the  country  than  this  1  Have  not  whole  nations  of  un 
informed  savages  been  made  acquainted  with  a  thousand  im 
perious  wants  and  indispensable  comforts,  of  which  they  were 
before  wholly  ignorant  ?  Have  they  not  been  literally  hunted 
and  smoked  out  of  the  dens  and  lurking  places  of  ignorance 
and  infidelity,  and  absolutely  scourged  into  the  right  path? 
Have  not  the  temporal  things,  the  vain  baubles  and  filthy 
lucre  of  this  world,  which  were  too  apt  to  engage  their  world 
ly  and  selfish  thoughts,  been  benevolently  taken  from  them  ; 
and  have  they  not,  instead  thereof,  been  taught  to  set  their 
affections  on  things  above  ? — And  finally,  to  use  the  words  of 
a  reverend  Spanish  father,  in  a  letter  to  his  superior  in  Spain 
— "  Can  any  one  have  the  presumption  to  say  that  these  sav 
age  Pagans  have  yielded  any  thing  more  than  an  inconsidera 
ble  recompense  to  their  benefactors  ;  in  surrendering  to  them 
a  little  pitiful  tract  of  this  dirty  sublunary  planet  in  exchange 
for  a  glorious  inheritance  in  the  kingdom  of  heaven  ?  " 

Here  then  are  three  complete  and  undeniable  sources  of 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  75 

right  established,  any  one  of  which  was  more  than  ample  to 
establish  a  property  in  the  newly-discovered  regions  of 
America.  Now,  so  it  has  happened  in  certain  parts  of  this 
delightful  quarter  of  the  globe,  that  the  right  of  discovery  has 
been  so  strenuously  asserted — the  influence  of  cultivation  so 
industriously  extended,  and  the  progress  of  salvation  and  civ 
ilization  so  zealously  prosecuted,  that,  what  with  their  attend 
ant  wars,  persecutions,  oppressions,  diseases  and  other  partial 
evils  that  often  hang  on  the  skirts  of  great  benefits — the  sav 
age  aborigines  have,  somehow  or  another,  been  utterly  annihi 
lated — and  this  all  at  once  brings  me  to  a  fourth  right,  which 
is  worth  all  the  others  put  together. — For  the  original  claim 
ants  to  the  soil  being  all  dead  and  buried,  and  no  one  remain 
ing  to  inherit  or  dispute  the  soil,  the  Spaniards,  as  the  next 
immediate  occupants,  entered  upon  the  possession  as  clearly 
as  the  hangman  succeeds  to  the  clothes  of  the  malefactor — 
and  as  they  have  Blackstone,*  and  all  the  learned  expounders 
of  the  law  on  their  side,  they  may  set  all  actions  of  eject 
ment  at  defiance — and  this  last  right  may  be  entitled  the  RIGHT 
BY  EXTERMINATION,  or  in  other  words,  the  RIGHT  BY  GUNPOWDER. 
But  lest  any  scruples  of  conscience  should  remain  on  this 
head,  and  to  settle  the  question  of  right  forever,  his  holiness 
Pope  Alexander  VI.  issued  a  bull,  by  which  he  generously 
granted  the  newly-discovered  quarter  of  the  globe  to  the 
Spaniards  and  Portuguese  ;  who,  thus  having  law  and  gospel 
on  their  side,  and  being  inflamed  with  great  spiritual  zeal, 
showed  the  Pagan  savages  neither  favor  nor  affection,  but 
prosecuted  the  work  of  discovery,  colonization,  civilization, 
and  extermination,  with  ten  times  more  fury  than  ever. 

*  Bl.  Com.  b.  ii.  c.  1. 


76  HISTORY    OF    AE\V    YORK.  " 

Thus  were  the  European  worthies  who  first  discovered 
America  clearly  entitled  to  the  soil ;  and  not  only  entitled  to 
the  soil,  but  likewise  to  the  eternal  thanks  of  these  infidel, 
savages,  for  having  come  so  far,  endured  so  many  perils  by 
sea  and  land,  and  taken  such  unwearied  pains,  for  no  other 
purpose  but  to  improve  their  forlorn,  uncivilized,  and  heathen 
ish  condition — for  having  made  them  acquainted  with  the  com 
forts  of  life  ;  for  having  introduced  among  them  the  light  of 
religion,  and  finally — for  having  hurried  them  out  of  the 
world,  to  enjoy  its  reward  ! 

But  as  argument  is  never  so  well  understood  by  us  selfish 
mortals  as  when  it  comes  home  to  ourselves,  and  as  I  am  par 
ticularly  anxious  that  this  question  should  be  put  to  rest  for 
ever,  I  will  suppose  a  parallel  case,  by  way  of  arousing  the 
candid  attention  of  my  readers. 

Let  us  suppose,  then,  that  the  inhabitants  of  the  moon, 
by  astonishing  advancement  in  science,  and  by  profound  in 
sight  into  that  lunar  philosophy,  the  mere  flickerings  of  which 
have  of  late  years  dazzled  the  feeble  optics,  and  addled  the 
shallow  brains  of  the  good  people  of  our  globe — let  us  sup 
pose,  I  say,  that  the  inhabitants  of  the  moon,  by  these  means, 
had  arrived  at  such  a  command  of  their  energies,  such  an  en 
viable  state  of  perfectibility,  as  to  control  the  elements,  and 
navigate  the  boundless  regions  of  space.  Let  us  suppose  a 
roving  crew  of  these  soaring  philosophers,  in  the  course  of  an 
aerial  voyage  of  discovery  among  the  stars,  should  chance  to 
alight  upon  this  outlandish  planet. 

And  here  I  beg  my  readers  will  not  have  the  uncharitable- 
ness  to  smile,  as  is  too  frequently  the  fault  of  volatile  readers, 
when  perusing  the  grave  speculations  of  philosophers.  I  am 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  77 

far  from  indulging  in  any  sportive  vein  at  present ;  nor  is  the 
supposition  I  have  been  making  so  wild  as  many  may  deem 
it.  It  has  long  been  a  very  serious  and  anxious  question  with 
me,  and  many  a  time  and  oft,  in  the  course  of  my  overwhelm 
ing  cares  and  contrivances  for  the  welfare  and  protection  of 
this  my  native  planet,  have  I  lain  awake  whole  nights  debating 
in  my  mind,  whether  it  were  most  probable  we  should  first  dis 
cover  and  civilize  the  moon,  or  the  moon  discover  and  civilize 
our  globe.  Neither  would  the  prodigy  of  sailing  in  the  air 
and  cruising  among  the  stars  be  a  whit  more  astonishing  and 
incomprehensible  to  us,  than  was  the  European  mystery  of 
navigating  floating  castles,  through  the  world  of  waters,  to 
the  simple  natives.  We  have  already  discovered  the  art  of 
coasting  along  the  aerial  shores  of  our  planet,  by  means  of 
balloons,  as  the  savages  had  of  venturing  along  their  sea- 
coasts  in  canoes  ;  and  the  disparity  between  the  former,  and 
the  aerial  vehicles  of  the  philosophers  from  the  moon,  might 
not  be  greater  than  that  betwreen  the  bark  canoes  of  the  sav 
ages,  and  the  mighty  ships  of  their  discoverers.  I  might  here 
pursue  an  endless  chain  of  similar  speculations ;  but  as  they 
would  be  unimportant  to  my  subject,  I  abandon  them  to  my 
reader,  particularly  if  he  be  a  philosopher,  as  matters  well 
worthy  of  his  attentive  consideration. 

To  return  then  to  my  supposition — let  us  suppose  that  the 
aerial  visitants  I  have  mentioned,  possessed  of  vastly  superior 
knowledge  to  ourselves ;  that  is  to  say,  possessed  of  superior 
knowledge  in  the  art  of  extermination — riding  on  hyppogrifFs 
—defended  with  impenetrable  armor — armed  with  concentrat 
ed  sunbeams,  and  provided  with  vast  engines,  to  hurl  enor 
mous  moon-stones :  in  short,  let  us  suppose  them,  if  our  vanity 


78  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOliK. 

will  permit  the  supposition,  as  superior  to  us  in  knowledge, 
and  consequently  in  power,  as  the  Europeans  were  to  the  In 
dians,  when  they  first  discovered  them.  All  this  is  very  pos 
sible  ;  it  is  only  our  self-sufficiency  that  makes  us  think  other 
wise  ;  and  I  warrant  the  poor  savages,  before  they  had  any 
knowledge  of  the  white  men,  armed  in  all  the  terrors  of  glit 
tering  steel  and  tremendous  gunpowder,  were  as  perfectly  con 
vinced  that  they  themselves  were  the  wisest,  the  most  virtu 
ous,  powerful,  and  perfect  of  created  beings,  as  are,  at  this 
present  moment,  the  lordly  inhabitants  of  old  England,  the 
volatile  populace  of  France,  or  even  the  self-satisfied  citizens 
of  this  most  enlightened  republic. 

Let  us  suppose,  moreover,  that  the  aerial  voyagers,  find 
ing  this  planet  to  be  nothing  but  a  howling  wilderness,  inhab 
ited  by  us,  poor  savages  and  wrild  beasts,  shall  take  formal 
possession  of  it,  in  the  name  of  his  most  gracious  and  philo 
sophic  excellency,  the  man  in  the  moon.  Finding,  however, 
that  their  numbers  are  incompetent  to  hold  it  in  complete 
subjection,  on  account  of  the  ferocious  barbarity  of  its  inhab 
itants,  they  shall  take  our  worthy  President,  the  King  of 
England,  the  Emperor  of  Hayti,  the  mighty  Bonaparte,  and 
the  great  King  of  Bantam,  and  returning  to  their  native 
planet,  shall  carry  them  to  court,  as  were  the  Indian  chiefs  led 
about  as  spectacles  in  the  courts  of  Europe. 

Then  making  such  obeisance  as  the  etiquette  of  the  court 
requires,  they  shall  address  the  puissant  man  in  the  moon,  in, 
as  near  as  I  can  conjecture,  the  following  terms : 

"  Most  serene  and  mighty  Potentate,  whose  dominions 
extend  as  far  as  eye  can  reach,  who  rideth  on  the  Great  Bear, 
u.seth  the  sun  as  a  looking-glass,  and  maintaineth  unrivalled 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  TO 

control  over  tides,  madmen,  and  sea-crabs.  We  thy  liege 
subjects  have  just  returned  from  a  voyage  of  discovery,  in  the 
course  of  which  we  have  landed  and  taken  possession  of  that 
obscure  little  dirty  planet,  which  thou  bcholdest  rolling  at  a 
distance.  The  five  uncouth  monsters,  which  \ve  have  brought 
into  this  august  presence,  were  once  very  important  chiefs 
among  their  fellow  savages,  who  are  a  race  of  beings  totally  des 
titute  of  the  common  attributes  of  humanity  ;  and  differing  in 
every  thing  from  the  inhabitants  of  the  moon,  inasmuch  as 
they  carry  their  heads  upon  their  shoulders,  instead  of  under 
their  arms — have  two  eyes  instead  of  one — are  utterly  desti 
tute  of  tails,  and  of  a  variety  of  unseemly  complexions,  par 
ticularly  of  horrible  whiteness — instead  of  pea-green. 

"  We  have  moreover  found  these  miserable  savages  sunk 
into  a  state  of  the  utmost  ignorance  and  depravity,  every  man 
shamelessly  living  with  his  own  wife,  and  rearing  his  own 
children,  instead  of  indulging  in  that  community  of  wives  en 
joined  by  the  law  of  nature,  as  expounded  by  the  philosophers 
of  the  moon.  In  a  word,  they  have  scarcely  a  gleam  of  true 
philosophy  among  them,  but  are,  in  fact,  utter  heretics,  igno 
ramuses,  and  barbarians.  Taking  compassion,  therefore,  on 
the  sad  condition  of  these  sublunary  wretches,  we  have  en 
deavored,  wrhile  we  remained  on  their  planet,  to  introduce 
among  them  the  light  of  reason — and  the  comforts  of  the 
moon.  We  have  treated  them  to  mouthfuls  of  moonshine, 
and  draughts  of  nitrous  oxide,  which  they  swallowed  with  in 
credible  voracity,  particularly  the  females  ;  and  we  have  like 
wise  endeavored  to  instil  into  them  the  precepts  of  lunar 
philosophy.  We  have  insisted  upon  their  renouncing  the 
contemptible  shackles  of  religion  and  common  sense,  and 


80  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

adoring  the  profound,  omnipotent,  and  all  perfect  energy,  and 
the  ecstatic,  immutable,  immovable  perfection.  But  such  was 
the  unparalleled  obstinacy  of  these  wretched  savages,  that 
they  persisted  in  cleaving  to  their  wives,  and  adhering  to  their 
religion,  and  absolutely  set  at  naught  the  sublime  doctrines 
of  the  moon, — nay,  among  other  abominable  heresies,  they 
even  went  so  far*as  blasphemously  to  declare,  that  this  in 
effable  planet  was  made  of  nothing  more  nor  less  than  green 
cheese !  " 

At  these  words,  the  great  man  in  the  moon  (being  a  very 
profound  philosopher)  shall  fall  into  a  terrible  passion,  and 
possessing  equal  authority  over  things  that  do  not  belong  to 
him,  as  did  whilom  his  holiness  the  Pope,  shall  forthwith  issue 
a  formidable  bull,  specifying,  "  That,  whereas  a  certain  crew  of 
Lunatics  have  lately  discovered,  and  taken  possession  of  a 
newly-discovered  planet  called  the  earth — and  that  whereas  it 
is  inhabited  by  none  but  a  race  of  two-legged  animals  that 
carry  their  heads  on  their  shoulders  instead  of  under  their 
arms  ;  cannot  talk  the  lunatic  language  ;  have  two  eyes  instead 
of  one ;  are  destitute  of  tails,  and  of  a  horrible  whiteness,  in 
stead  of  pea-green — therefor,  and  for  a  variety  of  other  excel 
lent  reasons,  they  are  considered  incapable  of  possessing  any 
property  in  the  planet  they  infest,  and  the  right  and  title  to 
it  are  confirmed  to  its  original  discoverers. — And  further 
more,  the  colonists  who  are  now  about  to  depart  to  the  afore 
said  planet  are  authorized  and  commanded  to  use  every  means 
to  convert  these  infidel  savages  from  the  darkness  of  Chris 
tianity,  and  make  them  thorough  and  absolute  lunatics." 

In  consequence  of  this  benevolent  bull,  our  philosophic 
benefactors  go  to  work  with  hearty  zeal.  They  seize  upon 


IIISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  81 

our  fertile  territories,  scourge  us  from  our  rightful  possessions, 
relieve  us  from  our  wives,  and  when  we  are  unreasonable 
enough  to  complain,  they  will  turn  upon  us  and  say,  Misera 
ble  barbarians  !  ungrateful  wretches !  have  we  not  come  thou 
sands  of  miles  to  improve  your  worthless  planet ;  have  we 
not  fed  you  with  moonshine ;  have  we  not  intoxicated  you 
with  nitrous  oxide  ;  does  not  our  moon  give  you  light  every 
night,  and  have  you  the  baseness  to  murmur,  when  we  claim 
a  pitiful  return  for  all  these  benefits  ?  But  finding  that  we 
not  only  persist  in  absolute  contempt  of  their  reasoning  and 
disbelief  in  their  philosophy,  but  even  go  so  for  as  daringly  to 
defend  our  property,  their  patience  shall  be  exhausted,  and 
they  shall  resort  to  their  superior  powers  of  argument ;  hunt 
us  with  hyppogriffs,  transfix  us  with  concentrated  sunbeams, 
demolish  our  cities  with  moon-stones  ;  until  having,  by  main 
force,  converted  us  to  the  true  faith,  they  shall  graciously  permit 
us  to  exist  in  the  torrid  deserts  of  Arabia,  or  the  frozen  re 
gions  of  Lapland,  there  to  enjoy  the  blessings  of  civilization 
and  the  charms  of  lunar  philosophy,  in  much  the  same  man 
ner  as  the  reformed  and  enlightened  savages  of  this  country 
are  kindly  suffered  to  inhabit  the  inhospitable  forests  of  the 
north,  or  the  impenetrable  wildernesses  of  South  America. 

Thus,  I  hope,  I  have  clearly  proved,  and  strikingly  illus 
trated,  the  right  of  the  early  colonists  to  the  possession  <>t' 
this  country  ;  and  thus  is  this  gigantic  question  completely 
vanquished :  so  having  manfully  surmounted  all  obstacles, 
and  subdued  all  opposition,  what  remains  but  that  I  should 
forthwith  conduct  my  readers  into  the  city  which  we  have 
been  so  long  in  a  manner  besieging  ?  But  hold  ;  before  I 
proceed  another  step,  I  must  pause  to  take  breath,  and  recover 
4* 


82  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

from  the  excessive  fatigue  I  have  undergone,  in  preparing  to 
begin  this  most  accurate  of  histories.  And  in  this  I  do  but 
imitate  the  example  of  a  renowned  Dutch  tumbler  of  anti 
quity,  who  took  a  start  of  three  miles  for  the  purpose  of 
jumping  over  a  hill,  but  having  run  himself  out  of  breath  by 
the  time  he  reached  the  foot,  sat  himself  quietly  down  for  a 
few  moments  to  blow,  and  then  walked  over  it  at  his  leisure. 


BOOK  II. 


TREATING  OF  THE  FIRST  SETTLEMENT  OF  THE  PROVINCE  OF 
NIEUW-NEDERLANDTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

IN  WHICH  ARE  CONTAINED  DIVERS  REASONS  WHY  A  MAN  SHOULD  NOT 
WRITE  IN  A  HURRY;  ALSO,  OP  MASTER  HENDRICK  HUDSON,  HIS  DIS 
COVERY  OF  A  STRANGE  COUNTRY AND  HOW  HE  WAS  MAGNIFICENTLY 

REWARDED    BY    THE    MUNIFICENCE    OF    THEIR   HIGH    MIGHTINESSES. 

MY  great-grandfather,  by  the  mother's  side,  Hermanus  Van 
Clattercop,  when  employed  to  build  the  large  stone 
church  at  Rotterdam,  which  stands  about  three  hundred  yards 
to  your  left  after  you  turn  off  from  the  Boomkeys,  and  which 
is  so  conveniently  constructed,  that  all  the  zealous  Christians 
of  Rotterdam  prefer  sleeping  through  a  sermon  there  to  any 
other  church  in  the  city — my  great-grandfather,  I  say,  when 
employed  to  build  that  famous  church,  did  in  the  first  place 
send  to  Delft  for  a  box  of  long  pipes  ;  then  having  purchased 
a  new  spitting-box  and  a  hundred  weight  of  the  best  Virginia, 
he  sat  himself  down,  and  did  nothing  for  the  space  of  three 
months  but  smoke  most  laboriously.  Then  did  he  spend  full 
three  months  more  in  trudging  on  foot,  and  voyaging  in  trek- 


84:  IIISTO11Y    OF    NEW    YORK. 

schuit,  from  Rotterdam  to  Amsterdam — to  Delft — to  Ilaerlem 
— to  Leyden — to  the  Hague,  knocking  his  head  and  breaking 
his  pipe  against  every  church  in  his  road.  Then  did  he  ad-' 
vance  gradually  nearer  and  nearer  to  Rotterdam,  until  he 
came  in  full  sight  of  the  identical  spot  whereon  the  church 
was  to  be  built.  Then  did  he  spend  three  months  longer  in 
walking  round  it  and  round  it,  contemplating  it,  first  from  one 
point  of  view,  and  then  from  another — now  would  he  be 
paddled  by  it  on  the  canal — now  would  he  peep  at  it  through 
a  telescope  from  the  other  side  of  the  Mouse,  and  now  would 
he  take  a  bird's-eye  glance  at  it,  from  the  top  of  one  of  those 
gigantic  windmills  which  protect  the  gates  of  the  city.  The 
good  folks  of  the  place  were  on  the  tiptoe  of  expectation  and 
impatience — notwithstanding  all  the  turmoil  of  my  great 
grandfather,  not  a  symptom  of  the  church  was  yet  to  be  seen  ; 
they  even  began  to  fear  it  would  never  be  brought  into  the 
world,  but  that  its  great  projector  would  lie  down  and  die  in 
labor  of  the  mighty  plan  he  had  conceived.  At  length,  having 
occupied  twelve  good  months  in .  puffing  and  paddling,  and 
talking  and  walking — having  travelled  over  all  Holland,  and 
even  taken  a  peep  into  France  and  Germany — having  smoked 
five  hundred  and  ninety-nine  pipes,  and  three  hundred  weight 
of  the  best  Virginia  tobacco — my  great-grandfather  gathered 
together  all  that  knowing  and  industrious  class  of  citizens  who 
prefer  attending  to  anybody's  business  sooner  than  their  own, 
and  having  pulled  off  his  coat  and  five  pair  of  breeches,  he 
advanced  sturdily  up,  and  laid  the  corner-stone  of  the  church, 
in  presence  of  the  whole  multitude — just  at  the  commence 
ment  of  the  thirteenth  month. 

In  a  similar  manner,  and  with  the  example  of  my  worthy 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  85 

ancestor  full  before  my  eyes,  have  I  proceeded  in  writing  this 
most  authentic  history.  The  honest  Rotterdamcrs  no  doubt 
thought  my  great-grandfather  was  doing  nothing  at  all  to  the 
purpose,  while  he  was  making  such  a  world  of  prefatory 
bustle,  about  the  building  of  his  church— and  many  of  the 
ingenious  inhabitants  of  this  fair  city  will  unquestionably  sup 
pose  that  all  the  preliminary  chapters,  with  the  discovery, 
population,  and  final  settlement  of  America,  were  totally  irre 
levant  and  superfluous — and  that  the  main  business,  the  his 
tory  of  New  York,  is  not  a  jot  more  advanced,  than  if  I  had 
never  taken  up  my  pen.  Never  were  wise  people  more  mis 
taken  in  their  conjectures ;  in  consequence  of  going  to  work 
slowly  and  deliberately,  the  church  came  out  of  my  grand 
father's  hands  one  of  the  most  sumptuous,  goodly,  and 
glorious  edifices  in  the  known  world — excepting  that,  like  our 
magnificent  capitol,  at  Washington,  it  was  begun  on  so  grand 
a  scale  that  the  good  folks  could  not  afford  to  finish  more  than 
the  wing  of  it.  So,  likewise,  I  trust,  if  ever  I  am  able  to 
finish  this  work  on  the  plan  I  have  commenced,  (of  which,  in 
simple  truth,  I  sometimes  have  my  doubts,)  it  will  be  found 
that  I  have  pursued  the  latest  rules  of  my  art,  as  exemplified 
in  the  writings  of  all  the  great  American  historians,  and 
wrought  a  very  large  history  out  of  a  small  subject — which, 
now-a-days,  is  considered  one  of  the  great  trumphs  of  his 
toric  skill.  To  proceed,  then,  with  the  thread  of  my  story. 

In  the  ever  memorable  year  of  our  Lord,  1609,  on  a  Sat 
urday  morning,  the  five-and-twentieth  day  of  March,  old  style, 
did  that  "  worthy  and  irrecoverable  discoverer,  (as  he  has  just 
ly  been  called,)  Master  Henry  Hudson,"  set  sail  from  Holland 
in  a  stout  vessel  called  the  Half  Moon,  being  employed  by 


86  HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

the  Dutch  East  India  Company,  to  seek  a  northwest  passage 
to  China. 

Henry  (or,  as  the  Dutch  historians  call  him,  Hendrick) 
Hudson,  Avas  a  sea-faring  man  of  renown,  who  had  learned  to 
smoke  tobacco  under  Sir  Walter  Raleigh,  and  is  said  to  have 
been  the  first  to  introduce  it  into  Holland,  which  gained  him 
much  popularity  in  that  country,  and  caused  him  to  find  great 
favor  in  the  eyes  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  the  lords  states 
general,  and  also  of  the  honorable  West  India  Company. 
.X'He  was  a  short,  square,  brawny  old  gentleman,  with  a  double 
chin,  a  mastiff  mouth,  and  a  broad  copper  nose,  which  was 
supposed  in  those  days  to  have  acquired  its  fiery  hue  from  the 
constant  neighborhood  of  his  tobacco  pipe. 

He  wore  a  true  Andrea  Eerrara,  tucked  in  a  leathern  belt, 
and  a  commodore's  cocked  hat  on  one  side  of  his  head.  He 
was  remarkable  for  always  jerking  up  his  breeches  when  he 
gave  out  his  orders,  and  his  voice  sounded  not  unlike  the  brat 
tling  of  a  tin  trumpet — owing  to  the  number  of  hard  north 
westers  which  he  had  swallowed  in  the  course  of  his  sea-faring. 

Such  was  Hendrick  Hudson,  of  whom  we  have  heard  so 
much,  and  know  so  little  :  and  I  have  been  thus  particular  in 
his  description  for  the  benefit  of  modern  painters  and  statua 
ries,  that  they  may  represent  him  as  he  was  ;  and  not,  accord 
ing  to  their  common  custom  with  modern  heroes,  make  him 
look  like  Cscsar,  or  Marcus  Aurelius,  or  the  Apollo  of  Belvi-^/ 
dere. 

As  chief  mate  and  favorite  companion,  the  commodore 
chose  master  Robert  Juet,  of  Lirnehouse,  in  England.  By 
some  his  name  has  been  spelled  Chewit,  and  ascribed  to  the 
circumstances  of  his  having  been  the  first  man  that  ever 


HISTOJJY    OF    NEW    YOIiK.  87 

chewed  tobacco ;  but  this  I  believe  to  be  a  mere  flippancy ; 
more  especially  as  certain  of  his  progeny  are  living  at  this 
clay,  who  write  their  names  Juet.  He  was  an  old  comrade 
and  early  schoolmate  of  the  great  Hudson,  with  whom  he  had 
often  played  truant  and  sailed  chip  boats  in  a  neighboring 
pond,  when  they  were  little  boys — from  whence  it  is  said  that 
the  commodore  first  derived  his  bias  towards  a  sea-faring  life. 
Certain  it  is,  that  the  old  people  about  Limehouse  declared 
Robert  Juet  to  be  an  unlucky  urchin,  prone  to  mischief,  that 
would  one  day  or  other  come  to  the  gallows. 

He  grew  up  as  boys  of  that  kind  often  grow  up,  a  ram 
bling,  heedless  varlet,  tossed  about  in  all  quarters  of  the  world 
— meeting  with  more  perils  and  wonders  than  did  Sinbad  the 
Sailor,  without  growing  a  whit  more  wise,  prudent,  or  ill- 
natured.  Under  every  misfortune,  he  comforted  himself 
with  a  quid  of  tobacco,  and  the  truly  philosophic  maxim,  that 
"  it  will  be  all  the  same  thing  a  hundred  years  hence."  He 
was  skilled  in  the  art  of  carving  anchors  and  true  lover's 
knots  on  the  bulk-heads  and  quarter-railings,  and  was  con 
sidered  a  great  wit  on  board  ship,  in  consequence  of  his  play 
ing  pranks  on  everybody  around,  and  now  and  then  even 
making  a  wry  face  at  old  Hendrick,  when  his  back  was  turned. 

To  this  universal  genius  are  we  indebted  for  many  par 
ticulars  concerning  this  voyage  ;  of  which  he  wrote  a  history, 
at  the  request  of  the  commodore,  who  had  an  unconquerable 
aversion  to  writing  himself,  from  having  received  so  many 
floggings  about  it  when  at  school.  To  supply  the  deficiencies 
of  master  Juet's  journal,  which  is  written  with  true  log-book 
brevity,  I  have  availed  myself  of  divers  family  traditions, 


88  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 

handed  clown  from  my  great-great-grandfather,  who  accom 
panied  the  expedition  in  the  capacity  of  cabin-boy. 

From  all  that  I  can  learn,  few  incidents  worthy  of  remark 
happened  in  the  voyage  ;  and  it  mortifies  me  exceedingly  that 
I  have  to  admit  so  noted  an  expedition  into  my  work,  without 
making  any  more  of  it. 

Suffice  it  to  say,  the  voyage  was  prosperous  and  tranquil 
— the  crew,  being  a  patient  people,  much  given  to  slumber 
and  vacuity,  and  but  little  troubled  with  the  disease  of  think 
ing — a  malady  of  the  mind,  which  is  the  sure  breeder  of  dis 
content.  Hudson  had  laid  in  abundance  of  gin  and  sourkrout, 
and  every  man  was  allowed  to  sleep  quietly  at  his  post  unless 
the  wind  blew.  True  it  is,  some  slight  disaffection  was  shown 
on  two  or  three  occasions,  at  certain  unreasonable  conduct  of 
Commodore  Hudson.  Thus,  for  instance,  he  forbore  to  shorten 
sail  when  the  wind  was  light,  and  the  weather  serene,  which 
was  considered  among  the  most  experienced  Dutch  seamen,  as 
certain  weather-breeders,  or  prognostics,  that  the  weather 
would  change  for  the  worse.  lie  acted,  moreover,  in  direct 
contradiction  to  that  ancient  and  sage  rule  of  the  Dutch  navi 
gators,  who  always  took  in  sail  at  night — put  the  helm  a-port, 
and  turned  in — by  which  precaution  they  had  a  good  night's 
rest — were  sure  of  knowing  where  they  were  the  next  morn 
ing,  and  stood  but  little  chance  of  running  down  a  continent 
in  the  dark.  He  likewise  prohibited  the  seamen  from  wear 
ing  more  than  five  jackets  and  six  pair  of  breeches,  under 
pretence  of  rendering  them  more  alert ;  and  no  man  was  per 
mitted  to  go  aloft,  and  hand  in  sails  with  a  pipe  in  his  mouth, 
as  is  the  invariable  Dutch  custom  at  the  present  day.  All 
these  grievances,  though  they  might  ruffle  for  a  moment  the 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  89 

constitutional  tranquillity  of  the  honest  Dutch  ars,  made  but 
transient  impression ;  they  eat  hugely,  drank  profusely,  and 
slept  immeasurably,  and  being  under  the  especial  guidance 
of  Providence,  the  ship  was  safely  conducted  to  the  coast  of 
America ;  where,  after  sundry  unimportant  touchings  and 
standings  off  and  on,  she  at  length,  on  the  fourth  day  of  Sep 
tember,  entered  that  majestic  bay  which  at  this  day  expands 
its  ample  bosom  before  the  city  of  New  York,  and  which  had 
never  before  been  visited  by  any  European.* 

*  True  it  is — and  I  am  not  ignorant  of  the  fact,  that  in  a  certain 
apocryphal  book  of  voyages,  compiled  by  one  Hakluyt,  is  to  be  found  a 
letter  written  to  Francis  the  First,  by  one  Giovanne,  or  John  Verazzani, 
on  which  some  writers  are  inclined  to  found  a  belief  that  this  delightful 
bay  had  been  visited  nearly  a  century  previous  to  the  voyage  of  the  en 
terprising  Hudson.  Now  this  (albeit  it  has  met  with  the  countenance  of 
certain  very  judicious  and  learned  men)  I  hold  in  utter  disbelief,  and 
that  for  various  good  and  substantial  reasons  :  First,  Because  on  strict 
examination  it  will  be  found,  that  the  description  given  by  this  Verazzani 
applies  about  as  well  to  the  bay  of  New  York  as  it  does  to  my  night-cap. 
/Secondly,  Because  that  this  John  Verazzani,  for  whom  I  already  begin  to 
feel  a  most  bitter  enmity,  is  a  native  of  Florence  ;  and  everybody 
knows  the  crafty  wiles  of  these  losel  Florentines,  by  which  they  filched 
away  the  laurels  from  the  brows  of  the  immortal  Colon,  (vulgarly  called 
Columbus,)  and  bestowed  them  on  their  officious  townsman,  Amerigo 
Vespucci ;  and  I  make  no  doubt  they  are  equally  ready  to  rob  the  illus 
trious  Hudson  of  the  credit  of  discovering  this  beautiful  island,  adorned 
by  the  city  of  New  York,  and  placing  it  beside  their  usurped  discovery 
of  South  America.  And,  thirdly,  I  award  my  decision  in  favor  of  the 
pretensions  of  Hcndrick  Hudson,  inasmuch  as  his  expedition  sailed  from 
Holland,  being  truly  and  absolutely  a  Dutch  enterprise — and  though  all 
the  proofs  in  the  world  were  introduced  on  the  other  side,  I  would  set 
them  at  naught,  as  undeserving  my  attention.  If  these  three  reasons 
be  not  sufficient  to  satisfy  every  burgher  of  this  ancient  city — all  I  can 
say  is,  they  are  degenerate  descendants  from  their  venerable  Dutch  an 
cestors,  and  totally  unworthy  the  trouble  of  convincing.  Thus,  there 
fore,  the  title  of  Hendrick  Hudson  to  his  renowned  discovery  is  fully 
vindicated. 


90  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

It  has  been  traditionary  in  our  family,  that  when  the  great 
navigator  was  first  blessed  with  a  view  of  this  enchanting  isl 
and,  he  was  observed,  for  the  first  and  only  time  in  his  life,  to 
exhibit  strong  symptoms  of  astonishment  and  admiration. 
He  is  said  to  have  turned  to  master  Juet,  arid  uttered  these 
remarkable  words,  -while  he  pointed  towards  this  paradise  of 
the  new  world — "  See  !  there  ! " — and  thereupon,  as  was 
always  his  way  when  he  was  uncommonly  pleased,  he  did 
puff"  out  such  clouds  of  dense  tobacco  smoke,  that  in  one  min 
ute  the  vessel  was  out  of  sight  of  land,  and  master  Juet  was 
fain  to  wait  until  the  winds  dispersed  this  impenetrable  fog. 

It  was  indeed — as  my  great-grandfather  used  to  say — 
though  in  truth  I  never  heard  him,  for  he  died,  as  might  be 
expected,  before  I  was  born — "  It  was  indeed  a  spot  on  which 
the  eye  might  have  revelled  forever,  in  ever  new  and  never 
ending  beauties."  The  island  of  Mannahata  spread  wide 
before  them,  like  some  sweet  vision  of  fancy,  or  some  fair  cre 
ation  of  industrious  magic.  Its  hills  of  smiling  green  swelled 
gently  one  above  another,  crowned  with  lofty  trees  of  luxu 
riant  growth ;  some  pointing  their  tapering  foliage  towards 
the  clouds,  which  were  gloriously  transparent ;  and  others 
loaded  with  a  verdant  burthen  of  clambering  vines,  bowing 
their  branches  to  the  earth,  that  was  covered  with  flowers. 
On  the  gentle  declivities  of  the  hills  were  scattered  in  gay 
profusion,  the  dog-wood,  the  sumach,  and  the  wild  brier,  whose 
scarlet  berries  and  white-  blossoms  glowed  brightly  among  the 
deep  green  of  the  surrounding  foliage ;  and  here  and  there  a 
curling  column  of  smoke  rising  from  the  little  glens  that 
opened  along  the  shore,  seemed  to  promise  the  weary  voy 
agers  a  welcome  at  the  hands  of  their  fellow  creatures.  As 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  91 

they  stood  gazing  with  entranced  attention  on  the  scene  before 
them,  a  red  man,  crowned  with  feathers,  issued  from  one  of 
these  glens,  and  after  contemplating  in  wonder  the  gallant 
ship,  as  she  sat  like  a  stately  swan  swimming  on  a  silver  lake, 
sounded  the  warwhoop,  and  bounded  into  the  woods  like  a  wild 
deer,  to  the  utter  astonishment  of  the  phlegmatic  Dutchmen, 
who  had  never  heard  such  a  noise,  or  witnessed  such  a  caper 
in  their  whole  lives. 

Of  the  transactions  of  our  adventurers  with  the  savages, 
and  how  the  latter  smoked  copper  pipes,  and  ate  dried  cur 
rants  ;  how  they  brought  great  store  of  tobacco  and  oysters  ; 
how  they  shot  one  of  the  ship's  crew,  and  how  he  was  buried, 
I  shall  say  nothing ;  being  that  I  consider  them  unimportant 
to  my  history.  After  tarrying  a  few  days  in  the  bay,  in  order 
to  refresh  themselves  after  their  sea-faring,  our  voyagers 
weighed  anchor,  to  explore  a  mighty  river  which  emptied  into 
the  bay.  This  river,  it  is  said,  was  known  among  the  savages 
by  the  name  of  the  Shatemuck  ;  though  we  are  assured  in  an 
excellent  little  history  published  in  1674,  by  John  Jossclyn, 
Gent.,  that  it  was  called  the  Mohegan*  and  master  Richard 
Bloome,  who  wrote  some  time  afterwards,  asserts  the  same — 
so  that  I  very  much  incline  in  favor  of  the  opinion  of  these 
two  honest  gentlemen.  Be  this  as  it  may,  up  this  river  did 
the  adventurous  Hendrick  proceed,  little  doubting  but  it 
would  turn  out  to  be  the  much  looked  for  passage  to  China ! 

The  journal  goes  on  to  make  mention  of  divers  interviews 
between  the  crew  and  the  natives,  in  the  voyage  up  the  river ; 
but  as  they  would  be  impertinent  to  my  history,  I  shall  pass 

*  This  river  is  likewise  laid  down  in  Ogilvy's  map  as  Manhattan — 
Noordt  Montaisrne  and  Mauritius  river. 


92  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

over  them  in  silence,  except  the  following  dry  joke,  played  oft* 
by  the  old  commodore  and  his  school-fellow,  Robert  Juet, 
which  does  such  vast  credit  to  their  experimental  philosophy, 
that  I  cannot  refrain  from  inserting  it.  "  Our  master  and  his 
mate  determined  to  try  some  of  the  chiefe  men  of  the  coun- 
trey,  whether  they  had  any  treacherie  in  them.  So  they  tooke 
them  downe  into  the  cabin,  and  gave  them  so  much  wine  and 
aqua  vitce,  that  they  were  all  merrie  ;  and  one  of  them  had 
his  wife  with  him,  which  sate  so  modestly,  as  any  of  our  coun- 
trey  women  wrould  do  in  a  strange  place.  In  the  end,  one  of 
them  was  drunke,  which  had  been  aborde  of  our  ship  all  the 
time  that  we  had  been  there,  and  that  was  strange  to  them,  for 
they  could  not  tell  how  to  take  it."  * 

Having  satisfied  himself  by  this  ingenious  experiment,  that 
the  natives  were  an  honest,  social  race  of  jolly  r oysters,  who 
had  no  objection  to  a  drinking  bout  and  wrere  very  merry  in 
their  cups,  the  old  commodore  chuckled  hugely  to  himself,  and 
thrusting  a  double  quid  of  tobacco  in  his  cheek,  directed  mas 
ter  Juct  to  have  it  carefully  recorded,  for  the  satisfaction  of 
all  the  natural  philosophers  of  the  university  of  Leyden — 
which  done,  he  proceeded  on  his  voyage,  with  great  self-com 
placency.  After  sailing,  however,  above  an  hundred  miles  up 
the  river,  he  found  the  watery  Avorld  around  him  began  to 
grow  more  shallow  and  confined,  the  current  more  rapid,  and 
perfectly  fresh — phenomena  not  uncommon  in  the  ascent  of 
rivers,  but  which  puzzled  the  honest  Dutchmen  prodigiously. 
A  consultation  was  therefore  called,  and  having  deliberated 
full  six  hours,  they  were  brought  to  a  determination,  by  the 
ship's  running  aground — whereupon  they  unanimously  con- 

*  Juet's  Journ.  Purch.  Fil. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  93 

eluded,  that  there  was  but  little  chance  of  getting  to  China  in 
this  direction.  A  boat,  however,  was  despatched  to  explore 
higher  up  the  river,  which,  on  its  return,  confirmed  the  opin 
ion—upon  this  the  ship  was  warped  off  and  put  about,  with 
great  difficulty,  being  like  most  of  her  sex,  exceedingly  hard 
to  govern  ;  and  the  adventurous  Hudson,  according  to  the 
account  of  my  great-great-grandfather,  returned  down  the 
river — -\vith  a  prodigious  flea  in  his  ear  ! 

Being  satisfied  that  there  was  little  likelihood  of  getting 
to  China,  unless,  like  the  blind  man,  he  returned  from  whence 
he  set  out,  and  took  a  fresh  start,  he  forthwith  recrossed  the 
sea  to  Holland,  where  he  was  received  with  great  welcome  by 
the  honorable  East  India  Company,  who  were  very  much 
rejoiced  to  see  him  come  back  safe — with  their  ship ;  and  at  en 
large  and  respectable  meeting  of  the  first  merchants  and  bur 
gomasters  of  Amsterdam,  it  was  unanimously  determined, 
that  as  a  munificent  reward  for  the  eminent  services  he  had 
performed,  and  the  important  discovery  he  had  made,  the 
great  river  Mohegan  should  be  called  after  his  name  ! — and  it 
continues  to  be  called  Hudson  river  unto  this  very  day. 


CHAPTEK  II. 

CONTAINING   AN   ACCOUNT   OF   A   MIGHTY   ARK  WHICH   FLOATED,  UNDER   THE 

PROTECTION     OF     ST.    NICHOLAS,    FROM     HOLLAND    TO     GIBBET    ISLAND 

THE    DESCENT     OF    THE     STRANGE    ANIMALS    THEREFROM A    GREAT   VIC 
TORY,  AND    A    DESCRIPTION    OF   THE    ANCIENT  VILLAGE  OF  COMMUNIPAW. 

THE  delectable  accounts  given  by  the  great  Hudson,  and 
master  Juet,  of  the  country  they  had  discovered,  excited  not 
a  little  talk  and  speculation  among  the  good  people  of  Holland. 
Letters  patent  were  granted  by  government  to  an  association 
of  merchants,  called  the  West  India  Company,  for  the  exclu 
sive  trade  on  Hudson  river,  on  which  they  erected  a  trading- 
house  called  Fort  Aurania,  or  Orange,  from  whence  did  spring 
the  great  city  of  Albany.  But  I  forbear  to  dwell  on  the 
various  commercial  and  colonizing  enterprises  which  took 
place  ;  among  which  was  that  of  Mynheer  Adrian  Block,  who 
discovered  and  gave  a  name  to  Block  Island,  since  famous  for 
its  cheese — and  shall  barely  confine  myself  to  that  which  gave 
birth  to  this  renowned  city. 

It  was  some  three  or  four  years  after  the  return  of  the 
immortal  Ilendrick,  that  a  crew  of  honest,  Low  Dutch  colo 
nists  set  sail  from  the  city  of  Amsterdam  for  the  shores  of 
America.  It  is  an  irreparable  loss  to  history,  and  a  great 
proof  of  the  darkness  of  the  age,  and  the  lamentable  neglect  of 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  95 

the  noble  art  of  book-making,  since  so  industriously  cultivated 
by  knowing  sea-captains,  and  learned  supercargoes,  that  an 
expedition  so  interesting  and  important  in  its  results,  should 
be  passed  over  in  utter  silence.  To  my  great-great-grand 
father  am  I  again  indebted  for  the  few  facts  I  arn  enabled  to 
give  concerning  it — he  having  once  more  embarked  for  this 
country,  with  a  full  determination,  as  he  said,  of  ending  his 
days  here — and  of  begetting  a  race  of  Knickerbockers,  that 
should  rise  to  be  great  men  in  the  land. 

The  ship  in  which  these  illustrious  adventurers  set  sail  was 
called  the  Goede  Vrouw,  or  good  woman,  in  compliment  to 
the  wife  of  the  President  of  the  "West  India  Company,  who 
was  allowed  by  everybody  (except  her  husband)  to  be  a 
sweet-tempered  lady — when  not  in  liquor.  It  was  in  truth  a 
most  gallant  vessel,  of  the  most  approved  Dutch  construction, 
and  made  by  the  ablest  ship-carpenters  of  Amsterdam,  who, 
it  is  well  known,  alwrays  model  their  ships  after  the  fair  forms 
of  their  countrywomen.  Accordingly,  it  had  one  hundred 
feet  in  the  beam,  one  hundred  feet  in  the  keel,  and  one  hun 
dred  feet  from  the  bottom  of  the  stern-post  to  the  taffercl. 
Like  the  beauteous  model,  who  was  declared  to  be  the  great 
est  belle  in  Amsterdam,  it  was  full  in  the  bows,  with  a  pair 
of  enormous  cat-heads,  a  copper  bottom,  and  withal  a  most 
prodigious  poop  ! 

The  architect,  who  was  somewhat  of  a  religious  man,  far 
from  decorating  the  ship  with  pagan  idols,  such  as  Jupiter, 
Neptune,  or  Hercules,  (which  heathenish  abominations,  I  have- 
no  doubt  occasion  the  misfortunes  and  shipwreck  of  many  a 
noble  vessel.)  he,  I  say  on  the  contrary,  did  laudably  erect 
for  a  head,  a  goodly  image  of  St.  Nicholas,  equipped  with  a 


96  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

low,  broad-brimmed  hat,  a  huge  pair  of  Flemish  trunk  hose, 
and  a  pipe  that  reached  to  the  end  of  the  bowsprit.  Thus 
gallantly  furnished,  the  staunch  ship  floated,  sideways,  like  a 
majestic  goose,  out  of  the  harbor  of  the  great  city  of  Amster 
dam,  and  all  the  bells,  that  were  not  otherwise  engaged,  rang 
a  triple  bobmajor  on  the  joyful  occasion. 

My  great-great-grandfather  remarks,  that  the  voyage  was 
uncommonly  prosperous,  for,  being  under  the  especial  care  of 
the  ever-revered  St.  Nicholas,  the  Goede  Vrouw  seemed  to  be 
endowed  with  qualities  unknown  to  common  vessels.  Thus 
she  made  as  much  leeway  as  headway,  could  get  along  very 
nearly  as  fast  with  the  wind  ahead,  as  when  it  was  a-poop — 
and  was  particularly  great  in  a  calm  ;  in  consequence  of  which 
singular  advantages,  she  made  out  to  accomplish  her  voyage 
in  a  very  few  months,  and  came  to  anchor  at  the  mouth  of  the 
Hudson,  a  little  to  the  east  of  Gibbet  Island. 

Here  lifting  up  their  eyes,  they  beheld,  on  what  is  at  pres 
ent  called  the  Jersey  shore,  a  small  Indian  village,  pleasantly 
embowered  in  a  grove  of  spreading  elms,  and  the  natives  all 
collected  on  the  beach,  gazing  in  stupid  admiration  at  the 
Goede  Vrouw.  A  boat  was  immediately  despatched  to  enter 
into  a  treaty  with  them,  and  approaching  the  shore,  hailed 
them  through  a  trumpet,  in  the  most  friendly  terms ;  but  so 
horribly  confounded  were  these  poor  savages  at  the  tremen 
dous  and  uncouth  sound  of  the  Low  Dutch  language,  that  they 
one  and  all  took  to  their  heels,  and  scampered  over  the  Ber 
gen  hills;  nor  did  they  stop  until  they  .had  buried  themselves, 
head  and  ears,  in  the  marshes  on  the  other  side,  where  they 
all  miserably  perished  to  a  man — and  their  bones  being  col 
lected  and  decently  covered  by  the.  Tammany  Society  of  that 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK.  97 

day,  formed  that  singular  mound  called  KATTLESNAKE  HILL, 
which  rises  out  of  the  centre  of  the  salt  marshes  a  little  to  the 
east  of  the  Newark  Causeway. 

Animated  by  this  unlocked  for  victory,  our  valiant  heroes 
sprang  ashore  in  triumph,  took  possession  of  the  soil  as  con 
querors,  in  the  name  of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords 
States  General ;  and  marching  fearlessly  forward,  carried  the 
village  of  COMMUNIPAW  by  storm,  notwithstanding  that  it  was 
vigorously  defended  by  some  half  a  score  of  old  squaws  and 
pappooses.  On  looking  about  them  they  were  so  transported 
with  the  excellencies  of  the  place,  that  they  had  very  little 
doubt  the  blessed  St.  Nicholas  had  guided  them  thither,  as  the 
very  spot  whereon  to  settle  their  colony.  The  softness  of  the 
soil  was  wonderfully  adapted  to  the  driving  of  piles;  the 
swamps  and  marshes  around  them  afforded  ample  opportu 
nities  for  the  constructing  of  dykes  and  dams ;  the  shallow- 
ness  of  the  shore  was  peculiarly  favorable  to  the  building  of 
docks — in  a  word,  this  spot  abounded  with  all  the  requisites 
for  the  foundation  of  a  great  Dutch  city.  On  making  a  faith 
ful  report,  therefore,  to  the  crew  of  the  Goede  Vrouw,  they  one 
and  all  determined  that  this  was  the  destined  end  of  their  voy 
age.  Accordingly  they  descended  from  the  Goede  Vrouw, 
men,  women,  and  children,  in  goodly  groups,  as  did  the  animals 
of  yore  from  the  ark,  and  formed  themselves  into  a  thriving 
settlement,  which  they  called  by  the  Indian  name  COMMUNIPAW. 

As  all  the  world  is  doubtless  perfectly  acquainted  with 
Communipaw,  it  may  seem  somewhat  superfluous  to  treat  of 
it  in  the  present  work ;  but  my  readers  will  please  to  recol 
lect,  notwithstanding  it  is  my  chief  desire  to  satisfy  the  pres 
ent  age,  yet  I  write  likewise  for  posterity,  and  have  to  consult 


98  HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

the  understanding  and  curiosity  of  some  half  a  score  of  centu 
ries  yet  to  come  ;  by  which  time,  perhaps,  were  it  not  for  this 
invaluable  history,  the  great  Communipaw,  like  Babylon, 
Carthage,  Nineveh,  and  other  great  cities,  might  be  perfectly 
extinct — sunk  and  forgotten  in  its  own  mud — its  inhabitants 
turned  into  oysters,*  and  even  its  situation  a  fertile  subject  of 
learned  controversy  and  hard-headed  investigation  among  inde 
fatigable  historians.  Let  me  then  piously  rescue  from  obliv 
ion  the  humble  relics  of  a  place,  which  was  the  egg  from 
whence  was  hatched  the  mighty  city  of  New  York  ! 

Communipaw  is  at  present  but  a  small  village,  pleasantly 
situated,  among  rural  scenery,  on  that  beauteous  part  of  the 
Jersey  shore  which  was  known  in  ancient  legends  by  the 
name  of  Pavonia,f  and  commands  a  grand  prospect  of  the 
superb  bay  of  New  York.  It  is  within  but  half  an  hour's  sail 
of  the  latter  place,  provided  you  have  a  fair  wind,  and  may  be 
distinctly  seen  from  the  city.  Nay,  it  is  a  well-known  fact, 
which  I  can  testify  from  my  own  experience,  that  on  a  clear 
still  summer  evening,  you  may  hear,  from  the  battery  of  New 
York,  the  obstreperous  peals  of  broad-mouthed  laughter  of  the 
Dutch  negroes  at  Communipaw,  who,  like  most  other  negroes, 
are  famous  for  their  risible  powers.  This  is  peculiarly  the 
case  on  Sunday  evenings,  when,  it  is  remarked  by  an  inge 
nious  and  observant  philosopher,  who  has  made  great  discov 
eries  in  the  neighborhood  of  this  city,  that  they  always  laugh 
loudest — which  he  attributes  to  the  circumstance  of  their  hav 
ing  their  holiday  clothes  on. 

*  Men  by  inaction  degenerate  into  oysters. — Kaimes. 
\  Pavonia,  in  the  ancient  maps,  is  given  to  a  tract  of  country  ex 
tending  from  about  Hoboken  to  Amboy. 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  1)9 

These  negroes,  in  fact,  like  the  monks  of  the  dark  ages, 
engross  all  the  knowledge  of  the  place,  and  being  infinitely 
more  adventurous  and  more  knowing  than  their  masters, 
carry  on  all  the  foreign  trade ;  making  frequent  voyages  to 
town  in  canoes  loaded  with  oysters,  buttermilk,  and  cabbages. 

They  are  great  astrologers,  predicting  the  different  changes 
of  weather  almost  as  accurately  as  an  almanac — they  are 
moreover  exquisite  performers  on  three-stringed  fiddles ;  in 
whistling  they  almost  boast  the  far-famed  powers  of  Or- 
pheus's  lyre,  for  not  a  horse  or  an  ox  in  the  place,  when  at  the 
plough  or  before  the  wagon,  will  budge  a  foot  until  he  hears 
the  well-known  whistle  of  his  black  driver  and  companion. — 
And  from  their  amazing  skill  at  casting  up  accounts  upon  their 
fingers,  they  are  regarded  with  as  much  veneration  as  were 
the  disciples  of  Pythagoras  of  yore,  when  initiated  into  the 
sacred  quaternary  of  numbers. 

As  to  the  honest  burghers  of  Communipaw,  like  wise  men 
and  sound  philosophers,  they  never  look  beyond  their  pipes, 
nor  trouble  their  heads  about  any  affairs  out  of  their  imme 
diate  neighborhood ;  so  that  they  live  in  profound  and  envia 
ble  ignorance  of  all  the  troubles,  anxieties,  and  revolutions  of 
this  distracted  planet.  I  am  even  told  that  many  among  them 
do  verily  believe  that  Holland,  of  which  they  have  heard  so 
much  from  tradition,  is  situated  somewhere  on  Long  Island — 
that  Spiking-devil  and  the  Narrows  are  the  two  ends  of  the 
world — that  the  country  is  still  under  the  dominion  of  their 
High  Mightinesses,  and  that  the  city  of  New  York  still  goes 
by  the  name  of  Nieuw  Amsterdam.  They  meet  every  Satur 
day  afternoon,  at  the  only  tavern  in  the  place,  which  bears  as 
a  sign,  a  square-headed  likeness  of  the  Prince  of  Orange,  where 


100  HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

they  smoke  a  silent  pipe,  by  way  of  promoting  social  conviv 
iality,  and  invariably  drink  a  mug  of  cider  to  the  success  of 
Admiral  Van  Tromp,  who  they  imagine  is  still  sweeping  the 
British  channel,  with  a  broom  at  his  mast-head. 

Communipaw,  in  short,  is  one  of  the  numerous  little  vil 
lages  in  the  vicinity  of  this  most  beautiful  of  cities,  which  are 
so  many  strongholds  and  fastnesses,  whither  the  primitive 
manners  of  our  Dutch  forefathers  have  retreated,  and  where 
they  are  cherished  with  devout  and  scrupulous  strictness. 
The  dress  of  the  original  settlers  is  handed  down  inviolate, 
from  father  to  son — the  identical  broad-brimmed  hat,  broad- 
skirted  coat,  and  broad-bottomed  breeches,  continue  from  gen 
eration  to  generation ;  and  several  gigantic  knee-buckles  of 
massy  silver,  are  still  in  wear,  that  made  gallant  display  in 
the  days  of  the  patriarchs  of  Communipaw.  The  language 
likewise  continues  unadulterated  by  barbarous  innovations ; 
and  so  critically  correct  is  the  village  schoolmaster  in  his  dia 
lect,  that  his  reading  of  a  Low  Dutch  psalm  has  much  the 
same  effect  on  the  nerves  as  the  filing  of  a  handsaw. 


CHAPTER  III. 

IN  WHICH  IS  SET  FORTH  THE  TRUE  ART  OF  MAKING  A  BARGAIN  —  TO 
GETHER  WITH  THE  MIRACULOUS  ESCAPE  OF  A  GREAT  METROPOLIS  IN  A 
FOG — AND  THE  BIOGRAPHY  OF  CERTAIN  HEROES  OF  COMMUNIPAW. 

TT  AVING,  in  the  trifling  digression  which  concluded  the  last 
-*--*-  chapter,  discharged  the  filial  duty  which  the  city  of  New 
York  owed  to  Communipaw,  as  being  the  mother  settlement ; 
and  having  given  a  faithful  picture  of  it  as  it  stands  at  present, 
I  return  with  a  soothing  sentiment  of  self-approbation,  to  dwell 
upon  its  early  history.  The  crew  of  the  Goede  Vrouw  being 
soon  reinforced  by  fresh  importations  from  Holland,  the  set 
tlement  went  jollily  on,  increasing  in  magnitude  and  prosperity. 
The  neighboring  Indians  in  a  short  time  became  accustomed 
to  the  uncouth  sound  of  the  Dutch  language,  and  an  intercourse 
gradually  took  place  between  them  and  the  new  comers.  The 
Indians  were  much  given  to  long  talks,  and  the  Dutch  to  long 
silence — in  this  particular,  therefore,  they  accommodated  each  / 
other  completely.  The  chiefs  would  make  long  speeches  about 
the  big  bull,  the  Wabash,  and  the  Great  Spirit,  to  which  the 
others  would  listen  very  attentively,  smoke  their  pipes  and 
grunt  yah,  myn-her — whereat  the  poor  savages  were  won- 
drously  delighted.  They  instructed  the  new  settlers  in  the 
best  art  of  curing  and  smoking  tobacco,  while  the  latter,  in 


102  HISTORY   OF   NEW    YOKK. 

return,  made  them  drunk  with  true  Hollands — and  then  taught 
them  the  art  of  making  bargains. 

A  brisk  trade  for  furs  was  soon  opened  :  the  Dutch 
traders  were  scrupulously  honest  in  their  dealings,  and  pur 
chased  by  weight,  establishing  it  as  an  invariable  table  of 
avoirdupois,  that  the  hand  of  a  Dutchman  weighed  one  pound, 
and  his  foot  two  pounds.  It  is  true,  the  simple  Indians  were 
often  puzzled  by  the  great  disproportion  between  bulk  and 
weight,  for  let  them  place  a  bundle  of  furs,  never  so  large,  in 
one  scale,  and  a  Dutchman  put  his  hand  or  foot  in  the  other, 
the  bundle  was  sure  to  kick  the  beam — never  was  a  package 
of  furs  known  to  weigh  more  than  two  pounds  in  the  market 
of  Communipaw ! 

This  is  a  singular  fact — but  I  have  it  direct  from  my  great- 
great-grandfather,  who  had  risen  to  considerable  importance 
/  in  the  colony,  being  promoted  to  the  office  of  weigh-master, 
on  account  of  the  uncommon  heaviness  of  his  foot. 

The  Dutch  possessions  in  this  part  of  the  globe  began  now 
to  assume  a  very  thriving  appearance,  and  were  comprehended 
under  the  general  title  of  Nieuw  Nedcrlandts,  on  account,  as 
the  sage  Vander  Donck  observes,  of  their  great  resemblance 
to  the  Dutch  Netherlands — which  indeed  was  truly  remark 
able,  excepting  that  the  former  were  rugged  and  mountainous, 
aud  the  latter  level  and  marshy.  About  this  time  the  tran 
quillity  of  the  Dutch  colonists  was  doomed  to  suffer  a  tempo 
rary  interruption.  In  1614,  Captain  Sir  Samuel  Argal,  sailing 
under  a  commission  from  Dale,  governor  of  Virginia,  visited 
the  Dutch  settlements  on  Hudson  River,  and  demanded  their 
submission  to  the  English  crown  and  Virginian  dominion. 
To  this  arrogant  demand,  as  they  were  in  no  condition  to  resist 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YOKK.  103 

it,  they  submitted  for  the  time,  like  discreet  and  reasonable 
men. 

It  does  not  appear  that  the  valiant  Argal  molested  the  set 
tlement  of  Communipaw  ;  on  the  contrary,  I  am  told  that 
when  his  vessel  first  hove  in  sight,  the  worthy  burghers  were 
seized  with  such  a  panic,  that  they  fell  to  smoking  their  pipes 
with  astonishing  vehemence  ;  insomuch  that  they  quickly 
raised  a  cloud,  which,  combining  with  the  surrounding  woods 
and  marshes,  completely  enveloped  and  concealed  their  beloved 
village,  and  overhung  the  fair  regions  of  Pavonia — so  that  the 
terrible  Captain  Argal  passed  on,  totally  unsuspicious  that  a 
sturdy  little  Dutch  settlement  lay  snugly  couched  in  the  mud, 
under  cover  of  all  this  pestilent  vapor.  In  commemoration  of 
this  fortunate  escape,  the  worthy  inhabitants  have  continued 
to  smoke,  almost  without  intermission,  unto  this  very  day ; 
which  is  said  to  be  the  cause  of  the  remarkable  fog  which  often 
hangs  over  Communipaw  of  a  clear  afternoon. 

Upon  the  departure  of  the  enemy,  our  worthy  ancestors 
took  full  six  months  to  recover  their  wind  and  get  over  the 
consternation  into  which  they  had  been  thrown.  They  then 
called  a  council  of  safety  to  smoke  over  the  state  of  the  prov 
ince.  At  this  council  presided  one  Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt,  a 
personage  who  was  held  in  great  reverence  among  the  sages 
of  Communipaw  for  the  variety  and  darkness  of  his  knowledge. 
He  had  originally  been  one  of  a  set  of  peripatetic  philosophers 
who  passed  much  of  their  time  sunning  themselves  on  the  side 
of  the  great  canal  of  Amsterdam  in  Holland ;  enjoying,  like 
Diogenes,  a  free  and  unencumbered  estate  in  sunshine.  His 
name  Kortlandt  (Shortland  or  Lackland)  was  supposed,  like 
that  of  the  illustrious  Jean  Sansterre,  to  indicate  that  he  had 


104  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

no  land ;  but  he  insisted,  on  the  contrary,  that  he  had  great 
landed  estates  somewhere  in  Terra  Incognita ;  and  lie  had  come 
out  to  the  new  world  to  look  after  them.  He  was  the  first 
great  land  speculator  that  we  read  of  in  these  parts. 

Like  all  land  speculators,  he  was  much  given  to  dreaming. 
Never  did  any  thing  extraordinary  happen  at  Communipaw 
but  he  declared  that  he  had  previously  dreamt  it ;  being  one 
of  those  infallible  prophets  who  predict  events  after  they  have 
come  to  pass.  This  supernatural  gift  was  as  highly  valued 
among  the  burghers  of  Pavonia  as  among  the  enlightened 
nations  of  antiquity.  The  wise  Ulysses  was  more  indebted  to 
his  sleeping  than  his  waking  moments  for  his  most  subtle 
achievements,  and  seldom  undertook  any  great  exploit  without 
first  soundly  sleeping  upon  it ;  and  the  same  may  be  said  of 
Oloffe  Van  Kortlandt,  who  was  thence  aptly  denominated 
Oloffe  the  dreamer. 

As  yet  his  dreams  and  speculations  had  turned  to  little 
personal  profit ;  and  he  was  as  much  a  lack-land  as  ever.  Still 
he  carried  a  high  head  in  the  community ;  if  his  sugar-loaf 
hat  was  rather  the  worse  for  wear,  he  set  it  off  with  a  taller 
cock's-tail ;  if  his  shirt  was  none  of  the  cleanest,  he  puffed  it 
out  the  more  at  the  bosom  ;  and  if  the  tail  of  it  peeped  out 
of  a  hole  in  his  breeches,  it  at  least  proved  that  it  really  had  a 
tail  and  was  not  mere  ruffle. 

The  worthy  Van  Kortlandt,  in  the  council  in  question, 
urged  the  policy  of  emerging  from  the  swamps  of  Communi 
paw  and  seeking  some  more  eligible  site  for  the  seat  of  empire. 
Such,  he  said,  was  the  advice  of  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  who 
had  appeared  to  him  in  a  dream  the  night  before  ;  and  whom 
he  had  known  by  his  broad  hat,  his  long  pipe,  and  the  resem- 


HISTOBY    OF   NEW    YORK.  105 

blance  which  he  bore  to  the  figure  on  the  bow  of  the  Goede 
Vrouw. 

Many  have  thought  this  dream  was  a  mere  invention  of 
OlofFe  Van  Kortlandt ;  who,  it  is  said,  had  ever  regarded 
Communipaw  with  an  evil  eye  because  he  had  arrived  there 
after  all  the  land  had  been  shared  out,  and  who  was  anxious 
to  change  the  seat  of  empire  to  some  new  place,  where  he 
might  be  present  at  the  distribution  of  "  town  lots."  But  we 
must  not  give  heed  to  such  insinuations,  which  are  too  apt  to 
be  advanced  against  those  worthy  gentlemen  engaged  in  laying 
out  towns,  and  in  other  land  speculations.  For  my  own  part, 
I  am  disposed  to  place  the  same  implicit  faith  in  the  vision  of 
Oloffe  the  Dreamer  that  was  manifested  by  the  honest  burghers 
of  Communipaw,  who  one  and  all  agreed  that  an  expedition 
should  be  forthwith  fitted  out  to  go  on  a  voyage  of  discovery 
in  quest  of  a  new  seat  of  empire. 

This  perilous  enterprise  was  to  be  conducted  by  Oloffe 
himself;  who  chose  as  lieutenants  or  coadjutors  Mynheers 
Abraham  Hardenbroeck,  Jacobus  Van  Zandt,  and  Winant 
Ten  Broeck — three  indubitably  great  men,  but  of  whose  his 
tory,  although  I  have  made  diligent  inquiry,  I  can  learn  but 
little  previous  to  their  leaving  Holland.  Nor  need  this  occa 
sion  much  surprise ;  for  adventurers,  like  prophets,  though 
they  make  great  noise  abroad,  have  seldom  much  celebrity  in 
their  own  countries ;  but  this  much  is  certain,  that  the  over 
flowings  and  offscourings  of  a  country  are  invariably  composed 
of  the  richest  parts  of  the  soil.  And  here  I  cannot  help  re 
marking  how  convenient  it  wouM  be  to  many  of  our  great  men 
and  great  families  of  doubtful  origin,  could  they  have  the 
privilege  of  the  heroes  of  yore,  who,  whenever  their  origin 


106  IlISTOliY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

was  involved  in  obscurity,  modestly  announced  themselves 
descended  from  a  god — and  who  never  visited  a  foreign  coun 
try  but  what  they  told  some  cock  and  bull  stories  about 
their  being  kings  and  princes  at  home.  This  venal  trespass 
on  the  truth,  though  it  has  been  occasionally  played  off  by 
some  pseudo  marquis,  baronet,  and  other  illustrious  foreigner, 
in  our  land  of  good-natured  credulity,  has  been  completely  dis 
countenanced  in  this  skeptical,  matter  of  fact  age — and  I  even 
question  whether  any  tender  virgin,  who  was  accidentally  and 
unaccountably  enriched  writh  a  bantling,  would  save  her  char 
acter  at  parlor  firesides  and  evening  tea  parties  by  ascribing 
the  phenomenon  to  a  swan,  a  shower  of  gold,  or  a  river  god. 

Had  I  the  benefit  of  mythology  and  classic  fable  above 
alluded  to,  I  should  have  furnished  the  first  of  the  trio  with  a 
pedigree  equal  to  that  of  the  proudest  hero  of  antiquity.  His 
name,  Van  Zandt,  that  is  to  say,  from  the  sand,  or  in  common 
parlance,  from  the  dirt,  gave  reason  to  suppose  that  like  Trip- 
tolemus,  Themes,  the  Cyclops  and  the  Titans,  he  had  sprung 
from  Dame  Terra,  or  the  earth !  This  supposition  is  strongly 
corroborated  by  his  size,  for  it  is  well  known  that  all  the 
progeny  of  mother  earth  were  of  a  gigantic  stature  ;  and  Van 
Zandt,  we  are  told,  was  a  tall,  raw-boned  man,  above  six  feet 
high — with  an  astonishingly  hard  head.  Nor  is  this  origin  of 
the  illustrious  Van  Zandt  a  whit  more  improbable  or  repug 
nant  to  belief  than  what  is  related  and  universally  admitted 
of  certain  of  our  greatest,  or  rather  richest  men ;  who,  we  are 
told  with  the  utmost  gravity,  did  originally  spring  from  a 
dunghill  ! 

Of  the  second  of  the  trio,  but  faint  accounts  have  reached 
to  this  time,  which  mention  that  he  was  a  sturdy,  obstinate, 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  10  7 

worrying,  bustling  little  man ;  and,  from  being  usually 
equipped  in  an  old  pair  of  buckskins,  was  familiarly  dubbed 
Harden  Broeck ;  that  is  to  say,  Hard  in  the  Breech  ;  or,  as  it 
was  generally  rendered,  Tough  Breeches. 

Ten  Broeck  completed  this  junto  of  adventurers.  It  is  a 
singular  but  ludicrous  fact, — which,  were  I  not  scrupulous  in 
recording  the  whole  truth,  I  should  almost  be  tempted  to  pass 
over  in  silence  as  incompatible  with  the  gravity  and  dignity 
of  history, — that  this  worthy  gentleman  should  likewise  have 
been  nicknamed  from  what  in  modern  times  is  considered  the 
most  ignoble  part  of  the  dress.  But  in  truth  the  small  clothes 
seems  to  have  been  a  very  dignified  garment  in  the  eyes  of 
our  venerated  ancestors,  in  all  probability  from  its  covering 
that  part  of  the  body  which  has  been  pronounced  "  the  seat  of 
honor." 

The  name  of  Ten  Broeck,  or  as  it  was  sometimes  spelled 
Tin  Broeck,  has  been  indifferently  translated  into  Ten  Breeches 
and  Tin  Breeches.  Certain  elegant  and  ingenious  writers  on 
the  subject  declare  in  favor  of  Tin,  or  rather  Thin  Breeches ; 
whence  they  infer  that  the  original  bearer  of  it  was  a  poor  but 
merry  rogue,  whose  galligaskins  were  none  of  the  soundest, 
and  who,  peradventure,  may  have  been  the  author  of  that 
truly  philosophical  stanza : 

"  Then  why  should  we  quarrel  for  riches, 

Or  any  such  glittering  toys  ; 
A  light  heart  and  thin  pair  of  breeches, 

Will  go  through  the  world,  my  brave  boys  !  " 

The  more  accurate  commentators,  however,  declare  in 
favor  of  the  other  reading,  and  affirm  that  the  worthy  in  qucs- 


108  HISTOEY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

tion,  was  a  burly,  bulbous  man,  who,  in  sheer  ostentation  of 
his  venerable  progenitors,  was  the  first  to  introduce  into  the 
settlement  the  ancient  Dutch  fashion  of  ten  pair  of  breeches. 

Such  was  the  trio  of  coadjutors  chosen  by  OlofFe  the 
Dreamer  to  accompany  him  in  this  voyage  into  unknown 
realms ;  as  to  the  names  of  his  crews,  they  have  not  been 
handed  down  by  history. 

Having,  as  I  before  observed,  passed  much  of  his  life  in 
the  open  air,  among  the  peripatetic  philosophers  of  Amster 
dam,  Oloffe  had  become  familiar  with  the  aspect  of  the  heav 
ens,  and  could  as  accurately  determine  when  a  storm  was 
brewing  or  a  squall  rising,  as  a  dutiful  husband  can  foresee, 
from  the  brow  of  his  spouse,  when  a  tempest  is  gathering 
about  his  ears.  Having  pitched  upon  a  time  for  his  voyage, 
when  the  skies  appeared  propitious  he  exhorted  all  his  crews 
to  take  a  good  night's  rest,  wind  up  their  family  affairs,  and 
make  their  wills ;  precautions  taken  by  our  forefathers  even  in 
after  times  when  they  became  more  adventurous,  and  voyaged 
to  Haverstraw,  or  Kaatskill,  or  Groodt  Esopus,  or  any  other 
far  country,  beyond  the  -great  waters  of  the  Tappaan  Zee. 


CHAPTEE  IY. 

HOW   THE    HEROES    OF    COMMUNIPAW    VOYAGED    TO   HELL-GATE,    AND   HOW 
THEY    WERE    RECEIVED    THERE. 

AND  now  the  rosy  blush  of  morn  began  to  mantle  in  the 
east,  and  soon  the  rising  sun,  emerging  from  amidst 
golden  and  purple  clouds,  shed  his  blithesome  rays  on  the  tin 
weathercocks  of  Communipaw.  It  was  that  delicious  season 
of  the  year,  when  nature,  breaking  from  the  chilling  thraldom 
of  old  winter,  like  a  blooming  damsel  from  the  tyranny  of  a 
sordid  old  father,  threw  herself,  blushing  with  ten  thousand 
charms,  into  the  arms  of  youthful  spring.  Every  tufted  copse 
and  blooming  grove  resounded  with  the  notes  of  hymeneal 
love.  The  very  insects,  as  they  sipped  the  dew  that  gemmed 
the  tender  grass  of  the  meadows,  joined  in  the  joyous  epitha- 
lamium — the  virgin  bud  timidly  put  forth  its  blushes,  "  the 
voice  of  the  turtle  was  heard  in  the  land,"  and  the  heart  of 
man  dissolved  away  in  tenderness.  Oh !  sweet  Theocritus ! 
had  I  thine  oaten  reed,  wherewith  thou  erst  did  charm  the  gay 
Sicilian  plains — Or,  oh !  gentle  Bion  !  thy  pastoral  pipe, 
wherein  the  happy  swains  of  the  Lesbian  isle  so  much  de 
lighted,  then  might  I  attempt  to  sing,  in  soft  Bucolic  or  negli 
gent  Idyllium,  the  rural  beauties  of  the  scene — but  having 


110  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

nothing,  save  this  jaded  gooseqnill,  wherewith  to  wing  my 
flight,  I  must  fain  resign  all  poetic  disportings  of  the  fancy, 
and  pursue  my  narrative  in  humble  prose ;  comforting  myself 
wTith  the  hope,  that  though  it  may  not  steal  so  sweetly  upon 
the  imagination  of  my  reader,  yet  it  may  commend  itself,  with 
virgin  modesty,  to  his  better  judgment,  clothed  in  the  chaste 
and  simple  garb  of  truth. 

/No  sooner  did  the  first  rays  of  cheerful  Phoebus  dart  into 
the  windows  of  Commimipaw,  than  the  little  settlement  was 
all  in  motion.  Forth  issued  from  his  castle  the  sage  Van 
Kortlandt,  and  seizing  a  conch  shell,  blew  a  far  resounding 
blast,  that  soon  summoned  all  his  lusty  followers.  Then  did 
they  trudge  resolutely  down  to  the  water  side,  escorted  by  a 
multitude  of  relatives  and  friends,  who  all  went  down,  as  the 
common  phrase  expresses  it,  "  to  see  them  off."  And  this 
shows  the  antiquity  of  those  long  family  processions,  often 
seen  in  our  city,  composed  of  all  ages,  sizes,  and  sexes,  laden 
with  bundles  and  bandboxes,  escorting  some  bevy  of  country 
cousins,  about  to  depart  for  home  in  a  market  boat. 

The  good  Oloffe  bestowed  his  forces  in  a  squadron  of 
three  canoes,  and  hoisted  his  flag  on  board  a  little  round 
Dutch  boat,  shaped  not  unlike  a  tub,  which  had  formerly  been 
the  jolly  boat  of  the  Goede  Vrouw.  And  now,  all  being  em 
barked,  they  bade  farewell  to  the  gazing  throng  upon  the 
beach,  who  continued  shouting  after  them,  even  when  out  of 
hearing,  wishing  them  a  happy  voyage,  advising  them  to  take 
good  care  of  themselves,  not  to  get  drowned — with  an  abun 
dance  other  of  those  sage  and  invaluable  cautions,  generally 
given  by  landsmen  to  such  as  go  down  to  the  sea  in  ships,  and 
adventure  upon  the  deep  waters.  In  the  mean  while  the  voy- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  Ill 

agers  cheerily  urged  their  course  across  the  crystal  bosom  of 
the  bay,  and  soon  left  behind  them  the  green  shores  of  ancient 
Pavonia. 

And  first  they  touched  at  two  small  islands  which  lay 
nearly  opposite  Communipaw,  and  which  are  said  to  have 
been  brought  into  existence  about  the  time  of  the  great  irrup 
tion  of  the  Hudson,  when  it  broke  through  the  Highlands  and 
made  its  way  to  the  ocean.*  For  in  this  tremendous  uproar 
of  the  waters,  we  are  told  that  many  huge  fragments  of  rock 
and  land  were  rent  from  the  mountains  and  swept  down  by 
this  runaway  river,  for  sixty  or  seventy  miles  ;  where  some 
of  them  ran  aground  on  the  shoals  just  opposite  Communipaw, 
and  formed  the  identical  islands  in  question,  while  others 
drifted  out  to  sea,  and  were  never  heard  of  more  !  A  sum- 
cient  proof  of  the  fact  is,  that  the  rock  which  forms  the  bases 
of  these  islands  is  exactly  similar  to  that  of  the  Highlands, 
and  moreover  one  of  our  philosophers,  who  has  diligently  com 
pared  the  agreement  of  their  respective  surfaces,  has  even 
gone  so  far  as  to  assure  me,  in  confidence,  that  Gibbet  Island 
was  originally  nothing  more  nor  less  than  a  wart  on  Antho 
ny's  nose.f 

*  It  is  a  matter  long  since  established  by  certain  of  our  philosophers, 
that  is  to  say,  having  been  often  advanced,  and  never  contradicted,  it 
has  grown  to  be  pretty  nigh  equal  to  a  settled  fact,  that  the  Hudson  was 
originally  a  lake  dammed  up  by  the  mountains  of- the  Highlands.  In 
process  of  time,  however,  becoming  very  mighty  and  obstreperous,  and 
the  mountains  waxing  pursy,  dropsical,  and  weak  in  the  back,  by  reason 
of  their  extreme  old  age,  it  suddenly  rose  upon  them,  and  after  a  vio 
lent  struggle  effected  its  escape.  This  is  said  to  have  come  to  pass  in 
very  remote  time,  probably  before  that  rivers  had  lost  the  art  of  running 
up  hill.  The  foregoing  is  a  theory  in  which  I  do  not  pretend  to  be 
skilled,  notwithstanding  that  I  do  fully  give  it  my  belief. 

f  A  promontory  in  the  Highlands. 


112  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

Leaving  these  wonderful  little  isles,  they  next  coasted  by 
Governor's  Island,  since  terrible  from  its  frowning  fortress 
and  grinning  batteries.  They  would  by  no  means,  however, 
land  upon  this  island,  since  they  doubted  much  it  might 
be  the  abode  of  demons  and  spirits,  which  in  those  days 
did  greatly  abound  throughout  this  savage  and  pagan 
country. 

Just  at  this  time  a  shoal  of  jolly  porpoises  came  rolling 
and  tumbling  by,  turning  up  their  sleek  sides  to  the  sun,  and 
spouting  up  the  briny  element  in  sparkling  showers.  No 
sooner  did  the  sage  Oloffe  mark  this  than  he  was  greatly 
rejoiced.  "  This,"  exclaimed  he,  "  if  I  mistake  not,  augurs 
Well — the  porpoise  is  a  fat,  well-conditioned  fish — a  burgo 
master  among  fishes — his  looks  betoken  ease,  plenty,  and 
prosperity, — I  greatly  admire  this  round  fat  fish,  and  doubt 
not  but  this  is  a  happy  omen  of  the  success  of  our  undertak 
ing."  So  saying,  he  directed  his  squadron  to  steer  in  the 
track  of  these  alderman  fishes. 

Turning,  therefore,  directly  to  the  left,  they  swept  up  the 
strait  vulgarly  called  the  East  Eiver.  And  here  the  rapid 
tide  which  courses  through  this  strait,  seizing  on  the  gallant 
tub  in  which  Commodore  Van  Kortlandt  had  embarked,  hur 
ried  it  forward  with  a  velocity  unparalleled  in  a  Dutch  boat, 
navigated  by  Dutchmen  ;  insomuch  that  the  good  commodore, 
who  had  all  his  life  long  been  accustomed  only  to  the  drowsy 
navigation  of  canals,  was  more  than  ever  convinced  that  they 
were  in  the  hands  of  some  supernatural  power,  and  that  the 
jolly  porpoises  were  towing  them  to  some  fair  haven  that  was 
to  fulfil  all  their  wishes  and  expectations. 

Thus  borne  away  by  the  resistless  current,  they  doubled 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  113 

that  boisterous  point  of  land  since  called  Corlear's  Hook,*  and 
leaving  to  the  right  the  rich  winding  cove  of  the  Wallabout, 
they  drifted  into  a  magnificent  expanse  of  water,  surrounded 
by  pleasant  shores,  whose  verdure  was  exceedingly  refreshing 
to  the  eye.  While  the  voyagers  were  looking  around  them, 
on  what  they  conceived  to  be  a  serene  and  sunny  lake,  they 
beheld  at  a  distance  a  crew  of  painted  savages,  busily  em 
ployed  in  fishing,  who  seemed  more  like  the  genii  of  this  ro 
mantic  region — their  slender  canoe  lightly  balanced  like  a 
feather  on  the  undulating  surface  of  the  bay. 

At  sight  of  these  the  hearts  of  the  heroes  of  Communipaw 
were  not  a  little  troubled.  But  as  good  fortune  would  have 
it  at  the  bow  of  the  commodore's  boat  was  stationed  a  very 
valiant  man,  named  Hendrick  Kip,  (which  being  interpreted, 
means  chicken,  a  name  given  him  in  token  of  his  courage.) 
No  sooner  did  he  behold  these  varlet  heathens  than  he  trem J 
bled  with  excessive  valor,  and  although  a  good  half  mile  dis 
tant,  he  seized  a  musketoon  that  lay  at  hand,  and  turning 
away  his  head,  fired  it  most  intrepidly  in  the  face  of  the 
blessed  sun.  The  blundering  weapon  recoiled  and  gave  the 
valiant  Kip  an  ignominious  kick,  which  laid  him  prostrate 
with  uplifted  heels  in  the  bottom  of  the  boat.  But  such  was 
the  effect  of  this  tremendous  fire,  that  the  wild  men  of  the 
woods,  struck  with  consternation,  seized  hastily  upon  their 
paddles,  and  shot  away  into  one  of  the  deep  in  lets  of  the  Long 
Island  shore. 

This  signal  victory  gave  new  spirits  to  the  voyagers,  and 
in  honor  of  the  achievement  they  gave  the  name  of  the  val- 

*  Properly  spelt  hnrck,  (i.  e.  a  point  of  land.) 


114  HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

iant  Kip  to  the  surrounding  bay,  and  it  has  continued  to  be 
called  KIP'S  BAY  from  that  time  to  the  present.  The  heart 
of  the  good  Van  Kortlandt — who,  having  no  land  of  his  own, 
was  a  great  admirer  of  other  people's — expanded  to  the  full 
size  of  a  peppercorn  at  the  sumptuous  prospect  of  rich  un 
settled  country  around  him,  and  falling  into  a  delicious  revery,. 
he  straightway  began  to  riot  in  the  possession  of  vast  mea 
dows  of  salt  marsh  and  interminable  patches  of  cabbages. 
From  this  delectable  vision  he  was  all  at  once  awakened  by 
the  sudden  turning  of  the  tide,  which  would  soon  have  hurried 
him  from  this  land  of  promise,  had  not  the  discreet  navigator 
given  signal  to  steer  for  shore  ;  where  they  accordingly  landed 
hard  by  the  rocky  heights  of  Bellevue — that  happy  retreat, 
where  our  jolly  aldermen  eat  for  the  good  of  the  city,  and 
fatten  the  turtle  that  are  sacrificed  on  civic  solemnities. 

Here,  seated  on  the  greensward,  by  the  side  of  a  small 
stream  that  ran  sparkling  among  the  grass,  they  refreshed 
themselves  after  the  toils  of  the  seas,  by  feasting  lustily  on 
the  ample  stores  which  they  had  provided  for  this  perilous 
voyage.  Thus  having  well  fortified  their  deliberative  powers, 
they  fell  into  an  earnest  consultation,  what  was  farther  to  be 
done.  Tliis  was  the  first  council  dinner  ever  eaten  at  Bellevue 
by  Christian  burghers,  and  here,  as  tradition  relates,  did  orig 
inate  the  great  family  feud  between  the  Ilardenbroecks  and 
the  Tenbroecks,  which  afterwards  had  a  singular  influence  on 
the  building  of  the  city.  The  sturdy  Hardcnbroeck,  whose 
eyes  had  been  wondrously  delighted  with  the  salt  marshes 
which  spread  their  reeking  bosoms  along  the  coast,  at  the 
bottom  of  Kip's  Bay,  counselled  by  all  means  to  return  thither, 
and  found  the  intended  city.  This  was  strenuously  opposed 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YOKK.  1  1 .") 

by  the  unbending  Ten  Broeckr  and  many  testy  arguments 
passed  between  them.  The  particulars  of  this  controversy 
have  not  reached  us,  which  is  ever  to  be  lamented ;  this 
much  is  certain,  that  the  sage  OlofFe  put  an  end  to  the  dispute, 
by  determining  to  explore  still  farther  in  the  route  which  the 
mysterious  porpoises  had  so  clearly  pointed  out — whereupon 
the  sturdy  Tough  Breeches  abandoned  the  expedition,  took 
possession  of  a  neighboring  hill,  and  in  a  fit  of  great  wrath 
peopled  all  that  tract  of  country,  which  has  continued  to  be 
inhabited  by  the  Hardenbroecks  unto  this  very  day. 

By  this  time  the  jolly  Phcebus,  like  some  wanton  urchin 
sporting  on  the  side  of  a  green  hill,  began  to  roll  down  the 
declivity  of  the  heavens  ;  and  now,  the  tide  having  once  more 
turned  in  their  favor,  the  Pavonians  again  committed  them 
selves  to  its  discretion  and  coasting  along  the  western  shores, 
were  borne  towards  the  straits  of  Blackwell's  Island. 

And  here  the  capricious  wanderings  of  the  current  occa 
sioned  not  a  little  marvel  and  perplexity  to  these  illustrious 
mariners.  Now  would  they  be  caught  by  the  wanton  ed 
dies,  and,  sweeping  round  a  jutting  point,  would  wind  deep 
into  some  romantic  little  cove,  that  indented  the  fair  island 
of  Manna  hatta  ;  now  were  they  hurried  narrowly  by  the  very 
bases  of  impending  rocks,  mantled  with  the  flaunting  grape 
vine,  and  crowned  with  groves  which  threw  a  broad  shade  on 
the  waves  beneath  ;  and  anon  they  were  borne  away  into  the 
mid-channel  and  wafted  along  with  a  rapidity  that  very  much 
discomposed  the  sage  Van  Kortlandt,  who  as  he  saw  the  land 
swiftly  receding  on  either  side,  began  exceedingly  to  doubt 
that  terra  firma  was  giving  them  the  slip. 

Wherever  the  voyagers  turned  their  eyes,  a  new  creation 


116  HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

seemed  to  bloom  around.  No  signs  of  human  thrift  appear 
ed  to  check  the  delicious  wildness  of  nature,  who  here  revel 
led  in  all  her  luxuriant  variety.  Those  hills,  now  bristled,  like 
the  fretful  porcupine,  with  rows  of  poplars,  (vain  upstart 
plants !  minions  of  wealth  and  fashion !)  were  then  adorned 
with  the  vigorous  natives  of  the  soil ;  the  lordly  oak,  the  gen-, 
erous  chestnut,  the  graceful  elm — while  here  and  there  the 
tulip  tree  reared  its  majestic  head,  the  giant  of  the  forest. 
Where  now  are  seen  the  gay  retreats  of  luxury — villas  half 
buried  in  twilight  bowers,  whence  the  amorous  flute  oft 
breathes  the  sighings  of  some  city  swain — there  the  fish-hawk 
built  his  solitary  nest,  on  some  dry  tree  that  overlooked  his 
watery  domain.  The  timid  deer  fed  undisturbed  along  those 
shores  now  hallowed  by  the  lovers'  moonlight  walk,  and  print 
ed  by  the  slender  foot  of  beauty ;  and  a  savage  solitude  ex 
tended  over  those  happy  regions,  where  now  are  reared  the 
stately  towers  of  the  Joneses,  the  Schermerhornes,  and  the 
Rhinelanders. 

Thus  gliding  in  silent  wonder  through  these  new  and  un 
known  scenes,  the  gallant  squadron  of  Pavonia  swept  by  the 
foot  of  a  promontory,  which  strutted  forth  boldly  into  the 
waves,  and  seemed  to  frown  upon  them  as  they  brawled 
against  its  base.  This  is  the  bluff  \vell  known  to  modern 
mariners  by  the  name  of  Grade's  point,  from  the  fair  castle 
which,  like  an  elephant,  it  carries  upon  its  back.  And  here 
broke  upon  their  view  a  wild  and  varied  prospect,  where  land 
and  water  were  beauteously  intermingled,  as  though  they  had 
combined  to  heighten  and  set  off  each  other's  charms.  To 
the  right  lay  the  sedgy  point  of  Blackwell's  Island,  drest  in 
the  fresh  garniture  of  living  green — beyond  it  stretched  the 


HISTORY"    OF    NEW    YORK.  117 

pleasant  coast  of  Sundswick,  and  the  small  harbor  well  known 
by  the  name  of  Ilallet's  Cove — a  place  infamous  in  latter 
days,  by  reason  of  its  being  the  haunt  of  pirates  who  infest 
these  seas,  robbing  orchards  and  watermelon  patches,  and  in 
sulting  gentlemen  navigators,  when  voyaging  in  their  pleasure 
boats.  To  the  left  a  deep  bay,  or  rather  creek,  gracefully  re 
ceded  between  shores  fringed  with  forests,  and  forming  a  kind 
of  vista,  through  which  were  beheld  the  silvan  regions  of 
Haerlem,  Morrisania,  and  East  Chester.  Here  the  eye  re 
posed  with  delight  on  a  richly  wooded  country,  diversified  by 
tufted  knolls,  shadowy  intervals,  and  waving  lines  of  upland, 
swelling  above  each  other ;  while  over  the  whole,  the  purple 
mists  of  spring  diffused  a  hue  of  soft  voluptuousness. 

Just  before  them  the  grand  course  of  the  stream,  making 
a  sudden  bend,  wound  among  embowered  promontories  and 
shores  of  emerald  verdure,  that  seemed  to  melt  into  the  wave. 
A  character  of  gentleness  and  mild  fertility  prevailed  around. 
The  sun  had  just  descended,  and  the  thin  haze  of  twilight,  like 
a  transparent  veil  drawn  over  the  bosom  of  virgin  beauty, 
heightened  the  charms  which  it  half  concealed. 

Ah  !  witching  scenes  of  foul  delusion.  Ah  !  hapless  voy 
agers,  gazing  with  simple  wonder  on  these  Circean  shores ! 
Such,  alas !  are  they,  poor  easy  souls,  who  listen  to  the  seduc 
tions  of  a  wicked  world — treacherous  are  its  smiles  !  fatal  its 
caresses.  He  who  yields  to  its  enticements  launches  upon  a 
whelming  tide,  and  trusts  his  feeble  bark  among  the  dimpling 
eddies  of  a  whirlpool !  And  thus  it  fared  with  the  worthies 
of  Pavonia,  who,  little  mistrusting  the  guileful  scene  before 
them,  drifted  quietly  on,  until  they  were  aroused  by  an  un 
common  tossing  and  agitation  of  their  vessels.  For  now 


118  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

the  late  dimpling  current  began  to  brawl  around  them,  and 
the  waves  to  boil  and  foam  with  horrific  fury.  Awakened  as 
if  from  a  dream,  the  astonished  Oloffe  bawled  aloud  to  put 
about,  but  his  words  were  lost  amid  the  roaring  of  the  waters. 
And  now  ensued  a  scene  of  direful  consternation.  At  one 
time  they  were  borne  with  dreadful  velocity  among  tumultu 
ous  breakers ;  at  another,  hurried  down  boisterous  rapids. 
Now  they  were  nearly  dashed  upon  the  lien  and  Chickens ; 
(infamous  rocks !  —  more  voracious  than  Scylla  and  her 
whelps ;)  and  anon  they  seemed  sinking  into  yawning  gulfs, 
that  threatened  to  entomb  them  beneath  the  waves.  All  the 
elements  combined  to  produce  a  hideous  confusion.  The 
waters  raged,  the  winds  howled — and  as  they  were  hurried 
along,  several  of  the  astonished  mariners  beheld  the  rocks 
and  trees  of  the  neighboring  shores  driving  through  the 
air  ! 

At  length  the  mighty  tub  of  Commodore  Van  Kortlandt 
was  drawn  into  the  vortex  of  that  tremendous  whirlpool  called 
the  Pot,  where  it  was  whirled  about  in  giddy  mazes,  until  the 
senses  of  the  good  commander  and  his  crew  were  overpowered 
by  the  horror  of  the  scene,  and  the  strangeness  of  the  revolu 
tion. 

How  the  gallant  squadron  of  Pavonia  was  snatched  from 
the  jaws  of  this  modern  Chary bdis,  has  never  been  truly  made 
known,  for  so  many  survived  to  tell  the  tale,  and,  what  is  still 
more  wonderful,  told  it  in  so  many  different  ways,  that 
there  has  ever  prevailed  a  great  variety  of  opinions  on  the 
subject. 

As  to  the  commodore  and  his  crew,  when  they  came  to 
their  senses  they  found  themselves  stranded  on  the  Long  Isl- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

and  shore.  The  worthy  commodore,  indeed,  used  to  relate 
many  and  wonderful  stories  of  his  adventures  in  this  time  of 
peril ;  how  that  he  saw  spectres  flying  in  the  air,  and  heard 
the  yelling  of  hobgoblins,  and  put  his  hand  into  the  pot  when 
they  were  whirled  round,  and  found  the  water  scalding  hot, 
and  beheld  several  uncouth  looking  beings  seated  on  rocks  and 
skimming  it  with  huge  ladles — but  particularly  he  declared  with 
great  exultation,  that  he  saw  the  losel  porpoises,  which  had 
betrayed  them  into  this  peril,  some  broiling  on  the  Gridiron 
and  others  hissing  on  the  Frying-pan  ! 

These,  however,  were  considered  by  many  as  mere  fan 
tasies  of  the  commodore,  while  he  lay  in  a  trance ;  especially 
as  he  was  known  to  be  given  to  dreaming  ;  and  the  truth  of 
them  has  never  been  clearly  ascertained.  It  is  certain,  how 
ever,  that  to  the  accounts  of  Oloffe  and  his  followers  may  be 
traced  the  various  traditions  handed  down  of  this  marvellous 
strait — as  how  the  devil  has  been  seen  there,  sitting  astride  of 
the  Hog's  Back  and  playing  on  the  fiddle — how  he  broils  fish 
there  before  a  storm ;  and  many  other  stories,  in  which  we 
must  be  cautious  of  putting  too  much  faith.  In  consequence 
of  all  these  terrific  circumstances,  the  Pavonian.  commander 
gave  this  pass  the  name  of  Jfelle-gat,  or  as  it  has  been  inter 
preted,  Hell-  Gate  ;*  which  it  continues  to  bear  at  the  pres 
ent  day. 

*  This  is  a  narrow  strait  in  the  Sound,  at  the  distance  of  six  miles 
above  New  York.  It  is  dangerous  to  shipping,  unless  under  the  care  of 
skilful  pilots,  by  reason  of  numerous  rocks,  shelves,  and  whirlpools. 
These  have  received  sundry  appellations,  such  as  the  Gridiron,  Frying- 
pan,  Hog's  Back,  Pot,  &c.,  and  are  very  violent  and  turbulent  at  certain 
times  of  tide.  Certain  mealy-mouthed  men,  of  squeamish  consciences, 
who  are  loth  to  give  the  Devil  his  due,  have  softened  the  above  charuc- 


120 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 


teristic  name  into  JTurl-gnte,  forsooth  !  Let  those  take  care  how  they 
venture  into  the  Gate,  or  they  may  be  hurled  into  the  Pot  before  they 
are  aware  of  it.  The  name  of  this  strait,  as  given  by  our  author,  is 
supported  by  the  map  in  Vander  Donck's  history,  published  in  1650 — by 
Ogilvie's  History  of  America,  1671 — as  also  by  a  journal  still  extant, 
written  in  the  16th  century,  and  to  be  found  in  Hazard's  State  Papers. 
And  an  old  MS.  written  in  French,  speaking  of  various  alterations  in 
names  about  this  city,  observes,  "  Do  Hclle-gat,  trou  d'Eufer,  ils  out  fait 
Hell-gate,  Porte  d'Enfer." 


CHAPTER  Y. 

IIO\V    THE     IIKROES     OP     COMMUNIPAW    RETURNED     SOMEWHAT    WISER     THAN 

THEY     WENT AND     HOW    THE    SAGE    OLOFFE    DREAMED    A    DREAM AND 

THE    DREAM    THAT    HE    DREAMED. 

THE  darkness  of  night  had  closed  upon  this  disastrous  day, 
and  a  doleful  night  was  it  to  the  shipwrecked  Pavonians, 
whose  ears  were  incessantly  assailed  with  the  raging  of  the 
elements,  and  the  howling  of  the  hobgoblins  that  infested  this 
perfidious  strait.  But  when  the  morning  dawned,  the  horrors 
of  the  preceding  evening  had  passed  away,  rapids,  breakers, 
and  whirlpools  had  disappeared,  the  stream  again  ran  smooth 
and  dimpling,  and  having  changed  its  tide,  rolled  gently  back, 
towards  the  quarter  where  lay  their  much  regretted  home. 

The  wo-begone  heroes  of  Communipaw  eyed  each  other 
with  rueful  countenances  ;  their  squadron  had  been  totally  dis 
persed  by  the  late  disaster.  Some  were  cast  upon  the  western 
shore,  where,  headed  by  one  Ruleflf  Hopper,  they  took  pos 
session  of  all  the  country  lying  about  the  six  mile  stone ; 
which  is  held  by  the  Hoppers  at  this  present  writing. 

The  Waldrons  were  driven  by  stress  of  weather  to  a  dis 
tant  coast,  where,  having  with  them  a  jug  of  genuine  Hollands, 

they  were  enabled  to  conciliate  the  savages,  setting  up  a  kind 
6 


122  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

of  tavern ;  whence,  it  is  said,  did  spring  the  fair  town  of 
Haerlcm,  in  which  their  descendants  have  ever  since  continued 
to  be  reputable  publicans.  As  to  the  Suydams,  they  were 
thrown  upon  the  Long  Island  coast,  and  may  still  be  found  in 
those  parts.  But  the  most  singular  luck  attended  the  great 
Ten  Broeck,  who,  falling  overboard,  was  miraculously  pre^ 
served  from  sinking  by  the  multitude  of  his  nether  garments. 
Thus  buoyed  up,  he  floated  on  the  waves  like  a  merman,  or 
like  an  angler's  dobber,  until  he  landed  safely  on  a  rock,  where 
he  was  found  the  next  morning  busily  drying  his  many 
breeches  in  the  sunshine. 

I  forbear  to  treat  of  the  long  consultation  of  OlofFe  with 
his  remaining  followers,  in  which  they  determined  that  it 
would  never  do  to  found  a  city  in  so  diabolical  a  neighborhood. 
Suffice  it  in  simple  brevity  to  say  that  they  once  more  com 
mitted  themselves,  with  fear  and  trembling,  to  the  briny  ele 
ments,  and  steered  their  course  back  again  through  the  scenes 
of  their  yesterday's  voyage,  determined  no  longer  to  roam  in 
search  of  distant  sites,  but  to  settle  themselves  down  in  the 
marshy  regions  of  Pavonia. 

Scarce,  however,  had  they  gained  a  distant  view  of  Corn- 
munipaw  when  they  were  encountered  by  an  obstinate  eddy 
which  opposed  their  homeward  voyage.  Weary  and  dispirit 
ed  as  they  were,  they  yet  tugged  a  feeble  oar  against  the 
stream  ;  until,  as  if  to  settle  the  strife,  half  a  score  of  potent 
billows  rolled  the  tub  of  Commodore  Van  Kortlandt  high  and 
dry  on  the  long  point  of  an  island  which  divided  the  bosom 
of  the  bay. 

Some  pretend  that  these  billows  were  sent  by  old  Neptune 
to  strand  the  expedition  on  a  spot  whereon  was  to  be  founded 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOI'.K. 

• 

his  strong-hold  in  this  western  world  :  others  more  pious,  at 
tribute  every  thing  to  the  guardianship  of  the  good  St. 
Nicholas ;  and  after  events  will  be  found  to  corroborate  this 
opinion.  Olofle  Van  Kortlandt  was  a  dev  >ut  trencherman. 
Every  repast  was  a  kind  of  religious  rite  w^th  him  ;  and  his 
first  thought  on  finding  him  once  more  on  dry  ground,  was 
how  he  should  contrive  to  celebrate  his  wonderful  escape  from 
Hell-gate  and  all  its  horrors  by  a  solemn  banquet.  The  stores 
which  had  been  provided  for  the  voyage  by  the  good  house 
wives  of  Coinmunipaw  were  nearly  exhausted,  but,  in  casting 
his  eyes  about,  the  commodore  beheld  that  the  shore  abounded 
with  oysters.  A  great  store  of  these  was  instantly  collected  ; 
a  fire  was  made  at  the  foot  of  a  tree  ;  all  hands  fell  to  roast 
ing  and  broiling  and  stewing  and  frying,  and  a  sumptuous  re 
past  was  soon  set  forth.  This  is  thought  to  be  the  origin  of 
those  civic  feasts  with  which,  to  the  present  day,  all  our  pub 
lic  affairs  arc  celebrated,  and  in  which  the  oyster  is  ever  sure 
to  play  an  important  part. 

On  the  present  occasion  the  worthy  Van  Kortlandt  was 
observed  to  be  particularly  zealous  in  his  devotions  to  the 
trencher ;  for  having  the  cares  of  the  expedition  especially 
committed  to  his  care,  he  deemed  it  incumbent  on  him  to  eat 
profoundly  for  the  public  good.  In  proportion  as  he  filled 
himself  to  the  very  brim  with  the  dainty  viands  before  him, 
did  the  heart  of  this  excellent  burgher  rise  up  towards  his 
throat,  until  he  seemed  crammed  and  almost  choked  with 
good  eating  and  good  nature.  And  at  such  times  it  is,  when 
a  man's  heart  is  in  his  throat,  that  he  may  more  truly  be 
said  to  speak  from  it,  and  his  speeches  abound  with  kind 
ness  and  good  fellowship.  Thus  having  swallowed  the  last 


124:  HIOTOBY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

• 

possible  morsel,  an<4  washed  it  down  with  a  fervent  potation, 
Oloffe  felt  his  hea^t  yearning,  and  his  whole  frame  in  a  man 
ner  dilating  with  -unbounded  benevolence.  Every  thing  around 
him  seemed  excel  Brit  and  delightful ;  and  laying  his  hands  on 
each  side  of  his  capacious  periphery,  and  rolling  his  half- 
closed  eyes  around  on  the  beautiful  diversity  of  land  and 
water  before  him,  he  exclaimed,  in  a  fat  half-smothered  voice, 
"  AVhat  a  charming  prospect !  "  The  words  died  away  in  his 
throat — he  seemed  to  ponder  on  the  fair  scene  for  a  moment 
— his  eyelids  heavily  closed  over  their  orbs — his  head  drooped 
upon  his  bosom — he  slowly  sank  upon  the  green  turf,  and  a 
deep  sleep  stole  gradually  over  him. 

And  the  sage  OlofTe  dreamed  a  dream — and  lo,  the  good 
St.  Nicholas  came  riding  over  the  tops  of  the  trees,  in  that 
self-same  wagon  wherein  he  brings  his  yearly  presents  to 
children,  and  he  descended  hard  by  where  the  heroes  of  Com- 
munipaw  had  made  their  late  repast.  And  he  lit  his  pipe  by 
the  fire,  and  sat  himself  down  and  smoked  ;  and  as  he  smoked 
the  smoke  from  his  pipe  ascended  into  the  air  and  spread  like 
a  cloud  overhead.  And  Olofle  bethought  him  and  he  hasten 
ed  and  climbed  up  to  the  top  of  one  of  the  tallest  trees,  and 
saw  that  the  smoke  spread  over  a  great  extent  of  country — 
and  as  he  considered  it  more  attentively,  he  fancied  that  the 
great  volume  of  smoke  assumed  a  variety  of  marvellous  forms, 
where  in  dim  obscurity  he  saw  shadowed  out  palaces  and 
domes  and  lofty  spires,  all  of  which  lasted  but  a  moment,  and 
then  faded  away,  until  the  whole  rolled  off,  and  nothing  but 
the  green  woods  were  left.  And  when  St.  Nicholas  had 
smoked  his  pipe,  he  twisted  it  in  his  hat-band,  and  laying  his 
finger  beside  his  nose,  gave  the  astonished  Van  Kortlandt  a 


IIISTOKY    OF    JN'EW    YORK.  125 

very  significant  look,  then  mounting  his  wagon  he  returned 
over  the  tree-tops  and  disappeared. 

And  Van  Kortlandt  awoke  from  his  sleep  greatly  instructed, 
and  he  aroused  his  companions,  and  related  to  them  his  dream, 
and  interpreted  it,  that  it  was  the  will  of  St.  Nicholas  that 
they  should  settle  down  and  build  the  city  here.  And  that 
the  smoke  of  the  pipe  was  a  type  how  vast  would  be  the  ex 
tent  of  the  city  ;  inasmuch  as  the  volumes  of  its  smoke  would 
spread  over  a  wide  extent  of  country.  And  they  all  with  one 
voice  assented  to  this  interpretation  excepting  Mynheer  Ten 
Brocck,  who  declared  the  meaning  to  be  that  it  would  be  a  city 
wherein  a  little  fire  would  occasion  a  great  smoke,  or  in  other 
words,  a  very  vaporing  little  city — both  which  interpretations 
have  strangely  come  to  pass  ! 

The  great  object  of  their  perilous  expedition,  therefore, 
being  thus  happily  accomplished,  the  voyagers  returned  merri 
ly  to  Communipaw,  where  they  were  received  with  great  re 
joicings.  And  here  calling  a  general  meeting  of  all  the  wise 
men  and  the  dignitaries  of  Pavonia,  they  related  the  whole 
history  of  their  voyage,  and  of  the  dream  of  Oloflfe  Van 
Kortlandt.  And  the  people  lifted  up  their  voices  and  blessed 
the  good  St.  Nicholas,  and  from  that  time  forth  the  sage  Van 
Kortlandt  was  held  in  more  honor  than  ever,  for  his  great  tal 
ent  at  dreaming,  and  was  pronounced  a  most  useful  citizen  and 
a  right  good  man — when  he  was  asleep. 


CHAPTEE  VI. 


CONTAINING   AN    ATTEMPT    AT    KTVMOLOGV  -  AM)    OF   THE    FOUNTING    OF   TUK 
GREAT    CITY    OF    NEW   AMSTERDAM. 


original  name  of  the,  island  whereon  the  squadron  of 
Communipaw  was  thus  propitiously  thrown,  is  a  matter 
of  some  dispute,  and  has  already  undergone  considerable  vitia 
tion  —  a  melancholy  proof  of  the  instability  of  all  sublunary 
things,  and  the  vanity  of  all  our  hopes  of  lasting  fame;  for 
who  can  expect  his  name  will  live  to  posterity,  when  even  the 
names  of  mighty  islands  are  thus  soon  lost  in  contradiction  and 
uncertainty  ! 

The  name  most  current  at  the  present  day,  and  which  is 
likewise  countenanced  by  the  great  historian  Vander  Donck, 
is  MANHATTAN;  which  is  said  to  have  originated  in  a  custom 
among  the  squaws,  in  the  early  settlement,  of  wearing  men's 
hats,  as  is  still  done  among  many  tribes.  "  Hence,"  as  we 
are  told  by  an  old  governor  who  was  somewhat  of  a  wag,  and 
flourished  almost  a  century  since,  and  had  paid  a  visit  to  the 
wits  of  Philadelphia,  —  "  hence  arose;  the  appellation  of  man-hat- 
on,  first  given  to  the  Indians,  and  afterwards  to  the  island  "  —  a 
stupid  joke  !  —  but  well  enough  for  a  governor. 

Among  the  more  venerable  sources  of  information  on  this 


1IISTOKY    OF    KKW    YORK.  127 

subject,  is  tliat  valuable  history  of  the  American  possessions 
written  by  Master  Richard  Blomc,  in  1087,  -wherein  it  is 
called  Manhadaes  and  Manahanent ;  nor  must  I  forget  the 
excellent  little  book,  full  of  jftccious  matter,  of  that  authentic 
historian,  John  Josselyn,  Gent.,  who  expressly  calls  it  Mana- 
daes. 

Another  etymology  still  more  ancient,  and  sanctioned  by 
the  countenance  of  our  ever  to  be  lamented  Dutch  ancestors, 
is  that  found  in  certain  letters  still  extant ;  *  which  passed 
between  the  early  governors  and  their  neighboring  powers, 
wherein  it  is  called  indifferently  Monhattoes — Munhatos,  and 
Manhattoes,  which  are  evidently  unimportant  variations  of 
the  same  name  ;  for  our  wise  forefathers  set  little  store  by 
those  niceties  either  in  orthography  or  orthoepy,  which  form 
the  sole  study  and  ambition  of  many  learned  men  and  women 
of  this  hypercritical  age.  This  last  name  is  said  to  be  derived 
from  the  great  Indian  spirit  Manetho  ;  who  was  supposed  to 
make  this  island  his  favorite  abode,  on  account  of  its  uncom 
mon  delights.  Tor  the  Indian  traditions  affirm  that  the  bay 
was  once  a  translucid  lake,  filled  with  silver  and  golden  fisl-, 
in  the  midst  of  which  lay  this  beautiful  island,  covered  with 
every  variety  of  fruits  and  flowers  ;  but  that  the  sudden  irrup 
tion  of  the  Hudson  laid  waste  these  blissful  scenes,  and  Manc- 
Iho  took  his  flight  beyond  the  great  waters  of  Ontario. 

These,  however,  arc  very  fabulous  legends,  to  which  very 
cautious  credence  must  be  given  ;  and  though  I  am  willing  to 
admit  the  last  quoted  orthography  of  the  name  as  very  fit  for 
prose,  yet  is  there  another  which  I  peculiarly  delight  in,  as  at 
once  poetical,  melodious,  and  significant — and  which  we  have 

*  Vide  Hazard's  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


^  HISTORY    OF    NKW     YORK. 

on  the  authority  of  master  Juet ;  who,  in  his  account  of  the 
voyage  of  the  great  Hudson,  calls  this  MANNA-IIATA — that  is 
to  say,  the  island  of  manna — or,  in  other  words,  a  land  flowing 
with  milk  and  honey. 

Still  my  deference  to  the  learned  obliges  me  to  notice  the 
opinion  of  the  worthy  Dominie  Heckwelder,  which  ascribes 
the  name  to  a  great  drunken  bout  held  on  the  island  by  the 
Dutch  discoverers,  whereat  they  made  certain  of  the  natives 
most  ecstatically  drunk  for  the  first  time  in  their  lives ;  who, 
being  delighted  with  their  jovial  entertainment  gave  the  place 
the  name  of  Mannahattanink ;  that  is  to  say,  The  Island  of 
Jolly  Topers  :  a  name  which  it  continues  to  merit  to  the  pres 
ent  day.* 

*  MSS.  of  the  Rev.  John  Heckwelder,  in  the  archives  of  the  New 
York  Historical  Society. 


CHAPTER  YI1. 

HOW    THE     PEOPLE     OF     PAVOMA     MIGRATED     FROM     COMMUNIPAW    TO    THE 

ISLAND     OF     MANNA-HATA AND    HOW    OLOFFE     THE     DREAMER     PROVED 

HIMSELF  A    GREAT    LAND    SPECULATOR. 

IT  having  been  solemnly  resolved  that  the  seat  of  empire 
should  be  removed  from  the  green  shores  of  Pavonia  to 
the  pleasant  island  of  Mannahata,  everybody  was  anxious  to 
embark  under  the  standard  of  OlofFe  the  Dreamer,  and  to  be 
among  the  first  sharers  of  the  promised  land.  A  day  was 
appointed  for  the  grand  migration,  and  on  that  day  little  Com- 
munipaw  was  in  a  buzz  and  a  bustle  like  a  hive  in  swarming 
time.  Houses  were  turned  inside  out  and  stripped  of  the 
venerable  furniture  which  had  come  from  Holland ;  all  the 
community,  great  and  small,  black  and  white,  man,  woman, 
and  child,  was  in  commotion,  forming  lines  from  the  houses  to 
the  water  side,  like  lines  of  ants  from  an  ant-hill ;  everybody 
laden  with  some  article  of  household  furniture ;  while  busy 
housewives  plied  backwards  and  forwards  along  the  lines, 
helping  every  thing  forward  by  the  nimbleness  of  their 
tongues. 

By  degrees  a  fleet  of  boats  and  canoes  were  piled  up  with 
all  kinds  of  household  articles :   ponderous  tables ;  chests  of 
G* 


130  IIlSTOliY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

drawers  resplendent  with  brass  ornaments ;  quaint  corner 
cupboards  ;  beds  and  bedsteads  ;  with  any  quantity  of  pots, 
kettles,  frying-pans,  and  Dutch  ovens.  In  each  boat  embarked 
a  whole  family,  from  the  robustious  burgher  down  to  the  cats 
and  dogs  and  little  negroes.  In  this  way  they  set  off  across 
the  mouth  of  the  Hudson,  under  the  guidance  of  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer,  who  hoisted  his  standard  on  the  leading  boat. 

This  memorable  migration  took  place  on  the  first  of  May, 
and  was  long  cited  in  tradition  as  the  grand  moving.  The 
anniversary  of  it  was  piously  observed  among  the  "  sons  of 
the  pilgrims  of  Communipaw,"  by  turning  their  houses  topsy 
turvy  and  carrying  all  the  furniture  through  the  streets,  in 
emblem  of  the  swarming  of  the  parent  hive ;  and  this  is  the 
real  origin  of  the  universal  agitation  and  "  moving "'  by  which 
this  most  restless  of  cities  is  literally  turned  out  of  doors  on 
every  May  day. 

As  the  little  squadron  from  Communipaw  drew  near  to 
the  shores  of  Manna-hata,  a  sachem,  at  the  head  of  a  band  of 
warriors,  appeared  to  oppose  their  landing.  Some  of  the 
most  zealous  of  the  pilgrims  were  for  chastising  this  insolence 
with  powTder  and  ball,  according  to  the  approved  mode  of  dis 
coverers  ;  but  the  sage  OlofTe  gave  them  the  significant  sign 
of  St.  Nicholas,  laying  his  finger  beside  his  nose  and  winking 
hard  with  one  eye ;  whereupon  his  followers  perceived  that 
there  was  something  sagacious  in  the  wind.  He  now  ad 
dressed  the  Indians  in  the  blandest  terms  ;  and  made  such 
tempting  display  of  beads,  hawks'-bells,  and  red  blankets,  that 
he  was  soon  permitted  to  land,  and  a  great  land  speculation 
ensued.  And  here  let  me  give  the  true  story  of  the  original 
purchase  of  the  site  of  this  renowned  city,  about  which  so 


IIISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  131 

much  has  been  said  and  written.  Some  affirm  that  the  first 
cost  was  but  sixty  guilders.  The  learned  Dominie  Heck- 
welder  records  a  tradition*  that  the  Dutch  discoverers  bar 
gained  for  only  so  much  land  as  the  hide  of  a  bullock  would 
cover  ;  but  that  they  cut  the  hide  in  strips  no  thicker  than  a 
child's  finger,  so  as  to  take  in  a  large  portion  of  land,  and  to 
take  in  the  Indians  into  the  bargain.  This,  however,  is  an  old 
fable  which  the  worthy  Dominie  may  have  borrowed  from 
antiquity.  The  true  version  is,  that  OlofFe  Van  Kortlandt 
bargained  for  just  so  much  land  as  a  man  could  cover  with 
his  nether  garments.  The  terms  being  concluded,  he  produced 
his  friend  Mynheer  Ten  Broeck,  as  the  man  whose  breeches 
were  to  be  used  in  measurement.  The  simple  savages,  whose 
ideas  of  a  man's  nether  garments  had  never  expanded  beyond 
the  dimensions  of  a  breech  clout,  stared  with  astonishment  and 
dismay  as  they  beheld  this  bulbous-bottomed  burgher  peeled 
like  an  onion,  and  breeches  after  breeches  spread  forth  over 
the  land  until  they  covered  the  actual  site  of  this  venerable 
city. 

This  is  the  true  history  of  the  adroit  bargain  by  which  the 
island  of  Manhattan  was  bought  for  sixty  guilders ;  and  in 
corroboration  of  it  I  will  add,  that  Mynheer  Ten  Breeches,  for 
his  services  on  this  memorable  occasion,  was  elevated  to  the 
office  of  land  measurer ;  which  he  ever  afterwards  exercised 
in  the  colony. 

*  MSS.  of  the  Rev.  John  Heckwelder ;  New  York  Historical  Society. 


CIIAPTEE  Yin. 

OF  THE  FOUNDING  AND  NAMING  OF  THE  NEW  CITY  ;  OF  THE  CITY  ARMS  ; 
AND  OF  THE  DIREFUL  FEUD  BETWEEN  TEN  BREECHES  AND  TOUGH 
BREECHKS. 

THE  land  being  thus  fairly  purchased  of  the  Indians,  a  cir 
cumstance  very  unusual  in  the  history  of  colonization,  and 
strongly  illustrative  of  the  honesty  of  our  Dutch  progenitors, 
a  stockade  fort  and  trading  house  were  forthwith  erected  on 
an  eminence  in  front  of  the  place  where  the  good  St.  Nicholas 
had  appeared  in  a  vision  to  OlofFe  the  Dreamer,  and  which, 
as  has  already  been  observed,  was  the  identical  place  at  pres 
ent  known  as  the  Bowling  Green. 

Around  this  fort  a  progeny  of  little  Dutch-built  houses, 
with  tiled  roofs  and  weathercocks,  soon  sprang  up,  nestling 
themselves  under  its  walls  for  protection,  as  a  brood  of  half- 
fledged  chickens  nestle  under  the  wings  of  the  mother  hen. 
The  whole  was  surrounded  by  an  enclosure  of  strong  pali- 
sadoes,  to  guard  against  any  sudden  irruption  of  the  savages. 
Outside  of  these  extended  the  corn-fields  and  cabbage-gardens 
of  the  community  ;  with  here  and  there  an  attempt  at  a  to 
bacco  plantation  ;  all  covering  those  tracts  of  country  at  pres 
ent  called  Broadway,  Wall  street,  William  street,  and  Pearl 
street. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK.  133 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  in  portioning  out  the 
land,  a  goodly  "  bowerie  "  or  farm  was  allotted  to  the  sage 
Oloffe  in  consideration  of  the  service  he  had  rendered  to  the 
public  by  his  talent  at  dreaming  ;  and  the  site  of  his  "  bow- 
erie  is  known  by  the  name  of  Kortlandt  (or  Cortlandt)  street 
to  the  present  day. 

And  now  the  infant  settlement  having  advanced  in  age  and 
stature,  it  was  thought  high  time  it  should  receive  an  honest 
Christian  name.  Hitherto  it  had  gone  by  the  original  Indian 
name  Manna-hata,  or  as  some  will  have  it,  "  The  Manhattoes ;  " 
but  this  was  now  decried  as  savage  and  heathenish,  and  as 
tending  to  keep  up  the  memory  of  the  pagan  brood  that  orig 
inally  possessed  it.  Many  were  the  consultations  held  upon 
the  subject,  without  coming  to  a  conclusion,  for  though  every 
body  condemned  the  old  name,  nobody  could  invent  a  new 
one.  At  length,  when  the  council  was  almost  in  despair,  a 
burgher,  remarkable  for  the  size  and  squareness  of  his  head, 
proposed  that  they  should  call  it  New  Amsterdam.  The 
proposition  took  everybody  by  surprise ;  it  was  so  striking, 
so  apposite,  so  ingenious.  The  name  was  adopted  by  accla 
mation,  and  New  Amsterdam  the  metropolis  was  thenceforth 
called.  Still,  however,  the  early  authors  of  the  province  con 
tinued  to  call  it  by  the  general  appellation  of  "  The  Manhat 
toes,"  and  the  poets  fondly  clung  to  the  euphonious  name  of 
At anna-hata ;  but  those  are  a  kind  of  folk  whose  tastes  and 
notions  should  go  for  nothing  in  matters  of  this  kind. 

Having  thus  provided  the  embryo  city  with  a  name,  the 
next  was  to  give  it  an  armorial  bearing  or  device,  as  some 
cities  have  a  rampant  lion,  others  a  soaring  eagle  ;  emblemat 
ical,  no  doubt,  of  the  valiant  and  highflying  qualities  of  the. 


HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 

inhabitants  :  so  after  mature  deliberation  a  sleek  beaver  was 
emblazoned  on  the  city  standard  as  indicative  of  the  amphib 
ious  origin,  and  patient,  persevering  habits  of  the  New  Amster- 
dammers. 

-The  thriving  state  of  the  settlement  and  the  rapid  increase 
of  houses  soon  made  it  necessary  to  arrange  some  plan  upon 
which  the  city  should  be  built ;  but  at  the  very  first  consulta 
tion  held  on  the  subject,  a  violent  discussion  arose ;  and  I 
mention  it  with  much  sorrowing  as  being  the  first  altercation 
on  record  in  the  councils  of  New  Amsterdam.  It  was,  in  fact, 
a  breaking  forth  of  the  grudge  and  heart-burning  that  had  ex 
isted  between  those  two  eminent  burghers,  Mynheers  Ten- 
broeck,  and  llardenbroeck,  ever  since  their  unhappy  dispute 
on  the  coast  of  Bellevue.  The  great  Hardenbroeck  had  waxed 
very  wealthy  and  powerful,  from  his  domains,  which  embrace^ 
the  whole  chain  of  Apulean  mountains  that  stretched  along  the 
gulf  of  Kip's  Bay,  and  from  part  of  which  his  descendants  have 
been  expelled  in  latter  ages  by  the  powerful  clans  of  the 
Joneses  and  the  Scherrnerhornes. 

An  ingenious  plan  for  the  city  was  offered  by  Mynheer 
Ilardenbroeck,  who  proposed  that  it  should  be  cut  up  and 
intersected  by  canals,  after  the  manner  of  the  most  admired 
cities  in  Holland.  To  this  Mynheer  Tenbroeck  was  diamet 
rically  opposed,  suggesting  in  place  thereof,  that  they  should 
run  out  docks  and  wharves,  by  means  of  piles  driven  into  the 
bottom  of  the  river,  on  which  the  town  should  be  built.  "By 
these  means,"  said  he,  triumphantly,  "  shall  we  rescue  a  con 
siderable  space  of  territory  from  these  immense  rivers,  and 
build  a  city  that  shall  rival  Amsterdam,  Venice,  or  any  am 
pliibious  city  in  Europe,"  To  this  proposition,  Hardenbroeck 


HISTORY   OF   NEW   YOKK.  135 

(or  Tough  Breeches)  replied,  with  a  look  of  as  much  scorn  as 
he  could  possibly  assume.  lie  cast  the  utmost  censure  upon 
the  plan  of  his  antagonist,  as  being  preposterous  and  against 
the  very  order  of  things,  as  he  would  leave  to  every  true 
Hollander.  <:  For  what,"  said  he,  "  is  a  town  without  canals  ? 
— it  is  like  a  body  without  veins  and  arteries,  and  must  per 
ish  for  want  of  a  free  circulation  of  the  vital  fluid."  Ten 
Breeches,  on  the  contrary,  retorted  with  a  sarcasm  upon  his 
antagonist,  who  was  somewhat  of  an  arid,  dry -boned  habit ; 
he  remarked,  that  as  to  the  circulation  of  the  blood  being 
necessary  to  existence,  Mynheer  Tough  Breeches  was  a  living 
contradiction  to  his  own  assertion  ;  for  everybody  knew  there 
had  not  a  drop  of  blood  circulated  through  his  wind-dried  car 
case  for  good  ten  years,  and  yet  there  was  not  a  greater  busy 
body  in  the  whole  colony.  Personalities  have  seldom  much 
effect  in  making  converts  in  argument — nor  have  I  ever  seen 
a  man  convinced  of  error  by  being  convicted  of  deformity. 
At  least  such  was  not  the  case  at  present.  If  Ten  Breeches 
was  very  happy  in  sarcasm,  Tough  Breeches,  who  was  a  sturdy 
little  man,  and  never  gave  up  the  last  word,  rejoined  with 
increasing  spirit — Ten  Breeches  had  the  advantage  of  the 
greatest  volubility,  but  Tough  Breeches  had  that  invaluable 
coat  of  mail  in  argument  called  obstinacy — Ten  Breeches  had, 
therefore,  the  most  mettle,  but  Tough  Breeches  the  best  bot 
tom — so  that  though  Ten  Breeches  made  a  dreadful  clattering 
about  his  cars,  and  battered  and  belabored  him  with  hard 
words  and  sound  arguments,  yet  Tough  Breeches  hung  on 
most  resolutely  to  the  last.  They  parted,  therefore,  as  is 
usual  in  all  arguments  where  both  parties  are  in  the  right, 
without  coining  to  any  conclusion — but  they  hated  each  other 


136  J1ISTOEY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

most  heartily  forever  after,  and  a  similar  breach  with  that 
between  the  houses  of  Capulet  and  Montague  did  ensue  be 
tween  the  families  of  Ten  Breeches  and  Tough  Breeches. 

I  would  not  fatigue  my  reader  with  these  dull  matters  of 
fact,  but  that  my  duty  as  a  faithful  historian,  requires  that  I 
should  be  particular — and  in  truth,  as  I  am  now  treating  of 
the  critical  period,  when  our  city,  like  a  young  twig,  first  re 
ceived  the  twists  and  turns  which  have  since  contributed  to 
give  it  its  present  picturesque  irregularity,  I  cannot  be  too 
minute  in  detailing  their  first  causes. 

After  the  unhappy  altercation  I  have  just  mentioned,  I  do 
not  find  that  any  thing  farther  was  said  on  the  subject  worthy 
of  being  recorded.  The  council,  consisting  of  the  largest  and 
oldest  heads  in  the  community,  met  regularly  once  a  week,  to 
ponder  on  this  momentous  subject ;  but,  either  they  were  de 
terred  by  the  war  of  words  they  had  witnessed,  or  they  were 
naturally  averse  to  the  exercise  of  the  tongue,  and  the  conse 
quent  exercise  of  the  brains — certain  it  is,  the  most  profound 
silence  was  maintained — the  question  as  usual  lay  on  the  table 
— the  members  quietly  smoked  their  pipes,  making  but  few 
laws,  without  evere  nforcing  any,  and  in  the  mean  time,  the 
affairs  of  the  settlement  went  on — as  it  pleased  God. 

As  most  of  the  council  were  but  little  skilled  in  the  mys 
tery  of  combining  pot-hooks  and  hangers,  they  determined 
most  judiciously  not  to  puzzle  either  themselves  or  posterity 
with  voluminous  records.  The  secretary,  however,  kept  the 
minutes  of  the  council,  with  tolerable  precision,  in  a  large  vel 
lum  folio,  fastened  with  massy  brass  clasps  ;  the  journal  of 
each  meeting  consisted  but  of  two  lines,  stating  in  Dutch,  that 
"  the  council  sat  this  day,  and  smoked  twelve  pipes,  on  the 


HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK.  137 

affairs  of  the  colony."  By  which  it  appears  that  the  first  set-  ,/ 
tiers  did  not  regulate  their  time  by  hours,  but  pipes,  in  the 
same  manner  as  they  measure  distances  in  Holland  at  this 
very  time  ;  an  admirably  exact  measurement  as  a  pipe  in  the 
mouth  of  a  true-born  Dutchman  is  never  liable  to  those  acci 
dents  and  irregularities  that  are  continually  putting  our  clocks 
out  of  order. 

In  this  manner  did  the  profound  council  of  NEW  AMSTER 
DAM  smoke,  and  doze,  and  ponder,  from  week  to  week,  month 
to  month,  and  year  to  year,  in  what  manner  they  should  con 
struct  their  infant  settlement — meanwhile,  the  town  took  care 
of  itself,  and  like  a  sturdy  brat  which  is  suffered  to  run  about 
wild,  unshackled  by  clouts  and  bandages,  and  other  abomi 
nations  by  which  your  notable  nurses  and  sage  old  women 
cripple  and  disfigure  the  children  of  men,  increased  so  rapidly 
in  strength  and  magnitude,  that  before  the  honest  burgomas 
ters  had  determined  upon  a  plan,  it  was  too  late  to  put  it 
in  execution — whereupon  they  wisely  abandoned  the  subject 
altogether. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

HOW  THE  CITY  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  WAXED  GREAT  UNDER  THE  PROTEC 
TION  OF  ST.  NICHOLAS  AND  THE  ABSENCE  OF  LAWS  AND  STATUTES. 
HOW  OLOFFE  THE  DREAMER  BEGAN  TO  DREAM  OF  AN  EXTENSION  OF 
EMPIRE,  AND  OF  THE  EFFECT  OF  HIS  DREAMS. 

riRHEEE  is  something  exceedingly  delusive  in  thus  looking 
•*-  back  through  the  long  vista  of  departed  years,  and  catch 
ing  a  glimpse  of  the  fairy  realms  of  antiquity.  Like  a  land 
scape  melting  into  distance,  they  receive  a  thousand  charms 
from  their  very  obscurity,  and  the  fancy  delights  to  fill  up 
their  outlines  with  graces  and  excellences  of  its  own  creation. 
Thus  loom  on  my  imagination  those  happier  days  of  our  city, 
when  as  yet  New  Amsterdam  was  a  mere  pastoral  town, 
shrouded  in  groves  of  sycamores  and  willow's,  and  surrounded 
by  trackless  forests  and  wide-spreading  waters,  that  seemed 
to  shut  out  all  the  cares  and  vanities  of  a  Avicked  world. 

In  those  days  did  this  embryo  city  present  the  rare  and 
noble  spectacle  of  a  community  governed  without  laws  ;  and 
thus  being  left  to  its  own  course,  and  the  fostering  care  of 
Providence,  increased  as  rapidly  as  though  it  had  been  bur 
dened  with  a  dozen  panniers  full  of  those  sage  laws  usually 
heaped  on  the  backs  of  young  cities — in  order  to  make  them 
grow.  And  in  this  particular  I  greatly  admire  the  wisdom 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

and  sound  knowledge  of  human  nature,  displayed  by  the  sage 
Oloflfe  the  Dreamer  and  his  fellow  legislators.  For  my  part, 
I  have  not  so  bad  an  opinion  of  mankind  as  many  of  my 
brother  philosophers.  I  do  not  think  poor  human  nature  so 
sorry  a  piece  of  workmanship  as  they  would  make  it  out  to 
be ;  and  as  far  as  I  have  observed,  I  am  fully  satisfied  that 
man,  if  left  to  himself,  would  about  as  readily  go  right  as 
wrong.  It  is  only  this  eternally  sounding  in  his  ears  that  it 
is  his  duty  to  go  right,  which  makes  him  go  the  very  reverse. 
The  noble  independence  of  his  nature  revolts  at  this  intolerable 
tyranny  of  law,  and  the  perpetual  interference  of  officious 
morality,  which  are  ever  besetting  his  path  with  finger-posts  and 
directions  to  "  keep  to  the  right,  as  the  law  directs  ;  "  and  like  a 
spirited  urchin,  he  turns  directly  contrary,  and  gallops  through 
mud  and  mire,  over  hedges  and  ditches,  merely  to  show  that  he 
is  a  lad  of  spirit,  and  out  of  his  leading-strings.  And  these 
opinions  are  amply  substantiated  by  what  I  have  above  said 
of  our  worthy  ancestors  ;  who  never  being  be-preached  and  be- 
lectured,  and  guided  and  governed  by  statutes  and  laws  and  by 
laws,  as  are  their  more  enlightened  descendants,  did  one  and  all 
demean  themselves  honestly  and  peaceably,  out  of  pure  igno 
rance,  or  in  other  words — because  they  knew  no  better. 

Nor  must  I  omit  to  record  one  of  the  earliest  measures  of 
this  infant  settlement,  inasmuch  as  it  shows  the  piety  of  our 
forefathers,  and  that,  like  good  Christians,  they  were  always 
ready  to  serve  God,  after  they  had  first  served  themselves. 
Thus,  having  quietly  settled  themselves  down,  and  provided 
for  their  own  comfort,  they  bethought  themselves  of  testifying 
their  gratitude  to  the  great  and  good  St.  Nicholas,  for  his 
protecting  care,  in  guiding  them  to  this  delectable  abode.  To 


140  11ISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

this  end  they  built  a  fair  and  goodly  chapel  within  the  fort, 
•which  they  consecrated  to  his  name ;  whereupon  he  immedi 
ately  took  the  town  of  New  Amsterdam  under  his  peculiar 
patronage,  and  he  has  eve  rsince  been,  and  I  devoutly  hope 
will  ever  be,  the  tutelar  saint  of  this  excellent  city. 

At  this  early  period  was  instituted  that  pious  ceremony, 
still  religiously  observed  in  all  our  ancient  families  of  the 
right  breed,  of  hanging  up  a  stocking  in  the  chimney  on  St- 
Nicholas  eve  ;  which  stocking  is  always  found  in  the  morning 
miraculously  filled  ;  for  the  good  St.  Nicholas  has  ever  been 
a  great  giver  of  gifts,  particularly  to  children. 

I  am  moreover  told  that  there  is  a  little  legendary  book, 
somewhere  extant,  written  in  Low  Dutch,  which  says,  that  the 
image  of  this  renowned  saint,  which  whilom  graced  the  bow 
sprit  of  the  Goede  Vrouw,  was  elevated  in  front  of  this  chapel, 
in  the  centre  of  what,  in  modern  days,  is  called  the  Bowling 
Green — on  the  very  spot,  in  fact,  where  he  appeared  in  vision 
to  OlofFe  the  Dreamer.  And  the  legend  further  treats  of 
divers  miracles  wrought  by  the  mighty  pipe,  which  the  saint 
held  in  his  mouth  ;  a  whiff  of  which  was  a  sovereign  cure  for 
an  indigestion — an  invaluable  relic  in  this  colony  of  brave 
trenchermen.  As,  however,  in  spite  of  the  most  diligent 
search,  I  cannot  lay  my  hands  upon  this  little  book,  I  must 
confess  that  I  entertain  considerable  doubt  on  the  subject. 

Thus  benignly  fostered  by  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  the  in 
fant  city  thrived  apace.  Hordes  of  painted  savages,  it  is  true, 
still  lurked  about  the  unsettled  parts  of  the  island.  The 
hunter  still  pitched  his  bower  of  skins  and  bark  beside  the 
rills  that  ran  through  the  cool  and  shady  glens,  while  here 
and  there  might  be  seen  on  some  sunny  knoll,  a  group  of  In- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

dian  wigwams,  whose  smoke  arose  above  the  neighboring 
trees,  and  floated  in  the  transparent  atmosphere.  A  mutual 
good-will,  however,  existed  between  these  wandering  beings 
and  the  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam.  Our  benevolent  fore 
fathers  endeavored  as  much  as  possible  to  ameliorate  their 
situation,  by  giving  them  gin,  rum,  and  glass  beads,  in  ex 
change  for  their  peltries;  for  it  seems  the  kind-hearted 
Dutchmen  had  conceived  a  great  friendship  for  their  savage 
neighbors,  on  account  of  their  being  pleasant  men  to  trade 
with,  and  little  skilled  in  the  art  of  making  a  bargain. 

Now  and  then  a  crew  of  these  half  human  sons  of  the 
forest  would  make  their  appearance  in  the  streets  of  New 
Amsterdam,  fantastically  painted  and  decorated  with  beads 
and  flaunting  feathers,  sauntering  about  with  an  air  of  listless 
indifference — sometimes  in  the  market-place,  instructing  the 
little  Dutch  boys  in  the  use  of  the  bow  and  arrow — at  other 
times,  inflamed  with  liquor,  swaggering  and  whooping  and 
yelling  about  the  town  like  so  many  fiends,  to  the  great  dis 
may  of  all  the  good  wives,  who  would  hurry  their  children 
into  the  house,  fasten  the  doors,  and  throw  water  upon  the 
enemy  from  the  garret  windows.  It  is  worthy  of  mention 
here,  that  our  forefathers  were  very  particular  in  holding  up 
these  wild  men  as  excellent  domestic  examples — and  for 
reasons  that  may  be  gathered  from  the  history  of  master 
Ogilby,  who  tells  us,  that  "  for  the  least  offence"  the  bride 
groom  soundly  beats  his  wife  and  turns  her  out  of  doors,  and 
marries  another,  insomuch  that  some  of  them  have  every  year 
a  new  wife."  Whether  this  awful  example  had  any  influence 
or  not,  history  does  not  mention ;  but  it  is  certain  that  our 
grandmothers  were  miracles  of  fidelity  and  obedience. 


142  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

True  it  is,  that  the  good  understanding  between  our  an 
cestors  and  their  savage  neighbors  was  liable  to  occasional  in 
terruptions,  and  I  have  heard  my  grandmother,  who  was  a 
very  wise  old  woman,  and  well  versed  in  the  history  of  these 
parts,  tell  a  long  story  of  a  winter's  evening,  about  a  battle 
between  the  New  Amsterdammers  and  the  Indians,  which  was 
known  by  the  name  of  the  Peach  War,  and  which  took  place 
near  a  peach  orchard,  in  a  dark  glen,  which  for  a  long  while 
went  by  the  name  of  Murderer's  Valley. 

The  legend  of  this  sylvan  war,  was  long  current  among  the 
nurses,  old  wives,  and  other  ancient  chroniclers  of  the  place ; 
but  time  and  improvement  have  almost  obliterated  both  the 
tradition  and  the  scene  of  battle  ;  for  what  was  once  the  blood 
stained  valley  is  now  in  the  centre  of  this  populous  city,  and 
known  by  the  name  of  Dey-street. 

I  know  not  whether  it  was  to  this  "  Peach  war,"  and  the 
acquisitions  of  Indian  land  which  may  have  grown  out  of  it, 
that  we  may  ascribe  the  first  seeds  of  the  spirit  of  "  annexa 
tion  "  which  now  began  to  manifest  themselves.  Hitherto  the 
ambition  of  the  worthy  burghers  had  been  confined  to  the 
lovely  island  of  Manna-hata ;  and  Spiten  Devil  on  the  Hud 
son,  and  Hell-gate  on  the  Sound,  were  to  them  the  pillars  of 
Hercules,  the  ne  plus  ultra  of  human  enterprise.  Shortly 
after  the  Peach  war,  however,  a  restless  spirit  was  observed 
among  the  New  Amsterdammers,  who  began  to  cast  wistful 
looks  upon  the  wild  lands  of  their  Indian  neighbors  ;  for  some 
how  or  other  wild  Indian  land  always  looks  greener  in  the 
eyes  of  settlers  than  the  land  they  occupy.  It  is  hinted  that 
OlofFe  the  Dreamer  encouraged  these  notions  :  having,  as  has 
been  shown,  the  inherent  spirit  of  a  land  speculator,  which 


HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK.  14:3 

had  been  wonderfully  quickened  and  expanded  since  he  had 
become  a  land-holder.  Many  of  the  common  people,  who 
had  never  before  owned  a  foot  of  land,  now  began  to  be  dis 
contented  with  the  town-lots  which  had  fallen  to  their  shares  ; 
others  who  had  snug  farms  and  tobacco  plantations,  found  they 
had  not  sufficient  elbow-room  and  began  to  question  the  rights 
of  the  Indians  to  the  vast  regions  they  pretended  to  hold, — 
while  the  good  OlofFe  indulged  in  magnificent  dreams  of  for 
eign  conquest  and  great  patroonships  in  the  wilderness. 

The  result  of  these  dreams  were  certain  exploring  expedi 
tions  sent  forth  in  various  directions  to  "  sow  the  seeds  of  em 
pire,"  as  it  was  &aid.  The  earliest  of  these  were  conducted 
by  Hans  Reinier  Oothout,  an  old  navigator  famous  for  the 
sharpness  of  his  vision,  who  could  see  land  when  it  was  quite 
out  of  sight  to  ordinary  mortals,  and  who  had  a  spy-glass 
covered  with  a  bit  of  tarpauling,  with  which  he  could  spy  up 
the  crookedest  river,  quite  to  its  head  waters,  fie  was  ac 
companied  by  Mynheer  Ten  Breeches,  as  land  measurer,  in 
case  of  any  dispute  with  the  Indians. 

What  was  the  consequence  of  these  exploring  expeditions  1 
In  a  little  while  we  find  a  frontier  post  or  trading-house  called 
Fort  Nassau,  established  far  to  the  south  on  Delaware  River ; 
another  called  Fort  Good  Hoep  (or  Good  Hope),  on  the 
Varschc  or  Fresh,  or  Connecticut  River  ;  and  another  called 
Fort  Aurania  (now  Albany)  away  up  the  Hudson  River; 
while  the  boundaries  of  the  province  kept  extending  on  every 
side,  nobody  knew  whither,  far  into  the  regions  of  Terra  In 
cognita. 

Of  the  boundary  feuds  and  troubles  which  the  ambitious 
little  province  brought  upon  itself  by  these  indefinite  expan- 


14:4  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

sions  of  its  territory,  we  shall  treat  at  large  in  the  after  pages 
of  this  eventful  history ;  sufficient  for  the  present  is  it  to  say 
that  the  swelling  importance  of  the  New  Netherlands  awakened 
the  attention  of  the  mother  country,  who,  finding  it  likely  to 
yield  much  revenue  and  no  trouble,  began  to  take  that  interest 
in  its  welfare  which  knowing  people  evince  for  rich  relations. 
But  as  this  opens  a  new  era  in  the  fortunes  of  New  Am 
sterdam,  I  will  here  put  an  end  to  this  second  book  of  my 
history,  and  will  treat  of  the  maternal  policy  of  the  mother 
country  in  my  next. 


BOOK  III. 

IN  WHICH  IS  RECORDED  THE  GOLDEN  REIGN  OF  WOUTER  TAX 
TWILLER. 


CHAPTER  I. 


OF  THE  RENOWXED  •WOUTER  VAX  TWILLER,  HIS  UNPARALLELED  VIRTUES 
-  AS  LIKEWISE  HIS  UNUTTERABLE  WISDOM  IN  THE  LAW  CASE  OF  WAN- 
DLK  SCHOOXHOVEN  AND  BARENT  BLKECKER  -  AND  THE  GREAT  ADMIRA 
TION  OP  THE  PUBLIC  THEREAT. 


KIEVOUS  and  very  much  to  be  commiserated  is  the  task 
of  the  feeling  historian,  who  writes  the  history  of  his 
native  land.  If  it  fall  to  his  lot  to  be  the  recorder  of  calamity 
or  crime,  the  mournful  page  is  watered  with  his  tears  —  nor 
can  he  recall  the  most  prosperous  and  blissful  era,  without 
a  melancholy  sigh  at  the  reflection,  that  it  has  passed  away 
for  ever  !  I  know  not  whether  it  be  owing  to  an  immoderate 
love  for  the  simplicity  of  former  times,  or  to  that  certain  ten 
derness  of  heart  incident  to  all  sentimental  historians  ;  but  I 
candidly  confess  that  I  cannot  look  back  on  the  happier  days 
of  our  city,  which  I  now  describe,  without  great  dejection  of 
spirit.  With  faltering  hand  do  I  withdraw  the  curtain  of  ob 
livion,  that  veils  the  modest  merit  of  our  venerable  ancestors, 
7 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

and  as  their  figures  rise  to  my  mental  vision,  humble  myself 
before  their  mighty  shades. 

Such  are  my  feelings  when  I  revisit  the  family  mansion 
of  the  Knickerbockers,  and  spend  a  lonely  hour  in  the  cham 
ber  where  hang  the  portraits  of  my  forefathers,  shrouded  in 
dust,  like  the  forms  they  represent.  With  pious  reverence 
do  I  gaze  on  the  countenances  of  those  renowned  burghers, 
who  have  preceded  me  in  the  steady  march  of  existence — 
whose  sober  and  temperate  blood  now  meanders  through  my 
veins,  flowing  slower  and  slower  in  its  feeble  conduits,  until 
its  current  shall  soon  be  stopped  for  ever  ! 

These,   I  say  to  myself,   are  but  frail  memorials  of  the 
mighty  men  who  flourished  in  the  days  of  the  patriarchs  ;  but 
who,  alas,  have  long  since  mouldered  in  that  tomb,  towards 
which  my  steps  are  insensibly  and  irresistibly  hastening  !     As 
I  pace  the  darkened  chamber  and  lose  myself  in  melancholy 
musings,  the  shadowy  images  around  me  almost  seem  to  steal 
once  more  into  existence — their  countenances  to  assume  the 
animation  of  life — their  eyes  to  pursue  me  in  every  move 
ment  !     Carried  away  by  the  delusions  of  fancy,  I  almost  im 
agine  myself  surrounded  by  the  shades  of  the  departed,  and 
holding  sweet  converse  with  the  worthies  of  antiquity  !     Ah, 
hapless  Diedrich  !  born  in  a  degenerate  age,  abandoned  to  the 
buffetings  of  fortune — a  stranger  and  a  weary  pilgrim  in  thy 
native  land — blest  with  no  weeping  wife,  nor  family  of  help 
less  children  ;  but  doomed  to  wander  neglected  through  those 
crowded  streets,  and  elbowed  by  foreign  upstarts  from  those 
fair  abodes  where  once  thine  ancestors  held  sovereign  empire  ! 
Let  me  not,  however,  lose  the  historian  in  the  man,  nor 
suffer  the  doting  recollections  of  age  to  overcome  me,  while 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

dwelling  with  fond  garrulity  on  the  virtuous  days  of  the  pa 
triarchs — on  those  sweet  days  of  simplicity  and  ease,  which 
never  more  will  dawn  on  the  lovely  island  of  Manna-hata. 

These  melancholy  reflections  have  been  forced  from  me 
by  the  growing  wealth  and  importance  of  New  Amsterdam, 
which,  I  plainly  perceive,  are  to  involve  it  in  all  kinds  of 
perils  and  disasters.  Already,  as  I  observed  at  the  close  of 
my  last  book,  they  had  awakened  the  attentions  of  the  mother 
country.  The  usual  mark  of  protection  shown  by  mother 
countries  to  wealthy  colonies  was  forthwith  manifested;  a 
governor  being  sent  out  to  rule  over  the  province  and  squeeze 
out  of  it  as  much  revenue  as  possible.  The  arrival  of  a  gov 
ernor  of  course  put  an  end  to  the  protectorate  of  Oloffe  the 
Dreamer.  He  appears,  however,  to  have  dreamt  to  some 
purpose  during  his  sway,  as  we  find  him  afterwards  living  as 
a  patroon  on  a  great  landed  estate  on  the  banks  of  the  Hud 
son  ;  having  virtually  forfeited  all  right  to  his  ancient  appella 
tion  of  Kortlandt  or  Lackland. 

In  was  in  the  year  of  our  Lord  1629  that  Mynheer 
Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  appointed  governor  of  the  province 
of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  under  the  commission  and  control 
of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General  of 
the  United  Netherlands,  and  the  privileged  West  India 
Company. 

This  renowned  old  gentleman  arrived  at  New  Amsterdam 
in  the  merry  month  of  June,  the  sweetest  month  in  all  the 
year;  when  dan  Apollo  seems  to  dance  up  the  transparent 
firmament — when  the  robin,  the  thrush,  and  a  thousand  other 
wanton  songsters  make  the  woods  to  resound  with  amorous 
ditties,  and  the  luxurious  little  boblincon  revels  among  the 


148  HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

clover  blossoms  of  the  meadows — all  which  happy  coincidence 
persuaded  the  old  dames  of  New  Amsterdam,  who  were  skill 
ed  in  the  art  of  foretelling  events,  that  this  was  to  be  a  happy 
and  prosperous  administration. 

The  renowned  Wouter  (or  Walter)  Van  Twiller,  was  de 
scended  from  a  long  line  of  Dutch  burgomasters,  who  had 
successively  dozed  away  their  lives,  and  grown  fat  upon  the 
bench  of  magistracy  in  Rotterdam ;  and  who  had  comported 
themselves  with  such  singular  wisdom  and  propriety,  that 
they  were  never  either  heard  or  talked  of — which,  next  to  be 
ing  universally  applauded,  should  be  the  object  of  ambition 
of  all  magistrates  and  rulers.  There  are  two  opposite  ways 
by  which  some  men  make  a  figure  in  the  world ;  one  by  talk 
ing  faster  than  they  think ;  and  the  other  by  holding  their 
tongues  and  not  thinking  at  all.  By  the  first,  many  a  smat- 
terer  acquires  the  reputation  of  a  man  of  quick  parts  ;  by  the 
other,  many  a  dunderpate,  like  the  owl,  the  stupidest  of  birds, 
comes  to  be  considered  the  very  type  of  wisdom.  This,  by 
the  way,  is  a  casual  remark,  which  I  would  not,  for  the  uni 
verse,  have  it  thought  I  apply  to  Governor  Van  Twiller.  It  is 
true  he  was  a  man  shut  up  within  himself,  like  an  oyster, 
and  rarely  spoke  except  in  monosyllables ;  but  then  it  was 
allowed  he  seldom  said  a  foolish  thing.  So  invincible  was  his 
gravity  that  he  was  never  known  to  laugh  or  even  to  smile 
through  the  whole  course  of  a  long  and  prosperous  life.  Nay 
if  a  joke  were  uttered  in  his  presence,  that  set  light  minded 
hearers  in  a  roar,  it  was  observed  to  throw  him  into  a  state 
of  perplexity.  Sometimes  he  would  deign  to  inquire  into 
the  matter,  and  when,  after  much  explanation,  the  joke  was 
made  as  plain  as  a  pike-staff,  he  would  continue  to  smoke  his 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW   YOKK. 

pipe  in  silence,  and  at  length,  knocking  out  the  ashes  would 
exclaim,  "  Well !  I  see  nothing  in  all  that  to  laugh  about." 

With  all  his  reflective  habits,  he  never  made  up  his  mind 
on  a  subject.  His  adherents  accounted  for  this  by  the  aston 
ishing  magnitude  of  his  ideas.  He  conceived  every  subject  on 
so  grand  a  scale  that  he  had  not  room  in  his  head  to  turn  it 
over  and  examine  both  sides  of  it.  Certain  it  is  that  if  any 
matter  were  propounded  to  him  on  which  ordinary  mortals 
would  rashly  determine  at  first  glance,  he  would  put  on  a 
vague,  mysterious  look ;  shake  his  capacious  head ;  smoke 
some  time  in  profound  silence,  and  at  length  observe  that  "  he 
had  his  doubts  about  the  matter  ;"  which  gained  him  the  repu 
tation  of  a  man  slow  of  belief  and  not  easily  imposed  upon. 
What  is  more,  it  gained  him  a  lasting  name  :  for  to  this  habit 
of  the  mind  has  been  attributed  his  surname  of  Twiller  ;  which 
is  said  to  be  a  corruption  of  the  original  Twijfler,  or,  in  plain 
English,  Doubter. 

The  person  of  this  illustrious  old  gentleman  was  formed 
and  proportioned,  as  though  it  had  been  moulded  by  the 
hands  of  some  cunning  Dutch  statuary,  as  a  model  of  majesty 
and  lordly  grandeur.  He  was  exactly  five  feet  six  inches  in 
height,  and  six  feet  five  inches  in  circumference.  His  head 
was  a  perfect  sphere,  and  of  such  stupendous  dimensions,  that 
dame  Nature,  with  all  her  sex's  ingenuity,  would  have  been 
puzzled  to  construct  a  neck  capable  of  supporting  it ;  where 
fore  she  wisely  declined  the  attempt,  and  settled  it  firmly  on 
the  top  of  his  back  bone,  just  between  the  shoulders.  His 
body  was  oblong  and  particularly  capacious  at  bottom  ;  which 
was  wisely  ordered  by  Providence,  seeing  that  he  was  a  man 
of  sedentary  habits,  and  very  averse  to  the  idle  labor  of  walk- 


150  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

ing.  His  legs  were  short,  but  sturdy  in  proportion  to  the 
weight  they  had  to  sustain ;  so  that  when  erect  he  had  not  a 
little  the  appearance  of  a  beer  barrel  on  skids.  His  face,  that 
infallible  index  of  the  mind,  presented  a  vast  expanse,  unfur- 
rowed  by  any  of  those  lines  and  angles  which  disfigure  the 
human  countenance  with  what  is  termed  expression.  Two 
small  grey  eyes  twinkled  feebly  in  the  midst,  like  two  stars 
of  lesser  magnitude  in  a  hazy  firmament ;  and  his  full-fed 
cheeks,  which  seemed  to  have  taken  toll  of  every  thing  that 
went  into  his  mouth,  were  curiously  mottled  and  streaked 
with  dusky  red,  like  a  spitzenberg  apple. 

His  habits  were  as  regular  as  his  person.  He  daily  took 
his  four  stated  meals,  appropriating  exactly  an  hour  to  each ; 
he  smoked  and  doubted  eight  hours,  and  he  slept  the  remain 
ing  twelve  of  the  four  and  twenty.  Such  was  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller — a  true  philosopher,  for  his  mind  was 
either  elevated  above,  or  tranquilly  settled  below,  the  cares 
and  perplexities  of  this  world.  He  had  lived  in  it  for  years, 
without  feeling  the  least  curiosity  to  know  whether  the  sun 
revolved  round  it,  or  it  round  the  sun  ;  and  he  had  watched, 
for  at  least  half  a  century,  the  smoke  curling  from  his  pipe  to 
the  ceiling,  without  once  troubling  his  head  with  any  of  those 
numerous  theories,  by  which  a  philosopher  would  have  per 
plexed  his  brain,  in  accounting  for  its  rising  above  the  sur 
rounding  atmosphere. 

In  his  council  he  presided  with  great  state  and  solemnity. 
He  sa-t  in  a  huge  chair  of  solid  oak,  hewn  in  the  celebrated 
forest  of  the  Hague,  fabricated  by  an  experienced  timmennan 
of  Amsterdam,  and  curiously  carved  about  the  arms  and  feet, 
into  exact  imitations  of  gigantic  eagle's  claws.  Instead  of  a 


HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK.  151 

sceptre  ho  swayed  a  long  Turkish  pipe,  wrought  with  jasmin 
and  amber,  Avhich  had  been  presented  to  a  stadtholdcr  of  Hol 
land,  at  the  conclusion  of  a  treaty  with  one  of  the  petty  Bar- 
bary  powers.  In  this  stately  chair  would  he  sit,  and  this 
magnificent  pipe  would  he  smoke,  shaking  his  right  knee 
with  a  constant  motion,  and  fixing  his  eye  for  hours  together 
upon  a  little  print  of  Amsterdam,  which  hung  in  a  black 
frame  against  the  opposite  wall  of  the  council  chamber. 
Nay,  it  has  even  been  said,  that  when  any  deliberation  of  ex 
traordinary  length  and  intricacy  w^as  on  the  carpet,  the  re 
nowned  Wouter  would  shut  his  eyes  for  full  two  hours  at  a 
time,  that  he  might  not  be  disturbed  by  external  objects — 
and  at  such  times  the  internal  commotion  of  his  mind  was 
evinced  by  certain  regular  guttural  sounds,  which  his  admirers 
declared  were  merely  the  noise  of  conflict,  made  by  his  con 
tending  doubts  and  opinions. 

It  is  with  infinite  difficulty  I  have  been  enabled  to  collect 
these  biographical  anecdotes  of  the  great  man  under  consider 
ation.  The  facts  respecting  him  were  so  scattered  and  vague, 
and  divers  of  them  so  questionable  in  point  of  authenticity, 
that  I  have  had  to  give  up  the  search  after  many,  and  decline 
the  admission  of  still  more,  which  would  have  tended  to 
heighten  the  coloring  of  his  portrait. 

I  have  been  the  more  anxious  to  delineate  fully  the  per 
son  and  habits  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  from  the  considera 
tion  that  he  was  not  only  the  first,  but  also  the  best  governor 
that  ever  presided  over  this  ancient  and  respectable  province  ; 
and  so  tranquil  and  benevolent  was  his  reign,  that  I  do  not 
find  throughout  the  whole  of  it,  a  single  instance  of  any  offen 
der  being  brought  to  punishment — a  most  indubitable  sign  of 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

a  merciful  governor,  and  a  case  unparalleled,  excepting  in  the 
reign  of  the  illustrious  King  Log,  from  whom,  it  is  hinted,  the 
renowned  Van  Twillcr  was  a  lineal  descendant. 

The  very  outset  of  the  career  of  this  excellent  magistrate 
was  distinguished  by  an  example  of  legal  acumen,  that  gave 
flattering  presage  of  a  wise  and  equitable  administration. 
The  morning  after  he  had  been  installed  in  office,  and  at  the 
moment  that  he  was  making  his  breakfast  from  a  prodigious 
earthen  dish,  filled  with  milk  and  Indian  pudding,  he  was  in 
terrupted  by  the  appearance  of  Wandle  Schoonhoven,  a  very 
important  old  burgher  of  New  Amsterdam,  who  complained 
bitterly  of  one  Barent  Bleecker,  inasmuch  as  he  refused  to 
come  to  a  settlement  of  accounts,  seeing  that  there  was  a 
heavy  balance  in  favor  of  the  said  Wandle.  Governor  Van 
Twiller,  as  I  have  already  observed,  was  a  man  of  few  words ; 
he  was  likewise  a  mortal  enemy  to  multiplying  writings — or 
being  disturbed  at  his  breakfast.  Having  listened  attentively 
to  the  statement  of  Wandle  Schoonhoven,  giving  an  occasion 
al  grunt,  as  he  shovelled  a  spoonful  of  Indian  pudding  into  his 
mouth — either  as  a  sign  that  he  relished  the  dish,  or  compre 
hended  the  story — he  called  unto  him  his  constable,  and  pull 
ing  out  of  his  breeches  pocket  a  huge  jack-knife,  dispatched  it 
after  the  defendant  as  a  summons,  accompanied  by  his  tobacco- 
box  as  a  warrant. 

This  summary  process  was  as  effectual  in  those  simple 
days  as  was  the  seal  ring  of  the  great  Haroun  Alraschid 
among  the  true  believers.  The  two  parties  being  confronted 
before  him,  each  produced  a  book  of  accounts,  written  in  a 
language  and  character  that  would  have  puzzled  any  but  a 
High  Dutch  commentator,  or  a  learned  decipherer  of  Egyp- 


HISTORY   OF    NEW    YORK.  153 

tian  obelisks.  The  sage  Wouter  took  them  one  after  the  other, 
and  having  poised  them  in  his  hands,  and  attentively  counted 
over  the  number  of  leaves,  fell  straightway  into  a  very  great 
doubt,  and  smoked  for  half  an  hour  without  saying  a  word  ; 
at  length,  laying  his  finger  beside  his  nose,  and  shutting  his v 
eyes  for  a  moment,  with  the  air  of  a  man  who  has  just  caught 
a  subtle  idea  by  the  tail,  he  slowly  took  his  pipe  from  his 
mouth,  puffed  forth  a  column  of  tobacco  smoke,  and  with 
marvellous  gravity  and  solemnity  pronounced — that  having 
carefully  counted  over  the  leaves  and  weighed  the  books,  it 
was  found,  that  one  was  just  as  thick  and  as  heavy  as  the 
other — therefore  it  was  the  final  opinion  of  the  court  that  the  . 
accounts  were  equally  balanced — therefore  Wandle  should 
give  Barent  a  receipt,  and  Barent  should  give  Wandle  a  re 
ceipt — and  the  constable  should  pay  the  costs. 

This  decision  being  straightway  made  known,  diffused  gen 
eral  joy  throughout  New  Amsterdam,  for  the  people  imme 
diately  perceived,  that  they  had  a  very  wise  and  equitable 
magistrate  to  rule  over  them.  But  its  happiest  effect  was, 
that  not  another  lawsuit  took  place  throughout  the  whole  of 
his  administration — and  the  office  of  constable  fell  into  such 
decay,  that  there  was  not  one  of  those  losel  scouts  known  in 
the  province  for  many  years.  I  am  the  more  particular  in 
dwelling  on  this  transaction,  not  only  because  I  deem  it  one 
of  the  most  sage  and  righteous  judgments  on  record,  and  well 
worthy  the  attention  of  modern  magistrates ;  but  because  it 
was  a  miraculous  event  in  the  history  of  the  renowned 
Wouter — being  the  only  time  he  was  ever  known  to  come  to 
a  decision  in  the  whole  course  of  his  life. 


CHAPTER  II. 


CONTAINING    SOME    ACCOUNT    OF    THE    GRAND    COUNCIL    OF    NEW   AMSTERDAM,     . 
AS    ALSO     DIVERS     ESPECIAL     GOOD     PHILOSOPHICAL     REASONS    WHY    AN  > 

ALDERMAN  SHOULD    J5E    FAT WITH    OTHER    PARTICULARS   TOUCHING   THE  \ 

STATE    OF    THE    PROVINCE. 


TN  treating  of  the  early  governors  of  the  province,  I  must 
-*-  caution  my  readers  against  confounding  them,  in  point  of 
dignity  and  power,  with  those  worthy  gentlemen,  who  are 
whimsically  denominated  governors  in  this  enlightened  repub 
lic — a  set  of  unhappy  victims  of  popularity,  who  are,  in  fact, 
the  most  dependent,  hen-pecked  beings  in  the  community  : 
doomed  to  bear  the  secret  goadings  and  corrections  of  their 
own  party,  and  the  sneers  and  revilings  of  the  whole  world 
beside.  Set  up,  like  geese  at  Christmas  holidays,  to  be  pelted 
and  shot  at  by  every  whipster  and  vagabond  in  the  land.  On 
the  contrary,  the  Dutch  governors  enjoyed  that  uncontrolled 
authority,  vested  in  all  commanders  of  distant  colonies  or  ter 
ritories.  They  were,  in  a  manner,  absolute  despots  in  their 
little  domains,  lording  it,  if  so  disposed,  over  both  law  and 
gospel,  and  accountable  to  none  but  the  mother  country  ; 
which  it  is  well  known  is  astonishingly  deaf  to  all  complaints 
against  its  governors,  provided  they  discharge  the  main  duty 
of  their  station — squeezing  out  a  good  revenue.  This  hint 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  155 

will  be  of  importance,  to  prevent  my  readers  from  being 
seized  with  doubt  and  incredulity,  whenever,  in  the  course  of 
this  authentic  history,  they  encounter  the  uncommon  circum 
stance  of  a  governor  acting  with  independence,  and  in  opposi 
tion  to  the  opinions  of  the  multitude. 

To  assist  the  doubtful  Wouter  in  the  arduous  business  of 
legislation,  a  board  of  magistrates  was  appointed,  \vhich  pre 
sided  immediately  over  the  police.  This  potent  body  con 
sisted  of  a  schout  or  bailiff,  with  powers  between  those  of 
the  present  mayor  and  sheriff — five  burgermeesters,  who  were 
equivalent  to  aldermen,  and  five  schepens,  who  officiated  as 
scrubs,  subdevils,  or  bottle-holders  to  the  burgermeesters,  in 
the  same  manner  as  do  assistant  aldermen  to  their  principals 
at  the  present  day ;  it  being  their  duty  to  fill  the  pipes  of  the 
lordly  burgermeesters — hunt  the  markets  for  delicacies  for 
corporation  dinners,  and  to  discharge  such  other  little  offices 
of  kindness  as  wTere  occasionally  required.  It  wras,  moreover, 
tacitly  understood,  though  not  specifically  enjoined,  that  they 
should  consider  themselves  as  butts  for  the  blunt  wits  of  the 
burgermeesters,  and  should  laugh  most  heartily  at  all  their 
jokes  ;  but  this  last  was  a  duty  as  rarely  called  in  action  in 
those  days  as  it  is  at  present,  and  was  shortly  remitted,  in 
consequence  of  the  tragical  death  of  a  fat  little  schepen — who 
actually  died  of  suffocation  in  an  unsuccessful  effort  to  force 
a  laugh  at  one  of  burgermeester  Van  Zandt's  best  jokes. 

In  return  for  these  humble  services,  they  were  permitted 
to  say  yes  and  no  at  the  council-board,  and  to  have  that  envia 
ble  privilege,  the  run  of  the  public  kitchen — being  graciously 
permitted  to  eat,  and  drink,  and  smoke,  at  all  those  snug 
junketings  and  public  gormandizings,  for  which  the  ancient 


156  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

magistrates  were  equally  famous  with  their  modern  succes 
sors.  The  post  of  schepen,  therefore,  like  that  of  assistant 
alderman,  was  eagerly  coveted  by  all  your  burghers  of  a  cer 
tain  description,  who  have  a  huge  relish  for  good  feeding,  and 
an  humble  ambition  to  be  great  men  in  a  small  way — who 
thirst  after  a  little  brief  authority,  that  shall  render  them  the 
terror  of  the  alms-house  and  the  bridewell — that  shall  enable 
them  to  lord  it  over  obsequious  poverty,  vagrant  vice,  out 
cast  prostitution,  and  hunger-driven  dishonesty — that  shall 
give  to  their  beck  a  hound-like  pack  of  catchpolls  and  bum- 
bailiffs — tenfold  greater  rogues  than  the  culprits  they  hunt 
down  !  My  readers  will  excuse  this  sudden  warmth,  which  I 
confess  is  unbecoming  of  a  grave  historian — but  I  have  a 
mortal  antipathy  to  catchpolls,  bumbailiffs,  and  little  great 
men. 

The  ancient  magistrates  of  this  city  corresponded  with 
those  of  the  present  time  no  less  in  form,  magnitude,  and  in 
tellect,  than  in  prerogative  and  privilege.  The  burgomasters, 
like  our  aldermen,  were  generally  chosen  by  weight — and 
not  only  the  weight  of  the  body,  but  likewise  the  weight  of 
the  head.  It  is  a  maxim  practically  observed  in  all  honest, 
plain-thinking,  regular  cities,  that  an  alderman  should  be  fat 
— and  the  wisdom  of  this  can  be  proved  to  a  certainty.  That 
the  body  is  in  some  measure  an  image  of  the  mind,  or  rather 
that  the  mind  is  moulded  to  the  body,  like  melted  lead  to  the 
clay  in  which  it  is  cast,  has  been  insisted  on  by  many  philoso 
phers,  who  have  made  human  nature  their  peculiar  study — 
for  as  a  learned  gentleman  of  our  own  city  observes,  "  there 
is  a  constant  relation  between  the  moral  character  of  all  intel 
ligent  creatures,  and  their  physical  constitution — between  their 


HISTORY    OF    NKW    YORK.  157 

habits  and  the  structure  of  their  bodies."  Thus  we  see  that  a 
lean,  spare,  diminutive  body  is  generally  accompanied  by  a 
petulant,  restless,  meddling  mind — either  the  mind  wears  down 
the  body,  by  its  continual  motion ;  or  else  the  body,  not 
affording  the  mind  sufficient  house-room,  keeps  it  continually 
in  a  state  of  fretfulness,  tossing  and  worrying  about  from  the 
uneasiness  of  its  situation.  Whereas  your  round,  sleek,  fat, 
unwieldy  periphery  is  ever  attended  by  a  mind  like  itself,  tran 
quil,  torpid,  and  at  ease ;  and  we  may  always  observe,  that 
your  well  fed,  robustious  burghers  are  in  general  very  tena 
cious  of  their  ease  and  comfort ;  being  great  enemies  to  noise, 
discord,  and  disturbance — and  surely  none  are  more  likely  to 
study  the  public  tranquillity  than  those  who  are  so  careful  of 
their  own.  Who  ever  hears  of  fat  men  heading  a  riot,  or 
herding  together  in  turbulent  mobs  1 — no — no — it  is  your 
lean,  hungry  men  who  are  continually  worrying  society,  and 
setting  the  whole  community  by  the  ears. 

The  divine  Plato,  whose  doctrines  are  not  sufficiently  at 
tended  to  by  philosophers  of  the  present  age,  allows  to  every 
man  three  souls — one  immortal  and  rational,  seated  in  the 
brain,  that  it  may  overlook  and  regulate  the  body — a  second 
consisting  of  the  surly  and  irascible  passions  which,  like  belli 
gerent  powers,  lie  encamped  around  the  heart  —  a  third 
mortal  and  sensual,  destitute  of  reason,  gross  and  brutal  in 
its  propensities,  and  enchained  in  the  belly,  that  it  may  not 
disturb  the  divine  soul  by  its  ravenous  howlings.  Now,  ac 
cording  to  this  excellent  theory,  what  can  be  more  clear,  than 
that  your  fat  alderman  is  most  likely  to  have  the  most  regu 
lar  and  well-conditioned  mind.  His  head  is  like  a  hu^e 

& 

spherical  chamber,  containing  a  prodigious  mass  of  soft  brains, 


158  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

whereon  the  rational  soul  lies  softly  and  snugly  couched,  as 
on  a  feather  bed ;  and  the  eyes,  which  are  the  windows  of  the 
bed-chamber,  are  usually  half  closed,  that  its  slumberings 
may  not  be  disturbed  by  external  objects.  A  mind  thus  com 
fortably  lodged,  and  protected  from  disturbance,  is  manifestly 
most  likely  to  perform  its  functions  with  regularity  and  ease. 
By  dint  of  good  feeding  moreover,  the  mortal  and  malignant 
soul,  which  is  confined  in  the  belly,  and  which,  by  its  raging 
and  roaring,  puts  the  irritable  soul  in  the  neighborhood  of  the 
heart  in  an  intolerable  passion,  and  thus  renders  men  crusty 
and  quarrelsome  when  hungry,  is  completely  pacified,  silenced, 
and  put  to  rest — whereupon  a  host  of  honest,  good-fellow 
qualities  and  kind-hearted  affections,  which  had  lain  perdue, 
slyly  peeping  out  of  the  loop-holes  of  the  heart,  finding  this 
cerberus  asleep,  do  pluck  up  their  spirits,  turn  out  one  and  all 
in  their  holiday  suits,  and  gambol  up  and  down  the  diaphragm 
— disposing  their  possessor  to  laughter,  good  humor,  and  a 
thousand  friendly  offices  towards  his  fellow  mortals. 

As  a  board  of  magistrates,  formed  on  this  principle,  think 
but  very  little,  they  arc  the  less  likely  to  differ  and  wrangle 
about  favorite  opinions — and  as  they  generally  transact  busi 
ness  upon  a  hearty  dinner,  they  are  naturally  disposed  to  be 
lenient  and  indulgent  in  the  administration  of  their  duties. 
Charlemagne  was  conscious  of  this,  and  therefore  ordered  in 
his  cartularies,  that  no  judge  should  hold  a  court  of  justice, 
except  in  the  morning,  on  an  empty  stomach. — A  pitiful  rule, 
which  I  can  never  forgive,  and  which  I  warrant  bore  hard  upon 
all  the  poor  culprits  in  the  kingdom.  The  more  enlightened 
and  humane  generation  of  the  present  day  have  taken  an 
opposite  course,  and  have  so  managed,  that  the  aldermen  are 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  151) 

the  best  fed  men  in  the  community  ;  feasting  lustily  on  the 
fut  things  of  the  land,  and  gorging  so  heartily  on  oysters  and 
turtles,  that  in  process  of  time  they  acquire  the  activity  of  the 
one,  and  the  form,  the  waddle,  and  the  green  fat  of  the  other. 
The  consequence  is,  as  I  have  just  said,  these  luxurious  feastings 
do  produce  such  a  dulcet  equanimity  and  repose  of  the  soul, 
rational  and  irrational,  that  their  transactions  are  proverbial 
for  unvarying  monotony — and  the  profound  laws  which  they 
enact  in  their  dozing  moments,  amid  the  labors  of  digestion, 
are  quietly  suffered  to  remain  as  dead  letters,  and  never 
enforced,  when  awake.  In  a  word,  your  fair,  round-bellied 
burgomaster,  like  a  full-fed  mastiff,  dozes  quietly  at  the  house- 
door,  always  at  home,  and  always  at  hand  to  watch  over  its 
safety — but  as  to  electing  a  lean,  meddling  candidate  to  the 
office,  as  has  now  and  then  been  done,  I  would  as  lief  put  a 
greyhound  to  watch  the  house,  or  a  race-horse  to  draw  an  ox 
wagon. 

The  burgomasters  then,  as  I  have  already  mentioned,  were 
wisely  chosen  by  weight,  and  the  schepens,  or  assistant  alder 
men,  were  appointed  to  attend  upon  them,  and  help  them  eat ; 
but  the  latter,  in  the  course  of  time,  when  they  had  been  fed 
and  fattened  into  sufficient  bulk  of  body  and  drowsiness  of 
brain,  became  very  eligible  candidates  for  the  burgomasters' 
chairs,  having  fairly  eaten  themselves  into  office,  as  a  mouse 
eats  his  way  into  a  comfortable  lodgment  in  a  goodly,  blue- 
nosed,  skimmed  milk,  New-England  cheese. 

Nothing  could  equal  the  profound  deliberations  that  took 
place  between  the  renowned  "Wouter,  and  these  his  worthy 
compeers,  unless  it  be  the  sage  divans  of  some  of  our  modern 
corporations.  They  would  sit  for  hours  smoking  and  dozing 


160  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

over  public  affairs  without  speaking  a  word  to  interrupt  that 
perfect  stillness,  so  necessary  to  deep  reflection.  Under  the 
sober  sway  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller  and  these  his  worthy 
coadjutors,  the  infant  settlement  waxed  vigorous  apace, 
gradually  emerging  from  the  swamps  and  forests,  and  exhibit 
ing  that  mingled  appearance  of  town  and  country,  customary 
in  new  cities,  and  which  at  this  day  may  be  witnessed  in  the 
city  of  Washington  ;  that  immense  metropolis,  which  makes 
so  glorious  an  appearance  on  paper. 

It  was  a  pleasing  sight  in  those  times,  to  behold  the  honest 
burgher,  like  a  patriarch  of  yore,  seated  on  the  bench  at  the 
door  of  his  whitewashed  house,  under  the  shade  of  some 
gigantic  sycamore  or  overhanging  willow.  Here  would  he 
smoke  his  pipe  of  a  sultry  afternoon,  enjoying  the  soft  southern 
breeze,  and  listening  with  silent  gratulation  to  the  clucking  of 
his  hens,  the  cackling  of  his  geese,  and  the  sonorous  grunting 
of  his  swine ;  that  combination  of  farm-yard  melody,  which 
may  truly  be  said  to  have  a  silver  sound,  inasmuch  as  it  con 
veys  a  certain  assurance  of  profitable  marketing. 

The  modern  spectator,  who  wanders  through  the  streets 
of  this  populous  city,  can  scarcely  form  an  idea  of  the  different 
appearance  they  presented  in  the  primitive  days  of  the 
Doubter.  The  busy  hum  of  multitudes,  the  shouts  of  revelry, 
the  rumbling  equipages  of  fashion,  the  rattling  of  accursed 
carts,  and  all  the  spirit-grieving  sounds  of  brawling  commerce, 
were  unknown  in  the  settlement  of  New  Amsterdam.  The 
grass  grew  quietly  in  the  highways — the  bleating  sheep  and 
frolicksome  calves  sported  about  the  verdant  ridge,  where  now 
the  Broadway  loungers  take  their  morning  stroll— the  cunning 
fox  or  ravenous  wolf  skulked  in  the  woods,  where  now  are  to 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YO11K.  101 

be  seen  the  dens  of  Gomez  and  his  righteous  fraternity  of 
money-brokers — and  flocks  of  vociferous  geese  cackled  about 
the  fields,  where  now  the  great  Tammany  wigwam  and  the 
patriotic  tavern  of  Martling  echo  with  the  wranglings  of  the 
mob. 

In  these  good  times  did  a  true  and  enviable  equality  of 
rank  and  property  prevail,  equally  removed  from  the  arrogance 
of  wealth,  and  the  servility  and  heart-burnings  of  repining 
poverty — and  what  in  my  mind  is  still  more  conducive  to 
traffquillity  and  harmony  among  friends,  a  happy  equality  of 
intellect  was  likewise  to  be  seen.  The  minds  of  the  good 
burghers  of  New  Amsterdam  seemed  all  to  have  been  cast  in 
one  mould,  and  to  be  those  honest,  blunt  minds,  which,  like 
certain  manufactures,  are  made  by  the  gross,  and  considered 
as  exceedingly  good  for  common  use. 

Thus  it  happens  that  your  true  dull  minds  are  generally 
preferred  for  public  employ,  and  especially  promoted  to  city 
honors ;  your  keen  intellects,  like  razors,  being  considered 
too  sharp  for  common  service.  I  know  that  it  is  common  to 
rail  at  the  unequal  distribution  of  riches,  as  the  great  source 
of  jealousies,  broils,  and  heart-breakings  ;  whereas,  for  my 
part,  I  verily  believe  it  is  the  sad  inequality  of  intellect  that 
prevails,  that  embroils  communities  more  than  any  thing 
else  ;  and  I  have  remarked  that  your  knowing  people,  who 
are  so  much  wiser  than  any  body  else,  are  eternally  keeping 
society  in  a  ferment.  Happily  for  New  Amsterdam,  nothing 
of  the  kind  was  known  within  its  walls — the  very  words  of 
learning,  education,  taste,  and  talents  were  unheard  of — a 
bright  genius  was  an  animal  unknown,  and  a  blue  stocking 
lady  would  have  been  regarded  with  as  much  wonder  as  a 


162  HISTORY  OF  ;NEW  YORK. 

horned  frog  or  a  fiery  dragon.  No  man  in  fact  seemed  to 
know  more  than  his  neighbor,  nor  any  man  to  know  more 
than  an  honest  man  ought  to  know,  who  has  nobody's  business 
to  mind  but  his  own  ;  the  parson  and  the  council  clerk  were 
the  only  men  that  could  read  in  the  community,  and  the 
sage  Van  Twiller  always  signed  his  name  with  a  cross. 

Thrice  happy  and  ever  to  be  envied  little  Burgh !  existing 
in  all  the  security  of  harmless  insignificance — unnoticed  and 
unenvied  by  the  world,  without  ambition,  without  vainglory, 
without  riches,  without  learning,  and  all  their  train  of  carking 
cares — aiid  as  of  yore,  in  the  better  days  of  man,  the  deities 
were  wont  to  visit  him  on  earth  and  bless  his  rural  habitations, 
so  \ve  are  told,  in  the  sylvan  days  of  New  Amsterdam,  the 
good  St.  Nicholas  would  often  make  his  appearance  in  his 
beloved  city,  of  a  holiday  afternoon,  riding  jollily  among  the 
tree-tops,  or  over  the  roofs  of  the  houses,  now  and  then  draw 
ing  forth  magnificent  presents  from  his  breeches  pockets,  and 
dropping  them  down  the  chimneys  of  his  favorites.  Whereas 
in  these  degenerate  days  of  iron  and  brass  he  never  shows  us 
the  light  of  his  countenance,  nor  ever  visits  us,  save  one  night 
in  the  year ;  when  he  rattles  down  the  chimneys  of  the  de 
scendants  of  the  patriarchs,  confining  his  presents  merely  to  the 
children,  in  token  of  the  degeneracy  of  the  parents. 

Such  are  the  comfortable  and  thriving  effects  of  a  fat  gov 
ernment.  The  province  of  the  New  Netherlands,  destitute  of 
wealth,  possessed  a  sweet  tranquillity  that  wealth  could  never 
purchase.  There  were  neither  public  commotions,  nor  private 
quarrels  ;  neither  parties,  nor  sects,  nor  -  schisms  ;  neither 
persecutions,  nor  trials,  nor  punishments ;  nor  were  there 
counsellors,  attorneys,  catchpolls,  or  hangmen.  Every  man 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  163 

attended  to  what  little  business  he  was  lucky  enough  to  have, 
or  neglected  it  if  he  pleased,  without  asking  the  opinion  of  his 
neighbor.  In  those  days  nobody  meddled  with  concerns 
above  his  comprehension ;  nor  thrust  his  nose  into  other 
people's  affairs  ;  nor  neglected  to  correct  his  own  conduct,  and 
reform  his  own  character,  in  his  zeal  to  pull  to  pieces  the 
characters  of  others — but  in  a  word,  every  respectable  citizen 
eat  when  he  was  not  hungry,  drank  when  he  was  not  thirsty, 
and  went  regularly  to  bed  when  the  sun  set  and  the  fowls 
went  to  roost,  whether  he  were  sleepy  or  not ;  all  which  tend 
ed  so  remarkably  to  the  population  of  the  settlement,  that  I 
am  told  every  dutiful  wife  throughout  New  Amsterdam  made 
a  point  of  enriching  her  husband  with  at  least  one  child  a  year, 
and  very  often  a  brace — this  superabundance  of  good  things 
clearly  constituting  the  true  luxury  of  life,  according  to  the 
favorite  Dutch  maxim,  that  "  more  than  enough  constitutes 
a  feast."  Every  thing,  therefore,  wrent  on  exactly  as  it  should 
do,  and  in  the  usual  words  employed  by  historians  to  express 
the  welfare  of  a  country,  "  the  profoundest  tranquillity  and 
repose  reigned  throughout  the  province." 


CHAPTEE  III. 

HOW    THE    TOWN    OF    NEW    AMSTERDAM    AROSE    OUT    OF    MUD,    AND    CAME    TO 

BE    MARVELLOUSLY    POLISHED    AND  POLITE TOGETHER   WITH  A    PICTURE 

OF    THE    MANNERS    0V    OUR    GREAT-GREAT-GRANDFATHERS. 

"11  TANIFOLD  are  the  tastes  and  dispositions  of  the  cnlight- 
•***•  ened  literati,  who  turn  over  the  pages  of  history.  Some 
there  be  whose  hearts  are  brimful  of  the  yeast  of  courage, 
and  whose  bosoms  do  work,  and  swell,  and  foam,  with  untried 
valor,  like  a  barrel  of  new  cider,  or  a  train-band  captain,  fresh 
from  under  the  hands  of  his  tailor.  This  doughty  class  of 
readers  can  be  satisfied  with  nothing  but  bloody  battles,  and 
horrible  encounters  ;  they  must  be  continually  storming  forts, 
sacking  cities,  springing  mines,  marching  up  to  the  muzzles 
of  cannon,  charging  bayonet  through  every  page,  and  revelling 
in  gunpowder  and  carnage.  Others,  Avho  are  of  a  less  martial, 
but  equally  ardent  imagination,  and  who,  withal,  are  a  little- 
given  to  the  marvellous,  wrill  dwell  with  wondrous  satisfaction 
on  descriptions  of  prodigies,  unheard-of  events,  hair-breadth 
escapes,  hardy  adventures,  and  all  those  astonishing  narrations, 
which  just  amble  along  the  boundary  line  of  possibility.  A 
third  class,  who,  not  to  speak  slightly  of  them,  arc  of  a  lighter 
turn,  and  skim  over  the  records  of  past  times,  as  they  do  over 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  165 

the  edifying  pages  of  a  novel,  merely  for  relaxation  and  inno 
cent  amusement,  do  singularly  delight  in  treasons,  executions, 
Sabine  rapes,  Tarquin  outrages,  conflagrations,  murders,  and 
all  the  other  catalogue  of  hideous  crimes,  which  like  cayenne 
in  cookery,  do  give  a  pungency  and  flavor  to  the  dull  detail 
of  history — while  a  fourth  class,  of  more  philosophic  habits, 
do  diligently  pore  over  the  musty  chronicles  of  time,  to  in 
vestigate  the  operations  of  the  human  kind,  and  watch  the 
gradual  changes  in  men  and  manners,  effected  by  the  progress 
of  knowledge,  the  vicissitudes  of  events,  or  the  influence  of 
situation. 

If  the  three  first  classes  find  but  little  wherewithal  to 
solace  themselves  in  the  tranquil  reign  of  Wouter  Van  Twil- 
ler,  I  entreat  them  to  exert  their  patience  for  a  \vhile,  and 
bear  with  the  tedious  picture  of  happiness,  prosperity,  and 
peace,  which  my  duty  as  a  faithful  historian  obliges  me  to  draw  ; 
and  I  promise  them  that  as  soon  as  I  can  possibly  alight  on  any 
thing  horrible,  uncommon,  or  impossible,  it  shall  go  hard,  but 
I  will  make  it  afford  them  entertainment.  This  being  pre 
mised,  I  turn  with  great  complacency  to  the  fourth  class  of 
my  readers,  who  are  men,  or,  if  possible,  women  after  my  own 
heart ;  grave,  philosophical,  and  investigating  ;  fond  of  ana 
lyzing  characters,  of  taking  a  start  from  first  causes,  and  so 
hunting  a  nation  down,  through  all  the  mazes  of  innovation 
and  improvement.  Such  will  naturally  be  anxious  to  witness 
the  first  development  of  the  newly-hatched  colony,  and  the 
primitive  manners  and  customs  prevalent  among  its  inhabi 
tants,  during  the  halcyon  reign  of  Van  Twiller  or  the  Doubter. 

I  will  not  grieve  their  patience,  however,  by  describing 
minutely  the  increase  and  improvement  of  New  Amsterdam. 


166  JlISTOltY    OF   NEW    YOliK. 

Their  own  imaginations  will  doubtless  present4  to  them  the 
good  burghers,  like  so  many  painstaking  and  persevering 
beavers,  slowly  and  surely  pursuing  their  labors — they  will 
behold  the  prosperous  transformation  from  the  rude  log-hut 
to  the  stately  Dutch  mansion,  with  brick  front,  glazed  win 
dows,  and  tiled  roof;  from  the  tangled  thicket  to  the  luxu. 
riant  cabbage-garden  ;  and  from  the  skulking  Indian  to  the 
ponderous  burgomaster.  In  a  word,  they  will  picture  to 
themselves,  the  steady,  silent,  and  undeviating  march  of  pros 
perity,  incident  to  a  city  destitute  of  pride  or  ambition,  cher 
ished  by  a  fat  government,  and  whose  citizens  do  nothing  in  a 
hurry. 

The  sage  council,  as  has  been  mentioned  in  a  preceding 
chapter,  not  being  able  to  determine  upon  any  plan  for  the 
building  of  their  city — the  cows,  in  a  laudable  fit  of  patriot 
ism,  took  it  under  their  peculiar  charge,  and  as  they  went  to 
and  from  pasture,  established  paths  through  the  bushes,  on 
each  side  of  which  the  good  folks  built  their  houses  ;  which  is 
one  cause  of  the  rambling  and  picturesque  turns  and  laby 
rinths  which  distinguish  certain  streets  of  New  York  at  this 

O 

very  day. 

The  houses  of  the  higher  class  were  generally  constructed 
of  wood,  excepting  the  gable  end,  which  was  of  small  black  and 
yellow  Dutch  bricks,  and  always  faced  on  the  street,  as  our 
ancestors,  like  their  descendants,  Were  very  much  given  to 
outward  show,  and  were  noted  for  putting  the  best  leg  fore 
most.  The  house  was  always  furnished  with  abundance  of 
large  doors  and  small  windows  on  every  floor,  the  date  of  its 
erection  was  curiously  designated  by  iron  figures  on  the  front, 
and  on  the  top  of  the  roof  was  perched  a  fierce  little  weather- 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  167 

cock,  to  let  the  family  into  the  important  secret,  which  way 
the  wind  blew.  These,  like  the  weathercocks  on  the  tops  of 
our  steeples,  pointed  so  many  different  ways,  that  every  man 
could  have  a  wind  to  his  mind ; — the  most  stanch  and  loyal 
citizens,  however,  always  went  according  to  the  weathercock 
on  the  top  of  the  governor's  house,  which  was  certainly  the 
most  correct,  as  he  had  a  trusty  servant  employed  every 
morning  to  climb  up  and  set  it  to  the  right  quarter. 

In  those  good  days  of  simplicity  and  sunshine,  a  passion 
for  cleanliness  was  the  leading  principle  in  domestic  economy, 
and  the  universal  test  of  an  able  housewife — a  character  which 
formed  the  utmost  ambition  of  our  unenlightened  grandmoth 
ers.  The  front  door  was  never  opened,  except  on  marriages, 
funerals,  new  year's  days,  the  festival  of  St.  Nicholas,  or  some 
such  great  occasion.  It  was  ornamented  with  a  gorgeous 
brass  knocker,  curiously  wrought,  sometimes  in  the  device  of 
a  dog,  and  sometimes  of  a  lion's  head,  and  was  daily  burnished 
with  such  religious  zeal,  that  it  was  ofttimes  worn  out  by  the 
very  precautions  taken  for  its  preservation.  The  whole  house 
was  constantly  in  a  state  of  inundation,  under  the  discipline  of 
mops  and  brooms  and  scrubbing  brushes  ;  a-nd  the  good  house 
wives  of  those  days  were  a  kind  of  amphibious  animal,  delight 
ing  exceedingly  to  be  dabbling  in  water — insomuch  that  an 
historian  of  the  day  gravely  tells  us,  that  many  of  his  towns- 
women  grew  to  have  webbed  fingers  like  unto  a  duck  ;  and 
some  of  them,  he  had  little  doubt,  could  the  matter  be  exam 
ined  into,  would  be  found  to  have  the  tails  of  mermaids — but 
this  I  look  upon  to  be  a  mere  sport  of  fancy,  or  what  is 
worse,  a  wilful  misrepresentation. 

The  grand  parlor  was  the  sanctum  sanctorum,  where  the 


lf>'S  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

passion  for  cleaning  was  indulged  without  control.  In  this 
sacred  apartment  no  one  was  permitted  to  enter,  excepting  the 
mistress  and  her  confidential  maid,  who  visited  it  once  a  week, 
for  the  purpose  of  giving  it  a  thorough  cleaning,  and  putting 
things  to  rights — always  taking  the  precaution  of  leaving  their 
shoes  at  the  door,  and  entering  devoutly  on  their  stocking 
feet.  After  scrubbing  the  floor,  sprinkling  it  with  fine  white 
sand,  which  was  curiously  stroked  into  angles  and  curves,  and 
rhomboids  with  a  broom — after  washing  the  windows,  rubbing 
and  polishing  the  furniture,  and  putting  a  new  bunch  of  ever 
greens  in  the  fireplace — the  window  shutters  were  again 
closed  to  keep  out  the  flies,  and  the  room  carefully  locked  up 
until  the  revolution  of  time  brought  round  the  weekly  clean 
ing-day. 

As  to  the  family,  they  always  entered  in  at  the  gate,  and 
most  generally  lived  in  the  kitchen.  To  have  seen  a  numer 
ous  household  assembled  round  the  fire,  one  would  have 
imagined  that  he  Avas  transported  back  to  those  happy  days  of 
primeval  simplicity,  which  float  before  our  imaginations  like 
golden  visions.  The  fireplaces  were  of  a  truly  patriarchal 
magnitude,  where  the  whole  family,  old  and  young,  master 
and  servant,  black  and  white,  nay,  even  the  very  cat  and  dog, 
enjoyed  a  community  of  privilege,  and  had  each  a  right  to  a 
corner.  Here  the  old  burgher  would  sit  in  perfect  silence, 
puffing  his  pipe,  looking  in  the  fire  with  half  shut  eyes,  and 
thinking  of  nothing  for  hours  together ;  the  goedo  vrouw  on 
the  opposite  side  would  employ  herself  diligently  in  spinning 
yarn,  or  knitting  stockings.  The  young  folks  would  crowd 
around  the  hearth,  listening  with  breathless  attention  to  some 
old  crone  of  a  negro,  who  was  the  oracle  of  the  family,  and 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK.  169 

who,  perched  like  a  raven  in  a  corner  of  the  chimney,  would 
croak  forth  for  a  long  winter  afternoon  a  string  of  incredible 
stories  about  New  England  witches — grisly  ghosts,  horses 
without  heads — and  hair-breadth  escapes  and  bloody  encoun 
ters  among  the  Indians. 

In  those  happy  days  a  well-regulated  family  always  rose 
with  the  dawn,  dined  at  eleven,  and  went  to  bed  at  sunset. 
Dinner  was  invariably  a  private  meal,  and  the  fat  old  burgh 
ers  showed  incontestible  signs  of  disapprobation  and  uneasi 
ness  at  being  surprised  by  a  visit  from  a  neighbor  on  such 
occasions.  But  though  our  worthy  ancestors  were  thus  sin 
gularly  averse  to  giving  dinners,  yet  they  kept  up  the  social 
bands  of  intimacy  by  occasional  banquetings,  called  tea-par 
ties. 

These  fashionable  parties  were  generally  confined  to  the 
higher  classes,  or  noblesse,  that  is  to  say,  such  as  kept  their 
own  cows,  and  drove  their  own  wagons.  The  company  com 
monly  assembled  at  three  o'clock,  and  went  away  about  six, 
unless  it  was  in  winter  time,  when  the  fashionable  hours  were 
a  little  earlier,  that  the  ladies  might  get  home  before  dark. 
The  tea-table  was  crowned  with  a  huge  earthen  dish,  well 
stored  with  slices  of  fat  pork,  fried  brown,  cut  up  into  mor 
sels,  and  swimming  in  gravy.  The  company  being  seated 
round  the  genial  board,  and  each  furnished  with  a  fork,  evinced 
their  dexterity  in  launching  at  the  fattest  pieces  in  this  mighty 
dish — in  much  the  same  manner  as  sailors  harpoon  porpoises 
at  sea,  or  our  Indians  spear  salmon  in  the  lakes.  Sometimes 
the  table  was  graced  with  immense  apple  pies,  or  saucers  full 
of  preserved  peaches  and  pears ;  but  it  was  always  sure  to 
boast  an  enormous  dish  of  balls  of  sweetened  dough,  fried  in 
8 


170  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

hog's  fat,  and  called  doughnuts,  or  olykoeks — a  delicious  kind 
of  cake,  at  present  scarce  known  in  this  city,  except  in  genuine 
Dutch  families. 

The  tea  was  served  out  of  a  majestic  delft  tea-pot,  orna 
mented  with  paintings  of  fat  little  Dutch  shepherds  and  shep 
herdesses  tending  pigs — with  boats  sailing  in  the  air,  and 
houses  built  in  the  clouds,  and  sundry  other  ingenious  Dutch 
fantasies.  The  beaux  distinguished  themselves  by  their  adroit 
ness  in  replenishing  this  pot  from  a  huge  copper  tea-kettle, 
which  would  have  made  the  pigmy  macaronies  of  these  degen 
erate  days  sweat  merely  to  look  at  it.  To  sweeten  the  bev 
erage,  a  lump  of  sugar  was  laid  beside  each  cup — and  the 
company  alternately  nibbled  and  sipped  with  great  decorum, 
until  an  improvement  was  introduced  by  a  shrewd  and  eco 
nomic  old  lady,  which  was  to  suspend  a  large  lump  directly 
over  the  tea  table,  by  a  string  from  the  ceiling,  so  that  it 
could  be  swung  from  mouth  to  mouth — an  ingenious  expe 
dient,  which  is  still  kept  up  by  some  families  in  Albany  ;  but 
which  prevails  without  exception  in  Communipaw,  Bergen, 
Flatbush,  and  all  our  uncontarninated  Dutch  villages. 

At  these  primitive  tea-parties  the  utmost  propriety  and 
dignity  of  deportment  prevailed.  No  flirting  nor  coquetting 
— no  gambling  of  old  laidies  nor  hoyden  chattering  and  romp 
ing  of  young  ones — no  self-satisfied  struttings  of  wealthy  gen 
tlemen,  with  their  brains  in  their  pockets — nor  amusing  con 
ceits,  and  monkey  divcrtisements,  of  smart  young  gentlemen, 
with  no  brains  at  all.  On  the  contrary,  the  young  ladies 
seated  themselves  demurely  in  their  rush-bottomed  chairs,  and 
knit  their  own  woollen  stockings  ;  nor  ever  opened  their  lips 
excepting  to  say  yah  Mynheer,  or,  yah  ya  Vrouw,  to  any 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  171 

qucstion  that  was  asked  them ;  behaving  in  all  things,  like 
decent,  well-educated  damsels.  As  to  the  gentlemen,  each  of 
them  tranquilly  smoked  his  pipe,  and  seemed  lost  in  contem 
plation  of  the  blue  and  white  tiles  with  which  the  fireplaces 
were  decorated ;  wherein  sundry  passages  of  Scripture  were 
piously  portrayed — Tobit  and  his  dog  figured  to  great  advan- 
ta"-e  ;  Haman  swung  conspicuously  on  his  gibbet,  and  Jonah 
appeared  most  manfully  bouncing  out  of  the  whale,  like  Har 
lequin  through  a  barrel  of  fire. 

The  parties  broke  up  without  noise  and  without  confusion. 
They  were  carried  home  by  their  own  carriages,  that  is  to  say, 
by  the  vehicles  nature  had  provided  them,  excepting  such  of 
the  wealthy  as  could  afford  to  keep  a  wagon.  The  gentlemen 
gallantly  attended  their  fair  ones  to  their  respective  abodes, 
and  took  leave  of  them  with  a  hearty  smack  at  the  door  : 
which,  as  it  was  an  established  piece  of  etiquette,  done  in  per 
fect  simplicity  and  honesty  of  heart,  occasioned  no  scandal  at 
that  time,  nor  should  it  at  the  present — if  our  great-grandfa 
thers  approved  of  the  custom,  it  would  argue  a  great  want  of 
deference  in.  their  descendants  to  say  a  word  against  it. 


CHAPTER  IY. 

CONTAINING  FURTHER  PARTICULARS  OF  THE  GOLDEN  AGE,  AND  WHAT  CON 
STITUTED  A  FINE  LADY  AND  GENTLEMAN  IN  THE  DAYS  OF  WALTER  THE 
DOUBTER. 

TN  this  dulcet  period  of  my  history,  when  the  beauteous  isl- 
-*•  and  of  Manna-hata  presented  a  scene,  the  very  counterpart 
of  those  glowing  pictures  drawn  of  the  golden  reign  of  Saturn, 
there  was,  as  I  have  before  observed,  a  happy  ignorance,  an 
honest  simplicity  prevalent  among  its  inhabitants,  which, 
were  I  even  able  to  depict,  would  be  but  little  understood  by 
the  degenerate  age  for  which  I  am  doomed  to  write.  Even 
the  female  sex,  those  arch  innovators  upon  the  tranquillity, 
the  honesty,  and  gray-beard  customs  of  society,  seemed  for  a 
while  to  conduct  themselves  with  incredible  sobriety  and 
comeliness. 

Their  hair,  untortured  by  the  abominations  of  art,  was 
scrupulously  pomatumed  back  from  their  foreheads  with  a 
candle,  and  covered  with  a  little  cap  of  quilted  calico,  which 
fitted  exactly  to  their  heads.  Their  petticoats  of  linsey-wool 
sey  were  striped  with  a  variety  of  gorgeous  dyes — though  I 
must  confess  these  gallant  garments  were  rather  short,  scarce 
reaching  below  the  knee  ;  but  then  they  made  up  in  the  num- 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK.  173 

ber,  which  generally  equalled  that  of  the  gentleman's  small 
clothes ;  and  what  is  still  more  praiseworthy,  they  were  all 
of  their  own  manufacture — of  which  circumstance,  as  may  well 
be  supposed,  they  were  not  a  little  vain. 

These  were  the  honest  days  in  which  every  woman  staid 
at  home,  read  the  Bible,  and  wore  pockets — ay,  and  that  too 
of  a  goodly  size,  fashioned  with  patchwork  into  many  curious 
devices,  and  ostentatiously  worn  on  the  outside.  These,  in 
fact,  were  convenient  receptacles,  where  all  good  housewives 
carefully  stored  away  such  things  as  they  wished  to  have  at 
hand ;  by  which  means  they  often  came  to  be  incredibly 
crammed — and  I  remember  there  was  a  story  current  when  I 
was  a  boy  that  the  lady  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller  once  had 
occasion  to  empty  her  right  pocket  in  search  of  a  wooden 
ladle,  when  the  contents  filled  a  couple  of  corn  baskets,  and 
the  utensil  was  discovered  lying  among  some  rubbish  in  one 
corner — but  we  must  not  give  too  much  faith  to  all  these 
stories ;  the  anecdotes  of  those  remote  periods  being  very 
subject  to  exaggeration. 

Besides  these  notable  pockets,  they  likewise  wore  scissors 
and  pincushions  suspended  from  their  girdles  by  red  ribands, 
or  among  the  more  opulent  and  showy  classes,  by  brass,  and 
even  silver  chains — indubitable  tokens  of  thrifty  housewives 
and  industrious  spinsters.  I  cannot  say  much  in  vindication 
of  the  shortness  of  the  petticoats  ;  it  doubtless  was  introduced 
for  the  purpose  of  giving  the  stockings  a  chance  to  be  seen, 
which  were  generally  of  blue  worsted  with  magnificent  red 
clocks — or  perhaps  to  display  a  well-turned  ankle,  and  a  neat, 
though  serviceable  foot,  set  off  by  a  high-heeled  leathern  shoe, 
with  a  large  and  splendid  silver  buckle.  Thus  we  find  thafc 


HISTORY    OF    KJiW    YORK. 

the  gentle  sex  in  all  ages  have  shown  the  same  disposition 
to  infringe  a  little  upon  the  laws  of  decorum,  in  order  to  betray 
a  lurking  beauty,  or  gratify  an  innocent  love  of  finery. 

From  the  sketch  here  given,  it  will  be  seen  that  our  good 
grandmothers  differed  considerably  in  their  ideas  of  a  fine 
figure  from  their  scantily  dressed  descendants  of  the  present 
day.  A  fine  lady,  in  those  times,  waddled  under  more  clothes, 
even  on  a  fair  summer's  day,  than  would  have  clad  the  whole 
bevy  of  a  modern  ball-room.  Nor  were  they  the  less  admired 
by  the  gentlemen  in  consequence  thereof.  On  the  contrary, 
the  greatness  of  a  lover's  passion  seemed  to  increase  in  pro 
portion  to  the  magnitude  of  its  object — and  a  voluminous  dam 
sel  arrayed  in  a  dozen  of  petticoats,  was  declared  by  a  Low 
Dutch  sonneteer  of  the  province  to  be  radiant  as  a  sunflower, 
and  luxuriant  as  a  full-blown  cabbage.  Certain  it  is,  that  in 
those  days  the  heart  of  a  lover  could  not  contain  more  than 
one  lady  at  a  time ;  whereas  the  heart  of  a  modern  gallant 
has  often  room  enough  to  accommodate  half  a  dozen.  The 
reason  of  which  I  conclude  to  be,  that  either  the  hearts  of  the 
gentlemen  have  grown  larger,  or  the  persons  of  the  ladies 
smaller — this,  however,  is  a  question  for  physiologists  to  de 
termine. 

But  there  was  a  secret  charm  in  these  petticoats,  which, 
no  doubt,  entered  into  the  consideration  of  the  prudent  gal 
lants.  The  wardrobe  of  a  lady  was  in  those  days  her  only  for 
tune  ;  and  she  who  had  a  good  stock  of  petticoats  and  stockings, 
was  as  absolutely  an  heiress  as  is  a  Kamschatka  damsel  with 
a  store  of  bearskins,  or  a  Lapland  belle  with  a  plenty  of  rein 
deer.  The  ladies,  therefore,  were  very  anxious  to  display 
these  powerful  attractions  to  the  greatest  advantage ;  and  the 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  175 

best  rooms  in  the  house,  instead  of  being  adorned  with  carica 
tures  of  dame  Nature,  in  water  colors  and  needle  work,  were 
always  hung  round  with  abundance  of  homespun  garments, 
the  manufacture  and  the  property  of  the  females — a  piece  of 
laudable  ostentation  that  still  prevails  among  the  heiresses  of 
our  Dutch  villages. 

The  gentlemen,  in  fact,  who  figured  in  the  circles  of  the 
gay  world  in  these  ancient  times,  corresponded,  in  most  par 
ticulars,  with  the  beauteous  damsels  whose  smiles  they  were 
ambitious  to  deserve.  True  it  is,  their  merits  would  make 
but  a  very  inconsiderable  impression  upon  the  heart  of  a  mod 
ern  fair  ;  they  neither  drove  their  curricles,  nor  sported  their 
tandems,  for  as  yet  those  gaudy  vehicles  were  not  even  dreamt 
of — neither  did  they  distinguish  themselves  by  their  brilliancy 
at  the  table,  and  their  consequent  rencontres  with  watchmen, 
for  our  forefathers  were  of  too  pacific  a  disposition  to  need 
those  guardians  of  the  night,  every  soul  throughout  the  town 
being  sound  asleep  before  nine  o'clock.  Neither  did  they 
establish  their  claims  to  gentility  at  the  expense  of  their  tai 
lors — for  as  yet  those  offenders  against  the  pockets  of  society, 
and  the  tranquillity  of  all  aspiring  young  gentlemen,  were 
unknown  in  New  Amsterdam ;  every  good  housewife  made 
the  clothes  of  her  husband  and  family,  and  even  the  goede 
vrouw  of  Van  Twiller  himself  thought  it  no  disparagement  to 
cut  out  her  husband's  linsey-woolsey  galligaskins. 

Not  but  what  there  were  some  two  or  three  youngsters 
who  manifested  the  first  dawning  of  what  is  called  fire  and 
spirit ;  who  held  all  labor  in  contempt ;  skulked  about  docks 
and  market-places ;  loitered  in  the  sunshine  ;  squandered  what 
little  money  they  could  procure  at  hustle-cap  and  chuck-far- 


170  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

thing ;  swore,  boxed,  fought  cocks,  and  raced  their  neighbor's 
horses — in  short,  who  promised  to  be  the  wonder,  the  talk, 
and  abomination  of  the  town,  had  not  their  stylish  career  been 
unfortunately  cut  short  by  an  affair  of  honor  with  a  whipping 
post. 

Far  other,  however,  was  the  truly  fashionable  gentleman 
of  those  days — his  dress,  which  served  for  both  morning  and 
evening,  street  and  drawing-room,  was  a  linsey-woolsey  coat, 
made,  perhaps,  by  the  fair  hands  of  the  mistress  of  his  affec 
tions,  and  gallantly  bedecked  with  abundance  of  large  brass 
buttons — half  a  score  of  breeches  heightened  the  proportions 
of  his  figure — his  shoes  were  decorated  by  enormous  copper 
buckles — a  low-crowned  broad-rimmed  hat  overshadowed  his 
burly  visage,  and  his  hair  dangled  down  his  back  in  a  prodi 
gious  queue  of  cclskin. 

Thus  equipped,  he  would  manfully  sally  forth  with  pipe 
in  mouth  to  besiege  some  fair  damsel's  obdurate  heart — not 
such  a  pipe,  good  reader,  as  that  which  Acis  did  sweetly  tune 
in  praise  of  his  Galatea,  but  one  of  true  Delft  manufacture, 
and  furnished  with  a  charge  of  fragrant  tobacco.  With  this 
wrould  he  resolutely  set  himself  down  before  the  fortress,  and 
rarely  failed,  in  the  process  of  time,  to  smoke  the  fair  enemy 
into  a  surrender,  upon  honorable  terms. 

Such  was  the  happy  reign  of  "VVouter  Van  Twiller,  cele 
brated  in  many  a  long  forgotten  song  as  the  real  golden  age, 
the  rest  being  nothing  but  counterfeit  copper-washed  coin. 
In  that  delightful  period,  a  sweet  and  holy  calm  reigned  over 
the  whole  province.  The  burgomaster  smoked  his  pipe  in 
peace — the  substantial  solace  of  his  domestic  cares,  after  her 
daily  toils  were  done,  sat  soberly  at  the  door,  with  her  arms 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  177 

crossed  over  her  apron  of  snowy  white,  without  being  insulted 
with  ribald  street  walkers  or  vagabond  boys — those  unlucky 
urchins  who  do  so  infest  our  streets,  displaying,  under  the 
roses  of  youth,  the  thorns  and  briers  of  iniquity.  Then  it  was 
that  the  lover  writh  ten  breeches,  and  the  damsel  with  petti 
coats  of  half  a  score,  indulged  in  all  the  innocent  endearments 
of  virtuous  love  without  fear  and  without  reproach  ;  for  what 
had  that  virtue  to  fear,  which  was  defended  by  a  shield  of  good 
linsey-woolseys,  equal  at  least  to  the  seven  bull  hides  of  the 
invincible  Ajax  1 

Ah  blissful,  and  never  to  be  forgotten  age  !  when  every 
thing  was  better  than  it  has  ever  been  since,  or  ever  will  be 
again — when  Buttermilk  Channel  was  quite  dry  at  low  water 
— when  the  shad  in  the  Hudson  were  all  salmon,  and  when 
the  moon  shone  with  a  pure  and  resplendent  whiteness,  instead 
of  that  melancholy  yellow  light  which  is  the  consequence  of 
her  sickening  at  the  abominations  she  every  night  witnesses 
in  this  degenerate  city  ! 

Happy  would  it  have  been  for  New  Amsterdam  could  it 
always  have  existed  in  this  state  of  blissful  ignorance  and 
lowly  simplicity,  but  alas  !  the  days  of  childhood  are  too 
sweet  to  last !  Cities,  like  men,  grow  out  of  them  in  time, 
and  are  doomed  alike  to  grow  into  the  bustle,  the  cares,  and 
miseries  of  the  world.  Let  no  man  congratulate  himself, 
when  he  beholds  the  child  of  his  bosom  or  the  city  of  his  birth 
increasing  in  magnitude  and  importance — let  the  history  of  his 
own  life  teach  him  the  dangers  of  the  one,  and  this  excellent 
little  history  of  Manna-hata  convince  him  of  the  calamities  of 
the  other. 

8* 


CHAPTER  Y. 


OF    THE    FOUNDING    OF     FORT    AURANIA OF    THE    MYSTERIES    OF   THE    HUD 
SON OF    THE    ARRIVAL    OF    THE    PATROON    KILLIAN    VAN    RENSSELAER  ; 

HIS    LORDLY     DESCENT     UPON     THE    EARTH,    AND    HIS     INTRODUCTION    OF 
CLUB-LAW. 


TT  has  already  been  mentioned  that,  in  the  early  times  of 
"-  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  a  frontier  post,  or  trading  house, 
called  Fort  Aurania,  had  been  established  on  the  upper  waters 
of  the  Hudson,  precisely  on  the  site  of  the  present  venerable 
city  of  Albany  ;  which  was  at  that  time  considered  at  the  very 
end  of  the  habitable  world.  It  was,  indeed,  a  remote  posses 
sion  with  which,  for  a  long  time,  New  Amsterdam  held  but 
little  intercourse.  Now  and  then  the  "  Company's  Yacht,"  as 
it  was  called,  was  sent  to  the  fort  with  supplies,  and  to  bring 
away  the  peltries  which  had  been  purchased  of  the  Indians. 
It  was  like  an  expedition  to  the  Indias,  or  the  North  Pole,  and 
always  made  great  talk  in  the  settlement.  Sometimes  an 
.adventurous  burgher  would  accompany  the  expedition,  to  the 
great  uneasiness  of  his  friends ;  but,  on  his  return,  had  so 
many  stories  to  tell  of  storms  and  tempests  on  the  Tappan 
Zee  ;  of  hobgoblins  in  the  Highlands  and  at  the  Devils  Dans 
Kammer,  and  of  all  the  other  wonders  and  perils  with  which 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 


179 


the  river  abounded  in  those  early  days,  that  he  deterred 
the  less  adventurous  inhabitants  from  following  his  ex 
ample. 

Matters  were  in  this  state,  when,  one  clay,  as  Walter  the 
Doubter  and  his  burgermeesters  were  smoking  and  pondering 
over  the  affairs  of  the  province,  they  were  roused  by  the  re 
port  of  a  cannon.  Sallying  forth,  they  beheld  a  strange  vessel 
at  anchor  in  the  bay.  It  was  unquestionably  of  Dutch  build  ; 
broad  bottomed  and  high  pooped,  and  bore  the  flag  of  their 
High  Mightinesses  at  the  mast-head. 

After  a  while  a  boat  put  off  for  land,  and  a  stranger 
stepped  on  shore,  a  lofty,  lordly  land  of  man,  tall  and  dry, 
with  a  meagre  face,  furnished  with  huge  moustaches.  He  was 
clad  in  Flemish  doublet  and  hose,  and  an  insufferably  tall  hat 
with  a  cocktail  feather.  Such  was  the  patroon  Killian  Van 
Rensellaer,  who  had  come  out  from  Holland  to  found  a  colony 
or  patroonship  on  a  great  tract  of  wild  land,  granted  to  him 
by  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General,  in  the 
upper  regions  of  the  Hudson. 

Killian  Van  Renscllaer  was  a  nine  days'  wonder  in  New 
Amsterdam  ;  for  he  carried  a  high  head,  looked  down  upon 
the  portly,  short-legged  burgomasters,  and  owned  no  alle 
giance  to  the  governor  himself;  boasting  that  he  held  his 
patroonship  directly  from  the  Lords  States  General. 

He  tarried  but  a  short  time  in  New  Amsterdam  ;  merely 
to  beat  up  recruits  for  his  colony.  Few,  however,  ventured 
to  enlist  for  those  remote  and  savage  regions  ;  and  when  they 
embarked,  their  friends  took  leave  of  them  as  if  they  should 
never  see  them  more ;  and  stood  gazing  with  tearful  eye  as 
the  stout,  round-sterned  little  vessel  ploughed  and  splashed  its 


180  IIISTOKY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

way  up  the  Hudson,  with  great  noise  and  little  progress,  tak 
ing  nearly  a  day  to  get  out  of  sight  of  the  city. 

And  now,  from  time  to  time,  floated  down  tidings  to  the 
Manhattoes  of  the  growing  importance  of  this  new  colony. 
Every  account  represented  Killian  Van  Rcnscllaer  as  rising 
in  importance  and  becoming  a  mighty  patroon  in  the  land. 
He  had  received  more  recruits  from  Holland.  His  patroon- 
ship  of  Rcnsellaerwick  lay  immediately  below  Fort  Aurania, 
and  extended  for  several  miles  on  each  side  of  the  Hudson, 
beside  embracing  the  mountainous  region  of  the  Helderberg. 
Over  all  this  he  claimed  to  hold  separate  jurisdiction  indepen 
dent  of  the  colonial  authorities  of  New  Amsterdam. 

All  these  assumptions  of  authority  were  duly  reported  to 
Governor  Van  Twiller  and  his  council,  by  dispatches  from 
Fort  Aurania ;  at  each  new  report  the  governor  and  his  coun 
sellors  looked  at  each  other,  raised  their  eyebrows,  gave  an 
extra  puff  or  two  of  smoke,  and  then  relapsed  into  their  usual 
tranquillity. 

At  length  tidings  came  that  the  patroon  of  Rensellacrwick 
had  extended  his  usurpations  along  the  river,  beyond  the  lim 
its  granted  him  by  their  High  Mightinesses  ;  and  that  he  had 
even  seized  upon  a  rocky  island  in  the  Hudson,  commonly 
known  by  the  name  of  Beam  or  Bear's  Island  ;  where  he  was 
erecting  a  fortress  to  be  called  by  the  lordly  name  of  Rensel- 
laerstein. 

Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  roused  by  this  intelligence. 
After  consulting  with  his  burgomasters,  he  dispatched  a  letter 
to  the  patroon  of  Rensellaerwick,  demanding  by  what  right  he 
had  seized  upon  this  island,  which  lay  beyond  the  bounds  of 
his  patroonship.  The  answer  of  Killian  Van  Rensellaer  was 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  181 

in  his  own  lordly  style,  "  By  wapcn  reclit !  "  that  is  to  say,  by 
the  right  of  arms,  or,  in  common  parlance,  by  club-law.  This 
answer  plunged  the  worthy  Wouter  in  one  of  the  deepest 
doubts  he  had  in  the  whole  course  of  his  administration  ;  in 
the  meantime,  while  Wouter  doubted,  the  lordly  Killian  went 
on  to  finish  his  fortress  of  Eensellaerstein,  about  which  I  fore 
see  I  shall  have  something  to  record  in  a  future  chapter  of  this 
most  eventful  history. 


CHAPTER  YL 

IN   WHICH    THE     READER     IS    BEGUILED    INTO    A    DELECTABLE    WALK,    WHICH 
ENDS    VERY    DIFFERENTLY    FROM    WHAT    IT    COMMENCED. 

TN  the  year  of  our  Lord  one  thousand  eight  hundred  and 
-*-  four,  on  a  fine  afternoon  in  the  glowing  month  of  Septem 
ber,  I  took  my  customary  walk  upon  the  battery,  which  is 
at  once  the  pride  and  bulwark  of  this  ancient  and  impregnable 
city  of  New  York.  The  ground  on  which  I  trod  was  hallowed 
by  recollections  of  the  past,  and  as  I  slowly  wandered  through 
the  long  alley  of  poplars,  which,  like  so  many  birch  brooms 
standing  on  end,  diffused  a  melancholy  and  lugubrious  shade, 
my  imagination  drew  a  contrast  between  the  surrounding 
scenery,  and  what  it  was  in  the  classic  days  of  our  forefathers. 
Where  the  government  house  by  name,  but  the  custom  house 
by  occupation,  proudly  reared  its  brick  walls  and  wooden  pil 
lars,  there  whilom  stood  the  low,  but  .substantial,  red-tiled 
mansion  of  the  renowned  "Woutcr  Van  Twiller.  Around  it 
the  mighty  bulwarks  of  Fort  Amsterdam  frowned  defiance  to 
every  absent  foe ;  but,  like  many  a  whiskered  warrior  and 
gallant  militia  captain,  confined  their  martial  deeds  to  frowns 
alone.  The  mud  breastworks  had  long  been  levelled  with  the 
earth,  and  their  site  converted  into  the  green  lawns  and  leafy 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  183 

alleys  of  the  battery  ;  where  the  gay  apprentice  sported  his 
Sunday  coat,  and  the  laborious  mechanic,  relieved  from  the 
dirt  and  drudgery  of  the  week,  poured  his  weekly  tale  of  love 
into  the  half  averted  ear  of  the  sentimental  chambermaid. 
The  capacious  bay  still  presented  the  same  expansive  sheet  of 
water,  studded  with  islands,  sprinkled  with  fishing  boats,  and 
bounded  by  shores  of  picturesque  beauty.  But  the  dark  for 
ests  which  once  clothed  those  shores  had  been  violated  by  the 
savage  hand  of  cultivation,  and  their  tangled  mazes,  and  im 
penetrable  thickets,  had  degenerated  into  teeming  orchards  and 
waving  fields  of  grain.  Even  Governor's  Island,  once  a  smiling 
garden,  appertaining  to  the  sovereigns  of  the  province,  was 
now  covered  with  fortifications,  inclosing  a  tremendous  block 
house — so  that  this  once  peaceful  island  resembled  a  fierce 
little  warrior  in  a  big  cocked  hat,  breathing  gunpowder  and 
defiance  to  the  world  ! 

For  some  time  did  I  indulge  in  a  pensive  train  of  thought ; 
contrasting,  in  sober  sadness,  the  present  day  with  the  hal 
lowed  years  behind  the  mountains  ;  lamenting  the  melancholy 
progress  of  improvement,  and  praising  the  zeal  with  which 
our  worthy  burghers  endeavored  to  preserve  the  wrecks  of 
venerable  customs,  prejudices,  and  errors,  from  the  over 
whelming  tide  of  modern  innovation — when  by  degrees  my 
ideas  took  a  different  turn,  and  I  insensibly  awakened  to  an 
enjoyment  of  the  beauties  around  me. 

It  was  one  of  those  rich  autumnal  days  which  heaven  par 
ticularly  bestows  upon  the  beauteous  island  of  Manna-hata 
and  its  vicinity — not  a  floating  cloud  obscured  the  azure  fir 
mament — the  sun,  rolling  in  glorious  splendor,  through  his 
ethereal  course,  seemed  to  expand  his  honest  Dutch  counte- 


1S4:  HISTOKY   OF   NEW   YOKK. 

nance  into  an  unusual  expression  of  benevolence,  as  he  smiled 
his  evening  salutation  upon  a  city  -which  he  delights  to  visit 
with  his  most  bounteous  beams — the  very  winds  seemed  to 
hold  in  their  breaths  in  mute  attention,  lest  they  should  ruflle 
the  tranquillity  of  the  hour — and  thewaveless  bosom  of  the  bay 
presented  a  polished  mirror,  in  which  nature  beheld  herself 
and  smiled.  The  standard  of  our  city,  reserved  like  a  choice 
handkerchief,  for  days  of  gala,  hung  motionless  on  the  flag-staff, 
which  forms  the  handle  of  a  gigantic  churn  ;  and  even  the  trem 
ulous  leaves  of  the  poplar  and  the  aspen  ceased  to  vibrate  to 
the  breath  of  heaven.  Every  thing  seemed  to  acquiesce  in  the 
profound  repose  of  nature.  The  formidable  cighteen-pounders 
slept  in  the  embrazures  of  the  wooden  batteries,  seemingly 
gathering  fresh  strength  to  fight  the  battles  of  their  country 
on  the  next  fourth  of  July — the  solitary  drum  on  Governor's 
Island  forgot  to  call  the  garrison  to  their  shovels — the  evening 
gun  had  not  yet  sounded  its  signal  for  all  the  regular  well- 
meaning  poultry  throughout  the  country  to  go  to  roost ;  and 
the  fleet  of  canoes  at  anchor  between  Gibbet  Island  and  Com- 
munipaw,  slumbered  on  their  rakes,  and  suffered  the  innocent 
oysters  to  lie  for  a  while  unmolested  in  the  soft  mud  of  their 
native  banks  ! — My  own  feelings  sympathized  with  the  conta 
gious  tranquillity,  and  I  should  infallibly  have  dozed  upon  one 
of  those  fragments  of  benches,  which  our  benevolent  magis 
trates  have  provided  for  the  benefit  of  convalescent  loungers, 
had  not  the  extraordinary  inconvenience  of  the  couch  set  all 
repose  at  defiance. 

In  the  midst  of  this  slumber  of  the  soul,  my  attention  was 
attracted  to  a  black  speck,  peering  above  the  western  hori/on. 
just  in  the  rear  of  Bergen  steeple — gradually  it  augments  ;;n<l 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  185 

overhangs  the  would-be  cities  of  Jersey,  Harsimus,  and  Hobo- 
ken,  which,  like  three  jockies,  are  starting  on  the  course  of 
existence,  and  jostling  each  other  at  the  commencement  of  the 
race.  Now  it  skirts  the  long  shore  of  ancient  Pavonia, 
spreading  its  wide  shadows  from  the  high  settlements  of  Wee- 
hawk  quite  to  the  lazaretto  and  quarantine  erected  by  the 
sagacity  of  our  police,  for  the  embarrassment  of  commerce — 
now  it  climbs  the  serene  vault  of  heaven,  cloud  rolling  over 
cloud,  shrouding  the  orb  of  day,  darkening  the  vast  expanse, 
and  bearing  thunder  and  hail  and  tempest  in  its  bosom.  The 
earth  seems  agitated  at  the  confusion  of  the  heavens — the  late 
waveless  mirror  is  lashed  into  furious  waves  that  roll  in  hol 
low  murmurs  to  the  shore — the  oyster  boats  that  erst  sported 
in  the  placid  vicinity  of  Gibbet  Island,  now  hurry  affrighted 
to  the  land — the  poplar  writhes  and  twists  and  whistles  in  the 
blast — torrents  of  drenching  rain  and  sounding  hail  deluge  the 
battery  walks — the  gates  are  thronged  by  apprentices,  servant 
maids  and  little  Frenchmen,  with  pocket  handkerhiefs  over 
their  hats,  scampering  from  the  storm — the  late  beauteous 
prospect  presents  one  scene  of  anarchy  and  wrild  uproar,  as 
though  old  Chaos  had  resumed  his  reign,  and  was  hurling  back 
into  one  vast  turmoil  the  conflicting  elements  of  nature. 

Whether  I  fled  from  the  fury  of  the  storm,  or  remained 
boldly  at  my  post,  as  our  gallant  train-band  captains,  who 
march  their  soldiers  through  the  rain  without  flinching,  are 
points  which  I  leave  to  the  conjecture  of  the  reader.  It  is 
possible  he  may  be  a  little  perplexed  also  to  know  the  reason 
why  I  introduced  this  tremendous  tempest  to  disturb  the  se 
renity  of  my  work.  On  this  latter  point  I  will  gratuitously 
instruct  his  ignorance.  The  panorama  view  of  the  battery 


186  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

was  given  merely  to  gratify  the  reader  with  a  eorrect  descrip 
tion  of  that  celebrated  place,  and  the  parts  adjacent — secondly, 
the  storm  was  played  off  partly  to  give  a  little  bustle  and  life 
to  this  tranquil  part  of  my  work,  and  to  keep  my  drowsy 
readers  from  falling  asleep — and  partly  to  serve  as  an  over 
ture  to  the  tempestuous  times  which  are  about  to  assail  the 
pacific  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts — and  which  overhang 
the  slumbrous  administration  of  the  renowned  Wouter  Van 
Twiller.  It  is  thus  the  experienced  playwright  puts  all  the 
fiddles,  the  French-horns,  the  kettle-drums,  and  trumpets  of 
his  orchestra  in  requisition,  to  usher  in  one  of  those  horrible 
and  brimstone  uproars  called  Melodrames — and  it  is  thus  he 
discharges  his  thunder,  his  lightning,  his  rosin,  and  saltpetre, 
preparatory  to  the  rising  of  a  ghost  or  the  murdering  of  a 
hero.  "We  will  now  proceed  with  our  history. 

Whatever  may  be  advanced  by  philosophers  to  the  con 
trary,  I  am  of  opinion  that,  as  to  nations,  the  old  maxim,  that 
"  honesty  is  the  best  policy,"  is  a  sheer  and  ruinous  mistake. 
It  might  have  answered  well  enough  in  the  honest  times  when 
it  was  made ;  but  in  these  degenerate  days,  if  a  nation  pre 
tends  to  rely  merely  upon  the  justice  of  its  dealings,  it  will 
fare  something  like  the  honest  man  who  fell  among  thieves, 
and  found  his  honesty  a  poor  protection  against  bad  company. 
Such,  at  least,  was  the  case  with  the  guileless  government  of 
the  New  Netherlands  ;  which,  like  a  worthy  unsuspicious  old 
burgher,  quietly  settled  itself  down  in  the  city  of  New  Am 
sterdam,  as  into  a  snug  elbow-chair — and  fell  into  a  comfort 
able  nap — while,  in  the  meantime,  its  cunning  neighbors  step 
ped  in  and  picked  its  pockets.  In  a  word,  we  may  ascribe 
the  commencement  of  all  the  woes  of  this  great  province,  and 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  187 

its  magnificent  metropolis,  to  the  tranquil  security,  or,  to 
speak  more  accurately,  to  the  unfortunate  honesty  of  its  gov 
ernment.  But  as  I  dislike  to  begin  an  important  part  of  my 
history  towards  the  end  of  a  chapter,  and  as  my  readers,  like 
myself,  must  doubtless  be  exceedingly  fatigued  with  the  long 
walk  we  have  taken,  and  the  tempest  we  have  sustained — I 
hold  it  meet  we  shut  up  the  book,  smoke  a  pipe,  and  having 
thus  refreshed  our  spirits,  take  a  fair  start  in  a  new  chapter. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

FAITHFULLY     DESCRIBING     THE     INGENIOUS     PEOPLE    OF     CONNECTICUT    AND 

THEREABOUTS SHOWING,  MOREOVER,   THE    TRUE    MEANING    OF    LIBERTY 

OF  CONSCIENCE,  AND  A  CURIOUS  DEVICE  AMONG  THESE  STURDY  BAR 
BARIANS,  TO  KEEP  UP  A  HARMONY  OF  INTERCOURSE,  AND  PROMOTE 
POPULATION. 

npIIAT  my  readers  may  the  more  fully  comprehend  the 
*•  •  extent  of  the  calamity,  at  this  very  moment  impending 
over  the  honest,  unsuspecting  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts, 
and  its  dubious  governor,  it  is  necessary  that  I  should  give 
some  account  of  a  horde  of  strange  barbarians,  bordering  upon 
the  eastern  frontier 

Now  so  it  came  to  pass,  that  many  years  previous  to  the 
time  of  which  we  are  treating,  the  sage  cabinet  of  England 
had  adopted  a  certain  national  creed,  a  kind  of  public  walk  of 
faith,  or  rather  a  religious  turnpike,  in  which  every  loyal  sub 
ject  was  directed  to  travel  to  Zion — taking  care  to  pay  the 
toll-gatherers  by  the  way. 

Albeit  a  certain  shrewd  race  of  men,  being  very  much 
given  to  indulge  their  own  opinions  on  all  manner  of  subjects 
(a  propensity  exceedingly  offensive  to  your  free  governments 
of  Europe),  did  most  presumptuously  dare  to  think  for  them 
selves  in  matters  of  religion,  exercising  what  they  considered 


illSTOllY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  189 

a  natural  and  imextinguishablc  right — the  liberty  of  eon- 
science. 

As,  however,  they  possessed  that  ingenuous  habit  of  mind 
which  always  thinks  aloud ;  which  rides  cock-a-hoop  on  the 
tongue,  and  is  forever  galloping  into  other  people's  ears,  it 
naturally  followed  that  their  liberty  of  conscience  likewise 
implied  liberty  of  speech,  which  being  freely  indulged,  soon 
put  the  country  in  a  hubbub,  and  aroused  the  pious  indigna 
tion  of  the  vigilant  fathers  of  the  church. 

The  usual  methods  were  adopted  to  reclaim  them,  which 
in  those  days  were  considered  efficacious  in  bringing  back 
stray  sheep  to  the  fold  ;  that  is  to  say,  they  were  coaxed,  they 
were  admonished,  they  were  menaced,  they  were  buffeted — 
line  upon  line,  precept  upon  precept,  lash  upon  lash,  here  a 
little  and  there  a  great  deal,  were  exhorted  without  mercy 
and  without  success  ;  until  the  worthy  pastors  of  the  church, 
wearied  out  by  their  unparalleled  stubbornness,  were  driven, 
in  the  excess  of  their  tender  mercy,  to  adopt  the  Scripture 
text,  and  literally  to  "  heap  live  embers  on  their  heads." 

Nothing,  however,  could  subdue  that  independence  of  the 
tongue  which  has  ever  distinguished  this  singular  race,  so  that 
rather  than  subject  that  heroic  member  to  further  tyranny, 
they  one  and  all  embarked  for  the  wilderness  of  America,  to 
enjoy,  unmolested,  the  inestimable  right  of  talking.  And,  in 
fact,  no  sooner  did  they  land  upon  the  shore  of  this  free- 
spoken  country,  than  they  all  lifted  up  their  voices,  and  made 
such  a  clamor  of  tongues,  that  we  are  told  they  frightened 
every  bird  and  beast  out  of  the  neighborhood,  and  struck  such 
mute  terror  into  certain  fish,  that  they  have  been  called  dumb- 
Jish  ever  since. 


190  IIISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

This  may  appear  marvellous,  but  it  is  nevertheless  true,  in 
proof  of  which  I  would  observe,  that  the  dumb-fish  has  ever 
since  become  an  object  of  superstitious  reverence,  and  forms 
the  Saturday's  dinner  of  every  true  Yankee. 

The  simple  aborigines  of  the  land  for  a  while  contem 
plated  these  strange  folk  in  utter  astonishment,  but  discover 
ing  that  they  wielded  harmless,  though  noisy  weapons,  and 
were  a  lively,  ingenious,  good-humored  race  of  men,  they  be 
came  very  friendly  and  sociable,  and  gave  them  the  name  of 
Yanokies,  which  in  the  Mais-Tchusaeg  (or  Massachusett)  lan 
guage  signifies  silent  men — a  waggish  appellation,  since  short 
ened  into  the  familiar  epithet  of  YANKEES,  which  they  retain 
unto  the  present  day. 

True  it  is,  and  my  fidelity  as  an  historian  will  not  allow  mo 
to  pass  over  the  fact,  that  having  served  a  regular  apprentice 
ship  in  the  school  of  persecution,  these  ingenious  people  soon 
showed  that  they  had  become  masters  of  the  art.  The  great 
majority  were  of  one  particular  mode  of  thinking  in  matters 
of  religion  ;  but  to  their  great  surprise  and  indignation,  they 
found  that  divers  papists,  quakers  and  anabaptists  were 
springing  up  among  them,  and  all  claiming  to  use  the  liberty 
of  speech.  This  was  at  once  pronounced  a  daring  abuse  of  the 
liberty  of  conscience ;  which  they  now  insisted  was  nothing 
more  than  the  liberty  to  think  as  one  pleased  in  matters  of 
religion — provided  one  thought  right ;  for  otherwise  it  would 
be  giving  a  latitude  to  damnable  heresies.  Now  as  they,  the 
majority,  were  convinced  that  they  alone  thought  right,  it 
consequently  followed,  that  whoever  thought  different  from 
them  thought  wrong — and  whoever  thought  wrong,  and  obsti 
nately  persisted  in  not  being  convinced  and  converted,  was  a 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  191 

flagrant  violator  of  the  inestimable  liberty  of  conscience,  and 
a  corrupt  and  infectious  member  of  the  body  politic,  and  de 
served  to  be  lopped  off  and  cast  into  the  fire.  The  conse 
quence  of  all  which  was  a  fiery  persecution  of  divers  sects, 
and  especially  of  quakers. 

Now  I'll  warrant  there  are  hosts  of  my  readers,  ready  at 
once  to  lift  up  their  hands  and  eyes,  with  that  virtuous  indig 
nation  with  which  we  contemplate  the  faults  and  errors  of  our 
neighbors,  and  to  exclaim  at  the  preposterous  idea  of  convinc 
ing  the  mind  by  tormenting  the  body,  and  establishing  the 
doctrine  of  charity  and  forbearance  by  intolerant  persecution. 
But  in  simple  truth,  what  are  we  doing  at  this  very  day,  and  in 
this  very  enlightened  nation,  but  acting  upon  the  very  same 
principle  in  our  political  controversies  ?  Have  we  not  within 
but  a  few  years  released  ourselves  from  the  shackles  of  a  gov 
ernment  which  cruelly  denied  us  the  privilege  of  governing 
ourselves,  and  using  in  full  latitude,  that  invaluable  member, 
the  tongue  ?  and  are  we  not  at  this  very  moment  striving  our 
best  to  tyrannize  over  the  opinions,  tie  up  the  tongues,  and 
ruin  the  fortunes  of  one  another  ?  What  are  our  great  polit 
ical  societies,  but  mere  political  inquisitions — our  pot-house 
committees  but  little  tribunals  of  denunciation' — our  news 
papers  but  mere  whipping-posts  and  pillories,  where  unfortu 
nate  individuals  are  pelted  with  rotten  eggs — and  our  council 
of  appointment,  but  a  grand  auto  da  fe,  where  culprits  are 
annually  sacrificed  for  their  political  heresies  ? 

Where,  then,  is  the  difference  in  principle  between  our 
measures  and  those  you  arc  so  ready  to  condemn  among  the 
people  I  am  treating  of?  There  is  none;  the  difference  is 
meivly  circumstantial.  Thus  we  denounce,  instead  of  banish- 


192  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

ing — we  libel,  instead  of  scourging — we  turn  out  of  office,  in 
stead  of  hanging — and  where  they  burnt  an  offender  in  proper 
person,  we  either  tar  and  feather  or  burn  him  in  effigy — this 
political  persecution  being,  somehow  or  other,  the  grand  palla 
dium  of  our  liberties,  and  an  incontrovertible  proof  that  this 
is  a  free  country  ! 

But  notwithstanding  the  fervent  zeal  with  which  this  holy 
war  wras  prosecuted  against  the  whole  race  of  unbelievers,  we 
do  not  find  that  the  population  of  this  new  colony  was  in  any 
wise  hindered  thereby  ;  on  the  contrary,  they  multiplied  to  a 
degree  which  would  be  incredible  to  any  man  unacquainted 
with  the  marvellous  fecundity  of  this  growing  country. 

This  amazing  increase  may,  indeed,  be  partly  ascribed  to 
a  singular  custom  prevalent  among  them,  commonly  known 
by  the  name  of  bundling — a  superstitious  rite  observed  by 
the  young  people  of  both  sexes,  with  which  they  usually  ter 
minated  their  festivities  ;  and  which  was  kept  up  with  reli 
gious  strictness  by  the  more  bigoted  part  of  the  community. 
This  ceremony  was  likewise,  in  those  primitive  times,  consid 
ered  as  an  indispensable  preliminary  to  matrimony ;  their 
courtships  commencing  where  ours  usually  finish — by  which 
means  they  acquired  that  intimate  acquaintance  with  each 
other's  good  qualities  before  marriage,  which  has  been  pro 
nounced  by  philosophers  the  sure  basis  of  a  happy  union. 
Thus  early  did  this  cunning  and  ingenious  people  display  a 
shrewdness  of  making  a  bargain,  which  has  ever  since  distin 
guished  them — and  a  strict  adherence  to  the  good  old  vulgar 
maxim  about  "  buying  a  pig  in  a  poke." 

To  this  sagacious  custom,  therefore,  do  I  chiefly  attribute 
the  unparalleled  increase  of  the  Yanokie  or  Yankee  race ;  for 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  193 

it  is  a  certain  fact,  well  authenticated  by  court  records  and  par 
ish  registers,  that  wherever  the  practice  of  bundling  prevailed, 
there  was  an  amazing  number  of  sturdy  brats  annually  born 
unto  the  State,  without  the  license  of  the  law,  or  the  benefit  of 
clergy.  Neither  did  the  irregularity  of  their  birth  operate  in 
the  least  to  their  disparagement.  On  the  contrary,  they  grew 
up  a  long-sided,  raw-boned,  hardy  race  of  whoreson  whalers, 
wood-cutters,  fishermen,  and  peddlers,  and  strapping  corn-fed 
wenches ;  who  by  their  united  efforts  tended  marvellously 
towards  peopling  those  notable  tracts  of  country  called  Nan- 
tucket,  Piscataway,  and  Cape  Cod. 


CHAPTER  Yin. 

HOW  THESE  SINGULAR  BARBARIANS  TURNED  OUT  TO  DE  NOTORIOUS  SQUAT 
TERS — HOW  THEY  BUILT  AIR  CASTLES,  AND  ATTEMPTED  TO  INITIATE 
THE  NEDERLANDERS  INTO  THE  MYSTERY  OF  BUNDLING. 

TN  the  last  chapter  I  have  given  a  faithful  and  unprejudiced 
L  account  of  the  origin  of  that  singular  race  of  people,  inhab 
iting  the  country  eastward  of  the  Nieuw  Nedcrlandts ;  but  I 
have  yet  to  mention  certain  peculiar  habits  which  rendered 
them  exceedingly  annoying  to  our  ever-honored  Dutch  ances 
tors. 

The  most  prominent  of  these  was  a  certain  rambling  pro 
pensity,  with  which,  like  the  sons  of  Ishmael,  they  seem  to 
have  been  gifted  by  heaven,  and  which  continually  goads  them 
on,  to  shift  their  residence  from  place  to  place,  so  that  a  Yan 
kee  farmer  is  in  a  constant  state  of  migration  ;  tarryiny  occa 
sionally  here  and  there ;  clearing  lands  for  other  people  to 
enjoy,  building  houses  for  others  to  inhabit,  and  in  a  manner 
may  be  considered  the  wandering  Arab  of  America. 

His  first  thought,  on  coming  to  years  of  manhood,  is  to 
settle  himself  in  the  world — which  means  nothing  more  nor 
less  than  to  begin  his  rambles.  To  this  end  he  takes  unto 
himself  for  a  wife  some  buxom  country  heiress,  passing  rich 


HISTORY   OF   NEW   YOEK.  195 

in  red  ribbons,  glass  beads,  and  mock  tortoise-shell  combs, 
with  a  white  go\vn  and  morocco  shoes  for  Sunday,  and  deeply 
skilled  in  the  mystery  of  making  apple  sweatmeats,  long 
sauce,  and  pumpkin  pie. 

Having  thus  provided  himself,  like  a  peddler  with  a  heavy 
knapsack,  wherewith  to  regale  his  shoulders  through  the  jour 
ney  of  life,  he  literally  sets  out  on  the  peregrination.  His 
whole  family,  household  furniture,  and  farming  utensils,  are 
hoisted  into  a  covered  cart ;  his  own  and  his  wife's  wardrobe 
packed  up  in  a  firkin — which  done,  he  shoulders  his  axe,  takes 
staff  in  hand,  whistles  "  Yankee  doodle,"  and  trudges  off  to  the 
woods,  as  confident  of  the  protection  of  Providence,  and  rely 
ing  as  cheerfully  upon  his  own  resources,  as  ever  did  a  patri 
arch  of  yore,  when  he  journeyed  into  a  strange  country  of  the 
Gentiles.  Having  buried  himself  in  the  wilderness,  he  builds 
himself  a  log  hut,  clears  away  a  cornfield  and  potato  patch, 
and  Providence  smiling  upon  his  labors,  is  soon  surrounded 
by  a  snug  farm  and  some  half  a  score  of  flaxen-headed  urchins, 
who,  by  their  size,  seem  to  have  sprung  all  at  once  out  of  the 
earth,  like  a  crop  of  toadstools. 

But  it  is  not  the  nature  of  this  most  indefatigable  of  spec 
ulators  to  rest  contented  with  any  state  of  sublunary  enjoy 
ment — improvement  is  his  darling  passion,  and  having  thus 
improved  his  lands,  the  next  care  is  to  provide  a  mansion 
worthy  the  residence  of  a  landholder.  A  huge  palace  of  pine 
boards  immediately  springs  up  in  the  midst  of  the  wilderness, 
large  enough  for  a  parish  church,  and  furnished  with  windows 
of  all  dimensions,  but  so  rickety  and  flimsy  withal,  that  every 
blast  gives  it  a  fit  of  the  ague. 

By  the  time  the  outside  of  this  mighty  air  castle  is  com- 


196  HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

pleted,  either  the  funds  or  the  zeal  of  our  adventurer  is  ex 
hausted,  so  that  he  barely  manages  to  furnish  one  room 
within,  where  the  whole  family  burrow  together — while  the 
rest  of  the  house  is  devoted  to  the  curing  of  pumpkins,  or 
storing  of  carrots  and  potatoes,  and  is  decorated  with  fanciful 
festoons  of  dried  apples  and  peaches.  The  outside  remaining 
tmpainted,  grows  venerably  black  with  time ;  the  family 
wardrobe  is  laid  under  contribution  for  old  hats,  petticoats,  and 
breeches,  to  stuff  into  the  broken  windows,  while  the  four 
winds  of  heaven  keep  up  a  whistling  and  howling  about  this 
aerial  palace,  and  play  as  many  unruly  gambols,  as  they  did 
of  yore  in  the  cave  of  old  jEolus. 

The  humble  log  hut,  which  whilom  nestled  this  improving 
family  snugly  within  its  narrow  but  comfortable  walls,  stands 
hard  by,  in  ignominious  contrast,  degraded  into  a  cow-house 
or  pig-sty  ;  and  the  whole  scene  reminds  one  forcibly  of  a  fable, 
which  I  am  surprised  has  never  been  recorded,  of  an  aspiring 
snail,  who  abandoned  his  humble  habitation,  which  he  had 
long  filled  with  great  respectability,  to  crawl  into  the  empty 
shell  of  a  lobster — where  he  would  no  doubt  have  resided 
with  great  style  and  splendor,  the  envy  and  the  hate  of  all  the 
pains-taking  snails  in  the  neighborhood,  had  he  not  perished 
with  cold,  in  one  corner  of  his  stupendous  mansion. 

Being  thus  completely  settled,  and,  to  use  his  own  words, 
"  to  rights,"  one  would  imagine  that  he  would  begin  to  enjoy 
the  comforts  of  his  situation,  to  read  newspapers,  talk  politics, 
neglect  his  own  business,  and  attend  to  the  affairs  of  the  na 
tion,  like  a  useful  and  patriotic  citizen  ;  but  now  it  is  that  his 
wayward  disposition  begins  again  to  operate.  lie  soon  grows 
tired  of  a  spot  where  there  is  no  longer  any  room  for  ini- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  197 

provement — sells  his  farm,  air  castle,  petticoat  windows  and 
all,  reloads  his  cart,  shoulders  his  axe,  puts  himself  at  the 
head  of  his  family,  and  wanders  away  in  search  of  new  lands 
— again  to  fell  trees — again  to  clear  cornfields — again  to  build 
a  shingle  palace,  and  again  to  sell  off  and  wander.  Such  were 
the  people  of  Connecticut,  who  bordered  upon  the  eastern 
frontier  of  New  Netherlands,  and  my  readers  may  easily 
imagine  what  uncomfortable  neighbors  this  light-hearted  but 
restless  tribe  must  have  been  to  our  tranquil  progenitors.  If 
they  cannot,  I  would  ask  them,  if  they  have  ever  known  one 
of  our  regular,  well-organized  Dutch  families,  whom  it  hath 
pleased  heaven  to  afflict  with  the  neighborhood  of  a  French 
boarding-house  ?  The  honest  old  burgher  cannot  take  his 
afternoon's  pipe  on  the  bench  before  his  door,  but  he  is  perse 
cuted  with  the  scraping  of  fiddles,  the  chattering  of  women 
and  the  squalling  of  children — he  cannot  sleep  at  night  for  the 
horrible  melodies  of  some  amateur,  who  chooses  to  serenade 
the  moon,  and  display  his  terrible  proficiency  in  execution,  on 
the  clarionet,  hautboy,  or  some  other  soft-toned  instrument — 
nor  can  he  leave  the  street-door  open,  but  his  house  is  defiled 
by  the  unsavory  visits  of  a  troop  of  pup  dogs,  who  even 
sometimes  carry  their  loathsome  ravages  into  the  sanctum 
sanctorum,  the  parlor  ! 

If  my  readers  have  ever  witnessed  the  sufferings  of  such  a 
family,  so  situated,  they  may  form  some  idea  how  our  worthy 
ancestors  were  distressed  by  their  mercurial  neighbors  of 
Connecticut. 

Gangs  of  these  marauders,  we  are  told,  penetrated  into  the 
New  Netherland  settlements,  and  threw  whole  villages  into 
consternation  by  their  unparalleled  volubility  and  their  intol- 


198  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

erable  inquisitiveness — two  evil  habits  hitherto  unknown  in 
those  parts,  or  only  known  to  be  abhorred ;  for  our  ancestors 
were  noted  as  being  men  of  truly  Spartan  taciturnity,  and 
who  neither  knew  nor  cared  aught  about  anybody's  concerns 
but  their  own.  Many  enormities  were  committed  on  the 
highways,  where  several  unoffending  burghers  were  brought 
to  a  stand,  and  tortured  with  questions  and  guesses,  "which 
outrages  occasioned  as  much  vexation  and  heart-burning  as 
does  the  modern  right  of  search  on  the  high  seas. 

Great  jealousy  did  they  likewise  stir  up,  by  their  inter 
meddling  and  successes  among  the  divine  sex  ;  for  being  a 
race  of  brisk,  likely,  plcasant-tongued  varlets,  they  soon  se 
duced  the  light  affections  of  the  simple  damsels  from  their 
ponderous  Dutch  gallants.  Among  other  hideous  customs, 
they  attempted  to  introduce  among  them  that  of  bundling, 
which  the  Dutch  lasses  of  the  Nederlandts,  with  that  eager 
passion  for  novelty  and  foreign  fashions  natural  to  their  sex, 
seemed  very  well  inclined  to  follow,  but  that  their  mothers, 
being  more  experienced  in  the  world,  and  better  acquainted 
with  men  and  things,  strenuously  discountenanced  all  such 
outlandish  innovations. 

But  what  chiefly  operated  to  embroil  our  ancestors  with 
these  strange  folk,  was  an  unwarrantable  liberty  which  they 
occasionally  took  of  entering  in  hordes  into  the  territories  of 
the  New  Netherlands,  and  settling  themselves  down,  without 
leave  or  license,  to  improve  the  land,  in  the  manner  I  have 
before  noticed.  This  unceremonious  mode  of  taking  posses 
sion  of  new  land  was  technically  termed  squatting,  and  hence 
is  derived  the  appellation  of  squatters  ;  a  name  odious  in  the 
ears  of  all  great  landholders,  and  which  is  given  to  those 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  199 

enterprising  worthies  who  seize  upon  land  first,  and  take  their 
chance  to  make  good  their  title  to  it  afterwards. 

All  these  grievances,  and  many  others  which  were  con 
stantly  accumulating,  tended  to  form  that  dark  and  portentous 
cloud,  which,  as  I  observed  in  a  former  chapter,  was  slowly 
gathering  over  the  tranquil  province  of  New  Netherlands.  The 
pacific  cabinet  of  Van  Twiller,  however,  as  will  be  perceived 
in  the  sequel,  bore  them  all  with  a  magnanimity  that  redounds 
to  their  immortal  credit — becoming  by  passive  endurance 
inured  to  this  increasing  mass  of  wrongs  ;  like  that  mighty 
man  of  old,  who  by  dint  of  carrying  about  a  calf  from  the 
time  it  was  born,  continued  to  carry  it  without  difficulty  when 
it  had  grown  to  be  an  ox. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

HOW    TIIK     FOKT     GOBI)     HOOP   WAS    FEARFULLY     BELEAGUERED HOW   THE 

RENOWNED     WOUTER     FELL     INTO     A     PROFOUND     DOUBT,    AND    HOW    HE 
FINALLY    EVAPORATED. 

Y  this  time  my  readers  must  fully  perceive  what  an  ar- 
duous  task  I  have  undertaken — exploring  a  little  kind  of 
Herculaneum  of  history,  which  had  lain  nearly  for  ages  buried 
under  the  rubbish  of  years,  and  almost  totally  forgotten — rak 
ing  up  the  limbs  and  fragments  of  disjointed  facts,  and  en 
deavoring  to  put  them  scrupulously  together,  so  as  to  restore 
them  to  their  original  form  and  connection — now  lugging 
forth  the  character  of  an  almost  forgotten  hero,  like  a  muti 
lated  statue — now  deciphering  a  half-defaced  inscription,  and 
now  lighting  upon  a  mouldering  manuscript,  which,  after  pain 
ful  study,  scarce  repays  the  trouble  of  perusal. 

In  such  case  howr  much  has  the  reader  to  depend  upon  the 
honor  and  probity  of  his  author,  lest,  like  a  cunning  antiqua 
rian,  he  either  impose  upon  him  some  spurious  fabrication  of 
his  own,  for  a  precious  relic  of  antiquity — or  else  dress  up 
the  dismembered  fragment  with  such  false  trappings,  that  it  is 
scarcely  possible  to  distinguish  the  truth  from  the  fiction  with 
which  it  is  enveloped.  This  is  a  grievance  which  I  have  more 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  201 

than  once  had  to  lament,  in  the  course  of  my  wearisome  re 
searches  among  the  \vorks  of~my  fellow  historians,  who  have 
strangely  disguised  and  distorted  the  facts  respecting  this 
country ;  and  particularly  respecting  the  great  province  of 
New  Netherlands ;  as  will  be  perceived  by  any  who  will  take 
the  trouble  to  compare  their  romantic  effusions,  tricked  out  in 
the  meretricious  gauds  of  fable,  with  this  authentic  history. 

I  have  had  more  vexations  of  the  kind  to  encounter,  in 
those  parts  of  my  history  which  treat  of  the  transactions  on 
the  eastern  border,  than  in  any  other,  in  consequence  of  the 
troops  of  historians  who  have  infested  these  quarters,  and  have 
shown  the  honest  people  of  Nieuw  Nedcrlandts  no  mercy  in 
their  works.  Among  the  rest,  Mr.  Benjamin  Trumbull  arro 
gantly  declares,  that  "  the  Dutch  were  always  mere  intruders." 
Now  to  this  I  shall  make  no  other  reply,  than  to  proceed  in 
the  steady  narration  of  my  history,  which  will  contain  not 
only  proofs  that  the  Dutch  had  clear  title  and  possession  in 
the  fair  valleys  of  the  Connecticut,  and  that  they  were  wrong 
fully  dispossessed  thereof — but  likewise,  that  they  have  been 
scandalously  maltreated  ever  since,  by  the  misrepresentations 
of  the  crafty  historians  of  New  England.  And  in  this  I  shall 
be  guided  by  a  spirit  of  truth  and  impartiality,  and  a  regard 
to  immortal  fame — for  I  would  not  wittingly  dishonor  my 
work  by  a  single  falsehood,  misrepresentation,  or  prejudice, 
though  it  should  gain  our  forefathers  the  whole  country  of 
New  England. 

I  have  already  noticed  in  a  former  chapter  of  my  history, 

that  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlandts  extended  on  the 

east,  quite  to  the  Varsche  or  fresh,  or  Connecticut  river.    Here, 

at  an  early  period,  had  been  established  a  frontier  post  on  the 

9* 


202  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

bank  of  the  river,  and  called  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  not  far  from 
the  site  of  the  present  fair  city  of  Hartford.  It  was  placed 
under  the  command  of  Jacobus  Van  Curlet,  or  Curlis,  as  some 
historians  will  have  it ;  a  doughty  soldier,  of  that  stomachful 
class  famous  for  eating  all  they  kill.  He  was  long  in  the 
body  and  short  in  the  limb,  as  though  a  tall  man's  body  had 
been  mounted  on  a  little  man's  legs.  lie  made  up  for  this 
turnspit  construction  by  striding  to  such  an  extent,  that  you 
would  have  sworn  he  had  on  the  seven-leagued  boots  of  Jack 
the  Giant-killer  ;  and  so  high  did  he  tread  on  parade  that  his 
soldiers  were  sometimes  alarmed  lest  he  should  trample  him 
self  under  foot. 

But  notwithstanding  the  erection  of  this  fort  and  the  ap 
pointment  of  this  ugly  little  man  of  war  as  commander,  the 
Yankees  continued  the  interlopings  hinted  at  in  my  last  chap 
ter,  and  at  length  had  the  audacity  to  squat  themselves  down 
within  the  jurisdiction  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop. 

The  long-bodied  Van  Curlet  protested  with  great  spirit 
against  these  unwarrantable  encroachments,  couching  his  pro 
test  in  Low  Dutch,  by  way  of  inspiring  more  terror,  and  forth 
with  dispatched  a  copy  of  the  protest  to  the  governor  at  New 
Amsterdam,  together  with  a  long  and  bitter  account  of  the 
aggressions  of  the  enemy.  This  done,  he  ordered  his  men, 
one  and  all,  to  be  of  good  cheer — shut  the  gate  of  the  fort, 
smoked  three  pipes,  went  to  bed,  and  awaited  the  result  with 
a  resolute  and  intrepid  tranquillity,  that  greatly  animated  his 
adherents,  and  no  doubt  struck  sore  dismay  and  affright  into 
the  hearts  of  the  enemy. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  about  this  time,  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller,  full  of  years  and  honors,  and  council 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  203 

dinners,  had  reached  that  period  of  life  and  faculty  which, 
according  to  the  great  Gulliver,  entitles  a  man  to  admission 
into  the  ancient  order  of  Struldbruggs.  He  employed  his 
time  in  smoking  his  Turkish  pipe,  amid  an  assemblage  of 
sages,  equally  enlightened  and  nearly  as  venerable  as  himself, 
and  who,  for  their  silence,  their  gravity,  their  wisdom,  and 
their  cautious  averseness  to  coming  to  any  conclusion  in  busi 
ness,  arc  only  to  be  equalled  by  certain  profound  corporations 
which  I  have  known  in  my  time.  Upon  reading  the  protest 
of  the  gallant  Jacobus  Van  Curlet,  therefore,  his  excellency 
fell  straightway  into  one  of  the  deepest  doubts  that  ever  he 
was  known  to  encounter  ;  his  capacious  head  gradually  droop 
ed  on  his  chest,  he  closed  his  eyes,  and  inclined  his  ear  to  one 
side,  as  if  listening  with  great  attention  to  the  discussion  that 
was  going  on  in  his  belly  ;  and  which  all  who  knew  him  de 
clared  to  be  the  huge  court-house  or  council-chamber  of  his 
thoughts ;  forming  to  his  head  what  the  house  of  representa 
tives  docs  to  the  Senate.  An  inarticulate  sound,  very  much 
resembling  a  snore,  occasionally  escaped  him — but  the  nature 
of  this  internal  cogitation  was  never  known,  as  he  never  opened 
his  lips  on  the  subject  to  man,  woman,  or  child.  In  the  mean 
time,  the  protest  of  Van  Curlet  lay  quietly  on  the  table,  where 
it  served  to  light  the  pipes  of  the  venerable  sages  assembled 
in  council ;  and  in  the  great  smoke  which  they  raised,  the  gal 
lant  Jacobus,  his  protest,  and  his  mighty  Fort  Good  Hoop, 
were  soon  as  completely  beclouded  and  forgotten,  as  is  a  ques 
tion  of  emergency  swallowed  up  in  the  speeches  and  resolu 
tions  of  a  modern  session  of  Congress. 

There  are  certain  emergencies  when  your  profound  legis 
lators  and  sage  deliberative  councils  are  mightily  in  the  way 


<  HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK. 

of  a  nation  ;  and  when  an  ounce  of  hare-brained  decision  is 
worth  a  pound  of  sage  doubt  and  cautious  discussion.  Such, 
at  least,  was  the  case  at  present ;  for  while  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller  was  daily  battling  with  his  doubts,  and 
his  resolution  growing  weaker  and  weaker  in  the  contest,  the 
enemy  pushed  farther  and  farther  into  his  territories,  and  as 
sumed  a  most  formidable  appearance  in  the  neighborhood  of 
Fort  Goed  Hoop.  Here  they  founded  the  mighty  town  of 
Pyquay,  or,  as  it  has  since  been  called,  Weathersfield,  a  place 
which,  if  we  may  credit  the  assertions  of  that  worthy  historian, 
John  Josselyn,  Gent.,  "  hath  been  infamous  by  reason  of  the 
witches  therein."  And  so  daring  did  these  men  of  Pyquag 
become,  that  they  extended  those  plantations  of  onions,  for 
which  their  town  is  illustrious,  under  the  very  noses  of  the 
garrison  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop — insomuch  that  the  honest  Dutch 
men  could  not  look  toward  that  quarter  without  tears  in  their 
eyes. 

This  crying  injustice  was  regarded  with  proper  indignation 
by  the  gallant  Jacobus  Van  Curlet.  He  absolutely  trembled 
writh  the  violence  of  his  cholcr  and  the  exacerbations  of  his 
valor  ;  which  were  the  more  turbulent  in  their  workings,  from 
the  length  of  the  body  in  which  they  were  agitated.  He  forth 
with  proceeded  to  strengthen  his  redoubts,  heighten  his  breast 
works,  deepen  his  fosse,  and  fortify  his  position  with  a  double 
row  of  abbatis  ;  after  which  he  dispatched  a  fresh  courier  with 
accounts  of  his  perilous  situation. 

The  courier  chosen  to  bear  the  dispatches  was  a  fat,  oily 
little  man,  as  being  less  liable  to  be  worn  out,  or  to  lose 
leather  on  the  journey ;  and  to  insure  his  speed,  he  was 
mounted  on  the  fleetest  wagon-horse  in  the  garrison,  remark- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  205 

able  for  length  of  limb,  largeness  of  bone,  and  hardness  of 
trot ;  and  so  tall,  that  the  little  messenger  was  obliged  to 
climb  on  his  back  by  means  of  his  tail  and  crupper.  Such 
extraordinary  speed  did  he  make,  that  he  arrived  at  Fort 
Amsterdam  in  a  little  less  than  a  month,  though  the  distance 
was  full  two  hundred  pipes,  or  about  one  hundred  and  twenty 
miles. 

With  an  appearance  of  great  hurry  and  business,  and 
smoking  a  short  travelling-pipe,  he  proceeded  on  a  long  swing 
trot  through  the  muddy  lanes  of  the  metropolis,  demolishing 
whole  batches  of  dirt  pies,  which  the  little  Dutch  children 
were  making  in  the  road  ;  and  for  which  kind  of  pastry  the 
children  of  this  city  have  ever  been  famous.  On  arriving  at 
the  governor's  house,  he  climbed  down  from  his  steed  ;  roused 
the  gray-headed  doorkeeper,  old  Skaats,  who,  like  his  lineal 
descendant  and  faithful  representative,  the  venerable  crier  of 
our  court,  was  nodding  at  his  post — rattled  at  the  door  of  the 
council  chamber,  and  startled  the  members  as  they  were  doz 
ing  over  a  plan  for  establishing  a  public  market. 

At  that  very  moment  a  gentle  grunt,  or  rather  a  deep-drawn 
snore,  was  heard  from  the  chair  of  the  governor ;  a  whiff  of 
smoke  was  at  the  same  instant  observed  to  escape  from  his 
lips,  and  a  light  cloud  to  ascend  from  the  bowl  of  his  pipe. 
The  council,  of  course,  supposed  him  engaged  in  deep  sleep 
for  the  good  of  the  community,  and,  according  to  custom  in 
all  such  cases  established,  every  man  bawled  out  silence,  when, 
of  a  sudden,  the  door  flew  open,  and  the  little  courjer  straddled 
into  the  apartment,  cased  to  the  middle  in  a  pair  of  Hessian 
boots,  which  he  had  got  into  for  the  sake  of  expedition.  In 
his  right  hand  lie  held  forth  the  ominous  dispatches,  and  with 


HISTORY    OF    NKW    YOKK. 

his  left  he  grasped  firmly  the  waistband  of  his  galligaskins. 
which  had  unfortunately  given  way,  in  the  exertion  of  descend 
ing  from  his  horse.  He  stumped  resolutely  up  to  the  gover 
nor,  and  with  more  hurry  than  perspicuity  delivered  his  mes 
sage.  But  fortunately  his  ill  tidings  came  too  late  to  ruffle 
the  tranquillity  of  this  most  tranquil  of  rulers.  His  venera 
ble  excellency  had  just  breathed  and  smoked  his  last— his  lungs 
and  his  pipe  having  been  exhausted  together,  and  his  peaceful 
soul  having  escaped  in  the  last  whiff  that  curled  from  his  to 
bacco-pipe.  In  a  word,  the  renowned  Walter  the  Doubter, 
who  had  so  often  slumbered  with  his  contemporaries,  now 
slept  with  his  fathers,  and  Wilhelmus  Kieft  governed  in  his 
stead. 


BOOK  IV. 


CONTAINING  THE   CHRONICLES   OF   THE   REIGN  OF  WILLIAM 
THE  TESTY. 


CHAPTER  I. 

SHOTTING  THE  NATURE  OF  HISTORY  IN  GENERAL  ;  CONTAINING  FARTHER- 
MORE  THE  UNIVERSAL  ACQUIREMENTS  OF  WILLIAM  THE  TESTY,  AND 
HOW  A  MAN  MAY  LEARN  SO  MUCH  AS  TO  RENDER  HIMSELF  GOOD  FOR 
NOTHING. 

TT7TIEN  the  lofty  Thucydides  is  about  to  enter  upon  his 
*  •  description  of  the  plague  that  desolated  Athens,  one  of 
his  modern  commentators  assures  the  reader,  that  the  history 
is  now  going  to  be  exceeding  solemn,  serious,  and  pathetic ; 
and  hints,  with  that  air  of  chuckling  gratulation  with  which 
a  good  dame  draws  forth  a  choice  morsel  from  a  cupboard  to 
regale  a  favorite,  that  this  plague  will  give  his  history  a  most 
agreeable  variety. 

In  like  manner  did  my  heart  leap  within  me,  when  I  came 
to  the  dolorous  dilemma  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  which  I  at  once 
perceived  to  be  the  forerunner  of  a  series  of  great  events  and 
entertaining  disasters.  Such  are  the  true  subjects  for  the  his 
toric  pen.  For  what  is  history,  in  fact,  but  a  kind  of  New 
gate  calendar,  a  register  of  the  crimes  and  miseries  that  man 


208  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

lias  inflicted  on  his  fellow-man  1  It  is  a  huge  libel  on  human 
nature,  to  which  we  industriously  add  page  after  page,  volume 
after  volume,  as  if  we  were  building  up  a  monument  to  the 
honor,  rather  than  the  infamy  of  our  species.  If  we  turn  over 
the  pages  of  these  chronicles  that  man  has  written  of  himself, 
what  are  the  characters  dignified  by  the  appellation  of  great, 
and  held  up  to  the  admiration  of  posterity  ?  Tyrants,  rob 
bers,  conquerors,  renowned  only  for  the  magnitude  of  their 
misdeeds,  and  the  stupendous  wrongs  and  miseries  they  have 
inflicted  on  mankind — warriors,  who  have  hired  themselves  to 
the  trade  of  blood,  not  from  motives  of  virtuous  patriotism, 
or  to  protect  the  injured  and  defenceless,  but  merely  to  gain 
the  vaunted  glory  of  being  adroit  and  successful  in  massacring 
their  fellow-beings  !  What  are  the  great  events  that  consti 
tute  a  glorious  era  ? — The  fall  of  empires — the  desolation  of 
happy  countries — splendid  cities  smoking  in  their  ruins — the 
proudest  works  of  art  tumbled  in  the  dust — the  shrieks  and 
groans  of  whole  nations  ascending  unto  heaven  ! 

It  is  thus  the  historian  may  be  said  to  thrive  on  the  mis 
eries  of  mankind,  like  birds  of  prey  which  hover  over  the 
field  of  battle,  to  fatten  on  the  mighty  dead.  It  was  observed 
by  a  great  projector  of  inland  lock  navigation,  that  rivers, 
lakes,  and  oceans,  were  only  formed  to  feed  canals. — In  like 
manner  I  am  tempted  to  believe,  that  plots,  conspiracies,  wars, 
victories,  and  massacres,  are  ordained  by  Providence  only  as 
food  for  the  historian. 

It  is  a  source  of  great  delight  to  the  philosopher,  in  study- 
it  ig  the  wonderful  economy  of  nature,  to  trace  the  mutual  de 
pendencies  of  things,  how  they  are,  created  reciprocally  for 
each  other,  and  how  the  most  noxious  and  apparently  un- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  209 

necessary  animal  has  its  uses.  Thus  those  swarms  of  flies, 
which  are  so  often  execrated  as  useless  vermin,  are  created 
for  the  sustenance  of  spiders — and  spiders,  on  the  other  hand, 
arc  evidently  made  to  devour  flies.  So  those  heroes  who 
have  been  such  scourges  to  the  world,  were  bounteously  pro 
vided  as  themes  for  the  poet  and  historian,  while  the  poet  and 
the  historian  were  destined  to  record  the  achievements  of'heroes ! 

These,  and  many  similar  reflections,  naturally  arose  in 
my  mind,  as  I  took  up  my  pen  to  commence  the  reign  of  Wil 
liam  Kieft :  for  now  the  stream  of  our  history,  which  hither 
to  has  rolled  in  a  tranquil  current,  is  about  to  depart  forever 
from  its  peaceful  haunts,  and  brawl  through  many  a  turbulent 
and  rugged  scene. 

As  some  sleek  ox,  sunk  in  the  rich  repose  of  a  clover-field, 
dozing  and  chewing  the  cud,  will  bear  repeated  blowrs  before  it 
raises  itself;  so  the  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlandts,  having 
waxed  fat  under  the  drowsy  reign  of  the  Doubter,  needed 
cuffs  and  kicks  to  rouse  it  into  action.  The  reader  will  now 
witness  the  manner  in  which  a  peaceful  community  advances 
towards  a  state  of  war  ;  which  is  apt  to  be  like  the  approach 
of  a  horse  to  a  drum,  with  much  prancing  and  little  progress, 
and  too  often  with  the  wrong  end  foremost. 

Wilhelmus  Kieft,  who,  in  1G34,  ascended  the  gubernatorial 
chair  (to  borrow  a  favorite  though  clumsy  appellation  of  modern 
phraseologists),  was  of  a  lofty  descent,  his  father  being  inspec 
tor  of  wind-mills  in  the  ancient  town  of  Saardam  ;  and  our 
hero,  we  are  told,  when  a  boy,  made  very  curious  investiga 
tions  into  the  nature  and  operation  of  these  machines,  which 
was  one  reason  why  he  afterwards  came  to  be  so  ingenious  a 
governor.  His  name,  according  to  the  most  authentic  etymolo- 


210  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

gists,  was  a  corruption  of  Kyvcr ;  that  is  to  say,  a  wranylcr 
or  scolder ;  and  expressed  the  characteristic  of  his  family, 
which,  for  nearly  two  centuries,  had  kept  the  windy  town  of 
Saardam  in  hot  water,  and  produced  more  tartars  and  brim 
stones  than  any  ten  families  in  the  place ;  and  so  truly  did 
he  inherit  this  family  peculiarity,  that  he  had  not  been  a 
year  in  the  government  of  the  province,  before  he  was  univer 
sally  denominated  William  the  Testy.  His  appearance  an- 
*  swered  to  his  name.  He  was  a  brisk,  wiry,  waspish  little  old 
gentleman  ;  such  a  one  as  may  now  and  then  be  seen  stump 
ing  about  our  city  in  a  broad -skirted  coat  with  huge  buttons,  a 
cocked  hat  stuck  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  a  cane  as  high 
as  his  chin.  His  face  was  broad,  but  his  features  were  sharp  ; 
his  cheeks  were  scorched  into  a  dusky  red,  by  two  fiery  little 
gray  eyes  ;  his  nose  turned  up,  and  the  corners  of  his  mouth 
turned  down,  pretty  much  like  the  muzzle  of  an  irritable  pug- 
dog. 

I  have  heard  it  observed  by  a  profound  adept  in  human 
physiology,  that  if  a  woman  waxes  fat  with  the  progress  of 
years,  her  tenure  of  life  is  somewhat  precarious,  but  if  Imply 
she  withers  as  she  grows  old,  she  lives  forever.  Such  prom 
ised  to  be  the  case  with  William  the  Testy,  who  grew  tough 
in  proportion  as  he  dried.  He  had  withered,  in  fact,  not 
through  the  process  of  years,  but  through  the  tropical  fer 
vor  of  his  soul,  which  burnt  like  a  vehement  rush-light  in  his 
bosom  ;  inciting  him  to  incessant  broils  and  bickerings.  An 
cient  traditions  speak  much  of  his  learning,  and  of  the  gal 
lant  inroads  he  had  made  into  the  dead  languages,  in  which 
he  had  made  captive  a  host  of  Greek  nouns  and  Latin  verbs  ; 
and  brought  off  rich  booty  in  ancient  saws  and  apothegms; 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  211 

which  he  was  wont  to  parade  in  his  public  harangues,  as  a 
triumphant  general  of  yore,  his  spolia  opima.  Of  metaphysics 
he  knew  enough  to  confound  all  hearers  and  himself  into  the 
bargain.  In  logic,  he  knew  the  whole  family  of  syllogisms 
and  dilemmas,  and  was  so  proud  of  his  skill  that  he  never 
suffered  even  a  self-evident  fact  to  pass  unargued.  It  was 
observed,  however,  that  he  seldom  got  into  an  argument  with 
out  getting  into  a  perplexity,  and  then  into  a  passion  with  his 
adversary  for  not  being  convinced  gratis. 

lie  had,  moreover,  skirmished  smartly  on  the  frontiers  of 
several  of  the  sciences,  was  fond  of  experimental  philosophy, 
and  prided  himself  upon  inventions  of  all  kinds.  His  abode, 
which  he  had  fixed  at  a  Bowerie  or  country-seat  at  a  short 
distance  from  the  city,  just  at  what  is  now  called  Dutch-street, 
soon  abounded  with  proofs  of  his  ingenuity  :  patent  smoke- 
jacks  that  required  a  horse  to  work  them ;  Dutch  ovens  that 
roasted  meat  without  fire  ;  carts  that  went  before  the  horses  ; 
weather-cocks  that  turned  against  the  wind  ;  and  other  wrong- 
headed  contrivances  that  astonished  and  confounded  all  be 
holders.  The  house,  too,  was  beset  with  paralytic  cats  and 
dogs,  the  subjects  of  his  experimental  philosophy  ;  and  the 
yelling  and  yelping  of  the  latter  unhappy  victims  of  science, 
while  aiding  in  the  pursuit  of  knowledge,  soon  gained  for  the 
place  the  name  of  "  Dog's  Misery,"  by  which  it  continues  to 
be  known  even  at  the  present  day. 

It  is  in  knowledge  as  in  swimming  ;  he  who  flounders  and 
splashes  on  the  surface,  makes  more  noise,  and  attracts  more 
attention,  than  the  pearl-diver  who  quietly  dives  in  quest  of 
treasures  to  the  bottom.  The  vast  acquirements  of  the  new 
governor  were  the  theme  of  marvel  among  the  simple  burgh- 


212 


HISTORY    OF    NV.Vf    YORK. 


ers  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  he  figured  about  the  place  as  learned 
a  man  as  a  Bonze  at  Pckin,  -who  has  mastered  one  half  of  the 
Chinese  alphabet :  and  was  unanimously  pronounced  a  "  uni 
versal  genius !  " 

I  have  known  in  my  time  many  a  genius  of  this  stamp  ; 
but,  to  speak  my  mind  freely,  I  never  knew  one  who,  for  the 
ordinary  purposes  of  life,  was  worth  his  weight  in  straw.  In 
this  respect,  a  little  sound  judgment  and  plain  common  sense- 
is  worth  all  the  sparkling  genius  that  ever  wrote  poetry  or  in, 
vented  theories.  Let  us  see  how  the  universal  acquirements 
of  William  the  Testy  aided  him  in  the  affairs  of  government. 


I 


CHAPTER  II. 

HOW    WILLIAM    THE     TESTY    UNDERTOOK    TO    CONQUER    BY    PROCLAMATION 

HOW    HE  WAS   A    GREAT    MAN    ABROAD,  BUT    A    LITTLE    MAN    IN    HIS    OWN 

HOUSE. 

"VTO  sooner  had  this  bustling  little  potentate  been  blown  by 
•*-^  a  whiff  of  fortune  into  the  seat  of  government  than  he 
called  his  council  together  to  make  them  a  speech  on  the  state 
of  affairs. 

Cains  Gracchus,  it  is  said,  when  he  harangued  the  Roman 
populace,  modulated  his  tone  by  an  oratorical  flute  or  pitch- 
pipe  ;  Wilhelmus  Kieft,  not  having  such  an  instrument  at 
hand,  availed  himself  of  that  musical  organ  or  trump  which 
nature  has  implanted  in  the  midst  of  a  man's  face ;  in  other 
words,  he  preluded  his  address  by  a  sonorous  blast  of  the 
nose ;  a  preliminary  flourish  much  in  vogue  among  public- 
orators. 

He  then  commenced  by  expressing  his  humble  sense  of 
his  utter  unworthiness  of  the  high  post  to  which  he  had  been 
appointed  ;  which  made  some  of  the  simple  burghers  wonder 
why  he  undertook  it,  not  knowing  that  it  is  a  point  of  etiquette. 
with  a  public  orator  never  to  enter  upon  oflice  without  declar 
ing  himself  unworthy  to  cross  the  threshold.  He  then  pro 
ceeded  in  a  manner  highly  classic  and  erudite  to  speak  of  gov- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

ernment  generally,  and  of  the  governments  of  ancient  Greece 
in  particular  ;  together  with  the  wars  of  Rome  and  Carthage  ; 
and  the  rise  and  fall  of  sundry  outlandish  empires  which  the 
worthy  burghers  had  never  read  nor  heard  of.  Having  thus, 
after  the  manner  of  your  learned  orator,  treated  of  things  in 
general,  he  came  by  a  natural,  roundabout  transition,  to  the 
matter  in  hand,  namely,  the  daring  aggressions  of  the  Yankees. 

As  my  readers  are  well  aware  of  the  advantage  a  poten 
tate  has  of  handling  his  enemies  as  he  pleases  in  his  speeches 
and  bulletins,  where  he  has  the  talk  all  on  his  own  side,  they 
may  rest  assured  that  William  the  Testy  did  not  let  such  an 
opportunity  escape  of  giving  the  Yankees  what  is  called  "  a 
taste  of  his  quality."  In  speaking  of  their  inroads  into  the 
territories  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  he  compared  them  to 
the  Gauls  who  desolated  Rome  ;  the  Goths  and  Vandals  who 
overran  the  fairest  plains  of  Europe  ;  but  when  he  came  to 
speak  of  the  unparalleled  audacity  with  which  they  of 
Wcathcrsfield  had  advanced  their  patches  up  to  the  very  walls 
of  Fort  Goed  Hoop,  and  threatened  to  smother  the  garrison 
in  onions,  tears  of  rage  started  into  his  eyes,  as  though  he 
nosed  the  very  offence  in  question. 

Having  thus  wrought  up  his  tale  to  a  climax,  he  assumed 
a  most  belligerent  look,  and  assured  the  council  that  he  had 
devised  an  instrument,  potent  in  its  efleels,  and  which  he  trusted 
would  soon  drive  the  Yankees  from  the  land.  So  saying,  he. 
thrust  his  hand  into  one  of  the  deep  pockets  of  his  broad- 
skirted  coat  and  drew  forth,  not  an  infernal  machine,  but  an 
instrument  in  writing,  which  he  laid  with  great  emphasis  upon 
the  table. 

The    burghers   gazed   at   it  for  a  time  in  silent  awe,  as  a 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  215 

wary  housewife  does  at  a  gun,  fearful  it  may  go  off  half-cocked 
The  document  in  question  had  a  sinister  look,  it  is  true ;  it 
was  crabbed  in  text,  and  from  a  broad  red  ribbon  dangled  the 
great  seal  of  the  province,  about  the  size  of  a  buckwheat  pan 
cake.  Still,  after  all,  it  was  but  an  instrument  in  writing. 
Herein,  however,  existed  the  wonder  of  the  invention.  The 
document  in  question  was  a  PROCLAMATION,  ordering  the  Yan 
kees  to  depart  instantly  from  the  territories  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  under  pain  of  suffering  all  the  forfeitures  and 
punishments  in  such  case  made  and  provided.  It  was  on  the 
moral  effect  of  this  formidable  instrument  that  Wilhelmus 
Kieft  calculated  ;  pledging  his  valor  as  a  governor  that,  once 
fulminated  against  the  Yankees,  it  would,  in  less  than  two 
months,  drive  every  mother's  son  of  them  across  the  borders. 

The  council  broke  up  in  perfect  wonder,  and  nothing  was 
talked  of  for  some  time  among  the  old  men  and  women  of 
New  Amsterdam  but  the  vast  genius  of  the  governor,  and  his 
new  and  cheap  mode  of  fighting  by  proclamation. 

As  to  Wilhelmus  Kieft,  having  dispatched  his  proclama 
tion  to  the  frontiers,  he  put  on  his  cocked  hat  and  corduroy 
small-clothes,  and  mounting  a  tall  raw-boned  charger,  trotted 
out  to  his  rural  retreat  of  Dog's  Misery.  Here,  like  the 
good  Numa,  he  reposed  from  the  toils  of  state,  taking  lessons 
in  government,  not  from  the  nymph  Egeria,  but  from  the 
honored  wife  of  his  bosom  ;  who  was  one  of  that  class  of 
females  sent  upon  the  earth  a  little  after  the  flood,  as  a  punish 
ment  for  the  sins  of  mankind]  and  commonly  known  by  the 
appellation  of  knoivhty  women.  In  fact,  my  duty  as  an  histo 
rian  obliges  me  to  make  known  a  circumstance  which  was  a 
great  secret  at  the  time,  and  consequently  was  not  a  subject  of 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK. 

scandal  at  more  than  half  the  tea-tables  in  New  Amsterdam, 
Imt  which,  like  many  other  great  secrets,  has  leaked  out  in 
the  lapse  of  years— and  this  was,  that  Wilhelmus  the  Testy, 
though  one  of  the  most  potent  little  men  that  ever  breathed, 
yet  submitted  at  home  to  a  species  of  government,  neither 
laid  down  in  Aristotle  nor  Plato  ;  in  short,  it  partook  of  the 
nature  of  a  pure,  unmixed  tyranny,  and  is  familiarly  denomi 
nated  petticoat  government. — An  absolute  sway,  which,  al 
though  exceedingly  common  in  these  modern  days,  was  very 
rare  among  the  ancients,  if  we  may  judge  from  the  rout  made 
about  the  domestic  economy  of  honest  Socrates  ;  which  is  the 
only  ancient  case  on  record. 

The  great  Kieft,  however,  warded  off  all  the  sneers  and 
sarcasms  of  his  particular  friends,  who  are  ever  ready  to  joke 
with  a  man  on  sore  points  of  the  kind,  by  alleging  that  it  was 
a  government  of  his  own  election,  to  which  he  submitted 
through  choice ;  adding  at  the  same  time  a  profound  maxim 
which  he  had  found  in  an  ancient  author,  that  "  he  who  would 
aspire  to  govern,  should  first  learn  to  obey" 


CHAPTER  in. 

IN   WHICH   ARE    RECORDED    THE     SAGE    PROJECTS    OP   A   RULER   OP   UNIVER 
SAL     GENIUS THE     ART     OF     FIGHTING    BY     PROCLAMATION AND    HOW 

THAT     THE    VALIANT     JACOBUS    VAN     CURLET     CAME    TO    BE    FOULLY    DIS 
HONORED   AT   FORT    GOED    HOOP. 

NEVER  was  a  more  comprehensive,  a  more  expeditious, 
or,  what  is  still  better,  a  more  economical  measure  de 
vised,  than  this  of  defeating  the  Yankees  by  proclamation — an 
expedient,  likewise,  so  gentle  and  humane,  there  were  ten 
chances  to  one  in  favor  of  its  succeeding, — but  then  there  was 
one  chance  to  ten  that  it  would  not  succeed — as  the  ill-natured 
fates  would  have  it,  that  single  chance  carried  the  day ! 
The  proclamation  was  perfect  in  all  its  parts,  well  constructed, 
well  written,  well  sealed,  and  well  published — all  that  was 
wanting  to  insure  its  effect  was,  that  the  Yankees  should  stand 
in  awe  of  it ;  but,  provoking  to  relate,  they  treated  it  with 
the  most  absolute  contempt,  applied  it  to  an.  unseemly  pur 
pose,  and  thus  did  the  first  warlike  proclamation  come  to  a 
shameful  end — a  fate  which  I  am  credibly  informed  has  be 
fallen  but  too  many  of  its  successors. 

So  far  from  abandoning  the  country,  those  varlets  con 
tinued  their  encroachments,  squatting  along  the  green  banks 
of  the  Varsche  rivor,  and  founding  Hartford,  Stamford,  New 
10 


218  HISTORY   OF  NEW   YORK. 

Haven,  and  other  border  towns.  I  have  already  shown  how 
the  onion  patches  of  Pyquag  were  an  eyesore  to  Jacobus  Van 
Curlet  and  his  garrison ;  but  now  these  moss-troopers  in 
creased  in  their  atrocities,  kidnapping  hogs,  impounding 
horses,  and  sometimes  grievously  rib-roasting  their  owners. 
Our  worthy  forefathers  could  scarcely  stir  abroad  without 
danger  of  being  outjockeyed  in  horseflesh,  or  taken  in  in  bar 
gaining  ;  while,  in  their  absence,  some  daring  Yankee  peddler 
would  penetrate  to  their  household,  and  nearly  ruin  the  good 
housewives  with  tin-ware  and  wooden  bowls.* 

I  am  well  aware  of  the  perils  which  environ  me  in  this 
part  of  my  history.  While  raking,  with  curious  hand  but 
pious  heart,  among  the  mouldering  remains  of  former  days, 
anxious  to  draw  therefrom  the  honey  of  wisdom,  I  may  fare 
somewhat  like  that  valiant  worthy,  Samson,  who,  in  meddling 

*  The  following  cases  in  point  appear  in  Hazard's  Collection  of  State 
Papers. 

"  In  the  meantime,  they  of  Hartford  have  not  onely  usurped  and 
taken  in  the  lands  of  Connecticott,  although  unrighteously  and  against 
the  lawes  of  nations  but  have  hindered  our  nation  in  sowing  theire  own 
purchased  broken  up  lands,  but  have  also  sowed  them  with  corne  in  the 
night,  which  the  Nederlanders  had  broken  up  and  intended  to  sowc  : 
and  have  beaten  the  servants  of  the  high  and  mighty  the  honored  corn- 
panic,  which  were  laboring  upon  theire  master's  lands,  from  theire  lands, 
with  sticks  and  plow  staves  in  hostile  manner  laming,  and  among  the 
rest,  struck  Ever  Duckings  [Evert  Duyckink]  a  hole  in  his  head,  with  a 
stick,  so  that  the  bloode  ran  downe  very  strongly  downe  upon  his 
body." 

"  Those  of  Hartford  sold  a  hogg,  that  belonged  to  the  honored  com- 
panie,  under  pretence  that  it  had  eaten  of  theire  grounde  grass,  when 
they  had  not  any  foot  of  inheritance.  They  proffered  the  hogg  for  5s. 
if  the  commissioners  would  have  given  5s.  for  damage  ;  which  the  com 
missioners  denied,  because  noe  man's  own  hogg  (as  men  used  to  say) 
can  trespass  upon  his  owne  master's  grounde." 


HISTOKY   OF   NEW    YOEK.  2 ID 

with  the  carcass  of  a  dead  lion,  drew  a  swarm  of  bees  about 
his  ears.  Thus,  while  narrating  the  many  misdeeds  of  the 
Yanokie  or  Yankee  race,  it  is  ten  chances  to  one  but  I  offend 
the  morbid  sensibilities  of  certain  of  their  unreasonable  de 
scendants,  who  may  fly  out  and  raise  such  a  buzzing  about  this 
unlucky  head  of  mine,  that  I  shall  need  the  tough  hide  of  an 
Achilles,  or  an  Orlando  Furioso,  to  protect  me  from  their 
stings. 

Should  such  be  the  case,  I  should  deeply  and  sincerely 
lament — not  my  misfortune  in  giving  offence — but  the  wrong- 
headed  perverseness  of  an  ill-natured  generation,  in  taking 
offence  at  any  thing  I  say.  That  their  ancestors  did  use 
my  ancestors  ill  is  true,  and  I  am  very  sorry  for  it.  I  would, 
with  all  my  heart,  the  fact  were  otherwise ;  but  as  I  am  re 
cording  the  sacred  events  of  history,  I'd  not  bate  one  nail's 
breadth  of  the  honest  truth,  though  I  were  sure  the  whole 
edition  of  my  work  would  be  bought  up  and  burnt  by  the 
common  hangman  of  Connecticut.  And  in  sooth,  now  that 
these  testy  gentlemen  have  drawn  me  out,  I  will  make  bold 
to  go  farther,  and  observe  that  this  is  one  of  the  grand  pur 
poses  for  which  we  impartial  historians  are  sent  into  the 
world — to  redress  wrongs  and  render  justice  on  the  heads  of 
the  guilty.  So  that,  though  a  powerful  nation  may  wrong  its 
neighbors  with  temporary  impunity,  yet  sooner  or  later  an 
historian  springs  up,  who  wreaks  ample  chastisement  on  it  in 
return. 

Thus  these  moss-troopers  of  the  east  little  thought,  I'll 
warrant  it,  while  they  were  harassing  the  inoffensive  prov 
ince  of  Nieuw  Nederlands,  and  driving  its  unhappy  governor 
to  his  wit's  end,  that  an  historian  would  ever  arise,  and  give 


220  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK. 

them  their  own,  with  interest.  Since,  then,  I  am  but  perform 
ing  my  bounden  duty  as  an  historian,  in  avenging  the  wrrongs 
of  our  revered  ancestors,  I  shall  make  no  farther  apology,  and, 
indeed,  when  it  is  considered  that  I  have  all  these  ancient  bor 
derers  of  the  east  in  my  pOAver,  and  at  the  mercy  of  my  pen. 
I  trust  that  it  will  be  admitted  I  conduct  myself  with  great 
humanity  and  moderation. 

It  was  long  before  William  the  Testy  could  be  persuaded 
that  his  much  vaunted  war  measure  was  ineffectual ;  on  the 
contrary,  he  flew  in  a  passion  whenever  it  was  doubted,  swear 
ing  that  though  slow  in  operating,  yet  when  it  once  began  to 
work,  it  would  soon  purge  the  land  of  these  invaders.  When 
convinced,  at  length,  of  the  truth,  like  a  shrewd  physician,  he 
attributed  the  failure  to  the  quantity,  not  the  quality  of  the 
medicine,  and  resolved  to  double  the  dose.  He  fulminated, 
therefore,  a  second  proclamation  more  vehement  than  the  first, 
forbidding  all  intercourse  with  these  Yankee  intruders  ;  order 
ing  the  Dutch  burghers  on  the  frontiers  to  buy  none  of  their 
pacing  horses,  measly  pork,  apple  sweetmeats,  Weathersfield 
onions,  or  wooden  bowls,  and  to  furnish  them  writh  no  supplies 
of  gin,  gingerbread,  or  sourkrout. 

Another  interval  elapsed,  during  which  the  last  proclama 
tion  was  as  little  regarded  as  the  first,  and  the  non-intercourse 
was  especially  set  at  naught  by  the  young  folks  of  both  sexes, 
if  we  may  judge  by  the  active  bundling  which  took  place 
along  the  borders. 

At  length  one  day  the  inhabitants  of  New  Amsterdam 
were  aroused  by  a  furious  barking  of  dogs,  great  and  small, 
and  beheld,  to  their  surprise,  the  whole  garrison  of  Fort  Good 
Hoop  straggling  into  town  all  tattered  and  wayworn,  wi'li 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  221 

Jacobus  Van  Curlet  at  their  head,  bringing  the  melancholy  in 
telligence  of  the  capture  of  Fort  Goed  Hoop  by  the  Yankees. 

The  fate  of  this  important  fortress  is  an  impressive  warn 
ing  to  all  military  commanders.  It  was  neither  carried  by 
storm  nor  famine  ;  nor  was  it  undermined  ;  nor  bombarded  ; 
nor  set  on  fire  by  red-hot  shot ;  but  was  taken  by  a  stratagem 
no  less  singular  than  effectual,  and  which  can  never  fail  of 
success,  whenever  an  opportunity  occurs  of  putting  it  in 
practice. 

It  seems  that  the  Yankees  had  received  intelligence  that 
the  garrison  of  Jacobus  Van  Curlet  had  been  reduced  nearly 
one-eighth  by  the  death  of  two  of  his  most  corpulent  soldiers, 
who  had  overeaten  themselves  on  fat  salmon  caught  in  the 
Varsche  river.  A  secret  expedition  was  immediately  set  on 
foot  to  surprise  the  fortress.  The  crafty  enemy  knowing  the 
habits  of  the  garrison  to  sleep  soundly  after  they  had  eaten 
their  dinners  and  smoked  their  pipes,  stole  upon  them  at  the 
noontide  of  a  sultry  summer's  day,  and  surprised  them  in  the 
midst  of  their  slumbers. 

In  an  instant  the  flag  of  their  High  Mightinesses  was  lower 
ed,  and  the  Yankee  standard  elevated  in  its  stead,  being  a 
dried  codfish,  by  way  of  a  spread  eagle.  A  strong  garri 
son  was  appointed,  of  long-sided,  hard-fisted  Yankees,  with 
Weathersfield  onions  for  cockades  and  feathers.  As  to  Jaco 
bus  Van  Curlet  and  his  men,  they  were  seized  by  the  nape  of 
the  neck,  conducted  to  the  gate,  and  one  by  one  dismissed 
with  a  kick  in  the  crupper,  as  Charles  XII.  dismissed  the 
heavy-bottomed  Russians  at  the  battle  of  Narva ;  Jacobus 
Van  Curlet  receiving  two  kicks  in  consideration  of  his  official 
dignity. 


CHAPTER  IY. 

CONTAINING  THE  FEARFUL  WRATH  OF  WILLIAM  THE  TESTY,  AND  THE 
ALARM  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM HOW  THE  GOVERNOR  DID  STRONGLY  FOR 
TIFY  THE  CITY OF  THE  RISE  OF  ANTHONY  THE  TRUMPETER,  AND  THE 

WINDY    ADDITION    TO    THE    ARMORIAL    BEARINGS    OF    NEW    AMSTERDAM. 

T  ANGUAGE  cannot  express  the  awful  ire  of  William  the 
-*^  Testy  on  hearing  of  the  catastrophe  at  Fort  Goed  Hoop. 
For  three  good  hours  his  rage  was  too  great  for  words,  or 
rather  the  words  were  too  great  for  him,  (being  a  very  small 
man,)  and  he  was  nearly  choked  by  the  misshapen,  nine- 
cornered  Dutch  oaths  and  epithets  which  crowded  at  once 
into  his  gullet.  At  length  his  words  found  vent,  and  for  three 
days  he  kept  up  a  constant  discharge,  anathematizing  the 
Yankees,  man,  woman,  and  child,  for  a  set  of  dieven,  schobbe- 
jacken,  deugenieten,  twistzoekeren,  blaes-kaken,  loosen-schal- 
ken,  kakken-bedden,  and  a  thousand  other  names,  of  which, 
unfortunately  for  posterity,  history  does  not  make  mention. 
Finally,  he  swore  that  he  would  have  nothing  more  to  do 
with  such  a  squatting,  bundling,  guessing,  questioning,  swap 
ping,  pumpkin-eating,  molasses-daubing,  shingle-splitting,  ci 
der-watering,  horse-jockeying,  notion-peddling  crew — that  they 
might  stay  at  Fort  Goed  Hoop  and  rot,  before  he  would  dirty 
his  hands  by  attempting  to  drive  them  away ;  in  proof  of 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

which  he  ordered  the  new-raised  troops  to  be  marched  forth 
with  into  winter  quarters,  although  it  was  not  as  yet  quite  mid 
summer.  Great  despondency  now  fell  upon  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam.  It  was  feared  that  the  conquerors  of  Fort  Goed 
Hoop,  flushed  with  victory  and  apple-brandy,  might  march  on 
to  the  capital,  take  it  by  storm,  and  annex  the  whole  province 
to  Connecticut.  The  name  of  Yankee  became  as  terrible 
among  the  Nieuw  Nederlanders  as  was  that  of  Gaul  among 
the  ancient  Romans ;  insomuch  that  the  good  wives  of  the 
Manhattoes  used  it  as  a  bugbear  wherewith  to  frighten  their 
unruly  children. 

Everybody  clamored  around  the  governor,  imploring  him 
to  put  the  city  in  a  complete  posture  of  defence,  and  he  lis 
tened  to  their  clamors.  Nobody  could  accuse  "William  the 
Testy  of  being  idle  in  time  of  danger,  or  at  any  other  time. 
He  was  never  idle,  but  then  he  was  often  busy  to  very  little 
purpose.  When  a  youngling  he  had  been  impressed  with  the 
w^ords  of  Solomon,  "  Go  to  the  ant,  thou  sluggard,  observe 
her  ways  and  be  wise,"  in  conformity  to  which  he  had  ever 
been  of-  a  restless,  ant-like  turn  ;  hurrying  hither  and  thither, 
nobody  knew  why  or  wherefore,  busying  himself  about  small 
matters  with  an  air  of  great  importance  and  anxiety,  and  toil 
ing  at  a  grain  of  mustard-seed  in  the  full  conviction  that  he 
was  moving  a  mountain.  In  the  present  instance,  he  called  in 
all  his  inventive  powers  to  his  aid,  and  was  continually  pon 
dering  over  plans,  making  diagrams,  and  worrying  about  with 
a  troop  of  workmen  and  projectors  at  his  heels.  At  length, 
after  a  world  of  consultation  and  contrivance,  his  plans  of 
defence  ended  in  rearing  a  great  flag-staff  in  the  centre  of  the 
fort,  and  perching  a  wind-mill  on  each  bastion. 


22tt  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

These  •warlike  preparations  in  some  measure  allayed  the 
public  alarm,  especially  after  an  additional  means  of  securing 
the  safety  of  the  city  had  been  suggested  by  the  governor's 
lady.  It  has  already  been  hinted  in  this  most  authentic  his 
tory,  that  in  the  domestic  establishment  of  William  the  Testy 
"  the  gray  mare  was  the  better  horse  ;  "  in  other  words,  that 
his  wife,  "  ruled  the  roast,"  and,  in  governing  the  governor, 
governed  the  province,  which  might  thus  be  said  to  be  under 
petticoat  government. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  about  this  time  there  lived  in 
the  Manhattoes  a  jolly,  robustious  trumpeter,  named  Antony 
Van  Coiiear,  famous  for  his  long  wind  ;  and  who,  as  the  story 
goes,  could  twang  so  potently  upon  his  instrument,  that  the 
effect  upon  all  within  hearing  was  like  that  ascribed  to  the 
Scotch  bagpipe  when  it  sings  right  lustily  i'  the  nose. 

This  sounder  of  brass  was  moreover  a  lusty  bachelor, 
with  a  pleasant,  burly  visage,  a  long  nose,  and  huge  whiskers, 
lie  had  his  little  boiverie,  or  retreat  in  the  country,  where  he 
led  a  roystering  life,  giving  dances  to  the  wives  and  daughters 
of  the  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes,  insomuch  that  he<  became 
a  prodigious  favorite  with  all  the  women,  young  and  old.  lie 
is  said  to  have  been  the  first  to  collect  that  famous  toll  levied 
on  the  fair  sex  at  Kissing  Bridge,  on  the  highway  to  Ilellgate.* 

To  this  sturdy  bachelor  the  eyes  of  all  the  women  were 
turned  in  this  time  of  darkness  and  peril,  as  the  very  man  to 
second  and  carry  out  the  plans  of  defence  of  the  governor. 

*  The  bridge  here  mentioned  by  Mr.  Knickerbocker  still  exists ;  but 
it  is  said  that  the  toll  is  seldom  collected  now-a-days  excepting  on 
sleighing  parties,  by  the  descendants  of  the  patriarchs,  who  still  pre 
serve  the  traditions  of  the  city. 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  225 

A  kind  of  petticoat  council  was  forthwith  held  at  the  govern 
ment  house,  at  which  the  governor's  lady  presided ;  and  this 
lady,  as  has  been  hinted,  being  all  potent  with  the  governor, 
the  result  of  these  councils  was  the  elevation  of  Antony  the 
Trumpeter  to  the  post  of  commandant  of  wind-mills  and 
champion  of  New  Amsterdam. 

The  city  being  thus  fortified  and  garrisoned,  it  would  have 
done  one's  heart  good  to  see  the  governor  snapping  his  fingers 
and  fidgeting  with  delight,  as  the  trumpeter  strutted  up  and 
down  the  ramparts  twanging  defiance  to  the  whole  Yankee 
race,  as  docs  a  modern  editor  to  all  the  principalities  and 
powers  on  the  other  side  of  the  Atlantic.  In  the  hands  of 
Antony  Van  Corlear  this  windy  instrument  appeared  to  him 
as  potent  as  the  horn  of  the  paladin  Astolpho,  or  even  the 
more  classic  horn  of  Alecto  ;  nay,  he  had  almost  the  temerity 
to  compare  it  with  the  rams'  horns  celebrated  in  holy  writ,  at 
the  very  sound  of  which  the  walls  of  Jericho  fell  down. 

Be  all  this  as  it  may,  the  apprehensions  of  hostilities  from 
the  east  gradually  died  away.  The  Yankees  made  no  further 
invasion-;  nay,  they  declared  they  had  only  taken  possession 
of  Fort  Gocd  Hoop  as  being  erected  within  their  territories. 
So  far  from  manifesting  hostility,  they  continued  to  throng  to 
,Ncw  Amsterdam  with  the  most  innocent  countenances  im 
aginable,  filling  the  market  with  their  notions,  being  as  ready 
to  trade  with  the  Nederlanders  as  ever — and  not  a  whit  more 
prone  to  get  to  the  windward  of  them  in  a  bargain. 

The  old  wives  of  the  Manhattoes  who  took  tea  with  the 
governor's  lady  attributed  all  this  affected  moderation  to  the 
awe  inspired  by  the  military  preparations  of  the  governor,  and 
the  windy  prowess  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter. 
10* 


i>2b'  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

There  were  not  wanting  illiberal  minds,  however,  who 
sneered  at  the  governor  for  thinking  to  defend  his  city  as  he 
governed  it,  by  mere  wind ;  but  William  Kieft  was  not  to  be 
jeered  out  of  his  wind-mills — he  had  seen  them  perched  upon 
the  ramparts  of  his  native  city  of  Saardam,and  was  persuaded 
they  were  connected  with  the  great  science  of  defence ;  nay, 
so  much  piqued  was  he  by  having  them  made  a  matter  of 
ridicule,  that  he  introduced  them  into  the  arms  of  the  city, 
where  they  remain  to  this  day,  quartered  with  the  ancient 
beaver  of  the  Manhattoes,  an  emblem  and  memento  of  his 
policy. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  certain  wise  old  burghers 
of  the  Manhattoes,  skilful  in  expounding  signs  and  mysteries, 
after  events  have  come  to  pass,  consider  this  early  intrusion 
of  the  wind-mill  into  the  escutcheon  of  our  city,  which  before 
had  been  wholly  occupied  by  the  beaver,  as  portentous  of  its 
after  fortune,  when  the  quiet  Dutchman  would  be  elbowed 
aside  by  the  enterprising  Yankee,  and  patient  industry  over 
topped  by  windy  speculation. 


CHAPTER  Y. 

OF   THE   JURISPRUDENCE    OP  WILLIAM   THE    TESTY,  AND   HIS   ADMIRABLE  EX- 
PEDIENTS    FOR    THE    SUPPRESSION    OF    POVERTY. 

AMONG  the  wrecks  and  fragments  of  exalted  wisdom 
which  have  floated  down  the  stream  of  time  from  vener 
able  antiquity,  and  been  picked  up  by  those  humble,  but  in 
dustrious  wights  who  ply  along  the  shores  of  literature,  we 
find  a  shrewd  ordinance  of  Charondas  the  Locrian  legislator. 
Anxious  to  preserve  the  judicial  code  of  the  State  from  the 
additions  and  amendments  of  country  members  and  seekers 
of  popularity,  he  ordained  that,  whoever  proposed  a  new  law 
should  do  it  with  a  halter  about  his  neck  ;  whereby,  in  case 
his  proposition  were  rejected,  they  just  hung  him  up — and 
there  the  matter  ended. 

The  effect  was,  that  for  more  than  two  hundred  years  there 
was  but  one  trifling  alteration  in  the  judicial  code  ;  and  legal 
matters  were  so  clear  and  simple  that  the  whole  race  of  law 
yers  starved  to  death  for  want  of  employment.  The  Locri- 
ans,  too,  being  freed  from  all  incitement  to  litigation,  lived 
very  lovingly  together,  and  were  so  happy  a  people  that  they 
make  scarce  any  figure  in  history ;  it  being  only  your  liti 
gious,  quarrelsome,  rantipole  nations  who  make  much  noise 
in  the  world. 


228  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

I  have  been  reminded  of  these  historical  facts  in  coming  to 
treat  of  the  internal  policy  of  William  the  Testy.  Well 
would  it  have  been  for  him  had  he  in  the  course  of  his  univer 
sal  acquirements  stumbled  upon  the  precaution  of  the  good 
Charondas,  or  had  he  looked  nearer  home  at  the  protectorate 
of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  when  the  community  was  governed 
without  laws.  Such  legislation,  however,  was  not  suited  to 
the  busy,  meddling  mind  of  William  the  Testy.  On  the  con 
trary,  he  conceived  that  the  true  wisdom  of  legislation  con 
sisted  in  the  multiplicity  of  laws.  lie  accordingly  had  great 
punishments  for  great  crimes,  and  little  punishments  for  little 
offences.  By  degrees  the  whole  surface  of  society  was  cut  up 
by  ditches  and  fences,  and  quickset  hedges  of  the  law,  and 
even  the  sequestered  paths  of  private  life  so  beset  by  petty 
rules  and  ordinances,  too  numerous  to  be  remembered,  that 
one  could  scarce  walk  at  large  without  the  risk  of  letting  off  a 
spring-gun  or  falling  into  a  man-trap. 

In  a  little  while  the  blessings  of  innumerable  laws  became 
apparent — a  class  of  men  arose  to  expound  and  confound  them. 
Petty  courts  were  instituted  to  take  cognizance  of  petty  of 
fences,  pettifoggers  began  to  abound  ;  and  the  community  was 
soon  set  together  by  the  ears. 

Let  me  not  be  thought  as  intending  any  thing  derogatory 
to  the  profession  of  the  law,  or  to  the  distinguished  members 
of  that  illustrious  order.  Well  am  I  aware  that  we  have  in 
this  ancient  city  innumerable  worthy  gentlemen,  the  knights- 
errants  of  modern  days,  who  go  about  redressing  wrongs  and 
defending  the  defenceless,  not  for  the  love  of  filthy  lucre,  nor 
the  selfish  cravings  of  renown,  but  merely  for  the  pleasure  of 
doing  good.  Sooner  would  I  throw  this  trusty  pen  into  the 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  229 

flames,  and  cork  up  my  ink-bottle  forever,  than  infringe  even 
for  a  nail's  breadth  upon  the  dignity  of  these  truly  benevolent 
champions  of  the  distressed.  On  the  contrary,  I  allude  merely 
to  those  caitiff  scouts  who,  in  these  latter  days  of  evil,  infest 
the  skirts  of  the  profession,  as  did  the  recreant  Cornish  knights 
of  yore,  the  honorable  order  of  chivalry ;  who,  under  its  aus 
pices,  commit  flagrant  wrongs ;  who  thrive  by  quibbles,  by 
quirks  and  chicanery,  and  like  vermin  increase  the  corruption 
in  which  they  are  engendered. 

Nothing  so  soon  awakens  the  malevolent  passions  as  the 
facility  of  gratification.  The  courts  of  law  would  never  be  so 
crowded  with  petty,  vexatious  and  disgraceful  suits,  were  it 
not  for  the  herds  of  pettifoggers.  These  tamper  with  the  pas 
sions  of  the  poorer  and  more  ignorant  classes  ;  who,  as  if  pov 
erty  were  not  a  sufficient  misery  in  itself,  arc  ever  ready  to 
imbitter  it  by  litigation.  These,  like  quacks  in  medicine, 
excite  the  malady  to  profit  by  the  cure,  and  retard  the  cure  to 
augment  the  fees.  As  the  quack  exhausts  the  constitution, 
the  pettifogger  exhausts  the  purse ;  and  as  he  who  has  once 
been  under  the  hands  of  a  quack,  is  forever  after  prone  to  dab 
ble  in  drugs,  and  poison  himself  with  infallible  prescriptions  ; 
so  the  client  of  the  pettifogger  is  ever  after  prone  to  embroil 
himself  with  his  neighbors,  and  impoverish  himself  with  suc 
cessful  lawsuits.  My  readers  will  excuse  this  digression  into 
which  I  have  been  unwarily  betrayed  ;  but  I  could  not  avoid 
giving  a  cool  and  unprejudiced  account  of  an  abomination  too 
prevalent  in  this  excellent  city,  and  with  the  effects  of  which  I 
am  ruefully  acquainted  :  having  been  nearly  ruined  by  a  law 
suit  which  was  decided  against  me  ;  and  my  ruin  having  been 
completed  by  another,  which  was  decided  in  my  favor. 


230  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

To  return  to  our  theme.  There  was  nothing  in  the  whole 
range  of  moral  offences  against  which  the  jurisprudence  of 
William  the  Testy  was  more  strenuously  directed,  than  the 
crying  sin  of  poverty.  lie  pronounced  it  the  root  of  all  evil, 
and  determined  to  cut  it  up,  root  and  branch,  and  extirpate  it 
from  the  land.  He  had  been  struck,  in  the  course  of  his  trav 
els  in  the  old  countries  of  Europe,  with  the  wisdom  of  those 
notices  posted  up  in  country  towns,  that  "  any  vagrant  found 
be<™in<r  there  would  be  put  in  the  stocks,"  and  he  had  ob- 

O£!>         O  •*• 

served,  that  no  beggars  were  to  be  seen  in  these  neighbor 
hoods  ;  having  doubtless  thrown  off  their  rags  and  their  pov 
erty  and  become  rich  under  the  terror  of  the  law.  He  deter 
mined  to  improve  upon  this  hint.  In  a  little  while  a  new 
machine  of  his  own  invention,  was  erected  hard  by  Dog's 
Misery.  This  was  nothing  more  nor  less  than  a  gibbet,  of  a 
very  strange,  uncouth,  and  unmatchable  construction,  far  more 
efficacious,  as  he  boasted,  than  the  stocks,  for  the  punishment 
of  poverty.  It  was  for  altitude  not  a  whit  inferior  to  that  of 
I-Iaman  so  renowned  in  Bible  history  ;  but  the  marvel  of  the 
contrivance  was,  that  the  culprit,  instead  of  being  suspended 
by  the  neck  according  to  venerable  custom,  was  hoisted  by 
the  waistband,  and  kept  dangling  and  sprawling  between 
heaven  and  earth  for  an  hour  or  two  at  a  time — to  the  infinite 
entertainment  and  edification  of  the  respectable  citizens  who 
usually  attend  exhibitions  of  the  kind. 

It  is  incredible  how  the  little  governor  chuckled  at  behold 
ing  caitiff  vagrants  and  sturdy  beggars  thus  swinging  by  the 
crupper,  and  cutting  antic  gambols  in  the  air.  He  had  a  thou 
sand  pleasantries,  and  mirthful  conceits  to  utter  upon  these 
occasions.  He  called  them  his  dandle-lions — his  wild-fowl — 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    TOKK.  231 

his  high-fliers — his  spread-eagles — his  goshawks — his  scare 
crows — and  finally,  his  gallo ivs-b irds  ;  which  ingenious  appel 
lation,  though  originally  confined  to  worthies  who  had  taken 
the  air  in  this  strange  manner,  has  since  grown  to  be  a  cant- 
name  given  to  all  candidates  for  legal  elevation.  This  punish 
ment,  moreover,  if  we  may  credit  the  assertions  of  certain 
grave  etymologists,  gave  the  first  hint  for  a  kind  of  harnessing, 
or  strapping,  by  which  our  forefathers  braced  up  their  multi 
farious  breeches,  and  which  has  of  late  years  been  revived, 
and  continues  to  be  worn  at  the  present  day. 

Such  was  the  punishment  of  all  petty  delinquents,  va 
grants  and  beggars  and  others  detected  in  being  guilty  of  pov 
erty  in  a  small  way  ;  as  to  those  wrho  had  offended  on  a  great 
scale,  who  had  been  guilty  of  flagrant  misfortunes  and  enor 
mous  backslidings  of  the  purse,  and  who  stood  convicted  of 
large  debts,  wrhich  they  were  unable  to  pay,  William  Kieft  had 
them  straightway  inclosed  within  the  stone  walls  of  a  prison, 
there  to  remain  until  they  should  reform  and  grow  rich.  This 
notable  expedient,  however,  does  not  appear  to  have  been 
more  efficacious  under  William  the  Testy  than  in  more  mod 
ern  days  :  it  being  found  that  the  longer  a  poor  devil  wras 
kept  in  prison  the  poorer  he  grew. 


CHAPTER  VI. 

PROJECTS    OF   WILLIAM   THE    TESTY    FOR    INCREASING     THE     CURRENCY  —  HE 
IS    OUTWITTED    BY    THE    YANKEES THE    GREAT    OYSTER   WAR. 

NEXT  to  his  projects  for  the  suppression  of  poverty,  may 
be  classed  those  of  William  the  Testy,  for  increasing  the 
wealth  of  New  Amsterdam.  Solomon,  of  whose  character  for 
wisdom  the  little  governor  was  somewhat  emulous,  had  made 
gold  and  silver  as  plenty  as  the  stones  in  the  streets  of  Jeru 
salem.  "William  Kieft  could  not  pretend  to  vie  with  him  as 
to  the  precious  metals,  but  he  determined,  as  an  equivalent,  to 
flood  the  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  with  Indian  money. 
This  was  nothing  more  nor  less  than  strings  of  beads  wrought 
of  clams,  periwinkles,  and  other  shell-fish,  and  called  seawant 
or  wampum.  These  had  formed  a  native  currency  among  the 
simple  savages  ;  who  were  content  to  take  them  of  the  Dutch 
men  in  exchange  for  peltries.  In  an  unlucky  moment,  Wil 
liam  the  Testy,  seeing  this  money  of  easy  production,  con 
ceived  the  project  of  making  it  the  current  coin  of  the  prov 
ince.  It  is  true  it  had  an  intrinsic  value  among  the  Indians, 
who  used  it  to  ornament  their  robes  and  moccasons,  but 
among  the  honest  burghers  it  had  no  more  intrinsic  value  than 
those  rags  which  form  the  paper  currency  of  modern  days. 


IIISTOKY    OF    ;NE\V    YOKK.  1JOO 

This  consideration,  however,  had  no  weight  with  William 
Kieft.  Ho  began  by  paying  all  the  servants  of  the  company, 
and  all  the  debts  of  government,  in  strings  of  wampum.  lie 
sent  emissaries  to  sweep  the  shores  of  Long  Island,  which  was 
the  Ophir  of  this  modern  Solomon,  and  abounded  in  shell-fish. 
These  were  transported  in  loads  to  New  Amsterdam,  coined 
into  Indian  money,  and  launched  into  circulation. 

And  now,  for  a  time,  affairs  went  on  swimmingly  ;  money 
became  as  plentiful  as  in  the  modern  days  of  paper  currency, 
and.  to  use  the  popular  phrase,  "  a  wonderful  impulse  was 
given  to  public  prosperity."  Yankee  traders  poured  into  the 
province,  buying  every  thing  they  could  lay  their  hands  on, 
and  paying  the  worthy  Dutchmen  their  own  price — in  Indian 
money.  If  the  latter,  however,  attempted  to  pay  the  Yankees 
in  the  same  coin  for  their  tinware  and  wooden  bowls,  the  case 
was  altered  ;  nothing  would  do  but  Dutch  guilders  and  such 
like  "  metallic  currency."  What  was  worse,  the  Yankees 
introduced  an  inferior  kind  of  wampum  made  of  oyster-shells, 
with  which  they  deluged  the  province,  carrying  off  in  exchange 
nil  the  silver  and  gold,  the  Dutch  herrings,  and  Dutch  cheeses  : 
thus  early  did  the  knowing  men  of  the  east  manifest  their  skill 
in  bargaining  the  New  Amsterdammers  out  of  the  oyster,  and 
leaving  them  the  shell/" 


8 


*  In  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province,  dated  1650,  Library  of 
the  New  York  IIistoric.il  Society,  is  the  following  mention  of  Indian 
money : 

Seawant  alias  wampum.  Beads  manufactured  from  the  Quahany  or 
icilk :  a  shell-fish  formerly  abounding  on  our  coasts,  but  lately  of  more 
rare  occurrence,  of  two  colors,  black  and  white  ;  the  former  twice  the 
value  of  the  latter.  Six  beads  of  the  white  and  three  of  the  black  for 
an  English  penny.  The  seawant  depreciates  from  time  to  time.  The 


"234:  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YO11K. 

It  was  a  long  time  before  William  the  Testy  was  made 
sensible  how  completely  his  grand  project  of  finance  was  turn 
ed  against  him  by  his  eastern  neighbors  ;  nor  would  he  prob 
ably  have  ever  found  it  out,  had  not  tidings  been  brought  him 
that  the  Yankees  had  made  a  descent  upon  Long  Island  and 
had  established  a  kind  of  mint  at  Oyster  Bay,  where  they 
were  coining  up  all  the  oyster  banks. 

Now  this  was  making  a  vital  attack  upon  the  province  in 
a  double  sense,  financial  and  gastronomical.  Ever  since  the 
council  dinner  of  Oloflfe  the  Dreamer  at  the  founding  of  New 
Amsterdam,  at  which  banquet  the  oyster  figured  so  conspic 
uously,  this  divine  shell-fish  has  been  held  in  a  kind  of  super 
stitious  reverence  at  the  Manhattoes  ;  as  witness  the  temples 
erected  to  its  cult  in  every  street  and  lane  and  alley.  In  fact 
it  is  the  standard  luxury  of  the  place,  as  is  the  terrapin  at 
Philadelphia,  the  soft  crab  at  Baltimore,  or  the  canvas-back 
at  Washington. 

The  seizure  of  Oyster  Bay,  therefore,  was  an  outrage  not 
merely  on  the  pockets,  but  the  larders  of  the  New  Amster- 
dammers ;  the  whole  community  was  aroused,  and  an  oyster 
crusade  was  immediately  set  on  foot  against  the  Yankees. 
Every  stout  trencherman  hastened  to  the  standard ;  nay, 
some  of  the  most  corpulent  Burgomasters  and  Schepcns  joined 

New  England  people  make  use  of  it  as  a  means  of  barter,  not  only  to 
carry  away  the  best  cargoes  which  we  send  thither,  but  to  accumulate  a 
large  quantity  of  beavers  and  other  furs ;  by  which  the  company  is  de 
frauded  of  her  revenues,  and  the  merchants  disappointed  in  making  re 
turns  with  that  speed  with  which  they  might  wish  to  meet  their  engage 
ments  :  while  their  commissioners  and  the  inhabitants  remain  over 
stocked  with  seawant — a  sort  of  currency  of  no  value  except  with  the 
New  Netherland  savages,  &c. 


HISTOKY    Ob'    NEW    YOKK.  235 

the  expedition  as  a  corps  de  reserve,  only  to  be  called  into 
action  when  the  sacking  commenced. 

The  conduct  of  the  expedition  was  intrusted  to  a  valiant 
Dutchman,  who  for  size  and  weight  might  have  matched  with 
Colbrand  the  Danish  champion,  slain  by  Guy  of  Warwick. 
He  was  famous  throughout  the  province  for  strength  of  arm 
and  skill  at  quarter-staff,  and  hence  was  named  Stoffel  Brin- 
kerhoff ;  or  rather,  Brinkerhoofd ;  that  is  to  say,  Stoffel  the 
head-breaker. 

This  sturdy  commander,  who  was  a  man  of  few  words  but 
vigorous  deeds,  led  his  troops  resolutely  on  through  Nineveh, 
and  Babylon,  and  Jericho,  and  Patch-hog,  and  other  Long  Isl 
and  towns,  without  encountering  any  difficulty  of  note  ;  though 
it  is  said  that  some  of  the  burgomasters  gave  out  at  Hard- 
scramble  Hill  and  Hungry  Hollow,  and  that  others  lost  heart 
and  turned  back  at  Puss-panick.  With  the  rest  he  made  good 
his  march  until  he  arrived  in  the  neighborhood  of  Oyster  Bay. 

Here  he  was  encountered  by  a  host  of  Yankee  warriors, 
headed  by  Preserved  Fish,  and  Ilabakkuk  Nutter,  and  Return 
Strong,  and  Zerubbabel  Fisk,  and  Determined  Cock  !  at  the 
sound  of  whose  names  StofTcl  Brinkerhoff  verily  believed  the 
whole  parliament  of  Praise-God  Barebones  had  been  let  loose 
upon  him.  He  soon  found,  however,  that  they  were  merely 
the  "  selectmen  "  of  the  settlement,  armed  with  no  weapon 
but  the  tongue,  and  disposed  only  to  meet  him  on  the  field  of 
argument.  StofTel  had  but  one  mode  of  arguing  ;  that  was, 
with  the  cudgel ;  but  he  used  it  with  such  effect  that  he  routed 
his  antagonists,  broke  up  the  settlement,  and  would  have 
driven  the  inhabitants  into  the  sea  if  they  had  not  managed  to 
escape  across  the  Sound  to  the  mainland  by  the  Devil's  step- 


236  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

ping-stones,  which  remain  to  this  day  monuments  of  this  great 
Dutch  victory  over  the  Yankees. 

StofFel  Brinkerhoff  made  great  spoil  of  oysters  and  clams, 
coined  and  uncoined,  and  then  set  out  on  his  return  to  the 
Manhattoes.  A  grand  triumph,  after  the  manner  of  the  an 
cients,  was  prepared  for  him  by  William  the  Testy.  lie 
entered  New  Amsterdam  as  a  conqueror,  mounted  on  a  Nar- 
raganset  pacer.  Five  dried  codfish  on  poles,  standards  taken 
from  the  enemy,  were  borne  before  him,  and  an  immense  store 
of  oysters  and  clams,  Weathersfield  onions,  and  Yankee  "  no 
tions  "  formed  the  spolia  opima  ;  while  several  coiners  of  oys 
ter-shells  were  led  captive  to  grace  the  hero's  triumph. 

The  procession  was  accompanied  by  a  full  band  of  boys 
and  negroes  performing  on  the  popular  instruments  of  rattle- 
bones  and  clam-shells,  while  Antony  Van  Corlear  sounded  his 
trumpet  from  the  ramparts. 

A  great  banquet  was  served  up  in  the  stadthouse  from  the 
clams  and  oysters  taken  from  the  enemy ;  while  the  governor 
sent  the  shells  privately  to  the  mint  and  had  them  coined  into 
Indian  money,  with  which  he  paid  his  troops. 

It  is  moreover  said  that  the  governor,  calling  to  mind  the 
practice  among  the  ancients  to  honor  their  victorious  general 
with  public  statues,  passed  a  magnanimous  decree,  by  which 
every  tavern-keeper  was  permitted  to  paint  the  head  of  Stoffel 
Brinkerhoff  upon  his  sign  ! 


CHAPTER  VII. 

GKCTWING     DISCONTENTS    OF    NEW    AMSTERDAM    UNDER    THE    GOVERNMENT    OF 
WILLIAM    THE    TESTY. 

IT  has  been  remarked  by  the  observant  writer  of  the  Stuy- 
vesant  manuscript,  that  under  the  administration  of  Wil 
liam  Kieft  the  disposition  of  the  inhabitants  of  New  Amster 
dam  experienced  an  essential  change,  so  that  they  became  very 
meddlesome  and  factious.  The  unfortunate  propensity  of  the 
little  governor  to  experiment  and  innovation,  and  the  frequent 
exacerbations  of  his  temper,  kept  his  council  in  a  continual 
worry  ;  and  the  council  being  to  the  people  at  large  what 
yeast  or  leaven  is  to  a  batch,  they  threw  the  whole  commu 
nity  in  a  ferment ;  and  the  people  at  large  being  to  the  city 
what  the  mind  is  to  the  body,  the  unhappy  commotions  they 
underwent  operated  most  disastrously  upon  New  Amsterdam 
— insomuch  that,  in  certain  of  their  paroxysms  of  consterna 
tion  and  perplexity,  they  begat  several  of  the  most  crooked, 
distorted,  and  abominable  streets,  lanes,  and  alleys,  with 
which  this  metropolis  is  disfigured. 

The  fact  was,  that  about  this  time,  the  community,  like 
Balaam's  ass,  began  to  grow  more  enlightened  than  its  rider, 
and  to  show  a  disposition  for  what  is  called  "  self  govern- 


238  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YORK. 

mcnt."  This  restive  propensity  was  first  evinced  in.  certain 
popular  meetings,  in  which  the  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam 
met  to  talk  and  smoke  over  the  complicated  affairs  of  the 
province,  gradually  obfuscating  themselves  with  politics  and 
tobacco-smoke.  Hither  resorted  those  idlers  and  squires  of 
low  degree  who  hang  loose  on  society  and  are  blown  about  by 
every  wind  of  doctrine.  Cobblers  abandoned  their  stalls  to 
give  lessons  on  political  economy  ;  blacksmiths  suffered  their 
fires  to  go  out  while  they  stirred  up  the  fires  of  faction  ;  and 
even  tailors,  though  said  to  be  the  ninth  parts  of  humanity^ 
neglected  their  own  measures  to  criticize  the  measures  of  gov 
ernment. 

Strange  !  that  the  science  of  government,  which  seems  to 
be  so  generally  understood,  should  invariably  be  denied  to 
the  only  one  called  upon  to  exercise  it.  Not  one  of  the  poli 
ticians  in  question,  but,  take  his  word  for  it,  could  have  ad 
ministered  affairs  ten  times  better  than  William  the  Testy. 

Under  the  instructions  of  these  political  oracles  the  good 
people  of  New  Amsterdam  soon  became  exceedingly  enlight 
ened  ;  and,  as  a  matter  of  course,  exceedingly  discontented. 
They  gradually  found  out  the  fearful  error  in  which  they  had 
indulged,  of  thinking  themselves  the  happiest  people  in  crea 
tion  ;  and  were  convinced  that,  all  circumstances  to  the  con 
trary  notwithstanding,  they  were  a  very  unhappy,  deluded, 
and  consequently  ruined  people  ! 

We  are  naturally  prone  to  discontent,  and  avaricious  after 
imaginary  causes  of  lamentation.  Like  lubberly  monks  we 
belabor  our  own  shoulders,  and  take  a  vast  satisfaction  in  the. 
music  of  our  own  groans.  Nor  is  this  said  by  way  of  para 
dox  ;  daily  experience  shows  the  truth  of  these  observations. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  23(J 

It  is  almost  impossible  to  elevate  the  spirits  of  a  man  groan 
ing  under  ideal  calamities  ;  but  nothing  is  easier  than  to  ren 
der  him  wretched,  though  on  the  pinnacle  of  felicity ;  as  it 
would  be  an  Herculean  task  to  hoist  a  man  to  the  top  of  a 
steeple,  though  the  merest  child  could  topple  him  off  thence. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  these  popular  meetings 
were  generally  held  at  some  noted  tavern  ;  these  public  edi 
fices  possessing  what  in  modern  times  are  thought  the  true 
fountains  of  political  inspiration.  The  ancient  Greeks  delib 
erated  upon  a  matter  when  drunk,  and  reconsidered  it  when 
sober.  Mob  politicians  in  modern  times  dislike  to  have  two 
minds  upon  a  subject ;  so  they  both  deliberate  and  act  when 
drunk ;  by  this  means  a  world  of  delay  is  spared ;  and  as  it 
is  universally  allowed  that  a  man  when  drunk  sees  double,  it 
follows  conclusively  that  he  sees  twice  as  well  as  his  sober 
neighbors. 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

OF    THE    EDICT    OF    WILLIAM    THE     TESTY    AGAINST    TOBACCO  — OF    THE    PIPB 
PLOT,    AND   THE    RISE    OF    FEUDS   AND    PARTIES. 

TTTILIIELMUS  KIEFT,  as  has  already  been  observed, 
*  •  was  a  great  legislator  on  a  small  scale,  and  had  a  mi 
croscopic  eye  in  public  affairs.  He  had  been  greatly  annoyed 
by  the  factious  meeting  of  the  good  people  of  New  Amster 
dam,  but,  observing  that  on  these  occasions  the  pipe  was  ever 
in  their  mouth,  he  began  to  think  that  the  pipe  was  at  the 
bottom  of  the  affair,  and  that  there  was  some  mysterious  affin 
ity  between  politics  and  tobacco  smoke,  Determined  to  strike 
at  the  root  of  the  evil,  he  began,  forthwith,  to  rail  at  tobacco, 
as  a  noxious,  nauseous  weed  ;  filthy  in  all  its  uses  ;  and  as  to 
smoking  he  denounced  it  as  a  heavy  tax  upon  the  public 
pocket ;  a  vast  consumer  of  time,  a  great  encouragcr  of  idle 
ness,  and  a  deadly  bane  to  the  prosperity  and  morals  of  the 
people.  Finally  he  issued  an  edict,  prohibiting  the  smoking 
of  tobacco  throughout  the  New  Netherlands.  Ill-fated  Kieft  ! 
Had  he  lived  in  the  present  age  and  attempted  to  check  the 
unbounded  license  of  the  press,  he  could  not  have  struck  more 
sorely  upon  the  sensibilities  of  the  million.  The  pipe,  in  fact, 
was  the  great  organ  of  reflection  and  deliberation  of  the  New 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

Netherlander.  It  was  his  constant  companion  and  solace — 
was  he  gay,  he  smoked ;  was  he  sad,  he  smoked ;  his  pipe 
was  never  out  of  his  mouth  ;  it  was  a  part  of  his  physiognomy ; 
without  it  his  best  friends  would  not  know  him.  Take  away 
his  pipe  ?  You  might  as  well  take  away  his  nose  ! 

The  immediate  effect  of  the  edict  of  William  the  Testy 
was  a  popular  commotion.  A  vast  multitude  armed  with 
pipes  and  tobacco-boxes,  and  an  immense  supply  of  ammuni 
tion,  sat  themselves  down  before  the  governor's  house,  and 
fell  to  smoking  with  tremendous  violence.  The  testy  Wil 
liam  issued  forth  like  a  wrathful  spider,  demanding  the  reason 
of  this  lawless  fumigation.  The  sturdy  rioters  replied  by 
lolling  back  in  their  seats,  and  puffing  away  with  redoubled 
fury  ;  raising  such  a  murky  cloud  that  the  governor  was  fain 
to  take  refuge  in  the  interior  of  his  castle. 

A  long  negotiation  ensued  through  the  medium  of  Antony 
the  Trumpeter.  The  governor  was  at  first  wrathful  and  un 
yielding,  but  was  gradually  smoked  into  terms.  He  concluded 
by  permitting  the  smoking  of  tobacco,  but  he  abolished  the 
fair  long  pipes  used  in  the  days  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  de 
noting  ease,  tranquillity,  and  sobriety  of  deportment ;  these 
he  condemned  as  incompatible  with  the  despatch  of  business, 
in  place  whereof  he  substituted  little  captious  short  pipes,  two 
inches  in  length,  which,  he  observed,  could  be  stuck  in  one 
corner  of  the  mouth,  or  twisted  in  the  hat-band ;  and  would 
never  be  in  the  way.  Thus  ended  this  alarming  insurrection, 
which  was  long  known  by  the  name  of  The  Pipe  Plot,  and 
which,  it  has  been  somewhat  quaintly  observed,  did  end,  like 
most  plots  and  seditions,  in  mere  smoke. 

But  mark,  oh,  reader  !  the  deplorable  evils  which  did 
11 


24:2  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

afterwards  result.  The  smoke  of  these  villanous  little  pipes, 
continually  ascending  in  a  cloud  about  the  nose,  penetrated 
into  and  befogged  the  cerebellum  ;  dried  up  all  the  kindly 
moisture  of  the  brain,  and  rendered  the  people  who  used  them 
as  vaporish  and  testy  as  the  governor  himself.  Nay,  what  is 
worse,  from  being  goodly,  burly,  sleek-conditioned  men,  they 
became,  like  our  Dutch  yeomanry  who  smoke  short  pipes,  a 
lantern-jawed,  smoke-dried,  leathern-hided  race. 

Nor  was  this  all.  From  this  fatal  schism  in  tobacco  pipes 
we  may  date  the  rise  of  parties  in  the  Nieuw  Nederlands. 
The  rich  and  self-important  burghers  who  had  made  their  for 
tunes,  and  could  afford  to  be  lazy,  adhered  to  the  ancient 
fashion,  and  formed  a  kind  of  aristocracy  known  as  the  Long 
Pipes ;  while  the  lower  order,  adopting  the  reform  of  Wil 
liam  Kieft  as  more  convenient  in  their  handicraft  employ 
ments,  were  branded  with  the  plebeian  name  of  Short  Pipes. 

A  third  party  sprang  up,  headed  by  the  descendants  of 
Robert  Chewit,  the  companion  of  the  great  Hudson.  These 
discarded  pipes  altogether  and  took  to  chewing  tobacco  ;  hence 
they  were  called  Quids  ;  an  appellation  since  given  to  those 
political  mongrels,  which  sometimes  spring  up  between  two 
great  parties,  as  a  mule  is  produced  between  a  horse  and  an 
ass. 

And  here  I  would  note  the  great  benefit  of  party  distinc 
tions  in  saving  the  people  at  large  the  trouble  of  thinking. 
Hesiod  divides  mankind  into  three  classes,  those  who  think 
for  themselves,  those  who  think  as  others  think,  and  those 
who  do  not  think  at  all.  The  second  class  comprises  the 
great  mass  of  society  ;  for  most  people  require  a  set  creed 
and  a  file-leader.  Hence  the  origin  of  party  :  which  means  a 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  243 

large  body  of  people,  some  few  of  whom  think,  and  all  the 
rest  talk.  The  former  take  the  lead  and  discipline  the  latter ; 
prescribing  what  they  must  say ;  what  they  must  approve ; 
what  they  must  hoot  at ;  whom  they  must  support ;  but, 
above  all,  whom  they  must  hate ;  for  no  one  can  be  a  right 
good  partisan,  who  is  not  a  thorough-going  hater. 

The  enlightened  inhabitants  of  the  Manhattocs,  therefore, 
being  divided  into  parties,  were  enabled  to  hate  each  other 
with  great  accuracy.  And  now  the  great  business  of  politics 
went  bravely  on,  the  long  pipes  and  short  pipes  assembling 
in  separate  beer-houses,  and  smoking  at  each  other  with  im 
placable  vehemence,  to  the  great  support  of  the  state  and 
profit  of  the  tavern-keepers.  Some,  indeed,  went  so  far  as  to 
bespatter  their  adversaries  with  those  odoriferous  little  words 
which  smell  so  strong  in  the  Dutch  language  ;  believing,  like 
true  politicians,  that  they  served  their  party,  and  glorified 
themselves  in  proportion  as  they  bewrayed  their  neighbors. 
But,  however  they  might  differ  among  themselves,  all  parties 
agreed  in  abusing  the  governor ;  seeing  that  he  was  not  a  gov 
ernor  of  their  choice,  but  appointed  by  others  to  rule  over 
them. 

Unhappy  William  Kieft !  exclaims  the  sage  writer  of  the 
Stuyvesant  manuscript,  doomed  to  contend  with  enemies  too 
knowing  to  be  entrapped,  and  to  reign  over  a  people  too  wise 
to  be  governed.  All  his  foreign  expeditions  were  baffled  and 
set  at  naught  by  the  all-pervading  Yankees ;  all  his  home 
measures  were  canvassed  and  condemned  by  "  numerous  and 
respectable  meetings  "  of  pot-house  politicians. 

In  the  multitude  of  counsellors,  we  are  told,  there  is 
safety ;  but  the  multitude  of  counsellors  was  a  continual 


244  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

source  of  perplexity  to  William  Kieft.  With  a  temperament 
as  hot  as  an  old  radish,  and  a  mind  subject  to  perpetual  whirl 
winds  and  tornadoes,  he  never  failed  to  get  into  a  passion  with 
every  one  who  undertook  to  advise  him.  I  have  observed, 
however,  that  your  passionate  little  men,  like  small  boats  with 
large  sails,  are  easily  upset  or  blown  out  of  their  course  ;  so 
was  it  with  William  the  Testy,  who  was  prone  to  be  carried 
away  by  the  last  piece  of  advice  blown  into  his  ear.  The  con 
sequence  was,  that,  though  a  projector  of  the  first  class,  yet, 
by  continually  changing  his  projects,  he  gave  none  a  fair  trial ; 
and  by  endeavoring  to  do  every  thing,  he  in  sober  truth  did 
nothing. 

In  the  mean  time,  the  sovereign  people  got  into  the  saddle, 
showed  themselves,  as  usual,  unmerciful  riders  ;  spurring  on 
the  little  governor  with  harangues  and  petitions,  and  thwart 
ing  him  with  memorials  and  reproaches,  in  much  the  same 
way  as  holyday  apprentices  manage  an  unlucky  devil  of  a 
hack-horse — so  that  Wilhelmus  Kieft  was  kept  at  a  worry  or 
a  gallop  throughout  the  whole  of  his  administration. 


CHAPTER  IX. 

OF    THE    FOLLY    OF    BEING    HAPPY    IN    TIME    OF    PROSPERITY OF   TROUBLES 

TO    THE    SOUTH    BROUGHT    ON    BY    ANNEXATION OF    THE    SECRET    EXPE 
DITION    OF    JAN    JANSEN    ALPENDAM,    AND    HIS    MAGNIFICENT    REWARD. 

TF  we  could  but  get  a  peep  at  the  tally  of  dame  Fortune, 
^  where  like  a  vigilant  landlady  she  chalks  up  the  debtor 
and  creditor  accounts  of  thoughtless  mortals,  we  should  find 
that  every  good  is  checked  off  by  an  evil ;  and  that  however 
we  may  apparently  revel  scot-free  for  a  season,  the  time  will 
come  when  we  must  ruefully  pay  off  the  reckoning.  For 
tune  in  fact  is  a  pestilent  shrew,  and  withal  an  inexorable 
creditor ;  and  though  for  a  time  she  may  be  all  smiles  and 
curtsies  and  indulge  us  in  long  credits,  yet  sooner  or  later  she 
brings  up  her  arrears  with  a  vengeance,  and  washes  out  her 
scores  with  our  tears.  "  Since,"  says  good  old  Boetius,  "  no 
man  can  retain  her  at  his  pleasure,  what  are  her  favors  but 
sure  prognostications  of  approaching  trouble  and  calamity  1 " 
This  is  the  fundamental  maxim  of  that  sage  school  of 
philosophers  the  croakers,  who  esteem  it  true  wisdom  to 
doubt  and  despond  when  other  men  rejoice ;  well  knowing 
that  happiness  is  at  best  but  transient ;  that  the  higher  one  is 
elevated  on  the  see-saw  balance  of  fortune,  the  lower  must  be 
his  subsequent  depression  ;  that  he  who  is  on  the  uppermost 


246  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

round  of  a  ladder  has  most  to  suffer  from  a  fall,  while  he  who 
is  at  the  bottom  runs  very  little  risk  of  breaking  his  neck  by 
tumbling  to  the  top. 

Philosophical  readers  of  this  stamp  must  have  doubtless 
indulged  in  dismal  forebodings  all  through  the  tranquil  reign 
of  Walter  the  Doubter,  and  considered  it  what  Dutch  seamen 
call  a  weather-breeder.  They  will  not  be  surprised,  therefore, 
that  the  foul  weather  which  gathered  during  his  days,  should 
now  be  rattling  from  all  quarters  on  the  head  of  William 
the  Testy. 

The  origin  of  some  of  these  troubles  may  be  traced  quite 
back  to  the  discoveries  and  annexations  of  Hans  Reinier 
Oothout  the  explorer  and  Wynant  Ten  Breeches  the  land 
measurer,  made  in  the  twilight  days  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer ; 
by  which  the  territories  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands  were  car 
ried  far  to  the  south,  to  Delaware  river  and  parts  beyond. 
The  consequence  was,  many  disputes  and  brawls  writh  the 
Indians,  which  now  and  then  reached  the  drowsy  ears  of  Wal 
ter  the  Doubter  and  his  council,  like  the  muttering  of  distant 
thunder  from  behind  the  mountains,  without,  however,  dis 
turbing  their  repose.  It  was  not  till  the  time  of  William  the 
Testy  that  the  thunderbolt  reached  the  Manhattoes.  W'hile 
the  little  governor  was  diligently  protecting  his  eastern  boun 
daries  from  the  Yankees,  word  was  brought  him  of  the  irrup 
tion  of  a  vagrant  colony  of  Swedes  in  the  south,  who  had 
landed  on  the  banks  of  the  Delaware  and  displayed  the  ban 
ner  of  that  redoubtable  virago  Queen  Christina,  and  taken 
possession  of  the  country  in  her  name.  These  had  been 
guided  in  their  expedition  by  one  Peter  Minuits  or  Minne- 
wits,  a  renegade  Dutchman,  formerly  in  the  service  of  their 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW   YOKK.  247 

High  Mightinesses ;  but  who  now  declared  himself  governor  of 
all  the  surrounding  country,  to  which  was  given  the  name  of 
the  province  of  NEW  SWEDEN. 

It  is  an  old  saying  that  "  a  little  pot  is  soon  hot,"  which 
was  the  case  with  William  the  Testy.  Being  a  little  man  he 
was  soon  in  a  passion,  and  once  in  a  passion  he  soon  boiled 
over.  Summoning  his  council  on  the  receipt  of  this  news,  he 
belabored  the  Swedes  in  the  longest  speech  that  had  been 
heard  in  the  colony  since  the  wordy  warfare  of  Ten  Breeches 
and  Tough  Breeches.  Having  thus  taken  off  the  fire-edge  of 
his  valor,  he  resorted  to  his  favorite  measure  of  proclamation, 
and  despatched  a  document  of  the  kind,  ordering  the  renegade 
Minnewits  and  his  gang  of  Swedish  vagabonds  to  leave  the 
country  immediately,  under  pain  of  the  vengeance  of  their 
High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General,  and  of  the  po 
tentates  of  the  Manhattoes. 

This  strong  measure  was  not  a  whit  more  effectual  than  its 
predecessors,  which  had  been  thundered  against  the  Yankees  ; 
and  William  Kieffc  was  preparing  to  follow  it  up  with  something 
still  more  formidable,  when  he  received  intelligence  of  other 
invaders  on  his  southern  frontier ;  who  had  taken  possession 
of  the  banks  of  the  Schuylkill,  and  built  a  fort  there.  They 
were  represented  as  a  gigantic,  gunpowder  race  of  men,  ex 
ceedingly  expert  at  boxing,  biting,  gouging,  and  other  branches 
of  the  rough-and-tumble  mode  of  warfare,  which  they  had 
learned  from  their  prototypes  and  cousins-german,  the  Vir 
ginians,  to  whom  they  have  ever  borne  considerable  resem 
blance.  Like  them,  too,  they  were  great  roysters,  much  given 
to  revel  on  hoe-cake  and  bacon,  mint-julep  and  apple-toddy  ; 
whence  their  newly-formed  colony  had  already  acquired  the 


248  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

name  of  Merryland ;  which,  with  a  slight  modification,  it  re 
tains  to  the  present  day. 

In  fact  the  Merrylanders  and  their  cousins,  the  Virginians, 
were  represented  to  William  Kieft  as  offsets  from  the  same 
original  stock  as  his  bitter  enemies  the  Yanokie,  or  Yankee 
tribes  of  the  east ;  having  both  come  over  to  this  country  for 
the  liberty  of  conscience ;  or,  in  other  words,  to  live  as  they 
pleased :  the  Yankees  taking  to  praying  and  money-making, 
and  converting  quakers  ;  and  the  Southerners  to  horse-racing 
and  cock-fighting,  and  breeding  negroes. 

Against  these  new  invaders  Wilhelmus  Kieft  immediately 
despatched  a  naval  armament  of  two  sloops  and  thirty  men, 
under  Jan  Jansen  Alpendam,  who  was  armed  to  the  very  teeth 
with  one  of  the  little  governor's  most  powerful  speeches, 
written  in  vigorous  Low  Dutch. 

Admiral  Alpendam  arrived  without  accident  in  the  Schuyl- 
kill,  and  came  upon  the  enemy  just  as  they  were  engaged  in  a 
great  "  barbecue,"  a  kind  of  festivity  or  carouse  much  prac 
tised  in  Merryland.  Opening  upon  them  with  the  speech  of 
William  the  Testy,  he  denounced  them  as  a  pack  of  lazy, 
canting,  julep-tippling,  cock-fighting,  horse-racing,  slave-trad 
ing,  tavern-hunting,  Sabbath-breaking,  mulatto-breeding  up 
starts  ;  and  concluded  by  ordering  them  to  evacuate  the  coun 
try  immediately  :  to  which  they  laconically  replied  in  plain 
English,  "  they'd  see  him  d d  first !  " 

Now  this  was  a  reply  on  which  neither  Jan  Jansen  Alpen 
dam  nor  Wilhelmus  Kieft  had  made  any  calculation.  Find 
ing  himself,  therefore,  totally  unprepared  to  answer  so  terrible  a 
rebuff  with  suitable  hostility,  the  admiral  concluded  his  wisest 
course  would  be  to  return  home  and  report  progress.  He 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

accordingly  steered  his  course  back  to  New  Amsterdam,  where 
he  arrived  safe,  having  accomplished  this  hazardous  enterprise 
at  small  expense  of  treasure,  and  no  loss  of  life.  His  saving 
policy  gained  him  the  universal  appellation  of  the  Saviour  of 
his  Country  ;  and  his  services  were  suitably  rewarded  by  a 
shingle  monument,  erected  by  subscription  on  the  top  of 
Flattenbarrack-hill,  where  it  immortalized  his  name  for  three 
whole  years,  when  it  fell  to  pieces  and  was  burnt  for  firew ood. 


11* 


CHAPTEK  X. 


TROUBLOUS  TIMES  ON  THE  HUDSON — HOW  KILLIAN  VAN  RENSELLAER  ERECTED 
A  FEUDAL  CASTLE,  AND  HOW  HE  INTRODUCED  CLUB  LAW  INTO  THE 
PROVINCE. 

A  BOUT  this  time  the  testy  little  governor  of  the  New 
•^*-  Netherlands  appears  to  have  had  his  hands  full,  and  with 
one  annoyance  and  the  other  to  have  been  kept  continually  on 
the  bounce.  He  was  on  the  very  point  of  following  up  the 
expedition  of  Jan  Jansen  Alpendam  by  some  belligerent 
measures  against  the  marauders  of  Merryland,  when  his  atten 
tion  was  suddenly  called  away  by  belligerent  troubles  spring 
ing  up  in  another  quarter,  the  seeds  of  which  had  been  sown 
in  the  tranquil  days  of  Walter  the  Doubter. 

The  reader  will  recollect  the  deep  doubt  into  which  that 
most  pacific  governor  was  thrown  on  Killian  Van  Rensellaer's 
taking  possession  of  Beam  Island  }yy  wapen  recht.  While  the 
governor  doubted  and  did  nothing,  the  lordly  Killian  went  on 
to  complete  his  sturdy  little  castcllum  of  Rensellaerstein,  and 
to  garrison  it  with  a  number  of  his  tenants  from  the  Ilelder- 
berg,  a  mountain  region  famous  for  the  hardest  heads  and 
hardest  fists  in  the  province.  Nicholas  Koorn,  a  faithful  squire 
of  the  patroon,  accustomed  to  strut  at  his  heels,  wear  his  cast- 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  251 

ofT  clothes,  and  imitate  his  lofty  bearing,  was  established  in 
this  post  as  wacht-mcester.  His  duty  it  was  to  keep  an  eye 
on  the  river,  and  oblige  every  vessel  that  passed,  unless  on 
the  service  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  to  strike  its  flag,  lower 
its  peak,  and  pay  toll  to  the  lord  of  Eensellaerstein. 

This  assumption  of  sovereign  authority  within  the  terri 
tories  of  the  Lords  States  General,  however  it  might  have 
been  tolerated  by  Walter  the  Doubter,  had  been  sharply  con 
tested  by  William  the  Testy  on  coming  into  office,  and  many 
written  remonstrances  had  been  addressed  by  him  to  Killian 
Van  Rensellaer,  to  which  the  latter  never  deigned  a  reply. 
Thus,  by  degrees,  a  sore  place,  or,  in  Hibernian  parlance,  a 
raw,  had  been  established  in  the  irritable  soul  of  the  little 
governor,  insomuch  that  he  winced  at  the  very  name  of  Ren- 
sellaerstein. 

Now  it  came  to  pass,  that  on  a  fine  sunny  day  the  Com 
pany's  yacht  the  Half-Moon,  having  been  on  one  of  its  stated 
visits  to  Fort  Aurania,  was  quietly  tiding  it  down  the  Hudson. 
The  commander,  Go  vert  Lockerman,  a  veteran  Dutch  skipper 
of  few  words  but  great  bottom,  was  seated  on  the  high  poop, 
quietly  smoking  his  pipe  under  the  shadow  of  the  proud  flag 
of  Orange,  when,  on  arriving  abreast  of  Beam  Island,  he  was 
saluted  by  a  stentorian  voice  from  the  shore,  "  Lower  thy  flag, 
and  be  d d  to  thee  ! " 

Go  vert  Lockerman,  without  taking  his  pipe  out  of  his 
mouth,  turned  up  his  eye  from  under  his  broad-brimmed  hat 
to  see  who  hailed  him  thus  discourteously.  There,  on  the 
ramparts  of  the  fort,  stood  Nicholas  Koorn,  armed  to  the 
teeth,  flourishing  a  brass-hilted  sword,  while  a  steeple-crowned 
hat  and  cock's  tail-feather,  formerly  worn  by  Killian  Van 


252  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

Rensellaer  himself,  gave  an  inexpressible  loftiness  to  his 
demeanor. 

Govert  Lockerman  eyed  the  warrior  from  top  to  toe,  but 
was  not  to  be  dismayed.  Taking  the  pipe  slowly  out  of  his 
mouth,  "  To  whom  should  I  lower  my  flag  1 "  demanded  he. 
"  To  the  high  and  mighty  Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  the  lord  of 
Rensellaerstein  !  "  was  the  reply. 

"  I  lower  it  to  none  but  the  Prince  of  Orange  and  my 
masters  the  Lords  States  General."  So  saying,  he  resumed 
his  pipe  and  smoked  with  an  air  of  dogged  determination. 

Bang  !  went  a  gun  from  the  fortress ;  the  ball  cut  both 
sail  and  rigging.  Govert  Lockerman  said  nothing,  but  smoked 
the  more  doggedly. 

Bang  !  went  another  gun  ;  the  shot  whistled  close  astern. 

"  Fire,  and  be  d — d,"  cried  Govert  Lockerman,  cramming 
a  new  charge  of  tobacco  into  his  pipe,  and  smoking  with  still 
increasing  vehemence. 

Bang  !  went  a  third  gun.  The  shot  passed  over  his  head, 
tearing  a  hole  in  the  "  princely  flag  of  Orange." 

This  was  the  hardest  trial  of  all  for  the  pride  and  patience 
of  Govert  Lockerman.  lie  maintained  a  stubborn,  though 
swelling  silence ;  but  his  smothered  rage  might  be  perceived  by 
the  short  vehement  puffs  of  smoke  emitted  from  his  pipe,  by 
which  he  might  be  tracked  for  miles,  as  he  slowly  floated  out 
of  shot  and  out  of  sight  of  Beam  Island.  In  fact  he  never 
gave  vent  to  his  passion  until  he  got  fairly  among  the  high 
lands  of  the  Hudson  ;  when  he  let  fly  whole  volleys  of  Dutch 
oaths,  which  are  said  to  linger  to  this  very  day  among  the 
echoes  of  the  Dunderberg,  and  to  give  particular  effect  to 
the  thunder-stoi'ms  in  that  neighborhood. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  253 

It  was  the  sudden  apparition  of  Govert  Lockerman  at 
Dog's  Misery,  bearing  in  his  hand  the  tattered  flag  of  Orange, 
that  arrested  the  attention  of  William  the  Testy,  just  as  he 
was  devising  a  new  expedition  against  the  marauders  of  Mer 
ry  land.  I  will  not  pretend  to  describe  the  passion  of  the  little 
man  when  he  heard  of  the  outrage  of  Renscllaerstein.  Suffice 
it  to  say,  in  the  first  transports  of  his  fury,  he  turned  Dog's 
Misery  topsy-turvy  ;  kicked  every  cur  out  of  doors,  and 
threw  the  cats  out  of  the  window  ;  after  which,  his  spleen  be 
ing  in  some  measure  relieved,  he  went  into  a  council  of  war 
with  Govert  Lockerman,  the  skipper,  assisted  by  Antony 
Van  Corlear,  the  Trumpeter. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

OF  THE  DIPLOMATIC  MISSION  OF  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER  TO  THE  FOR 
TRESS  OF  RENSELLAERSTEIN AND  HOW  HE  WAS  PUZZLED  BY  A  CABAL 
ISTIC  REPLY. 

fTMIE  eyes  of  all  New  Amsterdam  were  now  turned  to  see 
-*-  what  would  be  the  end  of  this  direful  feud  between  "Wil 
liam  the  Testy  and  the  patroon  of  Rensellaerwick  ;  and  some 
observing  the  consultations  of  the  governor  with  the  skipper 
and  the  trumpeter,  predicted  warlike  measures  by  sea  and 
land.  The  wrath  of  William  Kieft  however,  though  quick  to 
rise,  was  quick  to  evaporate.  He  was  a  perfect  brush-heap 
in  a  blaze,  snapping  and  crackling  for  a  time,  and  then  ending 
in  smoke.  Like  many  other  valiant  potentates,  his  first 
thoughts  were  all  for  war,  his  sober  second  thoughts  for  diplo 
macy. 

Accordingly,  Govert  Lockerman  was  once  more  despatched 
up  the  river  in  the  Company's  yacht,  the  Gocd  Hoop,  bearing 
Antony  the  trumpeter  as  ambassador,  to  treat  with  the  belli 
gerent  powers  of  Rensellaerstein.  In  the  fulness  of  time  the 
yacht  arrived  before  Beam  Island,  and  Antony  the  trumpeter, 
mounting  the  poop,  sounded  a  parley  to  the  fortress.  In  a 
little  while  the  steeple-crowned  hat  of  Nicholas  Koorn,  the 
wacht-meester,  rose  above  the  battlements,  followed  by  his 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  255 

iron  visage,  ana  ultimately  his  whole  person,  armed,  as  before, 
to  the  very  teeth  ;  while,  one  by  one,  a  whole  row  of  Helder- 
bergers  reared  their  round  burly  heads  above  the  wall,  and 
beside  each  pumpkin-head  peered  the  end  of  a  rusty  musket. 
Nothing  daunted  by  this  formidable  array,  Antony  Van  Cor- 
lear  drew  forth  and  read  with  audible  voice  a  missive  from 
William  the  Testy,  protesting  against  the  usurpation  of  Beam 
Island,  and  ordering  the  garrison  to  quit  the  premises,  bag 
and  baggage,  on  pain  of  the  vengeance  of  the  potentate  of  the 
Manhattoes. 

In  reply  the  wacht-meester  applied  the  thumb  of  his  right 
hand  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  and  the  thumb  of  his  left  hand  to 
the  little  finger  of  the  right,  and  spreading  each  hand  like  a 
fan  made  an  aerial  nourish  with  his  fingers.  Antony  Van 
Corlear  was  sorely  perplexed  to  understand  this  sign,  which 
seemed  to  him  something  mysterious  and  masonic.  Not 
liking  to  betray  his  ignorance,  he  again  read  with  a  loud  voice 
the  missive  of  William  the  Testy,  and  again  Nicholas  Koorn 
applied  the  thumb  of  his  right  hand  to  the  end  of  his  nose,  and 
the  thumb  of  his  left  hand  to  the  little  finger  of  the  right  and 
repeated  this  kind  of  nasal  weather-cock.  Antony  Van  Cor 
lear  now  persuaded  himself  that  this  was  some  short-hand 
sign  or  symbol,  current  in  diplomacy  ;  which  though  unintel 
ligible  to  a  new  diplomat,  like  himself,  would  speak  volumes 
to  the  experienced  intellect  of  William  the  Testy  ;  considering 
his  embassy  therefore  at  an  end,  he  sounded  his  trumpet  with 
great  complacency  and  set  sail  on  his  return  down  the  river, 
every  now  and  then  practising  this  mysterious  sign  of  the 
Vvacht-meester,  to  keep  it  accurately  in  mind. 

Arrived  at  New  Amsterdam  he  made  a  faithful  report  of 


256  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

his  embassy  to  the  governor,  accompanied  by  a  manual  exhi 
bition  of  the  response  of  Nicholas  Koorn.  The  governor  was 
equally  perplexed  with  his  embassy.  He  was  deeply  versed 
in  the  mysteries  of  freemasonry  ;  but  they  threw  no  light  on 
the  matter.  He  knew  every  variety  of  windmill  and  weather 
cock,  but  was  not  a  whit  the  wiser  as  to  the  aerial  sign  in. 
question.  He  had  even  dabbled  in  Egyptian  hieroglyphics 
and  the  mystic  symbols  of  the  obelisks,  but  none  furnished  a 
key  to  the  reply  of  Nicholas  Koorn.  He  called  a  meeting  of 
his  council.  Antony  Van  Corlear  stood  forth  in  the  midst, 
and  putting  the  thumb  of  his  right  hand  to  his  nose  and  the 
thumb  of  his  left  hand  to  the  finger  of  the  right,  he  gave  a 
faithful  fac-simile  of  the  portentous  sign.  Having  a  nose  of 
unusual  dimensions,  it  was  as  if  the  reply  had  been  put  in 
capitals,  but  all  in  vain ;  the  worthy  burgomasters  were 
equally  perplexed  with  the  governor.  Each  one  put  his  thumb 
to  the  end  of  his  nose,  spread  his  fingers  like  a  fan,  imitated 
the  motion  of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  and  then  smoked  in  du 
bious  silence.  Several  times  was  Antony  obliged  to  stand 
forth  like  a  fugleman  and  repeat  the  sign,  and  each  time  a  cir 
cle  of  nasal  Mreather-cocks  might  be  seen  in  the  council  cham 
ber. 

Perplexed  in  the  extreme,  William  the  Testy  sent  for  all 
the  soothsayers,  and  fortune-tellers  and  wise  men  of  the  Man- 
hattoes,  but  none  could  interpret  the  mysterious  reply  of 
Nicholas  Koorn.  The  council  broke  up  in  sore  perplexity. 
The  matter  got  abroad,  and  Antony  Van  Corlear  was  stop 
ped  at  every  corner  to  repeat  the  signal  to  a  knot  of  anx 
ious  newsmongers,  each  of  whom  departed  with  his  thumb 
to  his  nose  and  his  fingers  in  the  air,  to  carry  the  story  home 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  257 

to  his  family.  For  several  days,  all  business  was  neglected  in 
New  Amsterdam  ;  nothing  was  talked  of  but  the  diplomatic 
mission  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter — nothing  was  to  be  seen 
but  knots  of  politicians  with  their  thumbs  to  their  noses.  In 
the  meantime  the  fierce  feud  between  William  the  Testy  and 
Killian  Van  Rensellaer,  which  at  first  had  menaced  deadly 
warfare,  gradually  cooled  off,  like  many  other  war  questions, 
in  the  prolonged  delays  of  diplomacy. 

Still  to  this  early  affair  of  Rensellaersteiri  may  be  traced 
the  remote  origin  of  those  windy  wars  in  modern  days  which 
rage  in  the  bowels  of  the  Helderberg,  and  have  well  nigh 
shaken  the  great  patroonship  of  the  Van  Rensellaers  to  its 
foundation ;  for  we  are  told  that  the  bully  boys  of  the  Hel 
derberg,  who  served  under  Nicholas  Koorn  the  wacht-meester, 
carried  back  to  their  mountains  the  hieroglyphic  sign  which 
had  so  sorely  puzzled  Antony  Van  Corlear  and  the  sages  of 
the  Manhattoes  ;  so  that  to  the  present  day  the  thumb  to  the 
nose  and  the  fingers  in  the  air  is  apt  to  be  the  reply  of  the 
Helderbergers  whenever  called  upon  for  any  long  arrears  of 
rent. 


CIIAPTEE  XII. 

CONTAINING  THE  RISE  OF  THE  GREAT  AMPHICTYONIC  COUNCIL  OF  THE 
PILGRIMS,  WITH  THE  DECLINE  AND  FINAL  EXTINCTION  OF  WILLIAM 
THE  TESTY. 

TT  was  asserted  by  the  wise  men  of  ancient  times,  who  had  a 
-*-  nearer  opportunity  of  ascertaining  the  fact,  that  at  the  gate 
of  Jupiter's  palace  lay  two  huge  tuns,  one  filled  with  blessings, 
the  other  with  misfortunes ;  and  it  would  verily  seem  as  if 
the  latter  had  been  completely  overturned  and  left  to  deluge 
the  unlucky  province  of  Nieuw  Nederlands  :  for  about  this 
time,  while  harassed  and  annoyed  from  the  south  and  the 
north,  incessant  forays  wore  made  by  the  border  chivalry  of 
Connecticut  upon  the  pig-stys  and  hen-roosts  of  the  Neder- 
landcrs.  Every  day  or  two  some  broad-bottomed  express- 
rider,  covered  with  mud  and  mire,  would  come  floundering 
into  the  gate  of  New  Amsterdam,  freighted  with  some  new 
tale  of  aggression  from  the  frontier  ;  whereupon  Antony  Van 
Corlear,  seizing  his  trumpet,  the  only  substitute  for  a  news 
paper  in  those  primitive  days,  would  sound  the  tidings  from 
the  ramparts  with  such  doleful  notes  and  disastrous  cadence 
as  to  throw  half  the  old  women  in  the  city  into  hysterics  ;  all 
which  tended  greatly  to  increase  his  popularity  ;  there  being 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  259 

nothing  for  which  the  public  are  more  grateful  than  being  fre 
quently  treated  to  a  panic ;  a  secret  Avell  known  to  modern 
editors. 

But,  oh  ye  powers  !  into  what  a  paroxysm  of  passion  did 
each  new  outrage  of  the  Yankees  throw  the  choleric  little  gov 
ernor  !  Letter  after  letter,  protest  after  protest,  bad  Latin, 
worse  English,  and  hideous  Low  Dutch,  were  incessantly  ful 
minated  upon  them,  and  the  four-and-twenty  letters  of  the 
alphabet,  which  formed  his  standing  army,  were  worn  out  by 
constant  campaigning.  All,  however,  was  ineffectual ;  even 
the  recent  victory  at  Oyster  Bay,  which  had  shed  such  a  gleam 
of  sunshine  between  the  clouds  of  his  foul-weather  reign,  was 
soon  followed  by  a  more  fearful  gathering  up  of  those  clouds, 
and  indications  of  more  portentous  tempest ;  for  the  Yankee 
tribe  on  the  banks  of  the  Connecticut,  finding  on  this  memo 
rable  occasion  their  incompetency  to  cope,  in  fair  fight,  with 
the  sturdy  chivalry  of  the  Manhattoes,  had  called  to  their  aid 
all  the  ten  tribes  of  their  brethren  who  inhabit  the  east  coun 
try,  which  from  them  has  derived  the  name  of  Yankee  land. 
This  call  was  promptly  responded  to.  The  consequence  was 
a  great  confederacy  of  the  tribes  of  Massachusetts,  Connecti 
cut,  New  Plymouth  and  New  Haven,  under  the  title  of  the 
"  United  Colonies  of  New  England ;  "  the  pretended  object  of 
which  was  mutual  defence  against  the  savages ;  but  the  real 
object  the  subjugation  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands. 

For,  to  let  the  reader  into  one  of  the  great  secrets  of  history, 
the  Nieuw  Nederlands  had  long  been  regarded  by  the  whole 
Yankee  race  as  the  modern  land  of  promise,  and  themselves  as 
the  chosen  and  peculiar  people  destined,  one  day  or  other,  by 
hook  or  by  crook,  to  get  possession  of  it.  In  truth  they  are  a 


260  HISTOiiY    OF    XEW 

wonderful  and  all-prevalent  people  ;  of  that  class  who  only  re 
quire  an  inch  to  gain  an  ell,  or  a  halter  to  gain  a  horse.  From 
the  time  they  first  gained  a  foothold  on  Plymouth  Rock,  they 
began  to  migrate,  progressing  and  progressing  from  place  to 
place,  and  land  to  land,  making  a  little  here  and  a  little  there, 
and  controverting  the  old  proverb,  that  a  rolling  stone  gath 
ers  no  moss.  Hence  they  have  facetiously  received  the  nick 
name  of  THE  PILGRIMS  :  that  is  to  say,  a  people  who  are  al 
ways  seeking  a  better  country  than  their  own. 

The  tidings  of  this  great  Yankee  league  struck  William 
Kieft  with  dismay,  and  for  once  in  his  life  he  forgot  to  bounce 
on  receiving  a  disagreeable  piece  of  intelligence.  In  fact,  on 
turning  over  in  his  mind  all  that  he  had  read  at  the  Hague 
about  leagues  and  combinations,  he  found  that  this  was  a  coun 
terpart  of  the  Amphictyonic  league,  by  which  the  states  of 
Greece  attained  such  power  and  supremacy  ;  and  the  very 
idea  made  his  heart  quake  for  the  safety  of  his  empire  at  the 
Manhattoes. 

The  affairs  of  the  confederacy  were  managed  by  an  annual 
council  of  delegates  held  at  Boston,  which  Kieft  denominated 
the  Delphos  of  this  truly  classic  league.  The  very  first  meet 
ing  gave  evidence  of  hostility  to  the  Nieuw  Nederlanders, 
who  were  charged,  in  their  dealings  with  the  Indians,  with 
carrying  on  a  traffic  in  "  guns,  powther  and  shott — a  trade 
damnable  and  injurious  to  the  colonists."  It  is  true  the  Con 
necticut  traders  were  fain  to  dabble  a  little  in  this  damnable 
traffic ;  but  then  they  always  dealt  in  what  were  termed  Yan 
kee  guns  ;  ingeniously  calculated  to  burst  in  the  pagan  hands 
which  used  them. 

The  rise  of  this  potent  confederacy  was  a  death-blow  to 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  261 

the  glory  of  William  the  Testy,  for  from  that  clay  forward 
he  never  held  up  his  head,  but  appeared  quite  crest-fallen.  It 
is  true,  as  the  grand  council  augmented  in  power,  and  the 
league,  rolling  onward,  gathered  about  the  red  hills  of  New 
Haven,  threatening  to  overwhelm  the  Nieuw  Nederlands,  he 
continued  occasionally  to  fulminate  proclamations  and  pro 
tests,  as  a  shrewd  sea-captain  fires  his  guns  into  a  water-spout ; 
but  alas !  they  had  no  more  effect  than  so  many  blank  car 
tridges. 

Thus  end  the  authenticated  chronicles  of  the  reign  of  Wil 
liam  the  Testy  ;  for  henceforth,  in  the  troubles,  perplexities, 
and  confusion  of  the  tjmes,  he  seems  to  have  been  totally 
overlooked,  and  to  have  slipped  for  ever  through  the  fingers 
of  scrupulous  history.  It  is  a  matter  of  deep  concern  that 
such  obscurity  should  hang  over  his  latter  days  ;  for  he  was 
in  truth  a  mighty  and  great  little  man,  and  worthy  of  being 
utterly  renowned,  seeing  that  he  was  the  first  potentate  that 
introduced  into  this  land  the  art  of  fighting  by  procla 
mation,  and  defending  a  country  by  trumpeters  and  wind 
mills. 

It  is  true,  that  certain  of  the  early  provincial  poets,  of 
whom  there  were  great  numbers  in  the  Nieuw  Nederlands, 
taking  advantage  of  his  mysterious  exit,  have  fabled,  that, 
like  Romulus,  he  was  translated  to  the  skies,  and  forms  a 
very  fiery  little  star,  somewhere  on  the  left  claw  of  the  crab  ; 
while  others,  equally  fanciful,  declare  that  he  had  experienced 
a  fate  similar  to  that  of  the  good  king  Arthur  ;  who,  we  are 
assured  by  ancient  bards,  was  carried  away  to  the  delicious 
abodes  of  fairy  land,  where  he  still  exists,  in  pristine  worth 
and  vigor,  and  will  one  day  or  another  return  to  restore  the 


HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

gallantry,  the  honor,  and  the  immaculate  probity,  -which  pre 
vailed  in  the  glorious  days  of  the  Round  Table.* 

All  these,  however,  arc  but  pleasing  fantasies,  the  cobweb 
visions  of  those  dreaming  varlets,  the  poets,  to  which  I  would 
not  have  my  judicious  readers  attach  any  credibility.  Neither 
am  I  disposed  to  credit  an  ancient  and  rather  apocryphal  his 
torian,  who  asserts  that  the  ingenious  Wilhelmus  was  annihi 
lated  by  the  blowing  down  of  one  of  his  wind- mills  ;  nor  a 
writer  of  later  times,  who  affirms  that  he  fell  a  victim  to  an 
experiment  in  natural  history,  having  the  misfortune  to  break 
his  neck  from  a  garret  window  of  the  stadthouse  in  attempt 
ing  to  catch  swallows  by  sprinkling  salt  upon  their  tails.  Still 
less  do  I  put  my  faith  in  the  tradition  that  he  perished  at  sea 
in  conveying  home  to  Holland  a  treasure  of  golden  ore,  dis 
covered  somewhere  among  the  haunted  regions  of  the  Catskill 
mountains.f 

*  The  old  Welsh  bards  believed  that  king  Arthur  was  not  dead,  but 
carried  awaie  by  the  fairies  into  some  pleasant  place,  where  he  sholdo 
rcmaine  for  a  time,  and  then  returne  againe  and  reigne  in  as  great  au 
thority  as  ever. — HOLLIKSIIKD. 

The  Britons  suppose  that  he  shall  come  yet  and  conquere  all  Bri- 
taigne,  for  ccrtes,  this  is  the  prophicye  of  Merlyn — He  say'd  that  his 
deth  shall  be  doubtcous  ;  and  said  soth,  for  men  thereof  yet  have  double 
and  shullen  for  ever  more — for  men  wyt  not  whether  that  he  lyvcth  or 
is  dcde. — DR.  LKKW.  CHROX. 

f  Diedrich  Knickerbocker,  in  his  scrupulous  search  after  truth,  is 
sometimes  too  fastidious  in  regard  to  facts  which  border  a  little  on  the 
marvellous.  The  story  of  the  golden  ore  rests  on  something  better  than 
mere  tradition.  The  venerable  Adrian  Van  dcr  Donck,  Doctor  of  Laws, 
in  his  description  of  the  Xew  Netherlands,  asserts  it  from  his  own  obser 
vation  as  an  eye-witness.  He  was  present,  he  says,  in  1645,  at  a  treaty 
between  Governor  Kieft  and  the  Mohawk  Indians,  in  which  one  of  the 
latter,  in  painting  himself  for  the  ceremony,  used  a  pigment,  the  weight 
and  shining  appearance  of  which  excited  the  curiosity  of  the  governor 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  263 

The  most  probable  account  declares,  that  what  with  the 
constant  troubles  on  his  frontiers,  the  incessant  schemings 
and  projects  going  on  in  his  own  pericranium,  the  memorials, 
petitions,  remonstrances,  and  sage  pieces  of  advice  of  respec 
table  meetings  of  the  sovereign  people,  and  the  refractory  dis 
position  of  his  councillors,  who  were  sure  to  differ  from  him 

and  Mynheer  Van  der  Donck.  They  obtained  a  lump  and  gave  it  to  be 
proved  by  a  skillful  doctor  of  medicine,  Johannes  de  la  Montagne,  one 
of  the  councillors  of  the  New  Netherlands.  It  was  put  into  a  crucible, 
and  yielded  two  pieces  of  gold  worth  about  three  guilders.  All  this, 
continues  Adrian  Yan  der  Donck,  was  kept  secret.  As  soon  as  peace 
was  made  with  the  Mohawks,  an  officer  and  a  few  men  were  sent  to  the 
mountain  (in  the  region  of  the  Kaatskill)  under  the  guidance  of  an  In 
dian,  to  search  for  the  precious  mineral.  They  brought  back  a  bucket 
full  of  ore  ;  which  being  submitted  to  the  crucible,  proved  as  productive 
as  the  first.  William  Kieft  now  thought  the  discovery  certain.  He 
sent  a  confidential  person,  Arent  Corsen,  with  a  bag  full  of  the  mineral, 
to  New  Haven,  to  take  passage  in  an  English  ship  for  England,  thence 
to  proceed  to  Holland.  The  vessel  sailed  at  Christmas,  but  never 
reached  her  port.  All  on  board  perished. 

In  the  year  1647,  Wilhelmus  Kieft  himself  embarked  on  board  the 
Princess,  taking  with  him  specimens  of  the  supposed  mineral.  The  ship 
was  never  heard  of  n\ore  ! 

Some  have  supposed  that  the  mineral  in  question  was  not  gold,  but 
pyrites;  but  we  have  the  assertion  of  Adrian  Van  der  Donck,  an  eye 
witness,  and  the  experiment  of  Johannes  de  la  Montagne,  a  learned 
doctor  of  medicine,  on  the  golden  side  of  the  question.  Cornelius  Van 
Tienhooven,  also,  at  that  time  secretary  of  the  New  Netherlands,  declared 
in  Holland  that  he  had  tested  several  specimens  of  the  mineral,  which 
proved  satisfactory.* 

It  would  appear,  however,  that  these  golden  treasures  of  the  Kaats 
kill  always  brought  ill  luck  ;  as  is  evidenced  in  the  fate  of  Arent  Corsen 
and  Wilhelmus  Kieft,  and  the  wreck  of  the  ships  in  which  they  attempted 
to  convey  the  treasure  across  the  ocean.  The  golden  mines  have  never 
since  been  explored,  but  remain  among  the  mysteries  of  the  Kaatskill 
mountains,  and  under  the  protection  of  the  goblins  which  haunt  them. 

*  Sec  Van  dor  Donck's  Description  of  tho  New  Netherlands.  Collect.  Now 
York  Hist.  Society,  Vol.  I.,  p.  161. 


264:  HI8TOKY    OK    NEW    YOKK. 

on  every  point,  and  uniformly  to  be  in  the  wrong- — his  mind 
was  kept  in  a  furnace  heat,  until  he  became  as  completely 
burnt  out  as  a  Dutch  family  pipe  which  has  passed  through 
three  generations  of  hard  smokers.  In  this  manner  did  he 
undergo  a  kind  of  animal  combustion,  consuming  away  like  a 
fiirthing  rush-light :  so  that  when  grim  death  finally  snuffed 
him  out,  there  was  scarce  left  enough  of  him  to  bury ! 


BOOK  V. 

CONTAINING  THE  FIRST  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER  STUY- 
VESANT,  AND  HIS  TROUBLES  WITH  THE  AMPHICTYONIC 
COUNCIL. 


CHAPTER  I. 

IN    WHICH    THE    DEATH    OF    A    GREAT    MAN     IS     SHOWN     TO    BE    NO    VERY    IN 
CONSOLABLE      MATTER      OF     SORROW AND      HOW     PETER      STUYYESANT 

ACQUIRED    A    GREAT     NAME     FROM     THE     UNCOMMON     STRENGTH     OF     HIS 
HEAD. 

TO  a  profound  philosopher  like  myself,  who  am  apt  to  see  f 
clear  through  a  subject,  where  the  penetration  of  ordinary 
people  extends  but  half  way,  there  is  no  fact  more  simple  and 
manifest  than  that  the  death  of  a  great  man' is  a  matter  of  very 
little  importance.  Much  as  we  may  think  of  ourselves,  and 
much  as  we  may  excite  the  empty  plaudits  of  the  million,  it 
is  certain  that  the  greatest  among  us  do  actually  fill  but  an 
exceeding  small  space  in  the  world  ;  and  it  is  equally  certain, 
that  even  that  small  space  is  quickly  supplied  when  we  leave 
it  vacant.  "  Of  what  consequence  is  it,"  said  Pliny,  "  that 
individuals  appear,  or  make  their  exit  1  the  world  is  a  theatre 
whose  scenes  and  actors  are  continually  changing."  Never 
did  philosopher  speak  more  correctly,  and  I  only  wonder  that 
so  wise  a  remark  could  have  existed  so  many  ages,  and  man 
kind  not  have  laid  it  more  to  heart.  Sage  follows  on  in  tho 
12 


266  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

footsteps  of  sage ;  one  hero  just  steps  out  of  his  triumphal 
car,  to  make  way  for  the  hero  who  comes  after  him  ;  and  of 
the  proudest  monarch,  it  is  merely  said  that  "  he  slept  with 
his  fathers,  and  his  successor  reigned  in  his  stead." 

The  world,  to  tell  the  private  truth,  cares  but  little  for 
their  loss,  and  if  left  to  itself  would  soon  forget  to  grieve  ;  and 
though  a  nation  has  often  been  figuratively  drowned  in  tears 
on  the  death  of  a  great  man,  yet  it  is  ten  to  one  if  an  individual 
tear  has  been  shed  on  the  occasion,  excepting  from  the  forlorn 
pen  of  some  hungry  author.  It  is  the  historian,  the  biogra 
pher,  and  the  poet,  who  have  the  whole  burden  of  grief  to  sus 
tain  ;  who — kind  souls  ! — like  undertakers  in  England,  act  the 
part  of  chief  mourners — who  inflate  a  nation  witli  sighs  it 
never  heaved,  and  deluge  it  with  tears  it  never  dreamt  of 
shedding.  Thus,  while  the  patriotic  author  is  weeping  and 
howling,  in  prose,  in  blank  verse,  and  in  rhyme,  and  collect 
ing  the  drops  of  public  sorrow  into  his  volume,  as  into  a  lach 
rymal  vase,  it  is  more  than  probable  his  fellow  citizens  are 
eating  and  drinking,  fiddling  and  dancing,  as  utterly  ignorant 
of  the  bitter  lamentations  made  in  their  name,  as  are  those 
men  of  straw,  John  Doe  and  Richard  Roe,  of  the  plaintiffs  for 
whom  they  are  generously  pleased  to  become  sureties. 

The  most  glorious  hero  that  ever  desolated  nations  might 
have  mouldered  into  oblivion  among  the  rubbish  of  his  own 
monument,  did  not  some  historian  take  him  into  favor,  and 
benevolently  transmit  his  name  to  posterity — and  much  as  the 
valiant  William  Kieft  worried,  and  bustled,  and  turmoiled, 
while  he  had  the  destinies  of  a  whole  colony  in  his  hand,  I 
question  seriously  whether  lie  will  not  be  obliged  to  this  au 
thentic  history  for  all  his  future  celebrity. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK.  L'6'7 

His  exit  occasioned  no  convulsion  in  the  city  of  New  Am 
sterdam  nor  its  vicinity  :  the  earth  trembled  not,  neither  did 
any  stars  shoot  from  their  spheres — the  heavens  were  not 
shrouded  in  "black,  as  poets  would  fain  persuade  us  they  have 
been,  on  the  death  of  a  hero — the  rocks  (hard-hearted  var- 
lets  !)  melted  not  into  tears,  nor  did  the  trees  hang  their  heads 
in  silent  sorrow ;  and  as  to  the  sun,  he  lay  a-bed  the  next 
night  just  as  long,  and  showed  as  jolly  a  face  when  he  rose,  as 
he  ever  did  on  the  same  day  of  the  month  in  any  year,  either 
before  or  since.  The  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  one 
and  all,  declared  that  he  had  been  a  very  busy,  active,  bustling 
little  governor  ;  that  he  was  "  the  father  of  his  country  " — 
that  he  was  "  the  noblest  work  of  God  " — that  "  he  was  a  man, 
take  him  for  all  in  all,  they  ne'er  should  look  upon  his  like 
again " — together  with  sundry  other  civil  and  affectionate 
speeches  regularly  said  on  the  death  of  all  great  men ;  after 
which  they  smoked  their  pipes,  thought  no  more  about  him, 
and  Peter  Stuyvesant  succeeded  to  his  station. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  was  the  last,  and,  like  the  renowned 
Wouter  Van  Twiller,  the  best  of  our  ancient  Dutch  governors. 
Wouter  having  surpassed  all  who  preceded  him,  and  Peter  or 
Piet,  as  he  was  sociably  called  by  the  old  Dutch  burghers, 
who  were  ever  prone  to  familiarize  names,  having  never  been 
equalled  by  any  successor.  lie  was  in  fact  the  very  man 
fitted  by  nature  to  retrieve  the  desperate  fortunes  of  her  be 
loved  province,  had  not  the  fates,  those  most  potent  and  unre 
lenting  of  all  ancient  spinsters,  destined  them  to  inextricable 
confusion. 

To  say  merely  that  he  was  a  hero  would  be  doing  him 
great  injustice — he  was  in  truth  a  combination  of  heroes — for 


268  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOJRK. 

he  was  of  a  sturdy,  raw-boned  make  like  Ajax  Telamon,  with 
a  pair  of  round  shoulders  that  Hercules  would  have  given  his 
hide  for  (meaning  his  lion's  hide,)  when  he  undertook  to  ease 
old  Atlas  of  his  load.  He  was,  moreover,  as  Plutarch  de 
scribes  Coriolanus,  not  only  terrible  for  the  force  of  his  arm, 
but  likewise  of  his  voice,  which  sounded  as  though  it  carne  out 
of  a  barrel ;  and,  like  the  self-same  warrior,  he  possessed  a 
sovereign  contempt  for  the  sovereign  people,  and  an  iron  as 
pect,  which  was  enough  of  itself  to  make  the  very  bowels  of 
his  adversaries  quake  with  terror  and  dismay.  All  this  mar 
tial  excellency  of  appearance  was  inexpressibly  heightened  by 
an  accidental  advantage,  with  which  I  am  surprised  that  nei 
ther  Homer  nor  Virgil  have  graced  any  of  their  heroes.  This 
was  nothing  less  than  a  wooden  leg,  which  was  the  only  prize 
he  had  gained  in  bravely  fighting  the  battles  of.  his  country, 
but  of  which  he  was  so  proud,  that  he  was  often  heard  to  de 
clare  he  valued  it  more  than  all  his  other  limbs  put  together ; 
indeed  so  highly  did  he  esteem  it,  that  he  had  it  gallantly  en 
chased  and  relieved  with  silver  devices,  which  caused  it  to  be 
related  in  divers  histories  and  legends  that  he  wore  a  silver 
leg* 

Like  that  choleric  warrior  Achilles,  he  was  somewhat  sub 
ject  to  extempore  bursts  of  passion,  which  were  rather  un 
pleasant  to  his  favorites  and  attendants,  whose  perceptions  he 
was  apt  to  quicken,  after  the  manner  of  his  illustrious  imita 
tor,  Peter  the  Great,  by  anointing  their  shoulders  with  his 
walking-staff. 

Though  I  cannot  find  that  he  had  read  Plato,  or  Aristotle, 
or  Hobbes,  or  Bacon,  or  Algernon  Sydney,  or  Tom  Paine,  yet 

*  Sec  the  histories  of  Masters  Josselvn  and  Blome. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

did  he  sometimes  manifest  a  shrewdness  and  sagacity  in  his 
measures,  that  one  would  hardly  expect  from  a  man  who  did 
not  know  Greek,  and  had  never  studied  the  ancients.  True  it 
is,  and  I  confess  it  with  sorrow,  that  he  had  an  unreasonable 
aversion  to  experiments,  and  was  fond  of  governing  his  prov 
ince  after  the  simplest  manner  :  but  then  he  contrived  to  keep 
it  in  better  order  than  did  the  erudite  Kieft,  though  he  had  all 
the  philosophers,  ancient  and  modern,  to  assist  and  perplex 
him.  I  must  likewise  own  that  he  made  but  very  few  laws ;  but 
then  again  he  took  care  that  those  few  were  rigidly  and  impar 
tially  enforced  :  and  I  do  not  know  but  justice  on  the  whole 
was  as  well  administered  as  if  there  had  been  volumes  of  sage 
acts  and  statutes  yearly  made,  and  daily  neglected  and  forgot 
ten. 

He  was,  in  fact,  the  very  reverse  of  his  predecessors,  being 
neither  tranquil  and  inert,  like  Walter  the  Doubter,  nor  rest 
less  and  fidgeting,  like  William  the  Testy ;  but  a  man,  or 
rather  a  governor  of  such  uncommon  activity  and  decision  of 
mind,  that  he  never  sought  nor  accepted  the  advice  of  others  ; 
depending-  bravely  upon  his  single  head  as  would  a  hero  of 
yore  upon  his  single  arm,  to  carry  him  through  all  difficulties 
and  dangers.  To  tell  the  simple  truth,  he  wanted  nothing 
more  to  complete  him  as  a  statesman  than  to  think  always 
right;  for  no  one  can  say  but  that  he  always  acted  as  he 
thought.  He  was  never  a  man  to  flinch  when  he  found  him 
self  in  a  scrape  ;  but  to  dash  forward  through  thick  and  thin, 
trusting,  by  hook  or  by  crook,  to  make  all  things  straight  in 
the  end.  In  a  word,  he  possessed,  in  an  eminent  degree,  that 
great  quality  in  a  statesman,  called  perseverance  by  the  polite, 
but  nicknamed  obstinacy  by  the  vulgar.  A  wonderful  salve 


ZiO  HIBTUKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

for  official  blunders;  since  he  who  perseveres  in  error  with 
out  flinching,  gets  the  credit  of  boldness  and  consistency,  while 
he  who  wavers  in  seeking  to  do  what  is  right  gets  stigmatized 
as  a  trimmer.  This  much  is  certain;  and  it  is  a  maxim  well 
worthy  the  attention  of  all  legislators,  great  and  small,  who 
stand  shaking  in  the  wind,  irresolute  which  way  to  steer,  that 
a  ruler  who  follows  his  own  will  pleases  himself;  while  he  who 
seeks  to  satisfy  the  wishes  and  whims  of  others  runs  great  risk 
of  pleasing  nobody.  There  is  nothing  too  like  putting  down  one's 
foot  resolutely,  when  in  doubt,  and  letting  things  take  their 
course.  The  clock  that  stands  still  points  right  twice  in  the 
four-and-twenty  hours  :  while  others  may  keep  going  contin 
ually  and  be  continually  going  wrong. 

Nor  did  this  magnanimous  quality  escape  the  discernment 
of  the  good  people  of  Nieuw  Nederlands  ;  on  the  contrary,  so 
much  were  they  struck  with  the  independent  M'ill  and  vigor 
ous  resolution  displayed  on  all  occasions  by  their  new  gov 
ernor,  that  they  universally  called  him  Hard-Koppig  Piet ; 
or  Peter  the  Headstrong — a  great  compliment  to  the  strength 
of  his  understanding. 

If,  from  all  that  I  have  said,  thou  dost  not  gather,  worthy 
reader,  that  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  a  tough,  sturdy,  valiant, 
weather-beaten,  mettlesome,  obstinate,  leathern-sided,  lion- 
hearted,  generous-spirited  old  governor,  either  I  have  written 
to  but  little  purpose,  or  thou  art  very  dull  at  drawing  conclu 
sions. 

This  most  excellent  governor  commenced  his  administra 
tion  on  the  29th  of  May,  1647  ;  a  remarkably  stormy  day, 
distinguished  in  all  the  almanacks  of  the  time  which  have 
come  down  to  us  by  the  name  of  Windy  Friday.  As  he  was 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  271 

very  jealous  of  his  personal  and  official  dignity,  he  was  inau 
gurated  into  office  with  great  ceremony ;  the  goodly  oaken 
chair  of  the  renowned  "VVouter  Van  Twiller  being  carefully 
preserved  for  such  occasions,  in  like  manner  as  the  chair  and 
stone  were  reverentially  preserved  at  Schone,  in  Scotland,  for 
the  coronation  of  the  Caledonian  monarchs. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention  that  the  tempestuous  state  of 
the  elements,  together  with  its  being  that  unlucky  day  of  the 
week  termed  "  hanging  day,"  did  not  fail  to  excite  much  grave 
speculation  and  divers  very  reasonable  apprehensions  among 
the  more  ancient  and  enlightened  inhabitants ;  and  several  of 
the  sager  sex,  who  were  reputed  to  be  not  a  little  skilled  in 
the  mystery  of  astrology  and  fortune-telling,  did  declare  out 
right  that  they  were  omens  of  a  disastrous  administration — an 
event  that  came  to  be  lamentably  verified,  and  which  proves, 
beyond  dispute,  the  wisdom  of  attending  to  those  preternat 
ural  intimations  furnished  by  dreams  and  visions,  the  flying 
of  birds,  falling  of  stones,  and  cackling  of  geese,  on  which  the 
sages  and  rulers  of  ancient  times  placed  such  reliance — or  to 
those  shooting  of  stars,  eclipses  of  the  moon,  howlings  of 
dogs,  and  flarings  of  candles,  carefully  noted  and  interpreted 
by  the  oracular  sibyls  of  our  day  ;  who,  in  my  humble  opin 
ion,  are  the  legitimate  inheritors  and  preservers  of  the  ancient 
science  of  divination.  This  much  is  certain,  that  Governor 
Stuyvesant  succeeded  to  the  chair  of  state  at  a  turbulent 
period ;  when  foes  thronged  and  threatened  from  without ; 
when  anarchy  and  stiff-necked  opposition  reigned  rampant 
within ;  when  the  authority  of  their  High  Mightinesses  the 
Lords  States  General,  though  supported  by  economy  and 


272  IlISTOliY    OF    ISEW    YOJRK. 

defended  by  speeches,  protests  and  proclamations,  yet  tottered 
to  its  very  centre ;  and  when  the  great  city  of  New  Amster 
dam,  though  fortified  by  flag-staffs,  trumpeters,  and  wind-mills, 
seemed,  like  some  fair  lady  of  easy  virtue,  to  lie  open  to 
attack,  and  ready  to  yield  to  the  first  invader. 


CHAPTER  II. 


SHOWING  HOW  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  BESTIRRED  HIMSELF  AMONG  THE 
RATS  AND  COBWEBS  ON  ENTERING  INTO  OFFICE  -  HIS  INTERVIEW  WITH 
ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER,  AND  HIS  PERILOUS  MEDDLING  WITH  THE 
CURRENCY. 


very  first  movements  of  the  great  Peter,  on  taking 
the  reins  of  government,  displayed  his  magnanimity, 
though  they  occasioned  not  a  little  marvel  and  uneasiness 
among  the  people  of  the  Manhattoes.  Finding  himself  con 
stantly  interrupted  by  the  opposition,  and  annoyed  by  the 
advice  of  his  privy  council,  the  members  of  which  had  ac 
quired  the  unreasonable  habit  of  thinking  and  speaking  for 
themselves  during  the  preceding  reign,  he  determined  at  once 
to  put  a  stop  to  such  grievous  abominations.  Scarcely,  there 
fore,  had  he  entered  upon  his  authority,  than  he  turned  out  of 
office  all  the  meddlesome  spirits  of  the  factious  cabinet  of  Wil 
liam  the  Testy  ;  in  place  of  whom  he  chose  unto  himself  coun 
sellors  from  those  fat,  somniferous,  respectable  burghers  who 
had  flourished  and  slumbered,  under  the  easy  reign  of  Walter 
the  Doubter.  All  these  he  caused  to  be  furnished  with  abun 
dance  of  fair  long  pipes,  and  to  be  regaled  with  frequent  cor 
poration  dinners,  admonishing  them  to  smoke,  and  eat,  and 
sleep,  for  the  good  of  the  nation,  while  he  took  the  burden  of 
12* 


271  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOEK. 

government   upon   his   own   shoulders — an   arrangement    to 
which  they  all  gave  hearty  acquiescence. 

Nor  did  he  stop  here,  but  made  a  hideous  rout  among  the 
inventions  and  expedients  of  his  learned  predecessor — rooting 
up  his  patent  gallows,  where  caitiff  vagabonds  were  suspended 
by  the  waistband — demolishing  his  flag-staffs  and  wind-mills, 
which,  like  mighty  giants,  guarded  the  ramparts  of  New  Am 
sterdam — pitching  to  the  duyvel  whole  batteries  of  quaker 
guns — and,  in  a  word,  turning  topsy-turvy  the  whole  philo 
sophic,  economic,  and  wind-mill  system  of  the  immortal  sage 
of  Saardam. 

The  honest  folk  of  New  Amsterdam  began  to  quake  now 
for  the  fate  of  their  matchless  champion,  Antony  the  Trum 
peter,  who  had  acquired  prodigious  favor  in  the  eyes  of  the 
women,  by  means  of  his  whiskers  and  his  trumpet.  Him  did 
Peter  the  Headstrong  cause  to  be  brought  into  his  presence, 
and  eying  him  for  a  moment  from  head  to  foot,  with  a  coun 
tenance  that  would  have  appalled  any  thing  else  than  a 
sounder  of  brass — "  Pr'ythee,  who  and  what  art  thou  ?  "  said 
he.  "  Sire,"  replied  the  other,  in  no  wise  dismayed,  "  for  my 
name,  it  is  Antony  Van  Corlear — for  my  parentage,  I  am  the 
son  of  my  mother — for  my  profession,  I  am  champion  and 
garrison  of  this  great  city  of  New  Amsterdam.*'  "  I  doubt 
me  much,"  said  Peter  Stuyvesant,  "  that  thou  art  some  scurvy 
costard-monger  knave : — how  didst  thou  acquire  this  para 
mount  honor  and  dignity  ?  "  "  Marry,  sir,"  replied  the  other, 
"  like  many  a  great  man  before  me,  simply  by  sounding  my 
own  trumpet"  "  Ay,  is  it  so  1 "  quoth  the  governor  ;  "  why 
then  let  us  have  a  relish  of  thy  art."  Whereupon  the  good 
Antony  put  his  instrument  to  his  lips,  and  sounded  a  charge 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  275 

with  such  a  tremendous  outset,  such  a  delectable  quaver,  and 
such  a  triumphant  cadence,  that  it  was  enough  to  make  one's 
heart  leap  out  of  one's  mouth  only  to  be  within  a  mile  of  it. 
Like  as  a  war-worn  charger,  grazing  in  peaceful  plains,  starts 
at  a  strain  of  martial  music,  pricks  up  his  ears,  and  snorts,  and 
paws,  and  kindles  at  the  noise,  so  did  the  heroic  Peter  joy  to 
hear  the  clangor  of  the  trumpet ;  for  of  him  might  truly  be 
said,  what  was  recorded  of  the  renowned  St.  George  of  Eng 
land,  "  there  was  nothing  in  all  the  world  that  more  rejoiced 
his  heart  than  to  hear  the  pleasant  sound  of  war,  and  see  the 
soldiers  brandish  forth  their  steeled  weapons."  Casting  his 
eye  more  kindly,  therefore,  upon  the  sturdy  Van  Corlear,  and 
finding  him  to  be  a  jovial  varlet,  shrewd  in  his  discourse,  yet 
of  great  discretion  and  immeasurable  wind,  he  straightway 
conceived  a  vast  kindness  for  him,  and  discharging  him  from 
the  troublesome  duty  of  garrisoning,  defending,  and  alarming 
the  city,  ever  after  retained  him  about  his  person,  as  his  chief 
favorite,  confidential  envoy,  and  trusty  squire.  Instead  of  dis 
turbing  the  city  with  disastrous  notes,  he  was  instructed  to 
play  so  as  to  delight  the  governor  while  at  his  repasts,  as  did 
the  minstrels  of  yore  in  the  days  of  glorious  chivalry — and  on 
all  public  occasions  to  rejoice  the  ears  of  the  people  with  war 
like  melody — thereby  keeping  alive  a  noble  and  martial 
spirit. 

But  the  measure  of  the  valiant  Peter  which  produced  the 
greatest  agitation  in  the  community,  was  his  laying  his  hand 
upon  the  currency.  lie  had  old-fashioned  notions  in  favor  of 
gold  and  silver,  which  he  considered  the  true  standards  of 
wealth  and  mediums  of  commerce,  and  one  of  his  first  edicts 
was,  that  all  duties  to  government  should  be  paid  in  those 


276  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

/  precious  metals,  and  that  seawant,  or  wampum,  should  no 
longer  be  a  legal  tender. 

Here  was  a  blow  at  public  prosperity  !  All  those  who 
speculated  on  the  rise  and  fall  of  this  fluctuating  currency, 
found  their  calling  at  an  end :  those,  too,  who  had  hoarded 
Indian  money  by  barrels  full,  found  their  capital  shrunk  in 
amount ;  but,  above  all,  the  Yankee  traders,  who  were  accus 
tomed  to  flood  the  market  with  newly-coined  oyster  shells, 
and  to  abstract  Dutch  merchandise  in  exchange,  were  loud 
mouthed  in  decrying  this  "  tampering  with  the  currency."  It 
was  clipping  the  wings  of  commerce ;  it  was  checking  the 
development  of  public  prosperity  ;  trade  would  be  at  an  end  ; 
goods  would  moulder  on  the  shelves  ;  grain  would  rot  in  the 
granaries  ;  grass  would  grow  in  the  market-place.  In  a  word, 
no  one  who  has  not  heard  the  outcries  and  bowlings  of  a  mod 
ern  Tarshish,  at  any  check  upon  "  paper  money,"  can  have 
any  idea  of  the  clamor  against  Peter  the  Headstrong,  for 
checking  the  circulation  of  oyster-shells. 

In  fact,  trade  did  shrink  into  narrower  channels  ;  but  then 
the  stream  was  deep  as  it  was  broad  ;  the  honest  Dutchmen  sold 
less  goods  ;  but  then  they  got  the  worth  of  them,  either  in  sil 
ver  and  gold,  or  in  codfish,  tinware,  apple-brandy,  Weathersfield 
onions,  wooden  bowls,  and  other  articles  of  Yankee  barter. 
The  ingenious  people  of  the  east,  however,  indemnified  them 
selves  another  way  for  having  to  abandon  the  coinage  of 
oyster  shells,  for  about  this  time  we  are  told  that  wooden  nut 
megs  made  their  first  appearance  in  New  Amsterdam,  to  the 
great  annoyance  of  the  Dutch  housewives. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  27 7 


NOTE. 

From  a  manuscript  record  of  the  province  ;  Lib.  N.  Y.  Hist.  Society. — 
\\ro  have  been  unable  to  render  your  inhabitants  wiser  and  prevent  their 
being  further  imposed  upon  than  to  declare  absolutely  and  peremptorily 
that  henceforward  seawant  shall  be  bullion — not  longer  admissible  in 
trade,  without  any  value,  as  it  is  indeed.  So  that  every  one  may  be 
upon  his  guard  to  barter  no  longer  away  his  wares  and  merchandises  for 
these  bubbles — at  least  not  to  accept  them  at  a  higher  rate  or  in  a  larger 
quantity  than  as  they  may  want  them  in  their  trade  with  the  savages. 

In  this  way  your  English  [Yankee]  neighbors  shall  no  longer  be 
enabled  to  draw  the  best  wares  and  merchandises  from  our  country  for 
nothing — the  beavers  and  furs  not  excepted.  This  has  indeed  long  since 
been  insufferable,  although  it  ought  chiefly  to  be  imputed  to  the  impru 
dent  penuriousness  of  our  own  merchants  and  inhabitants,  who,  it  is  to 
be  hoped,  shall  through  the  abolition  of  this  seawant  become  wiser  and 
more  prudent. 

Nth  January,  1662. 

Seawant  falls  into  disrepute — duties  to  be  paid  in  silver  coin. 


CIIAPTEK  III. 

HOW    THE    YANKEE    LEAGUE    WAXED     MORE    AND    MORE     POTENT;     AND    HOW 
IT    OUTWITTED    THE    GOOD    PETER    IN    TREATY-MAKING. 

NOW  it  came  to  pass,  that  while  Peter  Stuyvesant  was 
busy  regulating  the  internal  affairs  of  his  domain,  the 
great  Yankee  league,  which  had  caused  such  tribulation  to 
William  the  Testy,  continued  to  increase  in  extent  and  power. 
The  grand  Amphictyonic  council  of  the  league  was  held  at 
Boston,  where  it  spun  a  web,  which  threatened  to  link  within 
it  all  the  mighty  principalities  and  powers  of  the  east.  The 
object  proposed  by  this  formidable  combination  was  mutual 
protection  and  defence  against  their  savage  neighbors ;  but 
all  the  world  knows  the  real  aim  was  to  form  a  grand  crusade 
against  the  Nieuw  Nederlands  and  to  get  possession  of  the 
city  of  the  Manhattoes — as  devout  an  object  of  enterprise  and 
ambition  to  the  Yankees  as  was  ever  the  capture  of  Jerusalem 
to  ancient  crusaders. 

In  the  very  year  following  the  inauguration  of  Governor 
Stuyvesant,  a  grand  deputation  departed  from  the  city  of 
Providence  (famous  for  its  dusty  streets  and  beauteous  women) 
in  behalf  of  the  plantation  of  Rhode  Island,  praying  to  be 
admitted  into  the  league. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  279 

The  following  minute  of  this  deputation  appears  in  the 
ancient  records  of  the  council.* 

"  Mr.  Will.  Cottington  and  Captain  Partridg  of  Rhoode 
Island  presented  this  insewing  request  to  the  commissioners 
in  wrighting — 

"  Our  request  and  motion  is  in  bchalfe  of  Rhoode  Hand, 
that  wee  the  Ilanders  of  Roode-Iland  may  be  rescauied  into 
combination  with  all  the  united  colonyes  of  New  England  in 
a  firme  and  perpetual  league  of  friendship  and  amity  of  ofence 
and  defence,  mutuall  advice  and  succor  upon  all  just  occasions 
for  our  mutuall  safety  and  wellfaire,  etc. 

"  WILL  COTTINGTON, 

"  ALICXSANDER  PARTRIDG." 

There  was  certainly  something  in  the  very  physiognomy 
of  this  document  that  might  well  inspire  apprehension.  The 
name  of  Alexander,  however  misspelt,  has  been  warlike  in 
every  age,  and  though  its  fierceness  is  in  some  measure  softened 
by  being  coupled  with  the  gentle  cognomen  of  Partridge,  still, 
like  the  color  of  scarlet,  it  bears  an  exceeding  great  resem 
blance-  to  the  sound  of  a  trumpet.  From  the  style  of  the 
letter,  moreover,  and  the  soldierlike  ignorance  of  orthography 
displayed  by  the  noble  captain  Alicxsander  Partridg  in  spelling 
his  own  name,  we  may  picture  to  ourselves  this  mighty  man 
of  Rhodes,  strong  in  arms,  potent  in  the  field,  and  as  great  a 
scholar  as  though  he  had  been  educated  among  that  learned 
people  of  Thrace,  wrho,  Aristotle  assures  us,  could  not  count 
beyond  the  number  four. 

The  result  of  this  great  Yankee  league  was  augmented 

*  Haz.  Col.  Stat.  Pap. 


280  HISTOIiY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

audacity  on  the  part  of  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecticut — 
pushing  their  encroachments  farther  and  farther  into  the  terri 
tories  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  so  that  even  the  inhabitants 
of  New  Amsterdam  began  to  draw  short  breath  and  to  find 
themselves  exceedingly  cramped  for  elbow-room. 

Peter  Stuy  vesant  was  not  a  man  to  submit  quietly  to  such 
intrusions;  his  first  impulse  was  to  march  at  once  to  the  fron 
tier  and  kick  these  squatting  Yankees  out  of  the  country ;  but, 
bethinking  himself  in  time  that  he  was  now  a  governor  and 
legislator,  the  policy  of  the  statesman  for  once  cooled  the  fire 
of  the  old  soldier,  and  he  determined  to  try  his  hand  at  nego 
tiation.  A  correspondence  accordingly  ensued  between  him 
and  the  grand  council  of  the  league,  and  it  was  agreed  that 
commissioners  from  either  side  should  meet  at  Hartford,  to 
settle  boundaries,  adjust  grievances,  and  establish  a  "  perpe 
tual  and  happy  peace."" 

The  commissioners  on  the  part  of  the  Manhattoes  were 
chosen,  according  to  immemorial  usage  of  that  venerable 
metropolis,  from  among  the  "  wisest  and  weightiest  "  men  of 
the  community  ;  that  is  to  say,  men  with  the  oldest  heads 
and  heaviest  pockets.  Among  these  sages  the  veteran  naviga 
tor,  Hans  Ecinier  Oothout,  who  had  made  such  extensive  dis 
coveries  during  the  time  of  Oloffe  the  Dreamer,  was  looked 
up  to  as  an  oracle  in  all  matters  of  the  kind  ;  and  he  was 
ready  to  produce  the  very  spy-glass  with  which  he  first  spied 
the  mouth  of  the  Connecticut  River  from  his  mast-head,  and 
all  the  world  knows  the  discovery  of  the  mouth  of  a  river 
gives  prior  right  to  all  the  lands  drained  by  its  waters. 

It  was  with  feelings  of  pride  and  exultation  that  the  good 
people  of  the  Manhattoes  saw  two  of  the  richest  and  most 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  281 

ponderous  burghers  departing  on  this  embassy  ;  men  whose 
•word  on  'change  was  oracular,  and  in  whose  presence  no  poor 
man  ventured  to  appear  without  taking  off  his  hat :  when  it 
was  seen,  too,  that  the  veteran  Reinier  Oothout  accompanied 
them  with  his  spy-glass  under  his  arm,  all  the  old  men  and  old 
women  predicted  that  men  of  such  weight,  with  such  evidence, 
would  leave  the  Yankees  no  alternative  but  to  pack  up  their 
tin  kettles  and  wooden  wares  ;  put  wife  and  children  in  a  cart, 
and  abandon  all  the  lands  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  on 
which  they  had  squatted. 

In  truth,  the  commissioners  sent  to  Hartford  by  the  league, 
seemed  in  no  wise  calculated  to  compete  with  men  of  such 
capacity.  They  were  two  lean  Yankee  lawyers,  litigious-look 
ing  varlets,  and  evidently  men  of  no  substance,  since  they  had 
no  rotundity  in  the  belt,  and  there  was  no  jingling  of  money 
in  their  pockets ;  it  is  true,  they  had  longer  heads  than  the 
Dutchmen  ;  but  if  the  heads  of  the  latter  were  flat  at  top,  they 
were  broad  at  bottom,  and  what  was  wanting  in  height  of 
forehead  was  made  up  by  a  double-chin. 

The  negotiation  turned  as  usual  upon  the  good  old  corner 
stone  of  original  discovery  ;  according  to  the  principle  that 
he  who  first  sees  a  new  country,  has  an  unquestionable  right 
to  it.  This  being  admitted,  the  veteran  Oothout,  at  a  con 
certed  signal,  stepped  forth  in  the  assembly  with  the  identical 
tarpauling  spy-glass  in  his  hand,  with  which  he  had  discov 
ered  the  mouth  of  the  Connecticut,  while  the  worthy  Dutch 
commissioners  lolled  back  in  their  chairs,  secretly  chuckling 
at  the  idea  of  having  for  once  got  the  weather-gage  of  the 
Yankees ;  but  what  was  their  dismay  when  the  latter  pro 
duced  a  Nantucket  whaler  with  a  spy-glass,  twice  as  long. 


282  IIISTOKY  OF  NEW  YOKK. 

with  which  he  discovered  the  whole  coast,  quite  down  to  the 
Manhattoes  ;  and  so  crooked  that  he  had  spied  with  it  up  the 
whole  course  of  the  Connecticut  River.  This  principle  push 
ed  home,  therefore,  the  Yankees  had  a  right  to  the  whole 
country  bordering  on  the  Sound ;  nay,  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam  was  a  mere  Dutch  squatting-place  on  their  terri 
tories. 

I  forbear  to  dwell  upon  the  confusion  of  the  worthy  Dutch 
commissioners  at  finding  their  main  pillar  of  proof  thus 
knocked  from  under  them  ;  neither  will  I  pretend  to  describe 
the  consternation  of  the  wise  men  at  the  Manhattoes  when 
they  learned  how  their  commissioner  had  been  out-trumped 
by  the  Yankees,  and  how  the  latter  pretended  to  claim  to  the 
very  gates  of  New  Amsterdam. 

Long  was  the  negotiation  protracted,  and  long  was  the  pub 
lic  mind  kept  in  a  state  of  anxiety.  There  arc  two  modes 
of  settling  boundary  questions  when  the  claims  of  the  oppo 
site  are  irreconcilable.  One  is  by  an  appeal  to  arms,  in  which 
case  the  weakest  party  is  apt  to  lose  its  right,  and  get  a 
broken  head  into  the  bargain ;  the  other  mode  is  by  com 
promise,  or  mutual  concession ;  that  is  to  say,  one  party 
cedes  half  of  its  claims,  and  the  other  party  half  of  its  rights ; 
he  who  grasps  most  gets  most,  and  the  whole  is  pronounced 
an  equitable  division,  "  perfectly  honorable  to  both  parties." 

The  latter  mode  was  adopted  in  the  present  instance.  The 
Yankees  gave  up  claims  to  vast  tracts  of  the  Nieuw  Neder- 
lands  which  they  had  never  seen,  and  all  right  to  the  land  of 
Manna-hata  and  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  to  which  they 
had  no  right  at  all ;  while  the  Dutch,  in  return,  agreed  that 
the  Yankees  should  retain  possession  of  the  frontier  places 


11ISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  283 

where  they  had  squatted,  and  of  both  sides  of  the  Connecti 
cut  river. 

When  the  news  of  this  treaty  arrived  at  New  Amsterdam, 
the  whole  city  was  in  an  uproar  of  exultation.  The  old 
women  rejoiced  that  there  was  to  be  no  war,  the  old  men  that 
their  cabbage-gardens  were  safe  from  invasion ;  while  the 
political  sages  pronounced  the  treaty  a  great  triumph  over 
the  Yankees,  considering  how  much  they  had  claimed,  and 
how  little  they  had  been  "  fobbed  off  with." 

And  now  my  worthy  reader  is,  doubtless,  like  the  great 
and  good  Peter,  congratulating  himself  with  the  idea,  that  his 
feelings  will  no  longer  be  harassed  by  afflicting  details  of  stolen 
horses,  broken  heads,  impounded  hogs,  and  all  the  other  cata 
logue  of  heart-rending  cruelties  that  disgraced  these  border 
wars.  But  if  he  should  indulge  in  such  expectations,  it  is  a 
proof  that  he  is  but  little  versed  in  the  paradoxical  ways  of 
cabinets  ;  to  convince  him  of  which,  I  solicit  his  serious  atten 
tion  to  my  next  chapter,  wherein  I  will  show  that  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  has  already  committed  a  great  error  in  politics ;  and 
by  effecting  a  peace,  has  materially  hazarded  the  tranquillity  of 
the  province. 


CHAPTER  IY. 

CONTAINING    DIVERS    SPECULATIONS    ON   WAR    AND    NEGOTIATIONS SHOWING 

THAT    A    TREATY    OF    PEACE    IS    A    GREAT    NATIONAL    EVIL. 

PT  was  the  opinion  of  that  poetical  philosopher,  Lucretius, 
*•  that  war  was  the  original  state  of  man,  whom  he  described 
as  being  primitively  a  savage  beast  of  prey,  engaged  in  a  con 
stant  state  of  hostility  with  his  own  species,  and  that  this 
ferocious  spirit  was  tamed  and  ameliorated  by  society.  The 
same  opinion  has  been  advocated  by  Hobbes,*  nor  have  there 
been  wanting  many  other  philosophers  to  admit  and  defend. 
For  my  part,  though  prodigiously  fond  of  these  valuable 
speculations,  so  complimentary  to  human  nature,  yet,  in  this 
instance,  I  arn  inclined  to  take  the  proposition  by  halves,  be 
lieving  with  Horace,!  that  though  war  may  have  been  origi 
nally  the  favorite  amusement  and  industrious  employment  of 
our  progenitors,  yet,  like  many  other  excellent  habits,  so  far 
from  being  ameliorated,  it  has  been  cultivated  and  confirmed 
by  refinement  and  civilization,  and  increases  in  exact  propor- 

*  Ilobbcs's  Leviathan.     Part  i.  ch.  13. 

f  Quum  prorepserunt  primis  animalia  terris, 
Mutuum  ac  turpc  pecus,  glandem  atque  cubilia  proptcr, 
Unguibus  et  pugnis,  dcin  fustibus,  atque  ita  porro 
Fugnabant  armis,  qvue  post  fabricaverat  usus. 

IJoR.  Sat.  L.  i.  S.  3. 


H1STOIIY    OF    NEW    YORK.  285 

tion  as  we  approach  towards  that  state  of  perfection,  which  is 
the  ne  plus  ultra  of  modern  philosophy. 

The  first  conflict  between  man  and  man  was  the  mere  ex 
ertion  of  physical  force,  unaided  by  auxiliary  weapons — his 
arm  was  his  buckler,  his  fist  was  his  mace,  and  a  broken  head 
the  catastrophe  of  his  encounters.  The  battle  of  unassisted 
strength  was  succeeded  by  the  more  rugged  one  of  stones  and 
clubs,  and  war  assumed  a  sanguinary  aspect.  As  man  ad 
vanced  in  refinement,  as  his  faculties  expanded,  and  as  his 
sensibilities  became  more  exquisite,  he  grew  rapidly  more  in 
genious  and  experienced  in  the  art  of  murdering  his  fellow- 
beings.  He  invented  a  thousand  devices  to  defend  and  to  as 
sault — the  helmet,  the  cuirass,  and  the  buckler,  the  sword,  the 
dart,  and  the  javelin,  prepared  him  to  elude  the  wound  as 
well  as  to  launch  the  blow.  Still  urging  on,  in  the  career  of 
philanthropic  invention,  he  enlarges  and  heightens  his  powers 
of  defence  and  injury  : — The  Aries,  the  Scorpio,  the  Balista, 
and  the  Catapulta,  give  a  horror  and  sublimity  to  war,  and 
magnify  its  glory,  by  increasing  its  desolation.  Still  insatia 
ble,  though  armed  with  machinery  that  seemed  to  reach  the 
limits  of  destructive  invention,  and  to  yield  a  power  of  injury 
commensurate  even  with  the  desires  of  revenge — still  deeper 
researches  must  be  made  in  the  diaobolical  arcana.  With 
furious  zeal  he  dives  into  the  bowels  of  the  earth  ;  he  toils 
midst  poisonous  minerals  and  deadly  salts — the  sublime  dis 
covery  of  gunpowder  blazes  upon  the  world — and  finally  the 
dreadful  art  of  fighting  by  proclamation  seems  to  endow  the 
demon  of  war  with  ubiquity  and  omnipotence  ! 

This,  indeed,  is  grand  ! — this,  indeed,  marks  the  powers  of 
mind,  and  bespeaks  that  divine  endowment  of  reason,  which 


286  HIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YO11K. 

distinguishes  us  from  the  animals,  our  inferiors.  The  un 
enlightened  brutes  content  themselves  with  the  native  force 
which  Providence  has  assigned  them. — The  angry  bull  butts 
with  his  horns,  as  did  his  progenitors  before  him — the  lion, 
the  leopard,  and  the  tiger  seek  only  with  their  talons  and  their 
fangs  to  gratify  their  sanguinary  fury  ;  and  even  the  subtle 
serpent  darts  the  same  venom,  and  uses  the  same  wiles,  as  did 
his  sire  before  ffte  flood.  Man  alone,  blessed  with  the  inven 
tive  mind,  goes  on  from  discovery  to  discovery — enlarges 
and  multiplies  his  powers  of  destruction ;  arrogates  the  tre 
mendous  weapons  of  Deity  itself,  and  tasks  creation  to  assist 
him  in  murdering  his  brother  wrorm  ! 

In  proportion  as  the  art  of  wrar  has  increased  in  improve 
ment  has  the  art  of  preserving  peace  advanced  in  equal  ratio  ; 
and  as  we  have  discovered,  in  this  age  of  wonders  and  inven 
tions,  that  proclamation  is  the  most  formidable  engine  in  war, 
so  have  we  discovered  the  no  less  ingenious  mode  of  main 
taining  peace  by  perpetual  negotiations. 

A  treaty,  or,  to  speak  more  correctly,  a  negotiation, 
therefore,  according  to  the  acceptation  of  experienced  states 
men,  learned  in  these  matters,  is  no  longer  an  attempt  to  ac 
commodate  differences,  to  ascertain  rights,  and  to  establish  an 
equitable  exchange  of  kind  offices ;  but  a  contest  of  skill  be 
tween  two  powers,  which  shall  overreach  and  take  in  the 
other.  It  is  a  cunning  endeavor  to  obtain  by  peaceful  ma 
noeuvre,  and  the  chicanery  of  cabinets,  those  advantages  which 
a  nation  would  otherwise  have  wrested  by  force  of  arms  ;  in 
the  same  manner  as  a  conscientious  highwayman  reforms  and 
becomes  a  quiet  and  praiseworthy  citizen,  contenting  himself 
with  cheating  his  neighbor  out  of  that  property  he  wrould  for 
merly  have  seized  with  open  violence. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  287 

In  fact,  the  only  time  when  two  nations  can  be  said  to  be 
in  a  state  of  perfect  amity  is  when  a  negotiation  is  open,  and 
a  treaty  pending.  Then,  when  there  are  no  stipulations  en 
tered  into,  no  bonds  to  restrain  the  will,  no  specific  limits  to 
awaken  the  captious  jealousy  of  right  implanted  in  our  na 
ture  ;  when  each  party  has  some  advantage  to  hope  and  ex 
pect  from  the  other,  then  it  is  that  the  two  nations  are  wonder 
fully  gracious  and  friendly  ;  their  ministers  professing  the 
highest  mutual  regard,  exchanging  billets-doux,  making  fine 
speeches,  and  indulging  in  all  those  little  diplomatic  flirta 
tions,  coquetries,  and  fondlings,  that  do  so  marvellously  tickle, 
the  good  humor  of  the  respective  nations.  Thus  it  may 
paradoxically  be  said,  that  there  is  never  so  good  an  under 
standing  between  two  nations  as  when  there  is  a  little  misun 
derstanding — and  that  so  long  as  they  are  on  no  terms  at  all, 
they  are  on  the  best  terms  in  the  world  ! 

I  do  not  by  any  means  pretend  to  claim  the  merit  of  hav 
ing  made  the  above  discovery.  It  has,  in  fact,  long  been  se 
cretly  acted  upon  by  certain  enlightened  cabinets,  and  is,  to 
gether  with  divers  other  notable  theories,  privately  copied 
out  of  the  common-place  book  of  an  illustrious  gentleman, 
who  has  been  member  of  congress,  and  enjoyed  the  unlimited 
confidence  of  heads  of  departments.  To  this  principle  may 
be  ascribed  the  wonderful  ingenuity  shown  of  late  years  in 
protracting  and  interrupting  negotiations. — Hence  the  cunning 
measure  of  appointing  as  ambassador  some  political  pettifog 
ger  skilled  in  delays,  sophisms,  and  misapprehensions,  and 
dexterous  in  the  art  of  bafiling  argument — or  some  blunder 
ing  statesman,  whose  errors  and  misconstructions  may  be  a 
plea  for  refusing  to  ratify  his  engagements.  And  hence,  too, 


^&S  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

that  most  notable  expedient,  so  popular  with  our  government, 
of  sending  out  a  brace  of  ambassadors  ;  between  whom,  hav 
ing  each  an  individual  will  to  consult,  character  to  establish, 
and  interest  to  promote,  you  may  as  well  look  for  unanimity 
and  concord  as  between  two  lovers  with  one  mistress,  two 
dogs  with  one  bone,  or  two  naked  rogues  with  one  pair  of 
breeches.  This  disagreement,  therefore,  is  continually  breed 
ing  delays  and  impediments,  in  consequence  cf  which  the  ne 
gotiation  goes  on  swimmingly — inasmuch  as  there  is  no  pros 
pect  of  its  ever  coming  to  a  close.  Nothing  is  lost  by  these 
delays  and  obstacles  but  time ;  and  in  a  negotiation,  accord 
ing  to  the  theory  I  have  exposed,  all  time  lost  is  in  reality  so 
much  time  gained  : — with  what  delightful  paradoxes  does 
modern  political  economy  abound  ! 

Now  all  that  I  have  here  advanced  is  so  notoriously  true, 
that  I  almost  blush  to  take  up  the  time  of  my  readers  with 
treating  of  matters  which  must  many  a  time  have  stared  them 
in  the  face.  But  the  proposition  to  which  I  would  most  earn 
estly  call  their  attention  is  this,  that  though  a  negotiation  be 
the  most  harmonizing  of  all  national  transactions,  yet  a  treaty 
of  peace  is  a  great  political  evil,  and  one  of  the  most  fruitful 
sources  of  war. 

I  have  rarely  seen  an  instance  of  any  special  contract  be 
tween  individuals  that  did  not  produce  jealousies,  bickerings, 
and  often  downright  ruptures  between  them  ;  nor  did  I  ever 
know  of  a  treaty  between  two  nations  that  did  not  occasion 
continual  misunderstandings.  How  many  worthy  country 
neighbors  have  I  known,  who,  after  living  in  peace  and  good- 
fellowship  for  years,  have  been  thrown  into  a  state  of  distrust, 
cavilling,  and  animosity,  by  some  ill-starred  agreement  about 


HISTORY    OF   NfiW    YOKK.  280 

fences,  runs  of  water,  and  stray  cattle  !  And  how  many  well- 
meaning  nations,  who  would  otherwise  have  remained  in  the 
most  amicable  disposition  towards  each  other,  have  been 
brought  to  swords'  points  about  the  infringement  or  miscon 
struction  of  some  treaty,  which  in  an  evil  hour  they  had  con 
cluded,  by  way  of  making  their  amity  more  sure  ! 

Treaties  at  best  are  but  complied  with  so  long  as  interest 
requires  their  fulfilment ;  consequently  they  are  virtually 
binding  on  the  weaker  party  only,  or,  in  plain  truth,  they  are 
not  binding  at  all.  No  nation  will  wantonly  go  to  war  with 
another  if  it  has  nothing  to  gain  thereby,  and  therefore  needs 
no  treaty  to  restrain  it  from  violence ;  and  if  it  have  any 
thing  to  gain,  I  much  question,  from  what  I  have  witnessed 
of  the  righteous  conduct  of  nations,  whether  any  treaty  could 
be  made  so  strong  that  it  could  not  thrust  the  sword  through 
— nay,  I  would  hold  ten  to  one,  the  treaty  itself  would  be  the 
very  source  to  which  resort  would  be  had  to  find  a  pretext 
for  hostilities. 

Thus,  therefore,  I  conclude— that  though  it  is  the  best  of 
all  policies  for  a  nation  to  keep  up  a  constant  negotiation  with 
its  neighbors,  yet  it  is  tho  summit  of  folly  for  it  ever  to  be 
beguiled  into  a  treaty  ;  for  then  comes  on  non-fulfilment  and 
infraction,  then  remonstrance,  then  altercation,  then  retalia 
tion,  then  recrimination,  and  finally  open  war.  In  a  word, 
negotiation  is  like  courtship,  a  time  of  sweet  words,  gallant 
speeches,  soft  looks,  and  endearing  caresses— but  the  marriage 
ceremony  is  the  signal  for  hostilities. 

If  my  painstaking  reader  be  not  somewhat  perplexed  by 
the  ratiocination  of  the  foregoing  passage,  he  will  perceive,  at 
a  glance,  that  the  Great  Peter,  in  concluding  a  treaty  with  his 
13 


290  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

eastern  neighbors,  was  guilty  of  lamentable  error  in  policy. 
In  fact,  to  this  unlucky  agreement  may  be  traced  a  world  of 
bickerings  and  heart-burnings,  between  the  parties,  about  fan 
cied  or  pretended  infringements  of  treaty  stipulations ;  in  all 
which  the  Yankees  were  prone  to  indemnify  themselves  by  a 
"  dig  into  the  sides  "  of  the  New  Netherlands.  But,  in  sooth, 
these  border  feuds,  albeit  they  gave  great  annoyance  to  the 
good  burghers  of  Manna-hata,  were  so  pitiful  in  their  nature, 
that  a  grave  historian  like  myself,  who  grudges  the  time  spent 
in  any  thing  less  than  the  revolutions  of  states  and  fall  of  em 
pires,  would  deem  them  unworthy  of  being  inscribed  on  his 
page.  The  reader  is,  therefore,  to  take  it  for  granted,  though 
I  scorn  to  waste,  in  the  detail,  that  time  which  my  furrowed 
brow  and  trembling  hand  inform  me  is  invaluable,  that  all  the 
while  the  Great  Peter  was  occupied  in  those  tremendous  and 
bloody  contests  which  I  shall  shortly  rehearse,  there  was  a 
continued  series  of  little,  dirty,  snivelling  scourings,  broils, 
and  maraudings,  kept  up  on  the  eastern  frontiers  by  the  moss 
troopers  of  Connecticut.  But,  like  that  mirror  of  chivalry,  the 
sage  and  valorous  Don  Quixote,  I  leave  these  petty  contests 
for  some  future  Sancho  Panza  of  an  historian,  while  I  reserve 
my  prowess  and  my  pen  for  achievements  of  higher  dignity  ; 
for  at  this  moment  I  hear  a  direful  and  portentous  note  issuing 
from  the  bosom  of  the  great  council  of  the  league,  and  re 
sounding  throughout  the  regions  of  the  east,  menacing  the 
fame  and  fortunes  of  Peter  Stuy  vesant.  I  call,  therefore,  upon 
the  reader  to  leave  behind  him  all  the  paltry  brawls  of  the 
Connecticut  borders,  and  to  press  forward  with  me  to  the  re 
lief  of  our  favorite  hero,  who,  I  foresee,  will  be  wofully  beset 
by  the  implacable  Yankees  in  the  next  chapter. 


CIIAPTEK  Y. 


HOW  PETER  STUYYESANT  WAS  GRIEYOUSLY  BELIED  BY  THE  GREAT  COUN 
CIL  OF  THE  LEAGUE  ;  AND  HOW  HE  SENT  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER  TO 
TAKE  TO  THE  COUNCIL  A  PIECE  OF  HIS  MIND. 


the  reader  may  be  aware  of  the  peril  at  this  moment 
menacing  Peter  Stuy  vesant  and  his  capital,  I  must  remind 
him  of  the  old  charge  advanced  in  the  council  of  the  league 
in  the  time  of  William  the  Testy,  that  the  Ncdcrlanders  were 
carrying  on  a  trade  "  damnable  and  injurious  to  the  colonists," 
in  furnishing  the  savages  with  "  guns,  powther  and  shott." 
This,  as  I  then  suggested,  was  a  crafty  device  of  the  Yankee 
confederacy  to  have  a  snug  cause  of  war  in  petto,  in  case  any 
favorable  opportunity  should  present  of  attempting  the  con 
quest  of  the  New  Ncderlands  :  the  great  object  of  Yankee 
ambition. 

Accordingly  we  now  find,  when  every  other  ground  of 
complaint  had  apparently  been  removed  by  treaty,  this  nefa 
rious  charge  revived  with  tenfold  virulence,  and  hurled  like  a 
thunderbolt  at  the  very  head  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  ;  happily 
his  head,  like  that  of  the  great  bull  of  the  Wabash,  was  proof 
against  such  missiles. 

To  be  explicit,  we  are  told  that,  in  the  year  1651,  the  great 
confederacy  of  the  east  accused  the  immaculate  Peter,  the 


292  HISTORY   OF   NEW    YOKK. 

soul  of  honor  and  heart  of  steel,  of  secretly  endeavoring,  by 
gifts  and  promises,  to  instigate  the  Narroheganset,  Mohaquc, 
and  Pequot  Indians,  to  surprise  and  massacre  the  Yankee  set 
tlements.  "  For,"  as  the  grand  council  observed,  "  the  In 
dians  round  about  for  divers  hundred  miles  cercute  seeme  to 
have  drunk  deepe  of  an  intoxicating  cupp,  att  or  from  the 
Manhattoes  against  the  English,  whoe  have  sought  their  good, 
both  in  bodily  and  spirituall  respects." 

This  charge  they  pretended  to  support  by  the  evidence  of 
divers  Indians,  who  were  probably  moved  by  that  spirit  of 
truth  which  is  said  to  reside  in  the  bottle,  and  who  swore  to 
the  fact  as  sturdily  as  though  they  had  been  so  many  Christian 
troopers. 

Though  descended  from  a  family  which  suffered  much  in 
jury  from  the  losel  Yankees  of  those  times,  my  great  grand 
father  having  had  a  yoke  of  oxen  and  his  best  pacer  stolen, 
and  having  received  a  pair  of  black  eyes  and  a  bloody  nose 
in  one  of  these  border  wars ;  and  my  grandfather,  when  a 
very  little  boy  tending  pigs,  having  been  kidnapped  and  se 
verely  flogged  by  a  long-sided  Connecticut  schoolmaster — yet 
I  should  have  passed  over  all  these  wrongs  with  forgiveness 
and  oblivion — I  could  even  have  suffered  them  to  have  broken 
Everet  Ducking's  head  ;  to  have  kicked  the  doughty  Jacobus 
Van  Curlet  and  his  ragged  regiment  out  of  doors ;  to  have 
carried  every  hog  into  captivity,  and  depopulated  every  hen 
roost  on  the  face  of  the  earth  with  perfect  impunity — but  this 
wanton  attack  upon  one  of  the  most  gallant  and  irreproachable 
heroes  of  modern  times,  is  too  much  even  for  me  to  digest. ; 
and  has  overset,  with  a  single  puff,  the  patience  of  the  histo 
rian,  and  the  forbearance  of  the  Dutchman. 


IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK.  9 

Oh,  reader,  it  was  false  !  I  swear  to  thee,  it  was  false  ! — If 
thou  hast  any  respect  to  my  word — if  the  undeviating  charac 
ter  for  veracity,  which  I  have  endeavored  to  maintain  through 
out  this  work,  has  its  due  weight  upon  thee,  thou  wilt  not  give 
thy  faith  to  this  tale  of  slander ;  for  I  pledge  my  honor  and 
my  immortal  fame  to  thee,  that  the  gallant  Peter  Stuy  vesant 
was  not  only  innocent  of  this  foul  conspiracy,  but  would  have 
suffered  his  right  arm  or  even  his  wooden  leg  to  consume  with 
slow  and  everlasting  flames,  rather  than  attempt  to  destroy 
his  enemies  in  any  other  way  than  open,  generous  warfare — 
beshrew  those  caitiff  scouts,  that  conspired  to  sully  his  honest 
name  by  such  an  imputation  ! 

Peter  Stuyvesant,  though  haply  he  may  never  have  heard 
of  a  knight-errant,  had  as  true  a  heart  of  chivalry  as  ever 
beat  at  the  round  table  of  King  Arthur.  In  the  honest  bosom 
of  this  heroic  Dutchman  dwelt  the  seven  noble  virtues  of 
knighthood,  flourishing  among  his  hardy  qualities  like  wild 
flowers  among  rocks.  He  was,  in  truth,  a  hero  of  chivalry 
struck  off  by  nature  at  a  single  heat,  and  though  little  care 
may  have  been  taken  to  refine  her  workmanship,  he  stood 
forth  a  miracle  of  her  skill.  In  all  his  dealings  he  was  head 
strong  perhaps,  but  open  and  above  board  ;  if  there  was  any 
thing  in  the  whole  world  he  most  loathed  and  despised  it  was 
cunning  and  secret  wile  ;  "  straight  forward  "  was  his  motto, 
and  he  would  at  any  time  rather  run  his  hard  head  against  a 
stone  wall  than  attempt  to  get  round  it. 

Such  was  Peter  Stuyvesant,  and  if  my  admiration  of  him 
has  on  this  occasion  transported  my  style  beyond  the  sober 
gravity  which  becomes  the  philosophic  recorder  of  historic 
events,  I  must  plead  as  an  apology,  that  though  a  little  gray- 


I11STOKY    OF    NEW    YOliK. 


headed  Dutchman,  arrived  almost  at  the  down-hill  of  life,  1 
still  retain  a  lingering  spark  of  that  fire  which  kindles  in  the 
eye  of  youth  when  contemplating  the  virtues  of  ancient  wor 
thies.  Blessed,  thrice  and  nine  times  blessed  be  the  good  St. 
Nicholas,  if  I  have  indeed  escaped  that  apathy  which  chills  the 
sympathies  of  age  and  paralyzes  every  glow  of  enthusiasm. 

The  first  measure  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  on  hearing  of  this 
slanderous  charge,  would  have  been  worthy  of  a  man  who  had 
studied  for  years  in  the  chivalrous  library  of  Don  Quixote. 
Drawing  his  swrord  and  laying  it  across  the  table,  to  put  him 
in  proper  tune,  he  took  pen  in  hand  and  indited  a  proud  and 
lofty  letter  to  the  council  of  the  league,  reproaching  them 
with  giving  ear  to  the  slanders  of  heathen  savages  against  a 
Christian,  a  soldier,  and  a  cavalier ;  declaring  that  whoever 
charged  him  with  the  plot  in  question,  lied  in  his  throat ;  to 
prove  which  he  offered  to  meet  the  president  of  the  council 
or  any  of  his  compeers ;  or  their  champion,  Captain  Alicxsan- 
der  Partridg,  that  mighty  man  of  Rhodes,  in  single  combat ; 
wherein  he  trusted  to  vindicate  his  honor  by  the  prowess  of 
his  arm. 

This  missive  was  intrusted  to  his  trumpeter  and  squire, 
Antony  Van  Corlear,  that  man  of  emergencies,  with  orders 
to  travel  night  and  day,  sparing  neither  whip  nor  spur,  seeing 
that  he  carried  the  vindication  of  his  patron's  fame  in  his 
saddle-bags. 

The  loyal  Antony  accomplished  his  mission  with  great 
speed  and  considerable  loss  of  leather.  lie  delivered  his 
missive  writh  becoming  ceremony,  accompanying  it  with  a 
flourish  of  defiance  on  his  trumpet  to  the  whole  council,  ending 
with  a  significant  and  nasal  twang  full  in  the  face  of  Captain 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  205 

Partridg,  who  nearly  jumped  out  of  his  skin  in  an  ecstasy  of 
astonishment. 

The  grand  council  was  composed  of  men  too  cool  and 
practical  to  be  put  readily  in  a  heat,  or  to  indulge  in  knight- 
errantry  ;  and  above  all  to  run  a  tilt  with  such  a  fiery  hero  as 
Peter  the  Headstrong.  They  knew  the  advantage,  however, 
to  have  always  a  snug,  justifiable  cause  of  war  in  reserve  with 
a  neighbor,  who  had  territories  worth  invading ;  so  they 
devised  a  reply  to  Peter  Stuyvesant,  calculated  to  keep  up  the 
"  raw  "  which  they  had  established. 

On  receiving  this  answer,  Antony  Van  Corlear  remounted 
the  Flanders  mare  which  he  always  rode,  and  trotted  merrily 
back  to  the  Manhattoes,  solacing  himself  by  the  way  ac 
cording  to  his  wont — twanging  his  trumpet  like  a  very  devil, 
so  that  the  sweet  valleys  and  banks  of  the  Connecticut  re 
sounded  with  the  warlike  melody — bringing  all  the  folks  to 
the  windows  as  he  passed  through  Hartford  and  Pyquag,  and 
Middletown,  and  all  the  other  border  towns,  ogling  and 
winking  at  the  women,  and  making  aerial  wind-mills  from  the 
end  of  his  nose  at  their  husbands — and  stopping  occasionally 
in  the  villages  to  eat  pumpkin-pies,  dance  at  country  frolics, 
and  bundle  with  the  Yankee  lasses — whom  he  rejoiced  exceed 
ingly  with  his  soul-stirring  instrument. 


CHAPTER  VI. 


HOW    PETER    STUYVESANT    DEMANDED    A    COURT    OP   nONOR AND  WHAT    THE 

COURT    OF    HONOR    AWARDED    TO    HIM. 


reply  of  the  grand  council  to  Peter  Stuyvesant  was 
couched  in  the  coolest  and  most  diplomatic  language. 
They  assured  him  that  "  his  confident  denials  of  the  "barbarous 
plot  alleged  against  him  would  weigh  little  against  the  testi 
mony  of  divers  sober  and  respectable  Indians ; "  that  "  his 
guilt  was  proved  to  their  perfect  satisfaction,"  so  that  they 
must  still  require  and  seek  due  satisfaction  and  security  ;  end 
ing  with — "  so  we  rest,  sir — Yours  in  ways  of  righteousness." 
I  forbear  to  say  how  the  lion-hearted  Peter  roared  and 
ramped  at  finding  himself  more  and  more  entangled  in  the 
meshes  thus  artfully  drawn  round  him  by  the  knowing  Yan 
kees.  Impatient,  however,  of  suffering  so  gross  an  aspersion 
to  rest  upon  his  honest  name,  he  sent  a  second  messenger  to 
the  council,  reiterating  his  denial  of  the  treachery  imputed  to 
him,  and  offering  to  submit  his  conduct  to  the  scrutiny  of  a 
court  of  honor.  His  offer  was  readily  accepted  ;  and  now  he 
looked  forward  with  confidence  to  an  august  tribunal  to  be 
assembled  at  the  Manhattocs  formed  of  high-minded  cavaliers, 
peradventure  governors  and  commanders  of  the  confederate 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

plantations,  when  the  matter  might  be  investigated  by  his 
peers,  in  a  manner  befitting  his  rank  and  dignity. 

While  he  was  awaiting  the  arrival  of  such  high  function 
aries,  behold,  one  sunshiny  afternoon  there  rode  into  the  great 
gate  of  the  Manhattoes  two  lean,  hungry-looking  Yankees, 
mounted  on  Narraganset  pacers,  with  saddle-bags  under  their 
bottoms,  and  green  satchels  under  their  arms,  who  looked 
marvellously  like  two  pettifogging  attorneys  beating  the  hoof 
from  one  county  court  to  another  in  quest  of  lawsuits  :  and, 
in  sooth,  though  they  may  have  passed  under  different  names 
at  the  time,  I  have  reason  to  suspect  they  were  the  identical 
varlets  who  had  negotiated  the  worthy  Dutch  commissioners 
out  of  the  Connecticut  river. 

It  was  a  rule  with  these  indefatigable  missionaries  never 
to  let  the  grass  grow  under  their  feet.  Scarce  had  they,  there 
fore,  alighted  at  the  inn  and  deposited  their  saddle-bags,  than 
they  made  their  way  to  the  residence  of  the  governor.  They 
found  him,  according  to  custom,  smoking  his  afternoon  pipe 
on  the  "  stoop,"  or  bench  at  the  porch  of  his  house,  and  an 
nounced  themselves,  at  once,  as  commissioners  sent  by  the 
grand  council  of  the  east  to  investigate  the  truth  of  certain 
charges  advanced  against  him. 

The  good  Peter  took  his  pipe  from  his  mouth,  and  gazed 
at  them  for  a  moment  in  mute  astonishment.  By  way  of  ex 
pediting  business,  they  were  proceeding  on  the  spot  to  put 
some  preliminary  questions ;  asking  him,  peradventure, 
whether  he  pleaded  guilty  or  not  guilty,  considering  him 
something  in  the  light  of  a  culprit  at  the  bar  ;  when  they  were 
brought  to  a  pause  by  seeing  him  lay  down  his  pipe  and  begin 
to  fumble  with  his  walking-staff.  For  a  moment  those  pres- 
13* 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

cut  would  not  have  given  half  a  crown  for  both  the  crowns  of 
the  commissioners ;  but  Peter  Stuyvesant  repressed  his 
mighty  wrath  and  stayed  his  hand ;  he  scanned  the  varlcts 
from  head  to  foot,  satchels  and  all,  with  a  look  of  ineffable 
scorn ;  then  strode  into  the  house,  slammed  the  door  after 
him,  and  commanded  that  they  should  never  again  be  admit 
ted  to  his  presence. 

The  knowing  commissioners  winked  to  each  other,  and 
made  a  certificate  on  the  spot  that  the  governor  had  refused 
to  answer  their  interrogatories  or  to  submit  to  their  examina 
tion.  They  then  proceeded  to  rummage  about  the  city  for  two 
or  three  days,  in  quest  of  what  they  called  evidence,  perplex 
ing  Indians  and  old  women  with  their  cross-questioning  until 
they  had  stuffed  their  satchels  and  saddle-bags  with  all  kinds 
of  apocryphal  tales,  rumors,  and  calumnies ;  with  these  they 
mounted  their  Narraganset  pacers  and  travelled  back  to  the 
grand  council ;  neither  did  the  proud-hearted  Peter  trouble 
himself  to  hinder  their  researches  nor  impede  their  departure  ; 
he  was  too  mindful  of  their  sacred  character  as  envoys ;  but  I 
warrant  me  had  they  played  the  same  tricks  with  William 
the  Testy,  he  would  have  had  them  tucked  up  by  the  waist 
band  and  treated  to  an  aerial  gambol  on  his  patent  gallows. 


CHAPTER  VII. 

JIOW  "  DRUM  ECCLESIASTIC  "  WAS  BEATEN  THROUGHOUT  CONNECTICUT  FOR 
A  CRUSADE  AGAINST  THE  -  NEW  NETHERLANDS,  AND  HOW  PETER  STUY- 
VESANT  TOOK  MEASURES  TO  FORTIFY  HIS  CAPITAL. 


grand  council  of  the  cast  held  a  solemn  meeting  on 
the  return  of  their  envoys.  As  no  advocate  appeared  in 
behalf  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  every  thing  went  against  him. 
His  haughty  refusal  to  submit  to  the  questioning  of  the  com 
missioners  was  construed  into  a  consciousness  of  guilt.  The 
contents  of  the  satchels  and  saddle-bags  were  poured  forth 
before  the  council  and  appeared  a  mountain  of  evidence.  A 
pale,  bilious  orator  took  the  floor,  and  declaimed  for  hours 
and  in  belligerent  terms.  He  was  one  of  those  furious  zealots 

% 

who  blows  the  bellows  of  faction  until  the  whole  furnace  of 
politics  is  red-hot  with  sparks  and  cinders.  What  was  it  to 
him  if  he  should  set  the  house  on  fire,  so  that  he  might  boil 
his  pot  by  the  blaze.  He  was  from  the  borders  of  Connecti 
cut  ;  his  constituents  lived  by  marauding  their  Dutch  neigh 
bors,  and  were  the  greatest  poachers  in  Christendom,  except 
ing  the  Scotch  border  nobles.  His  eloquence  had  its  effect, 
and  it  was  determined  to  set  on  foot  an  expedition  against  the 
Nieuw  Ncderlands. 

It  was  necessary,  however,  to  prepare  the  public  mind  for 


300  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

this  measure.  Accordingly  the  arguments  of  the  orator  were 
echoed  from  the  pulpit  for  several  succeeding  Sundays,  and  a 
crusade  was  preached  up  against  Peter  Stuyvesant  and  his 
devoted  city. 

This  is  the  first  we  hear  of  the  "  drum  ecclesiastic  "  beat 
ing  up  for  recruits  in  worldly  warfare  in  our  country.  It  has 
since  been  called  into  frequent  use.  A  cunning  politician  often 
lurks  under  the  clerical  robe  ;  things  spiritual  and  things  tem 
poral  are  strangely  jumbled  together,  like  drugs  on  an  apoth 
ecary's  shelf;  and  instead  of  a  peaceful  sermon,  the  simple 
seeker  after  righteousness  has  often  a  political  pamphlet 
thrust  down  his  throat,  labelled  with  a  pious  text  from  Scrip 
ture. 

And  now  nothing  was  talked  of  but  an  expedition  against 
the  Manhattocs.  It  pleased  the  populace,  who  had  a  vehe 
ment  prejudice  against  the  Dutch,  considering  them  a  vastly 
inferior  race,  who  had  sought  the  new  world  for  the  lucre  of 
gain,  not  the  liberty  of  conscience ;  who  were  mere  heretics 
and  infidels,  inasmuch  as  they  refused  to  believe  in  witches 
and  sea-serpents,  and  had  faith  in  the  virtues  of  horse-shoes 
nailed  to  the  door  ;  ate  pork  without  molasses ;  held  pump 
kins  in  contempt,  and  were  in  perpetual  breach  of  the  elev 
enth  commandment  of  all  true  Yankees,  "  Thou  shalt  have 
codfish  dinners  on  Saturdays." 

No  sooner  did  Peter  Stuyvesant  get  wind  of  the  storm 
that  was  brewing  in  the  east  than  he  set  to  work  to  prepare 
for  it.  He  was  not  one  of  those  economical  rulers,  who  post 
pone  the  expense  of  fortifying  until  the  enemy  is  at  the  door. 
There  is  nothing,  he  would  say,  that  keeps  ofT  enemies  and 
crows  more  than  the  smell  of  gunpowder.  lie  proceeded, 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  301 

therefore,  with  all  diligence,  to  put  the  province  and  its  me 
tropolis  in  a  posture  of  defence. 

Among  the  remnants  which  remained  from  the  days  of 
William  the  Testy,  were  the  militia  laws ;  by  which  the 
inhabitants  were  obliged  to  turn  out  twice  a  year,  with  such 
military  equipments  as  it  pleased  God  ;  and  were  put  under 
the  command  of  tailors  and  man-milliners,  who,  though  on 
ordinary  occasions  they  might  have  been  the  meekest,  most 
pippin-hearted  little  men  in  the  world,  were  very  devils  at 
parade,  when  they  had  cocked  hats  on  their  heads  and  swords 
by  their  sides.  Under  the  instructions  of  these  periodical 
warriors,  the  peaceful  burghers  of  the'  Manhattoes  were 
schooled  in  iron  war,  and  became  so  hardy  in  the  process  of 
time,  that  they  could  march  through  sun  and  rain,  from  one 
end  of  the  town  to  the  other,  without  flinching  ;  and  so  intre 
pid  and  adroit,  that  they  could  face  to  the  right,  wheel  to  the 
left,  and  fire  without  winking  or  blinking. 

Peter  Stuyvcsant,  like  all  old  soldiers  who  have  seen  ser 
vice  and  smelt  gunpowder,  had  no  great  respect  for  militia 
troops  ;  however,  he  determined  to  give  them  a  trial,  and 
accordingly  called  for  a  general  muster,  inspection,  and  re 
view.  But,  oh  Mars  and  Bellona  !  what  a  turning  out  was 
here !  Here  came  old  lloelant  Cuckaburt,  with  a  short  blun 
derbuss  on  his  shoulder,  and  a  long  horseman's  sword  trailing 
by  his  side  ;  and  Barent  Dirkson,  with  something  that  looked 
like  a  copper  kettle  turned  upside  down  on  his  head,  and  a 
couple  of  old  horse-pistols  in  his  belt ;  and  Dirk  Volkertson, 
with  a  long  duck  fowling-piece  without  any  ramrod ;  and  a 
host  more,  armed  higgledy-piggledy — with  swords,  hatchets, 
snickersnees,  crowbars,  broomsticks,  and  what  not ;  the 


302  HISTORY    OF   NEW   YOKK. 

officers  distinguished  from  the  rest  by  having  their  slouched 
hats  cocked  up  with  pins,  and  surmounted  with  cocktail  feathers. 
The  sturdy  Peter  eyed  this  nondescript  host  with  some 
such  rueful  aspect  as1  a  man  would  eye  the  devil,  and  deter 
mined  to  give  his  featherbed  soldiers  a  seasoning.  lie  accord 
ingly  put  them  through  their  manual  exercise  over  and  over 
again ;  trudged  them  backwards  and  forwards  about  the 
streets  of  New  Amsterdam  until  their  Short  legs  ached  and 
their  fat  sides  sweated  again,  and  finally  encamped  them  in 
the  evening  on  the  summit  of  a  hill  without  the  city,  to  give 
them  a  taste  of  camp  life,  intending  the  next  day  to  renew  the 
toils  and  perils  of  the  field.  But  so  it  came  to  pass  that  in 
the  night  there  fell  a  great  and  heavy  rain,  and  melted  away 
the  army,  so  that  in  the  morning  when  Gaffer  Phoebus  shed 
his  first  beams  upon  the  camp  scarce  a  warrior  remained  ex 
cept  Peter  Stuyvcsant  and  his  trumpeter  Van  Corlcar. 

This  awful  desolation  of  a  whole  army  would  have  ap 
palled  a  commander  of  less  nerve ;  but  it  served  to  confirm 
Peter's  want  of  confidence  in  the  militia  system,  which  he 
thenceforward  used  to  call,  in  joke — for  lie  sometimes  indulged 
in  a  joke — William  the  Testy's  broken  reed.  He  now  took 
into  his  service  a  goodly  number  of  burly,  broad-shouldered, 
broad-bottomed  Dutchmen  ;  whom  he  paid  in  good  silver  and 
gold,  and  of  whom  he  boasted  that  whether  they  could  stand 
fire  or  not,  they  were  at  least  water-proof. 

He  fortified  the  city,  too,  with  pickets  and  palisadoes,  ex 
tending  across  the  island  from  river  to  river  ;  and  above  all, 
cast  up  mud  batteries  or  redoubts  on  the  point  of  the  island, 
where  it  divided  the  beautiful  bosom  of  the  bay. 

These  latter  redoubts,  in  process  of  time,  came  to  be  picas- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  303 

antly  overrun  by  a  carpet  of  glass  and  clover,  and  overshad 
owed  by  wide-spreading  elms  and  sycamores ;  among  the 
branches  of  which  the  birds  would  build  their  nests  and  rejoice 
the  ear  with  their  melodious  notes.  Under  these  trees,  too, 
the  old  burghers  would  smoke  their  afternoon  pipe  ;  contem 
plating  the  golden  sun  as  he  sank  in  the  west,  an  emblem  of 
the  tranquil  end  toward  which  they  were  declining.  Here, 
too,  would  the  young  men  and  maidens  of  the  town  take  their 
evening  stroll,  watching  the  silver  moonbeams  as  they  trem 
bled  along  the  calm  bosom  of  the  bay,  or  lit  up  the  sail  of 
some  gliding  bark  ;  and  peradventure  interchanging  the  soft 
vows  of  honest  affection  ;  for  to  evening  strolls  in  this  favored 
spot  were  traced  most  of  the  marriages  in  New  Amsterdam. 

Such  was  the  origin  of  that  renowned  promenade,  THE 
BATTERY,  which  though  ostensibly  devoted  to  the  stern  pur 
poses  of  war,  has  ever  been  consecrated  to  the  sweet  delights 
of  peace.  The  scene  of  many  a  gambol  in  happy  childhood — 
of  many  a  tender  assignation  in  riper  years — of  many  a  sooth 
ing  walk  in  declining  age — the  healthful  resort  of  the  feeble 
invalid — the  Sunday  refreshment  of  the  dusty  tradesman — in 
fine,  the  ornament  and  delight  of  New  York,  and  the  pride  of 
the  lovely  island  of  Manna-hata. 


CHAPTER  YIIL 


HOW  THE  YANKEE  CRUSADE  AGAINST  THE  NEW  NETHERLANDS  WAS  BAFFLED 
BY  THE  SUDDEN  OUTBREAK  OF  WITCHCRAFT  AMONG  THE  PEOPLE  OF 
THE  EAST. 


TTAVING  thus  provided  for  the  temporary  security  of  New 
-*--*-  Amsterdam,  and  guarded  it  against  any  sudden  surprise, 
the  gallant  Peter  took  a  hearty  pinch  of  snuff,  and  snapping 
his  fingers,  set  the  great  council  of  Amphictyons  and  their 
champion,  the  redoubtable  Alicxsander  Partridg,  at  defiance. 
In  the  mean  time  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecticut ;  the  war 
riors  of  New  Haven  and  Hartford,  and  Pyquag,  otherwise 
called  Weathersfield,  famous  for  its  onions  and  its  witches — 
and  of  all  the  other  border  towns,  were  in  a  prodigious  tur 
moil  ;  furbishing  up  their  rusty  weapons  ;  shouting  aloud  for 
war,  and  anticipating  easy  conquests,  and  glorious  rummaging 
of  the  fat  little  Dutch  villages. 

In  the  midst  of  these  warlike  preparations,  however,  they 
received  the  chilling  news  that  the  colony  of  Massachusetts 
refused  to  back  them  in  this  righteous  war.  It  seems  that  the 
gallant  conduct  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  the  generous  warmth  of 
his  vindication  and  the  chivalrous  spirit  of  his  defiance,  though 
lost  upon  the  grand  council  of  the  league,  had  carried  convic- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  305 

tion  to  the  general  court  of  Massachusetts,  which  nobly  refused 
to  believe  him  guilty  of  the  villanous  plot  laid  at  his  door.* 

The  defection  of  so  important  a  colony  paralyzed  the  coun 
cils  of  the  league,  some  such  dissension  arose  among  its  mem 
bers  as  prevailed  of  yore  in  the  camp  of  the  brawling  warriors 
of  Greece,  and  in  the  end  the  crusade  against  the  Manhattoes 
was  abandoned. 

It  is  said  that  the  moss-troopers  of  Connecticut  were  sorely 
disappointed ;  but  well  for  them  that  their  belligerent  crav 
ings  were  not  gratified  :  for  by  my  faith,  whatever  might  have 
been  the  ultimate  result  of  a  conflict  with  all  the  powers  of 
the  east,  in  the  interim  the  stomachful  heroes  of  Pyquag 
would  have  been  choked  with  their  own  onions,  and  all  the 
border  towns  of  Connecticut  would  have  had  such  a  scouring 
from  the  lion-hearted  Peter  and  his  robustious  myrmidons, 
that  I  warrant  me  they  would  not  have  had  the  stomach  to 
squat  on  the  land  or  invade  the  henroost  of  a  Ncdcrlander  for 
a  century  to  come. 

But  it  was  not  merely  the  refusal  of  Massachusetts  to  join 
in  their  unholy  crusade  that  confounded  the  councils  of  the 
league ;  for  about  this  time  broke  out  in  the  New  England 
provinces  the  awful  plague  of  witchcraft,  which  spread  like 
pestilence  through  the  land.  Such  a  howling  abomination 
could  not  be  suffered  to  remain  long  unnoticed ;  it  soon  ex 
cited  the  fiery  indignation  of  those  guardians  of  the  common 
wealth,  who  whilom  had  evinced  such  active  benevolence  in 
the  conversion  of  Quakers  and  Anabaptists.  The  grand  coun 
cil  of  the  league  publicly  set  their  faces  against  the  crime,  and 

*  Hazard's  State  Tapers. 


306  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

bloody  laws  were  enacted  against  all  "  solem  conversing  or 
compacting  with  the  divil  by  way  of  conjuracion  or  the  like."* 
Strict  search  too  was  made  after  witches,  who  were  easily  de 
tected  by  devil's  pinches  ;  by  being  able  to  weep  but  three 
tears,  and  those  out  of  the  left  eye ;  and  by  having  a  most 
suspicious  predilection  for  black  cats  and  broomsticks  !  What 
is  particularly  worthy  of  admiration  is,  that  this  terrible  art, 
which  has  battled  the  studies  and  researches  of  philosophers, 
astrologers,  thcurgists,  and  other  sages,  was  chiefly  confined 
to  the  most  ignorant,  decrepit,  and  ugly  old  women  in  the 
community,  with  scarce  more  brains  than  the  broomsticks 
they  rode  upon. 

When  once  an  alarm  is  sounded,  the  public,  who  dearly 
love  to  be  in  a  panic,  arc  always  ready  to  keep  it  up.  Raise 
but  the  cry  of  yellow  fever,  and  immediately  every  headache, 
indigestion,  and  overflowing  of  the  bile  is  pronounced  the  ter 
rible  epidemic ;  cry  out  mad  dog,  and  every  unlucky  cur  in 
the  street  is  in  jeopardy :  so  in  the  present  instance,  whoever 
was  troubled  with  cholic  or  lumbago  was  sure  to  be  bewitched 
— and  woe  to  any  unlucky  old  woman  living  in  the  neighbor 
hood. 

It  is  incredible  the  number  of  oflenccs  that  were  detected, 
"  for  every  one  of  which,"  says  the  reverend  Cotton  Mather, 
in  that  excellent  work,  the  History  of  New  England,  "  we 
have  such  a  sufficient  evidence,  that  no  reasonable  man  in  this 
whole  country  ever  did  question  them  ;  and  it  will  le  unrea 
sonable  to  do  it  in  any  other '."f 

Indeed,  that  authentic  and  judicious  historian  John  Josse- 

*  New  Plymouth  record. 

f  Mather's  Hist.  New  Eng.  B.  C,  ch.  7. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  OO I 

lyn,  Gent.,  furnishes  us  with  unquestionable  facts  on  this  sub 
ject.  "  Tlicre  are  none,"  observes  he,  "  that  beg  in  this  coun 
try,  but  there  be  witches  too  many — bottle-bellied  witches  and 
others,  that  produce  many  strange  apparitions,  if  you  will 
believe  report,  of  a  shallop  at  sea  manned  with  women — and 
of  a  ship  and  great  red  horse  standing  by  the  main-mast ;  the 
ship  being  in  a  small  cove  to  the  eastward,  vanished  of  a  sud 
den,"  etc. 

The  number  of  delinquents,  however,  and  their  magical 
devices,  were  not  more  remarkable  than  their  diabolical  obsti 
nacy.  Though  exhorted  in  the  most  solemn,  persuasive,  and 
affectionate  manner,  to  confess  themselves  guilty,  and  be 
burnt  for  the  good  of  religion,  and  the  entertainment  of  the 
public ;  yet  did  they  most  pertinaciously  persist  in  asserting 
their  innocence.  Such  incredible  obstinacy  was  in  itself  de 
serving  of  immediate  punishment,  and  was  sufficient  proof,  if 
proof  were  necessary,  that  they  were  in  league  with  the  devil, 
who  is  pervcrscness  itself.  But  their  judges  were  just  and 
merciful,  and  were  determined  to  punish  none  that  were  not 
convicted  on  the  best  of  testimony ;  not  that  they  needed  any 
evidence  to  satisfy  their  own  minds,  for,  like  true  and  expe 
rienced  judges,  their  minds  were  perfectly  made  up,  and  they 
were  thoroughly  satisfied  of  the  guilt  of  the  prisoners  before 
they  proceeded  to  try  them  :  but  still  something  was  neces 
sary  to  convince  the  community  at  large — to  quiet  those  pry 
ing  quidnuncs  who  should  come  after  them — in  short,  the 
world  must  be  satisfied.  Oh,  the  world — the  world  ! — all  the 
world  knows  the  world  of  trouble  the  world  is  eternally  occa 
sioning  !  The  worthy  judges,  therefore,  were  driven  to  the 
necessity  of  sifting,  detecting,  and  making  evident  as  noon- 


308  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

day,  matters  which  were  at  the  commencement  all  clearly 
understood  and  firmly  decided  upon  in  their  own  pcricraniums 
— so  that  it  may  truly  be  said,  that  the  witches  were  burnt  to 
gratify  the  populace  of  the  day — but  were  tried  for  the  satis 
faction  of  the  whole  world  that  should  come  after  them  ! 

Finding,  therefore,  that  neither  exhortation,  sound  reason, 
nor  friendly  entreaty  had  any  avail  on  these  hardened  offend 
ers,  they  resorted  to  the  more  urgent  arguments  of  torture ; 
and  having  thus  absolutely  wrung  the  truth  from  their  stub 
born  lips,  they  condemned  them  to  undergo  the  roasting  due 
unto  the  heinous  crimes  they  had  confessed.  Some  even  car 
ried  their  perverseness  so  far  as  to  expire  under  the  torture, 
protesting  their  innocence  to  the  last ;  but  these  were  looked 
upon  as  thoroughly  and  absolutely  possessed  by  the  devil,  and 
the  pious  bystanders  only  lamented  that  they  had  not  lived  a 
little  longer,  to  have  perished  in  the  flames. 

In  the  city  of  Ephcsus,  we  are  told  that  the  plague  wras 
expelled  by  stoning  a  ragged  old  beggar  to  death,  whom 
Apollonius  pointed  out  as  being  the  evil  spirit  that  caused  it, 
and  who  actually  showed  himself  to  be  a  demon,  by  changing 
into  a  shagged  dog.  In  like  manner,  and  by  measures  equally 
sagacious,  a  salutary  check  was  given  to  this  growing  evil. 
The  witches  were  all  burnt,  banished,  or  panic-struck,  and  in 
a  little  while  there  was  not  an  ugly  old  woman  to  be  found 
throughout  New  England — which  is  doubtless  one  reason  why 
all  the  young  women  there  arc  so  handsome.  Those  honest 
folk  who  had  suffered  from  their  incantations  gradually  recov 
ered,  excepting  such  as  had  been  afflicted  with  twitches  and 
aches,  which,  howrever,  assumed  the  less  alarming  aspects  of 
rheumatisms,  sciatics,  and  lumbagos — and  the  good  people  of 


HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK.  309 

New  England,  abandoning  the  study  of  the  occult  sciences, 
turned  their  attention  to  the  more  profitable  hocus  pocus  of 
trade,  and  soon  became  expert  in  the  legerdemain  art  of  turn 
ing  a  penny.  Still,  however,  a  tinge  of  the  old  leaven  is  dis 
cernible,  even  unto  this  day,  in  their  characters — witches  occa 
sionally  start  up  among  them  in  different  disguises,  as  physi 
cians,  civilians,  and  divines.  The  people  at  large  show  a 
keenness,  a  cleverness,  and  a  profundity  of  wisdom,  that 
savors  strongly  of  witchcraft — and  it  has  been  remarked,  that 
whenever  any  stories  fall  from  the  moon,  the  greater  part  of 
them  is  sure  to  tumble  into  New  England ! 


CHAPTER  IX. 

•WHICH  RECORDS  THE  RISE  AND  RENOWN  OP  A  MILITARY  COMMANDER, 
SHOWING  THAT  A  MAN,  LIKE  A  BLADDER,  MAY  BE  PUFFED  UP  TO  GREAT 
NESS  BY  MERE  WIND  ;  TOGETHER  WITH  THE  CATASTROPHE  OK  A  VETERAN 
AND  HIS  QUEUE. 

WHEN  treating  of  these  tempestuous  times  the  unknown 
writer  of  the  Stuy  vesant  manuscript  breaks  out  into  an 
apostrophe  in  praise  of  the  good  St.  Nicholas,  to  whose  pro 
tecting  care  he  ascribes  the  dissensions  which  broke  out  in  the 
council  of  the  league,  and  the  direful  witchcraft  which  filled  all 
Yankee  land  as  with  Egyptian  darkness. 

A  portentous  gloom,  says  he,  hung  lowering  over  the  fair 
valleys  of  the  East :  the  pleasant  banks  of  the  Connecticut  no 
longer  echoed  to  the  sounds  of  rustic  gayety ;  grisly  phan 
toms  glided  about  each  wild  brook  and  silent  glen ;  fearful 
apparitions  were  seen  in  the  air ;  strange  voices  were  heard  in 
solitary  places,  and  the  border  towns  were  so  occupied  in 
detecting  and  punishing  loscl  witches,  that,  for  a  time,  all  talk 
of  war  was  suspended,  and  New  Amsterdam  and  its  inhabi 
tants  seemed  to  be  totally  forgotten. 

I  must  net  conceal  the  fact  that  at  one  time  there  was  some 
danger  of  this  plague  of  witchcraft  extending  into  the  New 
Netherlands ;  and  certain  witches  mounted  on  broomsticks 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  311 

are  said  to  have  been  seen  whisking  in  the  air  over  some  of 
the  Dutch  villages  near  the  borders  ;  but  the  worthy  Neder- 
landers  took  the  precaution  to  nail  horseshoes  to  their  doors, 
which  it  is  well  known  are  effectual  barriers  against  all  diabol 
ical  vermin  of  the  kind.  Many  of  those  horseshoes  may  be 
seen  at  this  very  day  on  ancient  mansions  and  barns  remain 
ing  from  the  days  of  the  patriarchs ;  nay,  the  custom  is  still 
kept  up  among  some  of  our  legitimate  Dutch  yeomanry,  who 
inherit  from  their  forefathers  a  desire  to  keep  witches  and 
Yankees  out  of  the  country. 

And  now  the  great  Peter,  having  no  immediate  hostility  to 
apprehend  from  the  cast,  turned  his  face,  with  characteristic 
vigilance,  to  his  southern  frontiers.  The  attentive  reader  will 
recollect  that  certain  freebooting  Swedes  had  become  very 
troublesome  in  this  quarter  in  the  latter  part  of  the  reign  of 
William  the  Testy,  setting  at  naught  the  proclamations  of  that 
veritable  potentate,  and  putting  his  admiral,  the  intrepid  Jan 
Jansen  Alpendam,  to  a  perfect  nonplus.  To  check  the  incur 
sions  of  these  Swedes,  Peter  Stuyvesant  now  ordered  a  force 
to  that  frontier,  giving  the  command  of  it  to  General  Jacobus 
Van  Poffenburgh,  an  officer  who  had  risen  to  great  importance 
during  the  reign  of  Wilhelmus  Kieft.  lie  had,  if  histories 
speak  true,  been  second  in  command  to  the  doughty  Van  Cur- 
let,  when  he  and  his  warriors  were  inhumanly  kicked  out  of 
Fort  Goed  Hoop  by  the  Yankees.  In  that  memorable  affair 
Van  Poffenburgh  is  said  to  have  received  more  kicks  in  a  cer 
tain  honorable  part,  than  any  of  his  comrades,  in  consequence 
of  which,  on  the  resignation  of  Van  Curlet,  he  had  been  pro 
moted  to  his  place,  being  considered  a  hero  who  had  seen  ser 
vice,  and  suffered  in  his  country's  cause. 


312  IIISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

It  is  tropically  observed  by  honest  old  Socrates,  that 
heaven  infuses  into  some  men  at  their  birth  a  portion  of  intel 
lectual  gold ;  into  others  of  intellectual  silver ;  while  others 
are  intellectually  furnished  with  iron  and  brass.  Of  the  last 
class  was  General  Van  PofFenburgh,  and  it  would  seem  as  if 
dame  Nature,  who  will  sometimes  be  partial,  had  given  him 
brass  enough  for  a  dozen  ordinary  braziers.  All  this  he  had 
contrived  to  pass  off  upon  William  the  Testy,  for  genuine  gold, 
and  the  little  governor  would  sit  for  hours,  and  listen  to  his 
gunpowder  stories  of  exploits,  which  left  those  of  Tirante  the 
White,  Don  Belianis  of  Greece,  or  St.  George  and  the  Dragon 
quite  in  the  background.  Having  been  promoted  by  William 
Kieft  to  the  command  of  his  whole  disposable  forces,  he  gave 
importance  to  his  station  by  the  grandiloquence  of  his  bulle 
tins,  always  styling  himself  Commander-in-chief  of  the  Armies 
of  the  New  Netherlands ;  though  in  sober  truth,  these  armies 
were  nothing  more  than  a  handful  of  hen-stealing,  bottle-bruis 
ing  ragamuffins. 

In  person  he  was  not  very  tall,  but  exceedingly  round  ; 
neither  did  his  bulk  proceed  from  his  being  fat,  but  windy  ; 
being  blown  up  by  a  prodigious  conviction  of  his  own  impor 
tance,  until  he  resembled  one  of  those  bags  of  wind  given  by 
Eolus,  in  an  incredible  fit  of  generosity,  to  that  vagabond  war 
rior,  Ulysses.  His  windy  endowments  had  long  excited  the 
admiration  of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who  is  said  to  have  hinted 
more  than  once  to  William  the  Testy,  that  in  making  Van 
Poffenburgh  a  general  he  had  spoiled  an  admirable  trum 
peter. 

As  it  is  the  practice  in  ancient  story  to  give  the  reader  a 
description  of  the  arms  and  equipments  of  every  noted  war- 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  313 

rior,  I  will  bestow  a  word  upon  the  dress  of  this  redoubtable 
commander.  It  comported  with  his  character,  being  so  crossed 
and  slashed,  and  embroidered  with  lace  and  tinsel,  that  he 
seemed  to  have  as  much  brass  without,  as  nature  had  stored 
away  within.  Tie  was  swathed  too,  in  a  crimson  sash,  of  the 
size  and  texture  of  a  fishing-net ;  doubtless  to  keep  his  swell 
ing  heart  from  bursting  through  his  ribs.  His  face  glowed 
with  furnace  heat  from  between  a  huge  pair  of  well-powdered 
whiskers  ;  and  his  valorous  soul  seemed  ready  to  bounce  out 
of  a  pair  of  large,  glassy,  blinking  eyes,  projecting  like  those 
of  a  lobster. 

I  swear  to  thee,  worthy  reader,  if  history  and  tradition 
belie  not  this  warrior,  I  would  give  all  the  money  in  my 
pocket  to  have  seen  him  accoutred  cap-a-pie — booted  to  the 
middle — sashed  to  the  chin — collared  to  the  ears — whiskered 
to  the  teeth — crowned  with  an  overshadowing  cocked  hat,  and 
girded  with  a  leathern  belt  ten  inches  broad,  from  which 
trailed  a  falchion,  of  a  length  that  I  dare  not  mention.  Thus 
equipped,  he  strutted  about,  as  bitter-looking  a  man  of  war 
as  the  far-flimed  More,  of  More-hall,  when  he  sallied  forth  to 
slay  the  dragon  of  Wantley.  For  what  says  the  ballad  1 

"  Had  you  but  seen  him  in  this  dress, 

How  fierce  he  looked  and  how  big, 
You  would  have  thought  him  for  to  be 

Some  Egyptian  porcupig. 
He  frighted  all — cats,  dogs  and  all, 

Each  cow,  each  horse,  and  each  hog ; 
For  fear  they  did  flee,  for  they  took  him  to  be 

Some  strange  outlandish  hedge-hog."* 

*  Ballad  of  Dragon  of  Wantley. 
14 


314  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

I  must  confess  this  general,  with  all  his  outward  valor  and 
ventosity,  was  not  exactly  an  officer  to  Peter  Stuyvesant's 
taste,  but  he  stood  foremost  in  the  army  list  of  William  the 
Testy,  and  it  is  probable  the  good  Peter,  who  was  conscientious 
in  his  dealings  with  all  men,  and  had  his  military  notions  of 
precedence,  thought  it  but  fair  to  give  him  a  chance  of  prov 
ing  his  right  to  his  dignities. 

To  this  copper  captain,  therefore,  was  confided  the  com 
mand  of  the  troops  destined  to  protect  the  southern  frontier  ; 
and  scarce  had  he  departed  for  his  station  than  bulletins  began 
to  arrive  from  him,  describing  his  undaunted  march  through 
savage  deserts,  over  insurmountable  mountains,  across  impas 
sable  rivers,  and  through  impenetrable  forests,  conquering 
vast  tracts  of  uninhabited  country,  and  encountering  more 
perils  than  did  Xenophon  in  his  far-famed  retreat  with  his  ten 
thousand  Grecians. 

Peter  Stuyvesant  read  all  these  grandiloquent  despatches 
with  a  dubious  screwing  of  the  mouth  and  shaking  of  the 
head ;  but  Antony  Van  Corlear  repeated  these  contents  in  the 
streets  and  market-places  with  an  appropriate  flourish  upon  his 
trumpet,  and  the  windy  victories  of  the  general  resounded 
through  the  streets  of  New  Amsterdam. 

On  arriving  at  the  southern  frontier,  Van  Poffenburgh  pro 
ceeded  to  erect  a  fortress,  or  strong-hold,  on  the  South  or 
Delaware  river.  At  first  he  bethought  him  to  call  it  Fort 
Stuyvesant,  in  honor  of  the  governor,  a  lowly  kind  of  homage 
prevalent  in  our  country  among  speculators,  military  com 
manders,  and  office-seekers  of  all  kinds,  by  which  our  maps 
come  to  be  studded  with  the  names  of  political  patrons  and 
temporary  great  men;  in  the  present  instance,  Van  Poffen- 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  315 

burgh  carried  his  homage  to  the  most  lowly  degree,  giving 
his  fortress  the  name  of  Fort  Casimir,  in  honor,  it  is  said, 
of  a  favorite  pair  of  brimstone  trunk  breeches  of  his  ex 
cellency. 

As  this  fort  will  be  found  to  give  rise  to  important  events, 
it  may  be  worth  while  to  notice  that  it  was  afterwards  called 
Nieuw  Amstel,  and  was  the  germ  of  the  present  flourishing 
town  of  New  Castle,  or,  more  properly  speaking,  No  Castle, 
there  being  nothing  of  the  kind  on  the  premises. 

His  fortress  being  finished,  it  would  have  done  any  man's 
heart  good  to  behold  the  swelling  dignity  with  which  the  gen 
eral  would  stride  in  and  out  a  dozen  times  a  day,  surveying  it 
in  front  and  in  rear ;  on  this  side  and  on  that ;  how  he  would 
strut  backwards  and  forwards,  in  full  regimentals,  on  the  top 
of  the  ramparts  ;  like  a  vain-glorious  cock-pigeon,  swelling 
and  vaporing  on  the  top  of  a  dove-cote. 

There  is  a  kind  of  valorous  spleen  which,  like  wind,  is  apt 
to  grow  unruly  in  the  stomachs  of  newly-made  soldiers,  com 
pelling  them  to  box-lobby  brawls  and  broken-headed  quarrels, 
unless  there  can  be  found  some  more  harmless  way  to  give  it 
vent.  It  is  recorded  in  the  delectable  romance  of  Pierce  For 
est,  that  a  young  knight,  being  dubbed  by  King  Alexander, 
did  incontinently  gallop  into  an  adjacent  forest  and  belabor 
the  trees  with  such  might  and  main,  that  he  not  merely  eased 
off  the  sudden  effervescence  of  his  valor,  but  convinced  the 
whole  court  that  he  was  the  most  potent  and  courageous  cav 
alier  on  the  face  of  the  earth.  In  like  manner  the  commander 
of  Fort  Casimir,  when  he  found  his  martial  spirit  waxing  too 
hot  within  him,  would  sally  forth  into  the  fields  and  lay  about 
him  most  lustily  with  his  sabre ;  decapitating  cabbages  by 


310  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

platoons  ;  hewing  down  lofty  sunflowers,  which  he  termed 
gigantic  Swedes,  and  if,  perchance,  he  espied  a  colony  of  big- 
bellied  pumpkins  quietly  basking  in  the  sun,  "  ah  !  caitiff  Yan 
kees  !  "  would  he  roar,  "  have  I  caught  ye  at  last  ?  "  So  say 
ing,  with  one  sweep  of  his  sword,  he  would  cleave  the  unhappy 
vegetables  from  their  chins  to  their  waistbands ;  by  which 
warlike  havoc,  his  choler  being  in  some  sort  allayed,  he  would 
return  into  the  fortress  with  the  full  conviction  that  he  was  a 
very  miracle  of  military  prowess. 

He  was  a  disciplinarian,  too,  of  the  first  order.  Woe  to 
any  unlucky  soldier  who  did  not  hold  up  his  head  and  turn 
out  his  toes  when  on  parade ;  or,  who  did  not  salute  the  gen 
eral  in  proper  style  as  he  passed.  Having  one  day,  in  his 
bible  researches,  encountered  the  history  of  Absalom  and  his 
melancholy  end,  the  general  bethought  him  that,  in  a  country 
abounding  with  forests,  his  soldiers  were  in  constant  risk  of  a 
like  catastrophe;  he  therefore,  in  an' evil  hour,  issued  orders 
for  cropping  the  hair  of  both  officers  and  men  throughout  the 
garrison. 

Now  so  it  happened,  that  among  his  officers  was  a  sturdy 
veteran  named  Keldermcester ;  who  had  cherished,  through 
a  long  life,  a  mop  of  hair  not  a  little  resembling  the  shag  of  a 
Newfoundland  dog,  terminating  in  a  queue  like  the  handle  of 
a  frying-pan,  and  queued  so  tightly  to  his  head  that  his  eyes 
and  mouth  generally  stood  ajar,  and  his  eyebrows  were  drawn 
up  to  the  top  of  his  forehead.  It  may  naturally  be  supposed 
that  the  possessor  of  so  goodly  an  appendage  would  resist 
with  abhorrence  an  order  condemning  it  to  the  shears.  On 
hearing  the  general  orders,  he  discharged  a  tempest  of  vet 
eran,  soldier-like  oaths,  and  duncler  and  blixums — swore  he 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  317 

would  break  any  man's  head  who  attempted  to  meddle  with 
his  tail — queued  it  stiffer  than  ever,  and  whisked  it  about  the 
garrison  as  fiercely  as  the  tail  of  a  crocodile. 

The  eelskin  queue  of  old  Keldermeester  became  instantly 
an  affair  of  the  utmost  importance.  The  Commander-in-chief 
was  too  enlightened  an  officer  not  to  perceive  that  the  disci 
pline  of  the  garrison,  the  subordination  and  good  order  of  the 
armies  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands,  the  consequent  safety  of  the 
whole  province,  and  ultimately  the  dignity  and  prosperity  of 
their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States  General,  imperiously 
demanded  the  docking  of  that  stubborn  queue.  He  decreed, 
therefore,  that  old  Keldermeester  should  be  publicly  shorn  of 
his  glories  in  presence  of  the  whole  garrison — the  old  man  as 
resolutely  stood  on  the  defensive — whereupon  he  was  arrested, 
and  tried  by  a  court-martial  for  mutiny,  desertion,  and  all  the 
other  list  of  offences  noticed  in  the  articles  of  war,  ending  with 
a  "  videlicet,  in  wearing  an  eelskin  queue,  three  feet  long,  con 
trary  to  orders."  Then  came  on  arraignments,  and  trials, 
and  pleadings  ;  and  the  whole  garrison  was  in  a  ferment  about 
this  unfortunate  queue.  As  it  is  well  known  that  the  com 
mander  of  a  frontier  post  has  the  power  of  acting  pretty  much 
after  his  own  will,  there  is  little  doubt  but  that  the  veteran 
would  have  been  hanged  or  shot  at  least,  had  he  not  luckily 
fallen  ill  of  a  fever,  through  mere  chagrin,  and  mortification — 
and  deserted  from  all  earthly  command,  with  his  beloved 
locks  unviolated.  His  obstinacy  remained  unshaken  to  the 
very  last  moment,  when  he  directed  that  lie  should  be  carried 
to  liis  grave  writh  his  eelskin  queue  sticking  out  of  a  hole  in 
his  coffin. 

This  magnanimous  affair  obtained  the  general  great  credit 


318  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOEK. 

as  a  disciplinarian ;  but  it  is  hinted  that  he  was  ever  after 
wards  subject  to  bad  dreams  and  fearful  visitations  in  the 
night ;  when  the  grizzly  spectrum  of  old  Keldermeester  would 
stand  sentinel  by  his  bedside,  erect  as  a  pump,  his  enormous 
queue  strutting  out  like  the  handle. 


BOOK  VI. 


CONTAINING  THE  SECOND  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER  THE 
HEADSTRONG,  AND  HIS  GALLANT  ACHIEVEMENTS  ON  THE 
DELAWARE. 


CHAPTER  I. 

IN  WHICH  IS  EXHIBITKD  A  WARLIKE  PORTRAIT  OP  THE  GREAT  PETER — OF 
THE  WINDY  CONTEST  OF  GENERAL  VAN  POFFENBURGH  AND  GENERAL 
PRINTZ,  AND  OF  THE  MOSQUITO  WAR  ON  THE  DELAWARE. 

TTITHERTO,  most  venerable  and  courteous  reader,  have  I 
-•*•  shown  thee  the  administration  of  the  valorous  Stuy- 
vesant,  under  the  mild  moonshine  of  peace,  or  rather  the  grim 
tranquillity  of  awful  expectation ;  but  now  the  war  drum 
rumbles  from  afar,  the  brazen  trumpet  brays  its  thrilling 
note,  and  the  rude  crash  of  hostile  arms  speaks  fearful  prophe 
cies  of  coming  troubles.  The  gallant  warrior  starts  from  soft 
repose ;  from  golden  visions,  and  voluptuous  ease  ;  where  in 
the  dulcet,  "  piping  time  of  peace,"  he  sought  sweet  solace 
after  all  his  toils.  No  more  in  beauty's  siren  lap  reclined,  he 
weaves  fair  garlands  for  his  lady's  brows  ;  no  more  entwines 
with  flowers  his  shining  sword,  nor  through  the  livelong  lazy 
summer's  day  chants  forth  his  love-sick  soul  in  madrigals. 
To  manhood  roused,  he  spurns  the  amorous  flute  ;  doffs  from 


3*20  HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

his  brawny  back  the  robe  of  peace,  and  clothes  his  pampered 
limbs  in  panoply  of  steel.  O'er  his  dark  brow,  where  late 
the  myrtle  waved,  where  wanton  roses  breathed  enervate  love, 
he  rears  the  beaming  casque  and  nodding  plume ;  grasps  the 
bright  shield,  and  shakes  the  ponderous  lance ;  or  mounts 
with  eager  pride  his  fiery  steed,  and  burns  for  deeds  of  glorious 
chivalry  ! 

But  soft,  worthy  reader  !  I  would  not  have  you  imagine  that 
any  preux  chevalier,  thus  hideously  begirt  with  iron,  existed  in 
the  city  of  New  Amsterdam.  This  is  but  a  lofty  and  gigan 
tic  mode,  in  which  we  heroic  writers  always  talk  of  war, 
thereby  to  give  it  a  noble  and  imposing  aspect ;  equipping  our 
warriors  with  bucklers,  helms,  and  lances,  and  such  like 
outlandish  and  obsolete  weapons,  the  like  of  which  perchance 
they  had  never  seen  or  heard  of;  in  the  same  manner  that  a 
cunning  statuary  arrays  a  modern  general  or  an  admiral  in 
the  accoutrements  of  a  Caesar  or  an  Alexander.  The  simple 
truth  then  of  all  this  oratorical  nourish  is  this — that  the  val 
iant  Peter  Stuyvesant  all  of  a  sudden  found  it  necessary  to 
scour  his  rusty  blade,  which  too  long  had  rusted  in  its  scab 
bard,  and  prepare  himself  to  undergo  those  hardy  toils  of 
war,  in  which  his  mighty  soul  so  much  delighted. 

Methinks  I  at  this  moment  behold  him  in  my  imagination 
— or  rather.  I  behold  his  goodly  portrait,  which  still  hangs  up 
in  the  family  mansion  of  the  Stuyvesants — arrayed  in  all  the 
terrors  of  a  true  Dutch  general.  His  regimental  coat  of 
German  blue,  gorgeously  decorated  with  a  goodly  show  of 
large  brass  buttons,  reaching  from  his  waistband  to  his  chin  : 
the  voluminous  skirts  turned  up  at  the  corners  and  separating 
gallantly  behind,  so  as  to  display  the  seat  of  a  sumptuous 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  o'2l 

pair  of  brimstone-colored  trunk-breeches — a  graceful  style 
still  prevalent  among  the  warriors  of  our  day,  and  which  is 
in  conformity  to  the  custom  of  ancient  heroes,  who  scorned 
to  defend  themselves  in  rear.  His  face  rendered  exceeding 
terrible  and  warlike  by  a  pair  of  black  mustachios  ;  his  hair 
strutting  out  on  each  side  in  stiffly-pomatumed  ear-locks,  and 
descending  in  a  rat-tail  queue  below  his  waist ;  a  shining  stock 
of  black  leather  supporting  his  chin,  and  a  little  but  fierce 
cocked  hat,  stuck  with  a  gallant  and  fiery  air  over  his  left  eye. 
Such  was  the  chivalric  port  of  Peter  the  Headstrong;  and 
when  he  made  a  sudden  halt,  planted  himself  firmly  on  his 
solid  supporter,  with  his  wooden  leg  inlaid  with  silver  a  little 
in  advance,  in  order  to  strengthen  his  position,  his  right  hand 
grasping  a  gold-headed  cane,  his  left  resting  upon  the  pummel 
of  his  sword,  his  head  dressing  spiritedly  to  the  right,  with  a 
most  appalling  and  hard-favored  frown  upon  his  brow — he 
presented  altogether  one  of  the  most  commanding,  bitter-look 
ing  and  soldier-like  figures  that  ever  strutted  upon  canvas. — 
Proceed  we  now  to  inquire  the  cause  of  this  warlike  prepara 
tion. 

In  the  preceding  chapter  we  have  spoken  of  the  founding 
of  Fort  Casimir,  and  of  the  merciless  warfare  waged  by  its 
commander  upon  cabbages,  sunflowers  and  pumpkins,  for 
want  of  better  occasion  to  flesh  his  sword.  Now  it  came  to 
pass  that  higher  up  the  Delaware,  at  lr>  strong-hold  of  Tinne- 
konk,  resided  one  Jan  Printz,  who  styled  himself  Governor 
of  New  Sweden.  If  history  belie  not  this  redoubtable  Swede, 
he  was  a  rival  worthy  of  the  windy  and  inflated  commander  of 
Fort  Casimir,  for  master  David  Pieterzen  de  Yrie,  in  his  ex 
cellent  book  of  voyages,  describes  him  as  "  weighing  upwards 
14* 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOlUv. 

of  four  hundred  pounds,"  a  huge  feeder  and  bowser  in  propor 
tion,  taking  three  potations  pottle-deep  at  every  meal.  He 
had  a  garrison  after  his  own  heart  at  Tinnekonk,  guzzling, 
deep-drinking  swashbucklers,  who  made  the  wild  woods  ring 
with  their  carousals. 

No  sooner  did  this  robustious  commander  hear  of  the 
erection  of  Fort  Casimir,  than  he  sent  a  message  to  Van 
PofFenburgh,  warning  him  off  the  land,  as  being  within  the 
bounds  of  his  jurisdiction. 

To  this  General  Van  PofFenburgh  replied  that  the  land 
belonged  to  their  High  Mightinesses,  having  been  regularly 
purchased  of  the  natives,  as  discoverers  from  the  Man- 
hattoes,  as  witness  the  breeches  of  their  land  measurer  Ten 
Broeck. 

To  this  the  governor  rejoined  that  the  land  had  previously 
been  sold  by  the  Indians  to  the  Swedes,  and  consequently  was 
under  the  petticoat  government  of  her  Swedish  majesty, 
Christina ;  and  woe  be  to  any  mortal  that  wrore  breeches  Avho 
should  dare  to  meddle  even  with  the  hem  of  her  sacred  gar 
ment. 

I  forbear  to  dilate  upon  the  war  of  words  which  was  kept 
up  for  some  time  by  these  windy  commanders ;  Van  Poffen- 
burgh,  however,  had  served  under  William  the  Testy,  and 
was  a  veteran  in  this  kind  of  warfare.  Governor  Printz,  find 
ing  he  was  not  to  be  dislodged  by  these  long  shots,  now  de 
termined  upon  coming  to  closer  quarters.  Accordingly,  he 
descended  the  river  in  great  force  and  fume,  and  erected  a 
rival  fortress  just  one  Swedish  mile  below  Fort  Casimir,  to 
which  he  gave  the  name  of  Helsenburg. 

And  now  commenced  a  tremendous  rivalry  between  these 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  323 

two  doughty  commanders  ;  striving  to  outstrut  and  outswell 
each  other  like  a  couple  of  belligerent  turkeycocks.  There 
was  a  contest  who  should  fun  up  the  tallest  flag-staff  and  dis 
play  the  broadest  flag  ;  all  day  long  there  was  a  furious  roll 
ing  of  drums  and  twanging  of  trumpets  in  either  fortress,  and, 
whichever  had  the  wind  in  its  favor,  would  keep  up  a  contin 
ual  firing  of  cannon,  to  taunt  its  antagonist  with  the  smell  of 
gunpowder. 

On  all  these  points  of  windy  warfare  the  antagonists 
were  well  matched  ;  but  so  it  happened  that  the  Swedish 
fortress  being  lower  down  the  river,  all  the  Dutch  vessels 
bound  to  Fort  Casimir  with  supplies,  had  to  pass  it.  Gov 
ernor  Printz  at  once  took  advantage  of  this  circumstance,  and 
compelled  them  to  lower  their  flags  as  they  passed  under  the 
guns  of  his  battery. 

This  was  a  deadly  wound  to  the  Dutch  pride  of  General 
Van  PofFenburgh,  and  sorely  would  he  swell  when  from  the 
ramparts  of  Fort  Casimir  he  beheld  the  flag  of  their  High 
Mightinesses  struck  to  the  rival  fortress.  To  heighten  his 
vexation,  Governor  Printz,  who,  as  has  been  shown,  was  a 
huge  trencherman,  took  the  liberty  of  having  the  first  rum 
mage  of  every  Dutch  merchant-ship,  and  securing  to  himself 
and  his  guzzling  garrison  all  the  little  round  Dutch  cheeses, 
all  the  Dutch  herrings,  the  gingerbread,  the  sweatmeats,  the 
curious  stone  jugs  of  gin,  and  all  the  other  Dutch  luxuries,  on 
their  way  for  the  solace  of  Fort  Casimir.  It  is  possible  he 
may  have  paid  to  the  Dutch  skippers  the  full  value  of  their 
commodities,  but  what  consolation  was  this  to  Jacobus  Van 
Poflenburgh  and  his  garrison,  who  thus  found  their  favorite 
supplies  cut  off,  and  diverted  into  the  larders  of  the  hostile 


IIISTOIIY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

camp  1  For  some  time  this  war  of  the  cupboard  was  carried 
on  to  the  great  festivity  and  jollification  of  the  Swedes,  while 
the  warriors  of  Fort  Casimir  found  their  hearts,  or  rather 
their  stomachs,  daily  failing  them.  At  length  the  summer 
heats  and  summer  showers  set  in,  and  now,  lo  and  behold, 
a  great  miracle  was  wrought  for  the  relief  of  the  Nederlum  Is, 
not  a  little  resembling  one  of  the  plagues  of  Egypt ;  for  it 
came  to  pass  that  a  great  cloud  of  mosquitos  arose  out  of 
the  marshy  borders  of  the  river  and  settled  upon  the  fortress 
of  Ilelsenburg,  being,  doubtless,  attracted  by  the  scent  of  the 
fresh  blood  of  these  Swedish  gormandizers.  Nay,  it  is  said 
that  the  body  of  Jan  Printz  alone,  which  was  as  big  and  as 
full  of  blood  as  that  of  a  prize  ox,  was  sufficient  to  attract  the 
mosquitos  from  every  part  of  the  country.  For  some  time 
the  garrison  endeavored  to  hold  out,  but  it  was  all  in  vain  -v 
the  mosquitos  penetrated  into  every  chink  and  crevice,  and 
gave  them  no  rest  day  nor  night ;  and  as  to  Governor  Jan 
Printz,  he  moved  about  as  in  a  cloud,  with  mosquito  music 
in  his  ears,  and  mosquito  stings  to  the  very  end  of  his  nose. 
Finally  the  garrison  was  fairly  driven  out  of  the  fortress,  and 
obliged  to  retreat  to  Tinnekonk ;  nay,  it  is  said  that  the  mos 
quitos  followed  Jan  Printz  even  thither,  and  absolutely  drove 
him  out  of  the  country  ;  certain  it  is,  he  embarked  for  Swe 
den  shortly  afterwards,  and  Jan  Claudius  Risingh  was  sent 
to  govern  New  Sweden  in  his  stead. 

Such  was  the  famous  mosquito  war  on  the  Delaware,  of 
which  General  Van  PofFenburgh  would  fain  have  been  the 
hero  ;  but  the  devout  people  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands  always 
ascribed  the  discomfiture  of  the  Swedes  to  the  miraculous  in 
tervention  of  St.  Nicholas.  As  to  the  fortress  of  Ilclscnburp, 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  325 

it  fell  to  ruin,  but  the  story  of  its  strange  destruction  was 
perpetuated  by  the  Swedish  name  of  Myggen-borg,  that  is  to 
say,  Mosquito  Castle.* 

*  Acrelius'  History  N.  Sweden.  For  some  notice  of  this  miraculous 
discomfiture  of  the  Swedes,  See  N.  Y.  His.  Col.,  new  series,  vol.  1, 
p.  412. 


CHAPTER  II. 


OP    JAN    RISINGH,    HIS    GIANTLY    PERSON    AND    CRAFTY    DEEDS  ;    AND    OF    TITK 
CATASTROPHE    AT    FORT    CASIMIR. 


TAN  CLAUDIUS  RISINGH,  who  succeeded  to  the  com- 
*J  inand  of  New  Sweden,  looms  largely  in  ancient  records 
as  a  gigantic  Swede,  who,  had  he  not  been  rather  knock-kneed 
and  splay-footed,  might  have  served  for  the  model  of  a  Sam 
son  or  a  Hercules.  He  was  no  less  rapacious  than  mighty, 
and,  withal,  as  crafty  as  he  was  rapacious,  so  that  there  is 
very  little  doubt  that,  had  he  lived  some  four  or  five  centuries 
since,  he  would  have  figured  as  one  of  those  wicked  giants, 
who  took  a  cruel  pleasure  in  pocketing  beautiful  princesses 
and  distressed  damsels,  when  gadding  about  the  world,  and 
locking  them  up  in  enchanted  castles,  without  a  toilet,  a 
change  of  linen,  or  any  other  convenience. — In  consequence  of 
which  enormities  they  fell  under  the  high  displeasure  of  chival 
ry,  and  all  true,  loyal,  and  gallant  knights  were  instructed  to 
attack  and  slay  outright  any  miscreant  they  might  happen  to 
find  above  six  feet  high ;  which  is  doubtless  one  reacon  why 
the  race  of  large  men  is  nearly  extinct,  and  the  generations  of 
latter  ages  are  so  exceedingly  small. 

Governor  Risingh,  notwithstanding  his  giantly  condition, 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  327 

was,  as  I  have  hinted,  a  man  of  craft.  He  was  not  a  man  to 
ruffle  the  vanity  of  General  Van  Poffenburgh,  or  to  rub  his 
self-conceit  against  the  grain.  On  the  contrary,  as  he  sailed 
up  the  Delaware,  he  paused  before  Fort  Casimir,  displayed 
his  flag  and  fired  a  royal  salute  before  dropping  anchor.  The 
salute  would  doubtless  have  been  returned,  had  not  the  guns 
been  dismounted ;  as  it  was,  a  veteran  sentinel,  who  had  been 
napping  at  his  post,  and  had  suffered  his  match  to  go  out, 
returned  the  compliment  by  discharging  his  musket  with  the 
spark  of  a  pipe  borrowed  from  a  comrade.  Governor  Risingh 
accepted  this  as  a  courteous  reply,  and  treated  the  fortress  to 
a  second  salute ;  wrell  knowing  its  commander  was  apt  to  be 
marvellously  delighted  with  these  little  ceremonials,  considering 
them  so  many  acts  of  homage  paid  to  his  greatness.  lie  then 
prepared  to  land  with  a  military  retinue  of  thirty  men,  a  pro 
digious  pageant  in  the  wilderness. 

And  now  took  place  a  terrible  rummage  and  racket  in 
Fort  Casimir,  to  receive  such  a  visitor  in  proper  style,  and  to 
make  an  imposing  appearance.  The  main  guard  was  turned 
out  as  soon  as  possible,  equipped  to  the  best  advantage  in  the 
few  suits  of  regimentals,  which  had  to  do  duty  by  turns  with 
the  whole  garrison.  One  tall,  lank  fellow  appeared  in  a  little 
man's  coat,  with  the  buttons  between  his  shoulders  ;  the  skirts 
scarce  covering  his  bottom ;  his  hands  hanging  like  spades  out 
of  the  sleeves  ;  and  the  coat  linked  in  front  by  worsted  loops 
made  out  of  a  pair  of  red  garters.  Another  had  a  cocked  hat 
stuck  on  the  back  of  his  head,  and  decorated  with  a  bunch  of 
cock's  tails ;  a  third  had  a  pair  of  rusty  gaiters  hanging  about 
his  heels — while  a  fourth,  a  little  duck-legged  fellow,  was 
equipped  in  a  pair  of  the  general's  cast-off  breeches,  which  he 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

held  up  with  one  hand  while  he  grasped  his  firelock  with  the 
other.  The  rest  were  accoutred  in  similar  style,  except  three 
ragamuffins  without  shirts,  and  with  but  a  pair  and  a  half  of 
breeches  between  them,  wherefore  they  were  sent  to  the  black 
hole,  to  keep  them  out  of  sight,  that  they  might  not  disgrace 
the  fortress. 

His  men  being  thus  gallantly  arrayed — those  who  lacked 
muskets  shouldering  spades  and  pickaxes,  and  every  man 
being  ordered  to  tuck  in  his  shirt-tail  and  pull  up  his  brogues — 
General  Van  PofFenburgh  first  took  a  sturdy  draught  of  foam 
ing  ale,  which,  like  the  magnanimous  More  of  More-hall,* 
was  his  invariable  practice  on  all  great  occasions  ;  this  done, 
he  put  himself  at  their  head,  and  issued  forth  from  his  castle, 
like  a  mighty  giant,  just  refreshed  with  wine.  But  when  the 
two  heroes  met,  then  began  a  scene  of  warlike  parade  that 
beggars  all  description.  The  shrewd  Risingh,  who  had  grown 
gray  much  before  his  time,  in  consequence  of  his  craftiness, 
saw  at  one  glance  the  ruling  passion  of  the  great  Van  Poffen- 
burgh,  and  humored  him  in  all  his  valorous  fantasies. 

Their  detachments  were  accordingly  drawn  up  in  front  of 
each  other  ;  they  carried  arms  and  they  presented  arms ;  they 
gave  the  standing  salute  and  the  passing  salute ;  they  rolled 
their  drums,  they  flourished  their  fifes,  and  they  waved  their 
colors  ;  they  faced  to  the  left,  and  they  faced  to  the  right,  and 
they  faced  to  the  right  about ;  they  wheeled  forward,  and  they 
wheeled  backward,  and  they  wheeled  into  echellon ;  they 

*  " as  soon  as  he  rose, 


To  make  him  strong  and  mighty, 
He  drank  by  the  tale,  six  pots  of  ale. 
And  a  quart  of  aqua  vitae." 

Dragon  of  Wnntley, 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  329 

marched  and  they  countermarched,  by  grand  divisions,  by 
single  divisions,  and  by  subdivisions  ;  by  platoons,  by  sections, 
and  by  files ;  in  quick  time,  in  slow  time,  and  in  no  time  at 
all ;  for,  having  gone  through  all  the  evolutions  of  two  great 
armies,  including  the  eighteen  manoeuvres  of  Dundas ;  having 
exhausted  all  they  could  recollect  or  imagine  of  military  tactics, 
including  sundry  strange  and  irregular  evolutions,  the  like  of 
which  were  never  seen  before  nor  since,  excepting  among 
certain  of  our  newly-raised  militia,  the  two  commanders  and 
their  respective  troops  came  at  length  to  a  dead  halt,  completely 
exhausted  by  the  toils  of  war.  Never  did  two  valiant  train 
band  captains,  or  two  buskined  theatric  heroes,  in  the  re 
nowned  tragedies  of  Pizarro,  Tom  Thumb,  or  any  other  heroical 
and  fighting  tragedy,  marshal  their  gallows-looking,  duck- 
legged,  heavy-heeled  myrmidons  with  more  glory  and  self- 
admiration. 

These  military  compliments  being  finished,  General  Van 
Poflfenburgh  escorted  his  illustrious  visitor,  with  great  cere 
mony,  into  the  fort ;  attended  him  throughout  the  fortifica 
tions  ;  showed  him  the  horn-works,  crown-works,  half-moons, 
and  various  other  outworks,  or  rather  the  places  were  they 
ought  to  be  erected,  and  where  they  might  be  erected  if  he 
pleased  ;  plainly  demonstrating  that  it  was  a  place  of  "  great 
capability,"  and  though  at  present  but  a  little  redoubt,  yet 
that  it  was  evidently  a  formidable  fortress,  in  embryo.  This 
survey  over,  he  next  had  the  whole  garrison  put  under  arms, 
exercised,  and  reviewed  ;  and  concluded  by  ordering  the  three 
bridewell  birds  to  be  hauled  out  of  the  black  hole,  brought  up 
to  the  halberds,  and  soundly  flogged,  for  the  amusement  of  his 
visitor,  and  to  convince  him  that  he  was  a  great  disciplinarian. 


330  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

The  cunning  Risingh,  while  he  pretended  to  be  struck 
dumb  outright  with  the  puissance  of  the  great  Van  PofTen- 
burgh,  took  silent  note  of  the  incompetency  of  his  garrison, 
of  which  he  gave  a  wink  to  his  trusty  followers,  who  tipped 
each  other  the  wink,  and  laughed  most  obstreperously — in 
their  sleeves. 

The  inspection,  review,  and  flogging  being  concluded,  the 
party  adjourned  to  the  table ;  for  among  his  other  great 
qualities,  the  general  was  remarkably  addicted  to  huge  carou 
sals,  and  in  one  afternoon's  campaign  would  leave  more  dead 
men  on  the  field  than  he  ever  did  in  the  whole  course  of  his 
military  career.  Many  bulletins  of  these  bloodless  victories 
do  still  remain  on  record  ;  and  the  whole  province  was  once 
thrown  in  amaze  by  the  return  of  one  of  his  campaigns ; 
wherein  it  was  stated,  that  though,  like  Captain  Bobadil,  he 
had  only  twenty  men  to  back  him,  yet  in  the  short  space  of 
six  months  he  had  conquered  and  utterly  annihilated  sixty 
oxen,  ninety  hogs,  one  hundred  sheep,  ten  thousand  cabbages, 
one  thousand  bushels  of  potatoes,  one  hundred  and  fifty  kilder 
kins  of  small  beer,  two  thousand  seven  hundred  and  thirty-five 
pipes,  seventy-eight  pounds  of  sugar-plums,  and  forty  bars  of 
iron,  besides  sundry  small  meats,  game,  poultry,  and  garden- 
stuff: — an  achievement  unparalleled  since  the  days  of  Panta- 
gruel  and  his  all-devouring  army,  and  which  showed  that  it 
was  only  necessary  to  let  Van  Poffenburgh  and  his  garrison 
loose  in  an  enemy's  country,  and  in  a  little  while  they  would 
breed  a  famine,  and  starve  all  the  inhabitants. 

No  sooner,  therefore,  had  the  general  received  intimation 
of  the  visit  of  Governor  Risingh,  than  he  ordered  a  great  din 
ner  to  be  prepared  ;  and  privately  sent  out  a  detachment  of 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  331 

his  most  experienced  veterans,  to  rob  all  the  hen-roosts  in  the 
neighborhood,  and  lay  the  pigsties  under  contribution ; — 
a  service  which  they  discharged  with  such  zeal  and  prompti 
tude,  that  the  garrison  table  groaned  under  the  weight  of  their 
spoils. 

I  wish,  with  all  my  heart,  my  readers  could  see  the  valiant 
Van  Poffenburgh,  as  he  presided  at  the  head  of  the  banquet ; 
it  was  a  sight  worth  beholding  : — there  he  sat,  in  his  greatest 
glory,  surrounded  by  his  soldiers,  like  that  famous  wine-bib 
ber,  Alexander,  whose  thirsty  virtues  he  did  most  ably  imitate 
— telling  astonishing  stories  of  his  hair-breadth  adventures 
and  heroic  exploits  ;  at  which,  though  all  his  auditors  knew 
them  to  be  incontinent  lies  and  outrageous  gasconadoes,  yet 
did  they  cast  up  their  eyes  in  admiration,  and  utter  many  in 
terjections  of  astonishment.  Nor  could  the  general  pronounce 
any  thing  that  bore  the  remotest  resemblance  to  a  joke,  but 
the  stout  Risingh  would  strike  his  brawny  fist  upon  the  table 
till  every  glass  rattled  again,  throw  himself  back  in  the  chair, 
utter  gigantic  peals  of  laughter,  and  swear  most  horribly  it 
was  the  best  joke  he  ever  heard  in  his  life. — Thus  all  was  rout 
and  revelry  and  hideous  carousal  within  Fort  Casimir,  and  so 
lustily  did  Van  Poffenburgh  ply  the  bottle,  that  in  less  than 
four  short  hours  he  made  himself  and  his  whole  garrison,  who 
all  sedulously  emulated  the  deeds  of  their  chieftain,  dead 
drunk,  with  singing  songs,  quaffing  bumpers,  and  drinking 
patriotic  toasts,  none  of  which  but  was  as  long  as  a  Welsh 
pedigree  or  a  plea  in  chancery. 

No  sooner  did  things  come  to  this  pass,  than  Risingh  and 
his  Swedes,  who  had  cunningly  kept  themselves  sober,  rose 
on  their  entertainers,  tied  them  neck  and  heels,  and  took  for- 


332 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 


mal  possession  of  the  fort,  and  all  its  dependencies,  in  the 
name  of  Queen  Christina  of  Sweden  ;  administering  at  the 
same  time  an  oath  of  allegiance  to  all  the  Dutch  soldiers  who 
could  be  made  sober  enough  to  swallow  it.  Risingh  then  put 
the  fortification  in  order,  appointed  his  discreet  and  vigilant 
friend  Suen  Schutc,  otherwise  called  Skytte,  a  tall,  wind-dried, 
water-drinking  Swede,  to  the  command,  and  departed,  bearing 
with  him  this  truly  amiable  garrison  and  its  puissant  com 
mander  ;  who,  when  brought  to  himself  by  a  sound  drubbing, 
bore  no  little  resemblance  to  a  "  deboshed  fish,"  or  bloated 
sea-monster,  caught  upon  dry  land. 

The  transportation  of  the  garrison  was  clone  to  prevent 
the  transmission  of  intelligence  to  New  Amsterdam ;  for 
much  as  the  cunning  Risingh  exulted  in  his  stratagem,  yet  did 
he  dread  the  vengeance  of  the  sturdy  Peter  Stuy  vesant ; 
whose  name  spread  as  much  terror  in  the  neighborhood  as  did 
whilom  that  of  the  unconquerable  Scandcrbeg  among  his 
scurvy  enemies  the  Turks. 


CHAFFER  HI. 

SHOWING  IIO\V  PROFOUND  SECRETS  ARE  OFTEN  BROUGHT  TO  LIGHT  J  WITH 
THE  PROCEEDINGS  OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  WHEN  HE  HEARD  OF 
THE  MISFORTUNES  OF  GENERAL  VAN  POFFENBURGH. 

WHOEVER  first  described  common  fame,  or  rumor,  as 
belonging  to  the  sager  sex,  was  a  very  owl  for  shrewd 
ness.  She  has  in  truth  certain  feminine  qualities  to  an  aston 
ishing  degree  ;  particularly  that  benevolent  anxiety  to  take 
care  of  the  affairs  of  others,  which  keeps  her  continually  hunt 
ing  after  secrets,  and  gadding  about  proclaiming  them. 
Whatever  is  done  openly  and  in  the  face  of  the  world,  she 
takes  but  transient  notice  of;  but  whenever  a  transaction  is 
done  in  a  corner,  and  attempted  to  be  shrouded  in  mystery, 
then  her  goddess-ship  is  at  her  wits'  end  to  find  it  out,  and 
takes  a  most  mischievous  and  lady -like  pleasure  in  publishing 
it  to  the  world. 

It  is  this  truly  feminine  propensity  which  induces  her  con 
tinually  to  bo  prying  into  the  cabinets  of  princes,  listening  at 
the  key-holes  of  senate-chambers,  and  peering  through  chinks 
and  crannies,  when  our  worthy  congress  are  sitting  with 
closed  doors,  deliberating  between  a  dozen  excellent  modes 
of  ruining  the  nation.  It  is  this  which  makes  her  so  baneful 
to  all  wary  statesmen  and  intriguing  commanders — such  a 


334:  HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOltK. 

stumbling-block  to  private  negotiations  and  secret  expeditions  ; 
betraying  them  by  means  and  instruments  which  never  would 
have  been  thought  of  by  any  but  a  female  head. 

Thus  it  was  in  the  case  of  the  affair  of  Fort  Casimir.  No 
doubt  the  cunning  Risingh  imagined,  that,  by  securing  the 
garrison,  he  should  for  a  long  time  prevent  the  history  of  its 
fate  from  reaching  the  ears  of  the  gallant  Stuy  vesant ;  but 
his  exploit  was  blown  to  the  world  when  he  least  expected ; 
and  by  one  of  the  last  beings  he  would  ever  have  suspected 
of  enlisting  as  trumpeter  to  the  wide-mouthed  deity. 

This  was  one  Dirk  Schuiler  (or  Skulker),  a  kind  of  hanger- 
on  to  the  garrison,  who  seemed  to  belong  to  nobody,  and  in 
a  manner  to  be  self-outlawed.  lie  was  one  of  those  vagabond 
cosmopolites  who  shark  about  the  world,  as  if  they  had  no 
right  or  business  in  it,  and  who  infest  the  skirts  of  society 
like  poachers  and  interlopers.  Every  garrison  and  country 
village  has  one  or  more  scape-goats  of  this  kind,  whose  life 
is  a  kind  of  enigma,  whose  existence  is  without  motive,  who 
comes  from  the  Lord  knows  where,  who  lives  the  Lord  knows 
how,  and  who  seems  created  for  no  other  earthly  purpose  but 
to  keep  up  the  ancient  and  honorable  order  of  idleness.  This 
vagrant  philosopher  was  supposed  to  have  some  Indian  blood 
in  his  veins,  which  was  manifested  by  a  certain  Indian  com 
plexion  and  cast  of  countenance  ;  but  more  especially  by  his 
propensities  and  habits.  lie  was  a  tall,  lank  fellow,  swift  of 
foot,  and  long-winded.  He  was  generally  equipped  in  a  half 
Indian  dress,  with  belt,  leggings,  and  moccasons.  His  hair 
hung  in  straight  gallows-locks  about  his  ears;  and  added  not 
a  little  to  his  sharking  demeanor.  It  is  an  old  remark,  that 
persons  of  Indian  mixture  are  half  civilized,  half  savage,  and 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  335 

half  devil — a  third  half  being  provided  for  their  particular  con 
venience.  It  is  for  similar  reasons,  and  probably  with  equal 
truth,  that  the  backwoodsmen  of  Kentucky  are  styled  half 
man,  half  horse,  and  half  alligator,  by  the  settlers  on  the  Mis 
sissippi,  and  held  accordingly  in  great  respect  and  abhorrence. 
The  above  character  may  have  presented  itself  to  the  gar-; 
rison  as  applicable  to  Dirk  Schuiler,  whom  they  familiarly 
dubbed  Gallows  Dirk.  Certain  it  is,  he  acknowledged  alle 
giance  to  no  one — was  an  utter  enemy  to  work,  holding  it  in 
no  manner  of  estimation — but  lounging  about  the  fort,  depend 
ing  upon  chance  for  a  subsistence,  getting  drunk  whenever  he 
could  get  liquor,  and  stealing  whatever  he  could  lay  his  hands 
on.  Every  day  or  two  he  was  sure  to  get  a  sound  rib-roast 
ing  for  some  of  his  misdemeanors  ;  which,  however,  as  it 
broke  no  bones,  he  made  very  light  of,  and  scrupled  not  to 
repeat  the  offence  whenever  another  opportunity  presented. 
Sometimes,  in  consequence  of  some  flagrant  villany,  he  would 
abscond  from  the  garrison,  and  be  absent  for  a  month  at  a 
time ;  skulking  about  the  woods  and  swamps,  with  a  long 
fowling-piece  on  his  shouder,  lying  in  ambush  for  game — or 
squatting  himself  down  on  the  edge  of  a  pond  catching  fish 
for  hours  together,  and  bearing  no  little  resemblance  to  that 
notable  bird  of  the  crane  family,  ycleped  the  Mudpoke. 
When  he  thought  his  crimes  had  been  forgotten  or  forgiven, 
he  would  sneak  back  to  the  fort  with  a  bundle  of  skins,  or  a 
load  of  poultry,  which,  perchance,  he  had  stolen,  and  would 
exchange  them  for  liquor,  with  which  having  well  soaked  his 
carcass,  he  would  lie  in  the  sun  and  enjoy  all  the  luxurious  indo 
lence  of  that  swinish  philosopher  Diogenes.  lie  was  the  ter 
ror  of  all  the  farm-yards  in  the  country,  into  which  he  made 


336  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

fearful  inroads ;  and  sometimes  he  would  make  his  sudden 
appearance  in  the  garrison  at  day -break,  with  the  whole  neigh 
borhood  at  his  heels ;  like  the  scoundrel  thief  of  a  fox,  detect 
ed  in  his  maraudings  and  hunted  to  his  hole.  Such  was  this 
Dirk  Schuiler ;  and  from  the  total  indifference  he  showed  to 
the  world  and  its  concerns,  and  from  his  truly  Indian  stoicism 
and  taciturnity,  no  one  would  ever  have  dreamt  that  he  would 
have  been  the  publisher  of  the  treachery  of  Risingh. 

When  the  carousal  was  going  on,  which  proved  so  fatal  to 
the  brave  Poffenburgh  and  his  watchful  garrison,  Dirk  skulk 
ed  about  from  room  to  room,  being  a  kind  of  privileged  va 
grant,  or  useless  hound,  whom  nobody  noticed.  But  though 
a  fellow  of  few  words,  yet,  like  your  taciturn  people,  his  eyes 
and  ears  were  always  open,  and  in  the  course  of  his  prowlings 
he  overheard  the  whole  plot  of  the  Swedes.  Dirk  immedi 
ately  settled  in  his  own  mind  how  he  should  turn  the  matter 
to  his  own  advantage.  He  played  the  perfect  jack-of-both- 
sides — that  is  to  say,  he  made  a  prize  of  every  thing  that  came 
in  his  reach,  robbed  both  parties,  stuck  the  copper-bound 
cocked  hat  of  the  puissant  Van  Poffenburgh  on  his  head, 
whipped  a  huge  pair  of  Risingh's  jack-boots  under  his  arms, 
and  took  to  his  heels,  just  before  the  catastrophe  and  confusion 
at  the  garrison. 

Finding  himself  completely  dislodged  from  his  haunt  in 
this  quarter,  he  directed  his  flight  towards  his  native  place, 
New  Amsterdam,  whence  he  had  formerly  been  obliged  to 
abscond  precipitately,  in  consequence  of  misfortune  in  busi 
ness — that  is  to  say,  having  been  detected  in  the  act  of  sheep- 
stealing.  After  wandering  many  days  in  the  woods,  toiling 
through  swamps,  fording  brooks,  swimming  various  rivers, 


HISTORY    OF    XEW    YOEK.  337 

and  encountering  a  world  of  hardships  that  would  have  killed 
any  other  being  but  an  Indian,  a  backwoodsman,  or  the  devil, 
he  at  length  arrived,  half-famished,  and  lank  as  a  starved 
weasel,  at  Communipaw,  where  he  stole  a  canoe,  and  paddled 
over  to  New  Amsterdam.  Immediately  on  landing,  he  re 
paired  to  Governor  Stuyvesant,  and  in  more  words  than  he 
had  ever  spoken  before  in  the  whole  course  of  his  life,  gave 
an  account  of  the  disastrous  affair. 

On  receiving  these  direful  tidings,  the  valiant  Peter  started 
from  his  seat — dashed  the  pipe  he  was  smoking  against  the 
back  of  the  chimney — thrust  a  prodigious  quid  of  tobacco 
into  his  left  cheek — pulled  up  his  galligaskins,  and  strode  up 
and  down  the  room,  humming,  as  was  customary  with  him 
when  in  a  passion,  a  hideous  northwest  ditty.  But,  as  I  have 
before  shown,  he  was  not  a  man  to  vent  his  spleen  in  idle  va 
poring.  His  first  measure,  after  the  paroxysm  of  wrath  had 
subsided,  was  to  stump  up-stairs  to  a  huge  wooden  chest, 
which  served  as  his  armory,  from  whence  he  drew  forth  that 
identical  suit  of  regimentals  described  in  the  preceding  chap 
ter.  In  these  portentous  habiliments  he  arrayed  himself,  like 
Achilles  in  the  armor  of  Vulcan,  maintaining  all  the  while  an 
appalling  silence,  knitting  his  brows,  and  drawing  his  breath 
through  his  clenched  teeth.  Being  hastily  equipped,  he  strode 
down  into  the  parlor  and  jerked  down  his  trusty  sword  from 
over  the  fireplace,  where  it  was  usually  suspended  ;  but  before 
lie  girded  it  on  his  thigh,  he  drew  it  from  its  scabbard,  and  as 
his  eye  coursed  along  the  rusty  blade,  a  grim  smile  stole  over 
his  iron  visage — it  was  the  first  smile  that  had  visited  his 
countenance  for  five  long  weeks  ;  but  every  one  who  beheld  it 
prophesied  that  there  would  soon  be  warm  work  in  the  province ! 
15 


338  HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

Thus  armed  at  all  points,  with  grisly  war  depicted  in  each 
feature,  his  very  cocked  hat  assuming  an  air  of  uncommon  de 
fiance,  he  instantly  put  himself  upon  the  alert,  and  despatched 
Antony  Van  Corlcar  hither  and  thither,  this  way  and  that 
way,  through  all  the  muddy  streets  and  crooked  lanes  of  the 
city,  summoning  by  sound  of  trumpet  his  trusty  peers  to  as 
semble  in  instant  council. — This  done,  by  way  of  expediting 
matters,  according  to  the  custom  of  people  in  a  hurry,  he 
kept  in  continual  bustle,  shifting  from  chair  to  chair,  popping 
his  head  out  of  every  window,  and  stumping  up  and  down 
stairs  with  his  wooden  leg  in  such  brisk  and  incessant  motion, 
that,  as  we  are  informed  by  an  authentic  historian  of  the 
times,  the  continual  clatter  bore  no  small  resemblance  to  tho 
music  of  a  cooper  hooping  a  flour-barrel. 

A  summons  so  peremptory,  and  from  a  man  of  the  gov 
ernor's  mettle,  was  not  to  be  trifled  with  :  the  sages  forthwith 
repaired  to  the  council-chamber,  seated  themselves  with  the 
utmost  tranquillity,  and  lighting  their  long  pipes,  gazed  with 
unruffled  composure  on  his  excellency  and  his  regimentals  ; 
being,  as  all  counsellors  should  be,  not  easily  flustered,  nor 
taken  by  surprise.  The  governor,  looking  around  for  a  mo 
ment  with  a  lofty  and  soldier-like  air,  and  resting  one  hand  on 
the  pommel  of  his  sword,  and  flinging  the  other  forth  in  a  free 
and  spirited  manner,  addressed  them  in  a  short  but  soul-stir 
ring  harangue. 

I  am  extremely  sorry  that  I  have  not  the  advantages  of 
Livy,  Thucydides,  Plutarch,  and  others  of  my  predecessors, 
who  were  furnished,  as  I  am  told,  with  the  speeches  of  all 
their  heroes,  taken  down  in  short  hand  by  the  most  accurate 
stenographers  of  the  time  ;  whereby  they  were  enabled  won- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  339 

derfully  to  enrich  their  histories,  and  delight  their  readers 
with  sublime  strains  of  eloquence.  Not  having  such  impor 
tant  auxiliaries,  I  cannot  possibly  pronounce  what  was  the 
tenor  of  Governor  Stuy vesant's  speech.  I  am  bold,  however, 
to  say,  from  the  tenor  of  his  character,  that  he  did  not  wrap 
his  rugged  subject  in  silks  and  ermines,  and  other  sickly  trick 
eries  of  phrase ;  but  spoke  forth  like  a  man  of  nerve  and 
vigor,  who  scorned  to  shrink  in  words  from  those  dangers 
which  he  stood  ready  to  encounter  in  very  deed.  This  much 
is  certain,  that  he  concluded  by  announcing  his  determination 
to  lead  on  his  troops  in  person,  and  rout  these  costard-monger 
Swedes  from  their  usurped  quarters  at  Fort  Casimir.  To  this 
hardy  resolution,  such  of  his  council  as  were  awake  gave  their 
usual  signal  of  concurrence  ;  and  as  to  the  rest,  who  had  fallen 
asleep  about  the  middle  of  the  harangue  (their  "  usual  custom 
in  the  afternoon  "),  they  made  not  the  least  objection. 

And  now  was  seen  in  the  fair  city  of  New  Amsterdam  a 
prodigious  bustle  and  preparation  for  iron  Avar.  Recruiting 
parties  marched  hither  and  thither,  calling  lustily  upon  all  the 
scrubs,  the  runagates,  and  tatterdemalions  of  the  Manhattoes 
and  its  vicinity,  who  had  any  ambition  of  sixpence  a  day,  and 
immortal  fame  into  the  bargain,  to  enlist  in  the  cause  of  glory  : 
— for  I  would  have  you  note  that  your  warlike  heroes  who 
trudge  in  the  rear  of  conquerors  are  generally  of  that  illustri 
ous  class  of  gentlemen,  who  arc  equal  candidates  for  the  army 
or  the  bridewell — the  halberds  or  the  whipping-post — for 
whom  Dame  Fortune  has  cast  an  even  die,  whether  they  shall 
make  their  exit  by  the  sword  or  the  halter — and  whose  deaths 
shall,  at  all  events,  be  a  lofty  example  to  their  countrymen. 
But,  notwithstanding  all  this  martial  rout  and  invitation, 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

the  ranks  of  honor  were  but  scantily  supplied  ;  so  averse 
were  the  peaceful  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam  from  enlist 
ing  in  foreign  broils,  or  stirring  beyond  that  home,  which 
rounded  all  their  earthly  ideas.  Upon  beholding  this,  the 
great  Peter,  whose  noble  heart  was  all  on  fire  with  war  and 
sweet  revenge,  determined  to  wait  no  longer  for  the  tardy  as 
sistance  of  these  oily  citizens,  but  to  muster  up  his  merry 
men  of  the  Hudson,  who,  brought  up  among  woods,  and  wilds, 
and  savage  beasts,  like  our  yeomen  of  Kentucky,  delighted  in 
nothing  so  much  as  desperate  adventures  and  perilous  expedi 
tions  through  the  wilderness.  Thus  resolving,  he  ordered  his 
trusty  squire  Antony  Van  Corlear  to  have  his  state  galley  pre 
pared  and  duly  victualled ;  which  being  performed,  he  attend 
ed  public  service  at  the  great  church  of  St.  Nicholas,  like  a 
true  and  pious  governor ;  and  then  leaving  peremptory  orders 
with  his  council  to  have  the  chivalry  of  the  Manhattoes  mar 
shalled  out  and  appointed  against  his  return,  departed  upon  his 
recruiting  voyage  up  the  waters  of  the  Hudson. 


CHAPTER  IY. 

CONTAINING    PETER    STUYYESAXl's    VOYAGE     UP     THE     HUDSON,    AND     THE 
WONDERS    AND    DELIGHTS    OF    THAT    RENOWNED    RIVER. 

NOW  did  the  soft  breezes  of  the  south  steal  sweetly  over 
the  face  of  nature,  tempering  the  panting  heats  of -sum 
mer  into  genial  and  prolific  warmth ;  when  that  miracle  of 
hardihood  and  chivalric  virtue,  the  dauntless  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant,  spread  his  canvas  to  the  wind,  and  departed  from  the  fair 
island  of  Manna-hata.  The  galley  in  which  he  embarked  was 
sumptuously  adorned  with  pendants  and  streamers  of  gor 
geous  dyes,  which  fluttered  gayly  in  the  wind,  or  drooped 
their  ends  into  the  bosom  of  the  stream.  The  bow  and  poop 
of  this  majestic  vessel  were  gallantly  bedight,  after  the  rarest 
Dutch  fashion,  with  figures  of  little  pursy  Cupids  with  peri 
wigs  on  their  heads,  and  bearing  in  their  hands  garlands  of 
flowers,  the  like  of  which  arc  not  to  be  found  in  any  book  of 
botany  ;  being  the  matchless  flowers  which  flourished  in  the 
golden  age,  and  exist  no  longer,  unless  it  be  in  the  imagina 
tions  of  ingenious  carvers  of  wood  and  discolorers  of  canvas. 
Thus  rarely  decorated,  in  style  befitting  the  puissant  po 
tentate  of  the  Manhattoes,  did  the  galley  of  Peter  Stuyvesant 
launch  forth  upon  the  bosom  of  the  lordly  Hudson,  which,  as 


-^  H1STOKY    OK    NEW    YOKK. 

it  rolled  its  broad  waves  to  the  ocean,  seemed  to  pause  for  a 
while  and  swell  with  pride,  as  if  conscious  of  the  illustrious 
burthen  it  sustained. 

But  trust  me,  gentlefolk,  far  other  was  the  scene  presented 
to  the  contemplation  of  the  crew  from  that  which  may  be 
witnessed  at  this  degenerate  day.  Wildness  and  savage  maj 
esty  reigned  on  the  borders  of  this  mighty  river — the  hand 
of  cultivation  had  not  as  yet  laid  low  the  dark  forest,  and 
tamed,  the  features  of  the  landscape — nor  had  the  frequent  sail 
of  commerce  broken  in  upon  the  profound  and  awful  solitude 
of  ages.  Here  and  there  might  be  seen  a  rude  wigwam 
perched  among  the  cliffs  of  the  mountains  with  its  curling 
column  of  smoke  mounting  in  the  transparent  atmosphere — 
but  so  loftily  situated  that  the  whoopings  of  the  savage  chil 
dren,  gambolling  on  the  margin  of  the  dizzy  heights,  fell  al 
most  as  faintly  on  the  ear  as  do  the  notes  of  the  lark,  when 
lost  in  the  azure  vault  of  heaven.  Now  and  then,  from  the 
beetling  brow  of  some  precipice,  the  wild  deer  would  look 
timidly  down  upon  the  splendid  pageant  as  it  passed  below  ; 
and  then,  tossing  his  antlers  in  the  air,  would  bound  away  into 
the  thickest  of  the  forest. 

Through  such  scenes  did  the  stately  vessel  of  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  pass.  Now  did  they  skirt  the  bases  of  the  rocky 
heights  of  Jersey,  which  spring  up  like  everlasting  walls, 
reaching  from  the  waves  unto  the  heavens,  and  were  fashion 
ed,  if  tradition  may  be  believed,  in  times  long  past,  by  the 
mighty  spirit  Manetho,  to  protect  his  favorite  abodes  from 
the  unhallowed  eyes  of  mortals.  Now  did  they  career  it  gay- 
ly  across  the  vast  expanse  of  Tappan  Bay,  whose  wide-extend 
ed  shores  present  a  variety  of  delectable  scenery — here  the 


UlSTOliY    01-     ^sKW    YORK.  343 


bold  promontory,  crowned  with  embowering  trees,  advancing 
into  the  bay-  —  there  the  long  woodland  slope,  sweeping  up 
from  the  shore  in  rich  luxuriance,  and  terminating  in  the  up 
land  precipice  —  while  at  a  distance  a  long  waving  line  of  rocky 
heights  threw  their  gigantic  shades  across  the  water.  Now 
would  they  pass  where  some  modest  little  interval,  opening 
among  these  stupendous  scenes,  yet  retreating  as  it  were  for 
protection  into  the  embraces  of  the  neighboring  mountains, 
displayed  a  rural  paradise,  fraught  with  sweet  and  pastoral 
beauties  ;  the  velvet-tufted  lawn  —  the  bushy  copse  —  the  tink 
ling  rivulet,  stealing  through  the  fresh  and  vivid  verdure  —  on 
whose  banks  was  situated  some  little  Indian  village,  or,  perad- 
venture,  the  rude  cabin  of  some  solitary  hunter. 

The  different  periods  of  the  revolving  day  seemed  each, 
with  cunning  magic,  to  diffuse  a  different  charm  over  the 
scene.  Now  would  the  jovial  sun  break  gloriously  from  the 
east,  blazing  from  the  summits  of  the  hills,  and  sparkling  the 
landscape  with  a  thousand  dewy  gems  ;  while  along  the  bor 
ders  of  the  river  were  seen  the  heavy  masses  of  mist,  which, 
like  midnight  caitiffs  disturbed  at  his  approach,  made  a  slug 
gish  retreat,  rolling  in  sullen  reluctance  up  the  mountains. 
At  such  times  all  was  brightness,  and  life,  and  gayety  —  the 
atmosphere  was  of  an  indescribable  pureness  and  transparency 
—  the  birds  broke  forth  in  wanton  madrigals,  and  the  freshen 
ing  breezes  wafted  the  vessel  merrily  on  her  course.  But 
when  the  sun  sunk  amid  a  flood  of  glory  in  the  west,  mantling 
the  heavens  and  the  earth  with  a  thousand  gorgeous  dyes  — 
then  all  was  calm,  and  silent,  and  magnificent.  The  late 
swelling  sail  hung  lifelessly  against  the  mast  —  the  seaman, 
with  folded  arms,  leaned  against  the  shrouds,  lost  in  that  in- 


344  IllSTOliY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

voluntary  musing  which  the  sober  grandeur  of  nature  com 
mands  in  the  rudest  of  her  children.  ,  The  vast  bosom  of  the 
Hudson  was  like  an  unruffled  mirror,  reflecting  the  golden 
splendor  of  the  heavens,  excepting  that  now  and  then  a  bark 
canoe  would  steal  across  its  surface,  filled  with  painted  sav 
ages,  whose  gay '  feathers  glared  brightly,  as  perchance  a  lin 
gering  ray  of  the  setting  sun  gleamed  upon  them  from  the 
western  mountains. 

But  when  the  hour  of  twilight  spread  its  majestic  mists 
around,  then  did  the  face  of  nature  assume  a  thousand  fugitive 
charms,  which  to  the  worthy  heart  that  seeks  enjoyment  in 
the  glorious  works  of  its  Maker  arc  inexpressibly  captivating. 
The  mellow  dubious  light  that  prevailed  just  served  to  tinge 
writh  illusive  colors  the  softened  features  of  the  scenery.  The 
deceived  but  delighted  eye  sought  vainly  to  discern  in  the 
broad  masses  of  shade,  the  separating  line  between  the  land 
and  water ;  or  to  distinguish  the  fading  objects  that  seemed 
sinking  into  chaos.  Now  did  the  busy  fancy  supply  the 
feebleness  of  vision,  producing  with  industrious  craft  a  fairy 
creation  of  her  own.  Under  her  plastic  wand  the  barren 
rocks  frowned  upon  the  watery  waste,  in  the  semblance  of 
lofty  towers,  and  high  embattled  castles — trees  assumed  the 
direful  forms  of  mighty  giants,  and  the  inaccessible  summits 
of  the  mountains  seemed  peopled  with  a  thousand  shadowy 
beings. 

Now  broke  forth  from  the  shores  the  notes  of  an  innumer 
able  variety  of  insects,  which  filled  the  air  Avi<h  a  strange  but 
not  inharmonious  concert — while  ever  and  anon  was  heard 
the  melancholy  plaint  of  the  Whip-poor-will,  who,  perched  on 
some  lone  tree,  wearied  the  ear  of  night  with  his  incessant 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YOKK.  345 

meanings.  The  mind,  soothed  into  a  hallowed  melancholy, 
listened  with  pensive  stillness  to  catch  and  distinguish  each 
sound  that  vaguely  echoed  from  the  shore — now  and  then 
startled  perchance  by  the  whoop  of  some  straggling  savage, 
or  by  the  dreary  howl  of  a  wolf,  stealing  forth  upon  his  night 
ly  prowlings. 

Thus  happily  did  they  pursue  their  course,  until  they  en 
tered  upon  those  awful  denies  denominated  THE  HIGHLANDS, 
where  it  would  seem  that  the  gigantic  Titans  had  erst  waged 
their  impious  war  with  heaven,  piling  up  cliffs  on  cliffs,  and 
hurling  vast  masses  of  rock  in  wild  confusion.  But  in  sooth 
very  different  is  the  histpry  of  these  cloud-capt  mountains. — 
These  in  ancient  days,  before  the  Hudson  poured  its  waters 
from  the  lakes,  formed  one  vast  prison,  within  whose  rocky 
bosom  the  omnipotent  Manetho  confined  the  rebellious  spirits 
who  repined  at  his  control.  Here,  bound  in  adamantine 
chains,  or  jammed  in  rifted  pines,  or  crushed  by  ponderous 
rocks,  they  groaned  for  many  an  age. — At  length  the  conquer 
ing  Hudson,  in  its  career  towards  the  ocean,  burst  open  their 
prison-house,  rolling  its  tide  triumphantly  through  the  stupen 
dous  ruins. 

Still,  however,  do  many  of  them  lurk  about  their  old  abodes, 
and  these  it  is,  according  to  venerable  legends,  that  cause  the 
echoes  which  resound  throughout  these  awful  solitudes ; 
which  are  nothing  but  their  angry  clamors  when  any  noise 
disturbs  the  profoundness  of  their  repose. — For  when  the  ele 
ments  are  agitated  by  tempest,  when  the  winds  are  up  and  the 
thunder  rolls,  then  horrible  is  the  yelling  and  howling  of  these 
troubled  spirits,  making  the  mountains  to  rebellow  with  their 
hideous  uproar  ;  for  at  such  times  it  is  said  that  they  think  the 
15* 


346  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

great  Manetho  is  returning  once  more  to  plunge  them  in 
gloomy  caverns,  and  renew  their  intolerable  captivity. 

But  all  these  fair  and  glorious  scenes  were  lost  upon  the 
gallant  Stuyvesant ;  naught  occupied  his  mind  but  thoughts 
of  iron  war,  and  proud  anticipations  of  hardy  deeds  of  arms. 
Neither  did  his  honest  crew  trouble  their  heads  with  any 
romantic  speculations  of  the  kind.  The  pilot  at  the  helm 
quietly  smoked  his  pipe,  thinking  of  nothing  either  past,  pres 
ent,  or  to  come — those  of  his  comrades  who  were  not  indus 
triously  smoking  under  the  hatches  were  listening  with  open 
mouths  to  Antony  Van  Corlear  ;  who,  seated  on  the  windlass, 
was  relating  to  them  the  marvellous  history  of  those  myriads 
of  fireflies,  that  sparkled  like  gems  and  spangles  upon  the 
dusky  robe  of  night.  These,  according  to  tradition,  were 
originally  a  race  of  pestilent  sempiternous  beldames,  who 
peopled  these  parts  long  before  the  memory  of  man ;  being 
of  that  abominated  race  emphatically  called  brimstones;  and 
who,  for  their  innumerable  sins  against  the  children  of  men, 
and  to  furnish  an  awful  warning  to  the  beauteous  sex,  were 
doomed  to  infest  the  earth  in  the  shape  of  these  threatening 
and  terrible  little  bugs ;  enduring  the  internal  torments  of 
that  fire,  which  they  formerly  carried  in  their  hearts  and 
breathed  forth  in  their  words  ;  but  now  are  sentenced  to  bear 
about  forever — in  their  tails  ! 

And  now  I  am  going  to  tell  a  fact,  which  I  doubt  much 
my  readers  will  hesitate  to  believe  ;  but  if  they  do,  they  are 
welcome  not  to  believe  a  word  in  this  whole  history— for 
nothing  which  it  contains  is  more  true.  It  must  be  known 
then  that  the  nose  of  Antony  the  Trumpeter  was  of  a  very 
lusty  size,  strutting  boldly  from  his  countenance  like  a  moun- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  347 

tain  of  Golconda ;  being  sumptuously  bedecked  with  rubies 
and  other  precious  stones — the  true  regalia  of  a  king  of  good 
fellows,  which  jolly  Bacchus  grants  to  all  who  bouse  it  hearti 
ly  at  the  flagon.  Now  thus  it  happened,  that  bright  and  early 
in  the  morning,  the  good  Antony,  having  washed  his  burly 
visage,  was  leaning  over  the  quarter  railing  of  the  galley,  con 
templating  it  in  the  glassy  wave  below. — Just  at  this  moment 
the  illustrious  sun,  breaking  in  all  its  splendor  from  behind  a 
high  bluff  of  the  highlands,  did  dart  one  of  his  most  potent 
beams  full  upon  the  refulgent  nose  of  the  sounder  of  brass — 
the  reflection .  of  which  shot  straightway  down,  hissing  hot, 
into  the  water,  and  killed  a  mighty  sturgeon  that  was  sport 
ing  beside  the  vessel !  This  huge  monster  being  with  infinite 
labor  hoisted  on  board,  furnished  a  luxurious  repast  to  all 
the  crew,  being  accounted  of  excellent  flavor,  excepting  about 
the  wound,  where  it  smacked  a  little  of  brimstone — and  this, 
on  my  veracity,  was  the  first  time  that  ever  sturgeon  was  eaten 
in  these  parts  by  Christian  people.'" 

When  this  astonishing  miracle  came  to  be  made  known  to 
Peter  Stuyvesant,  and  that  he  tasted  of  the  unknown  fish,  he,  as 
may  well  be  supposed,  marvelled  exceedingly  ;  and  as  a  mon 
ument  thereof,  he  gave  the  name  of  Antomfs  Nose  to  a  stout 
promontory  in  the  neighborhood — and  it  has  continued  to  be 
called  Antony's  Nose  ever  since  that  time. 

But  hold  :  whither  am  I  wandering  ?  By  the  mass,  if  I 
attempt  to  accompany  the  good  Peter  Stuyvesant  on  this 

*  The  learned  Hans  Megapolensis,  treating  of  the  country  about 
Albany,  in  a  letter  which  was  written  sometime  after  the  settlement, 
says  :  "  There  is  in  the  river  great  plenty  of  sturgeon,  which  we  Chris 
tians  do  not  make  use  of,  but  the  Indians  eat  them  greedily." 


348  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

voyage,  I  shall  never  make  an  end ;  for  never  was  there  a 
voyage  so  fraught  with  marvellous  incidents,  nor  a  river  so 
abounding  with  transcendent  beauties,  worthy  of  being  sever 
ally  recorded.  Even  now  I  have  it  on  the  point  of  my  pen 
to  relate  how  his  crew  were  most  horribly  frightened,  on 
going  on  shore  above  the  highlands,  by  a  gang  of  merry 
roistering  devils,  frisking  and  curveting  on  a  flat  rock,  which 
projected  into  the  river — and  which  is  called  the  DuyveTs 
Dans-learner  to  this  very  day. — But  no  !  Died  rich  Knicker 
bocker — it  becomes  thee  not  to  idle  thus  in  thy  historic  way 
faring. 

Recollect  that  while  dwelling  with  the  fond  garrulity  of 
age  over  these  fairy  scenes,  endeared  to  thee  by  the  recollec 
tions  of  thy  youth,  and  the  charms  of  a  thousand  legendary 
tales,  which  beguiled  the  simple  ear  of  thy  childhood ;  recol 
lect  that  thou  art  trifling  with  those  fleeting  moments  which 
should  be  devoted  to  loftier  themes. — Is  not  Time — relentless 
Time  !  shaking,  with  palsied  hand,  his  almost  exhausted  hour 
glass  before  thee  ? — hasten  then  to  pursue  thy  weary  task,  lest 
the  last  sands  be  run  ere  thou  hast  finished  thy  history  of  the 
Manhattoes. 

Let  us,  then,  commit  the  dauntless  Peter,  his  brave  galley, 
and  his  loyal  crew,  to  the  protection  of  the  blessed  St.  Nicho 
las  ;  who,  I  have  no  doubt,  will  prosper  him  in  his  voyage, 
while  we  await  his  return  at  the  great  city  of  New  Amster 
dam. 


CHAPTER  Y. 

DESCRIBING   THE    POWERFUL    ARMY  THAT  ASSEMBLED    AT   THE    CITY    OF    NEW 

AMSTERDAM TOGETHER   WITH     THE     INTERVIEW    BETWEEN     PETER     THE 

HEADSTRONG    AND    GENERAL    TON     POFFENBURGH,    AND     PETER'S    SENTI 
MENTS   TOUCHING   UNFORTUNATE    GREAT   MEN. 

WHILE  thus  the  enterprising  Peter  was  coasting,  with 
flowing  sail,  up  the  shores  of  the  lordly  Hudson,  and 
arousing  all  the  phlegmatic  little  Dutch  settlements  upon  its 
borders,  a  great  and  puissant  concourse  of  warriors  was  as 
sembling  at  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam.  And  here  that  in 
valuable  fragment  of  antiquity,  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript, 
is  more  than  commonly  particular  ;  by  which  means  I  am  en 
abled  to  record  the  illustrious  host  that  encamped  itself  in  the 
public  square  in  front  of  the  fort,  at  present  denominated  the 
Bowling  Green. 

In  the  centre,  then,  was  pitched  the  tent  of  the  men  of 
battle  of  the  Manhattoes,  who  being  the  inmates  of  the  me 
tropolis,  composed  the  lifeguards  of  the  governor.  These 
were  commanded  by  the  valiant  Stoflol  Brinkerhoof,  who 
whilom  had  acquired  such  immortal  fame  at  Oyster  Bay — 
they  displayed  as  a  standard  a  beaver  rampant  on  a  field  of 
orange ;  being  the  arms  of  the  province,  and  denoting  the 


350  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

persevering  industry  and  the  amphibious  origin  of  the  Neder- 
landers.* 

On  their  right  hand  might  be  seen  the  vassals  of  that  re 
nowned  Mynheer,  Michael  Paw,f  who  lorded  it  over  the  fair 
regions  of  ancient  Pavonia,  and  the  lands  away  south  even 
unto  the  Navesink  mountains,!  and  was  moreover  patroon  of 
Gibbet  Island.  His  standard  was  borne  by  his  trusty  squire, 
Cornelius  Van  Vorst ;  consisting  of  a  huge  oyster  recumbent 
upon  a  sea-green  field  ;  being  the  armorial  bearings  of  his  fa 
vorite  metropolis,  Communipaw.  He  brought  to  the  camp 
a  stout  force  of  warriors,  heavily  armed,  being  each  clad  in 
ten  pair  of  linsey-woolsey  breeches,  and  overshadowed  by 
broad-brimmed  beavers,  with  short  pipes  twisted  in  their  hat 
bands.  These  were  the  men  who  vegetated  in  the  mud  along 
the  shores  of  Pavonia ;  being  of  the  race  of  genuine  copper 
heads,  and  were  fabled  to  have  sprung  from  oysters. 

At  a  little  distance  was  encamped  the  tribe  of  warriors 
who  came  from  the  neighborhood  of  Hell-gate.  These  were 
commanded  by  the  Suy  Dams,  and  the  Van  Dams,  inconti 
nent  hard  swearers,  as  their  names  betoken — they  were  terri- 

*  This  was  likewise  the  great  seal  of  the  New  Netherlands,  as  may 
still  be  seen  in  ancient  records. 

f  Besides  what  is  related  in  the  Stuyvesant  MS.  I  have  found  mention 
made  of  this  illustrious  patroon  in  another  manuscript,  which  says  :  "  De 
Heer  (or  the  squire)  Michael  Paw,  a  Dutch  subject,  about  10th  Aug. 
1630,  by  deed  purchased  Staten  Island.  N.  B.  The  same  Michael  Paw 
had  what  the  Dutch  call  a  colonie  at  Pavonia,  on  the  Jersey  shore,  oppo 
site  New  York,  and  his  overseer  in  1636  was  named  Corns.  Van  Vorst — 
a  person  of  the  same  name  in  1769,  owned  Pawles  Hook,  and  a  large 
farm  at  Pavonia,  and  is  a  lineal  descendant  from  Van  Vorst." 

\  So  called  from  the  Navesink  tribe  of  Indians  that  inhabited  these 
parts — at  present  they  are  erroneously  denominated  the  Neversink,  or 
Neversunk  mountains. 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  351 

ble  looking  fellows,  clad  in  broad-skirted  gaberdines,  of  that 
curious  colored  cloth  called  thunder  and  lightning — and  bore 
as  a  standard  three  Devil's  darning-needles,  volant,  in  a  flame- 
colored  field. 

Hard  by  was  the  tent  of  the  men  of  battle  from  the 
marshy  borders  of  the  Waale-Boght*  and  the  country  there 
abouts — these  were  of  a  sour  aspect,  by  reason  that  they 
lived  on  crabs,  which  abound  in  these  parts.  They  were  the 
first  institutors  of  that  honorable  order  of  knighthood,  called 
Fty-market  shirks,  and  if  tradition  speak  true,  did  likewise 
introduce  the  far-famed  step  in  dancing,  called  "  double  trouble." 
They  were  commanded  by  the  fearless  Jacobus  Varra  Vanger, 
and  had,  moreover,  a  jolly  band  of  Breuckelenf  ferry-men, 
who  performed  a  brave  concerto  on  conch  shells. 

But  I  refrain  from  pursuing  this  minute  description,  which 
goes  on  to  describe  the  warriors  of  Bloemen-dael,  and  Wee- 
hawk,  and  Hoboken,  and  sundry  other  places,  well  known  in 
history  and  song — for  now  do  the  notes  of  martial  music  alarm 
the  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  sounding  afar  from  beyond 
the  walls  of  the  city.  But  this  alarm  was  in  a  little  while  re 
lieved,  for  lo,  from  the  midst  of  a  vast  cloud  of  dust,  they 
recognized  the  brimstone-colored  breeches  and  splendid  silver 
leg  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  glaring  in  the  sunbeams  ;  and  beheld 
him  approaching  at  the  head  of  a  formidable  army,  which  he 
had  mustered  along  the  banks  of  the  Hudson.  And  here  the 
excellent  but  anonymous  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  manu 
script  breaks  out  into  a  brave  and  glorious  description  of  the 

*  Since  corrupted  into  the  Wallabout ;  the  bay  where  the  Navy  Yard 
is  situated. 

f  Now  spelt  Brooklyn. 


35:2  HISTOKY    OF   N1AV    YOKK. 

forces,  as  they  defiled  through  the  principal  gate  of  the  city, 
that  stood  by  the  head  of  Wall-street. 

First  of  all  came  the  Van  Bummels,  who  inhabit  the 
pleasant  borders  of  the  Bronx  :  these  were  short  fat  men, 
wearing  exceeding  large  trunk-breeches,  and  were  renowned 
for  feats  of  the  trencher — they  were  the  first  inventors  of  sup- 
pawn,  or  mush  and  milk. — Close  in  their  rear  marched  the 
Van  Vlotens,  of  Kaatskill,  horrible  quaffers  of  new  cider,  and 
arrant  braggarts  in  their  liquor. — After  them  came  the  Van 
Pelts  of  Groodt  Esopus,  dexterous  horsemen,  mounted  upon 
goodly  switch-tailed  steeds  of  the  Esopus  breed — these  were 
mighty  hunters  of  minks  and  muskrats,  whence  came  the  word 
Peltry. — Then  the  Van  Nests  of  Kinderhoeck,  valiant  robbers 
of  bird's  nests,  as  their  name  denotes ;  to  these,  if  report  may 
be  believed,  are  we  indebted  for  the  invention  of  slap-jacks, 
or  buckwheat  cakes. — Then  the  Van  Iligginbottoms,  of  Wap- 
ping's  creek ;  these  came  armed  with  ferules  and  birchen  rods, 
being  a  race  of  schoolmasters,  who  first  discovered  the  mar 
vellous  sympathy  between  the  seat  of  honor  and  the  seat  of 
intellect — and  that  the  shortest  way  to  get  knowledge  into  the 
head  was  to  hammer  it  into  the  bottom. — Then  the  Van  Grolls, 
of  Antony's  Nose,  who  carried  their  liquor  in  fair  round  little 
pottles,  by  reason  they  could  not  bouse  it  out  of  their  can 
teens,  having  such  rare  long  noses. — Then  the  Gardeniers,  of 
Hudson  and  thereabouts,  distinguished  by  many  triumphant 
feats,  such  as  robbing  watermelon  patches,  smoking  rabbits 
out  of  their  holes,  and  the  like,  and  by  being  great  lovers  of 
roasted  pigs'  tails  ;  these  were  the  ancestors  of  the  renowned 
congressman  of  that  name. — Then  the  Van  Hoesens,  of  Sing- 
Sing,  great  choristers  and  players  upon  the  jewsharp  ;  these 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  353 

marched  two  and  two,  singing  the  great  song  of  St.  Nicholas. — 
Then  the  Couenhovens,  of  Sleepy  Hollow  ;  these  gave  birth 
to  a  jolly  race  of  publicans,  who  first  discovered  the  magic 
artifice  of  conjuring  a  quart  of  wine  into  a  pint  bottle. — Then 
the  Van  Kortlandts,  who  lived  on  the  wild  banks  of  the  Croton, 
and  were  great  killers  of  wild  ducks,  being  much  spoken 
of  for  their  skill  in  shooting  with  the  long  bow. — Then  the 
Van  Bunschotens,  of  Nyack  and  Kakiat,  who  were  the  first 
that  did  ever  kick  with  the  left  foot ;  they  were  gallant  bush 
whackers  and  hunters  of  raccoons  by  moonlight. — Then  the 
Van  Winkles,  of  Haerlem,  potent  suckers  of  eggs,  and  noted 
for  running  of  horses,  and  running  up  of  scores  at  taverns  ; 
they  were  the  first  that  ever  winked  with  both  eyes  at  once. — 
Lastly  came  the  KNICKERBOCKERS,  of  the  great  town  of  Scagh- 
tikoke,  where  the  folk  lay  stones  upon  the  houses  in  windy 
weather,  lest  they  should  be  blown  away.  These  derive  their 
name,  as  some  say,  from  Knicker,  to  shake,  and  Beker,  a  goblet, 
indicating  thereby  that  they  were  sturdy  toss-pots  of  yore  ; 
but,  in  truth,  it  was  derived  from  Knicker,  to  nod,  and  Boeken. 
books ;  plainly  meaning  that  they  were  great  nodders  or  dozers 
over  books — from  them  did  descend  the  writer  of  this  history. 
Such  was  the  legion  of  sturdy  bush-beaters  that  poured  in 
at  the  grand  gate  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  the  Stuyvesant  manu 
script  indeed  speaks  of  many  more,  whose  names  I  omit  to 
mention,  seeing  that  it  behooves  me  to  hasten  to  matters  of 
greater  moment.  Nothing  could  surpass  the  joy  and  martial 
pride  of  the  lion-hearted  Peter  as  he  reviewed  this  mighty  host 
of  warriors,  and  he  determined  no  longer  to  defer  the  gratifica 
tion  of  his  much-wished-for  revenge,  upon  the  scoundrel 
Swedes  at  Fort  Casimir. 


35-i  1IISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

But  before  I  hasten  to  record  those  unmatchable  events 
which  will  be  found  in  the  sequel  of  this  faithful  history,  let 
me  pause  to  notice  the  fate  of  Jacobus  Van  Poffcnburgh,  the 
discomfited  commander-in-chief  of  the  armies  of  the  New 
Netherlands.  Such  is  the  inherent  uncharitableness  of  human 
nature,  that  scarcely  did  the  news  become  public  of  his 
deplorable  discomfiture  at  Fort  Gasimir,  than  a  thousand 
scurvy  rumors  were  set  afloat  in  New  Amsterdam,  wherein  it 
was  insinuated,  that  he  had  in  reality  a  treacherous  under 
standing  with  the  Swedish  commmandcr ;  that  he  had  long 
been  in  the  practice  of  privately  communicating  with  the 
Swedes;  together  with  divers  hints  about  "secret  service 
money." — To  all  which  deadly  charges  I  do  not  give  a  jot  more 
credit  than  I  think  they  deserve. 

Certain  it  is,  that  the  general  vindicated  his  character  by 
the  most  vehement  oaths  and  protestations,  and  put  every 
man  out  of  the  ranks  of  honor  who  dared  to  doubt  his 
integrity.  Moreover,  on  returning  to  New  Amsterdam,  he 
paraded  up  and  down  the  streets  with  a  crew  of  hard-swearers 
at  his  heels — sturdy  bottle  companions,  whom  he  gorged  and 
fattened,  and  who  were  ready  to  bolster  him  through  all  the 
courts  of  justice — heroes  of  his  own  kindney,  fierce-whiskered, 
broad-shouldered,  colbrand-looking  swaggerers — not  one  of 
whom  but  looked  as  though  he  could  cat  up  an  ox,  and  pick 
his  teeth  with  the  horns.  These  lifeguard  men  quarrelled  all 
his  quarrels,  were  ready  to  fight  all  his  battles,  and  scowled  at 
e very  man  that  turned  up  his  nose  at  the  general,  as  though 
they  would  devour  him  alive.  Their  conversation  was  in 
terspersed  with  oaths  like  minute-guns,  and  every  bom 
bastic  rhodomontade  was  rounded  off  by  a  thundering 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  355 

execration,  like  a  patriotic  toast  honored  with  a  discharge  of 
artillery. 

All  these  valorous  vapor  ings  had  a  considerable  effect  in 
convincing  certain  profound  sages,  who  began  to  think  the 
general  a  hero,  of  unmatchable  loftiness  and  magnanimity  of 
soul ;  particularly  as  he  was  continually  protesting  on  the 
honor  of  a  soldier — a  marvellously  high-sounding  asseveration. 
Nay,  one  of  the  members  of  the  council  went  so  far  as  to 
propose  they  should  immortalize  him  by  an  imperishable 
statue  of  plaster  of  Paris. 

But  the  vigilant  Peter  the  Headstrong  was  not  thus  to  be 
deceived.  Sending  privately  for  the  commander-in-chief  of 
all  the  armies,  and  having  heard  all  his  story,  garnished  with 
the  customary  pious  oaths,  protestations,  and  ejaculations — 
"  Harkee,  comrade,"  cried  he,  "  though  by  your  own  account 
you  are  the  most  brave,  upright,  and  honorable  man  in  the 
whole  province,  yet  do  you  lie  under  the  misfortune  of  being 
damnably  traduced,  and  immeasurably  despised.  Now,  though 
it  is  certainly  hard  to  punish  a  man  for  his  misfortunes,  and 
though  it  is  very  possible  you  are  totally  innocent  of  the 
crimes  laid  to  your  charge ;  yet  as  heaven,  doubtless  for  some 
wise  purpose,  sees  fit  at  present  to  withhold  all  proofs  of 
your  innocence,  far  be  it  from  me  to  counteract  its  sovereign 
will.  Besides,  I  cannot  consent  to  venture  my  armies  with  a 
commander  whom  they  despise,  nor  to  trust  the  welfare  of  my 
people  to  a  champion  whom  they  distrust.  Retire,  therefore, 
my  friend,  from  the  irksome  toils  and  cares  of  public  life, 
with  this  comforting  reflection — that  if  guilty,  you  are  but 
enjoying  your  just  reward — and  if  innocent,  you  arc  not  the 
first  great  and  good  man  who  has  most  wrongfully  been 


356 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 


slandered  and  maltreated  in  this  wicked  world — doubtless  to 
be  better  treated  in  a  better  world,  where  there  shall  be  neither 
error,  calumny,  nor  persecution.  In  the  mean  time  let  me 
never  see  your  face  again,  for  I  have  a  horrible  antipathy  to 
the  countenances  of  unfortunate  great  men  like  yourself." 


CIIAPTEE  VI. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  DISCOURSES  VERY  INGENUOUSLY  OF  HIMSELF — 
AFTER  WHICH  IS  TO  BE  FOUND  MUCH  INTERESTING  HISTORY  ABOUT 
PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG  AND  HIS  FOLLOWERS. 

AS  my  readers  and  myself  are  about  entering  on  as  many 
perils  as  ever  a  confederacy  of  meddlesome  knights- 
errant  wilfully  ran  their  heads  into,  it  is  meet  that,  like  those 
hardy  adventurers,  we  should  join  hands,  bury  all  differences, 
and  swear  to  stand  by  one  another,  in  weal  or  woe,  to  the  end 
of  the  enterprise.  My  readers  must  doubtless  perceive  how 
completely  I  have  altered  my  tone  and  deportment  since  we 
first  set  out  together.  I  warrant  they  then  thought  me  a 
crabbed,  cynical,  impertinent  little  son  of  a  Dutchman ;  for  I 
scarcely  gave  them  a  evil  word,  nor  so  much  as  touched  my 
beaver,  when  I  had  occasion  to  address  them.  But  as  we 
jogged  along  together  on  the  high  road  of  my  history,  I  grad 
ually  began  to  relax,  to  grow  more  courteous,  and  occasion 
ally  to  enter  into  familiar  discourse,  until  at  length  I  came  to 
conceive  a  most  social,  companionable  kind  of  regard  for 
them.  This  is  just  my  way — I  am  always  a  little  cold  and 
reserved  at  first,  particularly  to  people  whom  I  neither  know 
nor  care  for,  and  am  only  to  be  completely  won  by  long  inti 
macy. 


358  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

Besides,  why  should  I  have  been  sociable  to  the  crowd  of 
how-d'ye-do  acquaintances  that  flocked  around  me  at  my  first 
appearance  ?  Many  were  merely  attracted  by  a  new  face ; 
and  having  stared  me  full  in  the  title-page,  walked  oft'  without 
saying  a  word  ;  while  others  lingered  yawningly  through  the 
preface,  and,  having  gratified  their  short-lived  curiosity,  soon 
dropped  off  one  by  one.  But,  more  especially  to  try  their 
mettle,  I  had  recourse  to  an  expedient,  similar  to  one  which 
we  are  told  was  used  by  that  peerless  flower  of  chivalry, 
King  Arthur ;  who,  before  he  admitted  any  knight  to  his  inti 
macy,  first  required  that  he  should  show  himself  superior  to 
danger  or  hardships,  by  encountering  unheard-of  mishaps, 
slaying  some  dozen  giants,  vanquishing  wicked  enchanters,  not 
to  say  a  word  of  dwarfs,  hippogriffs  and  fiery  dragons.  On 
a  similar  principle  did  I  cunningly  lead  my  readers,  at  the 
first  sally,  into  two  or  three  knotty  chapters,  where  they  were 
most  wofully  belabored  and  buffeted  by  a  host  of  pagan 
philosophers  and  infidel  writers.  Though  naturally  a  very 
grave  man,  yet  could  I  scarcely  refrain  from  smiling  outright 
at  seeing  the  utter  confusion  and  dismay  of  my  valiant  cava 
liers.  Some  dropped  down  dead  (asleep)  on  the  field  ;  others 
threw  down  my  book  in  the  middle  of  the  first  chapter,  took 
to  their  heels,  and  never  ceased  scampering  until  they  had 
fairly  run  it  out  of  sight ;  when  they  stopped  to  take  breath, 
to  tell  their  friends  what  troubles  they  had  undergone,  and  to 
warn  all  others  from  venturing  on  so  thankless  an  expedition. 
Every  page  thinned  my  ranks  more  and  more ;  and  of  the 
vast  multitude  that  first  set  out,  but  a  comparatively  few 
made  shift  to  survive,  in  exceedingly  battered  condition, 
through  the  five  introductory  chapters. 


HISTORY   OF    NEW   YORK.  359 

"What,  then  !  would  you  have  had  me  take  such  sunshine, 
faint-hearted  recreants  to  my  bosom  at  our  first  acquaintance  ? 
No — no  ;  I  reserved  my  friendship  for  those  who  deserved  it, 
for  those  who  undauntedly  bore  me  company,  in  despite  of 
difficulties,  dangers  and  fatigues.  And  now,  as  to  those  who 
adhere  to  me  at  present,  I  take  them  affectionately  by  the 
hand. — Worthy  and  thrice-beloved  readers  !  brave  and  well- 
tried  comrades !  who  have  faithfully  followed  my  footsteps 
through  all  my  wanderings — I  salute  you  from  my  heart — I 
pledge  myself  to  stand  by  you  to  the  last ;  and  to  conduct 
you  (so  Heaven  speed  this  trusty  weapon  which  I  now  hold 
between  my  fingers)  triumphantly  to  the  end  of  this  our  stu 
pendous  undertaking. 

But,  hark  !  while  we  are  thus  talking,  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam  is  in  a  bustle.  The  host  of  warriors  encamped 
in  the  Bowling  Green  are  striking  their  tents  ;  the  brazen 
trumpet  of  Antony  Van  Corlear  makes  the  welkin  to  resound 
with  portentous  clangor — the  drums  beat — the  standards  of 
the  Manhattoes,  of  Hell-gate,  and  of  Michael  Paw,  wave 
proudly  in  the  air.  And  now  behold  where  the  mariners  are 
busily  employed  hoisting  the  sails  of  yon  topsail  schooner,  and 
those  clump-built  sloops,  which  are  to  waft  the  army  of  the 
Nederlanders  to  gather  immortal  honors  on  the  Delaware  ! 

The  entire  population  of  the  city,  man,  woman,  and  child, 
turned  out  to  behold  the  chivalry  of  New  Amsterdam,  as  it 
paraded  the  streets  previous  to  embarkation.  Many  a  hand 
kerchief  was  waved  out  of  the  windows  ;  many  a  fair  nose  was 
blown  in  melodious  sorrow  on  the  mournful  occasion.  The 
grief  of  the  fair  dames  and  beauteous  damsels  of  Granada 
could  not  have  been  more  vociferous  on  the  banishment  of  the 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

gallant  tribe  of  Abencerrages,  than  was  that  of  the  kind- 
hearted  fair  ones  of  New  Amsterdam  on  the  departure  of 
their  intrepid  warriors.  Every  lovesick  maiden  fondly 
crammed  the  pockets  of  her  hero  with  gingerbread  and  dough 
nuts — many  a  copper  ring  was  exchanged,  and  crooked  six 
pence  broken,  in  pledge  of  eternal  constancy — and  there  re 
main  extant  to  this  day  some  love- verses  written  on  that  oc 
casion,  sufficiently  crabbed  and  incomprehensible  to  confound 
the  whole  universe. 

But  it  was  a  moving  sight  to  see  the  buxom  lasses,  how 
they  hung  about  the  doughty  Antony  Van  Corlear — for  he 
was  a  jolly,  rosy-faced,  lusty  bachelor,  fond  of  his  joke,  and 
withal  a  desperate  rogue  among  the  women.  Fain  would 
they  have  kept  him  to  comfort  them  while  the  army  was 
away  ;  for  besides  what  I  have  said  of  him,  it  is  no  more  than 
justice  to  add,  that  he  was  a  kind-hearted  soul,  noted  for  his 
benevolent  attentions  in  comforting  disconsolate  wives  during 
the  absence  of  their  husbands — and  this  made  him  to  be  very 
much  regarded  by  the  honest  burghers  of  the  city.  But 
nothing  could  keep  the  valiant  Antony  from  following  the 
heels  of  the  old  governor,  whom  he  loved  as  he  did  his  very 
soul — so  embracing  all  the  young  vrouws,  and  giving  every 
one  of  them  that  had  good  teeth  and  rosy  lips  a  dozen  hearty 
smacks,  he  departed  loaded  with  their  kind  wishes. 

Nor  was  the  departure  of  the  gallant  Peter  among  the 
least  causes  of  public  distress.  Though  the  old  governor 
was  by  no  means  indulgent  to  the  follies  and  waywardness  of 
his  subjects,  yet  somehow  or  other  he  had  become  strangely 
popular  among  the  people.  There  is  something  so  captivating 
in  personal  bravery,  that,  with  the  common  mass  of  mankind, 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  361 

it  takes  the  lead  of  most  other  merits.  The  simple  folk  of 
New  Amsterdam  looked  upon  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  a  prodigy 
of  valor.  His  wooden  leg,  that  trophy  of  his  martial  en 
counters,  was  regarded  with  reverence  and  admiration.  Every 
old  burgher  had  a  budget  of  miraculous  stories  to  tell  about 
the  exploits  of  Hardkoppig  Piet,  wherewith  he  regaled  his 
children  of  a  long  winter  night ;  and  on  which  he  dwelt  with 
as  much  delight  and  exaggeration,  as  do  our  honest  country 
yeomen  on  the  hardy  adventures  of  old  General  Putnam 
(or,  as  he  is  familiarly  termed,  Old  Put)  during  our  glorious 
revolution.  Not  an  individual  but  verily  believed  the  old 
governor  was  a  match  for  Beelzebub  himself;  and  there  was 
even  a  story  told,  writh  great  mystery,  and  under  the  rose,  of 
his  having  shot  the  devil  with  a  silver  bullet  one  dark  stormy 
night,  as  he  was  sailing  in  a  canoe  through  Hell-gate — but  this 
I  do  not  record  as  being  an  absolute  fact.  Perish  the  man 
who  would  let  fall  a  drop  to  discolor  the  pure  stream  of  his 
tory  ! 

Certain  it  is,  not  an  old  woman  in  New  Amsterdam  but 
considered  Peter  Stuyvesant  as  a  tower  of  strength,  and  rested 
satisfied  that  the  public  welfare  was  secure,  so  long  as  he  was 
in  the  city.  It  is  not  surprising,  then,  that  they  looked  upon 
his  departure  as  a  sore  affliction.  With  heavy  hearts  they 
draggled  at  the  heels  of  his  troop,  as  they  marched  down  to 
the  river  side  to  embark.  The  governor  from  the  stern  of 
his  schooner  gave  a"  short  but  truly  patriarchal  address  to  his 
citizens,  wherein  he  recommended  them  to  comport  like  loyal 
and  peaceable  subjects — to  go  to  church  regularly  on  Sundays, 
and  to  mind  their  business  all  the  week  besides.  That  the 
women  should  be  dutiful  and  affectionate  to  their  husbands — 


362  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

looking  after  nobody's  concerns  but  their  own  ;  eschewing  all 
gossipings,  and  morning  gaddings — and  carrying  short  tongues 
and  long  petticoats.  That  the  men  should  abstain  from  inter 
meddling  in  public  concerns,  intrusting  the  cares  of  govern 
ment  to  the  officers  appointed  to  support  them — staying  at 
home,  like  good  citizens,  making  money  for  themselves,  and 
getting  children  for  the  benefit  of  their  country.  That  the 
burgomasters  should  look  well  to  the  public  interest — not 
oppressing  the  poor  nor  indulging  the  rich — not  tasking  their 
ingenuity  to  devise  new  laws,  but  faithfully  enforcing  those 
which  were  already  made — rather  bending  their  attention  to 
prevent  evil  than  to  punish  it ;  ever  recollecting  that  civil 
magistrates  should  consider  themselves  more  as  guardians  of 
public  morals  than  rat-catchers  employed  to  entrap  public 
delinquents.  Finally,  he  exhorted  them,  one  and  all,  high  and 
low,  rich  and  poor,  to  conduct  themselves  as  well  as  they  could, 
assuring  them  that  if  they  faithfully  and  conscientiously  com 
plied  with  this  golden  rule,  there  was  no  danger  but  that  they 
would  all  conduct  themselves  well  enough.  This  done,  he 
gave  them  a  paternal  benediction ;  the  sturdy  Antony  sounded 
a  most  loving  farewell  with  his  trumpet,  the  jolly  crews  put 
up  a  shout  of  triumph,  and  the  invincible  armada  swept  off 
proudly  down  the  bay. 

The  good  people  of  New  Amsterdam  crowded  down  to  the 
Battery — that  blest  resort,  from  whence  so  many  a  tender 
prayer  has  been  wafted,  so  many  a  fair  hand  waved,  so  many 
a  tearful  look  been  cast  by  lovesick  damsel,  after  the  lessen 
ing  bark,  bearing  her  adventurous  swain  to  distant  climes  ! — 
Here  the  populace  watched  with  straining  eyes  the  gallant 
squadron,  as  it  slowly  floated  down  the  bay,  and  when  the 


HISTOltY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  363 

intervening  land  at  the  Narrows  shut  it  from  their  sight, 
gradually  dispersed  with  silent  tongues  and  downcast  coun 
tenances. 

A  heavy  gloom  hung  over  the  late  bustling  city — the 
honest  burghers  smoked  their  pipes  in  profound  thoughtful- 
ness,  casting  many  a  wistful  look  to  the  weathercock  on  the 
church  of  St.  Nicholas ;  and  all  the  old  women,  having  no 
longer  the  presence  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  to  hearten  them, 
gathered  their  children  home,  and  barricaded  the  doors  and 
windows  every  evening  at  sundown. 

In  the  meanwhile  the  armada  of  the  sturdy  Peter  proceeded 
prosperously  on  its  voyage,  and  after  encountering  about  as 
many  storms,  and  water-spouts,  and  whales,  and  other  horrors 
and  phenomena,  as  generally  befall  adventurous  landsmen  in 
perilous  voyages  of  the  kind ;  and  after  undergoing  a  severe 
scouring  from  that  deplorable  and  unpitied  malady  called  sea 
sickness,  the  whole  squadron  arrived  safely  in  the  Delaware. 

Without  so  much  as  dropping  anchor  and  giving  his 
wearied  ships  time  to  breathe,  after  laboring  so  long  on  the 
ocean,  the  intrepid  Peter  pursued  his  course  up  the  Delaware, 
and  made  a  sudden  appearance  before  Fort  Casimir.  Having 
summoned  the  astonished  garrison  by  a  terrific  blast  from  the 
trumpet  of  the  long-winded  Van  Corlear,  he  demanded,  in  a 
tone  of  thunder,  an  instant  surrender  of  the  fort.  To  this 
demand,  Suen  Skytte,  the  wind-dried  commandant,  replied  in 
a  shrill,  whiffling  voice,  which,  by  reason  of  his  extreme  spare- 
ness,  sounded  like  the  wind  whistling  through  a  broken  bel 
lows — "  That  he  had  no  very  strong  reason  for  refusing,  except 
that  the  demand  was  particularly  disagreeable,  as  he  had  been 
ordered  to  maintain  his  post  to  the  last  extremity."  He  re- 


3b'i  111STOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

quested  time,  therefore,  to  consult  with  Governor  Risingh,  and 
proposed  a  truce  for  that  purpose. 

The  choleric  Peter,  indignant  at  having  his  rightful  fort  so 
treacherously  taken  from  him,  and  thus  pertinaciously  with 
held,  refused  the  proposed  armistice,  and  swore  by  the  pipe 
of  St.  Nicholas,  which,  like  the  sacred  fire;  was  never  extin 
guished,  that  unless  the  fort  were  surrendered  in  ten  minutes, 
he  would  incontinently  storm  the  works,  make  all  the  garrison 
run  the  gauntlet,  and  split  their  scoundrel  of  a  commander 
like  a  pickled  shad.  To  give  this  menace  the  greater  effect, 
he  drew  forth  his  trusty  sword,  and  shook  it  at  them  with 
such  a  fierce  and  vigorous  motion,  that  doubtless,  if  it  had  not 
been  exceeding  rusty,  it  would  have  lightened  terror  into  the 
eyes  and  hearts  of  the  enemy.  He  then  ordered  his  men  to 
bring  a  broadside  to  bear  upon  the  fort,  consisting  of  two 
swivels,  three  muskets,  a  long  duck  fowling-piece,  and  two 
brace  of  horse'-pistols. 

In  the  mean  time  the  sturdy  Van  Corlear  marshalled  all 
the  forces,  and  commenced  his  warlike  operations.  Distend 
ing  his  cheeks  like  a  very  Boreas,  he  kept  up  a  most  horrific 
twanging  of  his  trumpet — the  lusty  choristers  of  Sing-Sing 
broke  forth  into  a  hideous  song  of  battle — the  warriors  of 
Breuckelen  and  the  Wallabout  blew  a  potent  and  astonishing 
blast  on  their  conch  shells,  altogether  forming  as  outrageous 
a  concerto  as  though  five  thousand  French  fiddlers  were  dis 
playing  their  skill  in  a  modern  overture. 

Whether  the  formidable  front  of  war  thus  suddenly  pre 
sented  smote  the  garison  with  sore  dismay — or  whether  the 
concluding  terms  of  the  summons,  which  mentioned  that  he 
should  surrender  "  at  discretion,"  were  mistaken  by  Suen 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  3t)5 

Skytte,  who,  though  a  Swede,  was  a  very  considerate,  easy- 
tempered  man — as  a  compliment  to  his  discretion,  I  will  not 
take  upon  me  to  say ;  certain  it  is  he  found  it  impossible  to 
resist  so  courteous  a  demand.  Accordingly,  in  the  very  nick 
of  time,  just  as  the  cabin-boy  had  gone  after  a  coal  of  fire,  to 
discharge  the  swivel,  a  chamade  was  beat  on  the  rampart  by 
the  only  drum  in  the  garrison,  to  the  no  small  satisfaction  of 
both  parties ;  who,  notwithstanding  their  great  stomach  for 
fighting,  had  full  as  good  an  inclination  to  eat  a  quiet  dinner  as 
to  exchange  black  eyes  and  bloody  noses. 

Thus  did  this  impregnable  fortress  once  more  return  to  the 
domination  of  their  High  Mightinesses  ;  Skytte  and  his  gar 
rison  of  twenty  men  were  allowed  to  march  out  with  the 
honors  of  war,  and  the  victorious  Peter,  who  was  as  generous 
as  brave,  permitted  them  to  keep  possession  of  all  their  arms 
and  ammunition — the  same  on  inspection  being  found  totally 
unfit  for  service,  having  long  rusted  in  the  magazine  of  the 
fortress,  even  before  it  was  wrested  by  the  Swedes  from  the 
windy  Van  Poffenburgh.  But  I  must  not  omit  to  mention 
that  the  governor  was  so  well  pleased  with  the  service  of  his 
faithful  squire  Van  Corlear,  in  the  reduction  of  this  great  for 
tress,  that  he  made  him  on  the  spot  lord  of  a  goodly  domain 
in  the  vicinity  of  New  Amsterdam — which  goes  by  the  name 
of  Corlear's  Hook  unto  this  very  day. 

The  unexampled  liberality  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  towards 
the  Swedes,  occasioned  great  surprise  in  the  city  of  New 
Amsterdam — nay,  certain  factious  individuals,  who  had  been 
enlightened  by  political  meetings  in  the  days  of  William  the 
Testy,  but  who  had  not  dared  to  indulge  their  meddlesome 
habits  under  the  eye  of  their  present  ruler,  now,  emboldened 


366  H1STOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

V 

by  his  absence,  gave  vent  to  their  censures  in  the  street. 
Murmurs  were  heard  in  the  very  council-chamber  of  New 
Amsterdam  ;  and  there  is  no  knowing  whether  they  might 
not  have  broken  out  into  downright  speeches  and  invectives, 
had  not  Peter  Stuyvesant  privately  sent  home  his  walking- 
staff,  to  be  laid  as  a  mace  on  the  table  of  the  council-chamber, 
in  the  midst  of  his  counsellors  ;  who,  like  wise  men,  took  the 
hint,  and  for  ever  after  held  their  peace. 


CHAFFER  VII. 

SHOEING  THE  GREAT  ADVANTAGE  THAT  THE  AUTHOR  HAS  OVER  HIS  READER 

IN    TIME  OF  BATTLE TOGETHER  WITH   DIVERS   PORTENTOUS  MOVEMENTS  ; 

WHICH    BETOKEN    THAT    SOMETHING   TERRIBLE    IS   ABOUT    TO    HAPPEN. 

I"  IK  E  as  a  mighty  alderman,  when  at  a  corporation  feast  the 
•~  first  spoonful  of  turtle-soup  salutes  his  palate,  feels  his 
appetite  but  tenfold  quickened,  and  redoubles  his  vigorous 
attacks  upon  the  tureen  ;  while  his  projecting  eyes  roll  greedi 
ly  round,  devouring  every  thing  at  table — so  did  the  meetle- 
some  Peter  Stuyvesant  feel  that  hunger  for  martial  glory, 
which  raged  within  his  bowels,  inflamed  by  the  capture  of 
Fort  Casimir,  and  nothing  could  allay  it  but  the  conquest  of 
all  New  Sweden.  No  sooner,  therefore,  had  he  secured  his 
conquest,  than  he  stumped  resolutely  on,  flushed  with  success, 
to  gather  fresh  laurels  at  Fort  Christina.* 

This  was  the  grand  Swedish  post,  established  on  a  small 
river  (or,  as  it  is  improperly  termed,  creek)  of  the  same 
name  ;  and  here  that  crafty  governor  Jan  Risingh  lay  grimly 
drawn  up,  like  a  gray-bearded  spider  in  the  citadel  of  his  web. 

But  before  we  hurry  into  the  direful  scenes  which  must 
attend  the  meeting  of  two  such  potent  chieftains,  it  is  advi- 

*  At  present  a  flourishing  town,  called  Christiana,  or  Christeen,  about 
thirty-seven  miles  from  Philadelphia,  on  the  post-road  to  Baltimore. 


368 


HISTORY    <JF   SEW    Y014K. 


sable  to  pause  for  a  moment,  and  hold  a  kind  of  warlike  coun 
cil.  Battles  should  not  be  rushed  into  precipitately  by  the 
historian  and  his  readers,  any  more  than  by  the  general  and 
his  soldiers.  The  great  commanders  of  antiquity  never  en 
gaged  the  enemy  without  previously  prepafihg  the  minds  of 
their  followers  by  animating  harangues  ;  spiriting  them  up  to 
heroic  deeds  assuring  them  of  the  protection  of  the  gods,  and 
inspiring  them  with  a  confidence  in  the  prowess  of  their  lead 
ers.  So  the  historian  should  awaken  the  attention  and  enlist 
the  passions  of  his  readers  ;  and  having  set  thorn  all  on  fire 
with  the  importance  of  his  subject,  he  should  put  himself  at 
their  head,  flourish  his  pen,  and  lead  them  on  to  the  thickest 
of  the  fight. 

An  illustrious  example  of  this  rule  may  be  seen  in  that 
mirror  of  historians,  the  immortal  Thucydides.  Having  ar 
rived  at  the  breaking  out  of  the  Peloponnesian  war,  one  of 
his  commentators  observes  that  "  he  sounds  the  charge  in  all 
the  disposition  and  spirit  of  Homer.  He  catalogues  the  allies 
on  both  sides.  He  awakens  our  expectations,  and  fast  engages 
our  attention.  All  mankind  are  concerned  in  the  important 
point  now  going  to  be  decided.  Endeavors  are  made  to  dis 
close  futurity.  Heaven  itself  is  interested  in  the  dispute. 
The  earth  totters,  and  nature  seems  to  labor  with  the  great 
event.  This  is  his  solemn,  sublime  manner  of  setting  out. 
Thus  he  magnifies  a  war  between  two,  as  Rapin  styles  them, 
petty  states  ;  and  thus  artfully  he  supports  a  little  subject  by 
treating  it  in  a  great  and  noble  method." 

In  like  manner,  having  conducted  my  readers  into  the 
very  teeth  of  peril — having  followed  the  adventurous  Peter 
and  his  band  into  foreign  regions — surrounded  by  foes,  and 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  369 

stunned  by  the  horrid  din  of  arms — at  this  important  moment, 
while  darkness  and  doubt  hang  o'er  each  coming  chapter,  I 
hold  it  meet  to  harangue  them,  and  prepare  them  for  the 
events  that  are  to  follow. 

And  here  I  would  premise  one  great  advantage  which,  as 
historian,  I  posses  over  my  reader ;  and  this  it  is,  that  though 
I  cannot  save  the  life  of  my  favorite  hero,  nor  absolutely  con 
tradict  the  event  of  a  battle  (both  which  liberties,  though  often 
taken  by  the  French  writers  of  the  present  reign,  I  hold  to  be 
utterly  unworthy  of  a  scrupulous  historian),  yet  I  can  now 
and  then  make  him  bestow  on  his  enemy  a  sturdy  back-stroke 
sufficient  to  fell  a  giant ;  though,  in  honest  truth,  he  may  never 
have  done  any  thing  of  the  kind — or  I  can  drive  his  antagonist 
clear  round  and  round  the  field,  as  did  Homer  make  that  fine 
fellow  Hector  scamper  like  a  poltroon  round  the  walls  of 
Troy ;  for  which,  if  ever  they  have  encountered  one  another 
in  the  Elysian  fields,  I'll  warrant  the  prince  of  poets  has  had 
to  make  the  most  humble  apology. 

I  am  aware  that  many  conscientious  readers  will  be  ready 
to  cry  out  "  foul  play  !  "  whenever  I  render  a  little  assistance 
to  my  hero — but  I  consider  it  one  of  those  privileges  exer 
cised  by  historians  of  all  ages — and  one  which  has  never  been 
disputed.  An  historian  is,  in  fact,  as  it  were,  bound  in  honor 
to  stand  by  his  hero — the  fame  of  the  latter  is  intrusted  to  his 
hands,  and  it  is  his  duty  to  do  the  best  by  it  he  can.  Never 
was  there  a  general,  an  admiral,  or  any  other  commander, 
who,  in  giving  account  of  any  battle  he  had  fought,  did  not 
sorely  belabor  the  enemy  ;  and  I  have  no  doubt  that,  had  my 
heroes  Avritten  the  history  of  their  own  achievements,  they 
would  have  dealt  much  harder  blows  than  any  that  I  shall  re- 
16* 


370  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

count.  Standing  forth,  therefore,  as  the  guardian  of  their 
fame,  it  behooves  me  to  do  them  the  same  justice  they  would 
have  done  themselves ;  and  if  I  happen  to  be  a  little  hard 
upon  the  Swedes,  I  give  free  leave  to  any  of  their  descendants, 
who  may  write  a  story  of  the  State  of  Delaware,  to  take  fair 
retaliation,  and  belabor  Peter  Stuy  vesant  as  hard  as  they  please. 

Therefore  stand  by  for  broken  heads  and  bloody  noses  ! — 
My  pen  hath  long  itched  for  a  battle — siege  after  siege  have  I 
carried  on  without  blows  or  bloodshed ;  but  now  I  have  at 
length  got  a  chance,  and  I  vow  to  Heaven  and  St.  Nicholas, 
that,  let  the  chronicles  of  the  times  say  what  they  please, 
neither  Sallust,  Livy,  Tacitus,  Polybius,  nor  any  other  histo 
rian,  did  ever  record  a  fiercer  fight  than  that  in  which  rny 
valiant  chieftains  are  now  about  to  engage. 

And  you,  oh  most  excellent  readers,  whom,  for  your  faith 
ful  adherence,  I  could  cherish  in  the  warmest  corner  of  my 
heart — be  not  uneaasy — trust  the  fate  of  our  favorite  Stuy- 
vesant  with  me — for  by  the  rood,  come  what  may,  I'll  stick  by 
Hardkoppig  Piet  to  the  last.  I'll  make  him  drive  about  these 
losels  vile,  as  did  the  renowned  Launcclot  of  the  Lake  a  herd 
of  recreant  Cornish  knights — and  if  he  does  fall,  let  me  never 
draw  my  pen  to  fight  another  battle  in  behalf  of  a  brave 
man,  if  I  don't  make  these  lubberly  Swedes  pay  for  it. 

No  sooner  had  Peter  Stuyvesant  arrived  at  Fort  Christina 
than  he  proceeded  without  delay  to  intrench  himself,  and  im 
mediately  on  running  his  first  parallel,  dispatched  Antony 
Van  Corlear  to  summon  the  fortress  to  surrender.  Van  Cor- 
lear  was  received  with  all  due  formality,  hoodwinked  at  the 
portal,  and  conducted  through  a  pestiferous  smell  of  salt  fish 
and  onions  to  the  citadel,  a  substantial  hut  built  of  pine  logs. 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  371 

His  eyes  were  here  uncovered,  and  he  found  himself  in  the 
august  presence  of  Governor  Risingh.  This  chieftain,  as  I 
have  before  noted,  was  a  very  giantly  man ;  and  was  clad  in 
a  coarse  blue  coat,  strapped  round  the  waist  with  a  leathern 
belt,  which  caused  the  enormous  skirts  and  pockets  to  set  off 
with  a  very  warlike  sweep.  His  ponderous  legs  were  cased 
in  a  pair  of  foxy-colored  jackboots,  and  he  was  straddling  in 
the  attitude  of  the  Colossus  of  Rhodes,  before  a  bit  of 
broken  looking-glass,  shaving  himself  with  a  villanously  dull 
razor.  This  afflicting  operation  caused  him  to  make  a  scries 
of  horrible  grimaces,  which  heightened  exceedingly  the  grisly 
terrors  of  his  visage.  On  Antony  Van  Corlear's  being  an 
nounced,  the  grim  commander  paused  for  a  moment,  in  the 
midst  of  one  of  his  most  hard-favored  contortions,  and  after 
eyeing  him  askance  over  the  shoulder,  with  a  kind  of  snarling 
grin  on  his  countenance,  resumed  his  labors  at  the  glass. 

This  iron  harvest  being  reaped,  he  turned  once  more  to  the 
trumpeter,  and  demanded  the  purport  of  his  errand.  Antony 
Van  Corlear  delivered  in  a  few  words,  being  a  kind  of  short 
hand  speaker,  a  long  message  from  his  excellency,  recounting 
the  whole  history  of  the  province,  with  a  recapitulation  of 
grievances,  and  enumeration  of  claims,  and  concluding  with  a 
peremptory  demand  of  instant  surrender ;  which  done,  he 
turned  aside,  took  his  nose  between  his  thumb  and  fingers,  and 
blew  a  tremendous  blast,  not  unlike  the  flourish  of  a  trumpet 
of  defiance — which  it  had  doubtless  learned  from  a  long  and 
intimate  neighborhood  with  that  melodious  instrument. 

Governor  Risingh  heard  him  through,  trumpet  and  all,  but 
with  infinite  impatience ;  leaning  at  times,  as  was  his  usual  cus 
tom,  on  the  pommel  of  his  sword,  and  at  times  twirling  a  huge 


372  HISTORY    OF   NEW   YOKK. 

steel  watch-chain,  or  snapping  his  fingers.  Van  Corlear  having 
finished,  he  bluntly  replied,  that  Peter  Stuyvesant  and  his 

summons  might  go  to  the  d 1,  whither  he  hoped  to  send 

him  and  his  crew  of  ragamuffins  before  supper-time.  Then 
unsheathing  his  brass-hilted  sword,  and  throwing  away  the 
scabbard — "  'Fore  gad,"  quod  he,  <;  but  1  will  not  sheathe  thee 
again  until  I  make  a  scabbard  of  the  smoke-dried  leathern 
hide  of  this  runagate  Dutchman."  Then  having  flung  a  fierce 
defiance  in  the  teeth  of  his  adversary  by  the  lips  of  his  mes 
senger,  the  latter  was  reconducted  to  the  portal,  with  all  the 
ceremonious  civility  due  to  the  trumpeter,  squire,  and  ambas 
sador  of  so  great  a  commander ;  and  being  again  unblinded, 
was  courteously  dismissed  with  a  tweak  of  the  nose,  to  assist 
him  in  recollecting  his  message. 

No  sooner  did  the  gallant  Peter  receive  this  insolent  reply 
than  he  let  fly  a  tremendous  volley  of  red-hot  execrations, 
which  would  infallibly  have  battered  down  the  fortifications, 
and  blown  up  the  powder  magazine  about  the  ears  of  the  fiery 
Swede,  had  not  the  ramparts  been  remarkably  strong,  and  the 
magazine  bomb-proof.  Perceiving  that  the  works  withstood 
this  tsrriflc  blast,  and  that  it  was  utterly  impossible  (as  it 
really  was  in  those  unphilosophic  days)  to  carry  on  a  war 
with  words,  he  ordered  his  merry  men  all  to  prepare  for  an 
immediate  assault.  But  here  a  strange  murmur  broke  out 
among  his  troops,  beginning  with  the  tribe  of  the  Van  Bum- 
in  els,  those  valiant  trenchermen  of  the  Bronx,  and  spreading 
from  man  to  man,  accompanied  with  certain  mutinous  looks 
and  discontented  murmurs.  For  once  in  his  life,  and  only  for 
once,  did  the  great  Peter  turn  pale,  for  he  verily  thought  his 
warriors  were  going  to  falter  in  this  hour  of  perilous  trial,  and 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOEK.  373 

thus  to  tarnish  for  ever  the  fame  of  the  province  of  New 
Netherlands. 

But  soon  did  he  discover,  to  his  great  joy,  that  in  his  sus 
picion  he  deeply  wronged  his  most  undaunted  army  ;  for  the 
cause  of  this  agitation  and  uneasiness  simply  was,  that  the 
hour  of  dinner  was  at  hand,  and  it  would  have  almost  broken 
the  hearts  of  these  regular  Dutch  warriors  to  have  broken  in 
upon  the  invariable  routine  of  their  habits.  Besides,  it  was 
an  established  rule  among  our  ancestors  always  to  fight  upon 
a  full  stomach ;  and  to  this  may  be  doubtless  attributed  the 
circumstance  that  they  came  to  be  so  renowned  in  arms. 

And  now  are  the  hearty  men  of  the  Manhattoes,  and  their 
no  less  hearty  comrades,  all  lustily  engaged  under  the  trees, 
buffeting  stoutly  with  the  contents  of  their  wallets,  and  taking 
such  affectionate  embraces  of  their  canteens  and  pottles,  as 
though  they  verily  believed  they  were  to  be  the  last.  And 
as  I  foresee  we  shall  have  hot  work  in  a  page  or  two,  I  advise 
my  readers  to  do  the  same,  for  which  purpose  I  will  bring 
this  chapter  to  a  close ;  giving  them  my  word  of  honor,  that 
no  advantage  shall  be  taken  of  this  armistice  to  surprise,  or 
in  any  wise  molest,  the  honest  Nederlanders,  while  at  their 
vigorous  repast. 


CHAPTEE  Yin. 

CONTAINING  THE  MOST  HORRIBLE  BATTLE  EVER  RECORDED  IN  POETRY  OR 
PROSE;  WITH  THE  ADMIRABLE  EXPLOITS  OF  PETER  THE  HEADSTRONG. 


ac*  ^1G  Dutchmen  snatched  a  huge  repast,"  and 
finding  themselves  wonderfully  encouraged  and  ani 
mated  thereby,  prepared  to  take  the  field.  Expectation,  says 
the  writer  of  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript  —  Expectation  now 
stood  on  stilts.  The  world  forgot  to  turn  round,  or  rather 
stood  still,  that  it  might  witness  the  affray  ;  like  a  round- 
bellied  alderman,  watching  the  combat  of  two  chivalrous  flies 
upon  his  jerkin.  The  eyes  of  all  mankind,  as  usual  in  such 
cases,  were  turned  upon  Fort  Christina.  The  sun,  like  a  lit 
tle  man  in  a  crowd  at  a  puppet-show,  scampered  about  the 
heavens,  popping  his  head  here  and  there,  and  endeavoring  to 
get  a  peep  between  the  unmannerly  clouds  that  obtruded  them 
selves  in  his  way.  The  historians  filled  their  inkhorns  —  the 
poets  went  without  their  dinners,  either  that  they  might  buy 
paper  and  goose-quills,  or  because  they  could  not  get  any 
thing  to  eat.  Antiquity  scowled  sulkily  out  of  its  grave,  to 
see  itself  outdone  —  while  even  Posterity  stood  mute,  gazing 
in  gaping  ecstasy  of  retrospection  on  the  eventful  field. 

The  immortal  deities,  who  whilom  had  seen  service  at  the 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW   YORK.  375 

"  affair  "  of  Troy — now  mounted  their  feather-bed  clouds,  and 
sailed  over  the  plain,  or  mingled  among  the  combatants  in 
different  disguises,  all  itching  to  have  a  finger  in  the  pie.  Jupi 
ter  sent  off  his  thunderbolt  to  a  noted  coppersmith,  to  have  it 
furbished  up  for  the  direful  occasion.  Venus  vowed  by  her 
chastity  to  patronize  the  Swedes,  and  in  semblance  of  a  blear- 
eyed  trull  paraded  the  battlements  of  Fort  Christina,  accom 
panied  by  Diana,  as  a  sergeant's  widow,  of  cracked  reputation. 
The  noted  bully,  Mars,  stuck  two  horse-pistols  into  his  belt, 
shouldered  a  rusty  firelock,  and  gallantly  swaggered  at  their 
elbow,  as  a  drunken  corporal — while  Apollo  trudged  in  their 
rear,  as  a  bandy-legged  fifer,  playing  most  villanously  out  of 
tune. 

On  the  other  side,  the  ox-eyed  Juno,  who  had  gained  a 
pair  of  black  eyes  over  night,  in  one  of  her  curtain  lectures 
with  old  Jupiter,  displayed  her  haughty  beauties  on  a  baggage 
wagon — Minerva,  as  a  brawny  gin-suttler,  tucked  up  her 
skirts,  brandished  her  fists,  and  swore  most  heroically,  in  ex 
ceeding  bad  Dutch  (having  but  lately  studied  the  language,) 
by  way  of  keeping  up  the  spirits  of  the  soldiers, ;  while  Vul 
can  halted  as  a  club-footed  blacksmith,  lately  promoted  to  be 
a  captain  of  militia.  All  was  silent  awe,  or  bustling  prepara 
tion  :  war  reared  his  horrid  front,  gnashed  loud  his  iron  fangs, 
and  shook  his  direful  crest  of  bristling  bayonets. 

And  now  the  mightychieftains  marshalled  out  their  hosts. 
Here  stood  stout  Risingh,  firm  as  a  thousand  rocks — incrust- 
cd  with  stockades,  and  intrenched  to  the  chin  in  mud  batteries. 
His  valiant  soldiery  lined  the  breastwork  in  grim  array,  each 
having  his  mustachios  fiercely  greased,  and  his  hair  pomatum- 


376  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

cd  back,  and  queued  so  stiffly,  that  he  grinned  above  the  ram 
parts  like  a  grisly  death's  head. 

There  came  on  the  intrepid  Peter — his  brows  knit,  his 
teeth  set,  his  fists  clenched,  almost  breathing  forth  volumes  of 
smoke,  so  fierce  was  the  fire  that  raged  within  his  bosom.  His 
faithful  squire  Van  Corlear  trudged  valiantly  at  his  heels, 
with  his  trumpet  gorgeously  bedecked  with  red  and  yellow 
ribbons,  the  remembrances  of  his  fair  mistresses  at  the  Man- 
hattoes.  Then  came  waddling  on  the  sturdy  chivalry  of  the 
Hudson.  There  were  the  Van  Wycks,  and  the  Van  Dycks, 
and  the  Ten  Eycks — the  Van  Nesses,  the  Van  Tassels,  the 
Van  Grolls  ;  the  Van  Hcesens,  the  Van  Giesons,  and  the  Van 
Blarcoms — the  Van  Warts,  the  Van  Winkles,  the  Van  Dams  ; 
the  Van  Pelts,  the  Van  Rippers,  and  the  Van  Brunts.  There 
were  the  Van  Homes,  the  Van  Hooks,  the  Van  Bunschotens  ; 
the  Van  Gelders,  the  Van  Arsdales,  and  the  Van  Bummels ; 
the  Vander  Belts,  the  Vander  Hoofs,  the  Vander  Voorts,  the 
Vander  Lyns,  the  Vander  Pools,  and  the  Vander  Spiegles — 
then  came  the  HofFmans,  the  Hooghlands,  the  Hoppers,  the 
Cloppers,  the  Ryckmans,  the  Dyckmans,  the  Hogebooms,  the 
Rosebooms,  the  Oothouts,  the  Quackenbosses,  the  Roorbacks, 
the  Garrebrantzes,  the  Bensons,  the  Brouwers,  the  Waldrons, 
the  Onderdonks,  the  Varra  Vangers,  the  Schermcrhorns,  the 
Stoutenburghs,  the  BrinkerhofTs,  the  Bontecous,  the  Knicker 
bockers,  the  Hockstrassers,  the  Ten  Breecheses  and  the  Tough 
Breecheses,  with  a  host  more  of  worthies,  whose  names  arc 
too  crabbed  to  be  written,  or  if  they  could  be  written,  it 
would  be  impossible  for  man  to  utter — all  fortified  with  a 
mighty  dinner,  and  to  use  the  words  of  a  great  Dutch  poet, 
"  Brimful  of  wrath  and  cabbage." 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  377 

For  an  instant  the  mighty  Peter  paused  in  the  midst  of 
his  career,  and  mounting  on  a  stump,  addressed  his  troops  in 
eloquent  Low  Dutch,  exhorting  them  to  fight  like  duyvels,  and 
assuring  them  that  if  they  conquered,  they  should  get  plenty 
of  booty — if  they  fell,  they  should  be  allowed  the  satisfaction, 
while  dying,  of  reflecting  that  it  was  in  the  service  of  their 
country — and  after  they  were  dead,  of  seeing  their  names  in 
scribed  in  the  temple  of  renown,  and  handed  down,  in  com 
pany  with  all  the  other  great  men  of  the  year,  for  the  admi 
ration  of  posterity. — Finally,  he  swore  to  them,  on  the  word 
of  a  governor  (and  they  knew  him  too  well  to  doubt  it  for  a 
moment),  that  if  he  caught  any  mother's  son  of  them  looking 
pale,  or  playing  craven,  he  would  curry  his  hide  till  he  made 
him  run  out  of  it  like  a  snake  in  spring  time. — Then  lugging 
out  his  trusty  sabre,  he  brandished  it  three  times  over  his 
head,  ordered  Van  Corlear  to  sound  a  charge,  and  shouting 
the  words  "  St.  Nicholas  and  the  Manhattoes  !  "  courageously 
dashed  forwards.  His  warlike  followers,  who  had  employed 
the  interval  in  lighting  their  pipes,  instantly  stuck  them  into 
their  mouths,  gave  a  furious  puff,  and  charged  gallantly  under 
cover  of  the  smoke. 

The  Swedish  garrison,  ordered  by  the  cunning  Risingh  not 
to  fire  until  they  could  distinguish  the  whites  of  their  assail 
ants'  eyes,  stood  in  horrid  silence  on  the  covert-way,  until  the 
eager  Dutchmen  had  ascended  the  glacis.  Then  did  they  pour 
into  them  such  a  tremendous  volley,  that  the  very  hills  quaked 
around,  and  were  terrified  even  unto  an  incontinence  of  water, 
insomuch  that  certain  springs  burst  forth  from  their  sides, 
which  continue  to  run  unto  the  present  day.  Not  a  Dutch 
man  but  would  have  bitten  the  dust  beneath  that  dreadful  fire, 


378  IIISTO-KY    OF    NJiW    YOKK. 

had  not  the  protecting  Minerva  kindly  taken  care  that  the 
Swedes  should,  one  and  all,  observe  their  usual  custom  of 
shutting  their  eyes  and  turning  away  their  heads  at  the  mo 
ment  of  discharge. 

The  Swedes  followed  up  their  fire  by  leaping  the  counter 
scarp,  and  falling  tooth  and  nail  upon  the  foe  with  furious  out 
cries.  x\nd  nowr  might  be  seen  prodigies  of  valor,  unmatched 
in  history  or  song.  Here  was  the  sturdy  Stoffcl  Brinkerhoff 
brandishing  his  quarter-staff,  like  the  giant  Blanderon  his  oak 
tree  (for  he  scorned  to  carry  any  other  weapon),  and  drum 
ming  a  horrific  tune  upon  the  hard  heads  of  the  Swedish  sol 
diery.  There  were  the  Van  Kortlandts,  posted  at  a  distance, 
like  the  Locrian  archers  of  yore,  and  plying  it  most  potently 
with  the  long-bow,  for  which  they  were  so  justly  renowned. 
On  a  rising  knoll  were  gathered  the  valiant  men  of  Sing-Sing, 
assisting  marvellously  in  the  fight,  by  chanting  the  great  song 
of  St.  Nicholas  ;  but  as  to  the  Gardem'ers  of  Hudson,  they 
were  absent  on  a  marauding  party,  laying  waste  the  neighbor 
ing  watermelon  patches. 

In  a  different  part  of  the  field  were  the  Van  Grolls  of  An 
thony's  Nose,  struggling  to  get  to  the  thickest  of  the  fight, 
but  horribly  perplexed  in  a  defile  between  two  hills,  by  reason 
of  the  length  of  their  noses.  So  also  the  Van  Bunschotens  of 
Nyack  and  Kakiat,  so  renowned  for  kicking  with  the  left  foot, 
were  brought  to  a  stand  for  want  of  wind,  in  consequence  of 
the  hearty  dinner  they  had  eaten,  and  would  have  been  put  to 
utter  rout  but  for  the  arrival  of  a  gallant  corps  of  voltigeurs, 
composed  of  the  Hoppers,  who  advanced  nimbly  to  their  as 
sistance  on  one  foot.  Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  valiant 
achievements  of  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  for  a  good  quarter 


11ISTOKY    OF    ]STP;\V    YOKK.  379 

of  an  hour,  waged  stubborn  fight  with  a  little  pursy  Swedish 
drummer ;  whose  hide  he  drummed  most  magnificently,  and 
whom  he  would  infallibly  have  annihilated  on  the  spot,  but 
that  he  had  come  into  the  battle  with  no  other  weapon  but 
his  trumpet. 

But  now  the  combat  thickened. — On  came  the  mighty 
Jacobus  Yarra  Vanger  and  the  fighting  men  of  the  Walla- 
bout  ;  after  them  thundered  the  Van  Pelts  of  Esopus,  together 
with  the  Van  Rippers  and  the  Van  Brunts,  bearing  down  all 
before  them — then  the  Suy  Dams,  and  the  Van  Dams,  press 
ing  forward  with  many  a  blustering  oath,  at  the  head  of  the 
warriors  of  Hell-gate,  clad  in  their  thunder  and  lightning  gab 
erdines  ;  and  lastly,  the  standard-bearers  and  body-guard  of 
Peter  Stuy  vesant,  bearing  the  great  beaver  of  the  Manhattoes. 

And  now  commenced  the  horrid  din,  the  desperate  strug 
gle,  the  maddening  ferocity,  the  frantic  desperation,  the  confu 
sion  and  self-abandonment  of  war.  Dutchman  and  Swede 
commingled,  tugged,  panted,  and  blowed.  The  heavens  were 
darkened  with  a  tempest  of  missives.  Bang  !  went  the  guns 
— whack  !  went  the  broad-swords — thump  !  went  the  cudgels 
— crash  !  went  the  musket-stocks  —  blows  —  kicks  —  cuffs — 
scratches — black  eyes  and  bloody  noses  swelling  the  horrors 
of  the  scene  !  Thick  thwack,  cut  and  hack,  helter-skelter, 
higgledy-piggledy,  hurly-burly,  head  over  heels,  rough  and 
tumble  ! — Dunder  and  blixum  !  swore  the  Dutchmen — splitter 
and  splutter  !  cried  the  Swedes — Storm  the  works  !  shouted 
Hardkoppig  Peter — Fire  the  mine  !  roared  stout  Risingh — 
Tanta-rar-ra-ra  !  twanged  the  trumpet  of  Antony  Van  Corlcar 
— until  all  voice  and  sound  became  unintelligible — grunts  of 
pain,  yells  of  fury,  and  shouts  of  triumph  mingling  in  one 


380  1IISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

hideous  clamor.  The  earth  shook  as  if  struck  with  a  paralytic 
stroke — trees  shrunk  aghast,  and  withered  at  the  sight — rocks 
burrowed  in  the  ground  like  rabbits — and  even  Christina 
creek  turned  from  its  course,  and  ran  up  a  hill  in  breathless 
terror  ! 

Long  hung  the  contest  doubtful,  for  though  a  heavy 
shower  of  rain,  sent  by  the  "  cloud-compelling  Jove,"  in  some 
measure  cooled  their  ardor,  as  doth  a  bucket  of  water  thrown 
on  a  group  of  fighting  mastiffs,  yet  did  they  but  pause  for  a  mo 
ment,  to  return  with  tenfold  fury  to  the  charge.  Just  at  this 
juncture  a  vast  and  dense  column  of  smoke  was  seen  slowly  roll 
ing  toward  the  scene  of  battle,  The  combatants  paused  for  a 
moment,  gazing  in  mute  astonishment,  until  the  wind,  dispell 
ing  the  murky  cloud,  revealed  the  flaunting  banner  of  Michael 
Paw,  the  Patroon  of  Communipaw.  That  valiant  chieftain 
came  fearlessly  on  at  the  head  of  a  phalanx  of  oyster-fed  Pa- 
vonians  and  a  corps  de  reserve  of  the  Van  Arsclales  and  Van 
Bummels,  who  had  remained  behind  to  digest  the  enormous 
dinner  they  had  eaten.  These  now  trudged  manfully  forward, 
smoking  their  pipes  with  outrageous  vigor,  so  as  to  raise  the 
awful  cloud  that  has  been  mentioned ;  but  marching  exceed 
ingly  slow,  being  short  of  leg,  and  of  great  rotundity  in  the 
belt. 

And  now  the  deities  who  watched  over  the  fortunes  of  the 
Ncderlanders  having  unthinkingly  left  the  field,  and  stepped 
into  a  neighboring  tavern  to  refresh  themselves  with  a  pot  of 
beer,  a  direful  catastrophe  had  well-nigh  ensued.  Scarce  had 
the  myrmidons  of  Michael  Paw  attained  the  front  of  battle, 
when  the  Swedes,  instructed  by  the  cunning  Risingh,  levelled 
a  shower  of  blows  full  at  their  tobacco-pipes.  Astounded  at 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

this  assault,  and  dismayed  at  the  havoc  of  their  pipes,  these 
ponderous  warriors  gave  way,  and  like  a  drove  of  frightened 
elephants  broke  through  the  ranks  of  their  own  army.  The 
little  Hoppers  were  borne  down  in  the  surge  :  the  sacred 
banner  emblazoned  with  the  gigantic  oyster  of  Communipaw 
was  trampled  in  the  dirt :  on  blundered  and  thundered  the 
heavv-sterned  fugitives,  the  Swedes  pressing  on  their  rear  and 
applying  their  feet  a  parte  poste  of  the  Van  Arsdales  and  the 
Van  Bummels  with  a  vigor  that  prodigiously  accelerated  their 
movements — nor  did  the  renowned  Michael  Paw  himself  fail 
to  receive  divers  grievous  and  dishonorable  visitations  of  shoe 
leather. 

But  what,  oh  Muse  !  was  the  rage  of  Peter  Stuyvesant, 
when  from  afar  he  saw  his  army  giving  way  !  In  the  trans 
ports  of  his  wrath  he  sent  forth  a  roar,  enough  to  shake  the 
very  hills.  The  men  of  the  Manhattoes  plucked  up  new 
courage  at  the  sound  ;  or  rather,  they  rallied  at  the  voice  of 
their  leader,  of  whom  they  stood  more  in  awe  than  of  all  the 
Swedes  in  Christendom.  Without  wraiting  for  their  aid,  the 
daring  Peter  dashed  sword  in  hand  into  the  thickest  of  the 
foe.  Then  might  be  seen  achievements  worthy  of  the  days 
of  the  giants.  Wherever  he  went,  the  enemy  shrank  before 
him ;  the  Swedes  fled  to  right  and  left,  or  were  driven,  like 
dogs,  into  their  own  ditch ;  but,  as  he  pushed  forward  singly 
with  headlong  courage,  the  foe  closed  behind  and  hung  upon 
his  rear.  One  aimed  a  blow  full  at  his  heart ;  but  the  protect 
ing  power  which  watches  over  the  great  and  good  turned  aside 
the  hostile  blade  and  directed  it  to  a  side-pocket,  where  re 
posed  an  enormous  iron  tobacco-box,  endowed,  like  the  shield 
of  Achilles,  with  supernatural  powers,  doubtless  from  bearing 


382  HISTORY    OF   NEW   YORK. 

the  portrait  of  the  blessed  St.  Nicholas.  Peter  Stuyvesant 
turned  like  an  angry  bear  upon  the  foe,  and  seizing  him  as  he 
fled,  by  an  immeasurable  queue,  "  Ah,  whoreson  caterpillar," 
roared  he,  "  here's  what  shall  make  worms'  meat  of  thee  !  " 
So  saying,  he  whirled  his  sword,  and  dealt  a  blow  that  would 
have  decapitated  the  varlet,  but  that  the  pitying  steel  struck 
short  and  shaved  the  queue  forever  from  his  crown.  At  this 
moment  an  arquebusier  levelled  his  piece  from  a  neighboring 
mound,  with  deadly  aim  ;  but  the  watchful  Minerva,  who  had 
just  stopped  to  tie  up  her  garter,  seeing  the  peril  of  her  favor 
ite  hero,  sent  old  Boreas  with  his  bellows,  who,  as  the  match 
descended  to  the  pan,  gave  a  blast  that  blew  the  priming  from 
the  touch-hole. 

Thus  waged  the  fight,  when  the  stout  Risingh,  surveying 
the  field  from  the  top  of  a  little  ravelin,  perceived  his  troops 
banged,  beaten,  and  kicked  by  the  invincible  Peter.  Drawing 
his  falchion  and  uttering  a  thousand  anathemas,  he  strode 
down  to  the  scene  of  combat  with  some  such  thundering 
strides  as  Jupiter  is  said  by  Hesiod  to  have  taken,  when  he 
strode  down  the  spheres  to  hurl  his  thunderbolts  at  the  Titans. 

When  the  rival  heroes  came  face  to  face,  each  made  a  pro 
digious  start  in  the  style  of  a  veteran  stage  champion.  Then 
did  they  regard  each  other  for  a  moment  with  the  bitter  aspect 
of  two  furious  ram-cats  on  the  point  of  a  clapper-clawing. 
Then  did  they  throw  themselves  into  one  attitude,  then  into 
another,  striking  their  swords  on  the  ground,  first  on  the  right 
side,  then  on  the  left — at  last  at  it  they  went,  with  incredible 
ferocity.  Words  cannot  tell  the  prodigies  of  strength  and 
valor  displayed  in  this  direful  encounter — an  encounter  com 
pared  to  which  the  far-famed  battles  of  Ajax  with  Hector,  of 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  383 

with  Turnus,  Orlando  with  Rodomont,  Guy  of  War 
wick  with  Colbrand  the  Dane,  or  of  that  renowned  'Welsh 
knight,  Sir  Owen  of  the  Mountains  with  the  giant  Guylon, 
were  all  gentle  sports  and  holiday  recreations.  At  length 
the  valiant  Peter,  watching  his  opportunity,  aimed  a  blow, 
enough  to  cleave  his  adversary  to  the  very  chine  ;  but  Risingh, 
nimbly  raising  his  sword,  warded  it  off  so  narrowly,  that 
glancing  on  one  side,  it  shaved  away  a  huge  canteen  in  which 
he  carried  his  liquor  ;  thence  pursuing  its  trenchant  course,  it 
severed  off  a  deep  coat  pocket,  stored  with  bread  and  cheese — 
which  provant  rolling  among  the  armies,  occasioned  a  fearful 
scrambling  between  the  Swedes  and  Dutchmen,  and  made  the 
general  battle  to  wax  more  furious  than  ever. 

Enraged  to  see  his  military  stores  laid  waste,  the  stout 
Risingh,  collecting  all  his  forces,  aimed  a  mighty  blow  full  at 
the  hero's  crest.  In  vain  did  his  fierce  little  cocked  hat  oppose 
its  course.  The  biting  steel  clove  through  the  stubborn  ram 
beaver,  and  would  have  cracked  the  crown  of  any  one  not 
endowed  with  supernatural  hardness  of  head  ;  but  the  brittle 
weapon  shivered  in  pieces  on  the  skull  of  Ilardkoppig  Piet, 
shedding  a  thousand  sparks,  like  beams  of  glory,  round  his 
grizzly  visage. 

The  good  Peter  reeled  with  the  blow,  and  turning  up  his 
eyes  beheld  a  thousand  suns,  besides  moons  and  stars,  dancing 
about  the  firmament — at  length,  missing  his  footing,  by  reason 
of  his  wooden  leg,  down  he  came  on  his  seat  of  honor  with  a 
crash  which  shook  the  surrounding  hills,  and  might  have  wreck 
ed  his  frame,  had  he  not  been  received  into  a  cushion  softer 
than  velvet,  which  Providence  or  Minerva,  or  St.  Nicholas, 
or  some  cow,  had  benevolently  prepared  for  his  reception. 


••'•S4  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

The  furious  Risingh,  in  despite  of  the  maxim,  cherished 
by  all  true  knights,  that  "  fair  play  is  a  jewel,"  hastened  to 
take  advantage  of  the  hero's  fall ;  but,  as  he  stooped  to  give 
a  fatal  blow,  Peter  Stuyvesant  dealt  him  a  thwack  over  the 
sconce  with  his  wooden  leg,  which  set  a  chime  of  bells  ring 
ing  triple  bob  majors  in  his  cerebellum.  The  bewildered 
Swede  staggered  with  the  blow,  and  the  wary  Peter  seizing 
a  pocket  pistol,  which  lay  hard  by,  discharged  it  full  at  the 
head  of  the  reeling  Risingh.  Let  not  my  reader  mistake  ;  it 
was  not  a  murderous  weapon  loaded  with  powrder  and  ball ; 
but  a  little  sturdy  stone  pottle  charged  to  the  muzzle  with  a 
double  dram  of  true  Dutch  courage,  which  the  knowing  An 
tony  Van  Corlear  carried  about  him  by  way  of  replenishing 
his  valor ;  and  which  had  dropped  from  his  wallet  during  his 
furious  encounter  with  the  drummer.  The  hideous  weapon 
sang  through  the  air,  and  true  to  its  course  as  was  the  frag 
ment  of  a  rock  discharged  at  Hector  by  bully  Ajax,  encoun 
tered  the  head  of  the  gigantic  Swede  with  matchless  violence. 

This  heaven-directed  blow  decided  the  battle,  The  pon 
derous  pericranium  of  General  Jan  Risingh  sank  upon  his 
breast ;  his  knees  tottered  under  him ;  a  deathlike  torpor 
seized  upon  his  frame,  and  he  tumbled  to  the  earth  with  such 
violence,  that  old  Pluto  started  with  affright,  lest  he  should 
have  broken  through  the  roof  of  his  infernal  palace. 

His  fall  was  the  signal  of  defeat  and  victory — the  Swedes 
gave  way — the  Dutch  pressed  forward ;  the  former  took  to 
their  heels,  the  latter  hotly  pursued. — Some  entered  with 
them,  pell-mell,  through  the  sally-port — others  stormed  the 
bastion,  and  others  scrambled  over  the  curtain.  Thus  in  a 
little  while  the  fortress  of  Fort  Christina,  which  like  another 


HISTOIiY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 


385 


Troy,  had  stood  a  siege  of  full  ten  hours,  was  carried  by  as 
sault,  without  the  loss  of  a  single  man  on  either  side.  Vic 
tory,  in  the  likeness  of  a  gigantic  ox-fly,  sat  perched  upon  the 
cocked  hat  of  the  gallant  Stuyvesant,  and  it  was  declared,  by 
all  the  writers  whom  he  hired  to  write  the  history  of  his  ex 
pedition,  that  on  this  memorable  day  he  gained  a  sufficient 
quantity  of  glory  to  immortalize  a  dozen  of  the  greatest 
heroes  in  Christendom  ! 


17 


-  :^&_yi(e 


CHAPTER  IX. 

IN  WHICH  THE  AUTHOR  AND  THE  READER,  WHILE  REPOSING  AFTER  THE 
BATTLE,  FALL  INTO  A  VERY  GRAVE  DISCOURSE AFTER  WHICH  IS  RE 
CORDED  THE  CONDUCT  OF  PETER  STUYVESANT  AFTER  HIS  VICTORY. 

rpHANKS  to  St.  Nicholas,  we  have  safely  finished  this  tre- 
-*~  mendous  battle  :  let  us  sit  down,  my  worthy  reader,  and 
cool  ourselves,  for  I  am  in  a  prodigious  sweat  and  agitation — 
truly  this  fighting  of  battles  is  hot  work  !  and  if  your  great 
commanders  did  but  know  what  trouble  they  give  their  histo 
rians,  they  would  not  have  the  conscience  to  achieve  so  many 
horrible  victories.  But  methinks  I  hear  my  reader  complain, 
that  throughout  this  boasted  battle  there  is  not  the  least 
slaughter,  nor  a  single  individual  maimed,  if  we  except  the 
unhappy  Swede,  who  was  shorn  of  his  queue  by  the  trenchant 
blade  of  Peter  Stuy  vesant ;  all  which,  he  observes,  is  a  great 
outrage  on  probability,  and  highly  injurious  to  the  interest  of 
the  narration. 

This  is  certainly  an  objection  of  no  little  moment,  but  it  arises 
entirely  from  the  obscurity  enveloping  the  remote  periods  of 
time  about  which  I  have  undertaken  to  write.  Thus,  though 
doubtless,  from  the  importance  of  the  object,  and  the  prowess 
of  the  parties  concerned,  there  must  have  been  terrible  car 
nage,  and  prodigies  of  valor  displayed  before  the  walls  of 


MISTOKY    OF    NrEW    YOKK.  387 

Christina,  yet,  notwithstanding  that  I  have  consulted  every 
history,  manuscript,  and  tradition,  touching  this  memorable 
though  long-forgotten  battle,  I  cannot  find  mention  made  of  a 
single  man  killed  or  wounded  in  the  whole  affair. 

This  is,  without  doubt,  owing  to  the  extreme  modesty  of 
our  forefathers,  who,  unlike  their  descendants,  were  never 
prone  to  vaunt  of  their  achievements  ;  but  it  is  a  virtue  which 
places  their  historian  in  a  most  embarrassing  predicament; 
for,  having  promised  my  readers  a  hideous  and  unparalleled 
battle,  and  having  worked  them  up  into  a  warlike  and  blood 
thirsty  state  of  mind ;  to  put  them  off  without  any  havoc  and 
slaughter  would  have  been  as  bitter  a  disappointment  as  to 
summon  a  multitude  of  good  people  to  attend  an  execcution, 
and  then  cruelly  balk  them  by  a  reprieve. 

Had  the  fates  only  allowed  me  some  half  a  score  of  dead 
men,  I  had  been  content ;  for  I  would  have  made  them  such 
heroes  as  abounded  in  the  olden  time,  but  whose  race  is  now 
unfortunately  extinct ;  any  one  of  whom,  if  we  may  believe 
those  authentic  writers,  the  poets,  could  drive  great  armies, 
like  sheep,  before  him,  and  conquer  and  desolate  whole  cities 
by  his  single  arm. 

But  seeing  that  I  had  not  a  single  life  at  my  disposal,  all 
that  was  loft  me  was  to  make  the  most  I  could  of  my  battle, 
by  means  of  kicks,  and  cuffs,  and  bruises,  and  such  like  igno 
ble  wounds.  And  here  I  cannot  but  compare  my  dilemma,  in 
some  sort,  to  that  of  the  divine  Milton,  who,  having  arrayed 
with  sublime  preparation  his  immortal  hosts  against  each 
other,  is  sadly  put  to  it  how  to  manage  them,  and  how  he 
shall  make  the  end  of  his  battle  answer  to  the  beginning ; 
inasmuch  as,  being  mere  spirits,  he  cannot  deal  a  mortal  blow, 


388  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

nor  even  give  a  flesh  wound  to  any  of  his  combatants.  For 
my  part,  the  greatest  difficulty  I  found  was,  when  I  had  once 
put  my  warriors  in  a  passion,  and  let  them  loose  into  the 
midst  of  the  enemy,  to  keep  them  from  doing  mischief.  Many 
a  time  had  I  to  restrain  the  sturdy  Peter  from  cleaving  a 
gigantic  Swede  to  the  very  waistband,  or  spitting  half  a  dozen 
little  fellows  on  his  sword,  like  so  many  sparrows.  And 
when  I  had  set  some  hundred  of  missives  flying  in  the  air,  I 
did  not  dare  to  suffer  one  of  them  to  reach  the  ground,  lest  it 
should  have  put  an  end  to  some  unlucky  Dutchman. 

The  reader  cannot  conceive  how  mortifying  it  is  to  a 
writer  thus  in  a  manner  to  have  his  hands  tied,  and  how  many 
tempting  opportunities  I  had  to  wink  at,  wrhere  I  might  have 
made  as  fine  a  death-blow  as  any  recorded  in  history  or  song. 

From  my  own  experience  I  begin  to  doubt  most  potently 
of  the  authenticity  of  many  of  Homer's  stories.  1  verily  be 
lieve,  that  when  he  had  once  launched  one  of  his  favorite  he 
roes  among  a  crowd  of  the  enemy,  he  cui;  down  many  an 
honest  fellow,  without  any  authority  for  so  doing,  excepting 
that  he  presented  a  fair  mark — and  that  often  a  poor  fellow 
was  sent  to  grim  Pluto's  domains,  merely  because  he  had  a 
name  that  would  give  a  sounding  turn  to  a  period.  But  I 
disclaim  all  such  unprincipled  liberties — let  me  but  have  truth 
and  the  law  on  my  side,  and  no  man  would  fight  harder  than 
myself — but  since  the  various  records  I  consulted  did  not  war 
rant  it,  I  had  too  much  conscience  to  kill  a  single  soldier.  By 
St.  Nicholas,  but  it  would  have  been  a  pretty  piece  of  busi 
ness  !  My  enemies,  the  critics,  who  I  foresee  will  be  ready 
enough  to  lay  any  crime  they  can  discover  at  my  door,  might 
have  charged  me  with  murder  outright — and  I  should  hn\v 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  389 

esteemed  myself  lucky  to  escape  with  no  harsher  verdict  than 
manslaughter ! 

And  now,  gentle  reader,  that  we  are  tranquilly  sitting 
down  here,  smoking  our  pipes,  permit  me  to  indulge  in  a  mel 
ancholy  reflection  which  at  this  moment  passes  across  my 
mind.  How  vain,  how  fleeting,  how  uncertain  are  all  those 
gaudy  bubbles  after  which  we  are  panting  and  toiling  in  this 
world  of  fair  delusions  !  The  wealth  which  the  miser  has 
amassed  with  so  many  weary  days,  so  many  sleepless  nights, 
a  spendthrift  here  may  squander  away  in  joyless  prodigality  ; 
— the  noblest  monuments  which  pride  has  ever  reared  to  per 
petuate  a  name,  the  hand  of  time  will  shortly  tumble  into 
ruins — and  even  the  brightest  laurels,  gained  by  feats  of  arms, 
may  wither,  and  be  forever  blighted  by  the  chilling  neglect  of 
mankind.  "  How  many  illustrious  heroes,"  says  the  good 
Boetius,  "  who  were  once  the  pride  and  glory  of  the  age,  hath 
the  silence  of  historians  buried  in  eternal  oblivion  !  "  And 
this  it  was  that  induced  the  Spartans,  when  they  went  to  battle, 
solemnly  to  sacrifice  to  the  Muses,  supplicating  that  their 
achievements  might  be  worthily  recorded.  Had  not  Homer 
tuned  his  lofty  lyre,  observes  the  elegant  Cicero,  the  valor  of 
Achilles  had  remained  unsung.  And  such,  too,  after  all  the 
toils  and  perils  he  had  braved,  after  all  the  gallant  actions  he 
had  achieved,  such  too  had  nearly  been  the  fate  of  the  chivalric 
Peter  Stuyvesant,  but  that  I  fortunately  stepped  in  and  en 
graved  his  name  on  the  indelible  tablet  of  history,  just  as  the 
caitiff  Time  was  silently  brushing  it  away  forever  ! 

The  more  I  reflect,  the  more  I  am  astonished  at  the  im 
portant  character  of  the  historian.  He  is  the  sovereign  censor 
to  decide  upon  the  renown  or  infamy  of  his  fellow  men.  He 


390  HKSTOKV    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

is  the  patron  of  kings  and  conquerors,  on  whom  it  depends 
whether  they  shall  live  in  after  ages,  or  be  forgotten  as  were 
their  ancestors  before  them.  The  tyrant  may  oppress  while 
the  object  of  his  tyranny  exists ;  but  the  historian  possesses 
superior  might,  for  his  power  extends  even  beyond  the  grave. 
The  shades  of  departed  and  long-forgotten  heroes  anxiously 
bend  down  from  above,  while  he  writes,  watching  each  move 
ment  of  his  pen,  whether  it  shall  pass  by  their  names  with 
neglect,  or  inscribe  them  on  the  deathless  pages  of  renown. 
Even  the  drop  of  ink  which  hangs  trembling  on  his  pen,  which 
he  may  either  dash  upon  the  floor,  or  waste  in  idle  scrawlings 

that  very  drop,  which  to  him  is  not  worth  the  twentieth 

part  of  a  farthing,  may  be  of  incalculable  value  to  some  de 
parted  worthy — may  elevate  half  a  score,  in  one  moment,  to 
immortality,  who  would  have  given  worlds,  had  they  pos 
sessed  them,  to  insure  the  glorious  meed. 

Let  not  my  readers  imagine,  however,  that  I  am  indulging 
in  vainglorious  boastings,  or  am  anxious  to  blazon  forth  the 
importance  of  my  tribe.  On  the  contrary,  I  shrink  when  I 
reflect  on  the  awful  responsibility  we  historians  assume — I 
shudder  to  think  what  direful  commotions  and  calamities  we 
occasion  in  the  world— I  swear  to  thee,  honest  reader,  as  I  am 
a  man,  I  weep  at  the  very  idea !  Why,  let  me  ask,  are  so 
many  illustrious  men  daily  tearing  themselves  away  from  the 
embraces  of  their  families— slighting  the  smiles  of  beauty- 
despising  the  allurements  of  fortune,  and  exposing  themselves 
to  the  miseries  of  war  ? — Why  are  kings  desolating  empires, 
and  depopulating  whole  countries  ?  In  short,  what  induces  all 
great  men  of  all  ages  and  countries,  to  commit  so  many  vic 
tories  and  misdeeds,  and  inflict  so  many  miseries  upon  man- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  391 

kind  and  upon  themselves,  but  the  mere  hope  that  some  his 
torian  will  kindly  take  them  into  notice,  and  admit  them  into 
a  corner  of  his  volume  1  For,  in  short,  the  mighty  object  of 
all  their  toils,  their  hardships,  and  privations,  is  nothing  but 

immortal  fame.  And  what  is  immortal  fame  ? why.  half  a 

page  of  dirty  paper  ! alas  !  alas  !  how  humiliating  the  idea 

— that  the  renown  of  so  great  a  man  as  Peter  Stuyvesant 
should  depend  upon  the  pen  of  so  little  a  man  as  Diedrich 
Knickerbocker  ! 

And  now,  having  refreshed  ourselves  after  the  fatigues  and 
perils  of  the  field,  it  behooves  us  to  return  once  more  to  the 
scene  of  conflict,  and  inquire  what  were  the  results  of  this  re 
nowned  conquest.  The  fortress  of  Christina  being  the  fair 
metropolis,  and  in  a  manner  the  key  to  New  Sweden,  its  cap 
ture  was  speedily  followed  by  the  entire  subjugation  of  the 
province.  This  was  not  a  little  promoted  by  the  gallant  and 
courteous  deportment  of  the  chivalric  Peter.  Though  a  man 
terrible  in  battle,  yet  in  the  hour  of  victory  was  he  endued 
with  a  spirit  generous,  merciful,  arid  humane.  He  vaunted 
not  over  his  enemies,  nor  did  he  make  defeat  more  galling  by 
unmanly  insults  ;  for  like  that  mirror  of  knightly  virtue,  the 
renowned  Paladin  Orlando,  he  was  more  anxious  to  do  great 
actions  than  to  talk  of  them  after  they  were  done.  He  put 
no  man  to  death  ;  ordered  no  houses  to  be  burnt  down  ;  per 
mitted  no  ravages  to  be  perpetrated  on  the  property  of  the 
vanquished  ;  and  even  gave  one  of  his  bravest  officers  a  severe 
admonishment  with  his  walking  staff,  for  having  been  detected 
in  the  act  of  sacking  a  hen-roost. 

He  moreover  issued  a  proclamation,  inviting  the  inhabi 
tants  to  submit  to  the  authority  of  their  High  Mightinesses; 


392  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

but  declaring,  with  unexampled  clemency,  that  whoever  re 
fused  should  be  lodged  at  the  public  expense  in  a  goodly  castle 
provided  for  the  purpose,  and  have  an  armed  retinue  to  wait 
on  them  in  the  bargain.  In  consequence  of  these  beneficent 
terms,  about  thirty  Swedes  stepped  manfully  forward  and 
took  the  oath  of  allegiance ;  in  reward  for  which  they  were 
graciously  permitted  to  remain  on  the  banks  of  the  Delaware, 
where  their  descendants  reside  at  this  very  day.  I  am  told, 
however,  by  divers  observant  travellers,  that  they  have  never 
been  able  to  get  over  the  chap-fallen  looks  of  their  ancestors  ; 
but  that  they  still  do  strangely  transmit  from  father  to  son 
manifest  marks  of  the  sound  drubbing  given  them  by  the 
sturdy  Amsterdammers. 

The  whole  country  of  New  Sweden,  having  thus  yielded 
to  the  arms  of  the  triumphant  Peter,  was  reduced  to  a  colony 
called  South  River,  and  placed  under  the  superintendence  of  a 
lieutenant-governor ;  subject  to  the  control  of  the  supreme 
government  of  New  Amsterdam.  This  great  dignitary  was 
called  Mynheer  William  Beekman,  or  rather  JBeck-man,  who 
derived  his  surname,  as  did  Ovidious  Naso  of  yore,  from  the 
lordly  dimensions  of  his  nose,  which  projected  from  the  centre 
of  his  countenance,  like  the  beak  of  a  parrot.  He  was  the 
great  progenitor  of  the  tribe  of  the  Beekmans,  one  of  the  most 
ancient  and  honorable  families  of  the  province ;  the  members 
of  which  do  gratefully  commemorate  the  origin  of  their  dig 
nity  ;  not  as  your  noble  families  in  England  would  do,  by 
having  a  glowing  proboscis  emblazoned  in  their  escutcheon ; 
but  by  one  and  all  wearing  a  right  goodly  nose,  stuck  in  the 
very  middle  of  their  faces. 

Thus  was  this  perilous  enterprise  gloriously  terminated, 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  393 

with  the  loss  of  only  two  men, — Wolfert  Van  Home,  a  tall 
spare  man,  who  was  knocked  overboard  by  the  boom  of  a 
sloop  in  a  flaw  of  wind  ;  and  fat  Brom  Van  Bummel,  who  was 
suddenly  carried  off  by  an  indigestion ;  both,  however,  were 
immortalized,  as  having  bravely  fallen  in  the  service  of  their 
country.  True  it  is,  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  one  of  his  limbs 
terribly  fractured  in  the  act  of  storming  the  fortress  ;  but  as 
it  was  fortunately  his  wooden  leg,  the  wound  was  promptly 
and  effectually  healed. 

And  now  nothing  remains  to  this  branch  of  my  history 
but  to  mention  that  this  immaculate  hero,  and  his  victorious 
army,  returned  joyously  to  the  Manhattoes ;  where  they  made 
a  solemn  and  triumphant  entry,  bearing  with  them  the  con 
quered  Risingh,  and  the  remnant  of  his  battered  crew,  who 
had  refused  allegiance ;  for  it  appears  that  the  gigantic  Swede 
had  only  fallen  into  a  swoon,  at  the  end  of  the  battle,  from 
which  he  was  speedily  restored  by  a  wholesome  tweak  of  the 
nose. 

These  captive  heroes  were  lodged,  according  to  the  promise 
of  the  governor,  at  the  public  expense,  in  a  fair  and  spacious 
castle ;  being  the  prison  of  state,  of  which  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff, 
the  immortal  conqueror  of  Oyster  Bay,  was  appointed  gover 
nor  ;  and  which  has  ever  since  remained  in  the  possession  of 
his  descendants.* 

It  was  a  pleasant  and  goodly  sight  to  witness  the  joy  of 
the  people  of  New  Amsterdam,  at  beholding  their  warriors 
once  more  return  from  this  war  in  the  wilderness.  The  old 
women  thronged  round  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who  gave  the 

*  This  castle,  though  very  much  altered  and  modernized,  is  still  in 
being,  and  stands  at  the  corner  of  Pearl-street,  facing  Coentie's  slip. 
17* 


394  HISTORY     OF    JSJiW    YOKE.. 

whole  history  of  the  campaign  with  matchless  accuracy;  sav 
ing  that  he  took  the  credit  of  fighting  the  whole  battle  himself, 
and  especially  of  vanquishing  the  stout  Risingh;  which  he 
considered  himself  as  clearly  entitled  to,  seeing  that  it  was 
effected  by  his  own  stone  pottle. 

The  schoolmasters  throughout  the  town  gave  holiday  to 
their  little  urchins,  who  followed  in  droves  after  the  drums, 
with  paper  caps  on  their  heads,  and  sticks  in  their  breeches, 
thus  taking  the  first  lesson  in  the  art  of  war.  As  to  the 
sturdy  rabble,  they  thronged  at  the  heels  of  Peter  Stuyvesant 
wherever  he  went,  waving  their  greasy  hats  in  the  air,  and 
shouting  "  Hardkoppig  Piet  forever  !  " 

It  was  indeed  a  day  of  roaring  rout  and  jubilee.  A  huge 
dinner  was  prepared  at  the  Stadthouse  in  honor  of  the  con 
querors,  where  were  assembled  in  one  glorious  constellation  the 
great  and  little  luminaries  of  New  Amsterdam.  There  were 
the  lordly  Schout  and  his  obsequious  deputy — the  burgomas 
ters  with  their  officious  schepens  at  their  elbows — the  sub 
altern  officers  at  the  elbows  of  the  schepens,  and  so  on  down 
to  the  lowest  hanger-on  of  police  :  every  tag  having  his  rag  at 
his  side,  to  finish  his  pipe,  drink  off  his  heel-taps,  and  laugh  at 
his  flights  of  immortal  dulness.  In  short — for  a  city  feast  is 
a  city  feast  all  the  world  over,  and  has  been  a  city  feast  ever 
since  the  creation — the  dinner  went  off  much  the  same  as  do 
our  great  corporation  junketings  and  Fourth  of  July  banquets. 
Loads  of  fish,  flesh,  and  fowl  were  devoured,  oceans  of  liquor 
drank,  thousands  of  pipes  smoked,  and  many  a  dull  joke  hon 
ored  with  much  obstreperous  fat-sided  laughter. 

I  must  not  omit  to  mention,  that  to  this  far-famed  victory 
Peter  Stuyvesant  was  indebted  for  another  of  his  many  titles 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  395 

— for  so  hugely  delighted  were  the  honest  burghers  with  his 
achievements,  that  they  unanimously  honored  him  with  the 
name  of  Pieter  de  Groodt,  that  is  to  say  Peter  the  Great ;  or, 
as  it  was  translated  into  English  by  the  people  of  New  Am 
sterdam,  for  the  benefit  of  their  New  England  visitors,  Piet 
de  pig — an  appellation  which  he  maintained  even  unto  the  day 
of  his  death. 


BOOK  VII. 


CONTAINING  THE  THIRD  PART  OF  THE  REIGN  OF  PETER  THE 
HEADSTRONG— HIS  TROUBLES  WITH  THE  BRITISH  NATION, 
AND  THE  DECLINE  AND  FALL  OF  THE  DUTCH  DYNASTY. 


CHAPTER  I. 

HOVT  PETER  STUYVESANT  RELIEVED  THE  SOVEREIGN  PEOPLE  FROM  THE 
BURTHEN  OF  TAKING  CARE  OF  THE  NATION  ;  WITH  SUNDRY  PARTICU 
LARS  OF  HIS  CONDUCT  IN  TIME  OF  PEACE,  AND  OF  THE  RISE  OF  A 
GREAT  DUTCH  ARISTOCRACY. 

THE  history  of  the  reign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  furnishes  an 
edifying  picture  of  the  cares  and  vexations  inseparable 
from  sovereignty,  and  a  solemn  warning  to  all  who  are  am 
bitious  of  attaining  the  seat  of  honor.  Though  returning  in 
triumph  and  crowned  with  victory,  his  exultation  was  checked 
on  observing  the  abuses  which  had  sprung  up  in  New  Amster 
dam  during  his  short  absence.  His  walking-staff,  which  he 
had  sent  home  to  act  as  vicegerent,  had,  it  is  true,  kept  his 
council-chamber  in  order  ;  the  counsellors  eyeing  it  with  awe, 
as  it  lay  in  grim  repose,  upon  the  table,  and  smoking  their 
pipes  in  silence ;  but  its  control  extended  not  out  of  doors. 

The  populace  unfortunately  had  had  too  much  their  own  way 
under  the  slack  though  fitful  reign  of  William  the  Testy ;  and 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOEK.  397 

though  upon  the  accession  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  they  had  felt, 
with  the  instinctive  perception  which  mobs  as  well  as  cattle 
possess,  that  the  reins  of  government  had  passed  into  stronger 
hands,  yet  could  they  not  help  fretting  and  chafing  and  champ 
ing  upon  the  bit,  in  restive  silence. 

Scarcely,  therefore,  had  he  departed  on  his  expedition 
against  the  Swedes,  than  the  old  factions  of  William  Kieft's 
reign  had  again  thrust  their  heads  above  water.  Pot-house 
meetings  were  again  held  to  "  discuss  the  state  of  the  nation," 
where  cobblers,  tinkers,  and  tailors,  the  self-dubbed  "  friends 
of  the  people,"  once  more  felt  themselves  inspired  with  the 
gift  of  legislation,  and  undertook  to  lecture  on  every  movement 
of  government. 

Now,  as  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  a  singular  inclination  to 
govern  the  province  by  his  individual  will,  his  first  move,  on 
his  return,  was  to  put  a  stop  to  this  gratuitous  legislation. 
Accordingly,  one  evening,  when  an  inspired  cobbler  wras  hold 
ing  forth  to  an  assemblage  of  the  kind,  the  intrepid  Peter 
suddenly  made  his  appearance,  with  his  ominous  walking-staff 
in  his  hand,  and  a  countenance  sufficient  to  petrify  a  mill-stone. 
The  whole  meeting  was  thrown  into  confusion — the  orator 
stood  aghast,  with  open  mouth  and  trembling  knees,  while 
"  horror  !  tyranny  !  liberty  !  rights  !  taxes  !  death !  destruc 
tion  ! "  and  a  host  of  other  patriotic  phrases  were  bolted  forth 
before  he  had  time  to  close  his  lips.  Peter  took  no  notice  of 
the  skulking  throng,  but  strode  up  to  the  brawling  bully-ruffian, 
and  pulling  out  a  huge  silver  watch,  which  might  have  served 
in  times  of  yore  as  a  town-clock,  and  which  is  still  retained 
by  his  descendants  as  a  family  curiosity,  requested  the  orator 
to  mend  it,  and  set  it  going.  The  orator  humbly  confessed  it 


398  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 


was  utterly  out  of  his  power,  as  he  was  unacquainted  with  the 
nature  of  its  construction.  "  Nay,  but,"  said  Peter,  "  try  your 
ingenuity,  man  :  you  see  all  the  springs  and  wheels,  and  how 
easily  the  clumsiest  hand  may  stop  it,  and  pull  it  to  pieces ; 
and  why  should  it  not  be  equally  easy  to  regulate  as  to  stop 
it  ? "'  The  orator  declared  that  his  trade  was  wholly  different 
— that  he  was  a  poor  cobbler,  and  had  never  meddled  with  a 
watch  in  his  life — that  there  were  men  skilled  in  the  art,  whose 
business  it  was  to  attend  to  those  matters ;  but  for  his  part, 
he  should  only  mar  the  workmanship  and  put  the  whole  in 
confusion.  "  Why,  harkee,  master  of  mine,"  cried  Peter, 
— turning  suddenly  upon  him,  with  a  countenance  that  almost 
petrified  the  patcher  of  shoes  into  a  perfect  lapstone — "  dost 
thou  pretend  to  meddle  with  the  movements  of  government 
— to  regulate,  and  correct,  and  patch,  and  cobble  a  complicated 
machine,  the  principles  of  which  are  above  thy  comprehension, 
and  its  simplest  operations  too  subtle  for  thy  understanding, 
when  thou  canst  not  correct  a  trifling  error  in  a  common  piece 
of  mechanism,  the  whole  mystery  of  which  is  open  to  thy 
inspection  ? — Hence  with  thee  to  the  leather  and  stone,  which 
are  emblems  of  thy  head ;  cobble  thy  shoes,  and  confine  thyself 
to  the  vocation  for  which  Heaven  has  fitted  thee.  But,"  elevat 
ing  his  voice  until  it  made  the  welkin  ring,  "  if  ever  I  catch 
thee,  or  any  of  thy  tribe,  meddling  again  with  affairs  of  govern 
ment,  by  St.  Nicholas,  but  I'll  have  every  mother's  bastard 
of  ye  flay'd  alive,  and  your  hides  stretched  for  drum-heads, 
that  ye  may  thenceforth  make  a  noise  to  some  purpose  ! " 

This  threat,  and  the  tremendous  voice  in  which  it  was 
uttered,  caused  the  whole  multitude  to  quake  with  fear.  The 
hair  of  the  orator  rose  on  his  head  like  his  own  swines' 


HISTOltY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  399 

bristles,  and  not  a  knight  of  the  thimble  present  but  his 
heart  died  within  him,  and  he  felt  as  though  he  could  have 
verily  escaped  through  the  eye  of  a  needle.  The  assembly 
dispersed  in  silent  consternation  ;  the  pscudo  statesmen,  who 
had  hitherto  undertaken  to  regulate  public  affairs,  were  now 
fain  to  stay  at  home,  hold  their  tongues,  and  take  care  of  their 
families ;  and  party  feuds  died  away  to  such  a  degree,  that 
many  thriving  keepers  of  taverns  and  dram-shops  were  utterly 
ruined  for  want  of  business.  But  though  this  measure  pro 
duced  the  desired  effect  in  putting  an  extinguisher  on  the 
new  lights  just  brightening  up  :  yet  did  it  tend  to  injure  the 
popularity  of  the  Great  Peter  with  the  thinking  part  of  the 
community  :  that  is  to  say,  that  part  which  thinks  for  others 
instead  of  for  themselves;  or,  in  other  words,  who  attend  to 
every  body's  business  but  their  own.  These  accused  the  old 
governor  of  being  highly  aristocrat ical,  and  in  truth  there 
seems  to  have  been  some  ground  for  such  an  accusation  ;  for  lie 
carried  himself  with  a  lofty  soldier-like  air,  and  was  some 
what  particular  in  dress,  appearing,  when  not  in  uniform,  in 
rich  apparel  of  the  antique  fiaimdrish  cut,  and  was  especially 
noted  for  having  his  sound  leg  (which  was  a  very  comely  one) 
always  arrayed  in  a  red  stocking  and  high-heeled  shoe. 

Justice  he  often  dispensed  in  the  primitive  patriarchal  way, 
seated  on  the  "  stoep  "  before  his  door,  under  the  shade  of  a 
great  button-wood  tree  ;  but  all  visits  of  form  and  state  \veiv 
received  with  something  of  court  ceremony  in  the  best  park-:1 : 
where  Antony  the  Trumpeter  ofiiciatrd  as  high  chamberlain. 
On  public  occasions  he  appeared  with  great  pomp  of  equipage, 
and  always  rode  to  church  in  a  yellow  wagon  with  flaming  red 
wheels. 


400  IIISTOEY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

These  symptoms  of  state  and  ceremony,  as  we  have  hinted, 
were  much  cavilled  at  by  the  thinking  (and  talking)  part  of  the 
community.  They  had  been  accustomed  to  find  easy  access  to 
their  former  governors,  and  in  particular  had  lived  on  terms 
of  extreme  intimacy  with  William  the  Testy,  and  they  accused 
Peter  Stuyvesant  of  assuming  too  much  dignity  and  reserve, 
and  of  wrapping  himself  in  mystery.  Others,  however,  have 
pretended  to  discover  in  all  this  a  shrewd  policy  on  the  part 
of  the  old  governor.  It  is  certainly  of  the  first  importance, 
say  they,  that  a  country  should  be  governed  by  wise  men : 
but  then  it  is  almost  equally  important  that  the  people  should 
think  them  wise ;  for  this  belief  alone  can  produce  willing 
subordination.  To  keep  up,  however,  this  desirable  confidence 
in  rulers,  the  people  should  be  allowed  to  see  as  little  of  them 
as  possible.  It  is  the  mystery  which  envelopes  great  men, 
that  gives  them  half  their  greatness.  There  is  a  kind  of 
superstitious  reverence  for  office  which  leads  us  to  exaggerate 
the  merits  of  the  occupant ;  and  to  suppose  that  he  must  be 
wiser  than  common  men.  He,  however,  who  gains  access  to 
cabinets,  soon  finds  out  by  what  foolishness  the  world  is 
governed.  He  finds  that  there  is  quackery  in  legislation  as  in 
every  thing  else  ;  that  rulers  have  their  whims  and  errors  as 
well  as  other  men,  and  are  not  so  wonderfully  superior  as  he 
had  imagined,  since  even  he  may  occasionally  confute  them  in 
argument.  Thus  awe  subsides  into  confidence,  confidence 
inspires  familiarity,  and  familiarity  produces  contempt.  Such 
was  the  case,  say  they,  with  William  the  Testy.  By  making 
himself  too  easy  of  access,  he  enabled  every  scrub-politician  to 
measure  wits  with  him,  and  to  find  out  the  true  dimensions 
not  only  of  his  person  but  of  his  mind  :  and  thus  it  was  that. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  401 

by  being  familiarly  scanned,  he  was  discovered  to  be  a  very 
little  man.  Peter  Stuyvesant  on  the  contrary,  say  they,  by 
conducting  himself  with  dignity  and  loftiness,  was  looked  up 
to  with  great  reverence.  As  he  never  gave  his  reasons  for 
any  thing  he  did,  the  public  gave  him  credit  for  very  profound 
ones  ;  every  movement,  however  intrinsically  unimportant, 
was  a  matter  of  speculation ;  and  his  very  red  stockings 
excited  some  respect,  as  being  different  from  the  stockings  of 
other  men. 

Another  charge  against  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  that  he  had 
a  great  leaning  in  favor  of  the  patricians :  and  indeed  in  his 
time  rose  many  of  those  mighty  Dutch  families  which  have 
taken  such  vigorous  root,  and  branched  out  so  luxuriantly  in 
our  State,  Some,  to  be  sure,  were  of  earlier  date,  such  as 
the  Van  Kortlandts,  the  Van  Zandts,  the  Ten  Broecks,  the 
Harden  Broecks,  and  others  of  Pavonian  renown,  who  gloried 
in  the  title  of  "  Discoverers,"  from  having  been  engaged  in 
the  nautical  expedition  from  Communipaw,  in  which  they  so 
heroically  braved  the  terrors  of  Hell-gate  and  Buttermilk- 
channel,  and  discovered  a  site  for  New  Amsterdam. 

Others  claimed  to  themselves  the  appellation  of  Conquerors, 
from  their  gallant  achievements  in  New  Sweden  and  their 
victory  over  the  Yankees  at  Oyster  Bay.  Such  was  that  list 
of  warlike  worthies  heretofore  enumerated,  beginning  with  the 
Van  Wycks,  the  Van  Dycks,  and  the  Ten  Eycks,  and  extend 
ing  to  the  Rutgers,  the  Bensons,  the  Brinkcrhoffs,  and  the 
Schermerhorns ;  a  roll  equal  to  the  Doomsday  Book  of  Wil 
liam  the  Conqueror,  and  establishing  the  heroic  origin  of 
many  an  ancient  aristocratical  Dutch  family.  These,  after 
all,  are  the  only  legitimate  nobility  and  lords  of  the  soil ; 


402  HISTOKY    OF    IS'ENV    YOKK. 

these  are  the  real  "  beavers  of  the  Manhattoes  ;  "  and  much 
does  it  grieve  me  in  modern  days  to  see  them  elbowed  aside 
by  foreign  invaders,  and  more  especially  by  those  ingenious 
people,  "  the  Sons  of  the  Pilgrims  ;  "  who  out-bargain  them 
in  the  market,  out-speculate  them  on  the  exchange,  out-top 
them  in  fortune,  and  run  up  mushroom  palaces  so  high,  that 
the  tallest  Dutch  family  mansion  has  not  wind  enough  left  for 
its  weather-cock. 

In  the  proud  days  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  however,  the  good 
old  Dutch  aristocracy  loomed  out  in  all  its  grandeur.  The 
burly  burgher,  in  round-crowned  flaundrish  hat  with  brim  of 
vast  circumference ;  in  portly  gabardine  and  bulbous  multi 
plicity  of  breeches,  sat  on  his  "  stoep  "  and  smoked  his  pipe 
in  lordly  silence,  nor  did  it  ever  enter  his  brain  that  the 
active,  restless  Yankee,  whom  he  saw  through  his  half-shut 
eyes  worrying  about  in  dog-day  heat,  ever  intent  on  the  main 
chance,  was  one  day  to  usurp  control  over  these  goodly  Dutch 
domains.  Already,  however,  the  races  regarded  each  other 
with  disparaging  eyes.  The  Yankees  sneeringly  spoke  of  the 
round-crowned  burghers  of  the  Manhattoes  as  the  "  Copper 
heads  ;  "  while  the  latter,  glorying  in  their  own  nether  rotun 
dity,  and  observing  the  slack  galligaskins  of  their  rivals,  flap 
ping  like  an  empty  sail  against  the  mast,  retorted  upon  them 
with  the  opprobrious  appellation  of  "  Platter-breeches." 


CHAPTER  II. 

HOW    PETER    STUYVESANT    LABORED    TO    CIVILIZE    THE    COMMUNITY HOW  HE 

WAS    A    GREAT    PROMOTER    OF    HOLYDAYS — HOW    HE    INSTITUTED   KISSING 

ON  NEW-YEAR'S  DAY — now  HE  DISTRIBUTED  FIDDLES  THROUGHOUT  THE 

NEW    NETHERLANDS HOW  HE    VENTURED    TO    REFORM    THE    LADIES*  PET 
TICOATS,  AND    HOW  HE    CAUGHT    A    TARTAR. 

FROM  what  I  have  recounted  in  the  foregoing  chapter  I 
would  not  have  it  imagined  that  the  great  Peter  was  a 
tyrannical  potentate,  ruling  with  a  rod  of  iron.  On  the  con 
trary,  where  the  dignity  of  office  permitted  he  abounded  in 
generosity  and  condescension.  If  he  refused  the  brawling 
multitude  the  right  of  misrule,  he  at  least  endeavored  to  rule 
them  in  righteousness.  To  spread  abundance  in  the  land,  he 
obliged  the  bakers  to  give  thirteen  loaves  to  the  dozen — a 
golden  rule  which  remains  a  monument  of  his  beneficence. 
So  far  from  indulging  in  unreasonable  austerity,  he  delighted 
to  see  the  poor  and  the  laboring  man  rejoice  ;  and  for  this 
purpose  he  was  a  great  promoter  of  holy  days.  Under  his 
reign  there  was  a  great  cracking  of  eggs  at  Paas  or  Easter ; 
Whitsuntide  or  Pinxter  also  flourished  in  all  its  bloom  ;  and 
never  were  stockings  better  filled  on  the  eve  of  the  blessed 
St.  Nicholas. 

New-year's  day,  however,  was  his  favorite  festival,  and 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

was  ushered  in  by  the  ringing  of  bells  and  firing  of  guns. 
On  that  genial  day  the  fountains  of  hospitality  were  broken 
up,  and  the  whole  community  was  deluged  with  cherry-bran 
dy,  true  Hollands,  and  mulled  cider  ;  every  house  was  a  tem 
ple  of  the  jolly  god;  and  many  a  provident  vagabond  got 
drunk  out  of  pure  economy,  taking  in  liquor  enough  gratis  to 
serve  him  half  a  year  afterwards. 

The  great  assemblage,  however,  was  at  the  governor's 
house,  whither  repaired  all  the  burghers  of  New  Amsterdam 
with  their  wives  and  daughters,  pranked  out  in  their  best 
attire.  On  this  occasion  the  good  Peter  was  devoutly  ob 
servant  of  the  pious  Dutch  rite  of  kissing  the  women-kind  for 
a  happy  new-year ;  and  it  is  traditional  that  Antony  the 
Trumpeter,  who  acted  as  gentleman  usher,  took  toll  of  all  who 
were  young  and  handsome,  as  they  passed  through  the  ante 
chamber.  This  venerable  custom,  thus  happily  introduced, 
was  followed  with  such  zeal  by  high  and  low,  that  on  new- 
year's  day,  during  the  reign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  New  Am 
sterdam  was  the  most  thoroughly  be-kissed  community  in  all 
Christendom.  Another  great  measure  of  Peter  Stuyvesant 
for  public  improvement  was  the  distribution  of  fiddles 
throughout  the  land.  These  were  placed  in  the  hands  of 
veteran  negroes,  who  were  despatched  as  missionaries  to  every 
part  of  the  province.  This  measure,  it  is  said,  was  first  sug 
gested  by  Antony  the  Trumpeter  ;  and  the  effect  was  marvel 
lous.  Instead  of  those  "  indignation  meetings  "  set  on  foot  in 
the  time  of  William  the  Testy,  where  men  met  together  to 
rail  at  public  abuses,  groan  over  the  evils  of  the  times,  and 
make  each  other  miserable,  there  were  joyous  gatherings  of 
the  two  sexes  to  dance  and  make  merry.  Now  were  insti- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  405 

tuted  "  quilting  bees,"  and  "  husking  bees,"  and  other  rural 
assemblages,  where,  under  the  inspiring  influence  of  the  fiddle, 
toil  was  enlivened  by  gayety  and  followed  up  by  the  dance. 
"  Raising  bees  "  also  were  frequent,  where  houses  sprung  up 
at  the  wagging  of  the  fiddle-sticks,  as  the  walls  of  Thebes 
sprang  up  of  yore  to  the  sound  of  the  lyre  of  Amphion. 

Jolly  autumn,  which  pours  its  treasures  over  hill  and  dale, 
*vas  in  those  days  a  season  for  the  lifting  of  the  heel  as  well 
as  the  heart ;  labor  came  dancing  in  the  train  of  abundance, 
and  frolic  prevailed  throughout  the  land.  Happy  days  !  when 
the  yeomanry  of  the  Nieuw  Nederlands  were  merry  rather 
than  wise  ;  and  when  the  notes  of  the  fiddle,  those  harbingers 
of  good  humor  and  good  will,  resounded  at  the  close  of  the 
day  from  every  hamlet  along  the  Hudson  ! 

Nor  was  it  in  rural  communities  alone  that  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  introduced  his  favorite  engine  of  civilization.  Under 
his  rule  the  fiddle  acquired  that  potent  sway  in  New  Amster 
dam  which  it  has  ever  since  retained.  Weekly  assemblages 
were  held,  not  in  heated  ball-rooms  at  midnight  hours,  but  on 
Saturday  afternoons,  by  the  golden  light  of  the  sun,  on  the 
green  lawn  of  the  battery  ;  with  Antony  the  Trumpeter  for 
master  of  ceremonies.  Here  would  the  good  Peter  take  his 
seat  under  the  spreading  trees,  among  the  old  burghers  and 
their  wives,  and  watch  the  mazes  of  the  dance.  Here  would 
he  smoke  his  pipe,  crack  his  joke,  and  forget  the  rugged  toils 
of  war,  in  the  sweet  oblivious  festivities  of  peace,  giving  a 
nod  of  approbation  to  those  of  the  young  men  who  shuflled 
and  kicked  most  vigorously ;  and  now  and  then  a  hearty 
smack,  in  all  honesty  of  soul,  to  the  buxom  lass  who  held  out 


406  IIISTOliY    OK    XEW    YOliK. 

longest,  and  tired  down  every  competitor  ;  infallible  proof  of 
her  being  the  best  dancer. 

Once,  it  is  true,  the  harmony  of  these  meetings  was  in  dan 
ger  of  interruption.  A  young  belle,  just  returned  from  a  visit 
to  Holland,  who  of  course  led  the  fashions,  made  her  appear 
ance  in  not  more  than  half  a  dozen  petticoats,  and  these  of 
alarming  shortness.  A  whisper  and  a  flutter  ran  through  the 
assembly.  The  young  men,  of  course,  were  lost  in  admiration ; 
but  the  old  ladies  were  shocked  in  the  extreme,  especially 
those  who  had  marriageable  daughters ;  the  young  ladies 
blushed  and  felt  excessively  for  the  "  poor  thing,"  and  even 
the  governor  himself  appeared  to  be  in  some  kind  of  pertur 
bation. 

To  complete  the  confusion  of  the  good  folks,  she  under 
took,  in  the  course  of  a  jig,  to  describe  some  figures  in  alge 
bra  taught  her  by  a  dancing-master  at  Rotterdam.  Unfortu 
nately,  at  the  highest  flourish  of  her  feet  some  vagabond 
zephyr  obtruded  his  services,  and  a  display  of  the  graces  took 
place,  at  which  all  the  ladies  present  were  thrown  into  great 
consternation  ;  several  grave  country  members  were  not  a 
little  moved,  and  the  good  Peter  Stuyvesant  himself  was 
grievously  scandalized. 

The  shortness  of  the  females  dress,  which  had  continued 
in  fashion  ever  since  the  days  of  William  Kieft,  had  long 
offended  his  eye ;  and  though  extremely  averse  to  meddling 
with  the  petticoats  of  the  ladies,  yet  he  immediately  recom 
mended  that  every  one  should  be  furnished  with  a  flounce  to 
the  bottom.  He  likewise  ordered  that  the  ladies,  and  indeed 
the  gentlemen,  should  use  no  other  step  in  dancing  than 
'*  shuffle  and  turn,"  and  "  double  trouble  ;"  and  forbade,  under 


IIISTOltY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  407 

pain  of  his  high  displeasure,  any  young  lady  thenceforth  to 
attempt  what  was  termed  "  exhibiting  the  graces." 

These  were  the  only  restrictions  he  ever  imposed  upon  the 
sex,  and  these  were  considered  by  them  as  tyrannical  oppres 
sions,  and  resisted  with  that  becoming  spirit  manifested  by 
the  gentle  sex  whenever  their  privileges  are  invaded.  In  fact, 
Antony  Van  Corlear,  who,  as  has  been  showrn,  was  a  sagacious 
man,  experienced  in  the  ways  of  Mromen,  took  a  private  oc 
casion  to  intimate  to  the  governor  that  a  conspiracy  was  form 
ing  among  the  young  vrouws  of  New  Amsterdam  ;  and  that, 
if  the  matter  were  pushed  any  further,  there  was  danger  of 
their  leaving  off  petticoats  altogether  ;  whereupon  the  good 
Peter  shrugged  his  shoulders,  dropped  the  subject,  and  ever 
after  suffered  the  women  to  wear  their  petticoats  and  cut  their 
capers  as  high  as  they  pleased  ;  a  privilege  which  they  have 
jealously  maintained  in  the  Manhattoes  unto  the  present  day. 


CHAPTER  III. 

HOW    TROUBLES    THICKEN    ON    THE    PROVINCE HOW    IT    IS    THREATENED    BY 

THE    IIELDERBERGERS,    THE     MERRYLANDERS,    AND     THE    GIANTS    OF    THE 
SUSQUEIIANNA. 

TN  the  last  two  chapters  I  have  regaled  the  reader  with  a 
L  delectable  picture  of  the  good  Peter  and  his  metropolis 
during  an  interval  of  peace.  It  was,  however,  but  a  bit  of 
blue  sky  in  a  stormy  day  ;  the  clouds  are  again  gathering  up 
from  all  points  of  the  compass,  and,  if  I  am  not  mistaken  in 
my  forebodings,  we  shall  have  rattling  weather  in  the  ensuing 
chapters. 

It  is  with  some  communities  as  it  is  with  certain  meddle 
some  individuals ;  they  have  a  wonderful  facility  at  getting 
into  scrapes,  and  I  have  always  remarked  that  those  are  most 
prone  to  get  in  who  have  the  least  talent  at  getting  out  again. 
This  is  doubtless  owing  to  the  excessive  valor  of  those  states  ; 
for  I  have  likewise  noticed  that  this  rampant  quality  is  always 
mosb  frothy  and  fussy  where  most  confined  ;  which  accounts 
for  its  vaporing  so  amazingly  in  little  states,  little  men  and 
ugly  little  women  more  especially. 

Such  is  the  case  with  this  little  province  of  the  Nieuw 
Nederlands  ;  which,  by  its  exceeding  valor,  has  already  drawn 
upon  itself  a  host  of  enemies  ;  has  had  fighting  enough  to 


HISTOEY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  409 

satisfy  a  province  twice  its  size  ;  and  is  in  a  fair  way  of  be 
coming  an  exceedingly  forlorn,  well-belabored,  and  woe-be- 
gone  little  province.  All  which  was  providentially  ordered 
to  give  interest  and  sublimity  to  this  pathetic  history. 

The  first  interruption  to  the  halcyon  quiet  of  Peter  Stuy- 
vesant  was  caused  by  hostile  intelligence  from  the  old  bellige 
rent  nest  of  Rensellaerstein.  Killian,  the  lordly  patroon  of 
Rensellaerwick,  was  again  in  the  field,  at  the  head  of  his  myr 
midons  of  the  Helderberg  ;  seeking  to  annex  the  whole  of  the 
Kaats-kill  mountains  to  his  dominions.  The  Indian  tribes  of 
these  mountains  had  likewise  taken  up  the  hatchet  and 
menaced  the  venerable  Dutch  settlement  of  Esopus. 

Fain  would  I  entertain  the  reader  with  the  triumphant 
campaign  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  in  the  haunted  regions  of  those 
mountains ;  but  that  I  hold  all  Indian  conflicts  to  be  mere 
barbaric  brawls,  unworthy  of  the  pen  which  has  recorded  the 
classic  war  of  Fort  Christina ;  and  as  to  these  Helderberg 
commotions,  they  are  among  the  flatulencies  which  from  time 
to  time  afflict  the  bowels  of  this  ancient  province,  as  with  a 
wind-colic,  and  which  I  deem  It  seemly  and  decent  to  pass  over 
in  silence. 

The  next  storm  of  trouble  was  from  the  south.  Scarcely 
had  the  worthy  Mynheer  Beekman  got  warm  in  the  scat  of 
authority  on  the  South  River,  than  enemies  began  to  spring 
up  all  around  him.  Hard  by  was  a  formidable  race  of  sav 
ages  inhabiting  the  gentle  region  watered  by  the  Susquehanna, 
of  whom  the  following  mention  is  made  by  Master  Hariot, 
in  his  excellent  history  : 

"  The  Susquesahanocks  are  a  giantly  people,  strange  in  pro 
portion,  behavior  and  attire — their  voice  sounding  from  them 
18 


410  HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

as  out  of  a  cave.  Their  tobacco-pipes  were  three-quarters  of 
a  yard  long ;  carved  at  the  great  end  with  a  bird,  beare,  or 
other  device,  sufficient  to  beat  out  the  brains  of  a  horse.  The 
calfe  of  one  of  their  legges  measured  three-quarters  of  a  yard 
about ;  the  rest  of  the  limbs  proportionable."* 

These  gigantic  savages  and  smokers  caused  no  little  dis 
quiet  in  the  mind  of  Mynheer  Beekman,  threatening  to  cause 
a  famine  of  tobacco  in  the  land ;  but  his  most  formidable 
enemy  was  the  roaring,  roystering  English  colony  of  Mary 
land,  or  as  it  was  anciently  written  Merryland  ;  so  called  be 
cause  the  inhabitants,  not  having  the  fear  of  the  Lord  before 
their  eyes,  were  prone  to  make  merry  and  get  fuddled  with 
mint-julep  and  apple-toddy.  They  were,  moreover,  great 
horse-racers  and  cock-fighters ;  mighty  wrestlers  and  jump 
ers,  and  enormous  consumers  of  hoe-cake  and  bacon.  They 
lay  claim  to  be  the  first  inventors  of  those  recondite  beverages, 
cock-tail,  stone-fence,  and  sherry  cobbler,  and  to  have  discov 
ered  the  gastronomical  merits  of  terrapins,  soft  crabs,  and 
canvas-back  ducks. 

This  rantipolo  colony,  founded  by  Lord  Baltimore,  a  Brit 
ish  nobleman,  was  managed  by  his  agent,  a  swaggering  Eng 
lishman,  commonly  called  Fendall  ;  that  is  to  say,  "  offend 
all,"  a  name  given  him  for  his  bullying  propensities.  These 
were  seen  in  a  message  to  Mynheer  Beekman,  threatening  him, 
unless  he  immediately  swore  allegiance  to  Lord  Baltimore  as 
the  rightful  lord  of  the  soil,  to  come,  at  the  head  of  the  roar 
ing  boys  of  Merryland  and  the  giants  of  the  Susquehanna, 
and  sweep  him  and  his  Nedcrlanders  out  of  the  country. 

*  Harlot's  Journal,  Purch.  Pilgrims. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  411 

The  trusty  sword  of  Peter  Stuy  vesant  almost  leaped  from 
its  scabbard,  when  he  received  missives  from  Mynheer  Beek- 
man,  informing  him  of  the  swaggering  menaces  of  the  bully 
Fendall ;  and  as  to  the  giantly  warriors  of  the  Susquehanna, 
nothing  would  have  more  delighted  him  than  a  bout,  hand  to 
hand,  with  half  a  score  of  them  ;  having  never  encountered  a 
giant  in  the  whole  course  of  his  campaigns,  unless  we  may 
consider  the  stout  Risingh  as  such — and  he  was  but  a  little 
one. 

Nothing  prevented  his  marching  instantly  to  the  South 
River  and  enacting  scenes  still  more  glorious  than  those  of 
Fort  Christina,  but  the  necessity  of  first  putting  a  stop  to  the 
increasing  aggressions  and  inroads  of  the  Yankees,  so  as  not 
to  leave  an  enemy  in  his  rear  ;  but  he  wrote  to  Mynheer 
Beekman  to  keep  up  a  bold  front  and  stout  heart,  promising, 
as  soon  as  he  had  settled  affairs  in  the  east,  that  he  would 
hasten  to  the  south  with  his  burly  warriors  of  the  Hudson,  to 
lower  the  crests  of  the  giants,  and  mar  the  merriment  of  the 
Merry  landers. 


CHAPTER  IY. 


HOW    PETER    STUYVESANT  ADVENTURED    IXTO    THE    EAST    COUNTRY  AND    HOW 
HE    FARED    THERE. 


explain  the  apparently  sudden  movement  of  Peter  Stuy- 
vesnnt  against  the  crafty  men  of  the  East  Country.  I 
would  observe  that,  during  his  campaigns  on  the  South  River, 
and  in  the  enchanted  regions  of  the  Catskill  Mountains,  the 
twelve  tribes  of  the  East  had  been  more  than  usually  active 
in  prosecuting  their  subtle  scheme  for  the  subjugation  of  the 
Nicuw  Nederlands. 

Independent  of  the  incessant  maraudings  among  hen-roosts 
and  squattings  along  the  border,  invading  armies  would  pene 
trate,  from  time  to  time,  into  the  very  heart  of  the  country. 
As  their  prototypes  of  yore  went  forth  into  the  land  of  Ca 
naan,  with  their  wives  and  their  children,  their  men-servants 
and  their  maid-servants,  their  flocks  and  herds,  to  settle  thorn- 
salves  down  in  the  land  and  possess  it ;  so  these  chosen  peo 
pie  of  modern  days  would  progress  through  the  country  in 
patriarchal  style;  conducting  carts  and  wagons  laden  with 
In  Mist-hold  furniture,  with  women  and  children  piled  on  top, 
and  puts  and  kettles  dangling  beneath.  At  the  tails  of  these 
vehicles  would  stalk  a  crew  of  long-limbod,  lank-sided  varlHs, 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  413 

with  axes  on  their  shoulders  and  packs  on  their  backs,  reso 
lutely  bent  upon  "  locating"  themselves,  as  they  termed  it, 
and  improving  the  country.  These  were  the  most  dangerous 
kind  of  invaders.  It  is  true  they  were  guilty  of  no  overt  acts 
of  hostility  ;  but  it  was  notorious  that,  wherever  they  got  a 
footing,  the  honest  Dutchmen  gradually  disappeared,  retiring 
slowly  as  do  the  Indians  before  the  wrhite  men ;  being  in  some 
way  or  other  talked  and  chaffed,  and  bargained  and  swapped, 
and,  in  plain  English,  elbowed  out  of  all  those  rich  bottoms 
and  fertile  nooks  in  which  our  Dutch  yeomanry  are  prone  to 
nestle  themselves. 

Peter  Stuy  vesant  was  at  length  roused  to  this  kind  of  war 
in  disguise,  by  which  the  Yankees  were  craftily  aiming  to  sub 
jugate  his  dominions.  lie  was  a  man  easily  taken  in,  it  is 
true,  as  all  great-hearted  men  are  apt  to  be ;  but  if  he  once 
found  it  out,  his  wrath  was  terrible.  lie  now  threw  diplo 
macy  to  the  dogs  ;  determined  to  appear  no  more  by  ambas 
sadors,  but  to  repair  in  person  to  the  great  council  of  the 
Amphictyons,  bearing  the  sword  in  one  hand  and  the  olive 
branch  in  the  other  ;  and  giving  them  their  choice  of  sincere 
and  honest  peace,  or  open  and  iron  war. 

His  privy  councillors  were  astonished  and  dismayed  when 
he  announced  his  determination.  For  once  they  ventured  to 
remonstrate,  setting  forth  the  rashness  of  venturing  his  sacred 
person  in  the  midst  of  a  strange  and  barbarous  people.  They 
might  as  well  have  tried  to  turn  a  rusty  weather-cock  with 
a  broken-winded  bellows.  In  the  ftery  heart  of  the  iron-head 
ed  Peter  sat  enthroned  the  five  kiuJs  of  courage  described  by 
Aristotle ;  and  had  the  philosopher  enumerated  five  hundred 
more,  I  verily  believe  he  would  have  possessed  them  all.  As 


4:14:  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

to  that  better  part  of  valor  called  discretion,  it  was  too  cold 
blooded  a  virtue  for  his  tropical  temperament. 

Summoning,  therefore,  to  his  presence  his  trusty  follower, 
Antony  Van  Corlcar,  he  commanded  him  to  hold  himself  in 
readiness  to  accompany  him  the  foil  owing  morning  on  this  his 
hazardous  enterprise.  Now  Antony  the  Trumpeter  was  by 
this  time  a  little  stricken  in  years,  but  by  dint  of  keeping  up 
a  good  heart,  and  having  never  known  care  or  sorrow  (having 
never  been  married),  he  was  still  a  hearty,  jocund,  rubicund, 
gamesome  wag,  and  of  great  capacity  in  the  doublet.  This 
last  was  ascribed  to  his  living  a  jolly  life  on  those  domains 
at  the  Hook,  which  Peter  Stuyvesant  had  granted  to  him  for 
his  gallantry  at  Fort  Casimir. 

Be  this  as  it  may,  there  was  nothing  that  more  delighted 
Antony  than  this  command  of  the  great  Peter,  for  he  could 
have  followed  the  stout-hearted  old  governor  to  the  world's 
end,  with  love  and  loyalty — and  he  moreover  still  remem 
bered  the  frolicking,  and  dancing,  and  bundling,  and  other 
disports  of  the  east  country,  and  entertained  dainty  recollec 
tions  of  numerous  kind  and  buxom  lasses,  whom  he  longed  ex 
ceedingly  again  to  encounter. 

Thus  then  did  this  mirror  of  hardihood  set  forth,  with  no 
other  attendant  but  his  trumpeter,  upon  one  of  the  most  peril 
ous  enterprises  ever  recorded  in  the  annals  of  knight-errantry. 
For  a  single  warrior  to  venture  openly  among  a  whole  nation 
()f  f0es— but,  above  all,  for  a  plain  downright  Dutchman  to 
think  of  negotiating  with  the  whole  council  of  New  England  ! 

. never  was  there  known  a  more  desperate  undertaking  !- 

Ever  since  I  have  entered  upon  the  chronicles  of  this  peerless 
but  hitherto  uncelebrated  chieftain,  has  he  kept  me  in  a  state 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  415 

of  incessant  action  and  anxiety  with  the  toils  and  dangers  he 
is  constantly  encountering — Oh  !  for  a  chapter  of  the  tranquil 
reign  of  Wouter  Van  Twiller,  that  I  might  repose  on  it  as  on 
a  feather  bed  ! 

Is  it  not  enough,  Peter  Stuyvesant,  that  I  have  once 
already  rescued  thee  from  the  machinations  of  these  terrible 
Amphictyons,  by  bringing  the  powers  of  witchcraft  to  thine 
aid  ? — Is  it  not  enough,  that  I  have  followed  thee  undaunted, 
like  a  guardian  spirit,  into  the  midst  of  the  horrid  battle  of 
Fort  Christina  '? — That  I  have  been  put  incessantly  to  my 
trumps  to  keep  thee  safe  and  sound — now  warding  off  with 
my  single  pen  the  shower  of  dastard  blows  that  fell  upon  thy 
rear — now  narrowly  shielding  thee  from  a  deadly  thrust,  by 
a  mere  tobacco-box — now  casing  thy  dauntless  skull  with 
adamant,  when  even  thy  stubborn  ram-beaver  failed  to  resist 
the  sword  of  the  stout  Risingh — and  now,  not  merely  bring 
ing  thee  off  alive,  but  triumphant,  from  the  clutches  of  the 
gigantic  Swede,  by  the  desperate  means  of  a  paltry  stone  pot 
tle  ? — Is  not  all  this  enough,  but  must  thou  still  be  plunging 
into  new  difficulties,  and  hazarding  in  headlong  enterprises 
thyself,  thy  trumpeter,  and  thy  historian? 

And  now  the  ruddy-faced  Aurora,  like  a  buxom  chamber 
maid,  draws  aside  the  sable  curtains  of  the  night,  and  out 
bounces  from  his  bed  the  jolly  red-haired  Phoebus,  startled  at 
being  caught  so  late  in  the  embraces  of  Dame  Thetis.  With 
many  a  stable-boy  oath  he  harnesses  his  brazen-footed  steeds, 
and  whips,  and  lashes,  and  splashes  up  the  firmament,  like  a 
loitering  coachman,  half  an  hour  behind  his  time.  And  now 
behold  that  imp  of  fame  and  prowess,  the  headstrong  Peter, 
bestriding  a  raw-boned,  switch-tailed  charger,  gallantly  array- 


4:16  IIISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

ed  in  full  regimentals,  and  bracing  on  his  thigh  that  trusty 
brass-hilted  sword,  which  had  wrought  such  fearful  deeds  on 
the  banks  of  the  Delaware. 

Behold  hard  after  him  his  doughty  trumpeter,  Van  Cor- 
lear,  mounted  on  a  broken-winded,  wall-eyed,  calico  mare ; 
his  stone  pottle,  which  had  laid  low  the  mighty  Risingh, 
slung  under  his  arm ;  and  his  trumpet  displayed  Tauntingly 
in  his  right  hand,  decorated  with  a  gorgeous  banner,  on  which 
is  emblazoned  the  great  beaver  of  the  Manhattoes.  See  them 
proudly  issuing  out  of  the  city-gate,  like  an  iron-clad  hero  of 
yore,  with  his  faithful  squire  at  his  heels  ;  the  populace  follow 
ing  with  their  eyes,  and  shouting  many  a  parting  wish,  and 
hearty  cheering. — Farewell,  Hardkoppig  Pict !  Farewell, 
honest  Antony  ! — Pleasant  be  your  wayfaring — prosper 
ous  your  return  !  The  stoutest  hero  that  ever  drew  a 
sword,  and  the  worthiest  trumpeter  that  ever  trod  shoe- 
leather  ! 

Legends  arc  lamentably  silent  about  the  events  that  befell 
our  adventurers  in  this  their  adventurous  travel,  excepting 
the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  which  gives  the  substance  of  a 
pleasant  little  heroic  poem,  written  on  the  occasion  by  Domi 
nie  ^Egidius  Luyck,*  who  appears  to  have  been  the  poet- 
laureat  of  New  Amsterdam.  This  inestimable  manuscript 
assures  us,  that  it  was  a  rare  spectacle  to  behold  the  great 
Peter  and  his  loyal  follower  hailing  the  morning  sun,  and  re 
joicing  in  the  clear  countenance  of  nature,  as  they  pranced  it 

*  This  Luyck  was  moreover  rector  of  the  Latin  School  in  Xieuw 
Xederlands,  1663.  There  are  two  pieces  addressed  to  JEgidius  Luyck  in 
D.  Selyn's  MSS.  of  poesies,  upon  his  marriage  with  Judith  Isendoorn. 
Old  MS. 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  4:1 7 

through  the  pastoral  scenes  of  Bloemen  Dael ;  which,  in 
those  days,  was  a  sweet  and  rural  valley,  beautified  with  many 
a  bright  wild-flower,  refreshed  by  many  a  pure  streamlet,  and 
enlivened  here  and  there  by  a  delectable  little  Dutch  cottage, 
sheltered  under  some  sloping  hill,  and  almost  buried  in  em 
bowering  trees. 

Now  did  they  enter  upon  the  confines  .of  Connecticut, 
where  they  encountered  many  grievous  difficulties  and  perils. 
At  one  place  they  were  assailed  by  a  troop  of  country  squires 
and  militia  colonels,  who,  mounted  on  goodly  steeds,  hung 
upon  their  rear  for  several  miles,  harassing  them  exceedingly 
with  guesses  and  questions,  more  especially  the  worthy  Peter, 
whose  silver-chased  leg  excited  not  a  little  marvel.  At 
another  place,  hard  by  the  renowned  town  of  Stamford,  they 
were  set  upon  by  a  great  and  mighty  legion  of  church  dea 
cons,  who  imperiously  demanded  of  them  five  shillings,  for 
travelling  on  Sunday,  and  threatened  to  carry  them  captive  to 
a  neigboring  church,  whose  steeple  peered  above  the  trees ; 
but  these  the  valiant  Peter  put  to  rout  with  little  difficulty, 
insomuch  that  they  bestrode  their  canes  and  galloped  off  in 
horrible  confusion,  leaving  their  cocked  hats  behind  in  the 
hurry  of  their  flight.  But  not  so  easily  did  he  escape  from 
the  hands  of  a  crafty  man  of  Pyquag  ;  who,  with  undaunted 
perseverance,  and  repeated  onsets,  fairly  bargained  him  out 
of  his  goodly  switch-tailed  charger,  leaving  in  place  thereof  a 
villanous,  foundered  Narragansct  pacer. 

But  maugre  all  these  hardships,  they  pursued  their  jour 
ney  cheerily  along  the  course  of  the  soft-flowing  Connecticut, 
whose  gentle  waves,  says  the  song,  roll  through  many  a  fertile 
vale  and  sunny  plain ;  now  reflecting  the  lofty  spires  of  the 
IS* 


4:18  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

bustling  city,  and  now  the  rural  beauties  of  the  humble  ham 
let  ;  now  echoing  with  the  busy  hum  of  commerce,  and  now 
with  the  cheerful  song  of  the  peasant. 

At  every  town  would  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who  was  noted 
for  warlike  punctilio,  order  the  sturdy  Antony  to  sound' a 
courteous  salutation ;  though  the  manuscript  observes,  that 
the  inhabitants  were  thrown  into  great  dismay  when  they  heard 
of  his  approach.  For  the  fame  of  his  incomparable  achieve 
ments  on  the  Delaware  had  spread  throughout  the  east  coun 
try,  and  they  dreaded  lest  he  had  come  to  take  vengeance  on 
their  manifold  transgressions. 

But  the  good  Peter  rode  through  these  towns  with  a  smil 
ing  aspect ;  waving  his  hand  with  inexpressible  majesty  and 
condescension ;  for  he  verily  believed  that  the  old  clothes 
which  these  ingenious  people  had  thrust  into  their  broken 
windows,  and  the  festoons  of  dried  apples  and  peaches  which 
ornamented  the  fronts  of  their  houses,  were  so  many  decora 
tions  in  honor  of  his  approach ;  as  it  was  the  custom  in  the 
days  of  chivalry  to  compliment  renowned  heroes  by  sumptu 
ous  displays  of  tapestry  and  gorgeous  furniture.  The  women 
crowded  to  the  doors  to  gaze  upon  him  as  he  passed,  so  much 
does  prowess  in  arms  delight  the  gentle  sex.  The  little  chil 
dren,  too,  ran  after  him  in  troops,  staring  with  wonder  at  his 
regimentals,  his  brimstone  breeches,  and  the  silver  garniture 
of  his  wooden  leg.  Nor  must  I  omit  to  mention  the  joy 
which  many  strapping  wenches  betrayed  at  beholding  the 
jovial  Van  Corlear,  who  had  whilom  delighted  them  so  much 
with  his  trumpet,  when  he  bore  the  great  Peter's  challenge  to 
the  Amphictyons.  The  kind-hearted  Antony  alighted  from 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  4:19 

his  calico  mare,  and  kissed  them  all  with  infinite  loving-kind 
ness — and  was  right  pleased  to  see  a  crew  of  little  trumpeters 
crowding  around  him  for  his  blessing;  each- of  whom  he 
patted  on  the  head,  bade  him  be  a  good  boy,  and  gave  him  a 
penny  to  buy  molasses  candy. 


CHAPTEE  Y. 


HOW    THE    f ASKEES    SECflETLY    SOUGHT     THE    AID    OF    THE    BRITISH    CABINET 
IN    THEIR    HOSTILE    SCHEMES   AGAINST    THE    MANHATTOES. 


VTOW  so  it  happened  that  while  the  great  and  good  Peter 
•*-^  Stuyvcsant,  followed  by  his  trusty  squire,  was  making 
his  chivalric  progress  through  the  east  country,  a  dark  and 
direful  scheme  of  war  against  his  beloved  province,  was  form 
ing  in  that  nursery  of  monstrous  projects,  the  British  Cabinet. 

This,  we  are  confidently  informed,  was  the  result  of  the 
secret  instigations  of  the  great  council  of  the  league ;  who, 
finding  themselves  totally  incompetent  to  vie  in  arms  with 
the  heavy-sterned  warriors  of  the  Manhattoes'  and  their  iron- 
headed  commander,  sent  emissaries  to  the  British  government, 
setting  forth  in  eloquent  language  the  wonders  and  delights 
of  this  delicious  little  Dutch  Canaan,  and  imploring  that  a 
force  might  be  sent  out  to  invade  it  by  sea,  while  they  should 
co-operate  by  land. 

These  emissaries  arrived  at  a  critical  juncture,  just  as  the 
British  Lion  was  beginning  to  bristle  up  his  mane  and  wag 
his  tail ;  for  we  arc  assured  by  the  anonymous  writer  of  the 
Stuyvesant  manuscript,  that  the  astounding  victory  of  Peter 
Stuyvcsant  at  Fort  Christina  had  resounded  throughout  Eu- 


HI8TOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

rope ;  and  his  annexation  of  the  territory  of  New  Sweden 
had  awakened  the  jealousy  of  the  British  Cabinet  for  their 
wild  lands  at  the  south.  This  jealousy  was  brought  to  a  head 
by  the  representations  of  Lord  Baltimore,  who  declared  that 
the  territory  thus  annexed  lay  within  the  lands  granted  to 
him  by  the  British  crown,  and  ho  claimed  to  be  protected  in 
his  rights.  Lord  Sterling,  another  British  subject,  claimed  the 
whole  of  Nassau  or  Long  Island,  once  the  Ophir  of  William 
the  Testy,  but  now  the  kitchen-garden  of  the  Manhattoes, 
which  he  declared  to  be  British  territory  by  the  right  of  dis 
covery,  but  unjustly  usurped  by  the  Nederlanders.  The 
result  of  all  these  rumors  and  representations  was  a  sudden 
zeal  on  the  part  of  his  majesty  Charles  the  Second,  for  the 
safety  and  well-being  of  his  transatlantic  possessions,  and  espe 
cially  for  the  recovery  of  the  New  Netherlands,  which  Yankee 
logic  had,  somehow  or  other,  proved  to  be  a  continuity 
of  the  territory  taken  possession  of  for  the  British  crown 
by  the  Pilgrims,  when  they  landed  on  Plymouth  rock,  fugi 
tives  from  British  oppression.  All  this  goodly  land,  thus 
wrongfully  held  by  the  Dutchmen,  he  presented,  in  a  fit  of 
affection,  to  his  brother  the  Duke  of  York :  a  donation  truly 
royal,  since  none  but  great  sovereigns  have  a  right  to  give 
away  what  does  not  belong  to  them.  That  this  munificent 
gift  might  not  be  merely  nominal,  his  majesty  ordered  that 
an  armament  should  be  straightway  dispatched  to  invade  the 
city  of  New  Amsterdam  by  land  and  water,  and  put  his 
brother  in  complete  possession  of  the  premises. 

Thus  critically  situated  are  the  affairs  of  the  New  Nedcr- 
laii<lcrs.  While  the  honest  burghers  are  smoking  their  pipes 
in  sober  security,  and  the  privy  councillors  are  snoring  in  the 


HISTOltY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

council  chamber  ;  while  Peter  the  Headstrong  is  undauntedly 
making  his  way  through  the  east  country  in  the  confident  hope 
by  honest  words  and  manly  deeds  to  bring  the  grand  council 
to  terms,  a  hostile  fleet  is  sweeping  like  a  thunder-cloud  across 
the  Atlantic,  soon  to  rattle  a  storm  of  war  about  the  ears  of 
the  dozing  Nederlanders,  and  to  put  the  mettle  of  their  gov 
ernor  to  the  trial. 

But  come  what  may,  I  here  pledge  my  veracity,  that  in  all 
warlike  conflicts  and  doubtful  perplexities,  he  will  ever  acquit 
himself  like  a  gallant,  noble-minded,  obstinate  old  cavalier. — 
Forward,  then,  to  the  charge  !  Shine  out,  propitious  stars,  on 
the  renowned  city  of  the  Manhattoes ;  and  the  blessing  of 
St.  Nicholas  go  with  thee — honest  Peter  Stuyvesant. 


CHAPTEE  YI. 

OP  PETER  STUYVESANT'S  EXPEDITION  INTO   THE   EAST   COUNTRY,  SHOWING 
THAT,  THOUGH  AN  OLD  BIRD,  HE  DID  NOT  UNDERSTAND  TRAP. 

GREAT  nations  resemble  great  men  in  this  particular,  that 
their  greatness  is  seldom  known  until  they  get  in  trouble; 
adversity,  therefore,  has  been  wisely  denominated  the  ordeal  of 
true  greatness,  which,  like  gold,  can  never  receive  its  real  esti 
mation  until  it  has  passed  through  the  furnace.  In  propor 
tion,  therefore,  as  a  nation,  a  community,  or  an  individual 
(possessing  the  inherent  quality  of  greatness)  is  involved  in 
perils  and  misfortunes,  in  proportion  does  it  rise  in  grandeur 
— and  even  when  sinking  under  calamity,  makes,  like  a  house 
on  fire,  a  more  glorious  display  then  ever  it  did  in  the  fairest 
period  of  its  prosperity. 

The  vast  empire  of  China,  though  teeming  with  population 
and  imbibing  and  concentrating  the  wealth  of  nations,  has 
vegetated  through  a  succession  of  drowsy  ages  ;  and  were  it 
not  for  its  internal  revolutions,  and  the  subversion  of  its  an 
cient  government  by  the  Tartars,  might  have  presented  noth 
ing  but  a  dull  detail  of  monotonous  prosperity.  Pompeii  and 
Herculaneum  might  have  passed  into  oblivion,  with  a  herd  of 
their  contemporaries,  had  they  not  been  fortunately  over- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

whelmed  by  a  volcano.  The  renowned  city  of  Troy  acquired 
celebrity  only  from  its  ten  years'  distress,  and  final  conflagra 
tion  :  Paris  rose  in  importance  by  the  plots  and  massacres 
which  ended  in  the  exaltation  of  Napoleon :  and  even  the 
mighty  London  has  skulked  through  the  records  of  time,  cele 
brated  for  nothing  of  moment  excepting  the  plague,  the  great 
fire,  and  Guy  Faux's  gunpowder  plot !  Thus  cities  and  em 
pires  creep  along,  enlarging  in  silent  obscurity,  until  they 
burst  forth  in  some  tremendous  calamity — and  snatch,  as  it 
were,  immortality  from  the  explosion  ! 

The  above  principle  being  admitted,  my  reader  will  plain 
ly  perceive  that  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  and  its  depend 
ent  province  are  on  the  high  road  to  greatness.  Dangers 
and  hostilities  threaten  from  every  side,  and  it  is  really  a 
matter  of  astonishment,  how  so  small  a  state  has  been  able,  in 
so  short  a  time,  to  entangle  itself  in  so  many  difficulties.  Ever 
since  the  province  was  first  taken  by  the  nose,  at  the  Fort  of 
Goed  Hoop,  in  the  tranquil  days  of  "Wouter  Van  Twiller, 
has  it  been  gradually  increasing  in  historic  importance ;  and 
never  could  it  have  had  a  more  appropriate  chieftain  to  con 
duct  it  to  the  pinnacle  of  grandeur  than  Peter  Stuyvesant. 

This  truly  headstrong  hero  having  successfully  effected  his 
daring  progress  through  the  east  country,  girded  up  his  loins 
as  he  approached  Boston,  and  prepared  for  the  grand  onslaught 
with  the  Amphictyons,  which  was  to  be  the  crowning  achieve 
ment  of  the  campaign.  Throwing  Antony  Van  Corlear,  who, 
with  his  calico  mare,  formed  his  escort  and  army,  a  little  in  the 
advance,  and  bidding  him  be  of  stout  heart  and  great  wind;  he 
placed  himself  firmly  in  his  saddle,  cocked  his  hat  more  fierce 
ly  over  his  left  eye,  summoned  all  the  heroism  of  his  soul  in- 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

to  his  countenance,  and,  with  one  arm  akimbo,  the  hand  rest 
ing  on  the  pommel  of  his  sword,  rode  into  the  great  metropo 
lis  of  the  league,  Antony  sounding  his  trumpet  before  him  in 
a  manner  to  electrify  the  whole  community. 

Never  was  there  such  a  stir  in  Boston  as  on  this  occasion ; 
never  such  a  hurrying  hither  and  thither  about  the  streets  ; 
such  popping  of  heads  out  of  windows ;  such  gathering  of 
knots  in  market-places.  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  a  straightfor 
ward  man,  and  prone  to  do  every  thing  above  board.  He 
would  have  ridden  at  once  to  the  great  council-house  of  the 
league  and  sounded  a  parley  ;  but  the  grand  council  knew  the 
mettlesome  hero  they  had  to  deal  with,  and  were  not  for  doing 
things  in  a  hurry.  On  the  contrary  they  sent  forth  deputa 
tions  to  meet  him  on  the  way  ;  to  receive  him  in  a  style  befit 
ting  the  great  potentate  of  the  Manhattoes,  and  to  multiply  all 
kinds  of  honors,  and  ceremonies,  and  formalities,  and  other 
courteous  impediments  in  his  path.  Solemn  banquets  were 
accordingly  given  him,  equal  to  thanksgiving  feasts.  Compli 
mentary  speeches  were  made  him,  wherein  he  was  entertained 
with  the  surpassing  virtues,  long  sufferings,  and  achievements 
of  the  Pilgrim  Fathers  ;  and  it  is  even  said  he  was  treated  to 
a  sight  of  Plymouth  Rock,  that  great  corner-stone  of  Yankee 
empire. 

I  will  not  detain  my  readers  by  recounting  the  endless 
devices  by  which  time  was  wasted,  and  obstacles  and  delays 
multiplied  to  the  infinite  annoyance  of  the  impatient  Peter. 
Neither  will  I  fatigue  them  by  dwelling  on  his  negotiations 
with  the  grand  council,  when  he  at  length  brought  them  to 
business.  Suffice  it  to  say,  it  was  like  most  other  diplomatic 
negotiations  ;  a  great  deal  was  said  and  ycry  little  done  ;  one 


426  IIISTOKY    OF   KEW    YOKK. 

conversation  led  to  another,  one  conference  begot  misunder 
standings  which  it  took  a  dozen  conferences  to  explain,  at  the 
end  of  which  both  parties  found  themselves  just  where  they 
had  begun,  but  ten  times  less  likely  to  come  to  an  agreement. 

In  the  midst  of  these  perplexities  which  bewildered  the 
brain  and  incensed  the  ire  of  honest  Peter,  he  received  pri 
vate  intelligence  of  the  dark  conspiracy  matured  in  the  British 
cabinet,  with  the  astounding  fact  that  a  British  squadron  was 
already  on  the  way  to  invade  New  Amsterdam  by  sea ;  and 
that  the  grand  council  of  Amphictyons,  while  thus  beguiling 
him  with  subtleties,  were  actually  prepared  to  co-operate  by 
land  ! 

Oh  !  how  did  the  sturdy  old  warrior  rage  and  roar,  when 
he  found  himself  thus  entrapped,  like  a  lion  in  the  hunter's 
toil !  Now  did  he  draw  his  trusty  sword,  and  determine  to 
break  in  upon  the  council  of  the  Amphictyons  and  put  every 
mother's  son  of  them  to  death.  Now  did  he  resolve  to  fight 
his  way  throughout  all  the  region  of  the  cast,  and  to  lay  waste 
Connecticut  river  ! 

Gallant,  but  unfortunate  Peter  !  Did  I  not  enter  with  sad 
forebodings  on  this  ill-starred  expedition  ?  Did  I  not  trem 
ble  when  I  saw  thee,  with  no  other  counsellor  than  thine  own 
head  ;  no  other  armor  but  an  honest  tongue,  a  spotless  con 
science,  and  a  rusty  sword  ;  no  other  protector  but  St.  Nicho 
las,  and  no  other  attendant  but  a  trumpeter — did  1  not  tremble 
when  I  beheld  thcc  thus  sally  forth  to  contend  with  all  the 
knowing  powers  of  New  England  ? 

It  was  a  long  time  before  the  kind-hearted  expostulations 
of  Antony  Van  Corlcar,  aided  by  the  soothing  melody  of 
his  trumpet,  could  lower  the  spirits  of  Peter  Stuyvesant  from 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  427 

their  warlike  and  vindictive  tones,  and  prevent  his  making 
widows  and  orphans  of  half  the  population  of  Boston.  With 
great  difficulty,  he  was  prevailed  upon  to  bottle  up  his  wrath 
for  the  present ;  to  conceal  from  the  council  his  knowledge  of 
their  machinations,  and  by  effecting  his  escape,  to  be  able  to 
arrive  in  time  for  the  salvation  of  the  Manhattoes. 

The  latter  suggestion  awakened  a  new  ray  of  hope  in  his 
bosom  ;  he  forthwith  despatched  a  secret  message  to  his  coun 
cillors  at  New  Amsterdam,  apprising  them  of  their  danger, 
and  commanding  them  to  put  the  city  in  a  posture  of  defence  ; 
promising  to  come  as  soon  as  possible  to  their  assistance. 
This  done,  he  felt  marvellously  relieved,  rose  slowly,  shook 
himself  like  a  rhinoceros,  and  issued  forth  from  his  den,  in 
much  the  same  manner  as  Giant  Despair  is  described  to  have 
issued  from  Doubting  Castle,  in  the  chivalric  history  of  the 
Pilgrim's  Progress. 

And  now  much  does  it  grieve  me  that  I  must  leave  the 
gallant  Peter  in  this  imminent  jeopardy  ;  but  it  behooves  us 
to  hurry  back  and  see  what  is  going  on  at  New  Amsterdam, 
for  greatly  do  I  fear  that  city  is  already  in  a  turmoil.  Such 
was  ever  the  fate  of  Peter  Stuyvesant ;  while  doing  one  thing 
with  heart  and  soul,  he  was  too  apt  to  leave  every  thing  else 
at  sixes  and  sevens.  While,  like  a  potentate  of  yore,  he  was 
absent  attending  to  those  things  in  person  which  in  modern 
days  are  trusted  to  generals  and  ambassadors,  his  little  terri 
tory  at  home  was  sure  to  get  in  an  uproar  ; — all  which  was 
owing  to  that  uncommon  strength  of  intellect,  which  induced 
him  to  trust  to  nobody  but  himself,  and  which  had  acquired 
him  the  renowned  appellation  of  Peter  the  Headstrong. 


CIIAPTEE  VII. 


HOW  THE  PEOPLE  OF  NEW  AMSTERDAM  WERE  THROWN  INTO  A  GREAT 
PANIC,  BY  THE  NEWS  OF  THE  THREATENED  INVASION,  AND  THE  MAN 
NER  IN  WHICH  THEY  FORTIFIED  THEMSELVES. 


r INHERE  is  no  sight  more  truly  interesting  to  a  philosopher 
-*-  than  a  community,  where  every  individual  has  a  voice  in 
public  affairs  ;  where  every  individual  considers  himself  the 
Atlas  of  the  nation  ;  and  where  every  individual  thinks  it  his 
duty  to  bestir  himself  for  the  good  of  his  country :  I  say, 
there  is  nothing  more  interesting  to  a  philosopher  than  such  a 
community  in  a  sudden  bustle  of  Avar.  Such  clamor  of  tongues 
— such  patriotic  bawling — such  running  hither  and  thither — 
every  body  in  a  hurry — every  body  in  trouble — every  body 
in  the  way,  and  every  body  interrupting  his  neighbor — who  is 
busily  employed  in  doing  nothing  !  It  is  like  witnessing  a 
great  fire,  where  the  whole  community  are  agog — some  drag 
ging  about  empty  engines — others  scampering  with  full  buck 
ets,  and  spilling  the  contents  into  their  neighbor's  boots — and 
others  ringing  the  church  bells  all  night,  by  way  of  putting  out 
the  fire.  Little  firemen — like  sturdy  little  knights  storming  a 
breach,  clambering  up  and  down  scaling-ladders,  and  bawling 
through  tin  trumpets,  by  way  of  directing  the  attack.  Here. 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  429 

a  fellow,  in  his  great  zeal  to  save  the  property  of  the  unfor 
tunate,  catches  up  an  anonymous  chamber  utensil,  and  gallants 
it  off  with  an  air  of  as  much  self-importance  as  if  he  had  rescued 
a  pot  of  money :  there  another  throws  looking-glasses  and 
china  out  of  the  window,  to  save  them  from  the  flames  :  whilst 
those  who  can  do  nothing  else  run  up  and  down  the  streets, 
keeping  up  an  incessant  cry  of  Fire  !  Fire  I  Fire  ! 

"  When  the  news  arrived  at  Sinope,"  says  Lucian — though 
I  own  the  story  is  rather  trite — "  that  Philip  was  about  to 
attack  them,  the  inhabitants  were  thrown  into  a  violent  alarm. 
Some  ran  to  furbish  up  their  arms ;  others  rolled  stones  to 
build  up  the  walls — every  body,  in  short,  was  employed  and 
every  body  in  the  way  of  his  neighbor.  Diogenes  alone  could 
find  nothing  to  do — whereupon,  not  to  be  idle  when  the  wel 
fare  of  his  country  was  at  stake,  he  tucked  up  his  robe,  and 
fell  to  rolling  his  tub  with  might  and  main  up  and  down  the 
Gymnasium."'  In  like  manner  did  every  mother's  son  in  the 
patriotic  community  of  New  Amsterdam,  on  receiving  the 
missive  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  busy  himself  most  mightily  in 
putting  things  in  confusion,  and  assisting  the  general  uproar. 
"  Every  man  " — saith  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript — "  flew  to 
arms  ! " — by  which  is  meant,  that  not  one  of  our  honest  Dutch 
citizens  would  venture  to  church  or  to  market  without  an  old- 
fashioned  spit  of  a  sword  dangling  at  his  side,  and  a  long  Dutch 
fowling-piece  on  his  shoulder;  nor  would  he  go  out  of  a  night 
without  a  lantern  ;  nor  turn  a  corner  without  first  peeping  cau 
tiously  round,  lest  he  should  come  unawares  upon  a  British 
army  ; — and  we  are  informed  that  Stoffel  Brinkcrhoff,  who 
was  considered  by  the  old  women  almost  as  brave  a  man  as 
the  governor  himself,  actually  had  two  one-pound  swivels 


4:30  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

mounted  in  his  entry,  one  pointing  out  at  the  front  door,  and 
the  other  at  the  Lack. 

But  the  most  strenuous  measure  resorted  to  on  this  awful 
occasion,  and  one  which  has  since  been  found  of  wonderful 
efficacy,  was  to  assemble  popular  meetings.  These  brawling 
convocations,  I  have  already  shown,  were  extremely  offensive 
to  Peter  Stuy  vcsant ;  but  as  this  was  a  moment  of  unusual 
agitation  and  as  the  old  governor  was  not  present  to  repress 
them,  they  broke  out  with  intolerable  violence.  Hither, 
therefore,  the  orators  and  politicians  repaired ;  striving  who 
should  bawl  loudest,  and  exceed  the  others  in  hyperbolical 
bursts  of  patriotism,  and  in  resolutions  to  uphold  and  defend 
the  government.  In  these  sage  meetings  it  was  resolved  that 
they  were  the  most  enlightened,  the  most  dignified,  the  most 
formidable,  and  the  most  ancient  community  upon  the  face  of 
the  earth.  This  resolution  being  carried  unanimously,  another 
was  immediately  proposed— whether  it  were  not  possible  and 
politic  to  exterminate  Great  Britain  ?  upon  which  sixty-nine 
members  spoke  in  the  affirmative,  and  only  one  arose  to  sug 
gest  some  doubts — who,  as  a  punishment  for  his  treasonable 
presumption,  was  immediately  seized  by  the  mob,  and  tarred 
and  feathered — which  punishment  being  equivalent  to  the 
Tarpeian  Rock,  he  was  afterwards  considered  as  an  outcast  from 
society,  and  his  opinion  went  for  nothing.  The  question,  there 
fore,  being  unanimously  carried  in  the  affirmative,  it  was 
recommended  to  the  grand  council  to  pass  it  into  a  law  ; 
which  was  accordingly  done.  By  this  measure  the  hearts  of 
the  people  at  large  were  wonderfully  encouraged,  and  they 
waxed  exceedingly  choleric  and  valorous.  Indeed,  the  first 
paroxysm  of  alarm  having  in  some  measure  subsided — the 


11ISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOliK. 

old  women  having  buried  all  the  money  they  could  lay  their 
hands  on,  and  their  husbands  daily  getting  fuddled  with  what 
was  left— the  community  began  even  to  stand  on  the  offensive. 
Songs  were  manufactured  in  Low  Dutch  and  sung  about  the 
streets,  wherein  the  English  were  most  wofully  beaten,  and 
shown  no  quarter  ;  and  popular  addresses  were  made,  where 
in  it  was  proved,  to  a  certainty,  that  the  fate  of  Old  England 
depended  upon  the  will  of  the  New  Amsterdammers. 

Finally,  to  strike  a  violent  blow  at  the  very  vitals  of  Great 
Britain,  a  multitude  of  the  wiser  inhabitants  assembled,  and 
having  purchased  all  the  British  manufactures  they  could  find, 
they  made  thereof  a  huge  bonfire  ;  and,  in  the  patriotic  glow 
of  the  moment,  every  man  present,  who  had  a  hat  or  breeches 
of  English  workmanship,  pulled  it  off,  and  threw  it  into  the 
flames — to  the  irreparable  detriment,  loss,  and  ruin,  of  the 
English  manufacturers.  In  commemoration  of  this  great  ex 
ploit,  they  erected  a  pole  on  the  spot,  with  a  device  on  the  top 
intended  to  represent  the  province  of  Nicuw  Nederlands  de 
stroying  Great  Britain,  under  the  similitude  of  an  Eagle  pick 
ing  the  little  Island  of  Old  England  out  of  the  globe  ;  but 
either  through  the  unskilfulncss  of  the  sculptor,  or  his  ill- 
timed  waggery,  it  bore  a  striking  resemblance  to  a  goose, 
vainly  striving  to  get  hold  of  a  dumpling. 


CHAPTEE  YIIL 


HOW  THE  GRAND    COUNCIL    OP  THE  NEW  NETHERLANDS  WERE  MIRACULOUSLY 

GIFTED    WITH    LONG    TONGUES    IN    THE    MOMENT    OF    EMERGENCY SHOW- 

.ING   THE    VALUE    OF    WORDS    IN   WARFARE. 


"TT  will  need  but  little  penetration  in  any  one  conversant  with 
"-  the  ways  of  that  wise  but  windy  potentate,  the  sovereign 
people,  to  discover  that  notwithstanding  all  the  warlike  blus 
ter  and  bustle  of  the  last  chapter,  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam 
was  not  a  whit  more  prepared  for  war  than  before.  The 
privy  councillors  of  Peter  Stuy  vesant  were  aware  of  this  ;  and, 
having  received  his  private  orders  to  put  the  city  in  an  imme 
diate  posture  of  defence,  they  called  a  meeting  of  the  oldest 
and  richest  burghers  to  assist  them  with  their  wisdom.  These 
were  that  order  of  citizens  commonly  termed  "  men  of  the 
greatest  weight  in  the  community  ;  "  their  weight  being  esti 
mated  by  the  heaviness  of  their  heads  and  of  their  purses. 
Their  wisdom  in  fact  is  apt  to  be  of  a  ponderous  kind,  and  to 
hang  like  a  mill-stone  round  the  neck  of  the  community. 

Two  things  were  unanimously  determined  in  this  assembly 
of  venerablcs  :  First,  that  the  city  required  to  be  put  in  a 
state  of  defence ;  and  Second,  that,  as  the  danger  was  immi 
nent,  there  should  be  no  time  lost :  which  points  being  settled, 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

they  fell  to  making  long  speeches  and  belaboring  one  another 
in  endless  and  intemperate  disputes.  For  about  this  time 
was  this  unhappy  city  first  visited  by  that  talking  endemic, 
so  prevalent  in  this  country,  and  which  so  invariably  evinces 
itself,  wherever  a  number  of  wise  men  assemble  together ; 
breaking  out  in  long,  windy  speeches ;  caused,  as  physicians 
suppose,  by  the  foul  air  which  is  ever  generated  in  a  crowd. 
Now  it  was,  moreover,  that  they  first  introduced  the  ingenious 
method  of  measuring  the  merits  of  an  harangue  by  the  hour 
glass  ;  he  being  considered  the  ablest  orator  who  spoke  longest 
on  a  question.  For  which  excellent  invention,  it  is  recorded, 
we  are  indebted  to  the  same  profound  Dutch  critic  who  judged 
of  books  by  their  size. 

This  sudden  passion  for  endless  harangues,  so  little  con 
sonant  with  the  customary  gravity  and  taciturnity  of  our 
sage  forefathers,  was  supposed  by  certain  philosophers  to  have 
been  imbibed,  together  with  divers  other  barbarous  propen 
sities,  from  their  savage  neighbors ;  who  were  peculiarly  noted 
for  long  talks  and  council  fires,  and  never  undertook  any  affair 
of  the  least  importance,  without  previous  debates  and  ha 
rangues  among  their  chiefs  and  old  men.  But  the  real  cause 
was,  that  the  people,  in  electing  their  representatives  to  the 
grand  council,  were  particular  in  choosing  them  for  their  talents 
at  talking,  without  inquiring  whether  they  possessed  the  more 
rare,  difficult,  and  ofttimes  important  talent  of  holding  their 
tongues.  The  consequence  was,  that  this  deliberative  body 
was  composed  of  the  most  loquacious  men  in  the  community. 
As  they  considered  themselves  placed  there  to  talk,  every  man 
concluded  that  his  duty  to  his  constituents,  and,  what  is  more, 
his  popularity  with  them,  required  that  he  should  harangue 
19 


434  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

on  every  subject,  whether  he  understood  it  or  not.  There 
was  an  ancient  mode  of  burying  a  chieftain,  by  every  soldier 
throwing  his  shield  full  of  earth  on  the  corpse,  until  a  mighty 
mound  was  formed  ;  so  whenever  a  question  was  brought  for- 
ward  in  this  assembly,  every  member  pressing  forward  to 
throw  on  his  quantum  of  wisdom,  the  subject  was  quickly 
buried  under  a  mountain  of  words. 

We  are  told,  that  disciples  on  entering  the  school  of  Py 
thagoras,  were  for  two  years  enjoined  silence,  and  forbidden 
either  to  ask  questions,  or  make  remarks.  After  they  had 
thus  acquired  the  inestimable  art  of  holding  their  tongues, 
they  were  gradually  permitted  to  make  inquiries,  and  finally 
to  communicate  their  own  opinions. 

With  what  a  beneficial  effect  could  this  wise  regulation  of 
Pythagoras  be  introduced  in  modern  legislative  bodies — and 
how  wonderfully  would  it  have  tended  to  expedite  business  in 
the  grand  council  of  the  Manhattan  ! 

At  this  perilous  juncture  the  fatal  word  economy,  the 
stumbling-block  of  William  the  Testy,  had  been  once  more  set 
afloat,  according  to  which  the  cheapest  plan  of  defence  was  in 
sisted  upon  as  the  best ;  it  being  deemed  a  great  stroke  of 
policy  in  furnishing  powder  to  economize  in  ball. 

Thus  did  dame  Wisdom  (whom  the  wags  of  antiquity 
have  humorously  personified  as  a  woman)  seem  to  take  a  mis 
chievous  pleasure  in  jilting  the  venerable  councillors  of  New 
Amsterdam.  To  add  to  the  confusion,  the  old  factions  of 
Short  Pipes  and  Long  Pipes,  which  had  been  almost  strangled 
by  the  herculean  grasp  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  now  sprang  up 
with  tenfold  vigor.  Whatever  was  proposed  by  Short  Pipe 
was  opposed  by  the  whole  tribe  of  Long  Pipes,  who,  like 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK.  435 

true  partisans,  deemed  it  their  first  duty  to  effect  the  downfall 
of  their  rivals ;  their  second  to  elevate  themselves,  and  their 
third,  to  consult  the  public  good ;  though  many  left  the  third 
consideration  out  of  question  altogether. 

In  this  great  collision  of  hard  heads  it  is  astonishing  the 
number  of  projects  that  were  struck  out ;  projects  which 
threw  the  wind-mill  system  of  William  the  Testy  completely 
in  the  background.  These  were  almost  uniformly  opposed 
by  the  "  men  of  the  greatest  weight  in  the  community  !  "  your 
weighty  men,  though  slow  to  devise,  being  always  great  at 
"  negativing."  Among  these  were  a  set  of  fat,  self-important 
old  burghers,  who  smoked  their  pipes,  and  said  nothing  ex 
cept  to  negative  every  plan  of  defence  proposed.  These  were 
that  class  of  "  conservatives,"  who  having  amassed  a  fortune, 
button  up  their  pockets,  shut  their  mouths,  sink,  as  it  were, 
into  themselves,  and  pass  the  rest  of  their  lives  in  the  in 
dwelling  beatitude  of  conscious  wealth ;  as  some  phlegmatic 
oyster,  having  swallowed  a  pearl,  closes  its  shell,  sinks  in  the 
mud,  and  devotes  the  rest  of  its  life  to  the  conservation  of  its 
treasure.  Every  plan  of  defence  seemed  to  these  worthy  old 
gentlemen  pregnant  with  ruin.  An  armed  force  was  a  legion 
of  locusts  preying  upon  the  public  property — to  fit  out  a 
naval  armament  was  to  throw  their  money  into  the  sea — to 
build  fortifications  was  to  bury  it  in  the  dirt.  In  short,  they 
settled  it  as  a  sovereign  maxim,  so  long  as  their  pockets  were 
full,  no  matter  how  much  they  were  drubbed.  A  kick  left 
no  scar — a  broken  head  cured  itself — but  an  empty  purse  was 
of  all  maladies  the  slowest  to  heal,  and  one  in  which  nature 
did  nothing  for  the  patient. 

Thus  did  this  venerable  assembly  of  sages  lavish  away 


436 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK. 


that  time  which  the  urgency  of  affairs  rendered  invaluable, 
in  empty  brawls  and  long-winded  speeches,  without  ever  agree 
ing,  except  on  the  point  with  which  they  started,  namely,  that 
there  was  no  time  to  be  lost,  and  delay  was  ruinous.  At 
length,  St.  Nicholas  takmg  compassion  on  their  distracted 
situation,  and  anxious  to  preserve  them  from  anarchy,  so  or 
dered,  that  in  the  midst  of  one  of  their  most  noisy  debates, 
on  the  subject  of  fortification  and  defence,  when  they  had 
nearly  fallen  to  loggerheads  in  consequence  of  not  being  able 
to  convince  each  other,  the  question  was  happily  settled  by  the 
sudden  entrance  of  a  messenger,  who  informed  them  that  a 
hostile  fleet  had  arrived,  and  was  actually  advancing  up  the 
bay ! 


CHAPTER  IX. 


IN     WHICH     THE     TROUBLES    OF    NEW    AMSTERDAM    APPEAR    TO    THICKEN 

SHOWING    THE     BRAVERY,    IN   TIME     OF     PERIL,    OF    A    PEOPLE    WHO    DE 
FEND   THEMSELVES    BY    RESOLUTIONS. 


T  IKE  as  an  assemblage  of  belligerent  cats,  gibbering  and 
-•^  cater- wauling ;  eyeing  one  another  with  hideous  grimaces 
and  contortions  ;  spitting  in  each  other's  faces,  and  on  the 
point  of  a  general  clapper-clawing,  are  suddenly  put  to  scam 
pering  rout  and  confusion  by  the  appearance  of  a  house-dog ; 
so  was  the  no  less  vociferous  council  of  New  Amsterdam 
amazed,  astounded,  and  totally  dispersed,  by  the  sudden  arrival 
of  the  enemy.  Every  member  waddled  home  as  fast  as  his 
short  legs  could  carrry  him,  wheezing  as  he  went  with  corpu 
lency  and  terror.  Arrived  at  his  castle,  he  barricadoed  the 
street-door,  and  buried  himself  in  the  cider-cellar,  without 
venturing  to  peep  out,  lest  he  should  have  his  head  carried  off 
by  a  cannon  ball. 

The  sovereign  people  crowded  into  the  market-place,  herd 
ing  together  with  the  instinct  of  sheep,  who  seek  safety  in 
each  other's  company,  when  the  shepherd  and  his  dog  are 
.absent,  and  the  wolf  is  prowling  round  the  fold.  Far  from 
finding  relief,  however,  they  only  increased  each  other's  ter- 


4:38  HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

rors.  Each  man  looked  ruefully  in  his  neighbor's  face,  in 
search  of  encouragment,  but  only  found  in  its  woe-begone 
lineaments  a  confirmation  of  his  own  dismay.  Not  a  word 
now  was  to  be  heard  of  conquering  Great  Britain,  not  a  whis 
per  about  the  sovereign  virtues  of  economy — while  the  old 
women  heightened  the  general  gloom  by  clamorously  bewail 
ing  their  fate,  and  calling  for  protection  on  St.  Nicholas  and 
Peter  Stuyvesant. 

Oh,  how  did  they  bewail  the  absence  of  the  lion-hearted 
Peter  ! — and  how  did  they  long  for  the  comforting  presence 
of  Antony  Van  Corlear  !  Indeed  a  gloomy  uncertainty  hung 
over  the  fate  of  these  adventurous  heroes.  Day  after  day  had 
elapsed  since  the  alarming  message  from  the  governor,  with 
out  bringing  any  further  tidings  of  his  safety.  Many  a  fearful 
conjecture  was  hazarded  as  to  what  had  befallen  him  and  his 
loyal  squire.  Had  they  not  been  devoured  alive  by  the  canni 
bals  of  Marblehead  and  Cape  Cod  ?— Had  they  not  been  put 
to  the  question  by  the  great  council  of  Amphietyons  ? — Had 
they  not  been  smothered  in  onions  by  the  terrible  men  of 
Pyquag  ? — In  the  midst  of  this  consternation  and  perplexity, 
when  horror,  like  a  mighty  nightmare,  sat  brooding  upon  the 
little,  fat,  plethoric  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  the  ears  of  the 
multitude  were  suddenly  startled  by  the  distant  sound  of  a 
trumpet— it  approached— it  grew  louder  and  louder— and  now 
it  resounded  at  the  city  gate.  The  public  could  not  be  mis 
taken  in  the  well-known  sound — a  shout  of  joy  burst  from 
their  lips,  as  the  gallant  Peter,  covered  with  dust,  and  follow 
ed  by  his  faithful  trumpeter,  came  galloping  into  the  market 
place. 

The  first  transports  of  the  populace  having  subsided,  they 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  439 

gathered  round  the  honest  Antony,  as  he  dismounted,  over 
whelming  him  with  greetings  and  congratulations.     In  breath 
less  accents  he  related  to  them  the  marvellous  adventures 
through   which  the  old   governor  and  himself  had  gone,  in 
making  their  escape  from  the  clutches  of  the  terrible  Am- 
phictyons.     But  though  the  Stuyvesant  manuscript,  with  its 
customary  minuteness  where   any   thing  touching  the  great 
Peter  is  concerned,  is  very  particular  as  to  the  incidents  of  this 
masterly  retreat,  the  state  of  the  public  affairs  will  not  allow  me 
to  indulge  in  a  full  recital  thereof.     Let  it  suffice  to  say,  that, 
while  Peter  Stuyvesant  was  anxiously  revolving  in  his  mind 
how  he  could  make  good  his  escape  with  honor  and  dignity, 
certain  of  the  ships  sent  out  for  the  conquest  of  the  Manhat- 
toes  touched  at  the  eastern  ports  to  obtain  supplies,  and  to  call 
on  the  grand  council  of  the  league  for  its  promised  co-opera 
tion.     Upon  hearing  of  this,  the  vigilant  Peter,  perceiving  that 
a  moment's  delay  were  fatal,  made  a  secret  and  precipitate 
decampment ;  though  much  did  it  grieve  his  lofty  soul  to  be 
obliged  to  turn  his  back  even  upon  a  nation  of  foes.     Many 
hair-breadth  'scapes  and  divers  perilous   mishaps    did   they 
sustain,  as  they  scoured,  without  sound  of  trumpet,  through 
the  fair  regions  of  the  east.     Already  was  the  country  in  an 
uproar  with  hostile  preparations,  and  they  were  obliged  to  take 
a  large  circuit  in  their  flight,  lurking  along  through  the  woody 
mountains  of  the  Devil's  backbone  ;  whence  the  valiant  Peter 
sallied  forth  one  day  like  a  lion,  and  put  to  rout  a  whole  le 
gion  of  squatters,  consisting  of  three  generations  of  a  prolific 
family,  who  were  already  on  their  way  to  take  possession  of 
some  corner  of  the  New  Netherlands.     Nay,  the  faithful  An 
tony  had  great  difficulty,  at  sundry  times,  to  prevent  him,  in 


440  I1ISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

the  excess  of  his  wrath,  from  descending  down  from  the  moun 
tains,  and  falling,  sword  in  hand,  upon  certain  of  the  bor 
der-towns,  who  were  marshalling  forth  their  draggle-tailed 
militia. 

The  first  movement  of  the  governor,  on  reaching  his 
dwelling,  was  to  mount  the  roof,  whence  he  contemplated 
with  rueful  aspect  the  hostile  squadron.  This  had  already 
come  to  anchor  in  the  bay,  and  consisted  of  two  stout 
frigates,  having  on  board,  as  John  Josselyn,  gent.,  informs  us, 
"  three  hundred  valiant  red-coats."  Having  taken  this  survey, 
he  sat  himself  down  and  wrote  an  epistle  to  the  commander, 
demanding  the  reason  of  his  anchoring  in  the  harbor  without 
obtaining  previous  permission  so  to  do.  This  letter  was 
couched  in  the  most  dignified  and  courteous  terms,  though  I 
have  it  from  undoubted  authority  that  his  teeth  were  clinched, 
and  he  had  a  bitter  sardonic  grin  upon  his  visage  all  the  while 
he  wrote.  Having  despatched  his  letter,  the  grim  Peter 
stumped  to  and  fro  about  the  town  with  a  most  war-betoken 
ing  countenance,  his  hands  thrust  into  his  breeches  pockets, 
and  whistling  a  Low  Dutch  psalm-tune,  which  bore  no  small 
resemblance  to  the  music  of  a  northeast  wind,  when  a  storm 
is  brewing.  The  very  dogs  as  they  eyed  him  skulked  away 
in  dismay  ;  while  all  the  old  and  ugly  women  of  New  Am 
sterdam  ran  howling  at  his  heels,  imploring  him  to  save  them 
from  murder,  robbery,  and  pitiless  ravishment ! 

The  reply  of  Colonel  Nicholas,  who  commanded  the  in 
vaders,  was  couched  in  terms  of  equal  courtesy  with  the  letter 
of  the  governor ;  declaring  the  right  and  title  of  his  British 
Majesty  to  the  province  ;  where  he  affirmed  the  Dutch  to  be 
mere  interlopers ;  and  demanding  that  the  town  forts,  etc., 


HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  4:4:1 

should  be  forthwith  rendered  into  his  majesty's  obedience  and 
protection ;  promising,  at  the  same  time,  life,  liberty,  estate, 
and  free  trade,  to  every  Dutch  denizen  who  should  readily 
submit  to  his  majesty's  government. 

Peter  Stuy  vesant  read  over  this  friendly  epistle  with  some 
such  harmony  of  aspect  as  we  may  suppose  a  crusty  farmer 
reads  the  loving  letter  of  John  Stiles,  warning  him  of  an  action 
of  ejectment.  lie  was  not,  however,  to  be  taken  by  sur 
prise  ;  but,  thrusting  the  summons  into  his  breeches  pocket, 
stalked  three  times  across  the  room,  took  a  pinch  of  snuff  with 
great  vehemence,  and  then,  loftily  waving  his  hand,  promised 
to  send  an  answer  the  next  morning.  lie  now  summoned  a 
general  meeting  of  his  privy  councillors  and  burgomasters,  not 
to  ask  their  advice,  for,  confident  in  his  own  strong  head,  he 
needed  no  man's  counsel,  but  apparently  to  give  them  a  piece 
of  his  mind  on  their  late  craven  conduct. 

His  orders  being  duly  promulgated,  it  was  a  piteous  sight 
to  behold  the  late  valiant  burgomasters,  who  had  demolished 
the  whole  British  empire  in  their  harangues,  peeping  ruefully 
out  of  their  hiding-places ;  crawling  cautiously  forth ;  dodging 
through  narrow  lanes  and  alleys ;  starting  at  every  little  dog 
that  barked ;  mistaking  lamp-posts  for  British  grenadiers  ; 
and,  in  the  excess  of  their  panic,  metamorphosing  pumps  into 
formidable  soldiers  levelling  blunderbusses  at  their  bosoms  ! 
Having,  however,  in  despite  of  numerous  perils  and  difficulties 
of  the  kind,  arrived  safe,  without  the  loss  of  a  single  man,  at 
the  hall  of  assembly,  they  took  their  seats,  and  awaited  in 
fearful  silence  the  arrival  of  the  governor.  In  a  few  moments 
the  wooden  leg  of  the  intrepid  Peter  was  heard  in  regular  and 
stout-hearted  thumps  upon  the  staircase.  He  entered  the 
10* 


442  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

chamber,  arrayed  in  full  suit  of  regimentals,  and  carrying  his 
trusty  toledo,  not  girded  on  his  thigh,  but  tucked  under  his 
arm.  As  the  governor  never  equipped  himself  in  this  porten 
tous  manner  unless  something  of  martial  nature  were  working 
within  his  pericranium,  his  council  regarded  him  ruefully,  as 
if  they  saw  fire  and  sword  in  his  iron  countenance,  and  forgot 
to  light  their  pipes  in  breathless  suspense. 

His  first  words  were,  to  rate  his  council  soundly  for  hav 
ing  wasted  in  idle  debate  and  party  feud  the  time  which  should 
have  been  devoted  to  putting  the  city  in  a  state  of  defence. 
He  was  particularly  indignant  at  those  brawlers  who  had  dis 
graced  the  councils  of  the  province  by  empty  bickerings  and 
scurrilous  invectives  against  an  absent  enemy.  He  now  called 
upon  them  to  make  good  their  words  by  deeds,  as  the  enemy 
they  had  defied  and  derided  was  at  the  gate.  Finally,  he  in 
formed  them  of  the  summons  he  had  received  to  surrender, 
but  concluded  by  swearing  to  defend  the  province  as  long  as 
Heaven  was  on  his  side  and  he  had  a  wooden  leg  to  stand 
upon ;  which  warlike  sentence  he  emphasized  by  a  thwack 
with  the  flat  of  his  sword  upon  the  table,  that  quite  electrified 
his  auditors. 

The  privy  councillors,  who  had  long  since  been  brought 
into  as  perfect  discipline  as  were  ever  the  soldiers  of  the  great 
Frederick,  knew  there  was  no  use  in  saying  a  word — so  light 
ed  their  pipes,  and  smoked  away  in  silence,  like  fat  and  dis 
creet  councillors.  But  the  burgomasters,  being  inflated  with 
considerable  importance  and  self-sufficiency,  acquired  at  popu 
lar  meetings,  were  not  so  easily  satisfied.  Mustering  up  fresh 
spirit,  when  they  found  there  was  some  chance  of  escaping 
from  their  present  jeopardy  without  the  disagreeable  alterna- 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  443 

live  of  fighting,  they  requested  a  copy  of  the  summons  to  sur 
render,  that  they  might  show  it  to  a  general  meeting  of  the 
people. 

So  insolent  and  mutinous  a  request  would  have  been 
enough  to  have  roused  the  gorge  of  the  tranquil  Van  Twiller 
himself— what  then  must  have  been  its  effect  upon  the  great 
Stuyvesant,  who  was  not  only  a  Dutchman,  a  governor,  and  a 
valiant  wooden-legged  soldier  to  boot,  but  withal  a  man  of 
the  most  stomachful  and  gunpowder  disposition  1  He  burst 
forth  into  a  blaze  of  indignation — swore  not  a  mother's  son  of 
them  should  see  a  syllable  of  it — that  as  to  their  advice  or 
concurrence,  he  did  not  care  a  whiff  of  tobacco  for  either — that 
they  might  go  home,  and  go  to  bed  like  old  women ;  for  he 
wras  determined  to  defend  the  colony  himself,  without  the  as 
sistance  of  them  or  their  adherents  !  So  saying  he  tucked  his 
sword  under  his  arm,  cocked  his  hat  upon  his  head,  and  gird 
ing  up  his  loins,  stumped  indignantly  out  of  the  council-cham 
ber — everybody  making  room  for  him  as  he  passed. 

No  sooner  was  he  gone  than  the  busy  burgomasters  called 
a  public  meeting  in  front  of  the  Stadthouse,  where  they  ap 
pointed  as  chairman  one  Dome  Roerback,  formerly  a  meddle 
some  member  of  the  cabinet  during  the  reign  of  William  the 
Testy,  but  kicked  out  of  office  by  Peter  Stuyvesant  on  taking 
the  reins  of  government.  He  was,  withal,  a  mighty  ginger 
bread  baker  in  the  land,  and  reverenced  by  the  populace  as  a 
man  of  dark  knowledge,  seeing  that  he  was  the  first  to  imprint 
New  Year  cakes  with  the  mysterious  hieroglyphics  of  the 
Cock  and  Breeches,  and  such  like  magical  devices. 

This  burgomaster,  who  still  chewed  the  cud  of  ill-will 
against  Peter  Stuyvesant,  addressed  the  multitude  in  what  is 


44:4:  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

called  a  patriotic  speech,  informing  them  of  the  courteous  sunv 
mons  which  the  governor  had  received,  to  surrender ;  of  his 
refusal  to  comply  therewith,  and  of  his  denying  the  public 
even  a  sight  of  the  summons,  which  doubtless  contained  con 
ditions  highly  to  the  honor  and  advantage  of  the  province. 

He  then  proceeded  to  speak  of  his  Excellency  in  high- 
sounding  terms  of  vituperation,  suited  to  the  dignity  of  his 
station ;  comparing  him  to  Nero,  Caligula,  and  other  flagrant 
great  men  of  yore ;  assuring  the  people  that  the  history  of 
the  world  did  not  contain  a  despotic  outrage  equal  to  the  pres 
ent.  That  it  would  be  recorded  in  letters  of  fire,  on  the 
blood-stained  tablet  of  history  !  That  ages  would  roll  back 
with  sudden  horror  when  they  came  to  view  it !  That  the 
womb  of  time  (by  the  way,  your  orators  and  writers  take 
strange  liberties  with  the  womb  of  time,  though  some  would 
fain  have  us  believe  that  time  is  an  old  gentleman) — that  the 
womb  of  time,  pregnant  as  it  was  with  direful  horrors,  would 
never  produce  a  parallel  enormity  ! — with  a  variety  of  other 
heart-rending,  soul-stirring  tropes  and  figures,  which  I  can 
not  enumerate  ;  neither,  indeed,  need  I,  for  they  were  of  the 
kind  which  even  to  the  present  day  form  the  style  of  popular 
harangues  and  patriotic  orations,  and  may  be  classed  in  rhet 
oric  under  the  general  title  of  RIGMAROLE. 

The  result  of  this  speech  of  the  inspired  burgomaster,  was 
a  memorial  addressed  to  the  governor,  remonstrating  in  good 
round  terms  on  his  conduct.  It  was  proposed  that  Dofue 
Roerback  himself  should  be  the  bearer  of  this  memorial,  but 
this  he  warily  declined,  having  no  inclination  of  coming  again 
within  kicking  distance  of  his  Excellency.  Who  did  deliver 
it  has  never  been  named  in  history,  iu  which  neglect  he  has 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOEK.  44:5 

suffered  grievous  wrong ;  seeing  that  he  was  equally  worthy 
of  blazon  with  him  perpetuated  in  Scottish  song  and  story  by 
the  surname  of  Bell-the-cat.  All  we  know  of  the  fate  of  this 
memorial  is,  that  it  was  used  by  the  grim  Peter  to  light  his 
pipe ;  which,  from  the  vehemence  with  which  he  smoked  it, 
was  evidently  any  thing  but  a  pipe  of  peace. 


CHAPTER  X. 


CONTAINING  A  DOLEFUL  DISASTER  OP  ANTONY  THE  TRUMPETER  -  AND  HOW 
PETER  STUYVESANT,  LIKE  A  SECOND  CROMWELL,  SUDDENLY  DISSOLVED 
A  RI'MP  PARLIAMENT. 


"VTOW  did  the  high-minded  Pieter  de  Groodt  shower  down 
-*•"  a  pannier  load  of  maledictions  upon  his  burgomasters  for 
a  set  of  self-willed,  obstinate,  factious  varlets,  wlio  would 
neither  be  convinced  nor  persuaded.  Nor  did  he  omit  to  be 
stow  some  left-handed  compliments  upon  the  sovereign  people, 
as  a  herd  of  poltroons,  who  had  no  relish  for  the  glorious  hard 
ships  and  illustrious  misadventures  of  battle  —  but  would 
rather  stay  at  home,  and  eat  and  sleep  in  ignoble  ease,  than 
fight  in  a  ditch  for  immortality  and  a  broken  head. 

Resolutely  bent,  however,  upon  defending  his  beloved  city, 
in  despite  even  of  itself,  he  called  unto  him  his  trusty  Van 
Corlear,  who  was  his  right-hand  man  in  all  times  of  emer 
gency.  Him  did  he  adjure  to  take  his  war-denouncing  trum 
pet,  and  mounting  his  horse,  to  beat  up  the  country  night  and 
day  —  sounding  the  alarm  along  the  pastoral  borders  of  the 
Bronx  —  startling  the  wild  solitudes  of  Croton  —  arousing  the 
rugged  yeomanry  of  "Wechawk  and  Hoboken  —  the  mighty 
men  of  battle  of  Tappan  Bay  —  and  the  brave  boys  of  Tarry- 
Town,  Petticoat-  Lane,  and  Sleepy-Hollow  —  charging  them 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  44:7 

one  and  all  to  sling  their  powder-horns,  shoulder  their  fowling- 
pieces,  and  march  merrily  down  to  the  Manhattoes. 

Now  there  was  nothing  in  all  the  world,  the  divine  sex 
excepted,  that  Antony  Van  Corlear  loved  better  than  errands 
of  this  kind.  So  just  stopping  to  take  a  lusty  dinner,  and 
bracing  to  his  side  his  junk  bottle,  well  charged  with  heart- 
inspiring  Hollands,  he  issued  jollily  from  the  city  gate,  which 
looked  out  upon  what  is  at  present  called  Broadway ;  sound 
ing  a  farewell  strain,  that  rung  in  sprightly  echoes  through 
the  winding  streets  of  New  Amsterdam — Alas !  never  more 
were  they  to  be  gladdened  by  the  melody  of  their  favorite 
trumpeter ! 

It  was  a  dark  and  stormy  night  when  the  good  Antony 
arrived  at  the  creek  (sagely  denominated  ITaerlem  river) 
which  separates  the  island  of  Manna-hata  from  the  mainland. 
The  wind  was  high,  the  elements  were  in  an  uproar,  and  no 
Charon  could  be  found  to  ferry  the  adventurous  sounder  of 
brass  across  the  water.  For  a  short  time  he  vapored  like  an 
impatient  ghost  upon  the  brink,  and  then  bethinking  himself 
of  the  urgency  of  his  errand,  took  a  hearty  embrace  of  his  stone 
bottle,  swore  most  valorously  that  he  would  swim  across  in 
spite  of  the  devil !  (Spyt  den  Duyvel,)  and  daringly  plunged 
into  the  stream.  Luckless  Antony  !  scarce  had  he  buffeted 
half-way  over,  when  he  was  observed  to  struggle  violently, 
as  if  battling  with  the  spirit  of  the  waters — instinctively  he 
put  his  trumpet  to  his  mouth,  and  giving  a  vehement  blast — 
sank  for  ever  to  the  bottom  ! 

The  clangor  of  his  trumpet,  like  that  of  the  ivory  horn  of 
the  renowned  Paladin  Orlando,  when  expiring  in  the  glorious 
field  of  Roncesvalles,  rang  far  and  wide  through  the  country, 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

alarming  the  neighbors  round,  who  hurried  in  amazement  to 
the  spot.  Here  an  old  Dutch  burgher,  famed  for  his  veracity, 
and  \vho  had  been  a  witness  of  the  fact,  related  to  them  the 
melancholy  affair ;  with  the  fearful  addition  (to  which  I  am 
slow  in  giving  belief)  that  he  saw  the  duyvel,  in  the  shape  of 
a  huge  moss-bonker,  sieze  the  sturdy  Antony  by  the  leg,  and 
drag  him  beneath  the  waves.  Certain  it  is,  the  place,  with 
the  adjoining  promontory,  which  projects  into  the  Hudson, 
has  been  called  Spyt  den  Duyvel  ever  since — the  ghost  of  the 
unfortunate  Antony  still  haunts  the  surrounding  solitudes, 
and  his  trumpet  has  often  been  heard  by  the  neighbors,  of  u 
stormy  night,  mingling  with  the  howling  of  the  blast.  No 
body  ever  attempts  to  swim  across  the  creek  after  dark ;  on 
the  contrary,  a  bridge  has  been  built  to  guard  against  such 
melancholy  accidents  in  future — and  as  to  the  moss-bonkers, 
they  arc  held  in  such  abhorrence,  that  no  true  Dutchman  will 
admit  them  to  his  table,  who  loves  good  fish  and  hates  the 
devil. 

Such  was  the  end  of  Antony  Van  Corlear — a  man  deserv 
ing  of  a  better  fate.  lie  lived  roundly  and  soundly,  like  a 
true  and  jolly  bachelor,  until  the  day  of  his  death  ;  but  though 
IK-  \\ as  never  married,  yet  did  he  leave  l>ehind  some  t\vo  or 
three  dozen  children,  in  dillerent  j>;irts  of  the  country — line, 
chubby,  brawling,  flatulent.  little  urchins;  from  whom,  if 
legends  speak  true,  (and  they  are  not  apt  to  lie,)  did  descend 
the  innumerable  race  of  editors,  \\ho  pn.ple  and  defend  this 
country,  and  who  are  bountifully  paid  by  the  people  for  keep 
ing  up  a  constant  alr.rm — and  making  them  miserable.  I'  is 
hinted,  too,  that  in  his  various  expedition!  into  the  Kast,  In- 
(lid  much  towards  promoting  the  population  of  the  country  ; 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

in  proof  of  which  is  adduced  the  notorious  propensity  of  the 
people  of  those  parts  to  sound  their  own  trumpet. 

As  some  way-worn  pilgrim,  when  the  tempest  whistles 
through  his  locks  and  night  is  gathering  round,  beholds  his  faith 
ful  dog,  the  companion  and  solace  of  his  journeying,  stretched 
lifeless  at  his  feet,  so  did  the  generous-hearted  hero  of  the  Man- 
hattoes  contemplate  the  untimely  end  of  Antony  Van  Corlear. 
He  had  been  the  faithful  attendant  of  his  footsteps ;  he  had 
charmed  him  in  many  a  weary  hour  by  his  honest  gayety  and 
the  martial  melody  of  his  trumpet,  and  had  followed  him  with 
unflinching  loyalty  and  affection  through  many  a  scene  of 
direful  peril  and  mishap.  He  was  gone  for  ever  !  and  that, 
too,  at  a  moment  when  every  mongrel  cur  was  skulking  from 
his  side.  This — Peter  Stuyvesant — was  the  moment  to  try 
thy  fortitude ;  and  this  was  the  moment  when  thou  didst  in 
deed  shine  forth  Peter  the  Headstrong  ! 

The  glare  of  day  had  long  dispelled  the  horrors  of  the 
stormy  night ;  still  all  was  dull  and  gloomy.  The  late  jovial 
Apollo  hid  his  face  behind  lugubrious  clouds,  peeping  out  now 
and  then  for  an  instant,  as  if  anxious,  yet  fearful,  to  see  what 
was  going  on  in  his  favorite  city.  This  was  the  eventful 
morning  when  the  great  Peter  was  to  give  his  reply  to  the 
summons  of  the  invaders.  Already  was  he  closeted  with 
his  privy  council,  sitting  in  grim  state,  brooding  over  the 
fate  of  his  favorite  trumpeter,  and  anon  boiling  with  indigna 
tion  as  the  insolence  of  his  recreant  burgomasters  flashed 
upon  his  mind.  AVhile  in  this  state  of  irritation,  a  courier 
arrived  in  all  haste  from  Winthrop.  the  subtle  governor  of 
Connecticut,  counselling  him,  in  the  most  affectionate  and  dis 
interested  manner,  to  surrender  the  province,  and  magnifying 


450  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YOKK. 

the  dangers  and  calamities  to  which  a  refusal  would  subject 
him. — What  a  moment  was  this  to  intrude  officious  advice 
upon  a  man  who  never  took  advice  in  his  whole  life  ! — The 
fiery  old  governor  strode  up  and  clown  the  chamber  with  a 
vehemence  that  made  the  bosoms  of  his  councillors  to  quake 
with  awe — railing  at  his  unlucky  fate,  that  thus  made  him  the 
constant  butt  of  factious  subjects,  and  Jesuitical  advisers. 

Just  at  this  ill-chosen  juncture,  the  officious  burgomasters, 
who  had  heard  of  the  arrival  of  mysterious  dispatches,  came 
marching  in  a  body  into  the  room,  with  a  legion  of  schepens 
and  toad-eaters  at  their  heels,  and  abruptly  demanded  a  peru 
sal  of  the  letter.  This  was  too  much  for  the  spleen  of  Peter 
Stuyvesant.  He  tore  the  letter  in  a  thousand  pieces — threw 
it  in  the  face  of  the  nearest  burgomaster — broke  his  pipe  over 
the  head  of  the  next — hurled  his  spitting-box  at  an  unlucky 
schepen,  who  was  just  retreating  out  at  the  door,  and  finally 
prorogued  the  whole  meeting  sine  die,  by  kicking  them  down 
stairs  with  his  wooden  leg. 

As  soon  as  the  burgomasters  could  recover  from  their  con 
fusion  and  had  time  to  breathe,  they  called  a  public  meeting, 
where  they  related  at  full  length,  and  with  appropriate  color 
ing  and  exaggeration,  the  despotic  and  vindictive  deportment 
of  the  governor ;  declaring  that,  for  their  own  parts,  they  did 
not  value  a  straw  the  being  kicked,  cuffed,  and  mauled  by  the 
timber  toe  of  his  excellency,  but  that  they  felt  for  the  dignity 
of  the  sovereign  people,  thus  rudely  insulted  by  the  outrage 
committed  on  the  seat  of  honor  of  their  representatives. 
The  latter  part  of  the  harangue  came  home  at  once  to  that 
delicacy  of  feeling,  and  jealous  pride  of  character,  vested  in 
all  true  mobs  ;  who,  though  they  may  bear  injuries  without  a 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 


murmur,  yet  are  marvellously  jealous  of  their  sovereign  dignity 
—and  there  is  no  knowing  to  what  act  of  resentment  they 
might  have  been  provoked,  had  they  not  been  somewhat  more 
afraid  of  their  sturdy  old  governor  than  they  were  of  St. 
Nicholas,  the  English—  or  the  d  -  1  himself. 


CHAPTER  XI. 

HOW    PETER     STUYVESANT    DEFENDED    THE    CITY    OF   NEW   AMSTERDAM    FOR 
SEVERAL    DAYS,    BY    DINT    OF    THE    STRENGTH    OF    HIS    HEAD. 


nnilERE  is  something  exceedingly  sublime  and  melancholy 
-*-  in  the  spectacle  which  the  present  crisis  of  our  history 
presents.  An  illustrious  and  venerable  little  city  —  the  metro 
polis  of  a  vast  extent  of  uninhabited  country  —  garrisoned  by 
a  doughty  host  of  orators,  chairmen,  comitteemen,  burgo 
masters,  schepens,  and  old  women  —  governed  by  a  determined 
and  strong-headed  warrior,  and  fortified  by  mud  batteries, 
palisadoes,  and  resolutions  —  blockaded  by  sea,  beleaguered  by 
land,  and  threatened  with  direful  desolation  from  without  ; 
while  its  very  vitals  are  torn  with  internal  faction  and  com 
motion  !  Never  did  historic  pen  record  a  page  of  more 
complicated  distress,  unless  it  be  the  strife  that  distracted  the 
Israelites,  during  the  siege  of  Jerusalem  —  where  discordant 
parties  were  cutting  each  other's  throats,  at  the  moment  when 
the  victorious  legions  of  Titus  had  toppled  down  their  bul 
warks,  and  were  carrying  fire  and  sword  into  the  very  sanctum 
sanctorum  of  the  temple. 

Governor  Stuyvesant  having  triumphantly  put  his  grand 
council  to  the  rout,  and  delivered  himself  from  a  multitude 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  4:53 

of  impertinent  advisers,  despatched  a  categorical  reply  to  the 
commanders  of  the  invading  squadron ;  wherein  he  asserted 
the  right  and  title  of  their  High  Mightinesses  the  Lords  States 
General  to  the  province  of  New  Netherlands,  and  trusting  in 
the  righteousness  of  his  cause,  set  the  whole  British  nation  at 
defiance  ! 

My  anxiety  to  extricate  my  readers  and  myself  from  these 
disastrous  scenes  prevents  me  from  giving  the  whole  of  this 
gallant  letter,  which  concluded  in  these  manly  and  affection 
ate  terms : 

"  As  touching  the  threats  in  your  conclusion,  we  have 
nothing  to  answer,  only  that  we  fear  nothing  but  what  God 
(who  is  as  just  as  merciful)  shall  lay  upon  us ;  all  things 
being  in  his  gracious  disposal,  and  we  may  as  well  be  pre 
served  by  him  with  small  forces  as  by  a  great  army ;  which 
makes  us  to  wish  you  all  happiness  and  prosperity,  and  re 
commend  you  to  his  protection.  My  lords,  your  thrice  hum 
ble  and  affectionate  servant  and  friend, 

"  P.  STUYVESANT." 

Thus  having  thrown  his  gauntlet,  the  brave  Peter  stuck  a 
pair  of  horse  pistols  in  his  belt,  girded  an  immense  powder- 
horn  on  his  side — thrust  his  sound  leg  into  a  Hessian  boot, 
and  clapping  his  fierce  little  war-hat  on  the  top  of  his  head — 
paraded  up  and  down  in  front  of  his  house,  determined  to 
defend  his  beloved  city  to  the  last. 

While  all  these  struggles  and  dissensions  were  prevailing 
in  the  unhappy  city  of  New  Amsterdam,  and  while  its  worthy 
but  ill-starred  governor  wras  framing  the  above-quoted  letter, 
the  English  commanders  did  not  remain  idle.  They  had 


A 54:  HISTORY   OF   NEW   YOKK. 

agents  secretly  employed  to  foment  the  fears  and  clamors  of 
the  populace ;  and  moreover  circulated  far  and  wide,  through 
the  adjacent  country,  a  proclamation,  repeating  the  terms  they 
had  already  held  out  in  their  summons  to  surrender,  at  the 
same  time  beguiling  the  simple  Nederlanders  with  the  most 
crafty  and  conciliating  professions.  They  promised  that  every 
man  who  -voluntarily  submitted  to  the  authority  of  his  British 
Majesty  should  retain  peaceful  possession  of  his  house,  his 
vrouw,  and  his  cabbage-garden.  That  he  should  be  suffered 
to  smoke  his  pipe,  speak  Dutch,  wear  as  many  breeches  as  he 
pleased,  and  import  bricks,  tiles,  and  stone  jugs  from  Holland, 
instead  of  manufacturing  them  on  the  spot.  That  he  should 
on  no  account  be  compelled  to  learn  the  English  language,  nor 
eat  codfish  on  Saturdays,  nor  keep  accounts  in  any  other  way 
than  by  casting  them  up  on  his  fingers,  and  chalking  them 
down  upon  the  crown  of  his  hat ;  as  is  observed  among  the 
Dutch  yeomanry  at  the  present  day.  That  every  man  should 
be  allowed  quietly  to  inherit  his  father's  hat,  coat,  shoe- 
buckles,  pipe,  and  every  other  personal  appendage  ;  and  that 
no  man  should  be  obliged  to  conform  to  any  improvements, 
inventions,  or  any  other  modern  innovations;  but,  on  the 
contrary,  should  be  permitted  to  build  his  house,  follow  his 
trade,  manage  his  farm,  rear  his  hogs,  and  educate  his  chil 
dren,  precisely  as  his  ancestors  had  done  before  him  from  time 
immemorial.  Finally,  that  he  should  have  all  the  benefits  of 
free  trade,  and  should  not  be  required  to  acknowledge  any 
other  saint  in  the  calendar  than  St.  Nicholas,  who  should 
thenceforward,  as  before,  be  considered  the  tutelar  saint  of  the 
city. 

These  terms,  as  may  be  supposed,  appeared  very  satisfac- 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  455 

toiy  to  the  people,  who  had  a  great  disposition  to  enjoy  their 
property  unmolested,  and  a  most  singular  aversion  to  engage 
in  a  contest,  where  they  could  gain  little  more  than  honor  and 
broken  heads — the  first  of  which  they  held  in  philosophic 
indifference,  the  latter  in  utter  detestation.  By  these  insidious 
means,  therefore,  did  the  English  succeed  in  alienating  the 
confidence  and  affections  of  the  populace  from  their  gallant 
old  governor,  whom  they  considered  as  obstinately  bent  upon 
running  them  into  hideous  misadventures ;  and  did  not  hesi 
tate  to  speak  their  minds  freely,  and  abuse  him  most  heartily 
— behind  his  back. 

Like  as  a  mighty  grampus  when  assailed  and  buffeted  by 
roaring  waves  and  brawling  surges,  still  keeps  on  an  unde- 
viating  course,  rising  above  the  boisterous  billows,  spouting 
and  blowing  as  he  emerges — so  did  the  inflexible  Peter  pur 
sue,  unwavering,  his  determined  career,  and  rise,  contemp 
tuous,  above  the  clamors  of  the  rabble. 

But  when  the  British  warriors  found  that  he  set  their 
power  at  defiance,  they  despatched  recruiting  officers  to  Ja 
maica  and  Jericho,  and  Nineveh,  and  Quag,  and  Patchog,  and 
all  those  towns  on  Long  Island  which  had  been  subdued  of 
yore  by  Stoffel  Brinkerhoff;  stirring  up  the  progeny  of  Pre 
served  Fish,  and  Determined  Cock,  and  those  other  New 
England  squatters,  to  assail  the  city  of  New  Amsterdam  by 
land ;  while  the  hostile  ships  prepared  for  an  assault  by 
water. 

The  streets  of  New  Amsterdam  now  presented  a  scene  of 
wild  dismay  and  consternation.  In  vain  did  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant  order  the  citizens  to  arm  and  assemble  on  the  Battery. 
Blank  terror  reigned  over  the  community.  The  whole  party 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

of  Short  Pipes  in  the  course  of  a  single  night  had  changed  into 
arrant  old  women — a  metamorphosis  only  to  be  paralleled  by 
the  prodigies  recorded  by  Livy  as  having  happened  at  Rome 
at  the  approach  of  Hannibal,  when  statues  sweated  in  pure 
affright,  goats  were  converted  into  sheep,  and  cocks,  turning 
into  hens,  ran  cackling  about  the  street. 

Thus  baffled  in  all  attempts  to  put  the  city  in  a  state  of 
defence;  blockaded  from  without;  tormented  from  within; 
and  menaced  with  a  Yankee  invasion,  even  the  stiff-necked 
will  of  Peter  Stuy  vesant  for  once  gave  way,  and  in  spite  of  his 
mighty  heart,  which  swelled  in  his  throat  until  it  nearly 
choked  him,  he  consented  to  a  treaty  of  surrender. 

Words  cannot  express  the  transports  of  the  populace,  on 
receiving  this  intelligence ;  had  they  obtained  a  conquest  over 
their  enemies,  they  could  not  have  indulged  greater  delight. 
The  streets  resounded  with  their  congratulations — they  ex 
tolled  their  governor  as  the  father  and  deliverer  of  his  country 
— they  crowded  to  his  house  to  testify  their  gratitude,  and 
were  ten  times  more  noisy  in  their  plaudits  than  when  he 
returned,  with  victory  perched  upon  his  beaver,  from  the 
glorious  capture  of  Fort  Christina.  But  the  indignant  Peter 
shut  his  doors  and  windows,  and  took  refuge  in  the  innermost 
recesses  of  his  mansion,  that  he  might  not  hear  the  ignoble 
rejoicings  of  the  rabble. 

Commissioners  were  now  appointed  on  both  sides,  and  a 
capitulation  was  speedily  arranged ;  all  that  was  wanting  to 
ratify  it  was  that  it  should  be  signed  by  the  governor.  "When 
the  commissioners  waited  upon  him  for  this  purpose,  they 
were  received  with  grim  and  bitter  courtesy.  His  warlike 
accoutrements  were  laid  aside — an  old  Indian  night-gown  was 


HISTORY   OF   NEW   YORK.  457 

wrapped  about  his  rugged  limbs,  a  red  night-cap  overshadowed 
his  frowning  brow,  an  iron-gray  beard  of  three  days'  growth 
gave  additional  grimness  to  his  visage.  Thrice  did  he  seize  a 
worn-out  stump  of  a  pen,  and  essay  to  sign  the  loathsome 
paper — thrice  did  he  clinch  his  teeth,  and  make  a  horrible 
countenance,  as  though  a  dose  of  rhubarb,  senna,  and  ipecac 
uanha,  had  been  offered  to  his  lips  ;  at  length,  dashing  it  from 
him,  he  seized  his  brass-hilted  sword,  and  jerking  it  from  the 
scabbard,  swore  by  St.  Nicholas,  to  sooner  die  than  yield  to 
any  power  under  heaven. 

For  two  whole  days  did  he  persist  in  this  magnanimous 
resolution,  during  which  his  house  was  besieged  by  the  rabble, 
and  menaces  and  clamorous  revilingt  exhausted  to  no  purpose. 
And  now  another  course  was  adopted  to  soothe,  if  possible, 
his  mighty  ire.  A  procession  was  formed  by  the  burgomas 
ters  and  schepens,  followed  by  the  populace,  to  bear  the  capit 
ulation  in  state  to  the  governor's  dwelling.  They  found  the 
castle  strongly  barricadoed,  and  the  old  hero  in  full  regimen 
tals,  with  his  cocked  hat  on  his  head,  posted  with  a  blunder 
buss  at  the  garret  window. 

There  was  something  in  this  formidable  position  that 
struck  even  the  ignoble  vulgar  with  awe  and  admiration.  The 
brawling  multitude  could  not  but  reflect  with  self-abasement 
upon  their  own  pusillanimous  conduct,  when  they  beheld  their 
hardy  but  deserted  old  governor,  thus  faithful  to  his  post,  like 
a  forlorn  hope,  and  fully  prepared  to  defend  his  ungrateful  city 
to  the  last.  These  compunctions,  however,  were  soon  over 
whelmed  by  the  recurring  tide  of  public  apprehension.  The 
populace  arranged  themselves  before  the  house,  taking  off 
their  hats  with  most  respectful  humility — Burgomaster  Roer- 
20 


458  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK. 

back,  who  was  of  that  popular  class  of  orators  described  by 
Sallust,  as  being  "  talkative  rather  than  eloquent,"  stepped 
forth  and  addressed  the  governor  in  a  speech  of  three  hours' 
length,  detailing,  in  the  most  pathetic  terms,  the  calamitous 
situation  of  the  province,  and  urging  him  in  a  constant  repe« 
tition  of  the  same  arguments  and  words  to  sign  the  capitu 
lation. 

The  mighty  Peter  eyed  him  from  his  garret  window  in 
grim  silence — now  and  then  his  eye  would  glance  over  the 
surrounding  rabble,  and  an  indignant  grin,  like  that  of  an 
angry  mastiff,  would  mark  his  iron  visage.  But  though  a 
man  of  most  undaunted  mettle — though  he  had  a  heart  as  big 
as  an  ox,  and  a  head  that  would  have  set  adamant  to  scorn — 
yet  after  all  he  was  a  mere  mortal.  Wearied  out  by  these 
repeated  oppositions,  and  this  eternal  haranguing,  and  perceiv 
ing  that  unless  he  complied,  the  inhabitants  would  follow  their 
own  inclination,  or  rather  their  fears,  without  waiting  for  his 
consent ;  or,  what  was  still  worse,  the  Yankees  would  have 
time  to  pour  in  their  forces  and  claim  a  share  in  the  conquest, 
he  testily  ordered  them  to  hand  up  the  paper.  It  was  accord 
ingly  hoisted  to  him  on  the  end  of  a  pole,  and  having  scrawled 
his  name  at  the  bottom  of  it,  he  anathematized  them  all  for  a 
set  of  co ward] y,  mutinous,  degenerate  poltroons — threw  the 
capitulation  at  their  heads,  slammed  down  the  window,  and 
was  heard  stumping  down  stairs  with  vehement  indignation. 
The  rabble  incontinently  took  to  their  heels ;  even  the  burgo 
masters  were  not  slow  in  evacuating  the  premises,  fearing  lest 
the  sturdy  Peter  might  issue  from  his  den,  and  greet  thorn 
with  some  unwelcome  testimonial  of  his  displeasure. 

Within  three  hours  after  the  surrender,  a  legion  of  British 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YOKK.  459 

beef-fed  warriors  poured  into  New  Amsterdam,  taking  posses- 
sion  of  the  fort  and  batteries.  And  now  might  be  heard,  from 
all  quarters,  the  sound  of  hammers  made  by  the  old  Dutch 
burghers,  in  nailing  up  their  doors  and  windows,  to  protect 
their  vrouws  from  these  fierce  barbarians,  whom  they  contem 
plated  in  silent  sullenness  from  the  garret  windows  as  they 
paraded  through  the  streets. 

Thus  did  Colonel  Richard  Nichols,  the  commander  of  the 
British  forces,  enter  into  quiet  possession  of  the  conquered 
realm  as  locum  tenens  for  the  Duke  of  York.  The  victory 
was  attended  with  no  other  outrage  than  that  of  changing  the 
name  of  the  province  and  its  metropolis,  which  thenceforth 
were  denominated  NEW  YORK,  and  so  have  continued  to  be 
called  unto  the  present  day.  The  inhabitants,  according  to 
treaty,  were  allowed  to  maintain  quiet  possession  of  their 
property  ;  but  so  inveterately  did  they  retain  their  abhorrence 
of  the  British  nation,  that  in  a  private  meeting  of  the  leading 
citizens,  it  was  unanimously  determined  never  to  ask  any,  of 
their  conquerors  to  dinner. 

NOTE. 

Modern  historians  assert  that  when  the  New  Netherlands  were  thus 
overrun  by  the  British,  as  Spain  in  ancient  days  by  the  Saracens,  a  reso 
lute  band  refused  to  bend  the  neck  to  the  invader.  Led  by  one  Garret 
Van  Home,  a  valorous  and  gigantic  Dutchman,  they  crossed  the  bay 
and  buried  themselves  among  the  marshes  and  cabbage-gardens  of  Com- 
munipaw  ;  as  did  Pelayo  and  his  followers  among  the  mountains  of  As- 
turias.  Here  their  descendants  have  remained  ever  since,  keeping  them 
selves  apart,  like  seed  corn,  to  repcople  the  city  with  the  genuine  breed 
whenever  it  shall  be  effectually  recovered  from  its  intruders.  It  is  said 
the  genuine  descendants  of  the  Nederlanders  who  inhabit  New  York, 
still  look  with  longing  eyes  to  the  green  marshes  of  ancient  Pavonia,  as 
did  the  conquered  Spaniards  of  yore  to  the  stern  mountains  of  Asturias, 
considering  these  the  regions  whence  deliverance  is  to  come. 


CHAPTER  XII. 


CONTAINING    THE     DIGNIFIED     RETIREMENT,    AND    MORTAL    SURRENDER    OF 
PETER   THE    HEADSTRONG. 


S,  then,  have  I  concluded  this  great  historical  entcr- 
prise ;  but  before  I  lay  aside  my  weary  pen,  there  yet  re 
mains  to  be  performed  one  pious  duty.  If  among  the  variety 
of  readers  who  may  peruse  this  book,  there  should  haply  be 
found  any  of  those  souls  of  true  nobility,  which  glow  with 
celestial  fire  at  the  history  of  the  generous  and  the  brave,  they 
will  doubtless  be  anxious  to  know  the  fate  of  the  gallant  Peter 
Stuyvesant.  To  gratify  one  such  sterling  heart  of  gold  I 
would  go  more  lengths  than  to  instruct  the  cold-blooded 
curiosity  of  a  whole  fraternity  of  philosophers. 

No  sooner  had  that  high-mettled  cavalier  signed  the  arti 
cles  of  capitulation,  than,  determined  not  to  witness  the  humil 
iation  of  his  favorite  city,  he  turned  his  back  on  its  walls  and 
made  a  growling  retreat  to  his  bouwery,  or  country-seat,  which 
was  situated  about  two  miles  off;  Avhere  he  passed  the  re 
mainder  of  his  days  in  patriarchal  retirement.  There  he 
enjoyed  that  tranquillity  of  mind,  which  he  had  never  known 
amid  the  distracting  cares  of  government ;  and  tasted  the 
sweets  of  absolute  and  uncontrolled  authority,  which  his  fac- 


HISTORY   OF   NEW    YORK.  461 

tious  subjects  had  so  often  dashed  with  the  bitterness  of  oppo 
sition. 

No  persuasions  could  ever  induce  him  to  revisit  the  city 
— on  the  contrary,  he  would  always  have  his  great  arm-chair 
placed  with  its  back  to  the  windows  which  looked  in  that 
direction ;  until  a  thick  grove  of  trees  planted  by  his  own 
hand  grew  up  and  formed  a  screen  that  effectually  excluded  it 
from  the  prospect.  He  railed  continually  at  the  degenerate 
innovations  and  improvements  introduced  by  the  conquerors 
— forbade  a  word  of  their  detested  language  to  be  spoken  in 
his  family,  a  prohibition  readily  obeyed,  since  none  of  the 
household  could  speak  any  thing  but  Dutch — and  even  ordered 
a  fine  avenue  to  be  cut  down  in  front  of  his  house  because  it 
consisted  of  English  cherry  trees. 

The  same  incessant  vigilance,  which  blazed  forth  wrhen  he 
had  a  vast  province  under  his  care,  now  showed  itself  with 
equal  vigor,  though  in  narrower  limits.  He  patrolled  with 
unceasing  watchfulness  the  boundaries  of  his  little  territory ; 
repelled  every  encroachment  with  intrepid  promptness  ;  pun 
ished  every  vagrant  depredation  upon  his  orchard  or  his  farm 
yard  with  inflexible  severity  ;  and  conducted  every  stray  hog 
or  cow  in  triumph  to  the  pound.  But  to  the  indigent  neigh 
bor,  the  friendless  stranger,  or  the  weary  wanderer,  his  spa 
cious  doors  were  ever  open,  and  his  capacious  fire-place,  that 
emblem  of  his  own  warm  and  generous  heart,  had  always  a 
corner  to  receive  and  cherish  them.  There  was  an  exception 
to  this,  I  must  confess,  in  case  the  ill-starred  applicant  were 
an  Englishman  or  a  Yankee ;  to  whom,  though  he  might 
extend  the  hand  of  assistance,  he  could  never  be  brought  to 
yield  the  rites  of  hospitality.  Nay,  if  peradventure  some 


462  HISTOKY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

straggling  merchant  of  the  East  should  stop  at  his  door,  with 
his  cart-load  of  tin  ware  or  wooden  bowls,  the  fiery  Peter 
would  issue  forth  like  a  giant  from  his  castle,  and  make  such 
a  furious  clattering  among  his  pots  and  kettles,  that  the  ven 
der  of  "  notions  "  was  fain  to  betake  himself  to  instant  flight. 

His  suit  of  regimentals,  worn  threadbare  by  the  brush, 
were  carefully  hung  up  in  the  state  bed-chamber,  and  regu 
larly  aired  the  first  fair  day  of  every  month  ;  and  his  cocked 
hat  and  trusty  sword  were  suspended  in  grim  repose  over  the 
parlor  mantelpiece,  forming  supporters  to  a  full  length  por 
trait  of  the  renowned  Admiral  Van  Tromp.  In  his  domestic 
empire  he  maintained  strict  discipline,  and  a  well-organized 
despotic  government ;  but  though  his  own  will  was  the 
supreme  law,  yet  the  good  of  his  subjects  was  his  constant 
object.  He  watched  over,  not  merely  their  immediate  com 
forts,  but  their  morals,  and  their  ultimate  welfare ;  for  he 
gave  them  abundance  of  excellent  admonition,  nor  could  any 
of  them  complain,  that,  when  occasion  required,  he  was  by 
any  means  niggardly  in  bestowing  wholesome  correction. 

The  good  old  Dutch  festivals,  those  periodical  demonstra 
tions  of  an  overflowing  heart  and  a  thankful  spirit,  which  are 
falling  into  sad  disuse  among  my  fellow-citizens,  were  faith 
fully  observed  in  the  mansion  of  Governor  Stuyvesant.  New- 
Year  was  truly  a  day  of  open-handed  liberality,  of  jocund 
revelry,  and  warm-hearted  congratulation,  when  the  bosom 
swelled  with  genial  good  fellowship,  and  the  plenteous  table 
was  attended  with  an  unceremonious  freedom,  and  honest 
broad-mouthed  merriment,  unknown  in  these  days  of  degen 
eracy  and  refinement.  Paas  and  Pinxter  were  scrupulously 
observed  throughout  his  dominions ;  nor  was  the  day  of  St. 


11ISTOKY    OF    NEW    YOKK.  463 

Nicholas  suffered  to  pass  by,  without  making  presents,  hang 
ing  the  stocking  in  the  chimney,  and  complying  with  all  its 
other  ceremonies. 

Once  a  year,  on  the  first  day  of  April,  he  used  to  array 
himself  in  full  regimentals,  being  the  anniversary  of  his  trium 
phal  entry  into  New  Amsterdam,  after  the  conquest  of  New 
Sweden.  This  was  always  a  kind  of  saturnalia  among  the 
domestics,  when  they  considered  themselves  at  liberty,  in 
some  measure,  to  say  and  do  what  they  pleased ;  for  on  this 
day  their  master  was  always  observed  to  unbend,  and  become 
exceeding  pleasant  and  jocose,  sending  the  old  gray-headed 
negroes  on  April-fool's  errands  for  pigeon's  milk  ;  not  one  of 
whom  but  allowed  himself  to  be  taken  in,  and  humored  his 
old  master's  jokes,  as  became  a  faithful  and  well-disciplined 
dependant.  Thus  did  he  reign,  happily  and  peacefully  on  his 
own  land — injuring  no  man — envying  no  man — molested  by 
no  outward  strifes ;  perplexed  by  no  internal  commotions — 
and  the  mighty  monarchs  of  the  earth,  who  were  vainly  seek 
ing  to  maintain  peace,  and  promote  the  welfare  of  mankind, 
by  war  and  desolation,  would  have  done  well  to  have  made  a 
voyage  to  the  little  island  of  Manna-hata,  and  learned  a  lesson 
in  government  from  the  domestic  economy  of  Peter  Stuyve- 
sant. 

In  process  of  time,  however,  the  old  governor,  like  all 
other  children  of  mortality,  began  to  exhibit  evident  tokens 
of  decay.  Like  an  aged  oak,  which,  though  it  long  has  braved 
the  fury  of  the  elements,  and  still  retains  its  gigantic  propor 
tions,  begins  to  shake  and  groan  with  every  blast — so  was  it 
with  the  gallant  Peter  ;  for  though  he  still  bore  the  port  and 
semblance  of  what  he  was,  in  the  days  of  his  hardihood  and 


4:64:  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOKK. 

chivalry,  yet  did  age  and  infirmity  begin  to  sap  the  vigor  of 
his  frame — but  his  heart,  that  unconquerable  citadel,  still 
triumphed  unsubdued.  With  matchless  avidity  would  he  lis 
ten  to  every  article  of  intelligence  concerning  the  battles  be 
tween  the  English  and  Dutch — still  would  his  pulse  beat  high, 
whenever  he  heard  of  the  victories  of  De  Ruyter — and  his 
countenance  lower,  and  his  eyebrows  knit,  when  fortune 
turned  in  favor  of  the  English.  At  length,  as  on  a  certain 
day  he  had  just  smoked  his  fifth  pipe,  and  was  napping  after 
dinner,  in  his  arm-chair,  conquering  the  whole  British  nation 
in  his  dreams,  he  was  suddenly  aroused  by  a  ringing  of  bells, 
rattling  of  drums,  and  roaring  of  cannon,  that  put  all  his 
blood  in  a  ferment.  But  when  he  learnt  that  these  rejoicings 
were  in  honor  of  a  great  victory  obtained  by  the  combined 
English  and  French  fleets  over  the  brave  DC  Ruyter,  and  the 
younger  Van  Tromp,  it  went  so  much  to  his  heart,  that  he 
took  to  his  bed,  and,  in  less  than  three  days,  was  brought  to 
death's  door,  by  a  violent  cholera  morbus  !  Even  in  this 
extremity  he  still  displayed  the  unconquerable  spirit  of  Peter 
the  Headstrong ;  holding  out  to  the  last  gasp,  with  inflexible 
obstinacy,  against  a  whole  army  of  old  women  who  were  bent 
upon  driving  the  enemy  out  of  his  bowels,  in  the  true  Dutch 
mode  of  defence,  by  inundation. 

While  he  thus  lay,  lingering  on  the  verge  of  dissolution, 
news  was  brought  him,  that  the  brave  de  Ruyter  had  made 
good  his  retreat,  with  little  loss,  and  meant  once  more  to  meet 
the  enemy  in  battle.  The  closing  eye  of  the  old  warrior  kin 
dled  with  martial  fire  at  the  words — he  partly  raised  himself 
in  bed — clinched  his  withered  hand,  as  if  he  felt  within  his 
gripe  that  sword  which  waved  in  triumph  before  the  walls  of 


HISTORY    OF   NEW    YORK.  465 

Fort  Christina,  and  giving  a  grim  smile  of  exultation,  sank 
back  upon  his  pillow,  and  expired. 

Thus  died  Peter  Stuyvesant,  a  valiant  soldier — a  loyal 
subject — an  upright  governor,  and  an  honest  Dutchman — who 
wanted  only  a  few  empires  to  desolate,  to  have  been  immor 
talized  as  a  hero  ! 

His  funeral  obsequies  were  celebrated  with  the  utmost 
grandeur  and  solemnity.  The  town  was  perfectly  emptied  of 
its  inhabitants,  who  crowded  in  throngs  to  pay  the  last  sad 
honors  to  their  good  old  governor.  All  his  sterling  qualities 
rushed  in  full  tide  upon  their  recollection,  while  the  memory 
of  his  foibles  and  his  faults  had  expired  with  him.  The  an 
cient  burghers  contended  who  should  have  the  privilege  of 
bearing  the  pall ;  the  populace  strove  who  should  walk  near 
est  to  the  bier,  and  the  melancholy  procession  was  closed  by 
a  number  of  gray-headed  negroes,  who  had  wintered  and  sum 
mered  in  the  household  of  their  departed  master  for  the 
greater  part  of  a  century. 

With  sad  and  gloomy  countenances,  the  multitude  gath 
ered  round  the  grave.  They  dwelt  with  mournful  hearts  on 
the  sturdy  virtues,  the  signal  services,  and  the  gallant  exploits 
of  the  brave  old  worthy.  They  recalled,  with  secret  upbraid- 
ings,  their  own  factious  oppositions  to  his  government,  and 
many  an  ancient  burgher,  whose  phlegmatic  features  had 
never  been  known  to  relax,  nor  his  eyes  to  moisten,  was  now 
observed  to  puff  a  pensive  pipe,  and  the  big  drop  to  steal 
down  his  cheek ;  while  he  muttered,  with  affectionate  accent, 
and  melancholy  shake  of  the  head — "  Well,  den  ! — Hardkop- 
pig  Peter  ben  gone  at  last !  " 

His  remains  were  deposited  in  the  family  vault,  under  a 
20* 


4:66  HISTORY  OF  NEW  YOEK. 

chapel  which  he  had  piously  erected  on  his  estate,  and  dedi 
cated  to  St.  Nicholas — and  which  stood  on  the  identical  spot 
at  present  occupied  by  St.  Mark's  church,  where  his  tomb 
stone  is  still  to  be  seen.  His  estate,  or  bouwery,  as  it  was 
called,  has  ever  continued  in  the  possession  of  his  descendants, 
who,  by  the  uniform  integrity  of  their  conduct,  and  their 
strict  adherence  to  the  customs  and  manners  that  prevailed  in 
the  "  good  old  times,''1  have  proved  themselves  worthy  of  their 
illustrious  ancestor.  Many  a  time  and  oft  has  the  farm  been 
haunted  at  night  by  enterprising  money-diggers,  in  quest  of 
pots  of  gold,  said  to  have  been  buried  by  the  old  governor — 
though  I  cannot  learn  that  any  of  them  have  ever  been  en 
riched  by  their  researches — and  who  is  there,  among  my 
native-born  fellow-citizens,  that  does  not  remember  when,  in 
the  mischievous  days  of  his  boyhood,  he  conceived  it  a  great 
exploit  to  rob  "  Stuyvesant's  orchard  "  on  a  holiday  after 
noon  1 

At  this  strong-hold  of  the  family  may  still  be  seen  certain 
memorials  of  the  immortal  Peter.  His  full-length  portrait 
frowns  in  martial  terrors  from  the  parlor  wall — his  cocked 
hat  and  sword  still  hang  up  in  the  best  bedroom — his  brim 
stone-colored  breeches  were  for  a  long  while  suspended  in  the 
hall,  until  some  years  since  they  occasioned  a  dispute  between 
a  new-married  couple — and  his  silver-mounted  wooden  leg  is 
still  treasured  up  in  the  store-room,  as  an  invaluable  relique. 


CHAPTER 


THE  AUTHORS  REFLECTIONS  UPON  WHAT  HAS  BEEN  SAID. 

AMONG  the  numerous  events,  which  are  each  in  their  turn 
the  most  direful  and  melancholy  of  all  possible  occur 
rences,  in  your  interesting  and  authentic  history,  there  is  none 
that  occasions  such  deep  and  heart-rending  grief  as  the  decline 
and  fall  of  your  renowned  and  mighty  empires.  Where  is  the 
reader  who  can  contemplate  without  emotion  the  disastrous 
events  by  which  the  great  dynasties  of  the  world  have  been 
extinguished  1  While  wandering,  in  imagination,  among  the 
gigantic  ruins  of  states  and  empires,  and  marking  the  tremen 
dous  convulsions  that  wrought  their  overthrow,  the  bosom  of 
the  melancholy  inquirer  swells  with  sympathy  commensurate 
to  the  surrounding  desolation.  Kingdoms,  principalities,  and 
powers,  have  each  had  their  rise,  their  progress,  and  their 
downfall  —  each  in  its  turn  has  swayed  a  potent  sceptre  —  each 
has  returned  to  its  primeval  nothingness.  And  thus  did  it 
fare  with  the  empire  of  their  High  Mightinesses,  at  the  Man- 
hattoes,  under  the  peaceful  reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter  —  the 
fretful  reign  of  William  the  Testy,  and  the  chivalric  reign  of 
Peter  the  Headstrong. 

Its  history  is  fruitful  of  instruction,  and  worthy  of  being 


468  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOEK. 

pondered  over  attentively,  for  it  is  by  thus  raking  among  the 
ashes  of  departed  greatness,  that  the  sparks  of  true  knowledge 
are  to  be  found,  and  the  lamp  of  wisdom  illuminated.  Let 
then  the  reign  of  Walter  the  Doubter  warn  against  yielding 
to  that  sleek,  contented  security,  and  that  overweening  fond 
ness  for  comfort  and  repose,  which  are  produced  by  a  state  of 
prosperity  and  peace.  These  tend  to  unnerve  a  nation ;  to 
destroy  its  pride  of  character  ;  to  render  it  patient  of  insult ; 
deaf  to  the  calls  of  honor  and  of  justice ;  and  cause  it  to  cling 
to  peace,  like  the  sluggard  to  his  pillow,  at  the  expense  of 
every  valuable  duty  and  consideration.  Such  supineness 
insures  the  very  evil  from  which  it  shrinks.  One  right 
yielded  up  produces  the  usurpation  of  a  second;  one  en 
croachment  passively  suffered  makes  way  for  another ;  and 
the  nation  which  thus,  through  a  doting  love  of  peace,  has 
sacrificed  honor  and  interest,  will  at  length  have  to  fight  for 
existence. 

Let  the  disastrous  reign  of  William  the  Testy  serve  as  a 
salutary  warning  against  that  fitful,  feverish  mode  of  legisla 
tion,  which  acts  without  system  ;  depends  on  shifts  and  pro 
jects,  and  trusts  to  lucky  contingencies.  Which  hesitates, 
and  wavers,  and  at  length  decides  with  the  rashness  of  igno 
rance  and  imbecility.  Which  stoops  for  popularity  by  court 
ing  the  prejudices  and  flattering  the  arrogance,  rather  than 
commanding  the  respect  of  the  rabble.  Which  seeks  safety 
in  a  multitude  of  counsellors,  and  distracts  itself  by  a  variety 
of  contradictory  schemes  and  opinions.  Which  mistakes  pro 
crastination  for  wariness — hurry  for  decision — parsimony  for 
economy — bustle  for  business,  and  vaporing  for  valor.  Which 
is  violent  in  council — sanguine  in  expectation,  precipitate  in 


HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK.  469 

action,  and  feeble  in  execution.  Which  undertakes  enterprises 
without  forethought — enters  upon  them  without  preparation 
— conducts  them  without  energy,  and  ends  them  in  confusion 
and  defeat. 

Let  the  reign  of  the  good  Stuyvesant  show  the  effects  of 
vigor  and  decision  even  when  destitute  of  cool  judgment,  and 
surrounded  by  perplexities.  Let  it  show  how  frankness,  pro 
bity,  and  high-souled  courage  will  command  respect,  and 
secure  honor,  even  where  success  is  unattainable.  But  at  the 
same  time,  let  it  caution  against  a  too  ready  reliance  on  the 
good  faith  of  others,  and  a  too  honest  confidence  in  the  loving 
professions  of  powerful  neighbors,  who  are  most  friendly  when 
they  most  mean  to  betray.  Let  it  teach  a  judicious  attention 
to  the  opinions  and  wishes  of  the  many,  who,  in  times  of  peril, 
must  be  soothed  and  led,  or  apprehension  will  overpower  the 
deference  to  authority. 

Let  the  empty  wordiness  of  his  factious  subjects ;  their 
intemperate  harangues  ;  their  violent  "  resolutions  ;  "  their 
hectorings  against  an  absent  enemy,  and  their  pusillanimity 
on  his  approach,  teach  us  to  distrust  and  despise  those  clamor 
ous  patriots,  whose  courage  dwells  but  in  the  tongue.  Let 
them  serve  as  a  lesson  to  repress  that  insolence  of  speech, 
destitute  of  real  force,  which  too  often  breaks  forth  in  popular 
bodies,  and  bespeaks  the  vanity  rather  than  the  spirit  of  a 
nation.  Let  them  caution  us  against  vaunting  too  much  of 
our  own  power  and  prowess,  and  reviling  a  noble  enemy. 
True  gallantry  of  soul  would  always  lead  us  to  treat  a  foe 
with  courtesy  and  proud  punctilio ;  a  contrary  conduct  but 
takes  from  the  merit  of  victory,  and  renders  defeat  doubly 
disgraceful. 


470  HISTORY    OF   NEW    YOltK. 

But  I  cease  to  dwell  on  the  stores  of  excellent  exam 
ples  to  be  drawn  from  the  ancient  chronicles  of  the  Manhat- 
toes.  He  who  reads  attentively  will  discover  the  threads  of 
gold  which  run  throughout  the  web  of  history,  and  are  invisi 
ble  to  the  dull  eye  of  ignorance.  But,  before  I  conclude,  let 
me  point  out  a  solemn  warning,  furnished  in  the  subtle  chain 
of  events  by  which  the  capture  of  Tort  Casimir  has  produced 
the  present  convulsions  of  our  globe. 

Attend  then,  gentle  reader^  to  this  plain  deduction,  which, 
if  thou  art  a  king,  an  emperor,  or  other  powerful  potentate,  I 
advise  thee  to  treasure  up  in  thy  heart — though  little  expecta 
tion  have  I  that  my  work  shall  fall  into  such  hands,  for  wrell  I 
know  the  care  of  crafty  ministers,  to  keep  all  grave  and  edify 
ing  books  of  the  kind  out  of  the  way  of  unhappy  monarchs — 
lest  peradventure  they  should  read  them  and  learn  wisdom. 

By  the  treacherous  surprisal  of  Fort  Casimir,  then,  did  the 
crafty  Swedes  enjoy  a  transient  triumph;  but  drew  upon 
their  heads  the  vengeance  of  Peter  Stuyvesant,  who  wrested 
all  New  Sweden  from  their  hands.  By  the  conquest  of  New 
Sweden,  Peter  Stuyvesant  aroused  the  claims  of  Lord  Balti 
more,  who  appealed  to  the  Cabinet  of  Great  Britain ;  who 
subdued  the  whole  province  of  New  Netherlands.  By  this 
great  achievement  the  whole  extent  of  North  America,  from 
Nova  Scotia  to  the  Floridas,  was  rendered  one  entire  depend 
ency  upon  the  British  crown. — But  mark  the  consequence : 
the  hitherto  scattered  colonies  being  thus  consolidated,  and 
having  no  rival  colonies  to  check  or  keep  them  in  awe,  waxed 
great  and  powerful,  and  finally  becoming  too  strong  for  the 
mother  country,  were  enabled  to  shake  off  its  bonds,  and  by 
a  glorious  revolution  became  an  independent  empire.  But 


HISTOKY    OF   NEW    YORK.  471 

the  chain  of  effects  stopped  not  here ;  the  successful  revolu 
tion  in  America  produced  the  sanguinary  revolution  in 
France ;  which  produced  the  puissant  Bonaparte ;  who  pro 
duced  the  French  despotism  ;  which  has  thrown  the  whole 
world  in  confusion  !  Thus  have  these  great  powers  been  suc 
cessively  punished  for  their  ill-starred  conquests — and  thus, 
as  I  asserted,  have  all  the  present  convulsions,  revolutions, 
and  disasters  that  overwhelm  mankind,  originated  in  the  cap 
ture  of  the  little  Fort  Casimir,  as  recorded  in  this  eventful 
history. 

And  now,  worthy  reader,  ere  I  take  a  sad  farewell — which, 
alas  !  must  be  for  ever — willingly  would  I  part  in  cordial  fel 
lowship,  and  bespeak  thy  kind-hearted  remembrance.  That  I 
have  not  written  a  better  history  of  the  days  of  the  patriarchs 
is  not  my  fault — had  any  other  person  written  one  as  good,  I 
should  not  have  attempted  it  at  all.  That  many  will  hereafter 
spring  up  and  surpass  me  in  excellence,  I  have  very  little 
doubt,  and  still  less  care  ;  well  knowing  that,  when  the  great 
Christovallo  Colon  (who  is  vulgarly  called  Columbus)  had 
once  stood  his  egg  upon  its  end,  every  one  at  table  could  stand 
his  up  a  thousand  times  more  dexterously.  Should  any  reader 
find  matter  of  offence  in  this  history,  I  should  heartily  grieve, 
though  I  would  on  no  account  question  his  penetration  by 
telling  him  he  was  mistaken — his  good  nature  by  telling  him 
he  was  captious — or  his  pure  conscience  by  telling  him  he 
was  startled  at  a  shadow.  Surely  when  so  ingenious  in  find 
ing  offence  where  none  was  intended,  it  were  a  thousand  pities 
he  should  not  be  suffered  to  enjoy  the  benefit  of  his  dis 
covery. 

I  have  too  high  an  opinion  of  the  understanding  of  my  fel- 


472  HISTORY    OF    NEW    YORK. 

low-citizens,  to  think  of  yielding  them  instruction,  and  I  covet 
too  much  their  good  will,  to  forfeit  it  by  giving  them  good 
advice.  I  am  none  of  those  cynics  who  despise  the  world, 
because  it  despises  them — on  the  contrary,  though  but  low  in 
its  regard,  I  look  up  to  it  with  the  most  perfect  good  nature, 
and  my  only  sorrow  is,  that  it  does  not  prove  itself  more 
worthy  of  the  unbounded  love  I  bear  it.  If,  however,  in  this 
my  historic  production — the  scanty  fruit  of  a  long  and  labo 
rious  life — I  have  failed  to  gratify  the  dainty  palate  of  the  age, 
1  can  only  lament  my  misfortune — for  it  is  too  late  in  the 
season  for  me  even  to  hope  to  repair  it.  Already  has  wither 
ing  age  showered  his  sterile  snows  upon  my  brow  ;  in  a  little 
while,  and  this  genial  warmth  which  still  lingers  around  my 
heart,  and  throbs — worthy  reader — throbs  kindly  towards 
thyself,  will  be  chilled  for  ever.  Haply  this  frail  compound 
of  dust,  which  while  alive  may  have  given  birth  to  naught 
but  unprofitable  weeds,  may  form  a  humble  sod  of  the  valley, 
whence  may  spring  many  a  sweet  wild  flower,  to  adorn  my 
beloved  island  of  Manna-hata ! 


THE    END. 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 
Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


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